Pinned but Fluttering
by CassandraLowery
Summary: For too many years, Bella Swan has been trapped in a nightmare beyond her worst imaginings. At long last, a glimmer of a chance to escape may present itself. Will she find herself in even more danger if she dares to leave? AU w/ human Volturi. M for language & violence. #8 in Top Ten Completed Fics for Jan 2013 at TwiFanFictionRecs!
1. Prologue

_**Pinned but Fluttering**_

**Prologue**

_ How had it gone on this long?_ I wondered, my eyes listlessly wandering over the nearly-bare room lit by a single light bulb hanging from the water-stained ceiling.

It had all seemed so simple at first. So _normal. _

Now I was locked in this room nearly 24/7, only allowed out while being escorted to the bathroom three times a day.

Like an animal.

I missed the sun. So much.

But I missed my parents even more. Even after all these years, I still can't wrap my mind around the fact that they're gone. Both of them. It had happened so fast, one right after the other.

Tears rose unbidden to my eyes, blurring the dirty white walls, the plywood nailed securely over the one small, boarded window.

If it weren't for the battery-operated alarm clock on the floor next to the mattress I slept on, I would have never have any idea of the time.

I could tell day from night by the frequency of bathroom breaks, not from the usual rhythms of sunlight and darkness.

Not that either of them would ever let me even pee in peace, anyway.

But I had a strange feeling that things were going to change. And soon.

I could sense the tension between the two of them—the way they bellowed and screamed at one another hour after hour, the animosity building between them each day.

Part of me was scared silly. Change, in my book, was never a good thing. Change had always meant a definite worsening of my lot. Yep, every stinking time. Always. Change was bad.

But part of me was restless, perhaps even excited. Through the thick, bolted door, I had managed to catch just enough of their incessant arguing to figure out what the fighting was all about.

_It was all about me. _

But this time, I could be granted a chance—the chance I've been praying for every night...for years.

It only took one slip on their part, and I could be free. Free of this tiny room. Free of their anger...which they always took out on me. Free of _them._

All love I'd had for them when I was a child was gone...long gone. I wasn't sure that I had the mental energy to hate them, even after all this time. But I did know that I didn't love them. That I would leave them the very first chance that came my way.

Because I knew, as sure as my name is Bella Swan, that one chance was all I would ever, ever get.


	2. Chapter 1

_**Thanks for the response to the Prologue of **_**Pinned but Fluttering. **_**The explanation of the title and other information about my fics can be seen at my new blog: http:/ CassandraLowery. Blogspot. Com (just remove spaces when you paste into your browser). **_

_**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and I don't. I just like messing with her characters—and some of them are *extremely* OOC.**_

_**ENJOY! **_

**Chapter 1**

I lay curled in a ball atop the stained mattress I've slept on every night since I was ten—when I first came here—listening to them argue. About me. Again.

Change had indeed come in the form of Mrs. Jane, a sharp-faced woman who had pounded on the front door a week ago. Mrs. Jane and Billy had argued on the front porch, starting with low, hissing voices that grew louder and louder until Billy was shouting.

Even through my locked door, I could hear every word.

At last someone on the Quileute Reservation had reported Billy after not seeing me outside his house for two years. I don't know who did it—and Mrs. Jane bravely refused to tell Billy the name of the informant despite his shouts and thinly-veiled threats.

I admired her bravery. I didn't possess that kind of bravery. Above all else, I avoided making Billy angry; I had learned my lesson all-too-well in the past. And I was glad that I wouldn't be on the receiving end of his diatribe at the next council meeting. Billy was the unofficial leader of the Quileute Tribe, and someone had gone behind his back to protect me. My heart warmed with unspoken gratitude toward this unknown person, but undiluted fear caused the rest of my body to continue trembling.

I knew too well whom he would blame for this situation in the end.

Billy had assumed, apparently wrongly, that he was safe on the Reservation, that no one from my former life would or could report him. But someone had called Child Protective Services, and since I was still legally under the care of the state of Washington rather than the sovereign Quileute Nation despite living in La Push, they came. Or at least Mrs. Jane came.

While I appreciated her wish to help me, I knew it was useless. Hopeless.

Her interference would only make things worse. Much worse.

Billy would be on the warpath now...no pun intended. He was an imposing man, his dark face lined with years of drink.

He blamed his drinking on me, too.

He blamed the accident on me—the accident that took his wife's life and put him in the wheelchair.

And he was teaching Jacob to blame me, too. For everything.

It was hard to remember Billy and his wife and their three kids before the accident, back when they were the normal, happy family to whom my parents had left me after they died.

When I was eight, my mom got cancer. She got thinner and thinner, wasting away. She didn't attempt chemotherapy when the doctors told her that the medicines would only extend her life by a month or so, and she didn't want to spend her last months throwing up. So she just faded away.

I remember laying on my parents' bed, next to her, sleeping beside her as my mom didn't want me to leave her sight. Dad took care of her, with my help. We tried to keep her eating, tried to keep her comfortable. Several times each day I would place my warm palm against her thin, cold face, and tell her how much I loved her.

And her love for me shone brightly from her tired eyes as her body slowly shut down. Mom hated hospitals, so we kept her at home. I vaguely remembered the young doctor who had made house calls, his quiet manner and compassionate eyes soothing us despite the pain and worry.

I remember being awakened, groggy and confused, by my dad's loud cry one morning. Before I could figure out what was going on, the doctor was carrying me away from the bed where I had been sleeping in my mother's arms. Peering blearily over the doctor's shoulder, I saw my dad holding my mother's stiff body, choking on deep sobs as he cried her name over and over.

_Renee! Renee! Renee!_

The kind doctor had held me close as I began to cry, too, his eyes pained with our pain. Though I struggled to run back to my parents on their bed, his cool grip was firm but kind as he whispered soothing words into my ear as he carried me to my room. By the time he set me on my bed—a place I had not slept in months—I had become hysterical. Although I fought him with all my limited strength, he managed to give me a shot that made me sleep for a while.

I awoke to a house emptied of my mother's loving presence. It took me a long time to forgive the young, blonde doctor with his kind but penetrating golden eyes for taking me away from my mother. Only when I overheard my parents' friends whispering to each other (none-too-kindly, I may add) that I had been sleeping in the arms of my dead mother did I understand why the doctor had taken me away from my mother.

I never had the chance to say goodbye to her. She was just gone when I clambered from my bed, and I frantically called for her as I ran from room to room in our home, not finding her.

She had never failed to answer me back before, and I knew that something was very,very wrong.

To the end, my dad had told me that Mom would get better, that we just had to have faith.

I must have not had enough faith, since she died after all. I had failed her.

My dad returned to work the day after her funeral. He was the police chief of our small town of Forks, Washington, and he took his responsibilities very seriously. He came home late, silent and exhausted. He rarely smiled after my mother died. A teenaged neighbor watched me until he got home at night, usually after dinner. Chelsea could only warm up canned soup and make boxed mac-and-cheese, so I didn't eat very healthy meals—nothing like Renee used to make for us, even if she often got a little too adventurous in her cooking attempts. On the weekends, I often stayed with my parents' best friends, the Blacks, on the nearby Quileute Reservation while my dad buried himself in work, trying to forget.

My dad rarely talked to me, but when he did, his eyes were pained and I often heard him murmur, "So like Renee" under his breath. Once in a great while he would catch me up in his arms and hold me to his heart, but it was rare.

I felt so alone.

It happened when I was ten. Chelsea was impatiently waiting for my dad to come home; it was a Friday night and she had a date with a guy called Marcus. She paced back and forth, berating my absent dad for not getting home on time. When the police cruiser parked in our driveway, I went running out the front door as I always did, anticipating my dad's vague greeting, the highlight of my day. But this time another officer climbed out of the cruiser, and he told me.

I couldn't cry. It was beyond me.

During a robbery-gone-bad, my dad had been shot in the line of duty.

Chelsea took me home with her that night, and I stayed alone in her little sister's room while the younger girl slept on the floor of Chelsea's room. Chelsea's mom was kind, warning the rest of the family to leave me alone, to let me grieve.

But I couldn't. My mom had left us only a year-and-a-half before, and now my dad was gone, too.

The lawyer told me that my parents had made provision for me to live with the Blacks, their best friends, if anything happened to both of them. And it had.

So I joined this happy family, a family I knew well and loved. Rachel and Rebecca, the twins, were a couple of years older than I was, but they cheerfully made space for me in their room, piling into a bunk bed so I could have my own bed, slightly removed from where they slept to give me a little privacy. Jacob, 18 months younger than I, had his own tiny room, a closet really. The Blacks' home was tiny but it was a happy place, and I slowly came out of my shell.

It had worked out well, for a short while. Until another day that changed everything...

My mind had returned to the present situation when the front door slammed shut, Mrs. Jane yelling from the porch steps that she'd be back with a court order in the morning. Billy blew her off, and I heard him calling to Jacob to get him another beer from the refrigerator.

I huddled in the corner of my stained mattress on the floor, as far from the door as possible, knowing all-too-well what was coming...

And that I deserved it.

As good as her word, Mrs. Jane was back again the next morning with a court order in hand and two impressive police officers to enforce it. Jacob was sent by Billy to "fetch Bella," which meant that he quietly unlocked the deadbolt and the regular lock that kept me trapped in the miniscule back bedroom, the closet that used to be his when I first came here.

Jacob had growled severe warnings in my ear before escorting me to the living room, threatening dire consequences if I told this woman anything Billy didn't want her to know.

I knew the drill.

And I was really too tired to care. Hope was a dangerous thing—too easily crushed—and I had given up on it long ago.

Hope didn't work.

Faith didn't work.

Nothing worked.

Mrs. Jane had introduced herself with a smile plastered on her face, speaking to me as if I were seven, not seventeen. She asked me the usual questions, and I flatly gave the usual answers, the ones Billy had drilled into me over the years. Yes, I liked living with the Blacks. Yes, I felt safe here. Yes, they took good care of me. No, I didn't want to go anywhere else. Yes, I liked being homeschooled by Billy.

But Mrs. Jane was different. Her sharp eyes missed nothing, and she saw Billy's nervous smiles, Jacob's refusal to look her in the eye, and my fake smiles and monotone responses. I noticed the police officers exchanging worried looks, too.

Maybe they had known my dad.

I tried to smile harder. I didn't want Billy to punish me if Mrs. Jane didn't believe me.

Mrs. Jane frowned. I could tell from the look in her calculating eyes as she questioned me that she knew all was not well. A few other social workers had looked like that, too, but nothing had ever changed.

I had a feeling, however, that Mrs. Jane was different.

Change was coming.

And I was afraid.

_**Let me know what you think, okay? It's not a long first chapter, but a lot still has to take place to get the proverbial ball rolling... :) **_

_**Please review! **_


	3. Chapter 2

_**Sorry it's been a while since I posted to this fledgling story. But I have not forgotten it and plan to update it as I can, especially after I finish my other fic, **_**Evening Star.**

**Chapter Two**

Billy sneered, cursing under his breath rudely, as Mrs. Jane informed him of the contents of the court order. Next Monday Billy and I were to appear before a Judge Aro to resolve the petition filed by Mrs. Jane to place me in public school. But Mrs. Jane was not petitioning for enrollment in the Quileute school that Jacob attended. No, this petition stated that, in her professional opinion, Mrs. Jane believed that my best interests would be served by attending my junior and senior years of high school at Forks High.

Wow. I wasn't expecting that.

I haven't attended school in Forks since fifth grade, the year my dad died.

Vague memories of my few friends suddenly surfaced, long erased by the years lived and the pain endured in La Push. A girl with a kind face and sweet smile...Angela? A girl with dark curls who seemed nice to my face but who spread rumors behind my back...Jessica? A kind but geeky boy who had attempted to protect me from the incessant teasing and bullying I had been subjected to after my mother's death...Eric?

Kids could be so cruel. And they often were.

Many of them had been cruel to me. They had sensed my weakness, my frailty after my mother's death, and, like the predators they were, they went in for the kill.

Even though I had been part of their "crowd" before my mom died.

But the memories, so long buried, of Angela's kindness and Eric's protection were unspeakably sweet. It was nice to know that someone had cared for me, once upon a time.

Even if it was seven years ago.

I wondered if they still lived in Forks? I hope they hadn't moved away. So much could change in seven years.

I was proof of that sad truth.

I was just a kid when I lived in Forks with my mom and dad, and life was practically perfect. I hadn't realized how good I had had it back then.

Lucky me.

The worst that had happened was that my mom had burned dinner at least twice a week. My dad would come home from the police station, roll his eyes at me behind my mother's back while he fanned the smoke out the back door, and offer to order a pizza or make sub sandwiches for dinner.

That was my dad's extent of kitchen know-how. Except for making breakfasts. Dad made the best breakfasts.

Once when my mom had traveled to California to visit Gram, Dad had cooked breakfast food for our dinner every night for a week. Pancakes, eggs, waffles, omelets, and bacon. Lots of bacon.

I was sworn to secrecy.

It was the best.

But I tried not to think of those happy memories. Recalling life with parents and friends tugged at my insides, bringing waves of nausea as I noted the huge differences between life then and life now.

I couldn't let myself remember what my life had been like in Forks too much. It just hurt too much.

I barely heard Billy's arguments and complaints directed toward Mrs. Jane: the hardship of driving me into Forks and picking me up on a daily basis, her "ignoring Bella's wishes" to be educated at home, his "rights as Bella's legal guardian" to educate me as he saw fit, his handicapped status, etc., etc.

Excuses, excuses.

I was too caught up in the shimmering possibilities before me to pay much attention to their hissed argument.

So it startled me when Mrs. Jane turned to me, placing a kind arm around my shoulders and leading me out the front door onto the porch, completely ignoring Billy's vociferous objections. Eyes cold as she glared at him, she ordered the officers to restrain Billy as she "desired to chat with Bella one-on-one."

Okay...

My eyes narrowed painfully against the weak January sunlight that streamed across the decrepit porch as Mrs. Jane led me outside.

Outside.

I had not been outside in months.

In an attempt to protect my eyes, I shaded my face with my hand and turned my back to the weak January sunshine, allowing the unfamiliar but welcome warmth to permeate my back. In the house, I could hear Billy's muffled threats directed at the officers as Mrs. Jane closed the front door, blocking Billy's access to me.

I sighed quietly in relief. I had always been a non-confrontational person, willing to do anything to keep the peace. Peace was a good thing, and I have always been willing to sacrifice almost everything to get it and keep it. Peace-making had become my saving grace over the past years in dealing with Billy and Jacob on a daily basis.

It was simply the way I had survived thus far.

So I wasn't sure how I felt about Mrs. Jane stirring up the hornet's nest right now. I may get my chance to escape, but at what price? How would Billy take his revenge upon me after Mrs. Jane left today? Change usually scared me out of my mind because I was well-aware how much worse this situation could become.

I had been damn lucky so far. And I knew it.

Billy never let me forget it, either.

But I felt the beginnings of warmth in my chest as well as across my shoulder blades. Was this feeling _hope_?

Mrs. Jane placed a hand on my shoulder. She wasn't tall; in fact, I was taller than she was. But somehow, through her touch I sensed her focused determination. She could—and often did—freeze men who towered over her with a single glare. I'd never seen Billy bested by anyone before, and now this tiny blond woman had forced her way into his home in an attempt, however misguided, help me.

Her eyes seemed to search my soul as she asked, "Bella, I need to know what you want me to do here. Are you truly happy being homeschooled by Billy? Or would you like to attend school in Forks?"

I stuttered, not used to speaking aloud. Billy rarely let me talk, and Jacob, who used to be a friend to me, even a confidant, was becoming more like Billy each day. Jacob no longer acknowledged the close relationship we had as children. The friendliness and comradeship had faded from his eyes, replaced by a glint and hardness that frightened me at times.

Billy often clapped his hand on Jacob's back and told him that he "was becoming a man and needed to behave like it."

And apparently "becoming a man" meant learning to punish me for everything I had done to ruin their family. For many years, Jacob hadn't blame me for the accident, but I could see the change behind his eyes.

He was becoming more like his father every day. And it scared me. My one safe haven—the only thing that had kept me sane—was slowly being ripped away from me, a slow but insistent removal of the band-aid from an open wound that would never heal.

Yes, losing his mother was my fault. I freely admitted that. Billy spoke only the truth, and the knowledge that I had ruined their loving family in one thoughtless moment will haunt me forever.

There was no escape from the truth.

But I forced myself back to the issue at hand.

With Jacob's friendship fading away, why should I remain here all day, trapped with Billy and his hatred?

But would it be worth it? Billy would undoubtedly punish me for wanting to go to school—real school. Billy's idea of "homeschooling" was to allow Jacob to bring me books from the reservation library, but Jacob was becoming less and less willing to exert himself on my behalf. So I often did nothing all day but reread the six battered paperbacks in my possession, which Jacob had sneaked to me in happier days.

_ Wuthering Heights_ was my favorite, my solace, and I never tired of rereading it. I could definitely relate to the twisted relationships among the characters. Somehow knowing that even fictional people had less than perfect lives made me feel less alone. I think I had the book mostly memorized by now...

Anyway, Billy certainly wasn't "homeschooling" me. I guess he never thought that anyone would check up on him. I loved learning and had gratefully gobbled up every book Jacob had brought me, no matter the topic.

But what next? Billy would never let me move away to attend college—he taunted me often with that fact. Although I wasn't sure exactly how he planned to keep me here once I turned 18, I was too scared to find out. College was not an option, then. So why should I care whether I had a high school education or not?

Hmmm. But perhaps this homeschooling vs. public school thing wasn't merely about education. Billy had at least been careful enough to hide all evidence of outright abuse, so Mrs. Jane really had no proof that he was unfit to care for me. I had heard her admit as much this morning, her voice razor-thin with repressed anger in response to his sneering questions. Despite her championing me, my heart sunk as I realized that she had no legal way to remove me from Billy's home.

Once again, I was alone with my misery.

Yet perhaps this high school thing was my chance. If someone from Forks High School reported abuse, Mrs. Jane could get the evidence she needed to remove me from this house—get me away from Billy and from Jacob.

That would be a dream come true.

But then, dreams never came true for me.

Although I would be eighteen in nine months and thus legally "emancipated," Billy had already informed me that he wouldn't let me off "that easy." I still had too much to "pay for" in ruining his life and Jacob's, whatever that meant.

I'm not sure what his plans were. Maybe he was bluffing. But then, maybe not. And the uncertainty was a heavy burden I bore every day. I was cornered, and both he and I knew it.

Maybe this opportunity was my only chance. I would get only one, so I'd better make the most of it, no matter the immediate repercussions.

Was I strong enough to handle those repercussions, though? Physically I could barely lift a feather because I was barely fed enough to survive upon. Billy had laughed away my starved appearance to Mrs. Jane by scoffing, "You know teenage girls. Always concerned with being skinny. Bella's no different." As if I had anorexia or something. But the hunger never left, especially now that Jacob had stopped sneaking me food.

But was I strong enough mentally and emotionally to handle the effects of my choice if I were to attend real school? Billy would be furious if I went against his wishes, and once again I would be in his crosshairs, receiving the brunt of his frustration and anger.

That's not a place I ever wanted to be. The least he would do would be to take away my books, my one distraction from the hell that was my life...drop my "meals" from two to one per day...same with my bathroom breaks...

And he'd possibly beat me. He was an expert at striking me where the bruises wouldn't show. Billy was smart that way, despite the alcohol. No one had caught on yet to his hitting me although I think Mrs. Jane suspected from the way I cringed away from him; I couldn't help it.

So would upsetting our tenuous peace in order to gain a chance—one chance only—to escape this living hell be worth it in the long run?

Mrs. Jane's eyes were still fixed on me, kind but penetrating, waiting for my reply. I cleared my throat, dry from long disuse, and whispered hoarsely, "I'd like to go to school, please."

There it was. My one and only chance.

And I would do everything I possibly could to make it count.

Hope rose in my chest, unbidden.

I could only hope that it would last.

_**Here it is! Please let me know what you think, please! :) Please follow me on Twitter (**__**.com/cassandrawrites**__**) and on my blog (**__**.com**__**). **_

_**-Cassandra :)**_


	4. Chapter 3

_**Thanks for your patience with my uploading schedule. I can only update my stories once per week, and sometimes on busy weeks, I can only update one story only. With my chronic illnesses, husband and 4 kids, 3 of whom I homeschool, plus three outside classes to teach in writing and medieval history and two publication projects, I don't always have time to update both stories each week. Thanks for reading—I always look forward to seeing your comments, too. :)**_

**Chapter Three**

It was not without severe misgivings that I watched Mrs. Jane drive away in her minivan, followed by the two officers of the court in a plain, unmarked black sedan. The two vehicles turned left at the end of the long dirt driveway, obviously returning to Port Angeles.

Mrs. Jane was beginning to impress me, not an easy thing to accomplish in my book. I had learned long ago to trust no one and to draw close to very few. Tiny as she was, Mrs. Jane had put Billy firmly in his place with scarcely-veiled threats of removing me from his home if he "did not regard Bella's well-being" and allow me to make my own decision regarding attending school in Forks.

_If only..._

But I glimpsed the beginnings of fear in Billy's dark eyes as Mrs. Jane ever-so-sweetly informed him of my wishes and that, as my legal advocate, she would question me as to his treatment of me before we met with Judge Aro on Monday. If my report was anything but positive, Mrs. Jane would immediately recommend my removal from the Black home.

I knew that Billy desired my monthly check from Social Security far too much to endanger its continuation. Between his disability check and my government check as an orphan, he and Jacob lived fairly well, even if I received very little benefit.

Billy wasn't happy; that fact was certain. The moment the vehicles disappeared down the driveway, Billy, with a grim nod of his head, wordlessly ordered Jacob to lock me in my room again.

I would take wordless communication any day over yelling and hitting. My head held high, I walked in front of Jacob and entered my room, worried that Billy's nod meant more than I had noticed. I felt a sense of near-gratitude as Jacob clicked the deadbolt into place on the outside of my door, locking me in.

Locking them out.

_ Thank God._

Weakly I leaned my forehead against the cool door frame.

_So far, so good._

Throughout the afternoon and evening I heard Billy and Jacob's murmured discussion, sometimes becoming heated, of tactics and plans. I couldn't make out many words or phrases, even with my ear to the crack under my door, but their voices were not raised for once.

In a way, their calm calculations frightened me more than the angry yelling which was the norm in this house.

At least Jacob let me go to the bathroom before bed, and I returned to my room to find a pb & j sandwich on a paper plate and a bottle of water on my mattress.

To tell the truth, I wasn't expecting either courtesy tonight after the events of earlier today. I wondered if they were trying to make up for years of abuse with a little consideration tonight.

Talk about too little, _waaay_ too late...

The next few days were tense. I felt that I was walking on eggshells far more delicately than usual around Jacob and Billy. As was usual on Wednesday nights, Billy and Jacob left for the council meeting, leaving me locked in my room.

They never worried that if there were a fire or some other emergency, I would be helplessly locked in my room, unable to escape.

Knowing my bad luck, something like that would really happen.

Oh well. If it did, at least my waste of a life would be over, and I could see my parents again. _Maybe._ If (and it was a BIG "if") God was kind enough to take me into heaven, despite all I had done to ruin my family and the Blacks' family, too. God was supposed to be merciful, right?

Maybe I have suffered enough to make up for what I had done, although Billy always said that I would be damned for what I did. It was all my fault, after all. So maybe God wouldn't forgive me. I knew I didn't deserve it. Knowing me, He would probably not let me in to even see them for a moment if I died, much less allow me to remain in heaven with them.

My parents were good people. I'm sure they'd be in heaven, along with Jacob's mother. I had loved my parents so much. And Jacob's mom had been my mom, too. For a little while, anyway.

I missed her almost as much as I missed my parents.

But the people we love leave us. I had learned that lesson early. And I would never, ever forget it.

Billy came home from the council meeting in a rare temper. Rare even for him. Of course, he and Jacob had stopped by the bar on the way home, and Billy came back to the house smelling like cheap scotch, a scent I knew all-too-well meant nothing good for me.

I now have two new bruises, a huge one on my upper thighs from Jacob holding me in place so Billy could hit me, and a long, still-bleeding welt across my back from his belt. I was threatened that if I told Mrs. Jane or the judge about his "discipline," then he'd never let me go to school.

This threat worked, as he knew it would. He had seen the faint glimmer of hope in my eyes after Mrs. Jane's visit, and he couldn't let me have that.

I didn't deserve hope.

Before Jacob turned fifteen last year, he used to sneak in to help me after Billy "disciplined" me. He used to gently bathe my bleeding welts with a warm washcloth and bandage the worst places so they would heal faster. He used to sneak me Tylenol to help with the pain, and extra water for me to drink. Sometimes even a little extra food, as long as it wasn't enough for Billy to notice. I used to call him "Jake" back then and found so much comfort in his gentle touch and whispered apologies.

Then Billy got to him. All that talk about Jacob now being a "man" and getting to help Billy "discipline" me brought out the bad side of my only friend, my only ally. Jacob's temper could flare suddenly—as quickfire now as Billy's. I didn't really see it until Billy gave him permission to hit me a year ago.

That slap had destroyed our friendship. His handprint remained seared across my cheekbones for a complete week. After the first few times he hit me, he looked a little sorry.

Then Jacob stopped looking at me. Or if he did, his warm black eyes were ice-cold, just like his father's.

Jacob cared more for Billy's approval than for my love and friendship. I had loved him like a brother, and now he hated me almost as much as Billy did.

I don't know what Billy told him, but Jacob blamed me now for his mother's death and his sisters' absence when he didn't before.

I spent the rest of the week after Mrs. Jane left on my mattress, my ratty t-shirt sticking to the welts across my shoulder blades as they scabbed and bled, scabbed and bled. I could eat very little; my stomach was roiling constantly with anxiety and fear as Monday drew closer and closer.

My life could change on Monday.

Right now, unable to sleep more than fitfully because of the searing pain across my upper back and my aching black-and-blue thighs, I couldn't decide again if change was a good thing or a bad thing. Making my choice to attend school earlier in the week seemed like a stupid idea.

_What had I been thinking?_

Early Monday morning I woke, nauseous again with fear. My hands shook as I tried to brush my hair, as I pulled on worn jeans and a semi-clean t-shirt. Jacob had allowed me to shower the night before, so I brushed my teeth and washed my face during my morning bathroom break, strangely grateful for the extra time allotted me.

Instead of being escorted back to my room to eat my meager breakfast, Jacob pulled me into the kitchen and nudged me into a chair at the table where a bowl of cornflakes and a spoon sat beside a jug of milk.

"Eat," Jacob said shortly, glaring at me.

Wordlessly I poured the milk over the cereal and started eating, watching Jacob warily. He disappeared into Billy's room, apparently to help him get up and dressed as he did every morning. But for once I wasn't locked in my room during this routine, and I couldn't help glancing at the front door. Was it unlocked?

But reality hit me. Jacob was fast. He would chase me down, and no one on the reservation would help me if I made it to the street...which was doubtful. I sighed. There was no escape; I knew better than to hope.

School would still be my best chance to leave here. Perhaps permanently...God, I hoped so.

Closing my eyes, I prayed that things would work out for me today when we met with the judge. But I tried to stem the hope that was trying to make its way through to me. Nothing ever worked out for me. Why should today be any different?

Billy wheeled himself to the table next to me and poured himself cornflakes as well. His eyes were fixed on me unblinkingly as he ate. My spirit melted under the heat of his glare, the cornflakes roiling in my stomach, threatening to come back up. I swallowed hard, trying to ignore the burning of his eyes fixed on me.

"Bella," he said. "Look at me." His voice was low. I knew that tone. It was calm but dangerous. It was a voice I never dared to disobey. Ever.

I raised my eyes to his, seeing the barely-repressed anger in his cold black eyes.

"You are on display today. And you will not shame me or my family or this tribe. Understand?"

I nodded, swallowing hard again. I knew what he left unspoken. I was not to mention the abuse or anything unusual, like deadbolted doors. Like the scabbing welts across my shoulders. Like barely enough food to survive.

"You like living here. We're good to you. We're your family. You want to be homeschooled, just like always. Understand?"

My eyes left his for a moment. I couldn't lose this chance, despite what Billy was demanding of me. He wanted me to recant, to change my mind, to have me tell the judge that I did not want to attend school in Forks.

I couldn't let that happen, no matter what may await me on my return to Billy's house.

But I nodded my head obediently, looking into my empty cereal bowl, not meeting his insistent gaze. I would keep the peace now, and pay my dues when we got back.

Suddenly my chin was in Billy's harsh grasp as he forced my face toward his. I felt the tender flesh of my face bruise under his cruel fingers.

"Isabella? You understand?" Billy growled. "You will not shame me."

"I won't," I answered in a muffled whisper, tears filling my eyes at the pain of trying to speak around the pressure of his large hands. My words were garbled as Billy gripped my face more tightly for a moment, then let go.

With the absence of his hands, my jaw felt strangely numb, like it was not really part of my face. I wanted to challenge Billy about what the judge would say when he saw my bruised face. Finger marks are difficult to hide.

I got up from the table to place my bowl in the sink, still unaccustomed to being allowed the freedom to eat outside of my room. Billy grabbed my arm as I passed, creating another bruise.

"You'd better wear makeup today. Don't let anything show through. Got it?"

I nodded mutely, and he let go of my arm.

"And wear long sleeves," he growled over his shoulder as I started back toward my room.

And there it was.

Billy would get away with it as he always did, and no one would know about his and Jacob's beating me last Wednesday, or about Billy gripping my jaw and my arm this morning.

Yes, the Blacks would get away with it.

_Again_.

_**So please let me know what you think. :) **_


	5. Chapter 4

_**I'm sorry that this chapter is soooo late. I've been buried under a huge mess of rough drafts for my online research class that I had to comment on before the students can continue with revising and then submitting their final drafts. It's been a ton of work, but I did finally squeak out this chapter for you all. Thanks for your patience! **_

_**And enjoy! :)**_

**Chapter Four**

I swallowed hard as I paused in front of a rather imposing door. "Judge Marcus Aro" read the brass-plated engraved name on the oak door. I felt Mrs. Jane's reassuring hand on the small of my back, encouraging me to step forward.

"Take a deep breath, Bella. You'll be fine," Mrs. Jane smiled. But her smile was almost nervous, something I hadn't seen from her before. Mrs. Jane never wavered, so why was she looking almost as nervous as I felt?

After all, this was _**it**_.

This meeting would decide my future, in more ways than one. My stomach always took the brunt of my nerves, and my breakfast was threatening to make a reappearance. I swallowed again, closing my eyes and praying that I wouldn't vomit.

I heard Billy behind us, clearing his deep voice in annoyance as he and Jacob paused on Mrs. Jane's heels.

A secretary, presumably the judge's, hurried out from behind her very professional-looking desk. "You can't go into Judge Aro's chambers," she said. I turned, hoping that she wasn't speaking to me. There was no way in hell that I was letting Billy settle this all-important issue without me being there.

He would lie, as he always did, covering his tracks so expertly that everyone remained in the dark, just like always.

Mrs. Jane was the first person to ever begin to see through him, to have the slightest inkling of what kind of hellish situation I was in. Her sympathetic eyes and determined demeanor were the main reasons I was pushing forward with this possible change. I trusted her, and I rarely trusted anyone.

I brought my mind back to the present, letting out a low breath of relief when I saw that the secretary's eyes were fixed on Jacob.

Jacob was a big guy. I mean, _really_ big. Over the past year he had shot up at least six inches in height, and he looked like he spent hours each day in a gym working out, even though he didn't. He was solid, muscular, and huge; truthfully, he didn't look much like an almost sixteen year old in the least.

"No minors allowed in the judge's chambers," the secretary stated emphatically.

I was surprised that she took him for a minor; he looked like he was at least twenty-one to me. Seriously. And I also found it interesting that she hadn't leveled her attention on me yet; with my small stature and mousy appearance, I appeared younger than my seventeen years. I didn't even have decent boobs.

Then I saw the thick stack of files on the secretary's desk and realized that she knew who I was...who we all were. Mystery solved.

"Thank you, Gianna," Mrs. Jane smiled, confident once more.

Jacob's eyebrows rushed together in anger. "I need to push my dad's wheelchair. And he has stuff for me to do in there." His voice was aggressive, and I couldn't help shrinking slightly against Mrs. Jane at his tone.

I knew that tone boded no good, especially when I was involved.

"I will escort your father into chambers. And I'm certain that he will not require your assistance." Gianna's glare was truly Jacob-worthy, and, despite my nervous, jumpy stomach, I found myself slightly intrigued by this show-down before the meeting had even started.

"Then what about her?" Jacob questioned rudely, nodding his head in my direction.

"That's different," smiled Gianna, an air of triumph in her glance, then her eyes fell on me. "This hearing concerns her future, not yours."

And she winked at me, smiling kindly.

I gave her a faint, tremulous smile in return.

Jacob's quick intake of breath was audible to all of us. His hands, fisted in anger, began to shake with the power of his emotions. Only Billy's calming hand on his forearm seemed to quiet Jacob's tremors as the boy I had once looked upon as a brother sucked in several deep breaths, forcing himself to control his wild emotions.

Jacob had been the mellowest kid. A year and a half younger than me, he'd always been kind, quiet but fun-loving, and rarely lost his temper. But about a year ago, all that had changed.

And I had no idea why.

I didn't know this Jacob Black any more. But one thing I did know: he was no longer my brother or my friend.

He had become the enemy just as much as his father was.

His inexplicable change from relaxed kid to angry teen was perhaps the most difficult change to adjust to since my parents died. Jacob and I had been thicker than thieves throughout our childhood, and despite his sisters being closer to my own age, Jacob and I had bonded; we were literally each others' shadows. Where one of us went, the other was rarely far behind.

So the murderous glare he fixed upon me right now cut to my very soul, as it did every time he leveled it at me.

What had happened to my friend, my brother? He had clung to me after his mother's death, and he had secretly helped me throughout the drastic and dangerous shift of Billy's personality that soon followed. His sisters were there, of course, but they had left La Push as soon as they could, Rachel heading to UW for early-enrollment at age 16, and Rebecca marrying a Samoan surfer and moving to Hawaii at 17. After his sisters left the house, Jacob and I had bonded even closer. We were absolutely inseparable; he was willing to brave his father's anger in helping me bend Billy's bizarre rules concerning my treatment in their house.

But a year ago, all had stopped. And it had only taken one incident.

"Bella? Bella?" Mrs. Jane nudged me to gain my wandering attention. I looked at her, and she nodded toward the now open door of the judge's chambers.

She walked in, keeping one hand on the small of my back as Gianna pushed Billy's chair into the room. Jacob flung himself into one of the chairs in the waiting area across from the secretary's desk with barely-concealed rage, still glaring at me in a way that promised revenge when we returned to the reservation.

I sighed. One more thing to worry about today. My stomach flip-flopped sickeningly, and I swallowed down the rising bile again.

The room Gianna showed us into was not the office I had expected. Another door led off this large room, probably leading to the judge's private office. With the appearance of a board room, this large room was centered by a large oval table that would easily seat a dozen people. The wide windows across from the door we had just entered revealed a view of the Port Angeles harbor, swathed in its usual dimly-lit fog. If the Olympic Peninsula were ever sunny, the view would have been strikingly beautiful; now it was merely depressing, despite the light, modern furnishings.

I tried not to take the dank, gray day as a bad omen. Especially since nearly every day here was dank, gray, and depressing.

Just like my life, I couldn't help thinking, smiling inwardly at my melodramatic thoughts, so typical of a teen.

But why should today be any different?

Mrs. Jane took a seat in the center of the long side of the table, facing the windows and motioned for me to sit on her right. Gianna quickly removed two chairs a few places to the left of Mrs. Jane and pushed Billy's wheelchair up to the table. She left the room, quickly returning with an armful of file folders which she set on the opposite side of the table, facing us. The top one sported the name _Swan, Isabella. _

Once again I swallowed down the bile rising from my roiling stomach, feeling the color leaving my face only to be replaced by a thin sheen of perspiration.

_We were really doing this._

Gianna moved across the room to the slightly-ajar door through which we did not enter, knocking gently without saying a word. She turned, gave me another quick wink and smile, then exited the room, pulling closed the door to the waiting area behind her.

I didn't envy her facing an irate Jacob during this hearing, but if anyone could handle it, it seemed that Gianna could.

A flurry of movement appeared at the office door caught my attention, and a very slender man of medium height entered the room. He moved with a quick grace that made him seem ageless as he crossed the plush carpeting and took the seat directly across from Mrs. Jane. He nodded to her, and she returned the gesture politely.

Then he leveled his eyes on me. His black eyes stood out in his strangely pale, angular face. His was an oddly feminine face—with the right makeup, he could definitely do the whole drag queen thing. He might be beautiful, actually.

But there was a kindness in his dark eyes. His hair was dark also, and it surprised me that it was long—longer than shoulder length, pulled into a tail at the nape of his neck. He was dressed in a black suit with a dark charcoal-gray shirt and tie which emphasized the extremely paleness of his features. His face was unlined although he did not seem young in the least.

He was a very odd but arresting man, and I had the feeling that his perceptive eyes missed nothing.

And for some reason, I felt more relaxed than I thought I would. I settled into my chair, ready to do this thing.

_No matter what outcome awaited me._

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Two hours later we walked out of the judge's hearing, and I couldn't resist grinning widely at Jacob as Mrs. Jane escorted me through the waiting area, Billy right on her heels as he wheeled himself out.

I refused to look at Billy though; I knew all-too-well what would be waiting for me at home. I only prayed that attending school in Forks would be worth it.

Mrs. Jane held the glass doors open for me and for Jacob as he rose to push his father's chair into the narrow tiled hallway of the small family court building.

As soon as we reached the parking lot, Mrs. Jane rounded on Billy.

"I didn't want to say anything in front of the judge or his staff, but I have a pretty damn good idea of what you and your son have been up to," she hissed in a low, threatening voice. "And I will check Isabella for bruising and for any other physical or other abuse on a regular basis."

Billy leveled a stare at her that would have frightened another man, but Mrs. Jane continued, glaring back at him without fear.

"So listen carefully, Billy Black. Isabella is not to be punished for her decisions or for the judge's ruling here today. If she is, I _will_ find out, and I _will_ remove her from your home. In fact, nothing would please me more."

She turned to me. "Come with me, Isabella. I would like to drive you home."

"That isn't necessary," Billy inserted, his eyes cold.

"No, I insist," Mrs. Jane replied, just as frostily. Billy narrowed his eyes, and Mrs. Jane smiled back innocently.

"Jacob," Billy said, and Jacob pushed them to their truck in the front handicapped parking space.

"This way," Mrs. Jane directed me to her minivan, and, surprised, I followed her, pulling myself into the higher seat of the passenger side after she unlocked the door.

Mrs. Jane backed the vehicle out of the parking space, turning onto the highway that led back toward La Push...and Forks.

We were silent for a while. I relaxed into the passenger seat, relieved to spend even a simple hour's drive without the constant anxiety and fear that always filled me in the constant presence of Billy and Jacob.

After ten minutes of blissful quiet, Mrs. Jane shot me a triumphant look, grinning. "So, what do you think, Bella?"

I paused. It seemed too good to be true. And, with my luck, it probably would be.

Should I play along with Mrs. Jane's smiling perspective, or should I tell her the truth?

I went for the truth.

"I'll believe it when I see it," I murmured, hoping she wouldn't question my cynicism.

Mrs. Jane didn't seem upset by my pessimism. In fact, she shot me a kind look before returning her eyes to the road. "I'm sure you've heard a lot of promises over the years, haven't you?"

Tears began to gather in my eyes, but my face remained coldly removed. "You could say that," I ventured cautiously, not sure what to think.

"Bella, I won't make you a promise that I can't keep. But I will tell you this: I feel fairly certain that you'll be at Forks High tomorrow, and that you will continue attending for the remainder of the year at the very least."

"Tomorrow?" Shock caused my voice to rise an octave above normal. A smile rose unbidden to my lips, curling my mouth in unfamiliar ways. It had been a very, very long time since I had smiled like this. "Really? Tomorrow?"

Mrs. Jane returned my smile with a broad one of her own.

And there it was, at long last.

_Hope._

_**So, what did you think? Reviews make me very, very, VERY happy! And I am in desperate need of encouragement in the midst of grading essays, so please, please, please (yes, I'm begging!) pile 'em on!**_

_**Thanks for reading!**_

_**-Cassandra :) **_


	6. Chapter 5

_**Here's Chapter 5, exactly a week after my last posting...which isn't too bad considering my crazy-busy work schedule and four kids. Life can be absolutely insane at times—or hilariously funny. One or the other, anyway...or sometimes both at once. But it's never dull, at least...**_

**Chapter 5**

When Mrs. Jane braked her van to a stop at the intersection with the highway, with Forks to the east and La Push to the west, I was surprised when she made a right turn toward Forks rather than the left toward La Push and Billy's house.

I looked at her curiously, wondering where she was taking me. Of course, any delay in facing the wrath of the Blacks was very welcome at this point. I was definitely dreading returning to their house after winning my point in court this morning.

Mrs. Jane grinned at me as she straightened the steering wheel out of the turn and proceeded to drive toward Forks. "I thought," she said slowly, her grin widening, if that were even possible, "that we'd get all the paperwork done today so that you can start attending school tomorrow."

My blank look amused her. I didn't think her smile could get any bigger, but it did. Then she winked at me.

"Bella, we're going to enroll you at Forks High today."

"Wow," I whispered half under my breath. "You don't mess around."

Mrs. Jane threw back her head and laughed. She had a beautiful laugh, almost childlike in its innocent joy. "No, Bella. I do not 'mess around,'" she said, laughter still in her voice.

How long had it been since I had heard laughter? I mean real laughter—the happy, joyful kind. Mocking laughter—now that I was quite familiar with. But truly happy laughter? Not so much.

I don't think I've laughed since Jacob and I played together back when we were little kids, back when his mother was still alive. He was an innocent kid then, unacquainted with grief and loss. However, I knew both emotions too well after first losing my mom, then my dad.

But Jacob had brought out the child in me again, despite the painful life I had lived since my mom's diagnosis of cancer. And Jacob's mother had helped me recover my sense of humor and laughter as well.

Sarah Black had laughed. A lot. And her laughter reminded me of bells—a rounded, joyous, musical sound that rang often through the Black home. Her _joi de vivre_ ("joy of living") was infectious, and she pulled all of us into her silliness, making Billy toss back his head and laugh, a deep, throaty sound that reverberated throughout the house, Jacob and the girls joining in—and yes, even me.

Until I had ruined everything, that is.

But since the death of Sarah Black, laughter had become a foreign concept to me.

"Bella? Bella?"

I yanked myself back into the present. Mrs. Jane was waving her hand in front of my face teasingly.

"Earth to Bella?"

I shook my head, trying to rid my mind of the unbidden memories of happiness and laughter and Sarah Black: all three gone from my life now.

"Yes?" I asked politely as I focused on the woman beside me.

"I was asking if you wanted some lunch before we went to the school," Mrs. Jane inquired.

"Um, sure," I mumbled, surprised by her question. I was not accustomed to people asking after my welfare...or feeding me voluntarily. I really hoped that my shock at her solicitude didn't come off as ingratitude.

Billy always told me that I was ungrateful, and the last thing I wanted was to seem like I was not grateful for all that Mrs. Jane was doing for me. Turning away from her too-observant eyes, I looked out the window, trying to hide the tears beginning to gather. I sniffed once, twice, but Mrs. Jane didn't seem to notice, thankfully.

As we entered the town of Forks, Mrs. Jane pulled into the parking lot of a small restaurant.

"I haven't eaten at the diner in ages," Mrs. Jane smiled as we exited her minivan and approached the eatery. I tried to smile in response, but my smile was nervous, tremulous at best.

Once inside, we were shown to two stools along the front counter and were handed menus.

The whole concept of eating somewhere than my own bedroom was practically foreign to me. I had eaten out in restaurants when I was a small child; in fact, I was fairly certain that I had eaten in this very diner long ago. But I had rarely been allowed outside of the Blacks' house for the past five years, and they certainly hadn't fed me well after I had destroyed their family.

I looked over the menu, overwhelmed by the plethora of options before me: hamburgers, hot sandwiches, salads, soups, whole meals. What should I order? I felt confused and very unsure of myself. Was I supposed to pay for my meal? I had no money. Billy gave money to Jacob all the time to buy whatever he wanted, but never to me. I understood; Jacob was his son, and I was just a burden to them.

But the fragrance of the food wafted through the diner, making my stomach growl quite audibly. Inexplicably, tears rose to my eyes as the confusion and overwhelmed feeling rose in my chest, causing a sharp, almost painful knot of anxiety to form around my heart.

"Bella? What is it, sweetie?" Mrs. Jane asked kindly.

I couldn't speak. I shook my head, motioning that I was fine.

Mrs. Jane looked at me with tears brimming in her own eyes as understanding dawned, and she reached a hand towards mine on the counter top. Her warm hand squeezed mine for a moment as she gave me an encouraging smile. "Choose whatever looks good, Bella. This is my treat."

Still unable to speak, the tears spilled down my cheeks at her kindness.

I wasn't used to kindness.

"How about a hamburger and fries, Bella? Does that sound good to you?" she asked gently.

I nodded slowly, hoping I was not burdening her.

Mrs. Jane returned to perusing the menu, then asked, "Do you like milkshakes?"

I nodded again, swiping at the tears running down my cheeks with the hand Mrs. Jane was not holding.

"They have vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry. Which would you like?"

I still couldn't speak, but Mrs. Jane immediately understood.

"Vanilla?" she asked. When I didn't respond, she continued. "Chocolate?" After a pause, she went on. "Strawberry?"

I nodded once again.

"Perfect!" Mrs. Jane squeezed my hand again, then let it go as the waitress approached us.

Mrs. Jane placed my order for me, and then added a chicken Caesar wrap with a side salad for herself, winking at me as she added a chocolate milkshake to her otherwise healthy order.

I almost giggled as she winked at me.

I haven't giggled in such a long time.

When the food arrived, I felt like I was in heaven. It had been ages since I had eaten a hot meal, and even longer since I had enough food to actually fill me up. The milkshake was amazing—so sweet and so cold, and the fries were incredible—hot and salty. I'm sure that I completely forgot my manners as I gobbled down the delicious food, but it all tasted so wonderful, and I was so hungry.

Mrs. Jane watched me eat with a concerned look in her eyes, her lips folded tightly when she wasn't eating. I had a feeling that she was putting two and two together, figuring out that I wasn't being given enough to eat at Billy's. But I couldn't stop downing the food quickly despite Mrs. Jane's knowing eyes; I was just grateful that she didn't say anything about her deductions.

Mrs. Jane offered me part of her wrap after I had quickly cleared my plate, and I happily accepted part of her lunch and consumed it as well, trying to ignore Mrs. Jane's wide eyes as she watched me with a speculative gleam.

After she had paid the bill and left a generous tip, Mrs. Jane escorted me back to her vehicle, driving the short distance down the highway to Forks High School.

I vaguely remember driving past the high school often when I had lived in Forks with my parents, but I had never paid it much attention. The school consisted of many small brick buildings scattered about, rather than a massive, imposing structure. As we got out of the van, I looked over the campus with a growing sense of excitement.

Could my life really be changing this much?

Was it really possible that something _good_ could happen to me?

With her hand at the small of my back again, Mrs. Jane steered us toward a small building nearest the parking lot; I noticed a sign that read "Front Office" over the door. We followed a hedge-lined stone path and entered the warm building.

The first thing I noticed were the potted plants scattered throughout the small office, on top of and beside the three staff desks which were situated behind a long counter to separate the students from the school staff. Atop the counter were several wire baskets filled with a variety of papers. The desks were also very unorganized, with stacks of teetering files and loose papers scattered across the desk tops.

As Mrs. Jane and I waited at the counter for someone to notice us, I peered out the window at the large open spaces of bright emerald grass dotted with shrubs and towering trees that lay between the single-story brick school buildings, each one containing several classrooms.

"May I help you?" asked a red-haired woman, sitting at one of the desks and typing furiously on her computer keyboard. The cheap plastic name plate on her desk read _Shelly Cope, Office Manager._

"Yes. This is Isabella Swan, and she's a new student," stated Mrs. Jane crisply.

With some difficulty, the woman rose from her desk and approached the counter. She was rather heavy-set but smiled at me in a friendly way, so I tentatively returned her smile.

"Swan? Are you related to Charlie and Renee Swan? They used to live here, years and years ago."

My smile completely vanished as I nodded. I looked down, embarrassed by the pain that pierced me at the casual reference to my parents.

"Their daughter, actually," responded Mrs. Jane coldly. "I am Jane Fairfield with Child Protective Services."

Mrs. Cope nodded, still looking at me curiously. "Which school is she transferring from?" she inquired, and I wandered away to the window while Mrs. Jane explained the homeschooling situation, the court order—the whole story.

Peering between the old-fashioned louvers in the window, I watched some of the students milling about, apparently between classes. Small groups of two or three students crossed the lawn, chatting, backpacks thrown over one shoulder. Most were dressed casually, in jeans and sweatshirts with hoods, but some of the girls wore more intricate outfits, colorful scarves wrapped loosely around their throats and high-heeled leather boots.

But I didn't have a backpack. I barely had any clothing. The few items I had were passed down to me from Leah Clearwater, and they didn't fit well since Leah was several inches taller than I was, plus a couple of sizes larger. Even the well-worn shoes Leah's mother brought me were too big, causing me to shuffle my feet when I walked to prevent losing them. I didn't even have a winter jacket; at home I just wrapped myself in the thin blanket from my bed when the weather got cold.

So I literally swam in the very few clothes I had, and there was no way in hell that Billy would waste money on me for such frivolous things as a backpack, school supplies, shoes, jackets, and clothing.

Mrs. Jane must be delusional. This whole school thing would never work.

I felt my stomach lurching, despite how much food I had just eaten. I shouldn't have allowed myself to hope. _Stupid, stupid, stupid._

I dropped into one of the folding chairs in the waiting area in front of the counter, beside the window, despondent. A moment later Mrs. Jane took the seat beside me, a clipboard on her lap, and started filling out paperwork, occasionally asking me a question and jotting down my response in the blanks on the forms.

I answered her automatically, dully, while part of me mourned for this lost opportunity. I wondered why Mrs. Jane was bothering to fill out paperwork when I wouldn't be able to attend school here, anyway.

I should have known that something that sounded so unbelievably good would be just that: Unbelievable. Impossible.

Billy had won this battle, just as he won every battle.

Why had I foolishly attempted to believe otherwise?

_**So here's Chapter 5; I hope you like it. So will Bella be attending school after all? We shall see...**_

_**Please review and let me know what you think, k? **_


	7. Chapter 6

_**Yes, a short chapter, but I've been really sick for the past few days and it was post this or post nothing. And a short chapter is better than nothing, right? **_

**Chapter 6**

My jaw was set tight while I worked to suppress my tears of disappointment. Why did I let my hopes get the best of me?

I should know better by now.

School was an impossibility. I had no clothes, no shoes, no backpack, no nothing.

What was the point again? The point of _anything_?

I swallowed hard for about the fifth time in a row as I stared unseeingly out the window at the students of Forks High, blithely changing classes, seeming to be without a care in the world.

I mean, I'm sure they had some cares. But would they be anything like mine? Even if I could come to this school, would I make a single friend?

_One__friend,_ I prayed silently. That's all I asked if I could ever attend this school. Please, God. Just one.

Is that too much to ask?

Somehow it always was too much. God didn't seem to listen to me anymore.

As I sighed, swallowing my sadness again, a cool hand on my shoulder startled me, and I jumped slightly. Turning away from the window, I saw Mrs. Jane at my side.

"Ready to go, Bella?" she asked, her sharp eyes widening as she noted my tight expression. This woman missed nothing.

She was kinda scary that way.

I nodded, following her to the door.

"We'll see you tomorrow, Bella. Come here first thing in the morning, and I'll have your schedule for you, sweetie," called Mrs. Cope behind us.

I tried to smile at her, but I could tell from her uncertain expression that my attempt at cheerfulness was an epic fail.

Silently I followed Mrs. Jane through the now-empty halls; apparently all the students were in class at this time.

Mrs. Jane unlocked the passenger door of her van, and awkwardly I clambered in. No sooner had we buckled our seat belts when those cool eyes were on me.

"Tell me what's wrong, Bella."

I shook my head, looking straight ahead to avoid her too-perceptive gaze which continued to burn against the side of my face. Did she ever blink?

She hadn't started the vehicle yet, and I had a feeling that she would refuse to do so until I spilled.

So I yielded to the inevitable.

"I don't have a backpack. Or anything to wear," I mumbled.

"Is that all?" Mrs. Jane's voice was practically cheerful. "We have a small fund, given via private donations, to get you a few things, enough to hold you over, anyway."

I turned to her, trying to stifle the hope rising in my chest yet again. And failing. "Really?" I asked in disbelief.

"Really," she confirmed, smiling at my astonishment. Glancing at her watch, she frowned. "Hmm, I don't have time to take you into Port Angeles today before I have to pick up my kids from school. But we can make a quick stop at the thrift store here in Forks, and I'll pick you up a backpack in Port Angeles on my way to take you to school tomorrow. Do you have a color preference?"

I looked at her, jaw agape. "What?" I managed to gasp.

Starting the minivan, Mrs. Jane drove through the parking lot and back onto the main highway. "What color backpack, Bella?"

"Umm," I hemmed. I got to choose my own color? Wow. This was new. I was used to just taking whatever hand-me-downs were thrown at me. Now I had a choice? What a concept.

"Purple?" I asked tentatively. I loved purple, and I never saw it anywhere. Leah never gave me any purple clothing, and my room was completely colorless. Purple was cheerful, and I had so little cheer in my life.

"I'll see what I can do," smiled Mrs. Jane as she steered the vehicle into a tiny asphalt parking lot and parked beside a small square building with a crooked wooden sign hanging from the eaves which read: "Forks Thrift." The large window was hand-painted unevenly with red words advertising "Great Deals Every Day!"

Mrs. Jane turned to me, looking me over from head to toe critically. "What clothing do you have that actually _fits_ you?" she asked.

"Uh, I have these jeans and this t-shirt, and two more t-shirts like this. And these shoes, but they don't really fit," I said, pointing to the navy Keds that were two sizes too big.

"Bella, those jeans and that t-shirt certainly do not fit you properly," Mrs. Jane insisted. "Okay then, we're starting from scratch. Let's get to work; I have to hurry to pick up Alec and Renata from school in Port Angeles by three-thirty."

Forty-five minutes later, we were leaving the thrift store with a couple of hefty bags of clothing containing three pairs of gently-worn jeans that I had tried on to see that they fit; four t-shirts, one of them a classic "Who" concert shirt and three simple plain t's in green, blue, and brown. One was a v-neck and the rest were plain scoop necks. I also had two pairs of shoes: a pair of Keds in black that fit me perfectly, and a pair of black waterproof boots for rainy days that were a little worn but still looked cool. And I had two hoodies that fit me, one a dark blue-and-green plaid and one a plain purple, plus a rain jacket in black that was only a little bit big on me. Rolling back the sleeves once wouldn't be a big deal.

"I'll pick up some socks and panties for you when I get your backpack tomorrow morning," Mrs. Jane told me as we headed toward La Push. "Do you need bras?" she asked practically.

I blushed bright pink. I only had one of Leah's old bras, and it was ratty and at least one size too big.

"I'll take that blush as a 'yes,'" stated Mrs. Jane.

I nodded gratefully.

"From seeing you in the clothes today, my guess is a 32-B. Does that sound about right?"

I shrugged, not really knowing anything about bra sizes. I didn't have a mom during my early teens, remember?

"And probably a size 4 in panties, right?"

I shrugged again, not really knowing.

"Well, I can return anything that doesn't fit right. Just don't remove the tags until you've tried them on and they fit well, okay?"

I nodded.

As we approached La Push, I felt my stomach begin to twist. I clutched my arms over my middle, trying to quiet the nausea that overwhelmed me as soon as I thought of returning to Billy and Jacob's house. This day had seemed like a dream, but now reality was looming. I couldn't help holding my hand over my mouth, hoping I wouldn't get sick in Mrs. Jane's minivan.

And, of course, Mrs. Jane noticed immediately.

"Bella, what is it?" she asked, her eagle eyes kind while missing nothing.

"I don't want this day to end," I whispered through my fingers, too low for her to hear, I thought.

But of course she heard.

"Why not?" she asked, her eyes softening.

"It's been the best day of my life for the last ten years," I continued to whisper, afraid that I would jinx the day if I said much about it.

We pulled into the Blacks' long driveway, then Mrs. Jane parked in front of the house. The Blacks' truck was parked there, too, so they were home as Billy didn't drive any longer now that Jacob has his license.

I was surprised when Mrs. Jane also opened her door and walked toward the house with me, carrying my large bags of new-to-me clothing; I thought she would just drop me off. I looked at her with wide eyes, wondering what she was up to.

She smiled grimly, assuring me, "Let me walk you in and have a word with Mr. Black and his son."

I couldn't return her smile. Mrs. Jane was walking into a powder keg ready to explode at any minute, but I couldn't help admiring her drive and tenacity.

I opened the front door, feeling rather odd doing so; I very rarely left the house, so returning to it just felt weird. The television was on, and Jacob lay sprawled across the sofa in front of it, Billy seated in his wheelchair at his son's elbow. Neither looked up when we walked into the room.

"I need to speak to you for a moment, Mr. Black," Mrs. Jane spoke with an authority that snapped the eyes of both Blacks immediately to her tiny form. Turning toward me, she handed me the bags she carried. "Take these to your room, Bella. I'll see you at 7:15 tomorrow morning when I pick you up for school."

I nodded, giving her a tentative smile as I slipped down the dark hallway and into my room, waiting for the explosive argument I knew was coming after all that had happened today...

**FanFiction(dot)net is being a royal pain in not allowing me to edit the italicized words that they're jamming together without proper spacing. I'm trying to re-upload to change it, but I don't know if it will work... **

_**I apologize again for the short chapter. I've been flat-on-my-back sick since Saturday, and I wanted to at least post something for all of you. Usually my chapters are longer, but something is better than nothing, right? And I have a feeling that this argument might be rather epic...**_

_**Thanks so much for reading and for reviewing! Reviews make my day, and I don't get many of them, so please drop me a line! I respond to nearly all reviews!**_

_**I hope to be back to posting on my regular schedule soon: Pinned but Fluttering mid-week and Evening Star on weekends. **_

_**Thanks again for everything! Love to you all!**_

_**-Cassandra**____**:)**_


	8. Chapter 7

_**Hi! Hope you enjoy this chapter! **_

**Chapter 7**

I slipped into my room, placing the two bags of clothing on the bare mattress I slept on. I sighed. _Sheets__sure__would__be__nice._ But I shook my head; I couldn't let these new clothes make me discontent with what little I did have. After all, in the past Billy had sneered at me that I was "damn lucky" to even have a mattress to sleep on, much less a blanket for cold nights...

In fact, he had made it perfectly clear that if I complained even once, I would lose my battered pillow, my thread-bare mattress, and my thin blanket. For all he cared, I could sleep on the scratched and scraped wooden floor with nothing soft beneath me and nothing warm around me.

And I knew he meant it. Every word.

I started rifling through the bags, placing clothes on shelves in my closet since I didn't have a dresser and hanging up others. At least I now had a warm jacket to wear on cold nights. Those boots looked nice and warm, too; I could wear them while I slept if my feet got really cold.

I felt so grateful to Mrs. Jane for spending money on me. Despite the fact that she mentioned a "special fund" for clothing for kids in protective custody, I knew better; I had seen an odd expression quickly cross her face as she came up with the idea of the "special fund." At that point, my suspicions were confirmed: Mrs. Jane had bought me these clothes with her own money.

God bless her. Well, if there really was a god, that is. All I knew was that Mrs. Jane was an angel. A tough, no-nonsense, taking-no-shit-and kicking-serious-ass angel, but still an angel. Maybe even a savior of sorts.

I was liking her more and more each day. And I was beginning to trust her more than I had trusted any person since Sarah Black had died. Perhaps even since my own parents had passed away and left me with the Blacks.

After putting away my new clothes, I paused in the center of my shabby, filthy room, hearing the voice of my "angel" raised in anger.

_Uh__oh._

_ It was starting. _

So, was I going to be a coward and hide here in my room, or was I going to go out there to face the anger of Billy and Jacob?

Billy's voice lashed out toward Mrs. Jane, and I heard him cursing her with vile words.

_Okay.__That's__it._

I'm not going to cower in here while Mrs. Jane took all the heat for me.

Not feeling remotely brave but putting on a decent pretense (I hoped), I marched out my door, down the dark hall, and into the main room. Mrs. Jane stood in the middle of the Blacks' tiny living room, her lips thinned in anger as Billy wheeled his chair toward her, yelling at her to mind her own business and leave him and Jacob alone.

_No__mention__of__me,__of__course._

Arms folded across his chest, Jacob leaned against the cheap Formica breakfast bar that separated the kitchen from the living room, his eyes glaring and watchful.

"Now listen, you bitch," Billy hissed at the diminutive blond woman who had become my best (and only) friend over the past few days. "You are to walk your little ass right out my front door and never come back. I will sue your ass and your department if you harass me or Jacob again. I take good care of this girl, and you have no right to insinuate otherwise. You may have a court order for her to attend that fucking high school, but I will make her change her mind, and you can't force her to go to school against her will, can you?" Billy's voice lowered to a self-satisfied sneer as he finished his tirade, smirking as he waiting for Mrs. Jane to retreat.

But the tiny blond woman was immovable and unflappable. "Bella will not change her mind," Mrs. Jane said quietly. "She's a strong girl, and I think she'll stand her ground, no matter what you threaten to do to her. And if there's a single bruise or mark on her, tomorrow or any time in the future, or if she reports that either of you lays a hand on her _ever_ again, I will remove her from this house so fast that your heads will spin."

Although Mrs. Jane did not raise her voice, the quiet determination on her face and in her words floored me and encouraged me at the same time. And both Billy and Jacob looked positively gobsmacked by her refusal to fold in the face of their hostility.

"We'll see, bitch," Jacob growled, his eyes narrowing as he glared at her."You will be sorry if you keep interfering in our home." His voice lowered viciously. "You have kids, right? I'd be very careful if I were you."

Mrs. Jane spun to face Jacob. "Is that a threat, Mr. Black?" she asked in a controlled voice. "Because if it is, I will file a report with the Forks Police Department and a complaint with Judge Aro in Port Angeles. In fact, I believe I will do so on my way home. So, if anything does happen to my family, the police would know exactly whom to blame."

Jacob paled, glancing fearfully at his father. Billy caught his eye, shaking his head in negation at Jacob as the older man swallowed his anger.

I suppressed a smile. Mrs. Jane had both huge Quileute men cornered beautifully. And all four of us knew it.

Billy forced a sour smile across his wide face. "My son is hot-headed, Mrs. Fairfax. I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it. Did you, Jake?"

"Of course not," Jacob said, cowed, his eyes on his sneakers.

"I'm very pleased to hear it," Mrs. Jane smiled with satisfaction. Her eyes swung to me. "I'll be by tomorrow morning, Bella, with the rest of your things. And," her eyes leveled first on Jacob and then on Billy as she spoke, "I will be taking a look at Bella's bedroom when I come by." As Billy's and Jacob's eyes met in fear, she spoke flatly as she walked toward the front door. "You've been warned. See you all first thing tomorrow." She smiled sweetly at me over her shoulder as she opened the door and left the house.

The three of us waited soundlessly until we heard her vehicle turn onto the highway. Then both Billy's and Jacob's eyes met again, this time speculatively, and I could almost hear the wheels turning in their minds.

"Bella, go to your room," Billy ordered roughly. "Jake, lock her in."

Jacob approached me, and I started moving toward my room ahead of him before he could touch me. I entered my room, and Jacob slammed the door closed, locking the deadbolt with an echo of finality.

"Hope you're not hungry tonight, Bella," Jacob growled through the door. "'Cuz you ain't getting nothing tonight, you bitch."

I collapsed onto my mattress, relieved that I hadn't been yelled at or touched during the confrontation; their anger had been directed mostly at Mrs. Jane rather than myself. Although I had expected Billy and Jacob to skewer me once she left, apparently they wanted to make some plans before they took any action.

Wise choice.

At least they were scared enough of Mrs. Jane's threats to think twice before doing anything to me.

For now, anyway.

I let out a huge sigh of relief.

Tiptoeing to my door, I cupped my ear against the thin wood barrier and could barely hear the rise and fall of voices as Billy and Jacob talked rapidly. But I couldn't make out distinct words.

They discussed their options for a good fifteen minutes, and then I heard the deadbolt bang open. Quickly jumping away from the door, I landed on my mattress stomach-first, scooping up my copy of _Wuthering__Heights_ and pretending to read.

Jacob entered my room, a toolbox in hand. He glared at me malevolently as I looked up at him from my position on the floor where my mattress lay.

"Dad says we have to get this room looking normal with that bitch checking it out tomorrow," he growled. "I'm going to take down the plywood over the window and move in an old bedframe that Sue Clearwater brought over. She's going to bring over some sheets and other shit, too."

Turning his back to me, Jacob took a power drill from his tool box and began removing the screws in the plywood over the only window in my room. I pretended to keep reading while Jacob completed his task, the drill making a horrible racket that kept me from concentrating. At least the noise masked the rumbling of my stomach, keeping my hunger from Jacob's notice even if I could feel it. Ten minutes later, he lifted the plywood from the window, carrying it out my door and down the hall.

He returned with a cheap metal bedframe— with no headboard or footboard—which he tossed onto the floor next to me, the noise startling me. Jacob snickered at my reaction; he always took great delight in frightening me.

"Off the mattress," he snarled.

I scrambled off, taking my book with me and backing into a corner out of Jacob's way as he shoved the frame into the corner of the room then tossed the worn, sagging mattress on top of it.

Billy rolled his wheelchair into the doorway of my room, throwing Jacob a large, apparently lightweight garbage bag.

"Sue dropped these off. Get the room fixed up," Billy ordered his son. As he turned his chair to wheel back down the hall, he sneered at me, "Help him, you useless bitch."

I turned away from the door, shocked by Billy's words. Despite his obvious hatred of me, he had never before stooped to calling me that name, even though I had deserved it. Jacob thrust the bag at me with great force, almost knocking me over.

"You heard my dad. Help get this shit done," he said snidely.

Opened the bag, I found limp pale blue sheets, a somewhat-worn white comforter with blue and pink flowers, and some very dusty lace curtains (which apparently used to be white at some time in the past) inside. I pulled the sheets out and started making the bed, topping the sheets with my thin blanket and the faded comforter, then stuffing my ancient pillow into the pillow case, plumping it as best I could. Standing back to admire the effect, I smiled to myself, thrilled that for a short time at least, I was going to have a fairly normal-looking bed. I was glad that I had already put away my new clothes, too. But the room was still dirty and smelly, the wood floors filthy and the walls and window grimy.

While I made the bed, Jacob turned his drill to removing the deadbolt on the outside of my door, then patching the holes in the frame and wall. As he finished, I tried shaking out the yellowed lace curtains, choking on the dust I raised.

"Geez! Where did Sue find these things? And how many years were they hanging up? God!" I complained between coughing fits, my eyes watering as the dust flew everywhere.

A loud noise reverberated through the room, startling me. Wiping dust and tears from my eyes, I backed slowly toward my bed as the metal can of putty ricocheted off the wall over my bed, deeply denting the plaster; Jacob had thrown it with incredible power. As I watched the now-flattened can bounce across the floor, Jacob rounded on me, the corner of the putty knife he had been using to patch the holes left by the deadbolt pointing directly at my chest.

"Listen, bitch," he growled. "You have no right whatsoever to criticize anything anyone does for you. You had better just be grateful that Sue had this shit lying around to give you. It's all your fault that the bitch from CPS is here anyway. If you hadn't fucking decided to go to that fucking high school, she would have been gone by now. But nooooo..."

Red-faced with anger, Jacob towered over me, the knife shaking in his hands as he gesticulated with it, punctuating every sentence as he brought the knife closer and closer to my body. Trying to avoid the flat knife with its pointed corners, I fell back onto my bed, balancing myself on my elbows to keep him in sight even though I was pretty well cornered by his huge body. Frightened tears sprang to my eyes as I watched Jacob come even closer, brandishing the knife at me, his entire arm trembling now.

"So now I have to spend my evening getting this shit together to make a good showing for that bitch instead of hanging with the guys. So you had better stop bitching about having to help. After all we've done for you over the years, and all you've done to ruin this family, do you really think you have the right to bitch about anything?" His words were coming faster, and now not just his hands and arms were trembling, but his whole body was shaking uncontrollably with the violence of his tremors until his form almost seemed to blur. An animalistic growl rumbled from deep within him, frightening me further.

"JACOB!" Billy's sharp voice rang out from the doorway, and Jacob whirled around to face his father. Billy's face was tightly set in controlled anger as he stared at his terrifying son, but I also detected fear lurking behind Billy's eyes. "Outside, Jacob! NOW!"

Glaring at me one final time, Jacob stalked out of my room, pushing aside his dad's wheelchair which nearly blocked the doorway.

Still stunned, I lay on my bed, propped up on my elbows, my feet on the floor and my head touching the wall behind me, staring at Billy. Silent tears streamed down my face as I dazedly wondered what the hell had just happened.

_Who__was__Jacob__and__what__was__happening__to__him?_

Billy returned my stare impassively. Glancing around my room, his eyes returned to me. "Get the cleaning shit from under the kitchen sink and the broom and mop from the laundry room. I want this room sparkling in an hour. Understand me?"

I nodded, tears still slipping down my cheeks.

"Go! Now!" he ordered, and I scurried past him, quickly gathering the cleaning supplies and returning to my room, Billy still sitting in his chair blocking my doorway.

He wasn't done yet. _Of__course__not._

His low, even voice was menacing. "Don't get any ideas, Isabella Swan. Just because the plywood and the deadbolts are gone doesn't mean you get to go anywhere in this house without my permission. If you try to escape or tell that Mrs. Fairfax anything else about us, you will _very_ much regret it." Spinning his chair around abruptly, he left, quietly closed my bedroom door behind him.

Immediately I began sweeping, cleaning, and mopping my room, the hot tears continuing to flow down my face, dripping from my chin onto the worn wooden floors as I frantically scrubbed them, an occasion sob breaking out from deep within my chest.

_**So let me know what you think, okay? Reviews make my day! **_

_**And, yes, we'll be seeing Edward soon, and yes, the Cullens are vampires (even though we're not getting into the Volturi), just as werewolves exist in La Push. **_

_**Have a great week, and I'll see you all next Wednesday!**_

_**-Cassandra :)**_


	9. Chapter 8

**Please don't kill me. But the Cullens don't appear yet—the Blacks have some last-minute business before Bella leaves for school, and I thought it was important to write this part. So, perhaps I'll update earlier than usual to make up for it? ducking to avoid the tomatoes being thrown at me for the lack of Cullens**

**Chapter 8 **

I woke to a normal gray, cloudy morning in Washington...or at least the mornings I remembered from years ago. I lay in bed for a moment, basking in the muted light shining through my now open window, the lace curtains hanging on either side. Even though Jacob had nailed the window shut years ago, just having natural light in my room was a revelation. I felt my face stretching into the unusual form of a smile, and my heart felt as light as my room.

I haven't been this happy in years.

I sat up in bed, hugging myself. I had actually slept on clean sheets, with a comforter on top of my usual worn blanket, and with a pillow _and_ pillow slip! What riches!

I felt like I had won the lottery at least, or perhaps I'd gone to heaven. Or was I dreaming? I pinched my forearm hard, flinching from the self-inflicted pain joyfully.

Nope—not dreaming.

This was reality. _My_ reality.

And today I was going to school at Forks High. I hugged myself again, grinning from ear to ear, still unable to fully grasp my good fortune.

Hopping out of bed, I turned and pulled up the sheets and comforter neatly, fluffing my pillow. I stepped back, satisfied at my neatly-made bed. My room smelled sweetly clean even though the slight ammonia scent of Windex remained. But I could easily handle the smell of cleaners over the filth I had been living in.

I practically danced to my closet, pulling out one of my new-to-me pairs of skinny jeans, my new-to-me concert t-shirt, and the coveted purple hoody. Mrs. Jane had yet to arrive with my new bra and panties, but that was okay—I just hoped I'd have time to change into them before she took me to school.

With clothes in hand, I knocked on the inside of my bedroom door, afraid to go outside my room without permission. I didn't want to make Jacob or Billy angry with me this morning, so I knew better than to consider waltzing out of my room without their express approval. I hoped they would let me shower this morning, or if not, I thought I could at least wash my hair in the bathroom sink and manage a decent sponge bath.

I heard footsteps approaching my closed bedroom door; it was Jacob.

"What do you want?" he growled.

"May I use the bathroom and shower before school?" I asked meekly.

"Just a minute." I heard Jacob stride down the hallway toward Billy's room. Then the low rumble of male voices, too low for me to distinguish their words, hummed for a few minutes as they apparently decided upon my cleaning rituals. I sighed impatiently, tapping my foot.

I stilled my tapping as Jacob's footsteps returned, and he opened my door, glaring at me as he confirmed, "Five minute shower. That's it."

Nodding gratefully, I scurried to the bathroom and showered quickly before I drew on the new-to-me clothes from the thrift shop. I didn't have a blow dryer, so I towel-dried my hair as best I could and brushed the tangles out, hoping it would dry enough before school started.

As I exited the bathroom to return to my room, I heard an insistent knocking on the front door and paused in the hallway. Cursing in irritation, Jacob pushed by me to answer the door, his huge shoulder shoving me hard against the hallway wall; tears sprang to my eyes as my shoulder and upper arm scraped painfully against the rough wall. He didn't bother looking back to see if I was hurt as he proceeded to the front door, flipped the deadbolt, and grimly opened it.

Mrs. Jane stood on the porch, a large WalMart bag in hand. Greeting Jacob coolly, she entered the living room, immediately spying me where I stood at the hallway entrance, still up against the wall where Jacob had shoved me.

"Are you all right, Bella?" she asked solicitously, hurrying up to me. I swallowed hard, trying to dislodge the lump in my throat at Jacob's moment of violence disguised as carelessness. Looking past Mrs. Jane, I caught Jacob's eye and his tight-lipped glare warned me wordlessly to cover up what had just happened.

Or there would be dire consequences.

I wiped the tears from my cheeks. This was so _not_ the way I had wanted my first day of school to begin.

Breaking Jacob's stare, I looked down at my feet as I answered her question. "I t-t-tripped coming out of the bathroom and fell into the wall," I mumbled.

Mrs. Jane reached forward, taking my chin gently in her hand and tipping my face up so that she could look me in the eye. Her eyes were warm but penetrating. Yep, this woman missed nothing.

"Bella, is that really what happened?" she asked kindly. But I couldn't look at her; my eyes remained downcast. I knew that the truth would be recognizable in my eyes. Daddy had always said that he could read my eyes like a book. And I couldn't let Mrs. Jane read me now, or I would pay for it later. Big time.

And really, it had been just a little shove. I don't know why I was getting so upset about such a common, everyday occurrence.

But then, this was not "every day." This was a special day. My life was at long last approaching some sort of normalcy: I had clothes to wear, an almost normal bedroom to sleep in, and I was going to school for the first time in years.

I couldn't allow my weakness to mess up my one chance at a relatively normal existence.

Taking a deep breath, I forced myself to raise my eyes to Mrs. Jane's gentle but insistent glance and nodded my head, my voice sounding lifeless even to me. "That's what happened. I'm a klutz. I do stuff like this all the time."

I sensed, rather than heard or saw, Jacob's relief at my almost-convincing response. I was a rotten actress, and I knew that Mrs. Jane's penetrating eyes saw through me to an extent, but she really couldn't do anything now that I "confessed."

Sighing, Mrs. Jane let go of my chin and handed me the WalMart bag. "You'll find some underthings in here. Why don't you change in the bathroom while I take a look at your bedroom."

I nodded as Billy wheeled himself down the hallway from his room. His sharp eyes noted my still-drying tears, Jacob's triumphant grin, and Mrs. Jane's frustration, and his eyes lit up with amused disdain. He had heard Mrs. Jane's words and offered, with seeming openness, to show Mrs. Jane my room.

Slipping back into the bathroom, I took off my clothes and, with toenail clippers I found in the bathroom drawer, I carefully cut the tags off the plain white bra and slit open the bag of pastel-flowered cotton bikini panties. Despite the stress of the last few minutes, I smiled softly. Mrs. Jane had chosen exactly what I would have picked out if I had been with her. It was nice to know that at least _someone_ understood me.

I slipped on the underthings then layered my clothes on top. Everything fit perfectly. Even my small boobs looked nice in the well-padded bra. And wow, there was even a plastic bag with six pairs of white socks in the WalMart bag. I ripped the bag open and pulled on a pair of thick, bright white socks—all my pairs from Leah had had holes in them and they were more gray than white. New socks, new underwear, and two new bras—I felt like a queen.

I quickly brushed my hair, deciding to leave it down so I could hide behind it if needed; perhaps I'd be brave enough for a ponytail tomorrow. After brushing my teeth (and Mrs. Jane had even included a new toothbrush! The old one I had was crushed nearly flat by several years' use), I exited the bathroom and carried the WalMart bag to my room.

The door was ajar, and I pushed it open the rest of the way. Mrs. Jane stood alone in the middle of the room, her sharp eyes taking in everything: the white walls which I had scrubbed clean last night—my arms still ached this morning—the plain, neat bed, the lace curtains, the mostly-empty closet filled with what Mrs. Jane had given me yesterday and little else.

Except for the bed pushed up against the far wall and the curtains hanging on either side of the small window, the bedroom walls were blank. Empty. No pictures, no posters, no decorating of any kind. No dresser, no desk, not even a bed table. My pride of this morning in having an almost normal room faded as I saw this nearly-empty and definitely impersonal room through Mrs. Jane's eyes. A bed, a closet, a few tattered books half-hidden on the closet shelves, a window hung with yellowed lace curtains—my room appeared more impersonal than a guest room. Nothing of _me_ was in this room.

But I sighed, knowing that this room, plain and empty as it was, showed a vast improvement over its condition yesterday: filthy walls and floors because they never allowed me to clean, the window no longer covered in plywood, the deadbolt removed and patched from the outside of the door, the place smelling fresh and clean rather than rank and filthy.

Mrs. Jane turned to me, giving me a searching look. I'm not sure what she was looking for, but she gazed into my eyes for a long time—almost as if she were capable of reading my mind. I felt strangely mesmerized by her gaze, wondering what she was seeing as she looked at me for what seemed like hours but was really only thirty seconds or so.

Finally, her lips moved into a small smile, her eyes still looked concerned. "Did everything fit?" she asked me quietly.

I nodded, returning her smile with a tentative one of my own. "Yes. Everything is perfect. Thank you so much." I looked down at my feet, now shod in the new-to-me canvas sneakers, then glanced up again at her shyly. "I haven't had such nice things in a long time. Especially new things. I can't thank you enough."

Mrs. Jane's smile widened. "You're very welcome, Bella." I quickly put the rest of the underclothing away in my closet, and we left my room together.

Billy and Jacob were eating breakfast at the kitchen table. I noticed that nothing was set out for me. Mrs. Jane seemed to notice too, and she glanced at me quickly before asking, "Have you eaten, Bella?" Despite Billy's glare, commanding me to answer affirmatively, I shook my head "no," silently rebelling.

She looked at her watch. "Well, we need to get going to arrive at school on time. We'll pick you up something on the way _this_ time, Bella." Mrs. Jane gave a curt nod to Billy, another to Jacob, her eyes burning at them in such a way that they looked down at their plates of eggs, suddenly seeming ashamed.

Wow. Mrs. Jane sure knew how to give a monster guilt-trip. Even to monsters like Jacob and Billy.

Billy pushed his wheelchair back from the table, turning to face me. "I need to speak with you for a moment before you leave," he said ominously.

But Mrs. Jane laughed her beautiful laugh and placed her hand on the small of my back to escort me out. "Unfortunately, we're running a little late this morning, Mr. Black, and we don't have time. I'm sure it can wait until Bella gets home from school."

Jacob was on his feet and in Mrs. Jane's face so fast that I stumbled backward a step or two in shock. His huge form loomed over her tiny body as he growled, his teeth gritted in anger, "Listen, lady, you don't tell my dad what to do. If he wants to talk to Bella before she leaves, then he's going to do it. You hear me?" he growled. Like last night, Jacob was trembling with the force of his anger, his fists balled and shaking at his sides.

He was really beginning to scare me.

But Mrs. Jane was unfazed by his threats. "I'm sorry, but we really are late." She reached out and placed her hand on my back again. "Come, Bella. You must not be tardy on your first day of school, especially since we still need to feed you on the way."

Mrs. Jane smiled pleasantly at the Blacks, but her eyes were hard. "Have a good day, gentlemen." I detected the faint sarcasm she employed on the word "gentlemen" and despite being frightened by this latest show of the notorious Black temper, I nearly smiled.

I followed Mrs. Jane out to her van, and she unlocked the passenger door for me as she had done yesterday. I clambered in awkwardly, then was surprised to see a second WalMart bag at my feet. Sliding in and starting the minivan, Mrs. Jane threw me an impish smile as she encouraged, "Go ahead. Open it."

As I opened the bag, I sucked in a breath so hard I almost choked. Inside was a purple-and-black plaid backpack. Again, if I had gone shopping myself, this backpack would have been my exact choice. Pulling it out of the bag, I hugged it to my chest, my eyes closed tightly as I fought back happy tears.

This day has been such an emotional roller coaster already, and I haven't even had breakfast yet.

**Well, I wrote this for NaNoWriMo, and between writing chapters for this story and _Evening__Star_, I'm waaaay ahead of my daily word count. ;) I hope you like this chapter!**

**Please, please, please review! Reviews make me ecstatic! And they make me write faster, too. Seriously. **

**-Cassandra :)**


	10. Chapter 9

**My apologies for the lateness of this chapter. Between houseguests, midterms and essays to grade, an online class I'm teaching that's taking a great deal of my time, and the nastiest cold I've had in the past decade, all forces were against me. **

**But the good news: two Cullens appear in this chapter...along with a few other characters you'll recognize. **

**My apologies for any italics-running-together issues. I tried to not use italics too much, and this site won't let me fix them! My apologies. It's driving me crazy! I don't have problems uploading it on other sites. **

**ENJOY! **

**Chapter 9**

As we backed up then drove toward the highway to Forks, Mrs. Jane pulled a brown paper bag from her tote bag nestled between our seats and handed it to me.

"I was afraid they wouldn't bother to feed you this morning," she said softly, kindly not looking at me. "It's just a bagel with cream cheese and a banana, but it's breakfast. There's some juice in there, too."

"Thank you," I murmured, blushing and even more grateful that she wasn't looking at me with that kind, almost pitying expression that always embarrassed me.

Hungry, I removed the food and juice box from the bag and began wolfing it down. Occasionally I noticed Mrs. Jane glance at me from the corner of her eye with a little consternation, obviously worrying that I wasn't being fed properly.

She was right, of course, but I was too damn proud to admit it, despite my appetite giving me away this morning.

I nearly groaned with pleasure as I devoured the food—the bagel was still warm after being toasted, slathered with a thick layer of cream cheese and strawberry jam. Although in a box appropriate for little kids, the apple juice was cold and sweet and very welcome.

It was undoubtedly the best breakfast I had eaten in years.

When I was finished, I tried to be surreptitious about licking the extra cream cheese and jam from the aluminum foil wrapper and from my fingers. But I doubt Mrs. Jane was fooled.

If anyone had "mom instincts" for missing nothing, it was this tiny woman.

I was enjoying the food so much that the miles slipped by quickly, and before I knew it, Mrs. Jane had pulled up in front of Forks High. Gulping down the last of the juice through its miniscule straw, I leaned forward to scoop up the backpack.

"Bella," Mrs. Jane said, turning in her seat to face me. "I put a five-subject binder inside the backpack. Purple." She grinned at me before continuing, "You'll find pencils and pens in the smallest zippered pouch."

Then her expression became serious. "Now, did the Blacks give you lunch money for today?"

Suppressing a disdainful snort, I shook my head in the negative, gripping the backpack to me like a life preserver.

"I'll set you up on the free lunch program today. The school will have you on the books for tomorrow," Mrs. Jane assured me. "Just stop by Mrs. Cope's desk to pick up your punch card tomorrow and the first day of each month. And," she glared through the windshield, "because I seriously doubted that the Blacks would provide you with lunch money, you'll find a few dollars along with the writing instruments in the front pocket."

Totally tearing up with her thoughtfulness, I leaned forward and impulsively did something I hadn't done in over a year: I hugged someone, namely Mrs. Jane. It had been over a year since I had dared to embrace Jacob, and before that years since I had hugged his mom. "Thank you," I managed to choke out.

Touching someone...and letting someone touch me...was a frightening scenario for me. It truly scared me shitless. But it was different with Mrs. Jane, probably because she was just so damn motherly.

Mrs. Jane returned the hug warmly. "Have a wonderful day at school, Bella. And call me any time you need any thing. Anything at all. You hear me?"

I nodded against her shoulder, unable to speak in the welcome warmth and motherly feel of her embrace. A single tear crept down the side of my nose, then dripped onto my hoody. I sniffled once.

Somehow the sound separated us and we let go, smiling a little at one another. I could see the anxiety for me in her eyes, and I was sure that my own rising panic was quite evident in my own.

"I'm proud of you, Bella, sweetie," Mrs. Jane said quietly. I nodded quickly, then let myself out the passenger door before any more tears made an unwelcome appearance.

Damn, I hated crying.

It was a sign of weakness.

But just that one tear today had freed a little something in me, that same something that Jacob's rude slam this morning had suppressed. Although I still felt scared and unsure of myself, I also felt unaccountably light and more than a little excited.

Change was here. And I welcomed it.

This was my chance to alter my pathetic life, and I had better damn well take this chance and run with it. It would be the only chance I'd get, after all.

Turning around when I was halfway across the lot, I saw Mrs. Jane sitting in her minivan, watching me as I approached the school buildings. I gave her a tentative wave and a small smile, both of which she returned before starting her vehicle.

I watched her make a left turn onto the highway, and didn't move until the now-familiar minivan disappeared from my sight.

Sighing once, I squared my shoulders and prepared to start my first day of school.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

After checking in with Mrs. Cope and getting my schedule and a map of the school, I made my uncertain way to my first class (and my favorite subject), English. I stopped in the doorway, my senses overwhelmed. The amount of exuberant noise in the classroom surprised me; I had to quell the automatic reaction to cover my ears. After being practically isolated for years, this level of noise and activity was new to me, as were crowds. I shrank into myself, steeling my mind to actually enter the classroom, hoping that the teacher's presence would calm the hyperactive students once he or she arrived.

As I prepared myself to enter the wildly noisy room, I was shoved rudely from behind. Stumbling forward, I grabbed the doorframe to keep myself upright. A high-pitched laugh sounded behind me.

"Jesus, don't block the door, bitch," hissed a girl with long blonde hair and a sour expression. She glared at me with strangely pale blue-green eyes, looking me over from head to foot, sneering a little as she did so.

"Worthless," she muttered, flouncing to a nearby seat and throwing an arm around the shoulders of a handsome, dark-skinned boy. He winked at me, and I blushed.

Closing my eyes for a moment, I swallowed hard, trying to smother the heat rising on my face and the tears forming in my eyes. Perfect. Was I really starting my school career as a crybaby? I was worthless, just like she said...

I opened my eyes and glanced over the room, looking for an open seat. The seats—chairs with a laminate wood-type table attached to the left side of the chair—were arranged in four long rows, with three aisles between the rows, plus aisles along the sides and along the back of the room. One long wall consisted of windows from about four feet above the floor to the ceiling. Near the back row of seats, a closed door was set along the same wall as the one I had entered. As my eyes roamed, I notices that the back row of seats seemed empty, so I started moving from the front of the room in that direction, sliding as unobtrusively as possible into the seat closest to the windows which were cracked open. Fresh air might be a good idea at this point; it could only help to calm me.

No one was sitting near me. Most of the students, including the rude girl who had shoved me and the boy who winked, were gathered in a group near the front of the room near the teacher's desk, apparently catching up with one another after the two-week winter break. At least I was coming back to school at a somewhat unobtrusive time of year, the beginning of a new semester.

A girl with straight honey-colored hair entered the room and walked down the aisle toward me. I quickly ducked my head to avoid her gaze, picking up my backpack from where I had dropped it on the floor beside me and taking out the binder that Mrs. Jane had purchased me. And as she had promised, it was purple.

I couldn't help a secret grin. Mrs. Jane knew my preference for all things purple and had kindly purchased this wonderful notebook-binder for me, which, as I glanced about the room, was similar to what the majority of the students were carrying.

As I peeked through the remaining contents of the backpack, I spied a package of college-ruled notebook paper which I quickly split open and added to each of the five divisions of the padded binder. Wadding the plastic that had enclosed the lined paper and tossing it into my backpack, I looked up to see the honey-haired girl twisted around backward in her chair, looking at me curiously.

Of course I blushed, embarrassed by her unwavering gaze.

Then pink burned in her cheeks, too—an occurrence that made me feel much more comfortable.

"I-I-I'm s-sorry for staring," the girl stammered, looking down at her hands on the back of her seat. "Y-y-you look familiar, somehow. Are you from around here?"

She looked up at me, and I was relieved both by her shyness and by the kindness of her eyes. They seemed familiar to me, too.

"Angela?" I asked without thinking, then blushed even deeper...which I wasn't sure was possible.

"Isabella? Isabella Swan?" she asked in return, shocked.

"Yes. I go by 'Bella" now," I answered, excitement tinging my usual shyness, an attribute I remembered Angela sharing with me in elementary school.

Angela's face broke into a lovely smile—a smile I remembered well. "Welcome back, Bella! I'm so glad to see you!" She reached her hand forward and squeezed mine gently. I flinched just a little, grateful that Angela didn't seem to notice. I was also thankful that she didn't try to hug me as I didn't feel comfortable with most physical touch after so many months locked in solitary confinement. Motherly Mrs. Jane was the obvious exception.

She glanced over her shoulder to the front of the room, her blush and her smile disappearing completely. "Come sit beside me," she said hurriedly, her face now pale.

Before I had a chance to ask her why, I saw a beautifully elfin girl, tiny with spiked dark hair and dark eyes, practically dancing up the aisle toward me. Behind her loomed an even more beautiful boy, tall and lanky, with perfectly-mussed brown hair highlighted golden-red. He moved with the easy grace of perfectly-restrained power.

"Come on!" Angela practically hissed at me, grasping my arm and pulling me from my chair. Quickly scooping up my things, I slid into the seat beside Angela just as the beautiful girl and boy passed us, the girl seating herself where I had been sitting, the boy sliding into the chair directly behind me.

They hadn't spoken to or acknowledged Angela as they passed.

I bristled a little at their seeming rudeness. Was Angela the only decent person in the entire school? So far, that's what it seemed like.

I had less hope now of liking Forks High. But at least I had rediscovered Angela.

As I plopped my notebook atop my desk and settled my backpack at my feet, the teacher entered the room, striding purposefully to his desk. Reluctantly, the students settled noisily into their seats. Apparently seeing my paperwork on his desk, the teacher called, "Isabella Swan?" as his eyes roamed the classroom, seeking an unfamiliar face. Spying me, he beckoned kindly.

Grabbing the add-slip that had to be signed by each of my teachers today, I made my way carefully up the aisle. The teacher introduced himself as Mr. Mason, and he signed my slip with a flourish before handing me a syllabus.

"We just completed final exams before the winter break, so you're starting the second semester fresh," he said encouragingly. I felt my face reddening at his attention. "I'll be distributing our next work to the entire class in a few moments. Are you all set, Isabella?" He smiled at me, his eyes radiating kindness and intelligence.

I could tell I was going to like Mr. Mason.

I wasn't brave enough to insist upon being called "Bella" yet, so I nodded and turned to walk back down the long aisle to my seat. I tried not to look at all the curious eyes following my every move, but as I wasn't watching my feet, I tripped over a backpack jutting out into the aisle. I stumbled, having to grab onto the front of a desk to keep myself from falling flat.

_Perfect_, I groaned to myself. _My__first__class__has__barely__begun,__and__I__have__almost__fallen__on__my__face__in__the__middle__of__the__classroom.__I'm__such__an__idiot._

Red-faced, I tried to ignore the suppressed laughter that Mr. Mason quelled immediately as he called the class to order and began taking roll.

The boy whose desk I had grabbed to keep from falling looked at me. Well, he couldn't quite help it as we were practically face-to-face. "Do you need some help?" he asked, surprised but not unkind. His blonde hair was carefully gelled into spikes, and his face was round, young-looking. Even more embarrassed, I shook my head in the negative, righted myself, and scurried back toward my seat. Angela was looking down at her notebook, trying to ignore my klutziness to spare me additional embarrassment—a kindness I would not soon forget.

As I turned to seat myself, I caught the eye of the boy sitting behind me. His eyes were the blackest black I had ever seen—blacker even than Jacob's. As these black eyes burned into mine, I felt the bright red blush on my cheeks rapidly disappear. The boys' eyes seemed dangerous, malevolent—as if he could and would injure me...and enjoy doing it.

_As__if__his__soul__were__as__black__as__his__eyes._

I stood frozen by his gaze—somehow hypnotized into utter stillness, like prey before a deadly cobra. Dizziness swept over me as our gazes remained locked, and one corner of his beautiful mouth twitched upward, as if he were sardonically amused.

I was recalled into mobility by Mr. Mason calling my name, asking me to be seated. I twisted away from his gaze and plopped into my chair, shaking my head slowly from side to side as I tried to regain some sense of equilibrium, some sense of normalcy.

As Mr. Mason began to discuss our next book to read, Shakespeare's _Macbeth,_a favorite of mine because I had always wanted to wield power as Lady Macbeth did, I felt _his_ eyes boring into my back. The boy behind me was staring at me; I could feel the searing power of his gaze. I didn't dare turn around.

I scrunched down in my seat, futilely hoping that if I made myself smaller, he would stop staring.

It didn't work.

Glancing sideways at Angela, I saw her uneasiness as she fidgeted in her seat, casting occasional frantic glances over her shoulder at the boy behind me. Our nervous eyes met a few times, Angela merely shrugging to show that she didn't understand what was going on any better than I did.

As his staring continued, I felt myself beginning to panic. My face was suffused with the deepest blush I could ever recall. My hands began to shake, and I felt perspiration dripping down my forehead and the back of my neck. My heart pounded in my chest, and I was feeling increasingly light-headed.

As my pulse jumped again, I heard a muffled curse behind me, and a rapid swirl of air as the boy rose to his feet and rapidly exited the room via the second door at the back of the room.

"Mr. Cullen? Edward? Where are you going?" called Mr. Mason after him.

But Edward Cullen left the room without acknowledging the teacher in the least, slamming the door behind him.

**I hope you enjoyed Chapter 9 and that it was worth the wait. I ignored all other work this morning and sat here to draft this chapter before anything else today, despite deadlines, a very sore and congested nose and nasty cough, and three boys to homeschool. **

**Please do REVIEW! I live for reviews and reply to each one! **

**Thanks for reading! Love to you all!**

**-Cassandra****:)**


	11. Chapter 10

**Thanks for being patient while I completed _Evening__Star_. I can't believe it's done—all 140,000 words! It's my first fan fiction and only the second work of fiction I've written since a college creative writing course 25 years ago. **

**Anyway, here's a rather short chapter of _Pinned__but__Fluttering_, but only because the chapter following it is rather momentous...**

**ENJOY! **

**Chapter 10**

I sat in my seat in English class, stunned by the bizarre actions of the strange boy who had sat behind me. I mean, his leaving seemed somehow linked to me.

But how? I didn't know him, and I seriously doubted that he knew me.

Angela looked a little shocked by the boy's attitude and actions as well. I looked at her, eyebrows raised questioningly, but she shook her head and mouthed, "Later."

I nodded, understanding.

Trying to be subtle, I glanced over my shoulder at the girl seated behind Angela. Head lowered so that I couldn't see her face well, she was studiously taking notes as the teacher lectured on the historical background of Shakespeare's _Macbeth._ I decided to follow her example, jotting down notes as Mr. Mason spoke, paying special attention to the dates and places the teacher wrote on the board.

The class passed quickly, and the bell rang, signaling the end of the period. I quickly finished writing down the homework assignment from the board and joined Angela as we left the classroom together.

"Which class do you have next?" Angela asked.

I consulted my schedule. "Ummm, calculus."

Angela pointed me toward the right building, and we parted with her smiling promise to sit together at lunch. I felt much less anxious about today, knowing that I at least had Angela to sit with at lunch. I had been afraid that I would have been sitting alone in a corner somewhere, watching everyone else socialize.

My anxiety over the first day of school definitely calmed a bit now that I had found a familiar face. Having Angela back as a friend was truly wonderful; it was as if we had picked up our friendship right where we had left off so many years ago.

I managed to survive calculus, despite the fact that I hated math, before making my way to Spanish. As I was one of the first students to enter the classroom, I slid into a seat near the back of the room again. Just a moment later the blonde boy whose desk I had practically landed on in English seated himself backward at the desk in front of me, facing me.

"So," he said, grinning, "you're Isabella Swan, right?"

Tentatively I nodded. I wasn't going to be correcting everyone today regarding my name. I had preferred "Bella" since I was ten, but I wasn't going to make a big deal about it on my first day. I didn't mind telling Angela because we had known each other before, but that was the extent of my bravery.

"I'm Mike Newton," he introduced himself almost cockily, as if I should know who he was.

"Hi Mike," I replied shyly.

Mike reached out his hand as if to shake mine. But I froze, feeling panic rising in my chest. I didn't do well touching anyone...especially strangers. It had just been such a long time since I had been touched, plus I wasn't used to being around people. I just stared at his outstretched hand as if it were a deadly snake or something.

Mike's smile faded, and he looked at me funny. "You okay?" he asked worriedly, withdrawing his hand with a frown.

"Um, yeah," I whispered shakily, avoiding his eyes. He probably thought I was a freak. Great.

The teacher entered the room, so Mike said goodbye and, throwing an odd look over his shoulder at me, went back to his desk, seating himself next to a girl with dark, curly hair. Turning in her chair, she stared at me rather rudely, her eyes seeming both curious and annoyed before she tossed her head and returned her gaze to the front of the room. Somehow she seemed familiar to me, though.

The teacher, Senora Goff, introduced me to the class (thankfully without forcing me to walk to the front of the classroom), and the curly-haired girl narrowed her eyes as she stared again. Then she smiled at me, a strange, almost calculating expression on her face. Weird.

As I thumbed through the rather battered textbook I was given, I felt rather anxious. Spanish rather scared me as I knew very little of the language yet because I was starting school in the middle of the year, I was forced to begin with second semester work. Most of what Senora Goff said in class flew right over my head, but I took notes carefully anyway.

After class, I talked to the teacher for a few moments, telling her that I knew very little Spanish, and she offered to find me a tutor. I thanked her, glad for the help but wondering how tutoring would work with me living in La Push.

I was proud of myself for approaching the teacher in the first place, but if I was going to keep coming to school, I was going to have to learn to be more assertive. So far, so good.

As long as no one touched me. Especially boys. That Mike kid had really freaked me out when he wanted to shake my hand. Who does that anymore, anyway? Not kids my age, I didn't think. After my reaction, he probably wouldn't approach me again anyway. _Great._

_Not__a__good__way__to__start__school,_ I sighed to myself.

My class before lunch was American history, and I was glad to see Angela already seated in the classroom as I came in almost late after talking to the Spanish teacher. I slid into the seat beside her, glad to see a familiar face.

Angela smiled sweetly at me as we got out our notebooks and pens. Before class began, the history teacher came down the aisle, handing me a textbook and welcoming me to the school. He didn't bother introducing me to the whole class, so I knew we were going to get along great. And I really liked history anyway. This class and English may end up being my favorites.

Speaking of English class, I was surprised to see the girl with the spiky dark hair from my first period class take the seat directly in front of me. Now that I could see her better, I noticed that she was very well-dressed, probably all designer clothing. She was tiny but wore four-inch heels that looked more like a lethal weapon than footwear. Didn't those pointy toes and high, spiky heels hurt her feet?

I looked down at my own canvas shoes, sighing in comfortable contentment.

When I looked up, I was startled to see the spiky-haired girl turned backward in her seat, facing me. Her face was absolutely stunning; she possessed an almost otherworldly beauty that made her look like she should have been a character in _The__Lord__of__the__Rings_books or something. Her skin was very, very white—even paler than mine (and that was saying something). She had big, dark eyes and perfectly-sculpted brows and lips. Her nose was tiny and turned up slightly at the tip, making her look even more elfin.

She didn't seem surprised by my staring...and I was _definitely_ staring at her, rather rudely in fact. A smile touched her perfect rose-pink lips, and, as her face lit up with her smile, her beauty became even more stunning.

"Hi," she said, and even that one word sounded like music rather than mere speech. "You're new here, aren't you?" She was sitting so close to me that her cool breath fanned across my face. For some reason, I wanted to lean closer to her to smell her fragrant breath.

_Weird!_

In response to her question,I nodded, stunned by her beauty to complete speechlessness.

Laughing softly, she continued. "Well then, welcome to Forks High. I'm Alice. Alice Cullen." Her laughter reminded me of bells—it was so musical.

I'm sure that my jaw was completely agape at this point, my brain barely functional. Glancing quickly at Angela, I saw that her mouth was hanging open in shock as well. Okay, this was really getting bizarre.

"I-I-I'm Bella," I stuttered, then turned bright red with embarrassment.

Then the oddest thing happened. Her smile fading, Alice's already dark eyes seemed to grow even darker. She swallowed hard and—strangest of all—I would swear that she actually _stopped__breathing_. Seriously. She was totally holding her breath.

Without a word, she turned her back on me, facing straight ahead.

My eyes flew to Angela's again as the teacher brought the class to order, and she looked just as shocked and amazed as I felt. She shrugged at me, as if saying, "I have no idea what just happened, either."

As the teacher started his lecture on Fort Sumter and the beginnings of the Civil War, I tried to take notes but found my eyes and my mind wandering to the girl seated in front of me. Alice sat rigidly still in her seat, not seeming to take notes although her spiral-bound journal-type notebook was open on the desk in front of her, and she was holding a pen in her hand.

I could swear that she still wasn't breathing.

_How__in__the__world__does__she__do__that?_

Naah, I had to be mistaken. There's no way she could hold her breath for that long.

But her thin shoulders and narrow back definitely were _not_ moving.

_At__all..._

Alice was definitely freaking me out, in more ways than one.

Alice Cullen. What an old-fashioned name. And, wait a minute...

That bizarre and beautiful boy who had sat behind me in English...Mr. Mason had yelled his name as he left. "Mr. Cullen! Edward!"

_Edward__Cullen._

He and Alice must be related somehow.

Angela had mouthed "Later" to me in English, and I knew what I would be asked her during lunch.

I needed to know what was the story behind these two strangely beautiful fellow students.

Because I could tell that something very bizarre was definitely going on here...

**I've been so involved with completing _Evening__Star_ that I haven't had much time to invest in this story. But now that _Evening__Star_ is completed, I can focus on _Pinned__but__Fluttering._I may try to update twice a week, but I don't know if it will happen all the time. I still have 20,000 words to write in the last 8 days of NaNoWriMo, so that's 2500 words/day. So I should have a nice little stockpile of rough drafts which will allow me to update twice a week for a while. **

**Please do review! I always love to hear what you have to say, even if it's not positive. Every review helps! :) **

**If you haven't yet read _Evening__Star_, may I suggest that you go read it, now that it's finished? Thanks! **

**To all my American readers, have a wonderful Thanksgiving! My husband is baking apple pies and my kitchen smells amazing right now! **

**Love to you all-**

**Cassandra****:)**


	12. Chapter 11

**Here's the next chapter! ENJOY! :)**

**Chapter 11**

When the bell rang at the end of American history, Alice was on her feet and out the door before the ringing stopped. I noticed that she moved with the same quick grace as her brother.

Slowly and thoughtfully, I gathered my things together, looking up as I realized that Angela was patiently waiting beside me.

"Um, what was that all about?" I asked her, bemused.

Angela shrugged, and as we left the room together, she spoke in a low voice, "Alice is the most friendly of the Cullens."

I whispered back, "How many Cullens are there?" I mean, I've run into two of them so far, and both of them are more than a little strange, right?

Surreptitiously Angela peered over her shoulder. "Um, let's talk in the cafeteria," she said. Raising my eyebrows in curiosity, I just shrugged. _Okay..._

Things were definitely weird around here.

Angela led me into the school cafeteria, a huge room. As I entered the wide open double-doors, the sheer volume of noise forced me back a few steps. A few boys were running around, playing keep-away with some girl's jacket while she chased after them, screaming at the culprits in a flirtatious way, putting on quite an act of being annoyed but obviously enjoying the attention.

Across the room, at least fifty students were in line to purchase food and drinks, the rest sitting down to eat or milling around in groups, chattering and laughing. Several hundred teenagers were crammed in this one room which seemed to grow smaller and smaller, louder and louder, as I stood just inside the doors, stunned by the cacophony and mayhem of this brand-new experience of a high school cafeteria.

Angela looked at me questioningly. "You okay?" she asked kindly.

I paused, trying to swallow down my panic, the noise pounding my brain, the constant movement of teenagers making my head swim. _It's__okay...it's__okay...it's__okay...it's__okay_, I kept telling myself, gulping in huge, deep, slow breaths in an attempt to calm down.

But it wasn't working very well. My breaths quickened without my permission, and the walls continued closing in on me. The waves of noise echoed in my ears, making my head ache with sudden persistence.

Suddenly one face stood out to me amongst all the yelling, noise, and confusion in the cafeteria: a face of otherworldly beauty with intense, dark eyes gazing fiercely into mine from beneath a shock of reddish-gold hair. As I focused on the one visage on the far side of the room, I watched Edward Cullen lean over and whisper something into someone's ear...Alice's ear. He straightened, his gaze never breaking from mine as I felt the color rapidly drain from my face.

My knees began to shake and the whole room seemed to tilt sideways. My sight blurred alarmingly, and I blinked a few times trying to make out Edward's face clearly again. The room continued to shrink in on me, kind of like the garbage chute scene in _Star__Wars._

"Bella? Bella?" Angela grabbed my elbow as a wave of dizziness hit me, almost bringing me to my knees. Closing my eyes and breaking Edward's gaze, I felt cold perspiration running down the back of my neck as my hands began to tremble.

"Just a second," I managed to mutter, stumbling back from the doorway of the cafeteria toward a nearby picnic bench on the lawn. Angela placed a firm arm around my waist, and I didn't have the strength to object as I leaned heavily against her as she led me to the fortunately empty bench.

"Gosh, Bella, you're totally white," Angela whispered as she helped me to sit down. Turning my body, I placed my shaking legs under the picnic table and laid my dizzy, aching head on my folded arms. As I tried to control my sudden freak-out, the dizziness began to clear a little, and the fresh air helped to slow and deepen my breathing. I closed my eyes for a moment, thankful that no one had seemed to notice my panic attack.

"Are you okay?" Angela asked as she sat beside me. "What's wrong? Can I get someone? Should I take you to the nurse?"

Unable to respond to her yet, I concentrated on breathing. _In,__out.__In,__out.__In,__out..._slow, deep breaths as I tried to block the black eyes of Edward Cullen from my mind.

"Bella?" Angela persisted.

"I'm okay," I finally whispered. "Just give me a minute."

We sat there together silently for about ten minutes while my breathing slowly normalized, and I felt the color and warmth slowly return to my cold cheeks.

"Hey, are you guys okay?" a musical voice asked. Forcing myself to sit up, I saw Alice Cullen standing beside me. I had never heard her approach.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said, my voice finally returning to full strength.

"Well, you look better now, Bella," Angela stated, peering into my face anxiously. "Do you want to go into the cafeteria to eat lunch? Or should I bring you something to eat out here?"

I thought for a moment, then decided quickly. "If I give you some money, could you bring me a sandwich or something?"

"Sure," Angela agreed, smiling gently. "Is there anything special you want?"

"Um, a turkey sandwich if they have it—or ham. Whatever. And a soda," I said, digging into my backpack to grab the money Mrs. Jane had given me for lunch.

"No problem," said Angela, smiling as she rose to her feet and moved toward the cafeteria.

But I hadn't expected Alice Cullen to slide into Angela's place at the table. I noticed, however, that she left a good amount of space between us, more personal space than most people seemed to allow. Her posture was lovely; she didn't slump as most teenaged girls did but held herself gracefully upright, her back straight but not rigid. Somehow she reminded me of a dancer.

I was glad that I was able to remain sitting up at this point as I was feeling much better. The dizziness was gone, fortunately, and the headache was barely noticeable.

"What's wrong, Bella?" Alice asked. I looked up at her, noting her kind expression. But I didn't know her, and I felt more than a little uneasy around her. Something about Alice was strange, but I couldn't quite pinpoint what it was.

"I'm fine now," I said, skirting the issue. "Thanks."

"So how are you liking Forks High?" Alice asked, smiling.

"Pretty well," I replied noncommittally.

"Are you new in town?" she questioned, her dark eyes curious.

"No. I lived in Forks until I was ten, then I moved to La Push," I told her.

"La Push? The Indian Reservation?" Alice sat up even straighter, her eyes round with surprise.

"Yep," I replied shortly.

"Wow," Alice whispered, as if to herself. "Why do you live there?"

I didn't want to get into the whole extended soap opera with anyone on my first day. "Long story," I shrugged.

Thankfully, Angela appeared at that point with our sandwiches. After handing me a turkey sub, she turned to Alice. "Do you want anything to eat, Alice? I doubt I can finish this whole thing," Angela invited politely, indicating her huge ham sub sandwich.

"Oh, no thank you," Alice said, smiling. But her eyes were fixed on the food as we ate, a weird expression on her face...almost as if she found it disgusting. But she sat with us, chatting mostly with Angela about the latest Florence and the Machine CD and a couple of recent movies still playing at the mini-plex in Port Angeles. I was happy to listen to their conversation which was definitely led by Alice, with Angela answering her many questions somewhat tentatively.

The lunch bell rang, so all three of us got to our feet; I was just glad that I didn't wobble after all that had just happened. I was feeling pretty much back to normal now, a fact I was extremely thankful for.

"I have French now," Alice said, "so I'll see you both later."

"Okay. Bye, Alice," said Angela waving, and I joined in as well, "Bye, Alice."

Alice waved to us both, then walked away with such graceful movements that she reminded me again of a dancer.

I looked at my schedule again. "Okay, I have chemistry next." Angela frowned. "Too bad...I have calculus."

I grinned at her. "Sucks to be you," I teased, more than a little surprised by my lightness. Despite the panic attack, I had smiled more today than I had for the last...year, maybe?

Angela smiled back. "Hey, I'll show you where the chem lab is. It's right on my way to calc."

"Thanks," I said, pulling my backpack onto my shoulder.

As we began to walk together, I asked, "So, what is Alice like?"

Angela looked at me, apparently confused. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, how long have you been friends?" I questioned.

Angela frowned at me. "I thought Alice was your friend," she said slowly.

I laughed lightly. "I didn't meet Alice until today," I replied.

"Alice Cullen never spoke to me until today either," confessed Angela, her brows pulling together in concentration. "That's really weird."

"Yeah, weird," I agreed. Both of the Cullens were rather strange, but I couldn't figure out exactly why.

Angela stopped in front of an open classroom door. "So, here's the chemistry lab. Have fun!" she said, waving as she continued walking toward the math building.

"Thanks," I replied acidly. Science wasn't my strongest subject, but at least it wasn't as bad as calculus and Spanish...thank God! "Bye, Angela!" I waved back.

The room was fairly quiet, so I entered without a panic attack this time, pausing inside the front door. The room was about half-filled, the students talking quietly in small groups. Luckily for me, the teacher was setting up a demonstration at the front of the room.

I approached him quietly, and he smiled, putting down the beaker he was holding and switching off the Bunsen burner. After introducing myself quietly, he signed my slip and handed me a textbook.

Then he consulted the seating chart. "Let's see...how about sitting next to Mike Newton?" he asked. I shrugged my shoulders in reluctant acquiescence. "Okay, you'll be sitting at the third table on the right, the seat closest to the window."

I nodded, thanked him, and seated myself on the stool indicated at the black laminate lab table. Each lab table seated two students and was much higher than a normal table, thus necessitating the stools which were rather beaten-up, as if they'd been in use for decades. But the tables seemed newer, quite pristine even.

Not having anything else to do, I opened the new chem book and thumbed through it. Great, here I was in the second semester of another ongoing class, and I was definitely going to be lost again.

Damn Billy and his "home schooling." Obviously he had taught me squat.

There was no way I was prepared for half of my classes in this grade. I stared unseeing at the chemistry text, wondering if I might be better off going back a grade. Ugh. Not a pleasant thought.

I was definitely going to need a tutor if I was going to make it through this semester alive...or at least with passing grades.

As I worried incessantly, as usual, Mike Newton seated himself on the stool beside me, looking me over from head to foot; I shivered.

"Well, well," he sneered. "If it isn't the new girl."

I didn't like the sarcasm in his voice. He must still be angry about the hand-shaking incident earlier.

"Hi Mike," I said quietly.

He glared at me.

Great. Another guy glaring at me today.

What was it with this school, anyway?

"Mike, could I have your help for a moment?" asked the teacher whose name had already escaped my mind.

Muttering under his breath, Mike walked to the front of the classroom to assist the teacher in setting up a demonstration.

Not realizing that I had been holding my breath in response to Mike's changed attitude from this morning, I expelled the breath in a rush, rubbing my tired eyes with the backs of my hands. Talk about a day of yo-yo emotions...

But as I let out my breath, I noticed a strange movement from the corner of my eye.

Edward Cullen had just seated himself on the stool directly behind Mike's, pulling his chem book out of a brown leather messenger bag. But as I exhaled, his head had jerked upward so very quickly, his black eyes glued to mine in a blank stare that almost instantly morphed into malevolence again.

Why did he seem to hate me so much? What in the world did I do?

Again feeling the color draining from my face, I twisted on my stool, turning my back to him. His quick movement seemed..._too_ quick. Unnervingly quick. And his stare...I could practically feel the iciness of his glare sending shivers down my spine.

It had all happened in a split-second, but I felt panic beginning to rise in my chest once again. Leaning forward, I placed my head on my folded arms again, effectively shielding myself from anyone's notice, I hoped, as my heart raced and my breathing quickened.

Great. This was what? My _third_ panic attack today? Only the one at lunch had been bad, but still...

And wasn't Edward Cullen at least partially responsible for each panic attack? Okay, the cafeteria wasn't completely his fault, but his stare had definitely launched a minor attack into a major one, the worst one I've had in years.

Maybe I wasn't cut out for attending high school after all.

Of course, the alternative of remaining locked up in my room at Billy's wasn't a great choice, either.

I'd have to talk things over with Mrs. Jane after school today.

As I concentrated on slowing my breathing, I could have sworn that I heard a faint groan behind me. Somehow I was positive that it came from none other than Edward Cullen.

**So let me know what you think, okay? I'd LOVE to hear from you! Please do review! **

**Love to you all,**

**-Cassandra :)**


	13. Chapter 12

**Hey, I made it! I managed to complete NaNoWriMo last night with fourteen minutes to spare! My total page count was 113 pages, including 35,000+ edited pages out of the 51,034 word total. **

**The good news? I have rough drafts completed for Chapters 12-16, and the beginning of Chapter 17. So I'll be definitely uploading twice a week...until I run out of chapters, LOL! No, I'm hoping to stay a chapter or two ahead so that if I have a bad week, you won't have to wait around for me to get my act together. So my posting days for now will be Wednesdays and Saturdays, probably really late on both days...late as in, check your e-mail boxes Thursday and Sunday mornings kind of late. Yep. Whoooo, whooooo. I'm a night owl. ;) **

**Enjoy—we get to see a couple more Cullens in this chapter which is always a good thing, I think. ;) **

**Chapter 12**

Somehow I muddled through chemistry with a sulking Mike beside me and the cold (but somehow hot) stare of Edward Cullen drilling into my back.

Never had an hour seemed to last so long before. My eyes twitched to the large clock at the front of the room above the whiteboard very often, but each time only a minute or two had passed.

My headache, which had dulled after the lunchtime panic attack was over, was now making itself felt again, pounded into my forehead and along the base of my neck. _Ugh_.

Finally the bell rang. As I turned to gather my things, I saw Edward's bronze hair disappear out the door while the other students were still gathering their belongings and chatting.

_Gosh,__these__Cullens__are__strange...always__disappearing__immediately__before__the__bell__rings..._

After getting everything stuffed into my backpack which was bulging with all my textbooks given to me over the course of the school day, I prepared to go to my last class. As I looked up, blowing a strand of hair out of my perspiry face, I was surprised to see Mike Newton watching me.

He seemed a little embarrassed, flushing slightly when I noticed him. He sighed dramatically, then, looking down at his own backpack, he began to talk.

"Um, I'm sorry for blowing you off here," he mumbled. "That whole handshake thing was kind of embarrassing. Jessica and Lauren teased me about it all during lunch. So, um, I'm sorry for getting pissed at you, and I hope we're cool." He looked down at his shoes, scuffing his feet against the base of our lab table.

I smiled slightly, a little amused by his bumbling apology.

"That's okay," I smiled shyly. "I probably would have been pissed at me, too, if I had to endure all that ribbing."

A huge smile spread across his face, and his tone expressed sheer disbelief. "Really? We're cool?"

I nodded. "Yeah, we're cool." I paused, then continued, "I'm sorry about the handshake thing too. It's hard to explain, but just know it's me, not you, okay?" I smiled a little weakly.

He nodded back, still grinning. "Okay."

I pulled out my schedule to see which class I had for last period. "Ugh, P.E.," I groaned.

"Hey, I have P.E. too," crowed Mike. "I'll walk you to the gym, okay?"

I shrugged. "Sure." I wasn't going to ruin our tenuous truce; after all, we were lab partners for the semester, and I was going to be worse than useless in chem. I was definitely going to need his help. Frequently.

We walked side by side toward the huge gym building which dominated the campus, but I carefully kept more space than usual between us. All the same, I was really grateful to make another friend besides just Angela. And Alice? Was she a friend? Hmmm...

"So, when did you move here?" Mike asked, interrupting my musings.

"Um, I don't live in Forks anymore; I used to, though. Until I was ten. Then my parents died, and I went to live with some family friends in La Push."

"Oh, okay," Mike said, as if something was making sense to him. "Jessica kept saying that you looked familiar, but she couldn't figure out who you were."

I thought for a moment, combing through vague childhood memories. "Is Jessica the girl with the dark curly hair?" I asked.

"Yeah. Do you know her?"

"Not anymore. But I'm pretty sure that I remember her from elementary school. I remember her and Angela. And a boy named Eric, I think."

"Yeah, Eric Yorkie, right?" he asked.

"I think so. Does he still live here?"

"Yep. I'll introduce you to him tomorrow in English, if you like. That's the only class I have with him this year," Mike added.

We had reached the gym by now, and he pointed to the entrance to the girls' dressing room.

"Coach Clapp's office is right there," he indicated, pointing at a door between the boys' and girls' locker rooms. "If he likes you, you may not have to dress out today," Mike winked at me.

"Yeah, P.E. is not my strong suit. I'm too klutzy," I said with a small giggle.

"I noticed," he grinned.

Wow, I was practically flirting...for me, anyway. _Scary..._

Maybe this school thing wasn't such a bad idea after all. If only I could keep those damn panic attacks under control.

After the coach signed my slip, he handed me the required black P.E. shorts and yellow t-shirt with "Forks High" in big black letters across the back, but he kindly didn't make me dress out. He handed me a silver combination lock with a 3x5 note card indicating which locker was mine and the combination of the lock.

I located the locker and shoved my backpack inside; the locker was so tightly packed with my stuff that I had to really shove the door to barely close it and slide the lock through the metal loop. As I followed the yellow-and-black clad girls out to the basketball courts in the gym and took my seat in the bleachers that Coach Clap indicated, I wondered if the various lockers in the school hallways were available for my use. I had seen several students pulling textbooks from the lockers and putting others away. Having a locker would certainly be easier than lugging all these heavy texts around all day. My shoulder was killing me. I wondered whom I should ask about those lockers? Maybe Mrs. Cope in the front office?

As I sat on the uncomfortable wooden bleachers watching the various basketball games...fortunately girls played with girls and boys with boys, none of that rotten co-ed PE, thank God...I couldn't help but to think about the Cullens.

Angela hadn't had a chance to tell me more about them during lunch as promised because of my insidious panic attack and then Alice Cullen joining us. So far I had only met two of the Cullens: Edward and Alice. I wondered if there were additional Cullens and if they were older (seniors), or younger (freshmen or sophomores). I kind of hoped that they were younger; they'd at least be a little less intimidating if they were younger than me.

I also wondered if they all had those strange, black-as-night eyes. There was something about those eyes that made me uneasy, and I wasn't sure why. Plus, both Edward and Alice were stunningly beautiful, with their pale faces, dark eyes, and stunning cheekbones. Both of them could easily make a living as super models on the runways of Paris or Rome. So what were such incredibly gorgeous people doing here in the middle of nowhere?

And why did I feel a rather frightening malevolence from Edward, more so than from Alice?

There was something weird, almost otherworldly, about Edward Cullen...and Alice Cullen, too.

My ponderings were interrupted by someone stepping directly in front of me, and I sat up straight from my slumping posture as a short girl with dark, curly hair stepped in front of me. Was this Jessica? She looked familiar.

She seemed to have gone all-tough girl. Her arms were folded across her rather ample chest, and she frowned, looking quite put-out.

"So it's Isabella, right?" the girl said, her voice unpleasantly nasal.

"Jessica?" I asked, puzzled by her obvious hostility.

"Oh, well, someone seems to have a memory," Jessica scowled. Then I saw movement behind her, and the blonde girl with the fishy-like pale eyes...the one who called me a "bitch" in English...strolled forward to stand at Jessica's elbow.

"So this is Isabella Swan, huh?" she asked, looking down her nose at me. She turned to Jessica. "I thought Mike said she was pretty?"

_Ouch...nice._

"Well, Lauren, you know Mike," sniffed Jessica. "If there's someone new at school, he feels the need to be the welcoming committee."

I didn't understand why they were talking this way...seemingly to each other but both staring at me. Okay, I've been out of the school loop for a few years, but they were beginning to freak me out more than a little.

The blonde girl, Lauren, I guess, turned to me. "Just know, newbie, that Mike belongs to Jessica and you're not getting your filthy little paws on him, okay?"

I put both hands up as if surrendering. "Hey, you can have him!" I objected. I sooo wasn't going to get myself beat up by a couple of 5'2" mean girls over Mike Newton.

The coach blew his whistle at that moment, ordering all students to their lockers to shower and change. Jessica and Lauren ran off immediately, the latter rolling her pale eyes at me.

Needing to fetch my backpack out of my locker, I slowly followed the bumble-bee dressed girls in their yellow and black gym clothing. I nudged my way to the locker, grabbing my bookbag and leaving, glad to escape the remainder of the girls who had to shower quickly and change into their normal clothing.

Before classes let out, I hurried to the administration building to take care of business. Mrs. Cope greeted me by name, taking my ad-slip signed by all my new teachers. When I asked her about it, she let me fill out the paperwork for the lunch program and told me to pick up my voucher card in the morning. As I was ready to leave, I turned back to Mrs. Cope and asked, "What about lockers? Is it possible to leave my books in one of those hall lockers so that I don't have to carry them all day?"

Mrs. Cope looked surprised. "I gave you the locker information this morning."

I shook my head. "No, I'm afraid not," I said quietly.

Moving back to her messy desk, Mrs. Cope mumbled to herself as she shuffled through the baskets of papers and crooked stacks of files, finally locating a yellow 3x5 card. "I'm sorry, dear," she apologized. "It must have slipped out of your file this morning. You have locker 154, and here's the combination." She handed me the card with a smile.

Taking the card, I asked, "How do I find my locker?"

Mrs. Cope thought for a moment, then answered, "I think the 150's are along the side of the English building.

Nodding, I thanked her and set out to locate my locker. The halls were crowded as classes were just letting out for the day. I tried to ignore the noise and the light shoving going on in the hallways as I worked my way toward the English building. But it wasn't easy to move through the bustling crowds of hyperactive teenagers thrilled to be let loose, and I felt my heart begin to pound as I tried to keep my breathing steady.

As I rounded a corner too quickly, I ran smack into a tall, thick person, my head practically bouncing off a very wide, very hard chest. I fell back a few steps, blushing furiously in embarrassment. Two huge hands that looked more like bear paws automatically clutched my shoulders to help me keep my balance. But the giant's hands were unbelievably cold, and I couldn't help shivering a little as I looked up into a very handsome, laughing face.

"Hey, little one! Watch where you're walking, okay?" he said teasingly, his black eyes sparkling kindly.

"I'm so sorry," I gasped. "It's so crowded, and..." I let my voice trail off as I took notice of the gorgeous blonde at the giant's elbow. She looked as if she had just stepped off the cover of a fashion magazine. Her long, blonde hair swept nearly to her waist, and her figure was absolutely perfect. Her face was stunning—but the dark eyes were cold and unsmiling as she dismissed my bumbling apology with a supercilious wave of her white hand.

I felt even worse then, my heart taking off like a propeller and my breath coming in quick gasps; I felt my face drain of color and I swayed for a moment.

"You okay?" the big guy asked. Seriously, he looked like he was at least in college...and made up the entire offensive line of a PAC-10 football team since he was so huge and just..._built_. I craned my neck to look up to answer him, but all humor had left his face—same with the blonde girl, who was probably the head cheerleader or something.

Both of them were staring at me with the identical strange look on their faces..a look I had noticed several times over the course of the day.

_A__look__given__to__me__by__Edward__and__Alice__Cullen._

Realizing that I was staring rudely, I mumbled a quick apology and dodged around the strange couple. I checked over my shoulder before rounding another corner, and the huge dark-haired guy and the blonde were still staring at me.

Fortunately, I saw a girls' restroom immediately on my right, and I burst through the doors, almost running over a tiny redheaded girl who must have been a freshman. Only one girl stood at the sinks; two pairs of feet showed beneath the middle and right stall. I was just grateful that one of the three stalls was free, so I barreled into it, latching the door securely behind me.

Not caring about how unhygenic a girls' restroom could be, I sank onto the closed toilet lid, my legs shaking uncontrollably under me. Light-headed, I bent forward, effectively putting my head between my knees as I tried to keep myself from passing out cold. Black spots wandered across my vision as I noted that the restroom floor was positively disgusting; I certainly did not want to end up lying flat upon it. Just having my shoes touching it was horrid enough. Ewww.

I mostly ignored the coming and going of various girls through the restroom and their murmured conversations, jumping a little at their occasional squeals of laughter.

Slowly, my breathing and heart rate stabilized, and I rose a little unsteadily to my feet and opened the stall. Seeing that the restroom was completely empty, I moved to the row of sinks under a large mirror with a crack across the top right corner. Turning on the faucet (cold was the only option—_lovely_), I leaned over and splashed icy water onto my face. My head cleared considerably, so I cupped my hands again and splashed the water on my cheeks, my sweaty forehead, even my neck.

Turning off the water, I gripped the sides of the sink and raised my head, peering at my reflection in the battered mirror. My face was indeed whiter than its usual paleness, my eyes appearing huge in my colorless face. I continued taking deep breaths until I had gotten a grip on myself. Ripping a paper towel from the dispenser, I dried my face and readied myself to venture outside.

Tossing my backpack over my shoulder, I pulled the bathroom doors open and slipped out, the brightness of the gray day hurting my eyes after my long break in the dark and dank restroom. The hallways were nearly empty; I guess I had been freaking out in that bathroom longer than I had realized. Taking a few steps forward, I looked curiously at the golden yellow-painted metal lockers in a long row down the hallway. I was thrilled to see that I standing beside the lockers in the 130s...and heading toward larger numbers. It took me less than a minute to locate my locker, but my shaking hands still required a few tries to get my combination right and opened it.

Leaning over, I opened my backpack and removed two books that I didn't need for homework assignments that night and placed my lunch voucher card on the shelf. It would be safer here at school rather than where the Blacks could see it...and possibly take it from me.

As I closed my locker, I heard my name being called. Zipping my backpack and hefting it to my shoulder, I turned to see Mrs. Jane crossing the lawn toward me. I waved at her, then started walking to meet her.

Part of me was ecstatic to have completed my first day of school. But part of me knew exactly what I was going home to.

_Shit._

But I also knew that once I was in bed tonight, I would be thinking about dark eyes set in white faces and the inhumanly quick and graceful movements of the Cullens...

**Here we are! The next chapter will be up late Saturday. Please do review! I'd love to hear from you, especially if you haven't reviewed yet. **

**-Cassandra****:)**


	14. Chapter 13

**Here's Chapter 13; I hope you'll enjoy it! Time for some back story and such...**

**Chapter 13**

After following her into the parking lot and piling into Mrs. Jane's van, I found myself strangely silent. I should be flying high after my first day of school, but I was also strangely nervous, almost as if I was keeping secrets...secrets about the Cullens. The feeling was rather bizarre, but I quickly put it aside as Mrs. Jane began to gently question me about my day.

"It was okay," I answered noncommittally, looking out the side window so that she couldn't see my face.

"Hmmmm," hemmed Mrs. Jane giving me a keen look—rather like my mother used to do when she doubted I was telling the truth—then she abruptly switched topics by informing me of the school arrangements she had made on my behalf during the day. The school bus will pick me up at the end of Billy's driveway each morning at 7:20 A.M. and will drop me off there each afternoon. Mrs. Jane asked if I had picked up my lunch voucher and my locker information, and I answered her dully in the affirmative.

"How were your classes?" she asked kindly, yet throwing me another speculative glance.

I frowned. How was I going to tell her that I'd probably be failing half my classes within a week? I knew very little Spanish, and most of the chemistry and all of the calculus had flown right over my head; I had understood very little of what the teachers had lectured on. PE would also be a lost cause as I was the world's klutziest teenager and would only be a danger to myself and others in the gym.

I was going to be a complete and utter failure. But what else could I do?

I looked at Mrs. Jane, frightened by my thoughts, only to find her frowning at me. Okay, she knew something was definitely going on; nothing got past her for long.

"Well," I started slowly, "I think I'm going to need some tutoring in order to catch up in my classes." Understatement of the year. But at least I've let her know what the major problem is. Yeah, Billy taught me shit.

"Oh, really?" she asked nonchalantly. "I'm sure that can be arranged if you need it, Bella."

"The Spanish teacher said that she knew of someone who might be able to help me. I'll ask her about it tomorrow. And maybe I can track down some other tutors in calculus and chemistry."

"Good idea," agreed Mrs. Jane calmly as she drove us toward La Push. Wow. That was it? I wasn't going to mind terribly if she changed the topic again, though...especially when it got me off the proverbial hot seat. "Did you make any friends today?" she continued.

My face crinkled a bit in amusement; how old did she think I was? Oh, right...her kids were much younger than me. So I decided to answer the question since it was kindly meant. "I rediscovered one of my friends from elementary school; her name is Angela Weber. We hung out most of the day and ate lunch together."

"That's lovely, dear," said Mrs. Jane absently as she made a turn onto the main highway leading toward La Push and the beaches.

Then an idea struck me, and I had to give it a try. "I also met Alice Cullen today. She sat with Angela and me during lunch."

Mrs. Jane's head spun toward me so quickly that she looked like something out of _The__Exorcist._ I would never forgive Jacob for showing me that movie when I was eleven. I still had nightmares about Linda Blair. Ewwwww.

"You hung out with Alice _Cullen_?" Mrs. Jane squeaked.

"Yes, she seemed really nice...a lot nicer than some of the other girls," I replied calmly. "Why? What's wrong with spending time with Alice?" I asked innocently, hoping now to find out more about the Cullen family. Angela had been willing to fill me in during lunch, but my stupid panic attack had derailed that master plan. But Mrs. Jane worked for CPS, and if there was anything going on with the Cullens, she'd know what's going on for certain.

"Well, there's nothing _wrong_ with her, per se," responded Mrs. Jane carefully, but I noticed the strange way she emphasized the word "wrong." Weird. She continued, "The Cullens moved to Forks about two years ago. Dr. Cullen works as a surgeon at Forks Hospital, and he also takes shifts in the E.R. as well; he's very well-liked in the community, but he does tend to keep his distance. He doesn't get too involved in different town goings-on. All the nurses have huge crushes on Dr. Cullen, but apparently he's a happily married man. His wife, Esme, stays at home and is quite interested in decorating and design, and she is nearly as attractive as her husband. Their home is supposed to be quite a show-piece, and I've heard that her gardens are breathtaking, almost like something out of a magazine. The Cullens are quite young, despite having all those teenagers. The doctor looks to be about thirty, Esme a little younger."

She glanced at me, then continued.

"Because Mrs. Cullen can't have children, over the years they've adopted five kids: Jasper and Rosalie Hale are Mrs. Cullen's nephew and niece, and apparently she took them in when they were around five years old after the death of her sister and brother-in-law in a car accident. Then a few years later the Cullens adopted Emmett, Alice, and Edward. The Hales and Emmett are seniors this year, I believe, and Edward and Alice are juniors. The whole family is quite attractive, but they mostly keep to themselves."

Mrs. Jane flipped on her turn indicator, then drove her van down Billy's street. I felt my throat tighten a little as she concluded her story.

"Apparently the Cullens take the kids out of school when there's good weather for camping, backpacking, and hiking excursions. One would think that so many absences would affect their grades, but each one of those kids has a perfect 4.0 and rarely miss even a question on their exams. I understand that two of the Cullen kids are dating the Hale twins; it's been quite the little scandal here in Forks. I've heard the rumors even in Port Angeles, which is definitely saying something because we hardly hear any news about Forks in P.A."

I nodded, feeling decidedly nervous as we approached Billy's house. What kind of scene would I be treated to today? At least Jacob wouldn't be home until well after seven tonight because of football practice. But after being around normal...okay, _mostly_ normal...people today, I wasn't sure I would be able to handle the atmosphere of fear and hatred that filled the house in which I had lived for the past seven or eight years.

Mrs. Jane turned her minivan into Billy's driveway, and I tensed up, growing more afraid to go home. How messed up was that? Under my breath, I groaned. _Couldn't__I__just__live__in__a__motel__until__I__was__eighteen__or__something?_The best I could expect from Billy and Jacob was the silent treatment. The worst? Who knew?

But I knew this: I could not handle a big scene tonight. I felt raw after my day...strangely fragile after the unexpected panic attacks that had plagued me throughout my school hours. Somehow I felt I could handle the bitchiness of Jessica and her sidekick, Lauren, than the narrowed eyes of Billy right now.

I swallowed hard, closing my eyes for a moment as I vainly tried to gather a sense of calm.

It wasn't working.

At all.

Damn.

Stopping the car, Mrs. Jane shut off the engine and turned to me. "Bella," she said kindly. "I know things aren't good here. If you have anything to share with me, anything at all, I can get you out of here so fast that they'll never know what hit them." She peered at me expectantly.

And, God. I wanted to tell her. I knew that one word would get me out of that nightmare of a house and away from Billy and Jacob forever. And I knew that would be a good thing for me...a very good thing.

But something was holding me back from saying that word. I couldn't pinpoint what it was, but I just couldn't do it.

I looked Mrs. Jane in the eye and shook my head sadly.

She sighed. "Okay, Bella. I trust you," she said as she pulled a business card from her wallet and handed it to me. "Here are my numbers. Call me any time you need me, okay? Day, night, whenever."

I nodded obediently, grateful for her help.

And I would call her...if they'd let me anywhere near a phone. _Right..._

She looked at me intently. "I mean it, Bella. If you even _think_ you need me or need help of any kind, you call. Got it?"

"Yes," I whispered, touched by her fierce concern. "Thank you so much for everything." I felt my breathing begin to quicken, my heart start to pound, and my hands to shake uncontrollably.

"Bella?" Mrs. Jane reached forward, grasping my cold, trembling hands in her warm ones. "Bella, what's wrong?"

I couldn't answer. My whole body was shaking, and I couldn't stop it.

"Bella, are you all right? Has this happened to you before?"

Somehow I managed to nod. "T-t-t-t-today, a few t-t-t-times," I stuttered.

"Did it ever happen before today?" she asked, leaning toward me as I continued to tremble from head to foot, my breaths coming in frenzied gasps and my heart feeling like it was going to pound right through my chest.

I shook my head, unable to speak.

Mrs. Jane watched me try to calm myself for several minutes. "Bella, I'm taking you to the emergency room, just to make sure you're all right," she said slowly. "I think you're just having a panic attack, but you may need medications to control them better. How many times did this happen today?"

"Th-th-three times, w-w-w-once b-bad, t-t-two n-not t-too b-b-b-b-b-bad," I gasped, stuttering and stumbling through the words.

"Okay," she said, starting the van. "I'm driving you back to Forks." She put the minivan in gear and drove down the driveway and back onto the highway. The scenery passed my window in a blur, and I still couldn't calm my breathing or my racing heart. I felt perspiration trickling down the sides of my face, yet my cheeks felt icy cold. I was sure that they were completely colorless again.

Shit. Why did this keep happening to me? Maybe school is too much for me. Maybe Mrs. Jane will decide that I had better not go to Forks High after all since I keep having these horrid panic attacks or whatever they were. After all, I don't remember ever having one before today, and this is the fourth one now in less than eight hours. That's not a stellar record.

Dizziness swept over me, so closing my eyes, I leaned my head back against the headrest while these thoughts and worries swirled about in my mind. Would I be allowed to go back to school tomorrow? Maybe they'd at least let me keep the textbooks? Damn, I had left a couple of them in my locker. Would they take my locker away from me, too? Or could Angela or perhaps Mrs. Jane fetch the two texts I had left in my locker for me so I could keep them to study until the end of the semester? My paranoid thoughts swirled, making the dizziness worse, and my stomach lurched with nausea.

I mean, Billy never got me decent textbooks; only Jacob's library jaunts of past years had provided me with any real reading material, and those were mostly classics and historical fiction. Nothing in the sciences or mathematics, and certainly nothing to do with learning Spanish. At this point, I was probably more fluent in Quileute than I was in freaking Spanish. My random thoughts kept flowing, like a nightmare during the day, with my eyes tightly closed against the unwelcome images. A _daymare_? Was there such a thing?

_Maybe__I__was__just__going__crazy.__That__could__be__it_, I thought bitterly, shivering a little as beads of perspiration ran down the back on my neck and between my shoulder blades.

_Everything__was__so__damn__confusing._

Would I even survive in school anyway? I knew that it was going to be well nigh impossible to keep up in Spanish, calculus, and chemistry. I could manage history and English okay, but PE was going to be a joke. Was attending school just beyond me? Maybe Billy was right. Maybe I was just a "stupid bitch" as he so often called me. A "useless bitch." If I couldn't even handle school, what did that say about me...

These thoughts swished and swirled through my brain until I became aware that Mrs. Jane's vehicle had stopped. Vaguely I was aware of a door slamming, then fresh air flowed across my face as my door was opened.

Slowly I sat up, forcing my eyes open. Still feeling incredibly dizzy and wobbly, I hadn't stopped gasping for air and my fingers felt strangely numb. Like they weren't even there. Like they didn't exist.

_Did__I__exist?__Was__I__capable__of__existing?_

"Can you walk, Bella?" Mrs. Jane's voice was soft but insistent with concern, and she sounded strangely far away although she stood beside me, offering me her arm for support.

"Sh-sh-sure," I muttered, sliding down from the seat. But as my feet made contact with asphalt, I couldn't feel my legs under me. Mrs. Jane's arm wound around my waist as I gulped in fresh air...lots of fresh air. But it wasn't helping. Nothing was helping. My heart was pounding; I could feel each beat in my head, like a painful echo. I tried to take a step despite not being able to feel my body at all. I felt myself falling, sinking, everything fading and slowly disappearing. I couldn't really see anything, but I could hear Mrs. Jane calling my name and the shout of another voice that seemed strangely familiar.

Then I felt my body go completely limp, and I felt nothing. Blessed silence surrounding me, comforting me, soothing me. The absence of everything was a blessed relief.

And I was utterly grateful for the darkness and the peace.

**Bella's not having the best of days, is she? Poor girl! **

**Please do review! I'd love to hear from you! Please? **

**Thank you for reading! I appreciate each and every one of you! **

**Much love,**

**Cassandra :)**


	15. Chapter 14

**Here's a nice, long one for you...the longest one yet! I'm sure you all have figured out the source of the mysterious voice at the end of the last chapter. **

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 14**

I slowly became away of a strangely unusual smell...like a combination of undiluted bleach and cherry cough syrup. It stung the membranes inside my nose, so I reached up to cover my nose with my hand.

An icy cold hand stopped my own hand from touching my face. The coldness felt good, quite refreshing actually. I could hear Mrs. Jane's voice in the distance, as if she were across a room from me or something. Maybe even farther away than that. Her voice went in and out of hearing range, as if someone were toying with the volume of a radio.

Finally I managed to pry my eyes open and found myself staring into yet another pair of dark eyes, although these eyes weren't as deeply black as the others I had seen throughout the day. I blinked once, twice, then noticed that these eyes, though dark, were warm and welcoming. There was something oddly familiar about them, too.

A cold hand rested on my forehead for a moment, then a painful brightness flashed into my eyes which I closed quickly, throwing my hands over my eyelids for protection from the excruciating brilliance.

"There you are," spoke a velvety male voice. "Welcome back, Miss Swan."

I heard rapid footsteps that could only be Mrs. Jane's, then her anxious voice at my side. "Bella, are you all right?"

"She'll be fine," the smooth voice said. I wasn't so sure.

Slowly I lowered my hands and reopened my eyes. Orange spots marred my vision for a few moments, then finally I began to see clearly.

"Sorry about the flashlight," apologized the voice again. Somehow, this voice seemed familiar, too...as if I had heard it long, long ago. It was the kind of voice one heard on television or the radio...distinctive but smooth and soothing. And kind, very kind... "I assure you that it was entirely necessary to check the dilation of your pupils."

I saw the dark eyes again, and the gentle smile that lit the face of the pale, blonde man standing beside me. He was extraordinarily handsome, almost like movie-star handsome. But handsome was the wrong word. Perhaps beautiful? Gorgeous? I felt a tug on my hand and turned my head reluctantly away from the gorgeous man to see Mrs. Jane standing at my other side, scooping up one of my hands in hers and squeezing it gently.

I blinked again. "W-w-what happened?" I asked unsteadily, reaching up with my free hand to touch my face which still felt weird. I discovered a narrow plastic tube taped across my cheeks and beneath my nose. My skin itched under the tape; it was totally annoying.

Cool hands grasped my hands again. "You need supplemental oxygen for just a little longer. Your oxygen sats were a little low," said the beautiful man who must be a doctor of some kind, I guessed. I looked away from his stunning face to note he was wearing one of those white lab-type coats. Yep, a doctor.

I could totally handle this man as my doctor...

"You fainted in the parking lot," answered Mrs. Jane, pulling my wandering thoughts back to reality. "Fortunately, Dr. Cullen happened to be walking by, so he carried you into the emergency room."

Dr. _Cullen_? Gosh, I just couldn't seem to escape Cullens today.

He smiled down at me, and I almost stopped breathing; his face was so...so..._beautiful_. That wasn't really a word used to describe men, but it definitely described Dr. Cullen perfectly.

"Wow, I'll bet all the nurses are after you," I mumbled, unaware until I heard his and Mrs. Jane's low laughter that I had spoken aloud.

Great. Not that passing out in the parking lot wasn't embarrassing enough. No, I had to go babble the stupidest things out loud. In public. And in front of the gorgeous Dr. _Cullen_.

_Just__shoot__me__now__and__get__it__over__with,__please._

Then I heard a musical laugh, rather like chiming bells, just outside the door.

And there stood Alice Cullen.

"Alice? What are you doing here?" Dr. Cullen asked her, looking a little severe.

"I heard that Bella was here, so I wanted to be sure she was okay," trilled Alice, smiling broadly. When she noticed Dr. Cullen's raised eyebrows and skeptical expression, she merely shrugged. "I met Bella in school today. We have a few classes together, and we hung out at lunch," she explained, her lovely face earnest yet calm. Behind his back, she winked at me.

I gave her a small smile in return, puzzled by more than a few unanswered questions, but willing to wait patiently for the answers.

"Sorry, Alice. Isabella needs her privacy right now," Dr. Cullen insisted quietly, reaching up to grasp the ugly pastel-striped privacy curtain, pulling it around the bed I was laying on.

"Feel better, Bella! See you at home, Carlisle!" Alice's enthusiastic voice sounded from the doorway, then I heard the quick tapping of her heels as she bounced down the corridor.

I sighed. This was all a little strange.

"So, Isabella, Dr. Cullen began. "Mrs. Fairfield tells me that today was your first day at Forks High and that you experienced several panic attacks during school?

I nodded, glad that the dizziness was gone, for now at least. I sincerely hoped that it wouldn't put in a repeat appearance. Ever.

"Can you tell me how you felt when you experienced these attacks?"

A little haltingly I described how I felt: the pounding heart, the rapid breathing, the perspiration, the sense of cold, the apparent paleness, the dizziness.

"And what happened immediately before each attack?"

This question was much more difficult to answer. I needed to tell the truth yet I didn't want to implicate Edward's moodiness and apparent disdain (if not sheer hatred) as a cause.

Then Dr. Cullen would really think I was insane. Great. What to do? _Yeah,__your__son__freaked__me__out__with__his__staring__and__then__I__couldn't__breathe,__and..._

Right. I sound like a lunatic.

But I had to answer him.

I swallowed hard, looking at Mrs. Jane instead of Dr. Cullen so I wouldn't get distracted by his looks. Damn, it just figures that Edward's father would be almost as drop-dead-gorgeous as he is.

"Well, I think it was the noise. And all those kids. I-I'm just not used to it," I mumbled softly, looking down at my hands as I spoke.

Dr. Cullen looked puzzled. "I thought that you had just transferred in from another school."

I shook my head, still watching my nervously twisting hands in my lap. "No, I've been homeschooled since...fifth grade, I think."

"You think?" he questioned gently.

"Yeah, I think. After my dad died, I went to live with family friends in La Push. But that first year was kind of a blur." I peeked up at him from under my eyelashes, and he was frowning. Big time. And somehow he looked even more gorgeous, as if it were possible...

"Why were you homeschooled?" Dr. Cullen pressed.

I felt able to look at him now; his gentle questions and comforting bedside manner soothed away some of my embarrassment. Plus it was rude to not keep eye contact while speaking to someone. I think I remember my mom saying something like that...

Taking a deep breath and looking into his dark, encouraging eyes, I spoke softly. "The mom of the family thought that homeschooling me for a year or so would be a lot easier than trying to attend the Quileute school. Even though they all know me on the reservation, the Quileutes don't really like to have white kids enrolled in their tribal school."

I grinned suddenly, and Dr. Cullen seemed surprised as I continued, "Besides, I didn't think that most colleges would look favorably on Quileute as my foreign language requirement."

Dr. Cullen smiled widely, a devastatingly attractive smile. "I suppose not," he agreed, his dark eyes twinkling.

"And Sarah was a great homeschool teacher," I said. "It only got hard after she died, too." My voice broke on the last two words, and my eyes returned to my twisting hands.

"What?" Dr. Cullen asked, his voice suddenly rising in shock and...almost in anger. "Sarah Black homeschooled you? You lived with the Blacks?"

"She still does," Mrs. Jane added quietly, looking at Dr. Cullen, obviously surprised at his tone.

Immediately on hearing his changed tone, I glanced at Dr. Cullen, noting a very different expression on his face. His dark eyes were wide with shock, his brows furrowed, his expression one of barely controlled shock and rage.

"You live with Billy Black?" he almost growled in a low tone.

I merely nodded, a little afraid of Dr. Cullen at this moment. He looked..._dangerous_. I couldn't help a shiver from running down my spine, and I felt my heart start to quicken. It suddenly became a little more difficult to breathe.

Dr. Cullen looked up at me, took a deep breath, then forced a smile across his beautiful features. But the smile did not reach his eyes which still glittered dangerously.

"It's fine, Miss Swan. I'm sorry for startling you," he said in his most soothing voice. He glanced at Mrs. Jane, then looked back at the medical chart in his hands. "I need to speak with you," he almost growled at her. "In private."

A shocked look crossing her face, Mrs. Jane nodded at him, then put her warm hand over one of mine. "I'll be right back, Bella. You'll be fine." Sweeping back the privacy curtain, she moved toward the hallway.

I nodded, too weirded out by the doctor's bizarre reaction to my living with the Blacks to answer her verbally.

Dr. Cullen stared at me for a long moment, then wordlessly followed Mrs. Jane from the curtained area of the emergency room.

I wish I could hear them talking! Aargh! I hate it when people talked about me as if I wasn't there. Billy and Jacob did it all the time, especially when trying to make sure that someone stayed home with me when one or the other (or both) of them had plans to leave the house.

Then they'd start yelling stuff like, "I'm always stuck with _her_!" and "How would you feel, having to give up practically my whole life because of _her_?" and, the worst one, "Even though this whole situation is all _her_ fault, we still need one of here to watch over _her._"

Yeah, like I was some deranged lunatic who needed 24-hour-a-day surveillance in order to not burn down the house or something.

I hated it.

The memories of those words tore at me. Then fear set in.

_What__if__Mrs.__Jane__decided__I__wasn't__worth__h_er _effort__any__more?__What__is__I_did_flunk__out__of__Forks__High?__What__could__I__do__then?_

After finally getting a taste of freedom...of actually going _outside..._I wasn't sure that I could bear being caged again, like an animal, for months at a time. I would really go stark-raving mad.

Of course, that wasn't such a bad idea. The loony bin would probably be an improvement over being back in my room 24/7, despite its recent, more comfortable additions.

The door to the hallway swung open, and Mrs. Jane returned without the doctor. Her lips were pursed, as if she were thinking really hard about something. She walked to the side of my bed, then sat in a plastic chair beside it, sighing loudly. She looked exhausted.

Gosh, what time is it anyway? Billy was going to freak out, and it wasn't going to be a happy homecoming for me. Not that I'd been expecting one anyway, but...

"Bella," she said, looking me straight in the eyes again. I gulped noisily. "I want you to stay calm, okay?"

Yeah, like I could remain calm after hearing those words? _Riiiiight..._ But I nodded, despite feeling my heart and breathing begin to quicken.

"I'm going to ask you the same question I asked you think afternoon, and I need a truthful answer. Do you understand?"

I nodded, not sure which question she was going to ask, but I didn't figure it really mattered.

"Bella, I've seen Jacob just about lose control with me and with you several times over this last month. Dr. Cullen feels that Jacob is extremely volatile and dangerous and that, for your safety, you should not be returned to their home tonight. Or ever."

Wow. I felt my mouth hanging open in complete shock. I remembered how Jacob used to tease me about that when we were little: "_Gosh,__Bella,__you__tryin'__to__catch__flies__or__something?__"_ I remembered his laughter, his hooting at me, pointing at my mouth which was wide-open in utter surprise until I joined him, our laughter ringing through the house.

_That's__the__Jacob__I__remember.__I__miss__that__Jacob,__my__Jacob,__more__than__I__could__ever__express._

I had other friends, of course, when I lived in Forks and our families hung out together nearly every weekend, Billy and Daddy playing touch football in our small backyard while Jake, his sisters, and I cheered for them. But no one was my best friend like Jake is.

_ Like Jacob **WAS.**_

But he had changed. Billy had changed a lot after what happened, and that was all my fault. I knew that much. But Jacob had only started changing a year ago. I just didn't understand it. Where Jacob had been my confidant, my champion, my book-bearing friend, he now looked at me only in rage. He was so huge now too, tall and muscular. That growth spurt was incredible; he had seemed as if he were sprouting up almost every day.

_ What had happened to my best friend? And why was he shutting me out so completely? _

"Bella? Bella?" I suddenly became aware of Mrs. Jane calling my name. I looked at her, seeing her concerned face as she watched me like a hawk.

"Bella, has Jacob hurt you? Injured you in any way? What about Billy? I can tell that something is very wrong in that household, Bella, and with Dr. Cullen's written recommendation and your testimony, you would never have to return to the Blacks again."

_"__Really?__" _I asked, flabbergasted.

Mrs. Jane smiled grimly. "Really," she promised.

I knew that I should be totally jumping at this opportunity, but something was holding me back. I could leave Billy behind without a second thought. But Jacob...?

I frowned, looking down at my nail-bitten hands. There was something very wrong with Jacob, and I had to find out what it is. I had to help him. Despite the crappy way he treated me now, despite the abuse, both verbal and occasionally physical, that he heaped on me, every once in a great while, I saw something in his eyes. Behind the scowls and anger and rage, I think I see a hint of remorse. Especially after he physically hurt me. I haven't seen the unspoken "I'm sorry" in his eyes after this morning's abuse, but I haven't been home yet, either.

Somehow, my best friend still existed underneath all the rage and muscles. And I had to try to reach out and find him again. I had to. That was all there was to it. Even if going back to the Blacks' house was totally insane and perhaps even dangerous, I had to try to help my friend.

"No," I said slowly, praying that I was making the right decision. "No, I think I need to go back to the Blacks' house."

Mrs. Jane's eyes grew huge. "But Bella," she said, her voice rising, "I know there's been verbal abuse and probably physical abuse, too, but I can't prove it without your help. I think Dr. Cullen is right, sweetie. Returning to the Blacks will put you in grave danger."

"Is that what Dr. Cullen said?" I asked quietly.

"Yes. Word-for-word," she affirmed.

I sat there for a moment, thinking again. I could be free of the Blacks. I could live a normal life provided that I got the right family to stay with. But...

_Jake._ Despite all the shit he's put me through, despite the paralyzing fear he provoked in me, somehow I just couldn't desert him like this. I had a nagging feeling that he needed me somehow...that if I left, he'd be lost. And I had seen a trace of a lost little boy in his eyes when Mrs. Jane first asserted that I would be going to school. It was almost a flash of fear...fear that he could lose me.

I couldn't leave him. _Not__yet_...not while my friend was still _there_ under all the hostility and anger. No, I just couldn't.

"No, I need to go back," I said just as the door swung open and Dr. Cullen walked in again.

His jaw was set, as if he were trying to not grind his teeth together. He was obviously upset.

"Here's the paperwork, Mrs. Fairfield," Dr. Cullen said formally, handing her a folder.

"I'm not sure it's going to be necessary now," Mrs. Jane said slowly, not looking away from me as she spoke to him. "Bella seems to have decided to stay with the Blacks."

Dr. Cullen didn't seem surprised. Had he somehow overheard our conversation? But how was that possible? He still looked like he was reigning in his anger or something.

He turned to me. "Is there a reason why you refuse to leave, Isabella?" he asked. Something about his dark eyes seemed dangerous. I couldn't help cringing away from me as he hovered over my bed.

Seeing my fear, he backed off a little. "Isabella?" he asked again, obviously desiring an answer.

"Um," my voice trembled. "It's kind of complicated."

His voice was cool yet demanding as he responded quickly, "I'm certain I will be able to keep up."

I wanted to roll my eyes at his persistence, but he still seemed to be barely containing his anger. _What__is__going__on__here?_

"It's really hard to explain," I amended, hoping that he'd let it go. But I doubted he would. He looked so damned _determined._

"Do you best. I'm sure we'll figure it out," he replied coolly.

Gosh, he was just not giving up.

I cleared my throat and closed my eyes. Maybe if I didn't look at this gorgeous but furious doctor hovering over me, I could actually get words out.

But as I closed my eyes, another wave of dizziness came over me, and I felt my hold on consciousness begin to waver.

"Isabella?" Dr. Cullen shook my shoulder gently yet firmly. "Isabella?"

"Stop..." I managed to whisper.

"Perhaps we should let Bella rest a little," suggested Mrs. Jane. Her voice sounded kind of far away.

"Yes, we should let her rest. I'm sorry, Isabella," said Dr. Cullen. I felt cool fingers on my wrist as he took my pulse. Then everything seemed to fade away very, very slowly...

**I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, by far the longest one so far! I enjoyed writing Carlisle; after Edward, he's my favorite Twilight character. His goodness fascinates me. **

**Please do review! I'd love to hear from all of you! And thank you to all of you who reviewed the last chapter—-I so enjoyed reading your opinions about the story! :)**

**Have a lovely remainder of your week. The next chapter will be up on Saturday! **

**Love to you all,**

**Cassandra =) **


	16. Chapter 15

_**Okay, here's Chapter 15...with lots more Carlisle! Enjoy!**_

**Chapter 15**

I must have fallen asleep...or something. I wasn't sure how long I'd been out. When I finally pried my eyes open, blinking a few times to clear my fuzzy vision, I saw a woman, apparently a nurse, reaching up beside my bed, fiddling with a bag of clear fluid hanging on a metal hook-thing above my head. My eyes followed the slender tube twisting its way down from the bag to an IV inserted into the top of my hand.

I sighed in frustration. _Great.__An__IV._ I despised needles. I must have really been out of it to not notice an IV being placed in my hand. And I knew from experience that the top of the hand was the most painful place to stick one of those stupid things. The crook of my elbows must not have worked right; I also knew from experience that I had "tough veins," and nurses quite often had to call in a doctor to finally place my IV's.

I groaned, closing my eyes for a moment, vainly attempting to wish away the dreaded reality of the damn IV. I desperately wanted to curse the psychotic monster who had dreamed up the ridiculous idea of IV's in the first place...

"Ah, you're conscious," said the nurse cheerily. I opened my eyes to see her annoyingly-smiling face. She patted my arm soothingly, then said, still smiling, "I'll let Dr. Cullen know" and bustled away. _Stupid__cheerful__IV__torturer,_I thought malevolently. _Wasn't__there__a__law__against__torture__in__the__Geneva__Convention?__I__have__rights,__after__all..._

I let my eyes wander the room, noting that only one other bed was occupied out of the six beds in this part of the emergency room. In that bed an ancient man lay perfectly still, his mouth wide open as if he were dead or something. He didn't seem to be breathing much.

Thinking about breathing, I reached toward my face and found the oxygen tube still taped under my nose. Ugh again.

I glanced at the windows, and they were dark. _Wow,__how__late__was__it?__How__long__had__I__been__asleep__or__unconscious__or__whatever?_

It struck me as odd that Mrs. Jane was nowhere to be found. But, on the other hand, I hoped that she had gone home after spending so much time with me yesterday and today. She really needed to be home with her family, after all; they needed her since she had younger kids. Mrs. Jane certainly didn't need to spend so much time with me, especially when I seemed to be asking for more trouble with wanting to return to the Blacks' house rather that getting away while I could.

Closing my eyes again, I saw Jacob's face in my mind...the face of MY Jacob. MY Jacob with the laughing eyes...MY Jacob with the light heart despite the many troubles in our household. MY Jacob who sneaked me food and books, who occasionally even stood up to Billy on my behalf.

_I__desperately__missed__MY__Jacob._

I aimlessly wondered if anyone had told Billy and Jacob that I was in the E.R. since it was after dark now. Not that they would give a rat's ass most likely, but I also didn't want to end up in more trouble than completely necessary. Sighing, I looked out the dark window, seeing my own reflection clearly despite the blackness outside.

I could see that my face was still abnormally pale (even for me, the "pale pale-face" as Jake used to call me when we were kids), the clear, itchy tape holding an oxygen tube in place under my nose, short tubes inserted in each nostril. Ugh. So annoying.

Then I noticed the bruises on my chin and jaw...the bruises Billy had made the other morning and which I had covered carefully with foundation this morning before school. _Great._ I'm sure that Dr. Cullen would have additional questions for me as soon as he returned.

Well, maybe I would get lucky. Maybe his shift was over soon so that I could be treated by another doctor. Maybe I'd get a new doctor who didn't care about what had happened to me quite as much...

The door to the hallway opened, and, sure enough, Dr. Cullen came in. I hoped that he would pass my bed and say nothing, perhaps on his way to the dead-looking old man, but luck obviously wasn't with me today. Nope. No way.

Dr. Cullen came straight to my bed, taking the chart from the slot at the end of the bed and flipping pages back as he read it.

He was not looking at me...deliberately not meeting my eyes.

Great.

I sighed, waiting for the onslaught of pointed but impossible questions.

So I watched him suspiciously as he made a note or two in my chart, then closed it, slipping it back into the slot at the foot of my bed.

Then he finally looked at me. And again I saw the barely repressed anger in his dark eyes.

Why was he so angry?

_What__had__I__done?_

"What did I do?" I asked in a small voice, not really aware that I was speaking aloud.

His brows rushed together in a deep frown, and I couldn't help thinking that a man as mindboggingly gorgeous as Dr. Cullen should not be frowning. It was just...so _wrong_.

He sighed, then walked slowly along the side of my bed, seating himself in the plastic chair next to my bed.

Finally his nearly-black eyes met mine, and they were no longer angry; they were grieved. Sad. And I gasped almost silently at the amazing change in his expression.

"You haven't done anything wrong, Isabella," he assured me quietly.

"Then why—" I started, but he interrupted me.

"I put in your IV, my dear, when the nurse had problems inserting the needle in your arms."

I looked down at my hand where the IV was inserted, noticing that my hoodie had been removed, and seeing a square white bandage in the crook of my elbow where the nurse had apparently tried (unsuccessfully) several times to place the IV. But without my hoodie sleeves covering my arms, my short-sleeved t-shirt had revealed the reason for Dr. Cullen's dark anger. I groaned softly as I looked at the evidence he had seen...and had understood all-too-easily.

The dark colors of the blue-purple marks caused by Billy's four fingers and thumb were clearly outlined against my white forearm. I had almost forgotten that Billy had grabbed me roughly yesterday morning before we saw Judge Aro.

_Was__that__only__yesterday?_ So much seems to have happened since just yesterday. My mind spun sickeningly for a moment, and my eyes began to close of their own accord...

"Isabella," Dr. Cullen said slowly, his deep, smooth voice calling my dizzy mind back to the subject at hand. "What caused these marks?"

My eyes opened to see his dark eyes boring into mine as he sought the truth. But I couldn't tell him what had happened or he wouldn't allow me to return to the Blacks. And I had to go back...for Jacob's sake. I folded my lips stubbornly, refusing to answer.

"Or rather," he said deliberately, his eyes seeming to darken further with undisguised fury, "_**who**_ caused these marks?"

I sighed, closing my eyes in frustration. I couldn't tell him the truth. I knew that if I did tell him what Billy had done, he was legally obligated to report it to Mrs. Jane. And, as she had promised, I'd be out of the Blacks' house so fast that my head would spin.

I opened my eyes, staring back into his with resolve. "I tripped," I whispered, praying that I sounded convincing. "And Billy caught my arm to keep me from falling."

He turned away from me, but I still heard his muttered curse. Obviously he didn't believe me. But without my reporting the abuse, I was fairly certain that the doctor's hands would be tied. He might be able to file a report of his suspicions, but with Mrs. Jane already involved, not much could happen without my telling the truth.

And I just wasn't ready to do that yet.

Dr. Cullen turned back to me, anger sparkling in his dark eyes almost as if tears were rising. He leaned over me and gently taking my hand in his, he pointed out the large bruise on my upper arm, the mark resulting from Jacob shoving me into the hallway wall this morning. His hands were strangely cold...an oddly familiar kind of cold. Somehow I was soothed by his touch rather than shocked by the icy feel of his hand on mine.

"And this?" he questioned quietly. "Did you fall again here?"

I nodded firmly. Then he touched my shoulder through my thin t-shirt, and I couldn't stop my body from flinching away from his touch in pain; Jacob had shoved me hard, and my shoulder had taken the brunt of his violent force. "And here as well?" he asked gently.

Once again I nodded, unable to speak.

Dr. Cullen looked at me, his eyes pleading as much as his very persuasive voice. "Isabella, you can't allow this to happen. You can't return to that house. It's dangerous. _They're_ dangerous. If only you knew..." His voice trailed off, and he looked uneasy, as if he had said too much.

"If only I knew what?" I whispered, feeling my hands begin to tremble with real fear...not fear of Dr. Cullen, but fear of Billy and Jacob and whatever mystery they continued to hide from me...

"If only you knew...that they might very well kill you," he amended quickly. But my eyes narrowed; he had been going to say something else but changed his mind at the last moment.

_What__was__Dr.__Cullen__hiding__from__me?__What__did__he__know__about__the__Blacks?__Did__he__know__their__secret...a__secret__I__still__didn't__know__after__living__with__them__for__years?_

The doctor placed my hand and arm back on my bed atop the thin sheet and blanket that covered my aching body. Closing his eyes for a moment, he bent his head as if in deep thought or perhaps praying... Then, raising his head, he looked me squarely in the eyes as he spoke in a soft, musical, persuasive voice, "Isabella, I don't want to see you brought into this E.R. again, panicking and covered in bruises. But that's not my real fear, my dear. I'm quite afraid that you'll be brought in here, and you'll be grievously injured beyond my care."

He leaned over my bed, his expression so earnest. "I know how _they_ are, Isabella, and I know that you're not safe in La Push. In fact, I believe that you are in grave danger. You need to tell me or at least tell Mrs. Fairfield what's going on in that house. You need to tell the truth about these injuries, Isabella. Yes, right now the Blacks are only bruising you, but things can so quickly get worse...much worse. Their tempers are extremely volatile, and a simple argument can get out of control so easily." Dr. Cullen looked down at his hands for a moment, then gazed into my eyes again, his dark eyes pleading with me as he whispered, "I'm afraid for you, Isabella. So afraid."

Tears were rising to my eyes at his obvious concern, his earnest supplication.

And I knew that he was right.

But I had a question to ask him first...a very important question. I had the strange feeling that a great deal balanced upon his reply...

"_How_?" I asked, my voice choked with emotion. "_How_ do you know what they're like, Dr. Cullen?"

Ignoring my question completely (a bad sign, in my opinion), Dr. Cullen continued in his velvety voice, "And I see you, Isabella Swan. I see how thin you are, how deep the anxiety is that grips you. Mrs. Fairfield told me about the panic attacks you had today at school, as did Alice. You have been abused, sweetheart, perhaps for years, but it needs to stop. _Now..._before something far, far worse happened to you."

My jaw fell agape, and I felt a blush suffuse my face. How did he know all this? I took a deep breath, realizing that he and Mrs. Jane must have had a long conversation while I slept. And he had spoken to Alice as well.

I was also surprised by the endearment; he had called me "my dear," then just now "sweetheart." Why was he taking my case so personally? Why was he even bothering? I closed my eyes, resting for a moment, then gathered my strength to speak again.

"Why do you care?" I whispered weakly. "You don't even know me."

Dr. Cullen smiled down at me fondly, "Ah, but I do know you, Isabella, although I doubt that you remember me. You were quite small, after all."

"_How_?" I gasped, not believing him. "_How_ do you know me?"

"I was in Forks nearly ten years ago for a short time as a medical student, doing a rotation with Dr. Gerandy. He was doing a great deal of hospice work at the time, and he asked me to take over a few cases for him." Dr. Cullen was staring at me...as if he were willing me to remember him.

And suddenly I did remember. His voice, his cold touch, his sad smile. It all came rushing back to me...all the memories and feelings from that horrible time, that terrible turning point of my life.

But something was very, very different about him now...

"Carlisle?" I gasped, my tears beginning to flow. I remembered that he had allowed me to call him by his first name, a familiarity my parents had reluctantly allowed as they thought it was impolite. But Carlisle and I had enjoyed a special bond, even back then.

"Yes, Isabella," he answered with a gentle smile. "You were so young, and to see an eight-year-old girl watching her beloved mother slowly fade away from an incurable disease was simply excruciating. But you refused to be sad, sweetheart. You kept both of your parents smiling throughout those dark days, you know. And you raised my spirits as well as I struggled with the inevitability of the death of a young mother, so loved by her daughter and her husband. You were such a joyful child, my dear, even when all hope was lost, Isabella."

Of course, by this time I was a sobbing mess, choking on the rush of emotions his soft words evoked in me from that time that I had worked so hard to block out ever since my mother, then my father, had left me...alone. Instinctively I reached my arms toward Carlisle, and, careful of my IV and supplemental oxygen, he held me in his cool arms while I cried against his chest, just as he had held me all those years ago when I had sobbed after he had pulled me, sleepy and shocked, from the arms of my dead mother on that fateful morning.

But something was very different about Carlisle now, and I had to mention it.

I pulled back for a moment, huge tears still rolling down my face and my arms tightly wrapped around his neck as I hiccuped, "B-b-but your eyes," I sobbed. "I remember your eyes were golden-brown."

Carlisle hugged me close again, and I realized how cold his chest was against mine...just the way I had remembered him. "You were only seven or eight, Isabella," he whispered soothingly. "Sometimes things in the past aren't the way we remember them."

I continued crying softly against his cold shoulder, and he held me tightly, crooning my name in a very comforting manner as he rubbed circles on my back with his cold hand.

But as I cried, I also knew that Carlisle was lying to me.

Because if there was nothing else that I remembered about the gentle young doctor caring for my mother during that horrible time in my early life, it was his kind, golden-brown eyes.

_**I hope that you all enjoyed this chapter! Please do review...and I can't thank you who posted reviews to the last chapter nearly enough! I loved hearing from so many of you, especially from those of you who hadn't reviewed before! **_

_**And thanks to my special friends, NataliaMazur, SleepMyBella, and LadyLibre, who encourage me and keep me motivated with their awesome comments! Ladies, you're the BEST ever!**_

_**And thanks to Aleeab4u who Tweeted about this story earlier this week! Thank you, my dear! :) **_

_**So please review, and I'll see you all on Wednesday when I post the next chapter!**_

_**Love to you all,**_

_**-Cassandra :)**_


	17. Chapter 16

_**This is the longest PbF chapter thus far. Enjoy! **_

**Chapter 16**

I must have dozed off again after Carlisle had reluctantly left, telling me that there had been a car accident and two people were being brought into the ER with minor injuries. Somehow, when he released me after our hug, I could have sworn that he was crying...or should have been crying, but his dark eyes, while reddened slightly, were strangely dry. _Weird._

As he pulled the curtain around my bed to give me some privacy in the ER, he gave me a look that made my own eyes tear up...again. It was the kind of look that I remember my own dad giving me...well, the kind he used to give me before Mom got sick. It was a strange burning, proud, loving look, both fierce and protective, as if I were of real meaning and value to him. I sniffled a little at the thought, wiping my red eyes on the edge of the sheet.

With the privacy curtain now shielding my bed, I listened to Carlisle's velvety voice comfort the mother and young son whom he was treating a few beds down. He joked gently with the boy while soothing the very worried and guilt-wracked mother who had taken her eyes off the road "just for a split-second" to switch radio stations. He quieted her anxiety with a cheery calm that worked wonders.

Carlisle truly was amazing.

And I smiled to myself sleepily as I dozed off to the velvet comfort of his voice as he treated his patients who were sporting only bumps and bruises, fortunately.

I woke to a cold hand gently shaking my shoulder. Reluctantly I opened my bleary eyes to see Carlisle standing beside my bed, my chart in his hand. Seeing him there next to me, I made more of an effort to sit up and pay attention, scrubbing my tired eyes with the back of my IV-free hand.

What time was it, anyway?

"I'm sorry to wake you, Isabella," Carlisle apologized. "But I have to release you once I remove the IV. All your tests have come back normal, so that's good." He nodded at me, smiling slightly, then became serious again. "However, there's the issue of your panic attacks."

I nodded cautiously. I'd rather not get into the reasons for those damn attacks, the major cause of which was his own children who were still freaking me out more than a little. But I certainly didn't want Carlisle to think that I was crazy or something...

He must have sensed my unwillingness to talk as he prepared to remove the blasted IV. Of course, I refused to look as his cold fingers skillfully removed the needle and tubing from my hand, a square of gauze taped tightly across the IV site in its place. Breathing a sigh of relief now that the horrid needle was history, I finally looked up at my doctor and longtime friend.

Carlisle was consulting my chart, his face professional and serious, then he looked at me, concerned. "You said the panic attacks first started today. Is that correct, Isabella?"

I nodded, hoping we weren't going to get into too many details.

"How many attacks did you experience? How severe were they?" he asked quietly, his dark eyes peering into mine. He seemed anxious for some reason that I couldn't quite figure out.

"Four," I replied slowly. "Two were fairly mild, but two were pretty bad."

"Okay," Carlisle said with a small nod of his head as he jotted down the information. He thought for a moment, absently tapping the end of his pen on my chart. "Let's try writing you two prescriptions for now. The Xanax will hopefully help you to fight against the attacks better for the short term. The long-term medication you'll be taking is Paxil, but it takes up to six weeks to build up in your system before it starts helping. That's what the Xanax is for, then in eight weeks, we'll wean you off the Xanax and you'll be taking Paxil only. Does that make sense to you?"

I nodded, but with some uncertainty. Of course, there was a potential problem...a big one.

Could I ever get a break?

I watched Carlisle scribbling in my chart, then he pulled out a thick pad and started writing a prescription...the kind Billy received from doctors and tossed into the trash can at home every time I had to be carted to the clinic in La Push as the result of another attack of severe klutziness.

Swallowing hard past a strange lump in my throat, I forced myself to ask, "But what if Billy won't pay for the medicine? I mean, I barely get fed half the time, so how am I going to get the medications?"

As Carlisle's eyes grew wide and he folded his lips into a thin line of displeasure, I realized what I had just admitted.

Major oops.

"It's okay," I rushed to assure him. "I'm not that hungry most of the time." I took a breath and continued more slowly, kind of thinking out loud. "But I don't think that Billy will fill my prescriptions for me. He won't want the La Push clinic doctor to know I need these types of medications because it implies that I'm depressed, and that doesn't make him look too good. And he won't want to pay for them, no matter what; he always throws my prescriptions in the trash from the clinic in La Push. Besides, he definitely won't come here to the Forks Hospital to deal with medications on a regular basis. He really hates this place for some reason, and he refuses to explain why. Billy won't let anyone from the tribe come here. Ever. It's forbidden."

Carlisle looked thoughtful as he sought to solve the problems I had raised, yet I caught a flash of anger in his gentle eyes. I just hope that he never met Billy face-to-face; I had a distinct feeling that Carlisle, for all his kindness and compassion, could be a real force to be reckoned with if threatened. A sort of protective fierceness remained in his eyes as he pondered, "Hmmm. I think I can give you a couple of weeks' worth of free samples of both medications, and then we'll work something out through Mrs. Fairfield. All right?"

I nodded. His plan might just work. With a small smile, Carlisle disappeared, reentering the room only a few moments later with a small white paper bag. "Here," he said, handing it to me. "This is a two-week supply of both medications. And I'll talk to Mrs. Fairfield at CPS about how to get more to you. We'll make this work. Don't worry about a thing, sweetheart." His eyes were soft, and I felt the burn of tears welling in my eyes at his concern.

"Thank you, Carlisle," I whispered, choked up with emotion. He was so..._fatherly_. As I blinked away the moisture building in my eyes, he helped me slide off the hard ER bed and onto my feet. I wobbled a little, and Carlisle steadied me by grasping my shoulders until my balance returned, then let me go, searching my face anxiously.

Maybe he was waiting for me to faint again? My track record with him wasn't stellar in that department, after all.

"Hey, I don't have decent balance on a good day, so spending hours in an uncomfortable hospital bed isn't going to help much," I joked, a humorless laugh escaping me.

Carlisle smiled briefly, but the concern remained in his eyes. Then he gestured to the bag of medications in my hand. "May I?" he asked politely.

"Sure," I said, handing Carlisle the bag and wondering what he was up to.

Reaching in, he pulled out one of the sample boxes of Xanax, placed the bag on the bed, opened the box, and popped two pills through the foil-backed sheet.

"Here," he said, handing them to me then pouring me a cup of water from the plastic bedside pitcher. "Take two now and two more when you get home. Just follow the instructions I wrote down for you in the bag. You can wait to take the Paxil until you get home."

I nodded, then took the pills, washing them down with the cup of tepid water. Gross.

But his words reminded me of a potential problem...a rather big one, actually.

"Um, Carlisle, how am I going to get home? What time is it?" I asked worriedly.

Glancing at his watch, he replied, "It's nearly eleven at night. Can't Billy or Jacob come get you? Or, better yet," his eyes glanced at me hopefully, gauging my response, "I can call Mrs. Fairfield and she can get you away from La Push for the long-term, Isabella."

I shook my head sadly. "Jacob or Billy never come near this place; I don't know why. They always joke and laugh about all the patients here dying of exsanguination, whatever that is."

Again Carlisle folded his lips into a thin line, and I swear that his dark eyes sparkled dangerously for a second or two before his expression cleared. "Well, I'm not able to take you to La Push tonight because I'm the only attending physician on duty here in the ER, but I could have Alice come pick you up and you can spend the night at our home, then go to school with the others in the morning."

A frisson of fear traveled down my spine, but it seemed the only way unless I was willing to wake up Mrs. Jane and make her be my taxi driver at midnight. I shook my head thoughtfully; no, I couldn't put her out like that, especially after all she has done for me this week.

"If you don't mind calling Billy," I said. "He'll need to know where I am."

Carlisle took a slim iPhone from the front chest pocket of his pristine white lab coat. "Here. You may use my phone to call him."

_Great._ First of all, Billy was probably asleep now, and waking him up was never a good idea. Jacob may still be awake, but both of them would freak out once they learned where I was. They were always jeering about Forks Hospital where "patients go in but they never come out." But somehow there was a sense of fear hidden beneath their joking that I've never understood. I just didn't get their little inside jokes sometimes, and they were obviously not inclined to share the meaning with me.

"Did Mrs. Jane call them earlier?" I asked.

Carlisle nodded, "Yes, I believe she said that no one was home at the Blacks' house, but she got a hold of a Mrs. Clearwater in La Push who said that she would pass along the message."

"Okay," I said, taking the proffered phone. I had no idea what Jacob's cell phone number was, so I guessed I should just call the home number, even if it did wake up Billy. I wondered what his reaction was to Mrs. Jane's earlier call, telling him that I was being treated in the Forks' ER. Not that the ER wasn't a familiar place to me, but I was a frequent flier at the miniscule La Push Clinic, not the larger and better-staffed Forks Hospital.

_Klutz,__remember?_

_ C_arefully I dialed the familiar number, one I knew far better from my years of living in Forks than I did from my time in La Push. When I was little, Mommy had taught me our home phone number, the number to the Sheriff's Department where Daddy worked, and the Blacks' number in La Push. She went over them every day until I had all three numbers memorized perfectly. And they had stuck with me, I supposed...

The phone rang four times before a deep, bleary voice answered, "Hello."

"Hi Billy," I replied, inwardly cringing but putting on a brave front as Carlisle stood beside me, his eyes tight with concern.

"What the hell are you up to?" growled the deep voice that was a constant source of fear to me. "Get your ass home. _Now._ You hear me?"

"I would Billy, really I would!" I begged him to understand. "But I don't have any way to get home. Can you or Jake pick me up?"

"Are you still at the hospital?" he spat, his voice menacing.

"Yes. I'm just now being released," I whispered, growing more anxious with every word. _The__drama__I__will__be__walking__into__when__I__get__home__will__certainly__be__epic._

"Shit," Billy snarled. _Well,__that__wasn't__a__promising__response._ "I'm in bed already for the night, and Jake's out hanging around with his friends. I've tried his cell several times since sundown, but all I get is his voice mail."

"Oh, okay," I said uncertainly. I looked up to see Carlisle with his palm out, silently asking me for the phone. Reluctantly I handed it to him, noting that Carlisle's eyes almost glowed with a strange fierceness belied by his calm facial expression.

Carlisle put the iPhone to his ear. "Good evening, Mr. Black. This is Dr. Cullen at Forks Hospital's Emergency Room. I've been treating Isabella this afternoon and evening." Carlisle's voice was strangely smug, almost as if he knew that saying this would piss Billy off. Then Carlisle paused, listening, his face growing hard as Billy spoke...or rather growled. I couldn't make out Billy's words, but the animosity was clear.

Carlisle replied in a clipped tone, "I understand."

He remained still as a statue as Billy continued on his verbal rampage. Carlisle frowned but remained silent, apparently allowing Billy to vent.

Finally Carlisle spoke, his voice ice-cold, "I am suggesting that I take Isabella to my home to stay the night, and she can go to school in the morning with my children."

Longer pause. More frowning, his jaw tight, his dark eyes burning with a strange light. In fact, I thought I heard him _growl._ That was weird.

"Very well. Yes, I understand. Yes, of course," Carlisle said, his eyes becoming darker as his expression hardened even further. He seemed incredibly tense and still. And oddly _dangerous._ I watched him with worried eyes as he refused to meet my gaze, instead staring at the night-black window.

_What__the__hell__is__going__on__here_?

Carlisle turned off the phone with no farewell. He dialed another number, placing the phone again to his ear.

"Is Mrs. Fairfield at home? Yes, I'll wait. Thank you."

Pause. Carlisle tried to smile at me but failed abysmally. My stomach lurched. This situation was not good..._so_ not good. I was becoming more and more scared of returning to the Blacks.

Perhaps I should have taken Carlisle and Mrs. Jane up on their offer to get me out of the Blacks' house. But I had made my decision, and I wasn't going to change it, no matter how bad the situation became. I folded my arms across my chest to hide my shaking hands.

Apparently Mrs. Jane had come to the phone since Carlisle was speaking, his pleasant voice a complete contrast to his tone with Billy. "Good evening, Mrs. Fairfield. This is Dr. Cullen at Forks Hospital. Yes. Yes, she's ready to go home, but the Blacks can't pick her up, and I can't leave the hospital to take her home. Yes, I realize that. Oh, I'm sorry. Yes. Yes, of course. That should work. I'm sorry to bother you. I should have thought of that option myself. Yes, I'm sorry. Thank you; that will be perfect. Have a good night, Mrs. Fairfield. Yes, please do call me in the morning. You have my numbers. Goodnight then."

He dialed one more number. "Yes, this is Dr. Carlisle Cullen at Forks Hospital. May I please speak to the officer in charge tonight? Thank you."

Pause.

"Yes, hello Mark; this is Carlisle. Yes. Yes. Well, I have a favor to ask. I have Isabella Swan here in the ER, and she's being released, but Billy Black isn't able to pick her up, and I'm the ER Attending tonight and can't leave the hospital. Yes? That would be great. Thank you so much. I owe you one. Yes, thanks. Goodnight, Mark."

Carlisle slipped his phone back into his pocket. "One of the deputies from the Sheriff's office will drive you home to the Blacks."

"Thank you," I said quietly.

He looked at me, his dark eyes boring into mine again. "Are you certain, Isabella? About going back to the Blacks? It's dangerous, sweetheart."

I nodded. "I have to, Carlisle."

"Can you tell me why?" he smiled slightly as he asked, but his eyes were tight again with worry.

I thought for a moment, then slowly replied, "It's Jacob, Carlisle. Until last year, we were best friends. He helped sneak me food and books and would let me out of my room to watch TV with him while Billy was at council meetings. Jacob's been my best friend, my brother. He's always protected me and taken care of me. But in the last year, he's changed so much. He's volatile and cruel, but I can still see my brother in his eyes, Carlisle." I sighed. "I know it's dangerous. And I really don't want to go back. I'm scared to go back there. I won't lie; it's been hellish."

My voice lowered to a whisper as I nearly pleaded with him to understand as I continued, "But I can't desert Jacob when there's a chance of getting my brother back. I just can't, Carlisle."

Carlisle blinked once in surprise, then his hard expression softened. "I do understand, Isabella." He smiled down at me the same way he did when I was eight. "You haven't changed at all, my dear. You are always thinking of others and never of yourself."

Well, those words caused me to blush bright red; I was not used to praise of any kind.

The emergency room doors swung open, and a uniformed man in his mid-forties stood there. "Hey, Carlisle," he greeted the doctor jovially.

"Good evening, Mark. Thanks for doing this," responded Carlisle.

"Hey, none of that," scolded the officer jokingly. "We'll do anything for Charlie's girl." And he smiled at me as if I were an old friend.

And, in a way, perhaps I was.

"Gosh dang, Isabella Swan! You've grown up, girl," he greeted me. I vaguely remembered him, perhaps from barbecues during my early childhood. "Well, I'm happy to drive you to La Push, little sweetheart. I already called Billy and told him to expect us."

Smiling, Carlisle reached forward and shook the officer's hand. "Thanks, Mark. You're a good guy."

"Nah, not me. But Charlie...there was a good guy," said Mark.

"Yes, indeed," agreed Carlisle, then he turned to me. "Ready to go?" he asked, his smile fading and his eyes darkening with worry.

A smiling nurse came forward then and handed me my purple backpack. "Thank you," I said quietly. Impulsively I stepped toward Carlisle, sliding my arms around him in a hug. Resting his chin on the top of my head, he wrapped his arms around me, holding me close. "Call me if you need anything, Isabella," Carlisle whispered in my ear. "I'm here for you, sweetheart."

Gosh, how many people had I hugged today? This was soooooo not me, but with both Mrs. Jane and Carlisle, it just felt right...and comforting...which was something I hadn't felt since Jacob started weirding out on me a year ago.

As we released each other after a long moment, I felt my tears returning. "Thank you, Dr. Cullen...for everything," I said in a thick voice.

"Take care of yourself, Miss Swan," the doctor replied formally, giving me a serious, meaningful look, then a sly wink.

With a slight smile and one more small wave at Carlisle, I followed the officer to the cruiser parked outside the emergency room ambulance bay.

**Well, there we are! :) **

**Please do review! I am soooooo enjoying hearing your thoughts about this story from so many of you, and I respond to almost all reviews. :) **

**I have final writing projects to grade, all due Friday, so I may be a bit slow on the review responses. But I'll see you all on Saturday with Chapter 17 (which I've started but still have to finish). **

**Have a great remainder of your week! :) **

**-Cassandra :) **


	18. Chapter 17

**Here's Chapter 17! I'm sorry for posting late; I had final essays to grade and they took more time than I had planned. **

**Anywhooo, enjoy! :) **

**Chapter 17**

Anxiously I stood waiting for the school bus in the drizzly rain, wearing my new-to-me jacket Mrs. Jane had bought for me. Today's drizzle was quite the usual for Olympic Peninsula weather.

Ugh. Sometimes I felt like a piece of mold, living in such a wet, drippy place.

Still feeling exhausted from my very long day yesterday, I was exceedingly grateful that I hadn't laid eyes on neither Billy nor Jacob last night or this morning...which was more than a little weird.

Actually, it was simply bizarre. But I'd take it. Lord knows, I would definitely take it.

It had been a long ride home from the ER last night, a ride filled with dread and anxiety...at its beginning, at least. But after an awkward silence, Officer Mark had finally started chatting with me, regaling me with hilarious stories of my dad's various embarrassing shenanigans while on the force. Officer Mark's extremely loud laughter at the stories he told almost hurt my ears, very effectively distracting me from the worst of my anxiety...or was it the medications Carlisle had given me? Anyway, I felt the compulsion to jot down these stories before I forgot the details; I didn't want to forget a single word, if possible.

After meeting both Carlisle and Officer Mark last night, I felt closer to my parents than I had for years. It was a very nice feeling, this nearness to them, and I felt a new strength building within me as long-forgotten memories came flooding back, no longer repressed but welcome now with a deep gratitude. The presence of these memories...some humorous, others sad and poignant...brought me a new sense of security and a feeling quite similar to peace.

Peace. What a foreign concept to me, to my life.

But it was nice, and I could only hope that it would last.

When I came creeping in through the unlocked front door last night after Officer Mark had dropped me off, the house was dark and silent. If I hadn't known better, I would have thought I was the only one at home, but that couldn't be possible. They never left me alone.

I sneaked down the pitch black hallway, figuring that Billy must be in bed and asleep already as no light shone from under his closed door. Returning to the kitchen, I quickly grabbed a glass of water and tiptoed back to my room, closing my door behind me. Opening the white bag Carlisle had given me, I took out the prescribed medications, swallowed the proper dosages, then crept out quickly to use the bathroom, wash my face, and brush my teeth.

As I tiptoed across the hall on my way to bed, I saw that Jacob's bedroom door was half open, his room dark. Apparently he wasn't home yet, and as I had no desire to run into an angry Jacob in the hallway just past midnight, I scurried off to bed, falling asleep almost immediately from sheer exhaustion.

Despite going to bed so late last night, I slept amazingly well, better than I had for years, and for once without the nightmares that often woke me with my own screaming. But this morning I awakened with my alarm at six in the morning, wide awake and ready for the day...definitely a new feeling for me.

Could it be the medications or maybe the many changes in my once-miserable life? Perhaps a combination of the two?

Whatever the reason, I felt positively buoyant this morning, despite the persistent gray drizzle outside my window.

After making my bed and smoothing my new-to-me comforter with a sense of satisfaction, I turned to my closet, deciding to wear my blue v-neck t-shirt and the blue-and-green plaid hoodie which matched nicely. Wow...matching clothing. What a concept! After pulling out new socks, a fresh bra, and new yellow panties that suited my cheerful mood, I quietly turned the doorknob of my closed bedroom door, expecting it to be locked as usual.

It wasn't.

My mouth fell open in shock.

It had to have been before Sarah Black's death six years ago since my door had not been locked at night.

Something really weird was going on here. But if it meant more freedom to me, I wasn't going to be looking that gift horse in the frickin' mouth, know what I mean?

Slowly I opened my door, then scampered to the bathroom to shower quickly, surprised to see no one in the house as I usually did. After using make-up to cover the yellowing bruises on my face, I skipped back to my room to put away my pj's and gather up my school things before moving soundlessly down the hallway and carefully peering into the kitchen. As it was dark, an unusual circumstance, I flipped on the light.

The kitchen was deserted. I checked the wall clock and saw that it was ten minutes past seven, a time of day in which both Billy and Jacob were usually in the kitchen. But the coffee pot was empty and no dishes were scattered across the counter or were piled in the sink, so it appeared that I was the first person in the kitchen this morning.

Truly bizarre.

But, as I said, I was not one to ignore a golden opportunity.

Or to miss using another darn cliché.

After a quick inspection of available food options, I poured myself a glass of milk, gulping it down quickly before anyone made an appearance and complained. Or got angry. Really angry.

But no one did.

Grabbing a banana from the fridge and a granola bar from the pantry, I threw on my black rain jacket and waterproof boots and left through the front door, extremely grateful to not have to face either an irate Billy or a possibly pissed-off Jacob either last night or this morning.

The force must be with me.

I munched my banana while waiting for the bus, tossing the peel under a nearby fern. I had read somewhere that banana peels were good for roses, so it wouldn't hurt the fern, I guess.

So I wasn't really littering, right?

Soon the yellow bus lumbered out of the drizzle toward me, so I boarded the school bus with a fairly light heart, thinking happily of returning to Forks High. After I sat down near a window with no one beside me (yet), I opened the granola bar and ate it slowly, making it last. And I had my temporary lunch card thing in my locker and would get a permanent one this morning at the office, so I would get lunch at school. I trembled a bit when the thought of entering the cafeteria crossed my mind, but I pushed the image away; I wasn't going to let anything ruin my abnormal good mood this morning.

So as the bus drove and stopped, drove and stopped, drove and stopped, I allowed myself to think instead about Carlisle. I had met him ten years earlier when I was only eight years old, back when he was apparently a medical student or something, I think he said. But I could have sworn that jolly old Dr. Gerandy (who reminded me of Santa Claus with his white beard and big stomach) had introduced his assistant as being a doctor, not a student. I guess that Alice and Edward had to have been about my age then, too, but I don't remember Carlisle ever talking about having kids. I remember chatting with him a great deal since he spent a lot of time in our home during my mother's illness...much more time than was necessary, I remembered now...treating my mom, comforting my dad, and entertaining me.

I remembered him carrying me away from my mother that fateful morning...the morning she had died and Carlisle had pried me out of her strangely cold and stiff arms after we had fallen asleep together. Well, I had fallen asleep; my mother had died peacefully in her sleep, her lips smiling slightly as if she were happy, her arms wrapped around me in death as in life.

I shivered in my seat as I remembered these events, my gaze fixed but unfocused on the bus window, wondering what was familiar about my mother's arms that night long ago and Carlisle's arms last night at the hospital. There was something important about the similarities between their embraces, but I couldn't figure it out, no matter how long I wracked my memory the rest of the way to school.

Oh, well...I must be imagining things, I scolded myself.

At last the school bus rumbled up in front of Forks High. I disembarked along with the rest of the students, no one speaking to me, thankfully.

I felt invisible, and that's just the way I liked it.

After picking up my permanent lunch card for the month from Mrs. Cope at the office and promising to destroy the temporary one she'd given me after school yesterday, I ambled toward the English building to get books from my locker. I realized with a start that I hadn't done any homework last night; all of the ER drama and everything had driven it right out of my mind.

Excellent. What a way to start my high school career, I moaned to myself.

My hands were shaking with anxiety over the missing assignments so much that it took me three attempts to open my locker. First I spied the temporary lunch card, crumpled it, and tossed it into trash barrel at the corner of the building, only two feet from my locker. That will be handy, having a trash can right here, I thought.

I checked my backpack, removing the chem book and adding my calc, Spanish, and history books to my English book, sighing at the thought of my unfinished English assignment. At least it was _Macbeth_ which I had read on my own but had not studied in depth in a classroom.

The clanging bell interrupted my musings over one of my favorite works of literature, so, closing my locker, I walked around the corner of the building and entered the English classroom.

Angela was sitting in the same seat as yesterday, and she waved at me, smiling. I quickly crossed the room, fortunately without tripping, and slid into the seat beside her.

And of course I noticed immediately the absence of both Alice and Edward Cullen; their seats directly behind mine and Angela's were empty.

Maybe they were running late.

But class soon began, and no Cullens arrived, late or otherwise.

I wasn't sure if I felt slightly annoyed or quite relieved.

However, we were given a pop quiz on Act I of _Macbeth_, (I easily detected Mike Newton's groan at Mr. Mason's announcement of the quiz), and despite my neglect of all homework last night, I was able to answer all of the questions. I felt fairly sure that they were correct as well; I smiled softly as I passed my quiz forward at the end of ten minutes.

As soon as the quizzes were collected, Mr. Mason launched into a lecture/discussion of the first act of _Macbeth_, and I listened with rapt attention. I loved Shakespeare, and Mr. Mason obviously did as well. His enthusiasm and knowledge of the subject drew me in, and I scribbled notes as quickly as I could, thrilled with the insights and information I was garnering.

School _was_cool, after all, I thought.

As the bell rang, I started gathering my book and notebook, stowing my pen and flexing my hand which ached from taking such enthusiastic notes. I straightened, ready to pull my backpack into place over my shoulder, and I jumped a little at seeing Mike Newton and another student at his elbow. The other guy was slightly familiar, with greasy black hair and a rather bad complexion, but a cheerful smile lit his face as he spoke.

"Isabella?" he asked, excitedly. "Is that you?"

I stared at him for a moment, trying to place him in my memories, and suddenly it came to me.

"Eric?" I asked, surprised but not unpleasantly so.

His smile widened. "It's so wonderful to see you again," he enthused. "Gosh, it had to be in what? Fifth grade? When you left, that is..." his voice trailed off awkwardly when he remembered the reason why I had left school: the death of my father.

I nodded, smiling slightly. Eric seemed just as nice and genuine as I had remembered him all those years ago.

"Wow, so you're back now, right? That's so cool. And I was thinking that maybe on Friday night, you know—"

"We've gotta go now," Mike interrupted Eric rudely, suddenly impatient. "Nice seeing you Isabella, Angela." Mike grinned in a grimacing sort of way as he grabbed Eric's upper arm and marched him out of the room before poor Eric could speak another word.

I turned to Angela. "What was that all about?" I asked, bewildered.

"That," my friend smiled sweetly, "was a prime example of male jealousy, Bella. Come on. We don't want to be late for our next classes," Angela said as she pulled gently at my sleeve and led me toward to door.

I shook my head in bewilderment. Boys. They were very strange creatures...

I made it through calculus, a class that I shared only with Eric Yorkie, but he was assigned to the front of the class while the teacher had seated me on the far side under the window. Fortunately Mrs. Carlson did the homework on the whiteboard for us, so I copied it down as she worked the problems, understanding almost nothing but making an effort. Perhaps when I sat down with it tonight, I could make figure out what the heck was going on. Right now, she might as well have been speaking Tagalog for all the good her explanations were doing me.

Of course, as soon as class ended, Eric was at my elbow, offering to walk me to my next class. I shrugged in permission, not sure how I felt about the chivalric gesture. At least he didn't offer to carry my books, or I might have had to use my backpack as a weapon of mass destruction.

I noticed the smile of triumph that lit Eric's face as his eyes met Mike's at the door to Spanish. Eric turned to me, wishing me a good class, then, with one last smug smile at Mike, disappeared down the hallway to his own class.

I hurried to my seat, hoping to escape Mike's attentions, but he met me at my seat, sliding backward into the seat in front of me so that he faced me and chatting about basketball (which also went flying over my head; I was hopelessly inept at sports); I nodded politely throughout his excessively dull monologue until Senora Goff told him to take his usual seat.

As he went back to sit beside Jessica, I caught the evil eye she gave me over her shoulder. If only she knew that she was more than welcome to Mike. Ugh. Soooo boring.

And somehow he seemed to view himself as a major player. I just found him majorly dull. I hoped that Jessica got into it with him and forced him to stay at her side during every possible moment of school. Her jealousy might end up becoming my saving grace.

_Please,__God.__Please..._

Of course, throughout the day I overheard whispers about the Cullens being gone. Apparently they often went hiking on sunny days, but the fact that they were missing a normal, drizzly day was headline news. I stored away that fact in my ever-increasing dossier on the Cullen family.

As lunchtime approached, I felt more and more anxious about entering that loud, noisy, crazy cafeteria. When Angela and I rose and gathered our things after a long history lecture on slavery in the South before the Civil War, I drew close to her to ask her a favor.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" I asked quietly.

Angela nodded kindly. "Sure, Bella. What is it?"

I pulled her around a corner, away from the cafeteria where the other students were headed. Taking a deep breath to calm my nerves, I whispered, "I don't know if I can go into that cafeteria, Angela. I've been homeschooled for so long that I'm just not used to crowds. I went to see a doctor about the panic attacks, and he gave me some medications, but they may take some time to take full effect. So, I can just stay on the bench outside the cafeteria if you want to go sit with your other friends."

Angela rolled her eyes dramatically. "Bella, really, it's fine. I totally understand. I hate all the noise and drama, too. Some couple is always having a huge fight in the middle of the room, screaming at each other and throwing things. Then they make out like animals after they apologize. I'd much rather stay outside with you."

"Really?" I smiled. I couldn't help it; Angela was such a good friend.

"Really," she grinned back.

She even took my lunch card with her when she got in line, bringing me a turkey sandwich and a soda while I waited for her. I was grateful that the picnic bench we had commandeered was under a nearby awning and thus protected from the worst of the drizzle.

And because the bench was right outside the faculty staff room, no students had wanted to sit there until Angela and I gladly took it over.

"So," said Angela, swallowing a slice of pepperoni pizza, "How do you like living in La Push?"

I shrugged, taking another bite of the turkey sandwich; it was so incredibly delicious. And I wanted to avoid talking about the Blacks. No good could possibly come from that path of conversation.

"I went down to First Beach with Jessica and Lauren and a few others last week," she continued. "We saw a bunch of those Quileute boys, and they're absolutely _gigantic_! Have you seen them?" she asked curiously, then took another bite of pizza.

"Yeah, I've seen them," I said quietly, thinking of Jacob's incredible growth spurt over the past year. He looked like a monster now at over six-and-a-half feet tall and built like the Incredible Hulk. What happened to MY Jacob? The one who was brotherly and protective?

My expression must have clued Angela in, so she kindly and quickly changed the subject. We happily discussed our favorite classic novels for the remainder of the lunch break, arguing over the merits of a few, but mostly agreeing.

The rest of the day remained Cullen-free, and it was with a real sense of trepidation that I boarded the school bus that would take me back to La Push. I had been incredibly lucky to escape the wrath of both Billy and Jacob last night, but I was pretty darn sure that I wouldn't be as fortunate when I returned to their house in just a few moments...

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter. But because it's Cullen-free, so I know it may not be a favorite, but don't worry; they won't be gone long. I promise! **

**Please do review—I always love hearing what you think about each chapter, and the mysteries are beginning to pile thickly around poor Bella. What do YOU think could happen? ;) **

**I respond to almost every review, so please do share your thoughts. **

**I don't know if I've ever given rec's in my A/N's, but I have to mention a few amazing ones:**

"**Serenity's Prayer" by ladylibre is just getting started, and it's ***amazing***! She's a longtime reader and commenter, and she writes beautifully and has a beautiful soul, too. There's such depth to this story; you'll love it! :)**

"**My Guardian Destroyer" by NataliaMazaur is about eight chapters in, and is written by a teen prodigy. I'm her beta (because I begged her to let me), and she is incredible! Such depth of insight and excellent character development—you won't want to miss this one! :)**

"**In Your World" by solostintwilight is just finishing, with a few outtakes to come, but the main story line is just now complete. It's ***beautiful***! With my dad growing up in Amish country, I've always been drawn to their simple lives and love of God and family, and Amish-ward is incredible. It's one of my Top Two fics EVER. Go read it of you haven't already. :)**

**Enjoy, everyone! **

**-Cassandra :) **


	19. Chapter 18

_**A little late and not as long as previous chapters, but better than never, LOL! **_

**Chapter 18**

As the school bus rolled up to the end of the Blacks' driveway, I reluctantly made my way forward to the doors, smiled a quick goodbye at the grandmotherly driver, and stepped down from the bus...right into a deep puddle of muddy water that completely covered my boots to my ankles.

"Fabulous," I muttered as the bus doors closed behind me, the bus pulling back onto the asphalt and lumbering on down the road to drop off other students at their homes after school.

Great. If my now soaked feet, despite the water-resistant boots (obviously not water-proof since I could already feel how soppy my socks became within mere seconds), were any indication, the rest of my day was going to suck.

_Royally._

Adjusting my backpack more securely onto my right shoulder, I began the far-too-damp trek down the Blacks' very long driveway, attempting to avoid the additional mud puddles that nestled into every low point of the well-rutted dirt road.

With each step, I felt the frigid puddle-water squish between my nearly-frozen toes.

_Gross._

I hated cold, wet feet with a passion; in fact, there were very few items lower on my list of least-favorite things than my present condition. Cold, wet feet made me feel cold and wet all over my entire body, and as I stepped carefully around additional puddles, I shuddered in my jacket, my teeth nearly chattering.

Maybe being stuck in my room for all these years possessed a tiny bright side: at least my feet were not frozen due to rampant puddle-exposure resulting in disgusting soppy, squishy socks.

The insistent drizzle continued, so I hunched over as I made my slow way toward the house, keeping my hood up and my head down as I skirted puddle after blasted puddle.

What was with that frickin' e.e. cummings, the poet who coined the term "puddle-wonderful"? Ugh...he had to be demented. But then, anyone who refused to properly capitalize and punctuate his poetry was pretty darn annoying, anyway. Bet his English teachers loooooved him...

Puddles weren't wonderful or cute. Nope. Puddles were a curse, pure and simple.

As I neared the house, I glanced up through the ever-present drizzle and, with a gasp of surprise, stopped dead in my tracks.

Jacob's beat-up truck was parked in front of the house.

_Damn._

And the dreaded sound of voices raised in anger wafted through the gray drizzle toward me.

_Double__damn._

I stood there for a minute, weighing my options. I could run away, perhaps join the circus as "Isabella, the Girl with the Worst Luck in the World." Or as "Isabella, the Girl with the Squishiest Socks on the Face of the Frickin' Planet."

Or I could trudge forward, take my dues, and keep on surviving as best I could.

_Stellar__choices._I groaned quietly to myself as I let my mind run through a few possibilities.

Exactly why the hell hadn't I taken Mrs. Jane and Carlisle up on their offer to get me the hell outta here?

Oh, yeah. Because I'm an idiot who thinks she sees something in my former brother-and-best-friend and foolishly thinks she can save him. From what, I haven't a clue. From Billy? Definitely. From himself? Maybe.

Sighing, I did the only thing I could do.

Swallowing my fear with a very audible gulp, I started walking toward the house, hoping and praying for the best.

But knowing that I was pretty much screwed.

I should have known that not seeing anyone last night or this morning was way too good to last.

_After__all,__my__bad__luck__was__legendary._

With each tentative step, a little voice in my head muttered, _"__Idiot...Idiot...Idiot...Idiot...__"_

If I were smart, I told myself, I should be running...in the opposite direction. Yep, I should be scampering as far away from the Blacks as humanly possible.

'Cause that's what smart people did: they avoided danger.

But I'm an idiot, so of course I keep going forward. Just like those stupid chicks in the horror flicks Jacob used to watch with me. You know, those pretty but altogether brainless girls who couldn't resist going into the basement ALONE, armed with a baseball bat, to check out the noise they thought they heard...the noise that usually proved to be the psychotic killer.

_And__then__they__died._

Even without a useless baseball bat for protection, I knew that entering the Blacks' house at this time was the wrong thing to do. But, like the stupid girls, I just couldn't seem to help myself.

_Do__I__have__a__death__wish__or__something?_

_ Nah, I'm just an idiot._

_ Or perhaps I just felt a little too cocky after experiencing the outside world and making friends there. Life couldn't return to the way it had been, right? _

Despite my hands trembling along the battered railing, I tiptoed up the rickety porch steps, ignoring the plywood ramp that Jacob had built six years ago for Billy's use when he first came home from the hospital in the wheelchair.

Once I reached the closed front door, I paused.

The angry voices were louder now...and much, much clearer.

I shivered, fear gripping my stomach in a vise as I was finally able to distinguish individual words and phrases.

"She's going to find out sooner or later, Dad! We may as well tell her!" Jacob was insistent, his voice raised in apparent frustration.

_Was__he__talking__about__me?_

"No," replied a calmer, deeper voice. Billy's voice. "That is not going to happen. She can never know. We can tell her _nothing_, Jacob, _NOTHING_! Especially now that outsiders are starting to interfere. As soon as I can locate whoever it was that even _thought_ of reporting me to CPS in the first place, I am going to make them sorry for years to come. And that damn CPS worker, she's the one who started this entire catastrophe," Billy growled, his voice menacing.

Jacob towered over his dad, waving his arms. "No way! This whole thing started because of YOU, Dad! YOU were the one who insisted on not telling her anything when she's living under our damn roof! So you just decide to lock her up and hope to God she doesn't notice anything? Brilliant, Dad, really brilliant." Jacob's voice was scathing in its sarcasm. "But Bella's smart. She has to know that something is wrong after what happened yesterday. Especially after meeting _them_..." His voice trailed off after accenting his final word in an odd way that I couldn't quite understand.

Billy was obviously seething as he barked back at Jacob, "I could kill that Jane bitch for taking her to the hospital in the first place. The very last place on earth she should have gone! Now they're going to tell her everything. I know Cullen; he thinks he's so honorable. He'll tell her everything and call it 'protecting Isabella.' Well, fuck him! She is NEVER going to see another Cullen ever again, so help me God!"

I took a step back, seriously considering running away at this point, preferably straight to Carlisle. But as I moved my foot back another step, my boot slipped on the slick boards of the porch and I lost my balance, falling noisily into a tangled heap.

The front door was violently flung open, and before I could move an inch, Jacob was towering over me.

"What the fuck did you hear?" he challenged me, his black eyes cold and full of meaning. Leaning down, he grabbed my upper arm and dragged me across the porch, through the front door, and into the house, slamming the door shut behind me with such force that the glass in the door shattered.

I could feel each of his fingers sinking into the skin and muscles of my upper arm, my already-bruised shoulder, thanks to Jacob's push yesterday morning, bearing my weight. I cried out in pain, still half-walking, half-falling as he tossed me into a heap at Billy's feet.

"Since when do you have the right to listen at doors, Isabella?" Billy challenged, mocking me with the use of my full name.

The only adult I know well who has called me "Isabella" recently was...Carlisle.

Billy's eyes were knowing, as if he had deliberately used my name to see my reaction. And my wide-eyed surprise, rather than the annoyance I usually responded with, seemed to confirm something for him as he nodded sagely to himself.

Immediately my mind flashed to the strange occurrences of last night and today. What had been going on while the house was empty last night and this morning? Why were the Cullens absent from school today? Were these two strange disappearances connected somehow?

How well did Billy know the Cullens and vice-versa? The barely restrained antagonism demonstrated by both Carlisle and Billy during that tense phone call last night flashed through my mind.

Something was going on. And I had no clue what it was. But it was important. Very important.

_And__somehow__I__was__stuck__in__the__middle__of__it__all._

Suddenly pain coursed through my scalp; it took me a moment to realize that Billy had leaned over in his wheelchair and grabbed me viciously by my hair. I screamed in pain as he mercilessly pulled me toward him by my hair until we were face-to-face.

His expression was furious as he glared at me, his face inches from mine.

I was shaking, both from the pain and from debilitating fear.

His hot breath in my face, Billy growled, "What the fuck did I just say, Isabella?"

I tried to look at him through tears of pain, but his face was blurry. I opened my mouth to attempt an answer, but my throat was choked with phlegm from my involuntary sobs. I couldn't remember what he had said anyway; everything I knew was wiped from my mind by the searing pain in my head. The room spun wildly around me, and I felt my body begin to go limp.

But Billy would not let up on me.

He shook me gain by my hair while demanding, "Why are you listening at doors? Did that Jane-bitch tell you to spy on us? Did she? Did she?" He shook me with each question, and I felt like a rag doll...only in excruciating pain.

I gasped out, "No" as best I could despite his iron grip around a fistful of my long hair.

Suddenly Billy released me, and I tumbled to the floor next to the large side wheel of his chair, gasping for air and cringing at the throbbing pain throughout the top of my head.

I lay there at Billy's feet, the room spinning around me in a sickening whirling motion.

"Lock her in her room, Jacob," Billy ordered softly. "We have some planning to do."

Jacob leaned over me, then grabbed me by the upper arm again, and I sobbed uncontrollably as his strong fingers circled and re-injured the already-bruised flesh. Again he practically dragged me across the room and down the hall, finally flinging me into my bedroom.

I landed on the hand wooden floor, bruised and in severe pain. The familiar walls of my room spun around me, and I felt nauseated. Swallowing down the bile burning in my throat, I tried to gather the scattered forces of my mind.

_So__much__had__happened__so__fast._

Then I heard soft, malicious laughter. I turned my head toward the door to see Jacob leaning into the room lit only by the window on the far wall. He smiled malevolently as he spoke slowly, as if to a child, "I wouldn't count on getting out of this room for a very long time, Isabella." The delicate menace of his words frightened me far more than any yelling or cursing ever could.

My door closed quietly, but the click of the outside doorknob lock, the one they had counted on Mrs. Jane not noticing, seemed to echo loudly through my now-silent bedroom.

This lock wasn't as strong as the deadbolt that used to lock me in my room, but it was enough to keep me trapped in here if someone remained at home to watch me.

And I had a sinking feeling that they would never leave me alone again. Ever.

But then I remembered another change made to my room, and I raised my head to looked at the window which was once covered with plywood but now consisted of mere glass. Wondering if I could fit through the window if I managed to break it without anyone hearing me, I realized that although it would be a tight fit, I was pretty small and very thin.

_I__could__probably__make__it__the__window__and__get__help._

With that slim hope empowering my bruised and battered body, I crawled across my bedroom floor until I reached my bed. Carefully I pulled myself up and onto the ancient mattress, curling into a ball on my side with a sigh.

So I would wait until tonight, until Billy and Jacob were sound asleep, and I would break the glass, crawl out the window, and make a run for it.

I refused to consider the fact that my recent injuries would probably slow me down.

But if the last few days in the outside world had taught me anything, it was this fact: I was strong enough to survive outside of the reservation, and I now had friends who cared about me: Mrs. Jane, Angela, and Carlisle.

And above all else, I knew one thing: I was not going to allow myself to be trapped in this room for weeks, months, or years ever again.

No. Never, never again.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

After falling asleep on my bed despite my throbbing head and the painful ache in my upper arm, I awoke to a sharp banging sound that echoed in my ears. I sat up quickly only to hear the loud bang again, then again.

I blinked into the unaccustomed brightness. The only light in the room besides the window, the overhead light, which consisted of a bare bulb hanging from the center of the ceiling, had been switched on, and Jacob stood under the night-darkened window, hammer in hand, nailing plywood over the window. Again.

He didn't look at me while he worked, driving nail after nail into the plaster around the window until even I conceded that there was no hope of my ever prying the plywood off.

_There__went__my__bright__idea__for__escaping__tonight._

Jacob turned away from the now-boarded window and started walking slowly toward the door, then changed direction and came toward me. Adrenaline coursed through me, making me shake with fear as I held my breath.

Then Jacob paused, hammer in hand, standing over the small twin bed where I still lay, trembling now.

My eyes, huge with fright, remained focused on that hammer.

_The__hammer._ What was he going to do with it? I mean, that hammer is a lethal weapon.

By striking me in the head, Jacob could kill me with that hammer just as easily as he could end my life with a knife or a gun.

After all, his physical strength in the Quileute tribe was legendary.

And the cold glint in his eye was pure evil.

I couldn't stop the shudder of fear from racing through my body; I shook from my head to my toes with absolute fright.

And Jacob smiled at me. The smile was the most terrifying expression I had ever seen on any face; it was menacing and arrogant...and it delighted in my fear.

Then he swung the hammer up over his head. Instinctively I ducked low on my bed, throwing my arms over my head to protect myself as best I could.

Despite scrunching my eyes shut as I waited for my impending death, I could still see red light through my eyelids from the single unshaded bulb on my ceiling.

The room was silent except for our breathing, mine shallow and rapid with fear, his calm with determination.

I waited, shaking uncontrollably, for the pain that I knew was coming.

_I__just__hoped__that__death__didn't__hurt__too__much._

A loud noise splintered the near-silence. Startled, I gasped as glass shattered into thousands of shards above my head. Small, light but extremely sharp slivers rained down upon my arms, my back, and my head at the same time that sudden darkness veiled my room.

I was afraid to move, lest the splinters of glass covering me caused further injuries; I was almost afraid to breathe.

Then I heard Jacob's footsteps crunching and grinding broken glass into the wooden floor as he strode to the open bedroom door into the hallway, slamming my door shut behind him so loudly that I jumped slightly.

Raising my head carefully, I couldn't tell if I was bleeding from the explosion of glass that had showered over me because of the blackness that surrounded me, entrapped me.

With a deafening click, Jacob locked the bedroom door behind him, leaving me in complete and utter darkness.

His soft laughter floated down the hall to my ears, seared into my mind as I lay there perfectly still, too scared to move lest I cut myself further on the scattered shards of broken glass that covered the floor, covered my bed, covered my body...

**Thank you so much for reading! I sooooo appreciate it! **

**And special "thank you"s go out to those who reviewed over the last few chapters! Many thanks, my friends! You have no idea how thrilled I am to receive each little note from you! Each little missive makes my day! :)**

**I may not post this weekend because of Christmas; we'll see. Perhaps a very short chapter. I have 17 people coming for dinner on Christmas Eve from my husband's side of the family, plus we're preparing to go to my parents' mountain cabin for Christmas Dinner where there will be about the same number of people from my side of the family. **

**Good news? We'll probably have a "White Christmas" at the cabin! Bad news? I probably won't have much time (if any) to write between now and Christmas because we need to clean the house and prepare the food, etc., etc. **

**So if I do not see you before Saturday and Sunday, I wish you all a very _Merry__Christmas!_ And for you Christians out there, _Happy__Birthday,__Jesus!_ **

**And then the Twelve Days of celebrating Christmastide begin... :)**

**Love to you all,**

**Cassandra :)**


	20. Chapter 19

_**I hope that the longest chapter yet (over 4,000 words—practically a double-chapter with some REAL ANSWERS to some nagging questions) will make up for my not posting over the Christmas weekend...**_

_**ENJOY!**_

**Chapter 19**

I didn't sleep all night. I was too afraid to move for fear of being cut by the shards of glass that covered my body, my bed, and the floor. As Jacob raised the hammer over his head, I had balled up on my bed in self-defense, my back rounded toward him turtle-style, my knees beneath my stomach, my hands clasped over my head.

So that's how I stayed...

_All. _

_ Night. _

_ Long. _

As I had no source of light in my room, I couldn't measure the passing of time accurately. I ascertained the pitch-blackness of my room by carefully turning my head to one side and slowly opening one eye.

I could see nothing.

_Nothing._

So the only way I could guess at the passage of time was by the growing pressure in my very full bladder, the growling of my empty stomach, and the ache in the limbs folded under my body which had "fallen asleep" a very long time ago.

Due to my aching joints and numb arms and legs, I seriously doubted I would be able to walk in the morning.

But while my body remained still, my mind spun in sickening circles with wayward thoughts. Faces kept coming to mind...faces that would show their worried concern if I didn't arrive at school in the morning...

Angela's sweet, gentle face, anxiously peering at me.

Alice's lovely face, pixie-like and animated.

Mike's face, annoyed at some times, flirtatious at others.

Even Edward Cullen's face came to mind a few times, beautiful but set in angry lines.

Then Mrs. Jane's face, furious and worried.

And finally Carlisle's face, his brow furrowed with concern...

Would they come looking for me? Or would Billy and Jacob offer believable excuses that would prevent them from coming to find me?

My heart stuttered as I finally thought the question I had been avoiding since Jacob slammed the door behind him, leaving me in shattered darkness:

_Would I be trapped in this room forever?_

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

At long last I must have fallen into a light doze despite the pain in my limbs and bladder, for the slamming open of my door against the wall awakened me with a jolt.

Carefully I twisted my head to the side again, slowly opening one eye to see what caused the loud noise.

A beam of pale light streamed into my room from the hallway, a tall, familiar figure silhouetted in the doorway.

"Get the hell out of bed," Jacob ordered coldly.

But I couldn't move...not without injuring myself.

"I-I-I-I can't," I whispered through my mostly-closed mouth as I could feel glass shards sharp against my lips, my face.

"Well, if you want to use the bathroom before I leave for school, you'd better move your ass," he replied, unimpressed by my predicament.

"The gl-gl-glass," I moaned. "I d-d-don't want to get c-c-c-cut."

"Well, I'm not standing here all frickin' day," he complained. "Either go now and take your chances or wait until I get home from school."

He wasn't leaving me much of a choice; my full bladder demanded immediate action or I would end up with a soaked bed beneath me.

I slowly began to unfold my very stiff limbs, groaning in pain as the circulation began to return to my arms and legs.

"Hurry the hell up! You're going to make me late," Jacob demanded, his arms folded over his chest as he leaned against the door frame.

I glared at him, in too much pain to care if I angered him. As I finally stood shakily, my arms and legs screaming with pins and needles after so many hours of being beneath the weight of my torso, I tried to pick a few shards of glass from my shoulder and arms.

On my first attempt, my index finger skewered itself on a sharp fragment of glass.

"Damn," I muttered, pulling the pointed shard out of my finger while holding my breath. The smell of blood, coppery and salty, either made me vomit or pass out cold, neither of which was a good option when one is surrounded by miniscule shards of glass.

Jacob sighed dramatically. "God, you're going to make me totally late for class. And I don't want you tracking glass all over the fucking house," he growled.

I was too mad at this point to cower as usual. "Well, then, you're just going to have to wait since this glass mess is your fault," I stated, throwing him a glower.

Jacob sucked in a breath, apparently shocked by my retort, then frowned, his face darkening with controlled rage.

"Well, Miss Bitch, you'd better get moving, or I'll escort you myself, glass or no glass. And believe me, you do NOT want that to happen."

Although his threat sent a shiver of dread down my spine, I ignored him and continued picking the shards of glass out of my hair, off my shoulders, from my forearms.

Because of the dim light from the open door, I wasn't doing a very good job because some of the slivers were practically microscopic, even poking my skin through my hoodie. As I picked at the shards, several sliced my fingers, causing more pain and more blood.

As I couldn't hold my breath for very long, I was forced to breathe through my mouth only, but I could still detect the insidious scent of blood that made my stomach lurch and my head swirl with dizziness.

"Shit," I heard Jacob mutter as I staggered, grabbing for the bedpost as the walls spun around me. I couldn't see his face as he was silhouetted against the light as he crossed the room, grasped my upper arm none too gently, and dragged me to the doorway of my room where the light was better. I wasn't expecting his quick movement as he grabbed my shoulders and spun me around, my back facing him. My hands flew out to brace myself against the door frame on either side of me to avoid losing my precarious balance. Then I swallowed my shock as I felt Jacob's huge fingers begin the delicate task of plucking pieces of glass from my back where I couldn't see or reach the shards.

It was crazy how much glass scattered everywhere just from one stinking light bulb.

I felt Jacob's hot fingers moving across my shoulders, through my long hair, down my back. I stood there, carefully braced and almost afraid to breathe...not just because of the blood that still oozed from my fingers but because I wasn't sure why Jacob was helping me.

What was in it for him? A quicker escape to school? A way of torturing me further? Or a true kindness?

My mind spun with dizziness...and with possibilities.

Finally he finished. "You can turn around now," he ordered brusquely.

I turned around toward him, and his face was again set in the familiar hard expression that I knew all too well from the past year. Part of me wanted to cry; his kindness in removing the glass splinters had given me a sliver of hope...a hope that maybe he didn't hate me as much as he usually did, perhaps even a sign that he was sorry for shattering the bulb over me last night.

But as my eyes searched his face, my hopes plummeted. His expression was inexorable; there was nothing that could support the hope that had sprung up in my mind and heart.

Tears came, and I couldn't help it; I was truly grateful for his help. Without thinking, I reached out, placing my hand on his forearm as I whispered, "Thank you, Jake."

Then I saw it. It happened in the merest split-second, but I saw it...

_Agony. _

_ Regret. _

_ Self-hatred. _

Jacob's eyes betrayed a deep pain beyond anything I had seen, even deeper than his and Billy's pain when Sarah Black had been killed...when I had killed her.

All too quickly, the vulnerable pain was gone from Jacob's black eyes, and the hardness returned...tenfold...as he shook off my hand. "You have two minutes to use the bathroom," he snarled at me, turning his back and striding away toward his room.

I stood there in the hallway for a second, bemused by the events that had happened so quickly...and especially by the revelation in Jacob's eyes.

Pausing at his bedroom door, he looked over his shoulder and saw me standing there, open-mouthed like an idiot, and his lips folded into a cruel line.

"Go!" he yelled, moving toward me quickly and grabbing my forearm to propel me toward the bathroom, flinging my uninjured shoulder into the bathroom door frame.

As I pushed my way into the bathroom, closing the door behind me, tears filled my eyes and a muffled sob escaped my chest, partly a result of the physical pain of my newest bruises, but more from the emotional pain of Jacob's unexpected cruelty.

Why did he hate me so much? Why was he pushing me away despite that split-second of agonized vulnerability? Why had he practically defended me to Billy yesterday afternoon while I eavesdropped on their conversation from the porch yet terrorized me in my room last night, forcing me to remain covered with glass in pitch darkness all night?

I stumbled to the toilet, grateful for the chance to relieve myself although it took me a few moments to be able to pee with such a full bladder. Afterward, I washed my hands, wincing as the cold water hit the many cuts and scrapes from the glass and examining the dozen or so shallow cuts on my face in the mirror as I carefully brushed my teeth. Fortunately, the facial cuts were already mostly scabbed over from the shower of glass last night, but when added to the yellowed bruises on my chin and cheek from earlier in the week, I looked pretty awful. Makeup wouldn't help me much with the cuts. I wondered what I would do to cover them for school today.

_If I was going to school today, that is..._

CarefullyI opened the bathroom door and saw no one. I stood there, undecided. Should I go into my room and change for school? Should I go back into the bathroom and try to mask my bruises and cuts with makeup in preparation for school? Or should I approach the kitchen and see if I could get some breakfast? After missing dinner last night, I was starving; my stomach ached with emptiness.

Allowing the insistent hunger to make up my mind, I took a few steps toward the kitchen, only to stop in my tracks as Jacob appeared with a plastic tray in hand.

I knew that tray. Too well.

That was the tray they always fed me from when they locked me in my room for days at a time.

My heart dropped into my sneakers as all hope shattered more thoroughly than the light bulb last night.

Looking up from the food he balanced on the tray, Jacob saw me standing there in the hallway. His bushy black eyebrows rushed together in an epic frown as he growled, "Get back in your room!"

I hurried ahead of him into my room, retreating to the far corner near the boarded window to get as far away from him as possible, glass crunching beneath the boots I still wore from yesterday as Jacob wordlessly placed the tray on my bed.

Then I noticed it. While I had been in the bathroom, a new bulb had replaced the the broken one, and 60 watts of light shimmered across my room, making the glass shards scattered across my bed and the floor sparkle almost prettily.

But Jacob said nothing of the new bulb as he disappeared for a moment, then returned with a battered broom and dustpan. "Clean up this crap when you're done," he said evenly, his eyes blank. "I'm leaving for school."

Taking a deep breath, I decided to push my luck. After all, what did I have to lose...besides my life? "When can I go back to school?" I asked, my attempt at defiance crippled by the obvious fear in my voice.

He approached me quickly, pinning me in the corner with his huge body, all muscles and brawn. Reaching toward me, he tipped my chin up with his index finger, none too gently, his finger hot against my cool face as he spoke slowly and distinctly, "When are you going back to that fucking school? I can answer that, Bella. You'll go back when there isn't a single fucking Cullen there. If then."

Jacob turned on his heel and left my room, not looking back as he ground the broken glass into the wooden floorboards. He slammed my door shut behind him, the light bulb hanging from its cord swinging crazily from the ceiling.

I remained unmoving, almost cowering in the corner of the room as my mind attempted to make sense of Jacob's words.

My current captivity was somehow all about the Cullens? What part did they play is this macabre soap opera that was my life?

Dizzy with confusion and hunger, I finally stumbled to my bed where Jacob had set the food tray, standing with one hand supporting myself on the bedpost (as I couldn't sit anywhere because of the glass shards still scattered across my bed, the floor, everywhere) as I gulped the banana and granola bar, barely taking time to chew properly and washing it down with the small glass of milk. I smiled ironically to myself as I recalled that this was practically the same breakfast I had grabbed yesterday before leaving for school.

Despite the meal, I was still hungry when I finished the food, but hunger wasn't a major issue right now. I stood and walked to the wall where Jacob had propped the bedraggled broom and began carefully sweeping the glass shards off my bed and onto the floor, then swept the floor three times to get all the pieces of glass possible. There was a lot of glass near the doorway where Jacob had removed the shards from my back. The dustpan was cracked, so sweeping up the glass and depositing the pieces in the wastepaper basket in the far corner of my room wasn't a simple task.

At least with the light bulb replaced, I could see...which meant good things.

My backpack, now glass-free, was leaning against my bed, and frantically I opened it, delighted to find almost all of my textbooks inside. I was excited; after all, now I could continue learning on my own for a good while with these books at my disposal.

The only book missing was my school copy of _Macbeth,_ but fortunately I possessed an inexpensive copy of _Shakespeare's Complete Works_, compliments of Jacob who had presented it to me on my thirteenth birthday. It was a hefty tome with tiny print, but I had read all of the plays at least once, and my favorite works were nearly memorized from constant perusal.

For a moment I was transported back to that birthday nearly five years ago...

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

The loss of Sarah Black was still a fresh pain for all of us, and Billy had been drinking himself to the point of passing out nearly every night after dinner. Then the two girls left the house to hang out with friends, taking full advantage of the freedom from their usually strict father; they often came home smelling of bourbon, sweet weed, and sex. Rachel and Rebecca, my beloved big sisters who had always watched out for me, were far too caught up in their now-exciting social lives to care that Billy locked me in my room indefinitely as punishment for killing their mother...a punishment they coldly assured me that I fully deserved.

So Jacob hauled his slumped and mumbling father back to his room in the wheelchair and assisted him into bed where he snored away his grief in an alcoholic daze. After the girls left the house in their too-short skirts and too-high heels, Jake would often let me out of my room to watch TV together on the small loveseat. Sometimes I would read while he did homework.

No one had said anything about my birthday all day, and I really didn't care; I didn't deserve a celebration, anyway, and I knew it. But Jacob had been walking around all afternoon with a cat-who-just-ate-the-canary look in his eyes. From behind my deadbolted door, I listened as he helped his intoxicated father to bed, and as Billy's bedroom door clicked closed, Jacob appeared in my room smiling widely. He beckoned, and I hopped off my naked mattress and eagerly followed him into the living room.

Jacob served me half a frozen-but-reheated chicken pot pie for dinner and a shiny red apple...a feast compared to my usual fare. Then his wide grin widened even more, and his black eyes, encircled with dark rings of sleepless nights, sparkled mischievously as I wondered what he was up to.

"Wait here," Jacob ordered excitedly. "And close your eyes."

Obediently I masked my eyes with both hands as I heard him rustling about the room. Then just as the curiosity was really getting to me, I heard a whisking sound and smelled the faint sulfur of a lit match.

"Okay, you can look!" he exclaimed.

Lowering my hands, I opened my eyes to see in his large hands a bakery cupcake topped with pink icing and a single lit candle nestled carefully on one of Sarah Black's treasured china plates. Walking carefully forward to keep the candle lit, he laid the plate gently on the coffee table in front of me. Beside it was a large box, wrapped messily in pink tissue paper...and half a roll of Scotch tape. A large silver bow sat crookedly on top of the gift...my only gift.

"Happy Birthday, Bella!" Jacob crowed.

I remember feeling the pressure of tears in my eyes as I took in the lit candle swaying in the movement of air as Jacob plopped beside me onto the loveseat, the inexpertly-wrapped gift, but most of all, the beaming face of Jacob Black, his black eyes dancing with merriment and joy, expressions I hadn't seen on his face since his mother's death.

Leaning over, he grasped the edge of the china plate and brought the cupcake and burning candle between us in the soft half-light of the small room. "Make a wish," he ordered gently, smiling.

But I sobered. I knew which wish I would make, if turning back the clock were truly possible. If the last year had never happened. If I could change that one night...the night when I had killed Sarah Black, the woman whom everyone loved and adored.

The woman whom I loved and adored.

The woman who became my mother after my mother died.

If I could have switched places with her, if I could be dead in her place so that she could be alive for Billy and Jacob and the girls, I would do it without a second thought.

Billy blamed me, and rightly so. As did Rachel and Rebecca. But Jacob, loyal brother that he was, refused to let me think it was my fault...even though it was.

If it weren't for me, Sarah Black would not have been out on the road that night.

If it weren't for me, clumsily falling out of a tree at the Clearwaters' house while playing hide-and-seek with Leah and Seth, Sarah Black wouldn't have been driving at twilight, taking me to the reservation clinic to x-ray my injured wrist.

If I hadn't been stupid and careless and clumsy as usual, we wouldn't have been in that car, and that drunk driver would have hit someone else or no one else...and Sarah wouldn't have been killed instantly when we hit the tree.

And if I hadn't been the reason for Sarah driving, and if I hadn't walked away with a hairline fracture to my wrist (caused by my fall, not the accident) and a slight concussion, perhaps Billy and the girls wouldn't blame me for their beloved wife's and mother's death.

But none of these wishes were possible.

So as I closed my eyes, I wished desperately that Billy would stop blaming me for Aunt Sarah dying, that he would stop saying I was an angel of death who had caused my mom, my dad, and now his wife to die, and that he would stop drinking and forgive me.

I wished desperately that Rachel and Rebecca would stay home, stay safe, and forgive me.

And I blew out the candle, Jacob smiling at me, his white teeth brilliant in the twilight of the half-darkened room.

Then he thrust the heavy gift into my lap, laughing as I attempted to unwrap the awkward box. Finally I managed to remove the paper with his help, and he helped by slitting open the packing tape with his pocket knife, laughingly refusing to let me handle something so sharp, knowing my track record.

I pulled back the cardboard flaps to reveal a midnight-blue faux leather-bound book, the title embossed in gold print: _The Complete Works of William Shakespeare._ I had squealed with joy, jumping into Jacob's lap with delighted pleasure.

"Thank you! Thank you, Jacob! It's wonderful!" I enthused, wrapping my arms around his neck and hugging him close.

"Do you really like it?" he whispered in my ear.

"I _love_ it," I assured him, smiling.

I hadn't smiled in months, and it felt good.

With Jake smiling back at me, we sat there on the love seat, practically nose-to-nose, me sitting in Jacob's lap, my arms around his neck.

Our smiles faded a little as the energy between us became charged. I was thirteen, he was turning thirteen in a few months. We had always treated each other as brother and sister.

But something changed at that moment. His eyes fixed unblinkingly on mine, Jacob slowly leaned toward me, tilting his head to the side as his lips touched mine.

I didn't move as he kissed me tentatively, gently, his lips warm and sweet as they pressed against mine. Without conscious thought, my eyes closed, my arms tightened around his neck, and I was kissing him back, our mouths hesitantly moving together.

We both backed away at the same time, his black eyes glowing in the dimly-lit room.

"Happy Birthday, Bella," he smiled warmly.

I blushed, breathless and strangely pleased.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Returning to the present, I sighed as I pulled the Shakespeare book from my closet, placing it in the pile of textbooks on the floor beside my bed. I hauled my history book into my lap as I sat cross-legged on my bed, preparing to read the next chapter assigned. At least for as long as I would be exiled in my room, I could actually do school...real school, with textbooks and everything.

I flipped open my book to Chapter 2, the next assignment, and, propping my pillow against the wall behind my head, I settled in contentedly to study, my heart feeling lighter already with the possession of real books to study.

And the momentary lapse showing the vulnerability in Jacob's eyes buoyed my spirits, too. There was reason to hope, and I couldn't help feeling that despite being locked in my room again, I had made the right decision to return to the Blacks' house.

I sighed. This house used to be a true "home," my home, when Sarah was alive...but no more. It wasn't a home, and it definitely wasn't _my_ home. Now it was merely a house...four walls holding me prisoner.

But now I had something that I didn't have before. I had friends outside these four walls: Mrs. Jane, Angela, Carlisle. Perhaps Alice. And their friendship gave me strength and hope...and I also possessed hope for Jacob as well.

Hope. Hope was so important.

Hope was everything.

I smiled slightly as I turned the page of my history textbook, slowly becoming absorbed in the causes of the American Civil War.

**I hope that you all had a lovely Christmas! I sure did! There was nearly a foot of snow at my parents' mountain cabin for the kids and their cousins to play in on Christmas Day, so they had a blast sledding and making snow-squirrels (don't ask!). My middle son played guitar at the carols before the Candlelight Christmas Eve Mass at our Anglican Church, and we're very much enjoying celebrating all twelve days of Christmas!**

**So, Happy 4th Day of Christmas, all! **

**And please review and let me know what you thought of this chapter, okay? :) **

**Love you all,**

**Cassandra :) xxxooo**


	21. Chapter 20

_**Sorry for this being posted a day late—I hope you enjoy it!**_

**Chapter 20**

The rest of the week after I was unceremoniously returned to my bedroom full-time passed slowly as we fell back into our former routine. Jacob let me out for a few bathroom breaks each day and brought in a tray of food in the evenings; in the mornings he tossed me a granola bar and a water bottle for the day, sometimes a piece of fruit which I usually saved for lunch. Billy never bothered with feeding me lunch even though he was home most of the time.

I mean, how hard was it to make an extra pb&j sandwich and toss it to me?

Ridiculous.

After Jacob came home from school the first day I was back in my room, he installed another deadbolt that locked from the outside.

Perfect.

And, yes, I had considered trying to escape from my room during the day while Jacob was gone, but Billy whispered some pretty dire threats against the Cullens through the crack beside my door that made me tremble with fear. So I stayed put, afraid of what his tribal friends would do to Carlisle and even little Alice.

It wasn't pretty...

Part of me was furious with Billy for threatening Alice; she had done nothing except be a friend to me. Since when was _that_ a crime? And despite his strong reaction to Billy on the telephone in the ER, Carlisle struck me as a nonviolent person. But part of me was also frightened of Billy carrying out his threats, enough so that I didn't dare try to escape.

But I was used to this kind of treatment from Billy and Jacob, and in a way, I felt a little better being locked in my room. After all, I had destroyed this family: I had killed Sarah Black, the woman who loved me as her own and mothered her other three kids so lovingly; I had put Billy into a wheelchair as his grief over Sarah's death had spiraled his diabetes into a deadly cycle that necessitated drastic measures a year later, resulting in the amputation of his feet. And heartbroken over their mother's death and their father's disability, Rachel and Rebecca hated me so much that they left La Push, making no secret whom they blamed for the disintegration of their once close-knit family.

And while Jacob had been there for me over the years, he now frightened me with his cruelty one moment and shocked me with his surprising kindness the next. That familiar look in his eye...that gentle shine...bound me to him as I remembered his kindness toward me. Until a year or so ago.

What happened a year ago was so strange. I had been locked in my room as usual, and I could hear the then unfamiliar sounds of voices raised in anger as Jacob argued with his dad about going out with his friends late on a Friday night. Lately Jacob had been on such a sudden and incredible growth spurt; I swear that he had grown six inches in just three or four months. His physique completely changed from a slim, lanky teen to the powerful build of a grown man. If I didn't know Jacob better, I would have thought that he was doing steroids or something.

And Jacob seemed as clueless about his abnormal growth as I was...until _**that**_ night.

When their voices raised in anger during the first of many arguments to come, I had unabashedly listened at my door, trying to make out individual words so I could understand the source of their argument. Jacob had always been so easygoing; he went along with everyone as much as he could with only rare arguments with Billy, usually over his treatment of me. Jacob was a peacemaker.

_Until now. _

I could hear Jacob with no problem as his yells of protest echoed throughout the small house, mixed liberally with four-letter words, but Billy's lower, rumbling voice was almost impossible to distinguish. All I could make out was that whatever Billy had said had angered Jake beyond compare.

Then the front door slammed hard...so hard that I felt my bedroom wall shake. Billy had thrown the door open after Jacob had slammed it, and I heard Jacob yelling at his father that he was old enough to do as he pleased and that Billy couldn't lock Jacob up in the house the way he kept me trapped.

"But she has blood on her hands; she deserves it," hissed Billy, and Jacob responded, "You're the one with blood on your hands, Dad. You're the one keeping an innocent young girl jailed for an _accident_. It was an _accident_, Dad! And if you're going to blame anyone, then blame Sam Uley's dad since he was the one driving drunk! But noooooo. He's 'one of the tribe and we protect our own,' right, Dad? And 'he didn't mean to,' right?

I could almost see Jacob's air-quotes around the familiar words, words I had heard them argue about before...but never like this. Jacob had never been so angry; now he was standing in the front yard, practically screaming at his dad whose wheelchair was on the front porch. With the front door open and their voices raised like never before, I could now hear every single ugly word.

"So just keep on blaming the wrong person, Dad, because she's an outsider, she's not part of the tribe. But don't forget how much Mom loved her, and how much she loved Mom! What would Mom think of how you're treating her, huh, Dad?"

I could almost hear Billy's face turn red with anger as he said, "Don't you dare being your mother into this, Jacob!"

Jacob laughed an eerie kind of laugh—mocking, without humor. "I'll bring Mom into this whenever I like; she was _my_ mother!" His voice rose, and I've never, ever heard Jacob get so angry as he continued, "I can talk about her whenever I want to, and there isn't a thing you can do about it!"

Then a strange sound broke the choked silence between Jacob and Billy. I heard Billy's gasp and a quick whirring of his wheelchair wheels on the wet planks of the porch, then the slamming of the front door, followed by the ominous "click" of the deadbolt that was never used. La Push had little crime, and most people didn't bother to lock their houses at night, or they just used a knob lock as the Blacks did most of the time...if they remembered, that is.

Jacob didn't come back all night. He never brought me dinner or let me out as he usually did. And Billy stayed up, too. As I lay curled on my mattress on the floor of my room, fighting am empty stomach and a full bladder, I heard the wheelchair's wheels squeaking against the wooden floors; I also heard him on the phone several times.

I tried to sleep, but every time I awoke in the night, I could hear Billy moving around the house, or the low volume on the television, or Billy on the phone.

Without Jacob letting me out for my bedtime bathroom trip, I was in a bad state by morning. I finally worked out the bravery to pound on my door and ask Billy if I could use the bathroom. He let me out, then told me to grab some food from the kitchen and a couple of water bottles because I wasn't getting out until bedtime...unless Jacob came home early.

But Jacob didn't come home early; instead, he was gone for three days.

And when he finally returned, he was not the same Jacob who had left. And he hasn't been _MY_ Jacob since then.

I sighed, missing my brother and best friend. I wish that whatever had happened that night a year ago could be undone somehow; then, I wouldn't have suffered so horribly rough the past year. And somehow Jacob started blaming me for his mother's death...just like Billy and the rest of the tribe who supported Sam Uley's dad over me. Over the outsider.

So although my short-lived taste of freedom and fresh air had been intoxicating, I adjusted fairly well to its loss. I had lost almost everything over the past ten years, so why not this situation as well.

It was obvious that God was punishing me for killing Sarah Black.

What else could be going on?

The weekend passed slowly; Jacob was away with his pack of friends most of the time, so I kept on studying my books, even trying to figure out calculus on my own...which ate up _a lot_ of time. Who knew that I would actually grow to appreciate the tedious nature of calculus? I wasn't sure if I preferred being bored over being frustrated out of my ever-loving mind by the torture of calculus...

This time seemed a little better than before, mostly thanks to my textbooks. I saw Jacob eyeing them a few times when he brought in my evening meal, and I prayed that he wouldn't take them away from me; they were keeping me calm and sane. That should be a good thing, especially for Jacob. Right?

I heard Jacob making plans with Billy and on his cell phone for his birthday on Wednesday; he was planning to have a bunch of his friends over for a 17th birthday celebration. Billy would be at a council meeting for most of the evening, and when he returned, Jacob and his friends were planning to take the party down to First Beach and continue it there...with a keg of beer courtesy of one of the guys at the high school on the reservation.

Monday and Tuesday went by quickly, especially as I had decided to make Jacob a special birthday gift. I wasn't talented artistically, but I thought I could copy out one of the poems from my Shakespeare book for him. I had one piece left of the beautiful stationery that Sarah had given me for my twelfth birthday; it would be perfect to copy the poem...and would look amazing.

I spent Monday thumbing through Shakespeare's sonnets before settling on the perennial favorite, Sonnet 116. It was one of Shakespeare's better-known sonnets, but I also thought that it expressed mine and Jacob's comradeship over our time...if I ignored this last year.

On Tuesday I very carefully copied the poem using an old calligraphy pen that Sarah had given me along with the stationery, writing very slowly and deliberately because I only had one piece of the special paper left, a paper with butterflies on one corner and beautiful scrolls and wildflowers across the bottom.

I felt quite satisfied as I capped the calligraphy pen and admired my work. My penmanship wasn't stellar, but the extra care and time I had taken, along the advantage of the felt-tipped calligraphy pen, had transformed my sloppy scrawl into a neat, legible page.

Then an idea came to mind, and I ran to my closet, scrambling around until I found what I had sought: a nice wooden picture frame inset with glass on which I had glued sea shells years ago as a home school art project I had done with Sarah.

I looked at my page, admiring the delicate colors and my almost-calligraphy as I reread what I had spent hours copying:

**Happy 17th Birthday, Jacob! **

** with love from Bella**

**January 14, 2006**

**Sonnet 116 by William Shakespeare**

_**Let me not to the marriage of true minds  
>Admit impediments. Love is not love<br>Which alters when it alteration finds,  
>Or bends with the remover to remove:<br>O no! it is an ever-fixed mark  
>That looks on tempests and is never shaken;<br>It is the star to every wandering bark,  
>Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.<br>Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks  
>Within his bending sickle's compass come:<br>Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,  
>But bears it out even to the edge of doom.<br>If this be error and upon me proved,  
>I never writ, nor no man ever loved. <strong>_

Taking the frame back to my desk, I dusted the glass carefully before inserting my copy of Shakespeare's poem; I had to trim the stationery just a little bit to make it fit, but it looked wonderful. I surveyed my gift with pride, then found a single piece of white tissue paper in which I wrapped my gift. I didn't have tape or ribbon, but at least the picture was covered so that it would be a lovely surprise for Jacob.

I couldn't wait to give it to him.

This morning when Jacob brought me a granola bar, bottle of water, and an orange, I shyly wished him a "Happy Birthday," but his response was a scowl.

"When do you want your present?" I asked, not allowing myself to be daunted by his bad mood. Perhaps he was just angry that I was locked up...or was I kidding myself?

He looked at me, surprised, then an embarrassed smile quickly crossed his face before he stifled it. "Later," he mumbled, looking at his feet and avoiding my eyes as he strode from the room, deadbolting the door firmly behind him.

I didn't mind. Not really. His birthday party was coming up, and I was sure he'd let me out to celebrate. After all, he didn't want his friends to know they lock me up; our "deal" has always been that I get let out during his gatherings with friends in the Black home.

For appearances.

His friends were mostly cool, even though their dads were the ones who protected Billy when they knew he didn't care for me right. Oh, well. Gotta pick the battles, you know?

The day passed extremely slowly; my excitement over Jacob's gift and party made the hours positively drag. Jacob made it home just before Billy was ready to leave for his council meeting.

Finally I heard Billy bidding Jacob goodbye, telling him sternly to behave as one of the other tribal elders picked him up in a very noisy vehicle. Almost as soon as Billy disappeared, I heard more cars start to arrive. Just as the doorbell rang for the first time, I heard a welcome click from my door.

Jacob had unlocked the deadbolt on my bedroom door...his silent way of inviting me to the party.

Hours ago I had changed my clothes into the darker-wash jeans and the band t-shirt topped with the purple hoodie...my favorite outfit now. I slipped into the bathroom and brushed my hair quickly, loving the mahogany gleam that the lighting produced on my almost waist-long hair. I left it down rather than bundling it into a ponytail as usual.

Looking in the mirror, I actually almost liked what I saw. My cheeks were flushed with excitement, and the clothes I wore looked relaxed and "normal"; the hoodie helped to mask how thin I was. My hair shone, and so did my eyes.

I ducked back into my room to grab Jacob's present and slipped down the hallway toward the raucous noise coming from the living room.

Music was blasting from the stereo system where Jacob had docked his iPod, and a few couples were dancing in an area cleared of furniture. Pizza boxes were stacked on the dining room table, and assorted two-liter sodas were available on the far end, a teetering stack of red plastic cups beside the soda bottles and a small cooler of ice.

A few of Jacob's friends nodded tentatively at me as I made my way to the food; I hadn't eaten since this morning, and my stomach was growling with hunger. Grabbing a paper plate, I loaded it with two pieces of pizza and filled a cup with ice and root beer. I found a quiet corner and nestled into an armchair moved aside for dancing, watching the party with amusement, especially when I noticed Jacob's good friend Quil topping off almost everyone's Cokes from a slim bottle of amber liquid that I guessed was rum or bourbon.

This was going to be an interesting party for certain.

I was mostly ignored...which was how I liked it. The music was extremely loud, forcing most of the party-goers to shout over the music as they vainly attempted to have conversations. A few of Jacob's nicer friends stopped by to talk with me, but Jacob always arrived very soon after they started trying to chat, sending them on errands at first, then telling them to "fucking leave her alone, asshole."

Nice.

Jacob had obviously been imbibing a good number of shots from Quil's bottle, and I didn't like his possessiveness. Jacob spent his time at his party chatting up girls but constantly watching me out of the corner of his eye. When I got up to use the bathroom, he was with me in a split-second.

"Where the hell do you think you're going, Bella?"

I looked at him, noting his huge pupils in his red face. Maybe he had been doing some drugs as well as drinking; his expression was just...off.

"I need to use the bathroom, Jake," I said softly.

He grabbed my wrist roughly, pulling me to him. "Fine," he hissed evenly. "But you're coming with us when we go down to First Beach. Got it?"

"Sh-sh-sure, Jake. I w-want to go," I stuttered, the pain traveling down my arm as he twisted my wrist angrily.

I exclaimed at the sudden pain, gasping, and he released me, sighing. Looking away from me, he rubbed his face with his fingertips. He strode away, saying over his shoulder, "Don't forget a jacket; it's gonna be pretty cold down there."

I nodded, rubbing my now-aching wrist absently. Sometimes I don't think he knows his own strength, especially when it came to me...

But I had almost forgotten, so I ran up to him, tapping him on the shoulder. He wheeled around, looking annoyed, but I persisted, saying, "I have a present for you, Jacob; do you want it now or later?"

He smiled at me, and I nearly gasped. How long had it been since he had given me his signature "Jacob smile"? Despite his astronomical growth, for a moment he looked exactly like _my Jacob_...like the boy who had cared for me over the years before and after his mother's death, making sure that I was truly all right.

"Ummm, now?" Jacob finally answered uncertainly, his Jacob-smile still playing around the corners of his mouth.

"I'll be back in a split-second; I promise!" I exclaimed, running off to the bathroom. I used the facilities quickly, checking my reflection before I left; I looked excited and almost pretty. I smiled into the mirror before racing off to the small pile of gifts on a low table near the dining room.

Quickly locating mine (and noticing that the vast majority of gifts seemed to be the shape of liquor bottles), I snatched it up and practically danced back to the corner where I had settled for most of the party; Jacob waited for me there.

Shyly I handed him the lightly-wrapped frame. "I hope to like it," I murmured.

Jacob ripped away the thin tissue paper, revealing my framed copy of Shakespeare's Sonnet 116. He glanced at me, then read the poem to himself, his lips moving as he read.

When he finished, he looked up at me again, and his eyes were filled with tears. "Thank you, Bells," he said in a rough, choked voice before pulling me against him in a hug. "I love it. It's beautiful."

I hugged him back, feeling tears rising to my eyes as well. It has been so long since Jacob had hugged me, _really_ hugged me.

Somehow, someway, all was right with my world.

For now.

**Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! I so appreciate your wonderful support! And I have LOVED hearing from so many of you lately—so much fun! **

**I'm working on a one-shot written from Edward's POV; there's a preview available on my blog at http:/ CassandraLowery . Blogspot . com**

**HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYONE! LOVE YOU ALL!**

**May 2012 treat you well!**

_**-Cassandra**_


	22. Chapter 21

_**Here's the new chapter...with the first part of the event I've envisioned since the beginning of the story. More will follow in the next chapter. **_

**Warning:_ There is severe violence in this chapter. If violence is not your thing, if you're bothered by it in any way, please do not read this chapter. _**

**Chapter 21**

It seemed like only a few minutes later we were piling into vehicles right and left, moving the party from the Black home to First Beach where there was more privacy and no adults to supervise, a good thing in everyone's opinion but mine.

At first I wondered why we were moving the party; Billy wasn't home yet, and the alcohol seemed to be flowing quite freely...if a little clandestinely. But I've never attended a beach party with Jacob's friends before and was excited about the prospect.

Especially since Jacob seemed to cling to me tonight, especially after I gave him my gift.

He held my hand so sweetly as we left the house, and as he lifted me into a huge van, his warm hands on my waist felt very nice. Sliding in after me, he slung an arm across the back of the seat behind me, hugging me to him, and I basked in his warmth and attention. And I basked in his beautiful Jacob-y smile, even though his eyes were a little glazed over with alcohol consumption.

I had missed his special smile so much.

And despite the fact that he was so much bigger and taller now than he had been last year, he was still my Jacob.

_MY_ Jacob.

I felt so happy to be near him, practically hugged by him, that I became slightly giggly even though I had consumed no alcohol like everyone else had.

I had known most of these kids since I came to La Push when I was ten, but tonight some of them...mostly the guys...stared at me and Jacob with an uncomfortable look on their faces.

I also noticed that Jacob was keeping a special eye on Sam, the largest of the La Push kids. Sam really wasn't a kid at all anymore; he had to be close to twenty-one now. All the guys seemed to check with Sam about everything...as if seeking permission to do anything.

Sam was also the one person I myself felt weird around tonight. He seemed to be staring at me with a strange expression on his dark face. I noticed that Jacob had made sure that Sam wasn't around when Jake sought me out and opened my gift.

Nestled into Jacob's side as the van jounced its way through La Push and toward the beach, I couldn't have felt happier.

Little did I know what was in store for me on that beautiful beach in a short time...

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

We parked in the second parking lot, the one closest to the fire pits, and we all pitched in, carrying scrap wood for the fire and ice chests full of drinks and food. Emily, Sam's girlfriend, had baked a special chocolate fudge birthday cake for Jacob, and I helped her to carry it out to the cement picnic bench closest to the fire pit. We set out plastic forks and small paper plates, and Emily pulled out a pack of birthday candles out of her jacket pocket, smiling at me; I returned her smile tentatively.

Jacob appeared behind me, a beer in his hand which he offered to me. I shook my head; beer was nasty-tasting stuff, and I much preferred soda. He was back a moment later with a Sprite which I accepted gratefully.

The whole group gathered around the cement picnic table and raucously sang a very off-key rendition of "Happy Birthday" to Jacob who cheerfully blew out Emily's candles. I helped Emily cut the very fudgy cake and distribute the pieces. Then before I had a chance to even nibble from my piece, I was helping most of the guys to second slices of cake...then third and even fourth slices. Despite all the pizza they had consumed at Billy's, these boys were ravenous; I had never seen boys eat so much food in my entire life.

Of course, I rarely saw Jacob eat since I usually ate my solitary meals in my room; perhaps he ate like that all the time and I never noticed.

Finally I was able to finish my only piece of cake once I had served the final slice, and it was _amazing_. I loved chocolate but so rarely had the opportunity to consume it. Smiling to herself as we cleaned up the chocolate shambles of plates and forks left behind, Emily seemed very pleased that her cake had been such a success. Everyone thanked her for her baking contribution in a grateful chorus that made her blush beneath her darker skin.

Despite my knowing her for years, Emily was a relative newcomer to living in La Push. A second-cousin of the Clearwaters, whenever Emily came to visit from the nearby Makah Reservation, she and Leah and I were thick as thieves when we were all kids...before Sarah Black's death, that is.

I didn't see much of Emily or Leah after that; it was as if the entire tribe ostracized me for Sarah's death while I was left alone to mourn my second mother figure in four years.

Emily had changed, though. She was more serious than she had been as a child...and that change had to be a result of her drastic run-in with a bear just outside the Makah Reservation a couple of years ago. Her face and arm had been terribly clawed up before her dad shot the bear who violently attacked her. Her beautiful face was ruined; three huge claw marks ran from her temple to her chin, then from her shoulder to her wrist. It had taken over a year for her to heal, a time during which she had apparently avoided everyone in La Push. Now with one eye pulled lower than the other and one side of her mouth scarred into a perpetual frown, Emily was quieter yet somehow stronger and more beautiful than before.

A year ago she had moved permanently to La Push, and Sam, who had been Leah's boyfriend since her freshman year of high school, had fallen in love with Emily instead, breaking Leah's heart. As Leah's closest friend when we were younger, I resented Emily's interference and willingness to steal Leah's beloved Sam away from her. But tonight Emily was the only girl who even smiled at me; everyone else, including Leah, almost completely ignored me.

I felt like I was a germ or something; no one wanted to get close to me...except for Jacob and Emily.

I kept getting a weird feeling, as if there was a very important subtext going on beneath what everyone said, almost as if everyone else were in on the joke...except for me. It was a strangely persistent feeling that I just couldn't shake.

After the cake, everyone gathered around the fire ring. Someone had brought a portable iPod blaster, so music pulsed around us as everyone chatted and joked, drank and laughed.

Although I kept drinking sodas supplied by Jake, I was one of the few who did so. Jacob, sitting at my side, was downing beers very quickly as were most of his friends. I also noticed the glass flask of hard liquor being passed around as well. Jacob offered it to me, but when I just sniffed at the slender bottle, it smelled absolutely disgusting. No wonder the early Native Americans called it "firewater"; it even burned the insides of my nostrils with just one sniff.

Jacob laughed uproariously at the expression on my face when I smelled the bottle, calling me a wimp for turning down a swig. But I didn't care; that stuff smelled despicable and probably tasted even worse.

Gross.

As the evening progressed, the flames from the fire burning high into the night sky, reflected in the gentle swish of waves on the rocky beach, I noticed couples slipping off into the darkness together, doing who-knows-what in private.

Sam had pulled Emily away early on, Leah glaring after them as they vanished into a deep cleft of rocks that lined the stony beach. Jared had disappeared with his Kim, and a few more couples made their quiet exits, holding hands.

I shivered, feeling a little trepidation about coming after all. This kind of evening could get embarrassing, probably more so for me than for the couples who would probably be making out all the way home. I could just imagine how wildly uncomfortable I would be as we drove back to Billy's. Ugh...the ride home tonight was definitely going to be awkward.

Fabulous. Just fabulous.

Jacob pulled me closer as I shivered, rubbing his warm hand up and down my arm to banish the cold. I nestled into his welcome warmth, not liking the decided scent of alcohol that enveloped him, but being a little too cold to mind too awfully much.

A boy I didn't know seated himself beside Leah and began kissing her passionately; she didn't seem as though she knew him well, but that fact didn't seem to matter to her or to him.

They were definitely making me uncomfortable as I cringed away from their obvious display, blushing bright red as I lowered my eyes to my hands twisting in my lap.

Jacob groaned as he watched them, muttering something under his breath that I didn't catch. He looked down at me, his eyes as warm as his huge body, and I saw _MY_ Jacob again: the boy who had loved me and defended me from Billy's drunken rages and frequent physical attacks. He had stepped between myself and danger so many times...which is why his behavior for the last twelve months had been so hurtful, so difficult to bear.

I'd take starvation and beatings over Jacob's verbal cruelty any day.

Jake glared at the amorous couple again, then cleared his throat. Loudly. _Twice._

Apparently reluctant to take his hint, Leah raised her middle finger toward Jacob, her eyes still closed, her lips still engaged.

Jacob huffed in frustration at Leah's rude gesture. Standing up, he tugged at my hand. "Come on, Bella. Let's leave them to it."

Gladly I scurried away from the fire ring, Jacob's arm safely around my waist, helping me to navigate the slippery rocks as I tried to avoid falling flat on my face.

We walked a long way, the fire ring just a distant glow behind us as he guided me almost as if he could see in the dark. After walking for what seemed to be about ten minutes, Jacob escorted me to a large piece of driftwood, big enough for us to sit on as if it were a bench set in a perfect spot by the frothing seas. Gently he helped me to sit down, wrapping my thin jacket around me to protect me from the cold wind before seating himself beside me.

Despite the cold ocean breezes, he wore only a t-shirt.

"Jacob, aren't you freezing?" I asked him through teeth clenched to prevent them from chattering. He laughed throatily, swigging back a shot of the whiskey or bourbon or whatever it was. "Not with this stuff," he smiled lopsidedly, "This will keep me good and warm. Sure you don't want some?"

"No, thanks," I said, politely refusing the disgusting liquid.

"Suit yourself," he grinned, taking another long draw.

"You're going to have a headache tomorrow," I warned him, smiling a little at his mischievous expression.

"Yeah, but how often does a guy turn seventeen?" he asked rhetorically. "Gotta celebrate a little, right?"

I shrugged, hoping he wouldn't be in a horrid mood tomorrow as a result of his imbibing so much liquor. It was a school night, too; I was surprised that Billy allowed a party with school tomorrow.

"Aw, come on, Bella," Jacob slurred, still grinning. "You gotta have some fun, girl! You never get to have fun..." His voice trailed off as he turned thoughtful eyes on me.

"And whose fault is that?" I retorted unthinkingly.

His thick eyebrows rushed together, his smile disappearing.

"It's your fault," he answered, his expression becoming thunderous. "If you hadn't made friends with the fucking Cullens, you could be having fun. But no, the one family we need you to stay away from, and whaddya do? Make friends with 'em your first day. Fucking brilliant, Bella. Fucking brilliant."

His breath was hot and sour from the liquor as it washed across my face, his expression darkly serious.

He was no longer _MY_ Jacob; in fact, he was beginning to scare me a little.

"I'm sorry," I squeaked, trying to appease him. "I didn't know about the Cullens, Jacob. Truly, I didn't know. If you would have told me about them, I would have stayed away. I promise, Jacob."

Jacob's lopsided smile returned as he leaned toward me. "You're a good girl, Bella. You really are. We shoulda told you. I wanted to, really I did. But fucking Billy wouldn't let me. It's not good to have secrets, right?"

Astonished, I looked at him. Despite his alcohol-glazed eyes, he seemed sincere. Perhaps I could get more information out of him while he was in this condition; after all, his defenses were down, and it seemed to be my perfect chance to find out about the secret I knew was lurking beneath the roof of the Black home.

"No, you're right," I agreed softly. "Secrets aren't good, Jacob. They can even be dangerous. And you know that you can tell me anything, right?"

"Sure I can," he slurred, leaning unsteadily toward me. "Fuck Billy. You need to know."

"What is it, Jacob? You can tell me," I whispered, squeezing his hand in encouragement.

He stared down at me, cupping my face between his huge, hot palms. "You're so beautiful, Bella. So beautiful."

He was kidding, right? Was _that_ his secret? No, there was something much, much bigger going on in the Black household; I knew it was huge...something that was carefully hidden from me for some reason. And it was time for me to find out what it was.

"Thank you, Jake," I said gently, grateful for his kind words as I placed my cold hands over his warm ones on either side of my face. "That's really sweet."

"No, I mean it," Jacob insisted, apparently noting my dismissing his opinion regarding my looks. But I knew that I was the plainest girl here tonight—too pale, too thin, too...

His voice interrupted my thoughts about my appearance. "You ARE beautiful, Bella. You gotta believe it. You just gotta believe it."

"Um. Thanks," I answered uncertainly. He had obviously had waaaaay too much alcohol tonight if he thought I was really beautiful.

"Beautiful" was never a word that could or would ever describe me.

"You don't believe me, do you?" he asked, his hands still cupping my face. "I'll show you, Bella. I promise. I'll show you how beautiful you really are..."

Then his lips were on mine, heated with the burn of alcohol yet gently insistent. Despite the fire of whiskey on his breath, I felt myself drawn to him, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling myself closer to the warmth of his huge body. He released my face, placing his large hands on my hips and bringing me closer to him, too.

Except for the alcohol, this kiss was very similar to the one we had shared on my birthday long ago...when he gave me the Shakespeare book.

"But...but Jacob is my friend! He's practically my brother!" screamed a warning voice inside my head.

But right now I didn't care. His affection was welcome, so welcome. How long had it been since I had been held? It was simply lovely; I basked in his warmth and his strength.

I barely noticed when Jacob pulled me down to the soft sand in front of the driftwood bench. On my back on the sandy ground, I vaguely noticed that Jacob's kisses became more insistent, more passionate.

His lips parted over mine, his tongue requesting admittance into my mouth. Unthinkingly I allowed him access; the stench of the alcohol grew stronger, making my eyes water.

Despite the welcome warmth of Jacob's lips on mine, having his tongue enter my mouth just felt...wrong.

Jacob was my friend, my brother...and this kiss was quickly progressing beyond a friendly or brotherly level.

I gently pushed against him, trying to force him to back away from me. Fortunately he responded to the pressure of my comparatively tiny hands against his huge chest, raising himself off my body by several inches.

"What is it, Bella?" he asked, the fumes of his breath rocking a wave of sheer nausea through me.

"I-I-I can't d-d-do this, Jake," I gasped, still breathless from his kiss...and from the shock of the meaning of what we were doing.

"Oh yes, you can," he said, lowering himself against me again and covering my mouth with his.

This time I kept my lips shut, resisting his insistent tongue when he tried to part my mouth for his entrance.

He backed away again, his face tight with anger. "What the hell are you doing, Bella?" he hissed. "Kiss me!"

"N-n-no!" I managed, breathless as his considerable weight pushed me into the sand.

"Fuck it, kiss me, Bella!" He pressed his mouth to mine, bruising my lips as he tried to force them to part.

"Jake, st-st-op!" I begged against his mouth. "P-p-please stop this!"

"No fucking way," he growled, bruising my face further as he kept trying to open my mouth to him.

He was strong, so strong.

And I was so weak in comparison.

I was toast. I could never get away from Jacob.

Suddenly the pressure was gone from my mouth and chest, and I sucked in a great gasp of fresh air thankfully...just before a searing pain struck my left cheekbone.

My eyes automatically filled with tears of pain, but through the moisture blurring my vision, I saw Jacob raising his hand again, and again the pain burst across my cheekbone, radiating through my entire skull.

"You don't get to fucking deny me anything, you bitch," he whispered maliciously into my right ear. "So if you want me to keep punishing you, keep fighting me."

He was on top of me again, his lips hot against mine, one hand ripping my hoodie and t-shirt, his hand searing against my thin bra as he clutched my breast. His lower body ground into mine meaningfully, and his hardness frightened me more than anything yet.

But I wasn't going to let him do this...

No...

This was rape...

I would not allow this to happen to me...

No...

No way...

I stopped fighting for a moment, relaxing beneath his huge, heavy body. As I allowed my body to go limp, he quieted as well, taking my absence of fighting for surrender, as I had hoped.

I let him part my lips for a moment as I tried to buy myself some time.

I needed to think...

But it wasn't easy to plan with my head still spinning from his striking me so forcibly...twice, my body trapped beneath his.

But I tried...I tried to think.

I needed help.

Somehow, someway, I needed help.

Jacob kept kissing me, his tongue persuasive against mine, and I tried very hard not to gag at his unwelcome intrusion. Gagging would give me away.

As his tongue circled mine, I clamped my teeth together as hard as I could, biting his tongue with all of the strength my jaw could muster.

Jacob reared up onto his knees, screaming with pain. Quickly I scrambled out from beneath him, crawling at first then lurching to my feet, beginning to run toward the faint glow of the fire pit.

But it was too far away...

I could hear Jacob behind me, breaking into a run as well.

I screamed as loudly as I could as his huge arms encircled my waist, tackling me to the hard rocks beneath us. As I fell, my chin struck a rock, and I bit my own tongue, tasting the salty, metallic blood in my mouth. I lay dizzily on my stomach, unmoving, the wind knocked out of me for a moment.

"What is it? What's going on?" I heard Sam yell as he ran toward us.

Jacob tried to cover my mouth with his gigantic hand, further bruising my face. Again I used my best weapon, biting his restraining hand then, as his hand dropped away with his scream of pain, I yelled, "Help me! Help me!"

My face was pushed violently back into the rocks which scraped my face and my neck; I felt unbelievable pressure and pain in my right eye socket. Then I heard Jacob pull himself up to his feet behind me just before a swift pain struck my side once...twice...a third time.

"No, Jacob! No! Leave her alone!" I heard Sam bellow.

Jacob's booted foot kicked my side a fourth time, and I felt the ribs on my right side buckle inward beneath the sheer force of his anger.

"Nooooooo! Jacob...STOP!" yelled Sam, finally reaching Jacob and pulling him away.

I lay face down on the rocks, unable to move or cry because of the pain; it just froze me there. Blood seemed to be trickling everywhere; the pain was intense, accompanied by waves of dizziness.

I groaned, willing to allow the blackness take me away on swift wings.

But how could I know that the most frightening part of my evening was still to come?

**Please let me know what you think, okay? **

**I'll be gone part of Thursday and all of Friday, so I don't know if I can get the next chapter up for you by Saturday; I should be able to by Sunday. On Thursday, I'm going out to lunch with some poet friends, and on Friday I'm going to be helping a friend of mine who's a tenured professor design one of her classes. **

**I'm also preparing for resuming homeschooling our three boys (grades 6, 9, and 11) and starting to teach a grammar workshop class on Monday, so I have a busy weekend ahead. I'm also helping to plan a writers' workshop in our small town with my former creative writing professor (who kindly shared his office with me while I was later teaching at the university); it will be a wonderful writing experience! I wish you all could come; Dr. Nelson has published twelve books and countless articles in almost every major American newspaper and magazine; plus, he's terribly funny and very entertaining. You all would love him! **

**I haven't had any time this week to work on "The Last Day," the story from which I posted the excerpt on my fan fiction blog. If you haven't read it yet, you may peruse it at http:/CassandraLowery(dot)blogspot(dot)com **

**So please do review—I love hearing from you all! :)**

**Have a wonderful remainder of your week, and Happy 11th Day of Christmas! **

**Love you all,**

_**Cassandra **_


	23. Chapter 22

_**Here's the next chapter; I even got it up just before midnight on Saturday... ;)**_

**Chapter 22**

**From the end of Chapter 21:**

"_Nooooooo! Jacob...STOP!" yelled Sam, finally reaching Jacob and pulling him away. _

_ I lay face down on the rocks, unable to move or cry because of the pain; it just froze me there. Blood seemed to be trickling everywhere; the pain was intense, accompanied by waves of dizziness._

_ I groaned, willing to allow the blackness take me away on swift wings._

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

The blackness faded in and out. I preferred the blackness; the pain wasn't as intense when I melted into the blackness.

Why couldn't I just stay there in the blackness?

I wanted to. So badly.

But voices came to me, some loud and frantic, some soft...loud then soft...loud then soft...yelling then whispering...yelling then whispering...as if a radio volume were being turned up and down constantly.

And the pain. Oh god, the pain.

I was all pain. Nothing but pain.

It was so hard to think through the all-consuming pain. I didn't want to think. I couldn't think.

I couldn't figure out everything that was happening...or anything that had already happened.

The rocks beneath me were sharp and cold.

But I couldn't move. I tried.

Nothing.

"Help..." I tried to yell for help.

Damn.

Damn. Damn. Damn...

My yell was the merest whisper in my own ears.

Could anyone hear me?

I felt a rush of gratitude as I felt myself being lifted up into someone's very warm arms.

Hot arms held me against a hot body.

I needed the warmth. I was so cold.

So cold.

I was trembling, but I couldn't stop.

I wanted the shaking to stop. It hurt too much.

"We need to get her to the clinic!" Sam shouted. His voice rumbled through his chest; I heard it echo weirdly as my ear pressed against his pounding heart. I guess he was the one holding me.

"Leave her alone!" Jacob's voice, shouting and slurred, began to fade a little. "She's mine!"

His voice continued to fade, to disappear into welcome darkness.

But the mere sound of his voice evoked fear in my chest...fear that dispelled the darkness.

But I wasn't Jacob's.

I couldn't be Jacob's.

Not now.

Not after this.

"No...no," I whispered through sticky lips.

I could taste blood on my lips.

Nausea wracked me.

But I couldn't be sick.

It would hurt too damn much.

"Noooooo," I moaned through the pain, through the blood.

"Ssssshhhh, Bella. We'll take care of you," Sam assured me quietly.

I managed to open my eyes...which widened with fear as I saw Jacob pacing frantically, stumbling from time to time over the loose rocks in front of Sam and me. Sam seemed to be kneeling, my body limp in his arms.

But Jacob was...growling. Almost snarling.

Like a caged animal ready to spring.

His eyes glinted dangerously at Sam.

"You're not taking her from me, Sam. Bella belongs to me. She's always belonged to me," Jacob ground out between clenched teeth, his voice growing louder in my ears.

I couldn't watch this.

But then I had no choice.

"You know that isn't possible, Jacob. Not now. It isn't safe. She doesn't know. And she can't know. It's forbidden. You know the rules. I'm sorry, Jacob," Sam said quietly.

I closed my eyes, trying to gather together the forces of my scattered mind to concentrate. But even as I attempted to think, I couldn't make sense of anything Sam was saying. His voice was still fading in and out...in and out...in and out.

Everything was so confusing.

I was so cold.

I was so tired.

But the pain...god, the pain...the pain...

The pain kept my mind focused a little. The pain kept me from slipping into sleep.

How I wanted to sleep.

I needed to sleep.

I was so tired.

I sighed softly, then moaned as my ribs shifted with my breathing.

Breathing deeply hurt like I couldn't believe.

I panted then, breathing as shallow as possible.

But it still hurt like a bitch.

Sam's angry voice came into focus as he spoke over me. "Look what's happened, Jacob! This is exactly why she can't know! This is why you can't be with her!"

"Fuck you, Sam! Bella is mine. Give her to me!"

"You're barely in control as is. I'm not handing her over while you're struggling just to keep your form, and after what you just did to her, there's no way I would let you have her anyway. We need to get her to the clinic right now."

I felt Sam get to his feet, and my head reeled with dizziness at the change in his position. He started walking, probably taking me to one of the vehicles.

It hurt to breathe. Every breath stabbed me.

Then Sam spun around, making me even dizzier, and I struggled not to throw up all over him.

The nausea hurt, too.

Everything hurt.

I groaned softly with the pain that consumed me.

I felt a growl rise up in Sam's broad, hot chest; it rumbled in my ear, frightening me.

I opened my eyes to see Jacob in front of us, heaving with anger. Shaking with anger. His hands, his arms, his entire body was trembling.

I had never seen Jacob so angry.

And believe me, I had seen him really angry before.

I had the bruises to prove it, too.

Sam wisely backed away from him, but Jacob followed us; with each step Sam took backward, Jacob took one toward us, shaking more and more, his body almost blurring as he trembled faster and faster.

"No, Jacob!" Sam yelled.

Suddenly Jared, Embry, Quill, and a few others grouped themselves around Jacob, trying to calm him down.

"Hold it together, Jake!"

"Come on, man! You don't want to do that here."

"Hey, not in front of her. Calm down, bro!"

Leah appeared at Sam's shoulder, trembling with anger herself.

"You do NOT want to do that, Jacob Black," she snarled. "Step back!"

Jacob threw off the constraining hands and arms of his friends, glaring at Sam and Leah. "You're NOT taking her away from me, Sam Uley!" he growled, his voice strangely calm compared to his massively quaking body.

As the last word left his mouth, the Quileute boys backed off quickly, Sam taking several steps back, Leah at his side.

And then Jacob..._exploded_.

His huge body morphed, skin into fur, face into muzzle, arms and legs into limbs and claws, a huge tail swishing dangerously behind him.

Exactly where Jacob had been standing a split second before, a ginormous wolf, the size of a Clydesdale, growled menacingly, digging his claws into the rocks and sand as he prepared to attack Sam...and me in Sam's arms.

Despite the pain that accompanied every breath, I managed a faint scream.

Jacob?

What happened to Jacob?

How did this happen?

Then a thought came to me, a strangely calm realization in the midst of so much chaos.

_This was the secret. _

_ My best friend, my brother, was a wolf. A huge wolf. _

_ A boy who could turn into a wolf._

_ A werewolf._

I gulped down a sob...a sob of fear and a sob of grief.

This is what Jacob had become. This was why he had changed a year ago, had changed from my friend to an angry and cruel stranger.

The Jacob-wolf advanced on us, a predatory gleam in his eye.

And Leah, shaking like a leaf, stepped protectively in front of me and Sam. "No Jacob, you idiot," she snarled. "Back off. Haven't you hurt her enough tonight?"

The red-brown wolf growled at her, his lips pulling back to reveal dangerous, deadly teeth.

Moving quickly, Sam backed away half a dozen steps just as Leah herself transformed in a blink of an eye from the girl who had once been my best friend, the girl who was defending me from Jacob now, into a gray wolf, smaller and more compact than the Jacob-wolf.

The Leah-wolf glanced over her shoulder meaningfully at Sam, then launched herself at the Jacob-wolf.

Despite the dizziness, nausea, and head-splitting pain, somehow I understood immediately.

_The Quileutes._

_ They were all wolves._

_ And Leah, she was distracting Jacob so that we could get away._

Sam obviously understood, too. With me in his arms, Sam turned his back on the wolf-fight brewing behind us and began running toward the vehicles.

The jouncing from his running hurt. So. Bad.

The blackness started closing in on me again, but I fought it back. I had to know what was happening.

I had to know that we were safe.

I could hear scuffling, growling, howling, and yelping behind us. I tried to peer around Sam's huge arms to see what was happening with the wolves, but I couldn't see anything.

"Don't move, Bella!" Sam ordered. Despite carrying me for who-knows-how-long and then running with me, Sam was not in the least breathless. That was weird.

_A lot of weird things were happening. _

_ Life in La Push was no longer what I had thought it was. _

I saw Jared hop into the driver's side of a van, and Sam lifted me into the backseat, Emily sliding in the other side next to me. I slumped against Sam's warm body, relishing his heat.

I was so cold.

And it hurt...god, it hurt.

"Jared, the clinic! Now!" Sam spoke tersely over my head into the front seat.

Another wave of dizziness crashed over me, and now that we were safe, I was able to relax, willing to let it take me away.

I was so sleepy.

"Bella, can you hear me? Stay awake, sweetie. Keep you eyes open. Look at me, Bella. Bella?" The female voice was soothing; gentle hands were patting my cheek.

Reluctantly I forced my eyes open, and saw Emily's worried face, felt her warm hands on my cold face.

Oh, that's right. Emily was here.

I had always liked Emily.

We used to play with Leah when we were little.

But Emily's hands touching my face were covered with blood.

Was she hurt? I wanted to ask her, but my chest was heavy; taking each breath was so hard, so exhausting.

I felt my eyes begin to close again.

I just wanted to sleep a little while...just until we got to the clinic. Just a little while...

"Bella, look at me!" Sam demanded.

I forced my eyes open again, seeing his and Emily's tight, frantic faces hovering over mine.

"So tired," I moaned softly.

"We know, sweetie. Just hang in there, okay? You can do it. You have to do it." Emily's voice was gently insistent.

I felt the vehicle stop, and Jared swearing in front of us. "The clinic's dark, Sam. It must be closed. What should we do?"

I didn't hear Sam's response. I tried to stay conscious, but it was so hard.

My eyes were so heavy.

My chest was so heavy.

Breathing was so painful.

My side ached with every breath.

But the van's engine started again; I felt it turning around, and then we were moving once again.

"It hurts, Emily. I can't..." my voice trailed off weakly, feeling hot tears trickling down my cold cheeks.

I felt the darkness beginning to suck me under, and I tried to fight it.

But I was so tired.

I had no strength left.

I couldn't do it.

"Bella, stay with us! She's going into shock. Here, Emily, put her in my lap. I can keep her warmer by holding her." Sam's body was wonderfully hot against my back, my uninjured side, my head lolling against his shoulder.

He was so warm.

"Here's a blanket, Sam."

"Put it over us, Em! Tuck it around her carefully. We've got to keep her from going into shock!"

The warmth was so nice. It made me sleepy.

"No, Bella, keep your eyes open! Stay with us!"

"I can't, Sam," I whispered. "I want to sleep."

"We know, Bella. Just wait until we get you some help, okay? Jared, drive faster!"

"I'm running every stop sign! I'm going as fast as I can!" shot a voice from the front seat.

Oh yeah. Jared was driving.

I had forgotten.

Everything was slowly narrowing into a black dot in the center of my vision, then the blackness bloomed, growing larger and larger until it took over my vision completely.

"I can't see," I whispered. "I can't see anything..."

"Hang in there, sweetie!" Emily's voice was frantic, frightened.

"Bella! Bella!"

I couldn't see, but I could still hear...as if their voices were coming at me from a long way away.

"She's lost consciousness. Jared, drive faster, damn it!" Sam ordered, holding me close.

He was so warm.

But my body felt so heavy.

It was too heavy for me.

It was too hard to take in air.

It hurt too damn much to breathe...

"Is she still breathing?" asked Emily, concern lacing her voice.

"I think so. See if you can feel a pulse in her neck, Em."

I felt Emily's warm hard pressing into the side of my throat.

"Yes, I think I can feel it. But it feels slow. Is that bad, Sam?"

"Yeah, it's bad. It's going to kill Jacob if she dies because of him. This is his worst nightmare come true."

"He's tried so hard to protect her from what he has become," Emily said sadly.

"He didn't have a choice." Sam's voice was hard. "I told him not to bring her tonight, but he wanted her there for his birthday. He insisted that he could keep the secret and keep her safe. I shouldn't have allowed it."

"Sam, this isn't your fault," soothed Emily.

Sam was silent, apparently disagreeing with her.

I was feeling peaceful. Although I was tired, so tired, the pain was fading away.

"It doesn't hurt much anymore," I murmured.

"Bella? Stay with us, Bella! Do you hear me?" Sam's voice was frantic.

Emily was talking to me at the same time as Sam, her hands on my face again as she worriedly called to me, "Bella? Wake up! You're going to be okay, sweetie! Stay awake! You're okay!"

"Is that a good thing, Sam? That she's not in pain?" asked Jared over his shoulder.

"No, damn it! It means she's going into shock. It's bad...really bad," Sam hissed.

I felt as if I were floating in his arms. I was warm and tired and so, so ready for a long, long sleep.

"Are you sure about this, Sam?" Jared's voice was worried.

"It's her only chance," Sam answered. "I hope they understand."

"They'll have to," murmured Emily. "I'm sure they'll understand."

Their voices were blurring, melding together in my head. I was just so glad that the pain was gone.

The floaty feeling was so nice.

I could get used to this peaceful feeling.

I welcomed it.

It was so much better than the nausea, the dizziness, and the pain.

Especially better than the pain.

Even as the van stopped with a jerk, nothing hurt in my entire body.

I was so grateful for the absence of pain.

I happily floated, floated, floated toward the bright light, peace such as I've never known before warming my heart...

**I know, I know, another cliffhanger. (Ducking out of the way of all the things you're throwing at me right now...)**

**And even worse news: With our home school starting on Monday, I'm only going to be able to post once a week again, probably on the weekends. I wish I had more time to write, but my grading/editing business is picking up, too, and I'm also helping with a writing conference on Saturday plus I'm helping a friend design her new college writing course which needs to be complete by Saturday. I'm teaching two classes on Thursday, one of which I need to prepare lessons, and the other for which I need to grade a stack of essays. Plus my online grammar class begins Monday as well. **

**My heart's desire is to write for you, to update three times a week so that you all have very little time to wait between chapters, but it just isn't to be right now. I wish I did have the time to write that much and to read the stories of everyone who asks me to, but I just can't; I soooooo wish I could, though! **

**So with much love I post this chapter, and beg your kind indulgence until next weekend, probably Sunday because of the all-day writing conference, for the next chapter. **

**Have a wonderful and safe week, everyone!**

**With much love,**

**Cassandra :) xxxooo **


	24. Chapter 23

_**Thank you for waiting so patiently for me this past week. It was truly the "week from the loony bin" as I was soooo crazy-busy. I hope you enjoy the chapter; thanks ever so much for reading.**_

_**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I'm just joyfully torturing her characters, especially the ones who deserve said torture...**_

**Chapter 23**

A swirl of cold air rushed over me, rousing me slightly from the painless place I had so happily floated toward, and I groaned faintly over the loss of that painless, peaceful place.

I wanted to remain in that bright and lovely place...so much.

There was no pain there.

But a cold hand cupped my cheek. This touch seemed familiar, somehow...

The icy hand on my face brought me further into reality and away from the peaceful place. Damn...

"Sir, just hang on, and we'll help her," a calm, authoritative voice spoke near me, a voice with a strange hint of strong distaste. I felt Sam shifting beneath me, and more cold air spilled over me, making me shiver.

I thought that shivering would hurt, but it didn't.

That was one good thing tonight, at least.

"Here, take her. We have to go," Sam said tightly.

Then Sam tensed even more, and I felt Emily holding his arm beneath my knees, almost as if she were restraining him. "Sam, we're doing this for Bella," she whispered.

Then Sam became absolutely rigid as the calm voice changed drastically. "Oh my god! This is Bella? There's blood everywhere!" the unknown male voice declared.

Wait. I knew that voice.

I just couldn't remember where...

Something was wrong...very wrong...

"As if you can't tell who she is, leech!" Sam growled in a very low voice. "You know her scent; I know you do!

"Apparently your stench masks human scent," snapped the voice.

But that voice was supposed to be calm and peaceful, not anxious and ruffled, the way it was now. In fact, the voice was worse than anxious; it was panicked.

"Bella, sweetheart, what happened? Bella? Bella?"

I was shaken gently by the shoulder as the voice called my name, and cold hands patted my cheeks gently. Then I felt something hard and cold against my upper chest.

It didn't hurt. I think it should have, but it didn't.

"No response to stimuli and no sternal response to pain," the voice reported as if someone were writing all this information down. Perhaps they were.

"Here, help me transfer her to the gurney." I had never heard his voice so steely and cold.

It wasn't like him.

Wait...except once. On the phone, I think...

He must be talking to Sam again for his voice to be so...unlike himself.

That's right; I remembered now. He didn't like the Quileutes.

He had warned me...

I should have listened to him.

To both of them.

I felt floaty once more, then I felt Sam stiffen around me, holding me closer to his warm chest, not moving.

"Give her to me now, dog!" the wonderful voice growled in low, menacing tones that he only seemed to want Sam to hear. "I have to assess how badly she's injured. Look at her face! There's blood everywhere! What the hell did you do to her?"

"_I_ didn't do anything! _I _am _trying_ to save her life! Why else would I bring her here, bloodsucker? To you, of all..._people_!" Sam snarled, twisting the last word ironically, but he was keeping his voice very low, too.

"We'll discuss this later. At the eastern end of the boundary beside the lake. I'll send a delegation before dawn; I doubt I'll be able to leave Bella before then."

Then the voice lowered to a mere hiss, "And you will tell us exactly what happened, mongrel. How dare one of your kind harm this girl?"

"Can you control yourself, leech? You've mentioned her blood more than once tonight—-"

"Bloodlust hasn't been an issue for me for two centuries, and I have _never_ consumed human blood. Satisfied?"

What was going on between them? There was a history here, something strange and distant. But I couldn't think about it now; my thoughts were scattered, just odd snatches of images rather than clear ideas.

And I wouldn't think about what I had seen tonight...the image seared into my mind that had frightened me more than the violence that resulted in my injuries.

I sensed Sam nodding reluctantly and Emily letting go of him. Emily bent over me for a moment, kissing the top of my head. "Be safe, Bella Swan," she murmured.

I felt my body being shifted from Sam's warm arms into cold yet oddly familiar ones.

"Get that gurney over here," the calm voice ordered. "On my count...one, two, three." I felt my body being lifted, then laid gently down, fully horizontal at last. But without Sam's wonderful warmth, I groaned with the cold. Thankfully, the pain was still at bay.

I felt movement under me; I guess they were wheeling me into the hospital, a feeling I figured was correct as I felt the warmth of being inside a building, out of the cold night. Plus the bright lights above me turned the inside of my eyelids a strange red color.

I didn't want red. Red meant pain and suffering. Black meant darkness, the absence of pain.

Gentle hands removed my clothing, but I couldn't object. I had a strange feeling that modesty was out of the question right now.

Words were exchanged, low, technical words that I couldn't understand as the deep, calm voice gave orders with quiet authority. But I could hear the stress beneath his calm.

A mask placed over my face helped me breathe easier, and other things were done that I barely noticed. The gentle hands dabbed at my face and head while careful, icy fingers probed my chest, stomach, and sides. A chilly, gloppy sensation on my stomach and chest startled me for a moment, then I felt something coldly metallic pressing gently, moving against my abdomen and rib cage.

Again, all this should have hurt, but it didn't.

I was grateful for the absence of pain but just a little worried, too. I should be screaming in agony.

But all I felt was tired...tired and weak.

Finally I could make out the quiet voice as he stated in a low voice, "I think her liver is lacerated from the fractured ribs. I'm trying to get a good angle with the ultrasound. Cathie, run a liver function panel, stat. Marcy, type and cross four units of blood. Now!" His voice had lost its calm by the end of his orders, and I felt flurries of movement around me.

I felt strangely removed from it all, as if they were working over someone on television, perhaps on _ER_ or _House _or _Grey's Anatomy, _the shows I used to watch with _him _while Billy was away at meetings and such.

Before _he_ became a monster, that is.

My heart fluttered oddly when I almost slipped and thought his name, twice.

But _he_ was dead to me now...and always would be. Always.

The question was..._would I die tonight, too?_

I felt so sleepy, so tired. I could feel several people working over me, but it all felt so dreamlike, so unreal.

Perhaps it was because of the strange absence of pain.

The thought that I should be in excruciating pain...but wasn't...worried me a little. But my mind couldn't seem to focus on a thought for more than a second or two.

I wasn't scared, at least.

I wasn't sure that anything could scare me after tonight.

As I felt myself beginning to drift away again into the welcoming darkness, I felt cold, insistent hands on my face again. "Bella, you stay with me," the voice ordered quietly, insistently.

Then the memories attached to the voice came flooding back, and I groaned into the new reality of comprehension.

Although I couldn't open my eyes, I managed to whisper, "Carlisle?"

"Yes, sweetheart, it's me. Just rest now. I'll take care of you."

The darkness came whooshing back just as Carlisle called, "She 's bleeding internally; her liver's been ruptured. Get those units of O-Neg on the rapid infuser, NOW. And add two more units. We have to get her to the OR immediately. She's bleeding out. Let's move, people!" His voice was urgent.

I was vaguely aware were moving me again. Fast.

"Carlisle?" I sighed. That was all I could do, but it was enough. His cold hand encircled one of my own, squeezing gently.

"You'll be all right, Bella. We're taking you to the OR for emergency surgery. We'll repair the liver laceration and make sure you have no other internal injuries." His voice broke on the last word.

"Carlisle?" I breathed again, managing to pry my eyes open for a moment. Although my sight was blurry and uncertain in the bright light of the hospital hallway, I saw Carlisle was jogging beside the rolling gurney, his anxious eyes fixed on me. "Don't worry about me, Carlisle," I tried to smile, but it didn't seem to reassure the concern so evident in his expression. "It's okay. It doesn't even hurt."

Just as I saw the anxiety in Carlisle's tawny eyes change from anxiety to sheer panic, I felt the darkness rapidly pulling me under, taking me away from light and warmth and life.

I went, gladly, even though the long, unbroken beep from the monitor by my feet disturbed my entry into a place of peace and quiet. A warm bright light, first a mere pinprick in the darkness, then growing lighter, brighter, warmer, and more comforting, beckoned me forward.

And I followed it joyfully, the white light showing me the way...

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Slowly I became aware of an insistent beeping noise. This wasn't one long, drawn-out beep like before; it was more of a blipping.

_Blip, bleep. Pause...Blip, bleep. Pause...Blip, bleep. Pause...Blip, bleep. Pause... _

I heard a strange _rush_ and _whoosh_ of air nearby. It, too, was a regular sound, a pattern of soft _rushing_ and _whooshing_. It reminded me of something, along with the _blipping_ and _bleeping_.

I frowned. I had liked the darkness and the quiet much better than the noises. The noises were annoying.

Damn annoying.

Trying to lift my arm to scratch my itchy nose, my body felt as if it were tied down, or as if it were simply too heavy to move.

_Lovely. _

I slipped into the darkness at times, and at other times I found myself in my too-still body where I could hear some of what went on around me.

I had no idea how much time was passing. Have I been here a day? A few days?

People seemed to come and go often, soft conversations blending their words into indistinct murmurs too low and garbled for me to understand.

At several points I felt my hand being held in a cold yet gentle grasp, and I could hear the musical murmurings of Carlisle's voice. I couldn't make out his words, but as he spoke earnestly, it sounded strangely comforting, as if he were praying.

I wasn't _that_ badly hurt, was I?

Then the darkness came again, wafting me back into the blessed peace.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

_Blip, bleep. Pause... Blip, bleep. Pause...(Rush...whoosh)... Blip, bleep. Pause... Blip, bleep. Pause...(Rush...whoosh)... Blip, bleep. Pause... Blip, bleep. Pause... (Rush...whoosh)... Blip, bleep. Pause... Blip, bleep. Pause... (Rush...whoosh)... _

The time I spent in the darkness seemed to be diminishing. Gradually I became more aware of the people coming in and out, of the nurses and doctors talking quietly over me. I could easily pick out Carlisle's voice, ragged with stress, even if I couldn't distinguish his words.

What was wrong? Why was he so upset?

I heard the others leave, then I felt Carlisle clasp my hand between his icy ones. His voice was low, but for the first time I was able to make out his soothing words. I had the distinct feeling that he had spoken them many, many times before.

"Bella, you're improving, sweetheart. I know this is taking a long time, and I'm sorry. You've given us quite a few scares, my dear. I hope you're not in pain; I'm keeping the morphine drip at a level that should keep you from feeling too much discomfort. You are healing, so that's good news; it's slower than we want, but these things take time. I'm hoping that we can take you off the ventilator soon when you're able to breathe on your own. We're letting your body rest for now as much as possible." He stopped, swallowed, too a deep breath, then spoke more quickly, more urgently.

"I am so sorry, Bella. I should have made sure that you were safely out of that house the moment I discovered with whom you were living. I knew that they were dangerous, and I was afraid that something like this would happen. I should have been more assertive, less focused on keeping the peace and more concerned about your safety. Please forgive me, Bella. I despise the fact that you're the one paying the price for my mistakes." His beautiful voice was raw with emotion. After a short pause, he continued.

"But we'll keep you safe now. I promise. Mrs. Fairfield and I have been talking, and we've set everything up...if you're amenable, that is. It may be a little awkward at first, but we'll make it work. You'll be safe...as safe as you can be. You will never have to go back to La Push again if you don't want to. And even if you did want to go back, we'd go with you. You will never have to face him again if you don't want to. Never."

He squeezed my hand in emphasis, then gulped down a deep breath. The room was silent again, except for the blip-bleeps and the rush-whooshes that never stopped...and his quiet breathing.

Carlisle raised my hand to his cheek, wrapping both of his cold hands around mine as he bowed his head.

"Lord, I continue to give my beloved Isabella into your hands. Heal her body, her mind, her heart, and her life after all that she has been through. Help her to forgive and forget. And help her to adjust to her new life, if she is willing to follow our plan. Whatever she decides, please protect her from evil and surround her with good-with healing and blessing. We have a long road ahead with Bella, so grant Jane, Esme, and myself the wisdom we need and the love that comes from You. Help our family to faithfully care for Bella and for others as long as we walk this earth. Through the grace and mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ, who liveth and reigneth with Thee and the same Spirit, ever one God, world without end. Amen."

He let go with one hand, and I sensed motion in the air, realizing slowly that he must be crossing himself.

Carlisle's prayer was kind of strange. It sounded all from-the-heart for the most part, but the last bit sounded really old-fashioned, as if it had been prayed for centuries.

Oh well. My mind kept going in weird directions, thoughts scattered and almost incomprehensible.

Maybe it was the pain meds.

Although I wasn't into God-stuff, I was oddly touched by Carlisle's prayer for me.

I wasn't a religious person. I had always thought that if God existed and controlled everything (which was a big "if" considering the shitty state of the world), He must not like me very much. After all, He took away my mom, then my dad, then a third parent-figure in Sarah Black, leaving me to be held captive by Billy and...I couldn't even _think_ his name right now. Then, when I had the smallest taste of freedom, just enough to make me want more, He removed me from school and Mrs. Jane and the Cullens, throwing me back into the Blacks' power trip again, as if I were merely a discarded toy.

Yeah, if God did exist, and if He really was in control, He was a bastard of the first degree, in my humble opinion. What had I done to piss Him off this much? I was a fairly innocuous person, after all, not really worth His bothering with me.

Of course, calling God a "bastard" probably isn't winning me any more points in His book. Great. I just keep digging myself deeper and deeper, don't I? _Shit._

Carlisle was still holding my hand in his icy grasp. I heard the door open, and a nurse's voice calling him away to check on a patient's prescription.

"Hang in there, sweetheart. I'll be back soon," Carlisle murmured, pressing a kiss into the back of my hand, then gently placing it at my side.

He moved from the room so quickly and quietly that it was difficult to actually _hear_ him move.

I tried to think, to figure out what had happened and what has going to happen. But I couldn't force my mind to make sense of anything I had just heard. I felt the darkness creeping back into my mind. I was just so tired...so very tired...

I would think later.

Everything would make sense later.

I just wanted to sleep. To rest. To allow my world and my mind to quiet again while I gathered strength.

After Carlisle's departure, all I was left with was the constant sounds coming from beside and behind me as I allowed the darkness to engulf me again...

_Blip, bleep. Pause... Blip, bleep. Pause...(Rush...whoosh)... Blip, bleep. Pause... Blip, bleep. Pause...(Rush...whoosh)... Blip, bleep. Pause... Blip, bleep. Pause... (Rush...whoosh)... Blip, bleep. Pause... Blip, bleep. Pause... (Rush...whoosh)... _

_**See, I did not leave you with a cliffhanger this time. So no complaints! And yes, I admit that part of me wanted to leave off when Bella was on her way to surgery, but I couldn't be that mean to you all! (It would have been such an epically cool cliffhanger, though!) But I restrained myself.**_

_**I'd love to hear your thoughts. Thank you for reading, and please do review! :) **_

_**Next update should be this Saturday. **_

_**Until then, have a lovely week! **_

_**-Cassandra xxxooo **_


	25. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

**_Of course, all things _Twilight_ belong to Stephenie Meyer. I'm just taking my turn in her sandbox..._**

The darkness had been slowly receding for a while, but I wasn't sure for how long. Time had become completely immaterial to me...blending and morphing around the echo of voices which murmured low at times or uncomfortably loud at others, depending on how clear my mind was at the time.

Life wasn't very comfortable right now. I felt my lungs expanding and contracting, but I knew somehow that I wasn't causing it. The steady ache in my lower chest remained; I knew that there was a reason for this pain, but I couldn't remember what was making the pain radiate outward.

My throat hurt; it was terribly dry, and it burned. So badly. It was actually my most constant source of pain. I hated it.

My side also ached, a pulling sensation raking through me at times.

And my head hurt. So badly.

Ugh...

The one thing I had gathered was where I was.

In a hospital.

Forks Hospital.

And Carlisle was taking care of me.

His clear, melodious voice was my lifeline, tethering me in the painful, red reality and keeping me from slipping into the black darkness that attempted to swallow me at every turn.

I had no will to remain in painful reality...except for the sheer beauty of Carlisle's voice. His love and concern was like nothing I had experienced since my mother's death.

And he had been there, too, caring for us all, comforting and amusing me.

He made me feel special, even as a small child.

Now I clung to his voice mentally, pushing away the darkness for as long as I could each time until I eventually succumbed into the painless blackness.

I heard him praying over me, over and over, and telling me to fight...to fight hard.

And I was fighting, just as Carlisle told me to. As hard as I could.

I was not going to let the darkness win.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

I emerged from the darkness slowly, as usual. Gradually I became aware of Carlisle's gentle voice murmuring quietly.

Perhaps he was praying again? He did that a lot during my time here. And, oddly, I didn't mind. I sensed the earnestness behind his prayers, the force of his supplications, as if he were begging God to return me safely from the darkness.

Despite the pain that invariably exhausted me each time I endured the redness of reality, Carlisle made me want to return to my life.

He made me strong.

But today was different.

I felt different.

I felt more determined to return to reality. And stay there. Despite the pain and agony that I would be forced to face. And not just physical pain, but emotional pain, too.

The pain of what _he_ had done. What _he_ had taken from me.

But I would be strong, and I would face the reality, the pain.

I was ready.

And, for the first time in who-knows-how-long, I opened my eyes.

"Bella?" Carlisle's voice was urgent and excited. "Bella, can you hear me?"

I tried to speak, but I couldn't; something was preventing me from even whispering.

"Don't try to talk, sweetheart. The tube from the ventilator makes it impossible to speak. Just nod if you understand me, all right?"

I stared toward the sound of his voice, my sight blurred, unfocused. Ever so slowly, as I blinked and blinked, my eyesight began to clear, and I was able to make out Carlisle's smiling face bending over me.

"There you are," he breathed in relief. "Welcome back, Bella."

I tried to move my hand, but even shifting that one body part caused a shooting pain down my arm, through my shoulder, and into my upper chest. I moaned around the stupid tube in my mouth and throat.

"Stay still. You're going to be in pain as you regain movement, so let's not make it worse for now."

I nodded minutely, and he smiled.

"It's wonderful to see your eyes open; it's been quite a while," Carlisle said, his voice an odd mixture of excitement and concern. His eyes looked weary, as if he was exhausted; I remembered that same expression from my childhood when Carlisle had cared for my mother during her illness.

He cared so much. He must be a great father to his kids.

A pang struck me hard, but it wasn't physical. I wanted my own father right now. A parent. Someone to comfort and care for me.

I felt the heat of tears beginning to well in my eyes; I sniffed, trying to force them back before Carlisle noticed.

He turned away for a moment...and I used the moment to regain my composure. Carlisle spoke to the nurse, "Marcy, I think we can safely remove the intubation; Bella doesn't need the ventilator any longer. Please assist me?" Carlisle softened the order to a request; I appreciated his treatment of the nurses on his team.

"Certainly, Dr. Cullen," a cheerful voice chimed, and a lined face joined his in my scope of vision. Together, they worked, untaping the tube from around my mouth and doing other stuff that I couldn't see until Carlisle's face appeared very close to mine.

"We're ready to remove the tube from your throat, Bella. We need you to help us, all right?"

I nodded, so ready to get rid of this annoying thing that I would do anything he asked of me.

He continued, "When I say 'three,' I want you to blow out as hard as you can. Can you do that for us?"

I nodded again.

"Good girl," he responded, apparently satisfied. "I'm sure you're more than ready to get rid of this nuisance."

I winked, and he laughed gently.

"Let's do this. All right, Bella, breathe in deeply as I start counting, then blow out hard on 'three.' Ready? One...two...THREE!"

I blew out weakly while he slid the tube out of my lungs, scraping against my very painful throat, then out my mouth. I coughed hard several times as I sucked air into my lungs on my own power at long last. Marcy wiped my mouth with a damp cloth, smiling.

"You did great, Bella," she encouraged, nodding her head, making her short gray curls bounce. She raised the head of my bed slowly until I was actually sitting up, then arranged pillows behind me.

The sitting up was nice, but I felt the pulling sensation in my side again, and my throat was horribly sore.

And I was hungry. So hungry.

Carlisle finished disposing of my tubing and moving the ventilator near the door for removal from my room.

I blinked a few times, adjusting to the feeling of sitting up. I had no idea how long I had been laying down, but I had the feeling that it had been a while.

Marcy bustled around the room as Carlisle picked up my chart and scribbled on it. "Anything else, Dr. Cullen?" she asked, standing beside me after finishing her clean-up duties.

"No, that will be everything for now, Marcy." Carlisle looked at me, then added, "Could you bring Bella some chilled Jell-O for her throat? I think it will help."

"Sure thing. I'll be back in a few minutes, Bella. You hang tight, okay?"

I nodded, then the nurse left the room.

Carlisle and I were alone.

I had a million and a half questions, but Carlisle must have seen them all bubbling up in my eyes as he raised his hand, palm toward me. "Please don't talk, Bella. Your throat needs to heal after you've been intubated for such a long time. I'll tell you everything, and you may whisper if necessary. But please attempt to refrain from talking as much as possible. All right?"

I nodded, my eyes boring into his, waiting to hear everything that had happened.

Carlisle took a deep breath, as if the memories he was retelling were difficult for him. His uneasiness and obvious pain somehow comforted me.

He cares for me...the way a father cares.

That thought warmed me, and I felt a wave of thankfulness that Carlisle had been there for me throughout the who-knows-how-long that I've been in Forks Hospital.

Carlisle sighed, then took a second deep breath and began speaking in a measured, detached voice. "Sam and Emily brought you here to the hospital after...what happened at the beach. Apparently they had tried the clinic in La Push first, but it was closed. So they came here, and we brought you in. You were bleeding profusely from a couple of facial and scalp lacerations. In fact, the bleeding was so profuse and with your right eye swollen shut, I didn't recognize you at first."

I noticed how carefully Carlisle was avoiding saying _his_ name. And I was grateful. _He_ was dead to me, and I would be thrilled to never hear that name as long as I lived. _He_ was now nothing to me. Nothing at all.

Carlisle continued more slowly now. "But the real damage done to you was internal. We got you into the ER and did a quick ultrasound. When you were repeatedly kicked in the side, three ribs were broken, and one of them lacerated your liver, causing you to bleed internally. It was life-threatening. We rushed you to the ER, but on the way, your heart stopped from the blood loss. I did chest compressions until we got you into an OR. We shocked your heart back into a normal rhythm and tried to keep transfusing you to keep your blood levels up long enough to perform surgery and repair the liver laceration."

Carlisle sighed, then continued, shifting his gaze away from my face to the monitor above my bed. "Your heart stopped twice more while you were on the operating table. The third time...it took us over five minutes to regain a normal rhythm."

I blinked, then whispered, "I was dead for five minutes?"

Carlisle looked back at my face, and the pain was evident in his expression. "Technically, yes. We did compressions and bagged you throughout our attempts to revive you, so we hoped that there wouldn't be any brain damage. But we weren't really sure that you were all right until a few days ago when the brain scans came back with normal brain activity."

Wow. I had been dead. _He_ had technically killed me. Beating me and nearly raping me wasn't enough; he killed me, too.

_ Bastard._ I felt a surge of anger fill me. I truly hated him.

And I would never forgive him. Never.

Carlisle continued, "We put you in a medically-induced coma after the surgery and kept you on the ventilator until just now, allowing your body to rest and recover. You just started breathing entirely on your own a few hours ago, so I was hopeful that you would awaken today."

"How long was I in the coma?" I whispered.

"The surgery took place two weeks ago yesterday."

_Shit. Two weeks._ I had lost two weeks...

"The good news is that most of your bruises have healed while you were unconscious, especially the ones on your face. We had a plastic surgeon come from Seattle, a specialist who drove in as a favor to me, who stitched your facial lacerations so that you shouldn't have any scarring; I removed the stitches four days ago. Our preliminary scans showed only a slight diminishment in brain activity, normal for a coma, so we assumed that you would have come out of the medically-induced coma about a week ago. But apparently your body needed more time to recover since you only came out of the coma today."

He looked at me closely then asked, "How are you feeling, Bella?"

"Like I died a couple of weeks ago," I grouched in a hoarse whisper, and Carlisle smiled.

"Welcome back, Miss Swan," he congratulated me. "It's nice to see the real 'you' again." Then he became more serious. "You still have a good month of recovery ahead of you. You'll probably need to remain here in the hospital for another five days or so."

"Then what?" I rasped.

Carlisle looked uncomfortable for the first time. His gaze skittered around the room, landing everywhere but on me.

_Hmmm. What's going on?_

"Well," he started awkwardly, "you're not returning to the Blacks' home. Mrs. Fairfield removed you permanently from the custody of Mr. William Black. He is no longer your legal guardian."

_Wow. I wouldn't ever have to go back to La Push ever again. Thank god! But..._

I looked at Carlisle, fear filling me. He saw the naked fright in my eyes and took my hand consolingly.

"What would you say," he spoke very deliberately, looking into my eyes to assess my reaction, "to coming home with me and recuperating in our home?"

I looked at him blankly, wonderingly.

Carlisle hastened to explain. "You won't be able to return to school for at least a month. My wife Esme works from home, so she can care for you when I have to be here. Our kids can bring home your assignments from school so that you can catch up with your classes. And they can also help to keep you entertained." He paused, smiling. "Alice is quite excited about having you join us, and she's hoping very much that you will accept, and Esme has already redecorated a guest room on the first floor for you so that you don't have to bother with the stairs."

"But...the others?" I croaked.

Carlisle took my hand in both of his cold ones. "We are all looking forward to having you stay with us," he assured me warmly.

But I shook my head, remembering the dark eyes glaring at me with malevolence from that too-perfect face. "Not Edward," I whispered. "He hates me."

_**So that's Chapter 24! I hope you liked it! **_

_**Please drop me a review and let me know! :)**_

_**Next update: Saturday, unless my schedule magically clears. **_

_**Love to you all,**_

_**Cassandra :)**_


	26. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

**_Standard Disclaimer: _Twilight_ belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I'm just hijacking her world temporarily. _**

**_If you haven't yet done so, read the two-part Outtake from Chapter 23 in Carlisle's POV in the separate _Pinned but Fluttering Outtakes _story before you read Chapter 25 here_. **

**From Chapter 24:**

_Carlisle took my hand in both of his cold ones. "We are all looking forward to having you stay with us," he assured me warmly._

_But I shook my head, remembering the dark eyes glaring at me with malevolence from that too-perfect face. "Not Edward," I whispered. "He hates me."_

_-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-_

Carlisle shifted his weight from one foot to the other, slightly uncomfortable. "Edward...is going through a difficult time right now. Truly, it has very little to do with you, Isabella." He sighed,then looked away for a moment. "He'll come around; he always does." Carlisle turned back to me, forcing a smile and abruptly changing the subject. "Esme, my wife, is already preparing a first-floor guest room for you. She is coming to meet you later today, if that is all right with you."

I nodded, still confused. _So what was Edward's problem if it wasn't me? From what Carlisle said and implied, Edward was rather moody. To say the least. _I remembered his dark eyes, deep in their darkness...

"Knock, knock," called a familiar, cheerful voice from the doorway, pulling me out of my thoughts and memories.

Despite still feeling weak and groggy, I managed a smile as Mrs. Jane approached my bed.

"Hey, sweetie," she greeted me with a wide smile as she drew up to the opposite side of the bed across from Carlisle. "How are you feeling?"

I shrugged, then winced a little at the pain shooting up my side.

Carlisle patted my hand soothingly, helping to distract me from the discomfort. "After we chat just a little longer, I'll give you something that will help with the pain and allow you to sleep."

"I haven't slept enough lately?" I whispered, watching Carlisle and Mrs. Jane exchanging relieved smiles. I guess my snarkiness assured them that I still retained most of my brain function.

"Did you tell her?" Mrs. Jane asked Carlisle in a low voice; he nodded. Then she asked, "Could you give us a moment please, Dr. Cullen?"

Carlisle squeezed my hand lightly. "I need to go check on a few patients. I'll be back soon, Isabella."

"Thanks," I whispered.

He gave me another gentle smile as he left, closing the door behind him.

Turning to me, Mrs. Jane asked, "So, what do you think, Bella? Are you all right with staying with the Cullens while you recuperate? Dr. Cullen will be there to care for you when he isn't working, and you'll have the other young people there to keep you entertained. And Mrs. Cullen will be there with you full-time. The Cullens have always kept to themselves, but they are ready to welcome you with open arms, and I'm willing to sign off on it as far as Child Protective Services is concerned. What do you think?"

I didn't want to shrug again; it hurt too much. But I had so many questions over what had happened. We had to start at the beginning.

"That night? The Blacks?" I asked quietly, my eyes filling with tears without my permission. I was so weak that I had no control over my emotions. I felt raw, naked. And I hated it.

Passing me a tissue, Mrs. Jane practically growled as she answered, "Jacob Black in on the run. There's a warrant out for his arrest for assault. But his friends seem to be hiding him on the reservation, and there are some legal issues concerning sovereign nations, etc., that are delaying the authorities getting to him. The issue of his living on a reservation is definitely in his favor legally; there's a lot of red tape to deal with. But they're working on apprehending him as soon as possible."

She took a deep breath, then sighed. "I may as well tell you. He came by the hospital a day or so after your admittance. Of course, you were unconscious here in the ICU, but he attempted to break into the ICU to see you; he injured a security guard and tried to take down Dr. Cullen. Can you imagine?"

My eyes were wide as saucers at the idea of Jacob attacking Carlisle as Mrs. Jane continued, "We don't know what Jacob Black's intentions were; he could have come to apologize, or he could have come to finish what he started. More security guards were called along with the police, but Jacob Black led them on a merry chase through the hospital and managed to elude the officers and slip away. He hasn't been seen in public since. Forks Police and the County Sheriff have his photo and are on the lookout for him. If he sets foot off the reservation, he's ours." Mrs. Jane smiled grimly, as if she couldn't wait to get her tiny hands on him herself.

She shifted uncomfortably. "But I need to ask you some difficult questions, Bella. About that night."

Panic raced through me; I heard my heart rate on the monitors begin to beep more speedily, and air seemed to hitch in my lungs. I felt weaker, dizzy. I tried to take a deep breath, but it hurt so damn much.

Carlisle threw open the door to my room and was at my side almost instantaneously. "Calm down, Isabella," he ordered, quiet authority ringing in his voice. "Breathe slowly for me, please," he requested as he placed a stethoscope against my chest.

I tried to calm down, tried to breathe, but everything seemed to be spinning out of my control. Shooting pains flew up my sides, and I couldn't take a deep breath properly. I tried to focus on Carlisle's focused and determined face as he pressed his fingers gently into the underside of my wrist.

I heard Carlisle mutter "Damn!" under his breath, and he moved quickly to slide an oxygen mask over my head. "Take slow, deep breaths, Isabella," he said in a calmer voice.

Everything hurt, and I couldn't slow my breathing. The monitors were beeping even faster now, and I couldn't focus my eyes.

"Her blood pressure is through the roof," he said to Mrs. Jane. "What happened?"

Mrs. Jane's voice seemed very far away and echo-like, as if she were speaking through a tunnel. "We were talking about Jacob Black," she said shakily.

"Not the best idea, obviously," Carlisle snapped.

I didn't hear Mrs. Jane's reply, if she even said anything. The pain was tearing my body apart.

"Isabella?" he asked frantically. "Can you hear me?"

"It hurts," I gasped in a barely-audible whisper.

"Marcy, give me the fentanyl, please." There was a pause. I had not noticed the nurse entering the room; every part of my mind was consumed with pain and panic as I struggled to get enough air.

I began to feel woozy, as if every part of me weighed a ton. As if from a distance, I heard Carlisle's voice, "I gave you something for the pain, Isabella. Relax and rest now. You'll be all right."

Then I faded into a welcome darkness that kept the agonizing pain—the pain of both my injured body and my panicked mind—at bay.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

I swam up out of the darkness some time later; I wasn't sure when. My mind was sluggish, not at all clear. I didn't really want to open my eyes to face whatever f'ed-up reality that may be ready to pounce on me, but it seemed as if I would be given no choice.

_Damn._

The pain in my body had subsided to a persistent ache that throbbed from head to toe.

I groaned softly, hating my helplessness.

"Bella? Bella, sweetie, are you all right?" Mrs. Jane's voice came from right beside me, and I felt her pick up my hand and squeeze it gently.

Reluctantly I forced my eyes open to see her worried face hovering over me.

"What happened?" I whispered hoarsely.

"That's what I would like to know," she muttered, looking somewhat ashamed. Then she leaned over me, looking me straight in the eye.

"I am so sorry, Bella. I shouldn't have brought up that topic when you were just coming out of a coma. I just wanted to find the bastard who did this to you and lock him away for the remainder of his sorry-ass life."

Closing my eyes for a moment, I smiled weakly. "Sounds good to me," I whispered, then sighed. "I can't believe he came here, to the hospital."

"I know," Mrs. Jane agreed. "We've stationed security guards outside your door and doubled the detail on the hospital grounds. They'll get him if he tries to return. And Dr. Cullen has barely left you alone for a moment. I swear I don't think that man ever sleeps."

"Thank you," I mouthed, too weak to even whisper.

The door opened, and I opened my eyes to see who was my next visitor.

Carlisle strode to the side of my bed. He gave Mrs. Jane a not-so-subtle warning glare, then looked down at me with softer eyes. "You gave us a bit of a scare, Isabella," he stated, picking up the hand not in Mrs. Jane's possession and checking my pulse.

"I'm sorry," I mouthed.

"What a thing to apologize for," he smiled, shaking his head at me. "Well, you should be safe here now, with the extra security and all, but I'd really like to get you out o the hospital and to our home." He stopped, looked at Mrs. Jane who glared at him now, then backtracked quickly. "But it's up to you as far as where you want to want to live, at least while you recover a bit and regain your strength. We'd love to have you stay with us, of course, but the choice is entirely yours."

Carlisle continued checking me over, then smiled. "Mrs. Fairfield may stay for another ten minutes, and then she needs to let you rest."

"Of course, Dr. Cullen," replied Mrs. Jane sweetly.

He quirked a dubious eyebrow in her direction, then quietly left the room.

"Well, what do you think?" Mrs. Jane asked, smiling. "Staying with the Cullens would be the best option in my opinion, but I need to know your thoughts."

Of course, my thoughts flew immediately to wishing that both of my parents were still alive. But that wasn't an option, unfortunately.

"Are there any other options?" I asked hoarsely.

"Well," Mrs. Jane spoke slowly, "there's foster care, but you really need to stay in a home in which at least one person has medical training. And there's no one in the foster child system in Forks or Port Angeles with those skills." She took s deep breath, then said in a rush, "We'd have to transport you to Seattle in order to find someone who could care for you properly."

I shook my head in the negative. I may not know many people in Forks, but I sure as hell wasn't going to go know anyone in a city the size of Seattle.

I guess I really had no choice.

And it would please Carlisle.

And Mrs. Jane would be able to see me.

And Angela.

Plus, I'd be living with Alice.

Ugh...and with Edward.

This situation could get interesting.

But any way I looked at it, there really wasn't much of a choice to make.

"The Cullens, please," I whispered, feeling suddenly very tired.

My door was flung open again, and Alice Cullen entered, followed by a beautiful woman with thick, wavy caramel-colored hair and the gentlest, most tranquil smile I think I've ever seen.

The nurse Marcy came in right on their heels. "No more than two visitors in the ICU at any time," she ordered. "Isabella needs to rest."

Mrs. Jane smiled down at me. "I need to leave anyway, sweetie. I'll work on drawing up the papers and sending them to Judge Aro in the morning." She leaned over, awkwardly as she was so tiny, and pressed a kiss against my forehead. "Rest well. I'll see you in the morning."

"Bye," I managed to whisper. My throat was beginning to hurt again, and I felt tears rising to my eyes at Mrs. Jane's abrupt exit.

"How are you feeling, Bella?" Alice asked with somewhat restrained exuberance.

"Like complete and utter crap," I groaned softly. The throbbing ache all over my body was getting worse, and even the mere thought of moving made it worse.

"Bella, this is my mom, Esme," Alice motioned to the lovely woman who looked as if she had just stepped off a movie set. I felt myself blushing a bright red. Here I lay in a hospital bed, looking like disgusting roadkill, with my hair probably in a mess and bruises all over me. I knew I wasn't beautiful or even remotely pretty at the best of times, but right now I felt and probably looked positively scummy.

I smiled tightly at Esme who smiled angelically down at me as she took my hand. "It's lovely to meet you, Isabella," she said softly. "We won't stay long because Carlisle has already scolded us about your need for rest. I just wanted to extend his invitation for you to stay with us. I get lonely during the days while Carlisle and the kids are gone, and it would be a privilege to have someone around for company. I work from home, you see, and we live in a rather remote area. So it would be the perfect thing for me to have you stay with us. Please say that you will," Esme pressed gently, her eyes gleaming kindly.

"Oh, please, Bella?" Alice seconded, her excited smile reaching from ear to ear...almost literally.

I looked at Esme searchingly, and I saw true kindness in her dark gold eyes. And somehow I felt comforted. And protected. And safe.

I nodded, smiling a little.

"Oh, thank you, sweetheart!" Esme enthused, and her face was so blindingly happy that her eyes sparkled. "You have no idea how happy you've made me and Carlisle...and the rest of the family, too, of course!"

"Thank you," I mouthed.

The door swung open, and Carlisle entered. He paused for a moment, as if he were measuring the emotional climate of the room, then smiled, stepping forward to where Esme stood and slipping his arm around her slender waist.

"I take it we have good news?" he asked, his eyes sparkling like Esme's.

Alice answered for me, clapping her hands in glee. "Yes, Bella's agreed to stay with us! Everything's going to be simply perfect now!"

Carlisle smiled down at Alice indulgently. "Well, Isabella needs her rest. I think her visiting hours are over for today."

Esme bent over me, pressing a kiss to my forehead. "I'll work on finishing your room, sweetheart. I hope you'll like it!"

Alice interjected before I had a chance to reply, "She'll absolutely LOVE it, Esme! Don't worry! After all, it's purple, Bella's favorite color!"

"All right, all right, Alice. You and Esme need to let Bella rest now," Carlisle smiled, shooing them out.

"Bye Bella!" Alice shouted over her shoulder. "See you soon!"

I couldn't help laughing a little at the sight of Carlisle practically pushing Alice out the door as she waved and smiled at me. But my laughter sent a shooting pain down my side, and I gasped. Carlisle was at my side instantly. "Are you all right, Bella?" he asked, concerned.

"Yeah, I think so," I whispered, still tensed as the pain continued to course through me.

Obviously not believing me, Carlisle quickly moved my blankets aside to examine me. I had a difficult time focusing on what he was doing as he felt along my surgery site. All I knew was that his cool hands felt good against my skin.

"Why, Isabella, you're burning up," he exclaimed. He turned away for a moment and was back immediately with one of those annoying ear thermometer thingies. He slid it quickly into my ear, waited for it to beep, then pulled it away to look at the digital read out.

"Damn!" he cursed softly. His rapid movements as he injected something into my IV made me dizzy, and I let my eyelids close.

Against my will I felt my mind fading into darkness, but I was too weak to fight it.

The only thought that registered as the darkness dragged me under was that I was absolutely positive that I had never told Alice Cullen my favorite color...

_**And now we know why Alice saw Bella's future disappear the morning after the meeting with the wolf pack: Jacob was at the hospital. **_

_**I hope that you enjoyed the chapter. Show me the love, please, with a review? **_

_**The next chapter will be up next weekend, probably late Sunday, knowing my crazy schedule. **_

_**Thanks for reading!**_

_**Love,**_

_**Cassandra :)**_


	27. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

**_Standard Disclaimer:_ Twilight _belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I own the rest of this story, a husband, three teenagers and a "tween," and a disabled dachshund. And a mortgage. _**

With Carlisle's help, I settled myself in the passenger seat of his very comfortable black Mercedes in front of Forks Community Hospital. While he loaded my wheelchair into the trunk, I sighed. It had been a long two weeks in the hospital after awakening from the coma, so I had been in the hospital for just under a month all together. I would have been released earlier if I hadn't developed an infection that required a course of IV antibiotics and made me feel like crap for an entire week.

Marcy and Cathie, my nurses, waved goodbye to me from the sidewalk as Carlisle slid behind the steering wheel and restarted the engine. I waved back at the cheerful nurses who had taken such wonderful care of me as the sedan pulled away from the curb and we started the trip to the Cullen home.

"So, Isabella. How do you feel about coming home? Nervous?" Carlisle smiled at me as he turned onto the highway.

I shrugged, grateful that this movement no longer caused excruciating pain as it had when I had first woke from the coma. "A little," I admitted softly.

"Everyone is looking forward to your homecoming. Alice has been warned to tone down the enthusiasm, and Esme has your room all ready for you." I noticed that he had neglected to mention the other members of the Cullen family, Edward and the ones I didn't know well: Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper.

All of the Cullens except for Edward and Rosalie had visited me in the hospital during the past week. Once the painful and debilitating infection had cleared, Alice and Esme were daily visitors, and Alice had once brought Jasper, her boyfriend. Jasper was quiet and distantly polite, yet somehow I felt at ease in his presence. Esme had brought along Emmett twice, and I liked him already. He was loud and funny, and his snarky sense of humor was right up my alley. I could tell that we were going to be good friends.

When Alice had asked me about favorite movies, she was surprised by my noncommittal reply. I had seen a few movies with Jacob before his personality transplant a year ago, but none since then, so I didn't really have any favorites. Emmett had declared that he would "educate my taste" in films, at which comment Alice had snorted indelicately and Esme had cleared her throat meaningfully at them both before assuring me that they possessed quite the Blu-Ray library for my movie-watching pleasure.

So I was looking forward to expanding my extremely limited movie repertoire while I obeyed Carlisle's orders to rest. I was to rest most of the time for the first couple of weeks, he said, either on the sofa in the living room or in bed. I had wrinkled my nose at the idea of more rest after so much time in the hospital, but Carlisle was right: just getting dressed with Marcy's help and being wheeled down to the car had already exhausted me for the day, and it wasn't even ten in the morning yet.

Carlisle was talking quietly as he drove, but I was already feeling sleepy enough that I found myself nodding off, my head nestled into the comfortable headrest, the seat adjusted by Carlisle to lean back for optimal resting.

As I dozed a bit, my mind flitted back to Jacob. I had been having increasingly frightening nightmares of that night in La Push this past week, and as a result, Jacob was more and more on my mind, no matter how hard I tried to forget him.

The events of that night a month ago were very unclear, definitely fuzzy. I remembered my emotions that night better than what I had seen and heard. The sense of paralyzing fear was most prominent. And, unfortunately, my nightmares were far clearer than my memories.

I wished that I could forget it all, wished that I could have my Jacob back—the sweet boy who had sneaked me food and books behind Billy's back—but my nightmares refused to allow it.

I had heard nothing from Billy or Jacob personally although Mrs. Jane had gone to their house to collect my clothes and few possessions from my room before taking my things to the Cullens' house day before yesterday. She had come to see me afterward, her lips folded into a thin, angry line when she mentioned the plywood-covered window and the deadbolted door. Then she looked worried when I had merely shrugged in response to her questions.

I had told her in an even, emotionless voice about being locked in my room again after only a couple of days at Forks High. I had wondered why Mrs. Jane hadn't come to check on me when I failed to appear at school for a week, but I found out that Billy was to blame once again. One of the Quileute women, Paul's mother I think, had just started a job in the office at Forks High, and, under Billy's orders, she had falsified my attendance records, marking me "present" for those days I had been locked in my room. So Mrs. Jane had no reason to think I wasn't exactly where I should have been.

I brushed aside her abject apologies, telling her that it wasn't her fault, but Mrs. Jane continued to blame herself for not checking on me personally. I understood that she was a busy woman with a huge caseload, and she had done all she could. In fact, I knew how far she had gone above and beyond in purchasing me clothing and school supplies, all from her own funds, despite telling me that the funds for the purchases for me came from the state.

Mrs. Jane had arrived early this morning to say goodbye and wish me well before my release, promising to stop by and visit me at the Cullens' home once a week at least.

My mind continued to wander as I dozed very lightly, feeling the car pull off the road but not bothering to open my eyes. We wound along the curvy road which was rather bumpy despite the luxurious seats of the Mercedes; perhaps it was a dirt road? But I was already too exhausted to look, and I couldn't help falling into a deeper sleep.

Moments later I heard low voices murmuring, and among the many words, I made out my name frequently. Vaguely I was aware of the car door opening, of someone unbuckling my seatbelt, lifting and carrying me. After a few moments I felt something soft underneath me, and I snuggled into the warmth and comfort. And slept.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

When I awoke, the place I was in was dark, practically pitch-black. Still drowsy, I tried to look around, feeling totally disoriented.

Where was I?

Was I back at Billy's?

Was I in the hospital?

I tried to sit up, but pain shot through my chest and ribs. Unbidden and unwelcome, tears began flowing down my cheeks and my heart raced in reaction to both pain and panic.

What happened?

Why did I hurt?

Who had hurt me?

A sob broke from my lips as fear rose in my throat. I was in danger, and I had to get away. I forced myself to sit up, struggling to throw something soft but weighted off my body.

As I tried to get to my feet, a door opened about fifteen feet away from me, light spilling from a hallway into the room, a man's body outlined in the doorway. Without thinking, I flinched away from the dark figure silhouetted against the light, another sob rising painfully from my chest as I stifled a scream.

"Ssssh, sssssh, Bella. It's all right, sweetheart," murmured a gentle voice from the doorway, soft and deep. A voice I knew well. "It is I, Carlisle."

It took me a moment to register that I wasn't in danger.

That I was safe.

That I was in the Cullens' home.

Relief flooded me, and inexplicably I burst into tears.

Almost immediately Carlisle was sitting on the bed beside me, his arms pulling me gently to his chest as he seated me beside him. Grasping his soft sweater in my fists, I cried like a small child in his arms, letting all the fear seep out of me as the tears rolled down my cheeks.

Vaguely I was aware of Carlisle murmuring comforting words as he held me, almost rocking me. Gradually my tears slowed, and I hiccuped a few times as my sobs quieted.

"There, there. You're all right. You're safe here, Isabella. You're fine," Carlisle crooned. I sniffled against his chest, then sat up, moving away from him a little, but he kept one arm around my shoulders.

I wasn't aware of anyone else in the room until I saw Esme beside me, holding a box of tissues toward me. I gave her a watery smile before taking a couple of tissues and blowing my nose as quietly as possible.

She walked across the still-dark room and switched on a small lamp which lit the room with a soft glow. Unaccustomed to even the dim light after sleeping so soundly, I blinked a few times as my eyes adjusted to the light after the darkness. Then at last I realized that I was in a guest bedroom, sitting on a bed with Carlisle beside me. Esme came back to us and sat on the other side of me, placing an arm around my shoulders as Carlisle moved to kneel in front of me.

"Are you truly all right now, Isabella?" he asked kindly, his eyes tight with concern.

I nodded, swallowing the last of my tears and wiping my eyes with another tissue from Esme's box. "I woke up and didn't know where I was, and the room was dark..." I whispered, looking down at my hands and feeling ashamed of my panic.

"How are you feeling?" Carlisle inquired gently.

"Stupid," I muttered, still not looking up.

He chuckled, and Esme hugged me to her; I was sure she was smiling.

"That's not what I meant," Carlisle corrected, smiling as he tipped my chin up with his finger so he could look at my face. "How do you feel physically? Are you in pain?"

I shrugged and averted my eyes, not wanted to complain. But my side and chest had been hurting since I awakened.

Esme reached out and took one of my hands. "Bella, sweetheart, you need to tell us when you're in pain so that we can help you. If you try to hide your pain, it will take you longer to heal," she scolded gently.

After watching me carefully for a few moments, Carlisle stood and strode to a long dresser across the room where a lot of pharmacy bottles were lined up. Opening a few bottles, he put some pills into a small paper cup, then poured a glass of water from a glass pitcher beside the bottles. He returned, handing me the cup of pills and the glass of water.

Frowning, I took the pills, peering into the cup. "What are these?" I asked, looking up at Carlisle.

"The white ones are for pain; the blue ones are anti-inflammatories."

I paused, deciding whether to take them. Carlisle frowned at my hesitation, so I obediently swallowed the pills with a gulp of water.

"Are you hungry, sweetie?" Esme inquired solicitously.

"Yes, please," I answered. I had finally worked up to soft foods after far too long on a liquid diet. That week on the liquid diet had totally sucked. Literally.

"Is there anything you're hungry for?" Esme asked.

"Grilled cheese?"

"I'll be back in just a few minutes with your sandwich," she smiled, giving my hand one more squeeze before getting up and disappearing out the door.

Carlisle helped to settle me into a sitting position against the pillows. I could tell that the pain meds were beginning to work; I was feeling rather fuzzy-minded, and the pain was fading nicely.

Apparently noting my droopy eyes, he asked, "Are the medications taking effect?"

I nodded.

Carlisle looked toward the doorway, then asked me, "Do you feel up for a little company before you eat?"

I hoped it was Alice, but it would probably be rude to ask. "Sure," I said.

And sure enough, Alice came bouncing into the room to stand beside Carlisle, practically trembling with excitement.

"Easy, Alice," warned Carlisle.

"No problem," Alice chirped. "Bella and I are going to be great friends." She grinned at me, and I couldn't help returning her smile.

"Let me know if you need anything, Isabella," Carlisle said as he got up.

"Thank you. Sorry for being so stupid," I apologized.

"Not at all. You woke in a dark, unknown place; I would have panicked, too," Carlisle reassured me as he paused in the doorway, smiled, then disappeared down the hallway.

Alice took Carlisle's place on the bed. "So, how so you like your room?" she asked excitedly. "Esme and I decorated it especially for you. This room used to be Carlisle's office, but he moved to a larger room upstairs so that you don't have to worry about the stairs." She continued chattering at an incredible speed that I almost managed to follow, telling me about the house, the Sol Duc River that flowed across the grounds, and whose rooms were where. "And Edward is all by himself on the third floor," she finished.

Smiling to myself, I wondered briefly if Alice had even taken a breath as she spoke so rapidly and enthusiastically. Then I realized what her last words had been...about Edward.

The mysterious Edward.

The angry Edward.

And my smile faded. I looked down at my hands in my lap, then decided that I had to ask.

"So what is Edward's problem?" I looked up at Alice as I inquired and was not surprised to see her face close up...as if she were worried.

"What did Carlisle tell you about Edward?" she asked tentatively, taking my hand in both of her cool ones.

"He said that Edward is going through a difficult time and that his moods didn't really have much to do with me," I replied, watching Alice's face closely.

From down the hall I heard an unmistakable snorting sound, as if someone were trying to stifle a laugh. A moment later Emmett appeared in the doorway, leaning nonchalantly against the frame, his arms folded across his chest.

"What a load of crock," he smirked, winking at me.

"Emmett...that's enough," scolded Esme as she stepped around his huge bulk, entering the room with a tray in her hands. Alice jumped off the bed, allowing Esme to settle the tray across my lap.

Suddenly I wasn't terribly hungry as I pondered what Emmett could mean. He continued leaning against the shiny white doorframe, watching me with amused eyes. As I thanked Esme and picked up half of the perfectly-grilled sandwich, Emmett shook his head, chuckling to himself.

"Emmett, don't you have some chores to do?" asked Esme exasperatedly, rolling her eyes.

"Yeah," he answered, shrugging.

Sighing, Esme turned to him. "How about doing them now?"

Emmett grinned at me as he straightened. "I'm really glad you're staying with us, Bella. The next few weeks are going to be so much fun with you here." He winked again, then disappeared down the hallway.

As I turned my eyes back to Esme and Alice, I caught them exchanging worried glances. Both of them forced smiles as soon as my attention returned to them and suddenly started chatting about inane topics while I forced myself to eat the sandwich off a china plate and warm applesauce from a crystal bowl. I sipped herbal tea from a matching china tea cup and wiped my fingers on a linen napkin.

"All this isn't necessary," I stated softly, waving my hand toward the beautifully-appointed tray, complete with a pink rose in a cut crystal bud vase. "I'm fine with paper plates and a mug of tea, really."

"Nonsense," Esme laughed, her eyes truly alight as the worry drained away. "I'm enjoying spoiling you, sweetheart. Please allow me the privilege of doing so."

I despised my easy tears as they sprang to my eyes again. It must be the pain and reactions to the medications Carlisle was giving me. "Thank you, Esme. So much," I choked out.

Esme removed my now-empty tray, handing it to Alice who pranced from the room with it. Then Esme seated herself beside me, pulling me into a gentle hug. "You need to be spoiled, my dear," she whispered. "You need to be spoiled rotten after all you've been through."

I buried my tear-laden face into her shoulder, feeling the coolness of her body through her soft cardigan sweater. What was it with these Cullens? Carlisle and Esme's touches were never warm; they were always cool—almost icy at times. I had noticed the same with Alice when she held my hand earlier.

Perhaps they all had a circulation disorder? But all the kids were adopted, right?

My head was beginning to ache with exhaustion, and Esme sensed my weakness as I drooped against her.

"You need to rest now, my dear," she said gently, smiling at me with motherly affection. "It's bedtime for you, I think. Do you need help to the bathroom?"

I blushed, embarrassed that I needed help, but grateful at the same time for her offer.

A few moments later Esme had settled me in bed, my teeth brushed and dressed in fresh pajamas. Alice appeared at the door again, smiling tentatively. "May I brush your hair before bed, Bella?" she asked almost shyly.

My hair was definitely a rat's nest after so long in the hospital. I had been dreading the detangling of my long hair, but I had noticed in the bathroom just now how bad it was but couldn't do it myself without significant discomfort.

"Sure. Thanks, Alice," I agreed smiling.

Esme leaned forward, pressing a cool kiss to my forehead. "Goodnight, my dear. Sleep well. Carlisle will come in to check on you before you sleep tonight."

"Goodnight, Esme," I replied as Alice rifled around in the bed table drawer. "Aha! A brush and comb!" she crowed.

Esme left the room while Alice shifted herself behind me to brush my hair. The brush wasn't an inexpensive plastic one but had a wooden handle and was made with natural bristles.

Alice gently and patiently brushed out my hair, section by section, using the comb from time to time but never pulling at my scalp. She didn't say much, and I relaxed back into the pillows supporting my back, growing drowsier the longer she brushed.

I was nearly dozing when she said at last, "There. We're done."

"Thank you, Alice," I spoke sleepily.

Carlisle appeared at my side; I hadn't noticed his entering the room. "How are you feeling, Bella?"

"Ready to sleep," I yawned, covering my mouth.

He smiled down at me, then leaned to press a kiss to my forehead. "Sleep well, then, my dear."

"Goodnight," I answered, watching Carlisle and Alice walk out of my room, Carlisle closing the door quietly behind them.

I was thankful to note that Esme had switched on a small nightlight in the corner of the room, keeping the room from being totally dark as it had been when I awakened from my nap.

I turned onto my side and fell asleep quickly, exhausted by the events of the day.

_Suddenly Jacob was standing above me as I lay flat on my back on the beach at La Push. Smiling yet with cold eyes, he leaned over and ripped my t-shirt down the front. As I tried to cover my exposed bra with my arms, he fell to his knees between my legs, grabbed my arms, and pinned them above my head. I struggled, but his large body pressed me into the sand. _

_ "You're gonna be good and quiet, Bella," Jacob hissed. "I don't want anyone coming over here to interrupt us. Got it?"_

_ I continued trying to struggle, but Jacob was too strong. When I wouldn't stop fighting him, he slapped me across the face, hard. _

_ "Stop, Jacob! Please, stop! Don't do this!" I begged, sobbing._

_ As he leaned close to me, his hot breath in my face, Jacob grinned. "I'm not stopping, Bella. And there's nothing you can do about it." _

_ I started screaming, "Help! Help! Help me!"_

_ Then I heard a different voice calling me. "Bella! Bella! You're okay, Bella!"_

_ "No! Jacob! No! Stop! Let me go!" I screamed, fighting against him, feeling hot tears racing down my face. _

"Bella! Wake up!"

My eyes sprung open, and when I saw a face above mine, I screamed again, "Nooooo! Leave me alone! Stop!"

"Bella! You're okay! You're safe here!"

I stopped thrashing as reason slowly returned to me following my hideous nightmare. But I couldn't control the tears. Seeking comfort, blindly I reached my arms and grasped him around his neck, sobbing into his chest.

He froze for a moment, then tentatively held my trembling body against his, shushing me gently.

"You're all right now, Bella," Edward whispered into my ear.

_**Thanks for being patient, everyone. I had a bad flare-up of my rheumatoid arthritis this weekend as well as being slammed by work. **_

**_I also want to thank Sherryola for recommending _Pinned but Fluttering _and I welcome all my new readers! Thank you so much for joining us in this little journey. _**

**_Just to let you know, I am giving up READING fan fiction stories for Lent. I'll keep writing and posting _Pinned but Fluttering _and anything else that I happen to write over the next 6 1/2 weeks, but I'll only be reading fics on Sundays which are not part of Lent. I have speaking engagements for the next three weekends, so I'll be updating in about a week or so. _**

_**Thank you for reading and reviewing! I appreciate you all sooooo much! :) **_

_**Much love,**_

_**Cassandra :)**_


	28. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

**_As always, all things _Twilight_ belong to Stephenie Meyer; I am merely having a blast torturing her human and immortal characters alike. _**

When I realized that Edward was sitting on my bed and holding me in his arms, I panicked. Shutting my eyes, I fought weakly against him; all I could see in my mind was Edward's dark glare from that day in school so long ago, with his stark, black eyes narrowed in hatred as they bore into my very soul.

The panic of waking in Edward's arms combined with the dregs of fear remaining from my nightmare threw me into a painful frenzy, and my only goal was to get away from anyone who could hurt me as the remembered images of the Jacob's violence and near-rape pounded into my mind with a stunning ferocity. As I feebly struggled against his cool embrace to gain my freedom, I don't remember screaming, but the rawness of my throat afterward painfully proved that I had called out in fright and panic.

As I thrashed wildly against him, Edward abruptly released me although he remained seated on the edge of my bed. With both of us watching the other with wary intensity, I gingerly pulled myself into a sitting position in bed, my surprised eyes fixed suspiciously on his face. His expression was also one of shock, as if something had happened that he had not expected to occur.

His brow furrowed with concern and confusion, Edward reached his hand toward me, opening his mouth as if to speak. Not yet over my panic, I cringed away from his proffered hand, still afraid of both Edward and of the nightmare. As I curled in upon myself, Edward closed his mouth abruptly and withdrew his hand; it was as if something shuttered his eyes, his face, his entire expression...which now appeared removed and coldly distant as he got to his feet with an odd, otherworldly grace.

Despite the illogical fear that made me tremble, for one moment I wondered if Edward were an alien. You know, a being from another planet kind of alien? For a split-second he moved in a way that seemed positively inhuman, at least to me.

_Great. Now I was imagining things_, I thought as I shook my head gently to clear it.

While Edward releasing me had calmed my panic somewhat, I also felt oddly bereft...as if I had been where I should be but was there no longer. It was a strangely unsettling sensation...quite unpleasant, in fact, and I lowered my face to stare at my hands in my lap as I recalled his mixed reaction.

_I probably disgusted him somehow. _

_ Yes, that had to be it._

_ Edward had always seemed disgusted by me at school..._

For the briefest of moments, I felt something icy cold graze my cheekbone had which remained extremely sensitive long after the bruises, courtesy of Jacob, had disappeared. As if I felt a sudden chill, I shivered, and for some reason beyond my ken, my heart fluttered wildly, frightened again, a bird trapped within the cage of my chest.

And it wasn't because of Jacob, even though I was proud that I could think his name without wincing inwardly. Much...

Taking in deep breaths to regain my composure, ignoring the searing pain that those same deep breaths caused, I looked up at Edward.

Although I had never seen nor heard him move away from me, Edward now stood in the doorway to the hall, all the way across the large bedroom. His eyes bore into mine for another brief moment, his face set in a sort of inexpressible emotion...the contradictory term "exultant grimace_"_ came to my mind, but although it was close to describing his expression, it still wasn't quite right.

Edward gave me a sort of bemused glare that fortunately held no hint of the dark, dangerous malice I so clearly remembered from our wordless interactions at Forks High, yet his face contained no warmth, either. I'm not sure what emotion was revealed to me in the brief moment before he resumed his customary glare. However, his careful mask had slipped for a mere second, and I had glimpsed the tortured soul hidden so carefully from prying eyes. But that glimpse brought a strangely satisfied smile to my lips as he disappeared silently down the hall.

Unthinkingly, I reached up to my cheekbone, and it was as if I sensed the icy coldness of his touch...for now I was fairly sure of the source of the strange numb feeling remaining beneath my fingers. Inexplicably, I felt as if I had been marked somehow, almost as if I had been branded with cold rather than with heat.

It was the strangest feeling, and I lacked the words to express it fully.

All I knew was that I felt empty and dissatisfied without it.

Beneath my hand I also detected the dampness of tears...which I must have shed during my sleep and subsequent panic. Lowering my hand to my lap, I shivered again, and a deep loneliness gripped my heart.

Vaguely wondering where the rest of the Cullen family was and feeling somewhat surprised that people who tended to hover over me constantly had somehow failed to comfort me, I laid back down, curling into a fetal position on my side, facing the wall.

Tears continued to seep from beneath my closed eyelids as I struggled mightily to suppress the sobs that tried to burst forth. But as I assumed that Edward remained in the house, I didn't want him to hear me cry. I didn't want him to see me as weak any longer, a little girl sobbing for the human comfort she craved.

I couldn't express why I felt so bereft, so alone. Residual fear and grief from my nightmare must be the reason; I could conceive of no other logical source.

I hadn't lain there long...or at least I didn't think I had...before I felt a cold but comforting hand on my shoulder.

"Isabella? Are you all right?"

For some reason, at his gentle voice and fatherly touch, I burst into tears, and Carlisle had lifted me into his arms. I sobbed noisily into his cool chest, fisting his shirt in my inexplicable grief and finding the wintry temperature of Carlisle's body a welcome respite to my hot, tear-streaked face.

A moment later, I felt another cold hand smoothing my sleep-tousled hair from my face with soothing caresses, and Esme's comforting murmurs helped to quiet my crying.

Finally my sobs calmed although tears continued washing down my face. Worn out from the crippling fear and grief, I felt myself slipping back into sleep. Esme and Carlisle eased me back onto my pillows and tucked me in as if I were a small child...which I rather liked, at least now when I had felt so empty...until now when embraced by both Carlisle and Esme. My last conscious thought before sleep overtook me was to pray that I wouldn't have another Jacob-nightmare for the rest of the night.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

I'm not sure what time I woke the next morning, but my eyes felt grainy and every part of my body ached. Last night's crying jag had taken so much out of me that I felt unaccountably weary and completely worn out even though, according to the old-fashioned white clock on the bedtable, I had slept most of the morning away.

I had no sooner pulled myself to a sitting position in bed with a groan that my door flew open, and Alice skipped into the room.

"Good morning, Bella!" she chirped, smiling from ear to ear.

"How can you be so damn cheerful in the morning?" I grumbled, pushing my crazed hair out of my face with a frown.

"Because it's practically afternoon!" Alice crowed, moving with incredible grace to one of the two picture windows and opening the curtains.

In the diffused light of yet another cloudy day, I finally took a moment to observe the pretty room that Esme and Alice had prepared for me. The full bed had a lovely wooden headboard, painted bright, shiny white and curved between the medium-height posts. A lower footboard was also curved with a lower height and lower posts than those at the head of the bed, giving the bed an old-fashioned look with a modern update. On the bed was a white quilt dotted small, deep purple flowers with pale green leaves and embroidered with lavender thread. The walls were a deep lavender with white crown molding against the pale lavender ceiling. All the furniture was white, as were the double closet doors and the door to the hallway and en-suite bathroom.

I could glimpse the bathroom through the partially-open door; the bottom half of the walls were white wainscoting, with the top half papered with deep purple flowers—columbine or lupine—with sage green leaves against a white background. I could also see a white pedestal sink and a huge white clawfoot tub, with a white embroidered shower curtain through the door.

The two large picture windows brightened the room considerably. The curtains were the same purple-flowered material as the wallpaper in the bathroom and on my quilt. Diffuse light brightened the room considerably, and the cheerful purple flowers stood out beautifully against the clean white of the wallpaper background. I sighed happily as Alice flounced to my bed and seated herself.

"You're practically smiling," she observed, her own grin obviously infectious.

"How could I not smile in such a beautiful room? Thank you, Alice. Really, it's perfect."

I hadn't thought that Alice's smile could widen any farther than, but she managed it nicely as she took in my words.

"You like it, then? Esme will be pleased," she said, trying to contain her obvious desire to bounce for joy. I was thankful she restrained herself; the aches and pains from head to foot were really bothering me, and Alice's smile shrunk as she noticed the wince I was trying to conceal as the bed shifted with her movement.

"You're in pain, aren't you?" Alice observed quietly. "Let me get Carlisle for you."

"No!" I interjected quickly, reaching for her then gasping with pain. Swallowing hard, I ground out through clenched teeth, "I wouldn't want to bother him."

"Bella," she reproved. "We're here to help, you know. And we can't help you if you are constantly hiding how you feel from us."

"Alice is quite right," Carlisle stated smoothly as he entered my room, his brow furrowed. "If you're hurting, Isabella, we need to know."

I nodded miserably and obediently took the pills he dispensed from the miniature pharmacy he had set up atop the tall, white wooden dresser across the room.

"Alice, Isabella needs sleep," Carlisle frowned as he watched me swallow the pills and hand him back the glass of water.

"All right, all right," she grumbled adorably, rising gracefully to her feet and moved to the door, as lovely as any ballerina.

"How about a short bath before those pain meds take effect?" Carlisle suggested.

I felt gross enough to jump (metaphorically, of course) at the opportunity to bathe and thus feel remotely human for the first time in...forever, it seemed. The nurses at the hospital had only sponge-bathed me, so sliding into a steaming tub, especially a beautiful clawfoot tub, seemed like a dream come true.

As if she had been called, Esme entered the room with a soft hello, then moved to the bathroom. I heard water running into the tub, and I swear that I was practically salivating at the thought of a bath.

With a smile at my eagerness, Carlisle left Esme and myself to the bath, and I was so terribly impatient to get clean that I would have crawled across the floor as if it were the Sahara Desert and not a neatly-installed wooden floor. But of course, Esme would let me do nothing of the sort. Gently she helped me to disrobe, then allowed me my modesty as she turned her face away when helping me into the steaming tub. But I was fine once I was in the tub as the lilac-scented bubbles helped concealing me. Esme couldn't very well leave me alone to bathe in my weakened state, so she gently washed my long hair for me, giving me a heavenly scalp massage that greatly refreshed me.

After my hair was washed and I had loofah-ed my body, I leaned back in the still-hot water, thankful for the small inflatable bath pillow that made lounging in the huge tub a completely relaxing and rejuvenating experience. Esme smiled at my sigh of satisfaction.

"Does the bath feel nice?" she asked kindly.

"You have no idea," I smiled, feeling feather-light as I inhaled the lilac scent of the bubble bath.

Esme laughed quietly, then we fell into a comfortable silence as I closed my eyes and she hummed lightly under her breath. When the bath water began cooling, she helped me out of the tub, being careful not to let me slip, and assisted me in putting on clean dark-purple knit pajamas with a small bow at the modestly-scooped neckline.

"These are so comfortable," I remarked as Esme helped me back into bed. She had just fluffed my pillows and settled me in when a familiar deep voice emanated from the doorway.

"Knock, knock."

I peered around Esme to see Emmett standing there, leaning nonchalantly against the doorway.

"Is that your favorite pose?" I snarked at him, smiling to take the sting from my acerbic words.

"You got it, babe," he grinned. "May I enter the purple sanctuary?" Emmett laughed as I rolled my eyes dramatically.

"Be nice, Emmett," Esme reminded in a scolding tone. "I'm going to make you some breakfast, Bella. What would you like?"

"Better make that brunch," stated Emmett teasingly. "Bella slept half the day, and we have a ton of movies to watch today."

I smiled at Esme. "Anything is fine, Esme. I'm not picky."

"Eggs and toast?" she suggested, and I nodded, replying "Perfect."

Esme turned to Emmett. "Behave yourself," she reminded Emmett, and I was surprised by the slight sharpness in her tone.

"Always," Emmett responded, looking hurt but winking at me behind Esme's back.

As Esme gave him one last warning glare, Emmett came in and sat on the side of my bed. "So," he started, then fanned out about six DVD cases, only they were a little smaller, in his gargantuan hand, as if he were holding playing cards. "Whatcha wanna watch?"

He handed me the DVD-like cases so I could look them over. "I don't think I should laugh too much yet; it still hurts," I noted quietly.

"Damn. These are all hilarious movies. I wanted to keep you cheered up here. That's my job, you know." Emmett actually looked a little sad at my nixing his comedies, and although I knew he was probably faking it in order to watch the movie he wanted to, I still felt guilty for disappointing him.

"Hey, I thought of a good movie. It's more amusing than funny, so you shouldn't laugh too much, and it's one of my all-time favorites."

"Okay, which one?" I asked, laying out the movies on my quilt.

He pointed to one with a strange ghost-like cartoon on the front surrounded by a red circle with a line through it. Grinning, Emmett recited, "_Ghostbusters_. 1984. Bill Murray and Dan Ackroyd, with Sigourney Weaver and Harold Ramis."

I raised my eyebrow, impressed with his movie expertise. He laughed, then walked to what looked like a white wardrobe across from the end of my bed. Pulling open the two doors, Emmett revealed a wide-screen television, Blu-Ray player, stereo with iPod dock, and a few other bells and whistles that he cheerfully pointed out to me.

"This was my and Jasper's contribution to your room," Emmett declared proudly.

I didn't tell him that I had no idea what a Blu-Ray player or half the other stuff was, figuring that I would find out in good time. Emmett shuffled around with stuff for a couple of minutes, then the movie started.

Pulling up a padded deep purple chair from the far corner of the room that I hadn't noticed, Emmett settled it beside my bed so we could watch the movie together.

_Ghostbusters_ was amusing, and I found myself giggling softly from time to time, mostly at the atrocious 80's clothing and hair styles. Esme brought me my breakfast on a tray, and I ate as we continued to watch.

Soon I began feeling sleepy again, and when Emmett noticed my drowsiness, he hardly teased me at all as he paused the movie, removed my breakfast tray, and clumsily helped me lower my pillows to sleep. I think I felt him kiss the top of my head as he scooped up my tray, lowered the window blinds, and left the room, closing the door only partway behind him.

I was asleep within one minute.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

I'm not sure how long I napped, but I woke to a pleasant murmur of voices just outside my room. Too drowsy and comfortable to move, I detected Carlisle's voice, low but troubled, and the musical tones I was quite certain belonged to Edward.

"What was I supposed to do, Carlisle? She was practically screaming bloody murder in there. I couldn't let her suffer like that! I had to go in to her!" Edward sounded defensive and upset.

"Now, Son, you're misunderstanding me," Carlisle soothed. "I don't fault you for attempting to comfort her. I shouldn't have placed you in that position; I should have stayed behind to watch her instead."

"You had to go, Carlisle. It was past time, and it was entirely necessary. That's what Esme told me."

"I know. But I should have waited and gone alone after everyone else had returned; I should not have left Isabella alone. It was selfish of me to think of my own comfort and put her in danger."

"She wasn't alone," argued Edward, his voice rising slightly. "I was here, and I took care of it. End of story."

"However did you manage it...being so near her? I appreciate your wishing to comfort Isabella, truly I do. But that doesn't change the fact that it was a highly dangerous thing for you to do, Edward."

Carlisle sighed, then stated, "I won't leave her again unless Alice or Esme will be here with her."

"So you're not working at the hospital for now?" Edward asked.

"No, I've asked for a few weeks' leave; I have accumulated several weeks of vacation pay I've never used, and the administrators were getting suspicious about my distaste for taking vacation time."

I couldn't help feeling guilty for Carlisle's taking time away from his ER duties just to take care of me. He could be out there helping others, but now he was stuck with me.

Then I caught their voices again.

"Fine. I'll stay away from her, if you think it's best," Edward sighed, and I thought I heard an undercurrent of sadness beneath his words. I felt a stab of emptiness at his words as well.

"It is for the best, Edward. I'm sorry for placing you in this situation; you should not feel unwanted under your own roof," Carlisle's voice was gentle and sympathetic yet a steeliness was there, too.

"Don't worry, Carlisle. I'm quite used to feeling unwanted by now." Edward's tone was bitter, and I suddenly felt tears burn my eyes.

"Edward, don't-" called Carlisle, but apparently Edward had left him standing alone outside my room.

Swiftly I closed my eyes, and, sure enough, Carlisle entered my room. With my emotions all over the place, my heart pounded in my chest, and I tried to keep my breathing even, but I was failing utterly. I felt Carlisle's cool hand on my forehead as his fingers sought my wrist to check my pulse.

I opened my eyes to see Carlisle bending over me, his face concerned.

"Were you dreaming again, Isabella?" he asked quietly as he held his cool fingers against the inside of my wrist.

I nodded, unable to speak...or to lie to him outright.

Carlisle shook his head for a moment, his eyes sad, then helped me into a sitting position in bed just as Esme entered with my evening meal.

He watched my expression carefully as the scent of chicken soup wafted toward me. "Hungry?" he asked as Esme placed the tray in front of me. Obviously homemade chicken noodle soup with my favorite grilled cheese and a small bowl of sliced strawberries topped with a dollop of whipped cream greeted me, and I nodded enthusiastically as Esme adjusted my pillows and placed the tray in front of me.

I smiled at Carlisle as I dug in, famished and ready to eat it all; the food looked and smelled so appetizing.

"Esme, you're an amazing cook," I complimented her as I scooped up more soup. I think even the noodles were homemade, not the dried store-bought pasta I was used to.

Esme smiled, but as I ate, I noticed Esme and Carlisle exchange a strained look...as if she were trying to persuade him of something and he was refusing.

Several mysteries were lurking around the Cullen household, and I had the strange but somehow right feeling that Edward was at the center of the secret...

_**Thank you for being so patient with my schedule over the past couple of weeks. I should be back to posting on weekends from now on, probably Sunday evenings, California time. **_

**_I had a very happy birthday on Friday; my kids gave me DVD's of _Breaking Dawn Part 1 _and_ Downton Abbey Season 1. :) _I just can't believe I'm (mumble mumble). Yep, I'm that ancient. ;)_**

_**Welcome to all my new readers, thanks to Sherryola's lovely recommendation. I'm so glad you've joined us on this journey. **_

_**Please do take the time to review—I love hearing from you all!**_

_**Warmly,**_

_**Cassandra :)**_


	29. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28**

**Disclaimer:_ All things _Twilight_ belong to Stephenie Meyer; I am merely toying with her wonderful characters. _**

I spent the first week of my convalescence in the beautifully decorated purple room, surrounded by flowers on the walls, on my quilt, and in small white vases that Esme kept filled with fresh sprigs of lavender and deep blue freesia with touches of white tulips here and there. I've never had anyone bring me flowers before, but Esme and Alice replenished the vases daily from their flower garden.

I had to admit that I couldn't wait to be well enough to check out this apparently magnificent flower garden, but Carlisle cautioned me to rest and that the flowers weren't going anywhere...except into my room anyway, apparently. His good-natured teasing caused Esme to roll her eyes dramatically, and I found myself giggling softly.

The light of joy in both Carlisle's and Esme's faces alerted me to what I had done; I couldn't remember the last time I had giggled like the schoolgirl I actually am. When I told Esme that fact, she looked as if she was going to start sobbing right then and there, excusing herself to get fresh towels for me in a suspiciously-choked voice. Carlisle cleared his voice a little too hard, too, averting his gaze so that I couldn't see the emotion in them.

I found myself feeling much lighter emotionally as I lay in the beautiful room surrounded by flowers and good books which I think Carlisle or someone else sneaked into my room while I slept. All of my favorites slowly made their way to my bedtable or into the white-painted bookshelves flanking the purple chair in the corner. Austen, the Brontes, Shakespeare, Dickens...all my old friends had arrived, in different bindings but still the same wonderful friends beneath the unfamiliar, expensive leather and gilded pages.

So Esme continued to spoil me with various tempting dishes from her kitchen; I don't know how this family didn't gain fifty pounds each from all of her excellent meals, but they all remained quite slender, even huge Emmett who was all muscle and no fat, as he proudly informed me at least twice a day, trying to make me laugh.

While I was confined to the purple room, Alice and Emmett devoted themselves to my entertainment. Emmett and I watched at least one movie a day from the vast Cullen collection of classic and modern films while Alice regaled me with amusing stories about the family and tried to interest me in various occupations, the latest of which was crocheting.

But of course I was a dismal failure with anything remotely craft-related and gave up with a groan of frustration that had Esme hurrying to me to see if I was in pain. Alice and I exchanged a glance then laughed merrily, Esme joining in reluctantly.

After that, Alice abandoned all craft projects, electing to either chat with me or watch some of the chick flicks that Emmett would not tolerate. Jasper occasionally accompanied her during our conversation, joining us in the cheerful room which was the only part of the house I had seen as of yet. Despite Jasper's stoic, almost military bearing, I unaccountably felt more peaceful in his presence. He rarely spoke, but his indulgent smile as he watched Alice interact with me as if we were sisters made me like him more and more, even if his obvious restraint around me was more than a little intimidating.

Although my relationship with Jasper was progressing ever-so-slowly, I saw nothing of Rosalie. She never entered the purple room; I only knew of her existence as her name came up in conversation, mostly from Emmett, of course. Due to everyone else's quick change of topic whenever Emmett mentioned Rosalie, I had reluctantly gathered that not only did Rosalie not welcome me into the Cullen home, but that she also refused to approve of my presence here at all.

I was still too tired and too weak to ask questions about Rosalie's rudeness when the Cullens deftly changed the subject, apparently reluctant to injure my feelings.

Although he tried to be mellow about it, I was well-aware that Carlisle watched over my well-being like a golden-eyed hawk. He seemed concerned not only with my physical healing but with my emotional state as well. Each time that he attempted to probe gently into my past, I shut down, not ready to discuss all that had happened yet. I would talk with Carlisle later; with his obvious compassion, he was the kind of person who invited confidences and would most likely be not only an excellent listener but also be a perceptive adviser as well.

I just needed a little time, and Carlisle seemed to understand what I needed, assuring me silently with a gentle squeeze of my hand, that he was there for me whenever I was ready to talk.

I viewed speaking of my past with Carlisle rather like dental work: painful at the time, but I'd feel much better afterward. When I told him this, he smiled, then leaned forward to press a kiss to my forehead. "You know that you may talk to me, or to Esme if you'd rather discuss 'girl topics,' any time you wish, Isabella. We're here for you."

My eyes burned for a moment with sudden tears, and I nodded, squeezing his cold hand in return, my throat too thick with unshed tears for speaking.

During my first week of recovery in the Cullen household, I rarely saw Edward, and when I did, we were never alone together. We had yet to have a conversation of any kind beyond his worried comments and questions following my nightmare, yet his expressive eyes, a pale gold rather than the familiar black I remembered from Forks High, watched over me with an odd intensity that often provoked my easy blushes.

Once when Jasper, Alice, and Edward were all visiting with me in my pretty room, Alice carrying the entire conversation with bright determination, I noticed Jasper staring first at me, then meaningfully at Edward. Then Jasper's eyes, also a pale gold similar to Edward's, shifted back to me, then again to Edward, as if he were engrossed in a tennis match.

Without warning, Edward threw up his hands in frustration, rising rapidly to his feet as he glared malevolently at Jasper. Edward glanced once at me, a confused and somehow hurt expression crossing his beautiful face before he left my room with a hurried and frustrated grace.

Jasper threw Alice a calculating look, then rose gracefully to his feet, following Edward from the room.

Alice looked at me, bemused for a moment, then opened her mouth to speak. But Esme bustled into my room, carrying my lunch tray, and the strange, silent conversations were pushed to the back of my mind. For a little while.

But as I mulled over that scene and similar ones on nights when sleep eluded me, I became increasingly convinced that something quite strange was going on right in front me. Once I regained my strength, I promised myself, I will unearth the Cullens' secret. Their changing eye color, the coolness of their touch, the otherworldly grace and speed in which they moved, their immediate and constant awareness of my well-being (or the lack of it) as well as each others'.

It was all quite a mystery.

A week after my arrival, Carlisle gave permission for Emmett to carry me around the house while Esme gave me a guided tour. Although I adored the bright and pretty guest room, I was becoming increasingly restless, and Carlisle thought that a slight change of scenery would be beneficial.

So after Esme helped me to bathe and dress in a fresh pair of soft cotton-knit lounging pajamas, Emmett wrapped me in a light blanket (deep purple, of course), stuck my slippers awkwardly on my feet (while I laughed at him), and scooped me into his huge, muscular arms.

The way he carried me as though I weighed nothing at all was quite impressive; he threw back his head and guffawed when I mentioned it to him.

Emmett carried me from the guest room through a short hallway then into an extravagant great room which was decorated in shades of white and pale cream. The foyer area near the front door was paved in pale Italian marble, and the white walls were slightly distressed, giving the air of an Italian villa to the large room which was carpeted in a luxurious white. Winter white sofas were placed at angles, with armchairs also in white-on-white flowered damask flanked the sofas, and the furniture was whitewashed in a shabby-chic fashion. A few modern paintings graced the walls, most of them geometric in soft shades of white, creams, and the palest greens. A huge entertainment center took up an entire wall; I was certain that a plasma television of epic proportions was concealed behind the closed doors above the expensive surround-sound stereo system, various gaming consoles, and extensive CD, DVD, and Blu-Ray collections.

On a raised area near the front door was a gorgeous white grand piano; I wondered which of the Cullens played.

A curved arch led into a dining room papered with white damask matching the great room's armchairs, along with white carpeting and a beautiful antique table in a contrasting dark wood; the eight dining room chairs were slip-covered in off-white linen, and a crystal vase filled with white orchids accentuated the otherwise bare table. A dark wood china cabinet-sideboard displayed a collection of white china with platinum edges and antique silver; the exquisite tea service centered on the sideboard appeared to be decades, if not centuries, old.

Around the corner from the entertainment center and adjoining the dining room from a different direction than the great room was a beautiful modern kitchen with dark granite countertops, dark wood cupboards, and a huge breakfast bar lined with four bar stools. From the breakfast bar, one had a view of the entire kitchen, complete with shimmering stainless steel appliances. Despite the latest features, the kitchen maintained an old-world charm that characterized the house as a whole.

But the most arresting feature of the great room was the south-facing wall which consisted entirely of a floor-to-ceiling and wall-to-wall window. Sheer white drapes would kept out the sun's rays in the event of a rare sunny day in Forks, but I could see through the simple sheer curtains across a large redwood deck to the beautiful green lawn, shaded by half a dozen spreading trees. The rolling green lawn sloped gradually to the rocky banks of a wide river. The view was stunning, absolutely exquisite, and I gasped at the incredible scene before me.

Emmett grinned mischievously at my gobsmacked expression, and Esme couldn't hide her smile at my response.

"Do you like it, sweetheart?" she asked me, her eyes alight with happiness and pride.

Words were totally inadequate to express the feelings the beautiful house and its natural surroundings evoked in me. I could only nod in bemused agreement.

Emmett was smiling gently down at me, amused yet pleased with my shock and obvious pleasure. "Upstairs now?" he asked, grinning at my enthusiastic nod.

Esme led the way up the majestic stairway, the beautifully carved railing in dark wood stark against the white walls. The stairs themselves were also dark wood with a white Berber carpeting runner for traction. The wall seemed to almost glisten whitely, and I caught the faint scent of wet paint in the air; I couldn't help wondering why they would be painting now as the rooms seemed settled and well-used.

"Did you just paint, Esme?" I asked, curious.

"Yes, this wall here," Esme indicated the wall along the stairway, hung with charcoal and pencil sketches which seemed extremely familiar. I had pored over similar sketches, absorbing the artist's extraordinary attention to detail, his subtle shadings, his careful renderings of elements he would later apply to his most famous works.

I gestured toward the half-dozen sketches, causing Emmett to halt halfway up the staircase. "These look like Leonardo DaVinci's sketches. Ja—I mean, someone checked out an art book for me from the school library years ago, and I was fascinated by DaVinci's preliminary sketches; I must have stared at each of them for hours. His sketches made quite an impression on me."

Esme cleared her throat awkwardly as she replied, "Um, yes. Carlisle likes to collect reproductions of Renaissance artists' work; DaVinci is a favorite of his."

Emmett began to climb the stairs again, but my eyes remained glued to the framed sketches. I could tell that the framing was expensive, and the paper on which the sketches were made looked incredibly old while still being remarkably-well preserved.

Somehow I had the strangest feeling that those six sketches were not reproductions but the real deal. The suddenly nervous looks on Esme's averted visage and Emmett's all-too-expressive face gave them away.

But I said nothing, storing up another question or two for the mysterious Cullens when the opportunity presented itself.

We reached the second floor, and Esme showed me into the first room in which Carlisle was seated behind an antique wooden desk of immense proportions. Three walls were lined with bookshelves, and, as Emmett turned me about, the wall through which we had just entered was covered with artwork: some pieces quite small and others nearly the size of the double-wide doorway itself.

Carlisle stood, graciously indicating the room with a sweep of his arm. "My office, obviously," he smiled gently at me.

"It's beautiful," I whispered, hungering after the roomful of books, most of them antique, leather-bound editions. A red leather armchair was nestled in the corner, a tall brass floor lamp on one side, a small dark-wood table stacked with books on the other side. Three oblong windows were spaced high along the far wall, almost against the ceiling; I had never seen windows positioned like that.

Carlisle saw me gazing at the windows and kindly explained, "As I have many valuable antique books here in my library, direct sunlight can damage them severely. Thus these windows let in some light and, in summer, a nice breeze, but no sunshine on the books."

But I remained curious. "How do you open and shut them? You can't possible reach them," I stated, my eyes large with the feast of books before me.

Carlisle moved to the fireplace directly behind his desk and removed a long brass pole with a large, heavy-looking brass hook on the end. Grasping the pole in his hands, he reached with the hook to shut the window, then reopen it again.

I wanted to clap at the brilliancy of Carlisle's demonstration, but my bright smile must have conveyed my feelings. He came over to me, touched his hand to my forehead for a moment in more of a fatherly caress than a doctorly checking of my temperature. "Let Emmett show you around the rest of this floor, then back to bed with you, all right? I don't want you getting overtired, Isabella."

"Yes, Boss," replied Emmett mockingly, and we all smiled, including Carlisle, who returned to work at his desk as Esme and Emmett continued our tour.

Adjoining Carlisle's library/office was his and Esme's bedroom, a lovely room in mossy greens and soft whites, the room dominated by a huge four-poster bed and the south wall of glass looking out into the canopy of tree boughs. I was surprised (and a little shocked, which I tried to conceal) to discover that Alice and Jasper shared a room, all in varying shades of cheerful yellows with contrasting touches of cornflower blues. Emmett and Rosalie also shared a room, decorated in a more tailored style of strong reds with dark wood furniture and luxurious velvet-upholstered furniture.

"So are you scandalized yet? Have we totally blown your Victorian sensibilities?" Emmett teased me, noting my easy blushes as we peered into the two bedrooms which also looked southward into the tangle of tree branches with the music of the river wafting through the open windows.

"We'll skip the en-suite bathrooms; there's no need to see those," Esme interrupted Emmett's relentless ribbing.

At the end of the hallway was a short winding stair, circular, with wrought-iron railings trailing with metallic ivy leaves. "Attic?" I asked, pointing up the stairwell.

"No, just Edward's room; he's the only one on the third floor," Emmett replied before Esme could.

"Edward prefers his privacy, so we won't intrude," Esme said quietly, leading us back down the hallway and down the grand staircase.

My eyes were drooping with exhaustion by this point, so we saved Esme's gardens for another day, and Emmett laid me back on my bed. While I had been touring the house, Alice changed my sheets; I could smell the lovely fresh scent of lavender as Esme tucked me in for a nap.

I was asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. The last thing I remembered before sleep claimed me was the sinking in my stomach when we didn't go upstairs to see Edward's room.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

The next day I woke feeling much stronger...and rather irritable. After eating my breakfast in bed as usual, I begged Esme to let me rest in the main room for part of the day, and after a consultation with Carlisle, she agreed.

After helping me bathe and change into a very comfortable deep sapphire-blue velour hoody and matching bottoms, Esme brushed my long hair into a high ponytail; it was a relief to have it out of my face.

"May I walk out there? Please? My legs are so stiff that I really need to move around," I practically begged.

Esme acquiesced, offering her arm for support. I was good and tired by the time I reached the sofa; Alice must have overheard us and already had a kind of bed made up on the sofa with a white sheet tucked around the bottom sofa cushions, two fluffy feather pillows in white eyelet-edged cases, a top sheet, also edged in eyelet, and a cream-colored velour blanket. A fresh bunch of lavender was in a small crystal vase on the coffee table in front of the sofa, along with a stack of books, new magazines, and some DVD's I hadn't yet seen.

As Esme settled me into the bed on the sofa, I leaned back into the pillows, basking in the comfortable bed and new surroundings. Alice bounced downstairs, ready to introduce me to some period dramas she thought I'd appreciate, starting with a new British offering called _Downtown Abbey_. We settled into watch the family drama which took place just before the outbreak of World War I in 1914. The cast was remarkable; I very much admired the actress, whom Alice informed me was named Maggie Smith, who played the extremely proper dowager duchess.

We were laughing over some acerbic remark of the dowager countess toward Americans when we heard a choked sound behind us. Alice didn't bother turning to see what the sound was, but I did.

Edward was standing behind us, his eyes focused on the plasma-screen on which the television series played. His face, usually pale, was completely void of all color, a deadly white, and his golden eyes were huge with shock. Both fists were clenched, the knuckles white, and he trembled where he stood.

"Edward? Are you all right?" I asked, ready to throw back the covers and go to him.

At my words, he made a great effort to pull himself together. He removed his eyes from the television to stare at me with an odd desperation, and reason seemed to return to him.

Taking two steps backward, toward the staircase, he responded coldly, "I am fine. Stay where you are." His words seem to be ground out through clenched teeth, and his hands remained fisted at his side.

My mouth fell open in surprise at his rudeness, yet I could see that shock, not bad manners, was the cause of his behavior.

His eyes, eternal in their suffering, moved from me and narrowed into a glare directed at Alice, who was watching him quietly over her shoulder, a satisfied smile on her face.

Edward muttered something under his breath that sounded like a string of curse words, then he moved awkwardly to the front door as if something was holding him back. I had never seen him (or any of the Cullens) move in a way that was not graceful...yet another question I added to my list when I asked Carlisle about his wonderful but odd family.

With one last glance at me, his golden eyes burning into mine for a mere second yet expressing so much depth of feeling without speaking a word, Edward wrenched open the front door and left the house, slamming the door shut behind him with such force that the framed photo next to the door clattered to the floor, shattering glass across the white-tiled foyer like so many glittering teardrops.

For that moment, the entire house trembled with the intensity and violence of Edward's emotions.

_**Welcome to all my new readers here, especially the ones who came here from Sherryola's rec. Welcome! So glad you're here!**_

_**I'll be posting the next chapter next Sunday. My speaking gigs are over until May, so now it's just online classes, co-op classes, and homeschooling, along with my online grading/editing business to keep up with. And a husband and four kids. Yeah, just that. So I should have plenty of time to write (LOL). **_

**_I have a rec for you all: if you haven't read _Serenity's Prayer _by LadyLibre, you need to! http: / www. Fanfiction. Net/ s/7630525/1 /Serenitys_ Prayer (remove spaces, please)_**

_**Have a wonderful week, everyone! **_

_**-Cassandra :)**_


	30. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

**I updated this story on Sunday night, but for some reason, it didn't seem to post. So I'll try it again...**

_**The usual disclaimer: Twilight and its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer; I'm just torturing them for my own sick amusement...**_

_**Enjoy my longest chapter yet—over 4,000 words! :)**_

"What did I do?" I asked weakly, the room still reverberating from the sheer force of Edward's dramatic exit.

Alice seemed completely unperturbed. "Oh, it was nothing you _did_, Bella," she said, waving a hand toward me airily while rolling her dark gold eyes. Then she flashed me a wide grin, a "cat-just-ate-the-canary" kind of grin. Refusing to say another word, she returned to watching _Downton Abbey_. I tried to join her, but as engrossing as the drama enfolding the Crawley family and their household staff was, the events portrayed on the widescreen television were the furthest topic from my thoughts...

While we watched the remainder of the episode, I was aware of Esme moving about behind us, quietly sweeping the glass fragments into a dustpan and taking the shattered photo frame away, ostensibly to replace it. The almost indiscernible tinkling of glass against tile as Esme swept brought Edward back to mind...although he had never been far from it in the first place.

_What was with him?_ I would think that he hated me, except that since I had come to live with the Cullens, I sensed an odd awkwardness about him that made me think that he was extremely aware of me; it was the oddest feeling, but it was very strong and I felt it, too. The few times he had accompanied Alice and Jasper in my room, he had been silent and withdrawn, stealing prolonged glances at me from beneath his absurdly long eyelashes.

And I was forced to admit to myself that I was always uncomfortably aware of him, too; my natural shyness morphed into awkward, embarrassing blushes, and I was more tongue-tied around him than normal. Forcing out a semi-coherent sentence in his presence was next to impossible.

It was truly annoying, if it weren't so utterly embarrassing. And from Alice's and Esme's knowing smiles and Carlisle's worried frowns, I knew that they were well-aware of the unspoken but extremely magnetic tension between Edward and myself.

How could I feel so much toward a person I didn't even know? Had I ever spoken to him directly? I combed my memory, but I could not think of one time that I had spoken to him. But then, my memory was terribly unreliable since the accident...

Yet there were secrets lurking here—hugely important ones, I thought. After all that I had experienced with the Blacks, I felt uneasy about there being secrets here among the Cullens, especially if this living arrangement became permanent.

And I knew also that I needed to talk to someone. Mrs. Jane had come to visit me twice in the week since I've been with the Cullens, and she was trying to persuade me to see a shrink friend of hers. But I didn't think I'd do well baring my heart to a complete stranger at this point. Or ever...

_I knew with whom I would talk; I would approach Carlisle soon. I needed to know what was going on here, and he was the only one whom I really knew and trusted. _

Something cold touched my shoulder, and I nearly jumped out of my skin. "Bella?" Alice questioned. "Are you all right?" Her beautiful face was all concern, so I forced an unconvincing smile.

"I'm fine. Just tired," I replied, not meeting her penetrating gaze.

"You seemed a million miles away," she remarked, her eyes searching my face anxiously.

"No, not quite a million," I answered absently. My mind was much closer than that, focused once again on a pair of shimmering golden eyes beneath a shock of unruly reddish-brown hair.

"Hmmmm," was Alice's only response before she called Emmett in to carry me to bed for the night, Carlisle having run into town to see one of his regular patients. I admired Carlisle for that; despite being officially on vacation, he had dropped everything when one of the ER nurses called to let him know that Mr. Miller was back in the ER with severe acid reflux.

I was expecting some major teasing from Emmett about Edward or the shattered photo frame, but my burly friend was oddly quiet as he lifted me gently and carried me from the main room back to my bedroom. Esme was waiting to assist me in getting ready for bed, my covers already turned back, the room bathed in soft light.

As often happened whenever I saw Emmett, I wondered about Rosalie. Why was she so assiduously avoiding me? Was she angry that a virtual stranger had come to live with her family? Did she not like to play nursemaid? Was she resentful about Emmett spending so much time with me?

_The questions lurking around this household seemed to be endless..._

While Esme escorted me to the bathroom, Emmett lazed back across my bed, his expression meditative...which was new for him, around me at least. She closed the door softly to give me privacy, and for the first time tonight, I really looked at her face.

Esme looked as if she were on the brink of tears, or perhaps she had actually been crying. Her usually sweet and welcoming expression was strangely shuttered, as if she were concealing her emotions. I didn't say anything as she silently helped me change into my pajamas, wash my face, brush my teeth, and use the toilet.

_Something was very, very wrong. _

When we were finished, she turned to open the door, but I moved to halt her, placing my hand atop hers on the doorknob.

"Esme, what is it?" I whispered.

She paused for a moment, swallowing convulsively, then looked at me with the usual beautiful warmth in her golden eyes. But I was convinced that it took a great deal of effort to set aside her obvious anxiety.

And I could tell that she was going to deny that anything was wrong.

But I wasn't going to take it this time.

"No, Esme, please. I can tell that something is very wrong tonight. Alice, Emmett, you...you're all acting weird. And let's not get into Edward's reaction..."

At Edward's name, Esme winced.

"What's wrong with Edward?" I asked quietly.

Esme sighed, then said, "Let's get you settled into bed, and we'll chat a little. All right?" She smiled at me, but it didn't reach her eyes.

I nodded, and she opened the bathroom door, helping to support me as I walked the few steps to my bed. Carlisle had only let me start walking a little this morning, just in my room and only with someone present to help in case I fell.

And he had promised that when I was stronger, I could swim in their lap pool. I couldn't wait to swim; I was a regular fish from all the times my parents took me to the beach in the summertime, but I hadn't had an opportunity to swim since before they died.  
>I would definitely be holding Carlisle to that promise.<p>

Emmett was still sprawled atop my bed. "Emmett," Esme sighed, "Bella needs to get some rest."

"There's enough room for both of us," he winked at me suggestively; I rolled my eyes in annoyance as he continued, "Of course, Edward would kill me if-"

"Emmett!" Esme interrupted quickly and loudly, so unlike her usual gentle tone. She lowered her voice back to her normal pitch, but her voice was steely now as she pointed to the door. "That is quite enough. Out you go."

Looking properly abashed, Emmett rolled off the bed and onto his feet in a singularly graceful motion. "Goodnight, Bella," he said in a serious voice—which was totally out of the ordinary from fun-loving Emmett. He leaned over and pressed a kiss onto the top of my head. "See you in the morning, Beautiful."

"Goodnight," I replied quietly, crawling into bed.

Emmett paused at the doorway, standing half in my room and half in the hallway. He gave me a searching, intense look, then disappeared without his signature parting smile and guffaw.

_Things were getting weirder here by the moment. _

Esme bent over me, tucking me in. I found great solace in her mothering; I had missed my own mother so much, and Esme was quickly taking her place in my heart. She must have seen the softness in my eyes, for she smiled down at me with a loving expression on her face; she looked as though she were about to cry, too.

I heard a rustling movement near the door, and Carlisle entered. His expression was soft also, as if he, too, had experienced what had just passed between Esme and myself. He crossed the room quietly, then sat on the edge of my bed.

Esme bent over me once more, pressing her lips against my forehead. "Good night, Bella." She looked at me again, her eyes so warm and so loving. "I love you."

Tears immediately came to my eyes, and Carlisle reached toward me, cupping my cheeks in his cold palms; he also seemed to be at the point of tears.

"We all love you, Bella," he said quietly. Esme nodded her head beside him.

I couldn't remember the last time someone had said that they loved me; thinking back, it must've been when my father was alive. Yet I didn't remember hearing those words from him even then.

The last time I clearly remember being told "I love you" was the night my mother died. She had whispered in my ear quietly, thinking I was asleep.

It was my last memory of her alive.

And, thinking back, Carlisle had been there that night, sitting beside her bed as she held me against her cool, emaciated body.

I've never felt as if I were a part of a family since I was eight years old, but, strangely, despite all the secrets and mysteries, I did now. A quiet sob shook me, the tears in my eyes spilling over. His eyes bright with compassion, Carlisle wiped my tears away with his cool thumbs.

I was surprised to hear his voice shake slightly as he spoke to me. "It's all right, Bella," he said, swallowing hard, then he steadied his voice. "We understand."

Esme walked to the doorway, looking over her shoulder at me. "You are part of our family now, Bella," she said softly, smiling gently. "I hope you know that." She gave me a little wave, then disappeared down the hallway.

Carlisle's hands remained on my face, wiping away the slow tears as they trickled down my cheeks. "Are you all right, sweetheart?" he asked gravely.

Unable to speak, I nodded, sniffling a little.

"I hope you realize that she is right, Bella," he stated kindly. "You are a part of our family now, and only you can change that. As far as we are concerned, you belong here with us...if that is what you want."

My tears flowed more copiously now. I sniffled, trying to control myself. Before I realized it, Carlisle had scooped me into his lap as if I were a small child. I felt so comforted and so loved that I cried even harder; the joy suffusing my heart was a new, strange feeling. A welcome feeling.

Despite it all, I felt at home for the first time in ten years. When my mother died, our home had disappeared, too. My father had been so grief-stricken that he had a hard time merely remembering my existence, much less caring for me and loving me.

The sorrow of ten years—over half my lifetime—of being without a loving family spilled out of me, and Carlisle held me tightly as I wept, rocking me slightly. His comfort and his compassion warmed me. And I felt him crying quietly as well, his arms around me shaking slightly, his chest heaving against my shoulder and arm.

Finally I raised my head, smiling at him through my tears.

"Oh, Bella," he whispered, pressing a kiss into my hair just above my ear and holding me close to his heart.

After a long moment, Carlisle helped me to sit up, then took a few tissues from the bedside box, handing me a couple before wiping his own eyes. But as I blew my nose and mopped my face, I realized that I hadn't seen him actually shed any tears.

Okay, there's another question to ask him about...

"There is no need to make decisions tonight, Bella," Carlisle said, bringing my mind back to the topic at hand. "We can talk to Mrs. Jane anytime you wish about making your stay permanent if you would like to do so. Right now, I think you need to sleep. We can talk things over in the morning."

I wiped my eyes one more time, then steeled myself, knowing that I had to say it, even if it meant ruining our moment together.

Swallowing hard, I searched his clear golden eyes as I spoke shakily. "I have some questions to ask you."

Carlisle nodded, his eyes serious, his face tense. "I am sure you do, Bella." He smiled, but the smile did not reach his eyes; he looked extremely worried. "We need to talk some more before you make a final decision about living here with us. There are some things that you definitely need to know. I don't want to hide anything from you; you need to make an informed decision." His golden eyes searched mine, scanning them for fear and trepidation.

I am sure that I did look a little scared. I knew that there were secrets lurking in this household. And I would have to know what they were in order to make a decision about staying. Although with the new depth to my relationships with most of the Cullens, it would have to be something extremely dangerous to make me discard the love offered to me through Carlisle and Esme, Alice and Emmett; I hoped that the others would come around in time.

And I would have to know what was going on with Edward...and with Rosalie. There was a lot I needed to know, but tonight was not the time; I knew it and Carlisle knew it.

Carlisle leaned over me, pressing a kiss to my forehead. "Goodnight then, Bella. Sleep well." He switched off the lamp next to my bed, then got to his feet, moving to the doorway.

"Goodnight Carlisle," I whispered. He smiled sadly at me, then closed the door behind him.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

I awoke the next morning with a feeling of uncertainty and nervousness in the pit of my stomach. I knew that today would be pivotal. Today Carlisle will tell me the truth, and I would have to decide if staying here was in my best interest. My heart told me to stay, that I would find safety and love here, safety and love I had not experienced since before my parents died. But I'd have to balance that safety and love with what my head told me: something was very wrong here, and I would have to face it head-on.

Esme brought me my breakfast as usual, but I could not eat more than two or three bites; in fact, I nearly choked on the freshly-squeezed orange juice.

Esme sat down beside me on the bed after I pushed away the tray, not looking me in the eyes. She, too, looked nervous; her lips were actually trembling as she attempted to smile, and she kept her eyes on her fidgeting hands in her lap. Finally she looked at me, scanning my face worriedly. "Did you sleep well last night, Bella?" she asked at last.

"Not really," I confessed. "I kept waking up throughout the night."

Esme did not look the least surprised by this news—which made me suddenly suspicious. Were they somehow watching me while I slept? That would be weird. But then, many things about this household were weird, and I would have to decide if I could live here despite the weirdness.

Or was I completely jumping to conclusions?

"Carlisle will be here in a minute," Esme said quietly. I think her voice shook a little, and my stomach lurched.

Then I heard voices in the hallway, low and angry.

"You can't do this, Carlisle. You're putting her in far too much danger. How can you even consider-"

Edward's outraged voice was interrupted by Carlisle's more reasonable tones. "She needs to know, Edward. She can't make a decision about remaining here permanently without knowing the truth. Or at least some of it."

Then I heard an unfamiliar voice, obviously female; it was deeper than Alice's tinkling soprano, more of a sexy alto...although it was hard to tell as the words were low and furious. "I cannot believe that you are even considering this, Carlisle, much less bent on doing this! You are endangering our entire family! How dare you?"

Just as I realized that this last voice had to belong to Rosalie, Esme rose to her feet so quickly that she seemed to blur for a moment. I blinked, unsure of what I had just seen.

Taking a deep breath, she strode to the doorway and disappeared down the hall.

"Bella can hear every word you're saying," Esme said in a tight voice. "Perhaps we should take this 'discussion' into the living room and talk as a family." Esme's voice had risen with sarcasm at the word "discussion," something I never expected to hear from gentle. sweet Esme...

"I'm not sure that's a good idea," Carlisle said, his quiet voice rough with emotion. He sounded unaccountably weary.

"She deserves to know the whole truth," Esme insisted. "And if you wish her to be a member of our family, then a family meeting is the best venue."

Carlisle sighed. "Very well." He appeared in my doorway immediately after saying those words. He paused, taking in my confused expression while looking nervous; I had never seen his usually tranquil expression so disturbed.

Esme appeared behind him, and they both entered my room. Esme picked up my practically untouched breakfast tray, speaking in a low voice, "I'll put this in the kitchen then I'll join you all in the living room." Carlisle nodded, and she left the room.

Then he turned to me. "Are you ready for this?" he asked gently.

"I'm not so sure," I confessed shakily.

Carlisle looked me directly in the eye. "I am not so sure that I am ready for this, either," he said, a slight smile playing about his lips...but his eyes remained deadly serious.

Carlisle scooped me gently up into his arms, carrying me out into the living room. The whole family was assembled, their expressions set and grave. Edward was pacing back and forth behind the sofa, Alice's eyes following his every movement. She was sitting next to Jasper whose gaze was fixed on me; immediately, I felt a sense of calm permeate my very being, and I sighed with relief, feeling the tension in my neck relax and the knot in my stomach release.

Emmett was seated across from Jasper and Alice, the beautiful blonde Rosalie beside him. Sitting ramrod straight, Rosalie looked like a supermodel, so poised and lovely; I felt positively hideous and grotesque in comparison. Without thinking, I put my hand immediately to my head, trying to smooth my grossly scrambled hair in an attempt to appear less barf-worthy. But Rosalie never looked at me; her glare was focused unblinkingly on Carlisle, her golden eyes snapping angrily.

Esme had prepared a sort of bed on the sofa for me. She fluffed a pillow and pulled back a thick afghan. Carlisle settled me gently on the sofa in a semi-sitting position, and Esme covered me with the pale green afghan, tucking me in carefully.

"Are you comfortable, dear?" she asked softly. I nodded, nervous. I felt my hands shaking, so I clasped them together in my lap, hoping that no one noticed.

Carlisle sat down in one of the armchairs, Esme pulling up an armchair beside his and seating herself. Everyone seemed on high alert, sitting unnaturally straight and stiff, their eyes fixed on Carlisle. The mood of the room was extremely tense, and I looked from beautiful face to beautiful face, anxiously expectant.

Carlisle opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again. I'd never seen him so discomfited; he seemed nervous, almost afraid. Esme reached for him, taking his hand in hers and patting their clasped hands with her other hand in a comforting gesture. She smiled at him tremulously, but with his jaw clenched grimly, he could not return her smile. I could see that his hands were shaking within Esme's.

I had to break the silence – the tension was simply too much for me to bear. "So what's going on here?" I asked, attempting a nervous smile while trying to keep my voice from shaking.

Carlisle still seemed unable to speak, and Esme, glancing at him, turned to me, her expression strained as she tried to smile...and failed. "There are some things you need to know, Bella," she said quietly. "The first thing you need to know is that we love you, and we want you to stay here with us. Permanently. As a member of our family. Before you can decide this, you need to know a little bit more about our family."

Rosalie made a barely-discernible scoffing sound, and Emmett elbowed her, shooting her an annoyed glare.

Edward continued his silent, frenetic pacing, the only constant movement in the room. I couldn't help watching him, fascinated by his agitation, his set jaw, and the agony burning in his oddly-golden eyes whenever he glanced in my direction; I felt my face pale beneath his burning stare each time his eyes settled upon me.

Trying to distract myself from Edward's palpable anxiety, my glance roamed the room while the silence built, becoming more strained and troubled with each passing moment.

Rosalie glared at me, her eyes resentful; Emmett tried to calm her, but she would not stand for it. I could swear that I heard a low hiss emanate from her; I nearly gasped in surprise.

Jasper looked pained, as if the weight of the whole room was somehow upon his broad shoulders. Alice seemed worried; her eyes were unnaturally bright, almost as if she were crying, as she alternately watched Jasper, then Edward. Carlisle gazed at his clenched hands in his lap, seemingly unable to meet my eyes; Esme's hands clasped around his as she whispered soothingly to him in a voice too low for me to hear.

And Edward kept pacing, pacing, pacing – his movements becoming more frantic as the silence towered through the room.

I swallowed hard, the unbelievable tension in the room bringing tears to my eyes. Why would they refuse to answer my simple question?

_What the hell was going on here_?

_**Ducking while you all throw things in my general direction after that lovely cliffhanger...**_

_**But you still love me, right? ;)**_

_**Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I always appreciate hearing from you! **_

_**I'm undecided about writing an EPOV outtake at the moment; I have to be careful not to give too much away because anticipation and suspense are the driving force behind this story. So I may wait a little while; I'm not sure yet. **_

_**I actually wrote half this chapter with Dragon speech-to-text software which really helped the pain in my hands I usually have from typing; Dragon is very helpful for people with rheumatoid arthritis (which I have) or other autoimmune syndromes that cause chronic pain. I'm quite pleased with its accuracy although I did have to train it to type "Esme"; it kept trying to type "as may" instead. ;) **_

_**And I will be out of town next weekend for our annual family trip to Disneyland with my parent, our family of 6, and my brother and his family (6 again), so 14 of us at Disneyland Friday-Sunday. But I will have my laptop with me (because I have to keep up with teaching my online classes) and will try to post a new chapter by next Sunday; we'll see how it goes... **_

_**Thank you again for taking the time to read my little story; I so appreciate you all!**_

_**Love to you all,**_

_**Cassandra :)**_


	31. AN After Chapter 29

**A/N: This week's installment of _Pinned but Fluttering _ is posted in the _Pinned but Fluttering Outtakes_ story; yes, the long-awaited Edward's POV chapter is here! **

**Next weekend's chapter will continue here with Chapter 30 of _Pinned but Fluttering. _Thanks for your patience! **

**Love you all,**

**Cassandra :)**


	32. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**

_**The Usual Disclaimer: Twilight and its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer; I'm merely torturing them (and enjoying it far more than I should...)**_

_**A/N: For those of you who read the rough draft/teaser of the opening paragraphs, I've made a few changes (as writers almost always do, especially writers who also make a living as editors...)**_

"Edward? Please!" came Carlisle's clear voice, clipped with stress.  
>With a glare over his shoulder at his father, Edward finally halted his manic pacing, electing to lean against the wall nearest the grand staircase. He rested the back of his head against the wall, closing his eyes and sighing dramatically. His face was drawn, as if he were being pulled to pieces on some medieval torture device.<p>

For the life of me, I could not figure Edward out...but I found myself relaxing slightly as his frantic movements stilled at long last. But his agonized expression kept me from relaxing more than a little, dread balling in the pit of my stomach...  
>The lovely Rosalie sneered (<em>How in the world can she look that insanely beautiful while curling her lip like that?<em>), rolling her eyes in perturbation at Edward's melancholy histrionics, apparently quite at the end of her limited patience when it comes to Edward...and/or me.

The mood of the room was wound so tightly that it almost felt like it became another person present with us in the modern white-on-white living room. Nervously my eyes flew from one Cullen to the next, noting the too–serious expression in every single pair of golden eyes. For various reasons, every Cullen seemed to be nearly as highly-strung as Edward..._and that was really saying something_. Even Esme and Carlisle looked abnormally anxious, exchanging frequent glances of reassurance with one another.  
>After sending each of his family members a silent warning to let him speak-something I caught onto but probably wasn't supposed to-Carlisle leaned forward, his jaw tight with concern as he spoke quietly. "I'm nearly certain that you have some questions for us, Isabella. Am I correct in my assumption?"<p>

_Gee, thanks for putting the ball completely in my court, Carlisle,_ I thought wryly. But my throat suddenly seemed desert–dry with the severity of my nerves. Clearing my throat once, then twice, it still remained too parched for speaking, and I began coughing uncontrollably, my throat absolutely desiccated. Panicked, I looked to Esme, my hand raised to my neck in a silent plea for help, preferably a drink.  
>Nodding quickly in understanding, Esme disappeared for a moment, then re-entered the room almost immediately with a tray bearing a full crystal pitcher and a tall tea glass which she set on the coffee table before me. Carlisle reached for the pitcher and poured the liquid, which I assumed was lemonade, into the glass, silently passing it to me. Grasping the tall glass in both hands, I gulped down several swallows of the sweetly-tart lemonade...while wondering how Esme had made lemonade so quickly; she must have had it ready to go on the counter. But why only one glass then? Surely another member of the Cullens would like a drink as well?<p>

Pushing aside my new questions, I considered how it was so like Esme to consider my comfort above all else and make me one of my favorite drinks, even during this extremely tense time. I nearly choked in my eagerness to drink, and, as I spluttered, my eyes flew to Emmett who was attempting to stifle a laugh behind his huge hand... Despite my wild desire to laugh, I managed to muffle my smile as I realized that humor was probably inappropriate in this tense setting.  
>At my awkward spluttering, Edward had moved from his position along the wall, his golden eyes boring into mine as he took several steps toward me, apparently wanting to help me somehow.<p>

But his intensity frightened me; I felt my eyes grow huge with shock and the blood drain from my face, leaving me pale and trembling. Pausing for a moment in the center of the room, Edward had apparently determined that I was only klutzy and in no real danger. He turned away woodenly, the thumb and forefinger of one hand gripping the bridge of his nose, and returned to his place against the wall...all without uttering a single sound.  
>I took another long-and this time careful-drink from the glass, then set it down carefully on the tray. Before I responded, I looked into Carlisle's eyes which had always calmed me before...but his obvious worry brought me no peace at this time.<br>I would have to answer his question, remembering the quiet fear behind his question, as if my reply could ruin a great deal.  
><em>And perhaps it could...<br>_"Yes," I managed to croak at long last, keeping my eyes focused only on Carlisle. I swallowed nervously, then continued, "Yes, I have some questions for you."

_Yeah, understatement of the century...  
><em>I took a deep breath, and then the questions began pouring from my lips in an uncontrolled rush...

"I don't understand how your eyes change color. When I first met you all, your eyes were black, but now all I see are golden eyes – on all of you. _At the same time,"_ I stressed. "But you all are not related, right? So I don't get it. Then, I have never seen any of you eat; it's just weird, you know? And how do you all seem to know when I wake up, or when I'm in pain when I don't say anything, and you all seem to know when I need help without me even calling anyone?"

I took a short breath and continued, "And sometimes you guys move so weirdly – it's like you're trying to slow down because you can go _really_ fast. It's just...inhuman, you know? And your looks — you all look like you just walked off the pages of a fashion magazine — like you've been...air-brushed or something. And you're all so pale — not once has any of you blushed — not once! That's just...not normal, you know? Can you guys control your emotions or something like that? And somehow, you all seem to react to me strangely, like I smell abnormally..._good_...to you. It's so strange. And then –"

With my last words, Carlisle was on his feet, his lips pressed into a thin line, his eyes burning strangely. He knelt down right in front of me, taking my two perspiry hands in his refreshing cold ones.

But I refused to look directly at him; I couldn't bear it if he were angry at me. But the temperature of his strangely hard skin brought still more questions to mind.

"And that's another thing," I continued to babble, not sure I was making sense in the least, "Why are you all so cold? I mean, it would be one thing if we were in the dead of winter, but this is spring, and even here in Forks, you shouldn't be ice cold, like you've stuck your hands in a snowbank for hours. It just doesn't make sense. And your skin is so hard; it doesn't give like mine, and-"

"Shshshshshshsh, Isabella," Carlisle murmured, squeezing my hands comfortingly. "You need to take a breath, my dear. Do that for me now, please? Breathe slowly. Will you do that for me?"

I had not realized that as the questions had poured out of me, I had started hyperventilating; only as Carlisle slowed me down did I notice how rapidly my chest was moving as I tried to gulp in enough air to support my overflow of questions.

"Yes," I whispered, trying to slow my breathing. My hands were numb and trembling in Carlisle's cold ones, and I could feel my whole body shaking from head to toe.

Carlisle smiled kindly at me, but his expression remained grim; the remainder of the family stayed frozen in their positions, rather like statues. There's another weird thing...

"You miss very little, Isabella," Carlisle stated, as if to himself, shaking his head ruefully. His observation did not help to calm my already frayed nerves; my heart continued thumping uncomfortably in my chest, and I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks in yet another embarrassing flush of color.

As I had noted a few times over the past week, the combination of my rapid heart rate, blushing, and nervous perspiration caused a subtle reaction among the Cullens. It would've been difficult to notice if I hadn't been already aware of it, but I realized very quickly that Carlisle was the only one in the entire room who was breathing, besides me, of course. Even Esme, an apologetic look on her face, was holding her breath.

"What is it?" I asked shakily. "Why is no one breathing except Carlisle? Do I smell bad?" I myself couldn't smell anything, but somehow they seemed to be able to trace some kind of scent that I couldn't.

Jasper turned away from me, muttering something to Alice in a voice too low for me to catch. "What did he say?" I asked, my voice rising an octave as I became more nervous the longer the awkward silence built.

Alice turned her golden eyes on me, and I could see pity in their depths behind her deceptively calm smile. Jasper got to his feet and slowly walked out of the room, closing the front door quietly behind him. I watched in consternation as, after a short pause, Emmett, Rosalie, and Alice silently followed suit, not one of them looking at me.

Edward's eyes were focused on me like a laser beam, his expression agonized, his formerly golden eyes now dark in his pale face. Carlisle exchanged a significant glance with him, then tipped his head subtly toward the door. Edward glared back at him, apparently resisting. I could swear that I heard a low growl emanate from one of them; I wasn't sure from whom. Finally Edward capitulated, sending me one last burning glance before exiting through the same door as the others.

"What is it?" I asked again, the panic rising in me as I turned to Carlisle. "What am I doing to them? I didn't mean to! I swear I didn't!"

Carlisle sighed, then scooped me up into his arms. "I know you didn't, my dear," he murmured, carrying me into my room and settling me onto my bed. My eyes must have been huge with fear and concern, but he refused to meet my gaze. I noticed that Esme didn't follow us into my room, and I couldn't help wondering why. She was always the one taking care of me, soothing me, "mothering" me. It seemed to make more sense for her to be with me now...not that Carlisle wasn't a soothing person, but this situation seemed to call for Esme's peaceful presence.

I looked at Carlisle, feeling my body sink into panic mode again. His golden eyes were slightly darker than they had been before our talk began this morning.

Carlisle's voice was quietly insistent, "Isabella, I need you to calm down. Do you hear me?"

I nodded, trying once again to slow my breathing; the fear was too much, however, and I could do nothing to quell my rising panic.

Lowering my head so that I couldn't see what I was certain would be disappointment in his eyes, I started to sob, "I can't be forcing them from their home; it just isn't fair! I can't be causing this. It isn't right! Please, Carlisle, please tell me what I'm doing to cause all this! I'll find a way to stop it; I promise!"

I hadn't noticed until he put a cold hand atop mine that I had reached forward to grasp one of his hands in both of mine as I unashamedly begged him for an answer, "Please, please, please, tell me," I pleaded. "How can I help if you won't tell me what I'm doing wrong?"

Carlisle sighed, then sat down on the edge of my bed, still holding my hands. "It's nothing that you're doing consciously, Isabella. You do not mean to, and we know that. But when your heart rate soars and your breathing becomes more labored, it affects us. The others left to keep you safe."

"Keep me safe? What you mean, Carlisle?"

Carlisle sighed again, then finally looked into my eyes. I gasped, realizing that his eyes, golden when our conversation started, were now jet black. "Carlisle...your eyes!"

"I know," he said quietly. "It's a lot for you to take in, Isabella. But I need you to trust me on this. I cannot answer all your questions; it is too dangerous for you and for us for you to know the specifics. However, I have to ask you a question, a very important question: _Will you stay here with us even if we cannot tell you the whole truth?_"

"Do you mean that it's 'too dangerous' for me and for you if I know too much?" I asked quietly.

Carlisle looked at me, his black eyes glittering as if they were filling with tears. "The truth?" he asked.

"Yes, the truth," I said firmly, thankful that at least my voice was steady despite my uncontrollably trembling body. I was afraid of the truth, but I knew that I needed to know it, needed to know it before I let myself become even more attached to this strange, odd, and perhaps dangerous family.

Then the thought I had been avoiding all morning refused to be pushed away any longer: _Should I be staying here with the Cullens at all?_

I felt my face pale, the blood draining out of it, and I became unaccountably cold, even chilled; a shiver of fear raced through me, and weakly I slumped back into my bed pillows. The room was whirling around me, the walls refusing to stay in place. I closed my eyes, trying to gather my strength once again.

When I noticed a cold hand on my forehead, I sighed and opened my eyes to see Carlisle bending over me, concern obvious in his eyes. His cold hand felt refreshing against my hot forehead, and his other hand took my wrist lightly, counting my pulse; his voice was low and deliberately soothing. "Isabella, I think we better save the rest of this discussion for another time when you're feeling better," he insisted quietly.

"No!" I sat up quickly, far too quickly, and the room spun wildly, making me feel nauseated, and I fell back into my pillows again.

"Truly, my dear, you need to rest; you are not well. Your heart rate is far too high, and you're still trembling. All this excitement and agitation isn't good for you. I'm quite concerned, my dear. So please rest for a little while, and we'll continue this conversation at a later time."

Carlisle got up from my bed, moving to the dresser which hosted my many medications. Picking up a clear bottle of liquid, he smoothly filled a slim syringe. Turning back to me, he approached the bed. "This will help you to sleep," he said quietly.

"No, Carlisle, really. No... No! I don't want-" I choked. The idea of being drugged terrified me, and I hated not trusting Carlisle. But I knew too much now to fully trust him.

Fear dilated my eyes and forced my heart to a galloping pace that made my chest hurt; my hand flew to the source of the pain as my breath caught. I was in full panic-attack mode as the room spun around me once again. Darkness began to impede my vision, and Carlisle's worried face was the last thing before the darkness swallowed me whole.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

"Bella? Bella? Please, sweetheart, come back to us..."

I slowly became aware of Esme's panicked words, her cool hands on my face, brushing my hair off my sticky forehead.

My entire body ached deeply, and I felt so exhausted...as if I had run a marathon or something equally stupid.

"She's coming around," Carlisle's voice was quietly tense. I felt his cool fingers on my wrist again. Always the doctor, Carlisle.

"Bella, sweetheart, can you hear me?" Esme's voice begged, breaking on the last word. "Oh, Carlisle, I think this was a bad idea. We shouldn't have-"

"No, it has to be done," he interrupted her smoothly, but I caught the fear behind his voice, as if he were trying to convince himself. "She is noticing far too much about us; we must deal with the situation before it gets out of hand."

I wasn't sure what Carlisle meant, but it didn't sound good. Not good at all.

The pain in my side where my ribs had been broken weeks ago throbbed, and I couldn't stop a low moan from escaping my lips.

"Isabella?" I felt someone, presumably Carlisle, chafing my wrists, trying to bring me back to full consciousness. But I didn't want to be awake – everything hurt far too much...and not just physically. _Now I knew that something was wrong, terribly wrong, with the family who had so kindly taken me in._

For some reason, I remembered the shocked look on Mrs. Jane's face when I had mentioned meeting the Cullens after my first day of school at Forks High. There had been fear in her eyes then – a fear that had seemed to dissipate the more time she spent with Carlisle and with the rest of the Cullens as they came forward to care for me after...after what happened on the beach.

So was the town just gossipy? Or was something really _wrong..._not just "off" but truly, scary _wrong_ with the Cullen family?

Trying to think logically and reasonably while half-conscious hurt my head. I moaned again in pain, raising my hand to my throbbing forehead.

_I should know better than to think so much..._

"Bella, dear? Can you hear me? Open your eyes, sweetheart?" encouraged Esme's sweet voice.

With a last groan, I forced my eyes open, thankful that she had drawn the curtains and that only a dim lamp in the far corner of the room was on, casting a soft glow that didn't hurt my eyes the way a bright light would have. I sighed, grateful that the pain in my head didn't worsen when I opened my eyes.

Carlisle knelt beside my bed, his eyes on his watch as he continued counting my pulse rate while Esme sat on my bed, holding a damp cloth to my forehead.

"Oh, Bella!" Esme nearly sobbed. "I was so afraid for you, sweetheart! I am so thankful that you're awake. Just rest, and we'll take care of you. Don't worry about a thing, all right, dear?" But I saw the warning glance she gave Carlisle, and my eyes moved to him.

"What happened?" I asked stupidly, but it was the only thing that came to my befuddled mind.

I noticed that Carlisle didn't meet my eyes as he replied quietly, "You became overwrought, hyperventilated, and fainted. I've been tracking your heart rate while you have been unconscious, and it's still a little high. I'll be adding a beta-blocker to your medications tonight to help normalize your heart rate."

But I knew that he was somehow hiding something behind this rather flimsy excuse.

"Carlisle?" I whispered, closing my eyes against the walls which continued to insist on spinning against my will.

Finally his gaze met mine, and I nearly gasped at his black eyes. Wait...I remembered now: Carlisle's change of eye color had precipitated a rush of questions from me that no one had answered.

_YET._

"Are you still dizzy?" he asked quietly, his eyes sad and resigned.

"Yes," I whispered, looking away from the reminder of his black eyes. "The walls won't stop moving."

"Let's get some more fluids in her, then I'll check her again after she's hydrated," Carlisle said to Esme, his voice low and serious. "I need to speak with the others."

"Please try to calm Edward down," Esme whispered with a meaningful glance, then scooted closer to me as Carlisle got to his feet. He moved toward my medications atop the dresser, and I couldn't stop the strange panic that rose so suddenly as he picked up a bag of clear fluids and the needle and tubing and other stuff needed to insert an IV.

An IV? I hated IV's...and I was afraid of more than the needle at this point.

"No!" I said in a louder, frightened voice. "No medications – I don't want you drugging me, okay? No drugs – please, Carlisle – promise me, no drugs!" I knew that I was babbling like an idiot, but I didn't care; my instinct for self-preservation trumped any embarrassment I might feel.

"It's only saline," Carlisle said, looking confused, then his eyes hardened slightly.

"Of course not, Bella. Of course not. Carlisle won't give you anything you don't want. Isn't that right, Carlisle?" Esme soothed, her hand protectively on my hair as she gave her husband a pleading look.

Then I saw the grief in his dark eyes as he sighed quietly.

Carlisle knew that I didn't trust him; I could see it in his resigned air, his tight jaw, his sorrowful glance.

I felt so bad for him, but until I had some answers, I couldn't completely trust Carlisle. Or Esme. Or any of the family. I hated not trusting them, but something big..._really and truly BIG_...was going on here in the Cullen household, and I needed to know what it was before I could trust them fully...again.

My easy acceptance of the Cullens, Carlisle especially, had felt very strange yet oddly natural as I had recovered in the hospital. I rarely trusted anyone at all. Ever. Not after the years I had spent in La Push...

Despite her championing my cause and helping me above and beyond the call of duty, I still didn't completely trust Mrs. Jane. But because I had known Carlisle from my childhood, from those dark, blurred days of my mother's illness, death, and funeral, I had let him in, trusting him as I had trusted no one since my parents.

_But now I couldn't trust him — not again, not yet – and it broke my heart as much as I had just broken his. _

I reached toward him, whispering urgently, "Carlisle? I'm so sorry. So, so, sorry. Please understand-"

"It's quite all right, Isabella. I understand," Carlisle interrupted me smoothly. But the tone of his voice wasn't right. He may understand, but this definitely was not "quite all right." Not for him and not for me.

"But Carlisle-"

"Isabella," he interrupted me again. "You need to rest and be rehydrated, and then we'll talk again. If you won't let me use an IV, then you'll need to drink quite a lot of water. Will you do that?"

I nodded, my eyes lowered in abject guilt.

I felt a cold finger under my chin, forcing me to raise my eyes and meet Carlisle's. His expression was grim, yet I could see compassion and true affection, if not love for me, shining in his beautiful, dark eyes.

As my gaze remained glued on his face, his cool finger still under my chin, I felt my breathing slow, my heart cease its painful thumping and normalize, and the dizziness begin to clear.

"That's the way, sweetheart," Carlisle whispered encouragingly. He smiled, but the smile didn't completely reach his eyes; he remained tense and worried. "Esme will take care of you now." He tried to smile wider, but I could swear that his lips trembled with the effort. "I need to take care of a few things." Almost before the words were out of his mouth, Carlisle pressed a kiss to my forehead and disappeared, moving so fast that he was almost a blur.

I turned to Esme, bemused. "What just happened?" I asked shakily.

Esme turned away from me, pouring me a large glass of water. The action seemed to provide her with enough time to school her features into compassionate concern. "Here, sweetheart, you need to drink this," she ordered softly. She inserted a straw to make drinking easier, then handed me the glass.

Obediently I sipped at the water. I hadn't realized how horribly thirsty I was, and the cool water flowing down my throat felt welcome and delicious as I drank more deeply. I quickly finished the glass, and Esme silently poured me another.

As I drank more water, I searched Esme's lovely face. She seemed calm and peaceful, but the set of her mouth and the glow of her dark eyes alerted me that all was not well.

"Esme?" I asked timidly. "May I ask you something?"

She looked down for a moment, apparently thinking, then met my eyes. "You may ask me anything, sweetheart. Please know that," she said softly, taking one of my hands in both of her cool ones.

"Okay. Um," I swallowed hard, preparing myself for this most difficult of questions, then I chickened out and asked her another question, still very important; I hoped I could trust her answer. "Esme, you'll tell me the truth, right?"

Esme nodded, her forehead creased with concern as she gently squeezed my hand in encouragement.

"Okay," I repeated, psyching myself up to ask the real question now. I looked at her steadily, ignoring the spiking of my heart as I asked quietly, "Esme, I know that you can't tell me much about what you all really are, but I need to know one thing. Just one thing."

I took a deep breath, then whispered, _"Esme, is it really, truly safe for me to stay here with your family?" _

_**Yes...I can hear your groans now...all the way here in Southern California. I'm quickly ducking after this second cliffie in a row to avoid the tomatoes and other assorted vegetables and hopefully blunt objects being thrown at me right now... **_

_**But before you start throwing messy and/or injurious objects at my cute auburn ponytail, please note these three points: 1) I'm giving you this update 36 hours EARLY; 2) It's my LONGEST PbF chapter to date, and 3) I'm off from home schooling the three boybarians and thus may have time to write a new story for you, and/or update this one a wee bit early. :)**_

_**So, see, you don't want to kill nor gravely injure me yet. RIGHT? (gives a weak smile and hopes not to be absolutely hated) **_

_**:)**_

_**So please let me know what you think! :) **_

_**With much love (and really hoping you'll still love me back),**_

_**Cassandra :) **_


	33. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31**

**_Standard Disclaimer: _Twilight_ and its characters are the intellectual property of Stephenie Meyer. This story is written for entertainment purposes only, and no profit is intended. I just adore torturing her very intriguing characters in new and rather twisted ways... _**

**From Chapter 30:**

_"Esme, you'll tell me the truth, right?" I asked._

_ Esme nodded, her forehead creased with concern as she gently squeezed my hand in encouragement. _

_ "Okay," I repeated, psyching myself up to ask the real question now. I looked at her steadily, ignoring the spiking of my heart as I asked quietly, "Esme, I know that you can't tell me much about what you all really are, but I need to know one thing. Just one thing." _

_ I took a deep breath, then whispered, **"Esme, is it really, truly safe for me to stay here with your family?"**_

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Esme's eyes never left mine, but I felt her grip on my hand tighten almost imperceptibly. She hesitated for a moment, then as she opened her mouth to answer my question, two figures appeared in the doorway with a suddenness that startled me so much that my hand flew to my throat in shock.

Esme looked at me, worried, and I tried to smile reassuringly. But the entrance of her husband and son interrupted her concern, for which I was quite thankful.

Carlisle and Edward entered my room together, both of their expressions grim. From the frequent glances that Carlisle kept directing toward Edward, I caught Carlisle's anxiety...he was concerned about Edward.

_But why?_

It didn't help that Esme was giving Edward similar worried looks.

_What the hell was going on here?_

As the silence stretched, I became impatient. Scooting myself to a sitting position in bed, I politely declined Esme's quiet offer of help despite the persistent ache in my side. However, she ignored me, shifting a few of the pillows behind my back so that I could sit up more comfortably, and I gave her a quick smile of thanks.

But I was also becoming increasingly frustrated with their "don't tell Bella anything" policy. Really, what could be so terrible that they kept walking on eggshells around me rather than just telling me the truth?

Looking at each one of their impassive faces in turn, I tried to stifle my impatience as I asked, "Will someone please answer my questions?" The three of them exchanged quick glances as I continued, my voice a little unsteady as I asked the most important question: "Is it really safe for me to stay here with you all?"

Without looking at one another, Carlisle and Edward replied at exactly the same time, their emphatic voices overlapping but still easily understood.

"Of course you're safe in our home, Isabella," Carlisle started, then stopped in surprise as Edward's voice overtook his in intensity as well as volume.

"No, you are in great danger if you remain here," Edward stated flatly. Then as Carlisle stopped speaking, Edward continued alone in a hard, cold voice, "You are in danger at this very moment, just as you have been since you first set foot on the grounds of Forks High School." The sincerity of his midnight black eyes bore into mine, and I couldn't stop the shiver of fear racing up my spine.

_Here, at last, was The Truth. _

"Edward, you're exaggerating. Don't frighten Bella, dear," Esme pleaded, her eyes huge in her pale face as she reached for her son's hand.

"No," Edward raised his voice slightly as he turned to his mother, irritably pulling his hand away. "I am not exaggerating in the slightest, Esme. Isabella needs to be frightened...so frightened that she leaves..." He swallowed hard, then continued in a lower, more intense voice, "That she leaves...and never returns."

His words chilled me...and I did not doubt his sincerity as those black eyes captured mine again; his glances were like black holes, sucking me in.

I didn't realize I had put my hand over my mouth in horror or that I was holding my breath until Carlisle knelt before me.

"Breathe, sweetheart. Just breathe," Carlisle soothed me, placing one hand on my head, his other hand reaching for my wrist to take my pulse. Dizziness was sweeping over me, and I felt my heart thumping uncomfortably in my chest, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised by Carlisle's sudden medical attentions. I tried to slow my breathing; now was not the time for a panic attack when I was so close to discovering the truth.

"Edward, out!" Carlisle almost growled in a low voice, anger very evident in his expression as well as his voice although he didn't turn toward Edward. "You are only making the situation worse. Go!"

Then he turned his attention back to me. "That's it. Good girl," Carlisle approved. "Esme, pour her a glass of water, please." I drank obediently from the glass Esme handed me, my hands shaking a little. But the water calmed me some, as did Carlisle. I felt the lightheaded feeling abate, and my breathing began to normalize. I handed the glass back to Esme who smiled at me tightly.

"I will not go," Edward replied, turning to glare at his father. "Isabella needs to be kept safe, whatever the consequences for us. You never should have brought her into this house, Carlisle. Rosalie and I both told you that it was dangerous and potentially deadly to bring a human, especially _this _human, into _this_ house for an afternoon visit, much less to live indefinitely..."

"Edward, stop," Esme looked as if she were nearly in tears. "It's been lovely having Bella here, and we've been so happy taking care of her..."

As my gaze moved to Esme as she spoke, I noticed that the other four Cullens had entered my room, Jasper and Emmett standing awkwardly by the door while both Alice and Rosalie stood behind Carlisle.

Great. This was not going to be pretty, especially given the tense expressions on everyone's faces.

Let the showdown begin...

Rosalie started it, of course. "She isn't a Barbie doll, Esme, and you can't play house with a human without expecting there to be consequences," she stated coldly, darting around Carlisle to confront Esme who had risen from my bed to her feet, her mouth a round "o" of shock at Rosalie's cruel words.

"Rosalie!" Carlisle barked angrily, and I could have sworn I heard a feral growl emanate from him. While I was wondering at Rosalie referring to me as a "human"-as if they were not human at all (which, to tell the truth, would not especially surprise me at this point), Carlisle wrapped his arms around Esme as if shielding her from Rosalie.

"That is quite enough, all of you. Out of this room, everyone. NOW," he practically growled at them all.

I had the feeling that Carlisle rarely asserted his authority, but the few times he did, he was obeyed immediately. However, unquestioned obedience was not the result this time as no one left my room; if anything, all of the Cullens took a couple of steps closer to my bed.

It felt as if World War III had broken out in my once-peaceful bedroom.

And I had had enough...

"Will someone _please_ tell me what the hell is going on?" I nearly shouted, throwing my arms in the air in utter frustration.

Everyone stopped, standing as still as if frozen in place. I guess my outburst surprised them a little.

Or a lot.

Carlisle moved first, turning to me and sitting down on the edge of my bed. He moved to take my hand, but I pulled it away from him, still confused and more than a little peeved.

"Bella," he protested softly. "We're no different than we were yesterday or the day before that or the week before that. Really, you are quite safe here."

Rosalie's unladylike snort was echoed by Edward's growl of disagreement.

I gestured in their direction as I answered Carlisle, "They don't seem to think so." My voice came out much stronger despite the fear and frustration I was feeling, a fact for which I was immensely grateful.

Alice walked toward me to stand beside Carlisle, her usual bouncy behavior totally absent. "Bella, I am often psychic—I 'see things.' And, truly, I don't see anything happening to you if you stay with us. You'll be fine. And think how much you'll be missed if you leave. You're already a sister to me and to Emmett, and I know that Esme and Carlisle look on you as if you were their own child."

Alice was very persuasive, and I saw Esme and Carlisle exchanging hopeful glances while Emmett bounded forward to high-five Alice.

_Subtle, dude. _

Edward cleared his throat, and all eyes turned to him. "May I have a moment to speak with you, Isabella? Alone?" he asked quietly. I had never heard him speak in this low, gentle voice that was musical and absolutely beautiful. His voice was practically mesmerizing. Perhaps even hypnotizing...

"Edward, I don't know..." started Carlisle, giving him a warning glance.

"It's extremely important," insisted Edward, his gaze fixed on me, ignoring his family members, including Carlisle. It was as if the two of us were the only people in the room...

"Carlisle..." Esme pleaded, whether for or against Edward's request, I wasn't sure.

Edward approached Carlisle, and they seemed to have a silent confrontation of some sort. I could see Edward's lips vibrate slightly, but Carlisle's mouth remained folded in a thin, stubborn line.

This kind of seemingly wordless conversation must not be out of the ordinary to the family, due to the reactions of the rest of the Cullens. Jasper stepped forward, coming between Edward and Carlisle as if to stop a schoolyard fight while Alice rolled her eyes dramatically. Emmett threw himself across the end of my bed, his large body nearly breaking the supports as he moaned, "Dudes! Not again!"

But the silent standoff between Edward and Carlisle continued, Jasper remaining between them, a hand on each of their shoulders. As he did so, a feeling of peace filled me so completely that I blinked against it, afraid I would fall asleep with the weight of sheer contentment. I fought the peacefulness that seemed to affect me more than the rest of the family, not wanting to miss anything.

But wherever the peaceful feeling was coming from, it seemed to help end the silent confrontation. _Thank goodness..._

Edward removed his glare from Carlisle for just a moment, fixing an annoyed stare on Jasper who merely shrugged and smirked a little. Then Edward refocused on Carlisle, stepping back and bringing the tension between them down a notch.

"Very well," Carlisle finally capitulated. His eyes narrowed as he looked at Edward. "Be careful, and..."

"I know," Edward answered curtly before Carlisle finished his sentence. Carlisle nodded jerkily, the first time I had seen a less-than-graceful motion from him.

Emmett sat up, grinning like a maniac as if he had just realized something that amused him to no end. "No way!" he practically laughed at Edward. "Dude...that's so..._wow_." Emmett turned to me, grinning even wider (which I didn't think was possible). "You're one cool chick, Bella Swan."

Edward glared at Emmett who burst out laughing at him. I couldn't help smiling a little despite the obvious tension; Emmett was such a crack-up, and his mirth was infectious.

Esme began to herd everyone toward the door. "Let's give Edward and Bella a little privacy, please," she said, but her brow was furrowed with concern as the Cullens filed from my room, most of them looking nervous and edgy, except for Rosalie who seemed strangely smug and Emmett who was still chuckling under his breath, shaking his head in disbelief.

_ I just couldn't understand this weird family..._

Carlisle gave Edward one last warning look as he paused at the door, and Edward nodded almost imperceptibly. Carlisle shut the door quietly behind him, leaving us alone.

From his stance near the center of the room where he had retreated after his show-down with Carlisle, Edward walked slowly toward me, as if he were testing himself with every step. Why he was testing himself, I had no clue. He stopped at the foot of my bed, folded his arms across his chest, and looked down at his feet.

"Would you like to sit down?" I invited politely, trying to remember my manners.

"No, thank you," he murmured, equally polite, in a voice so low that I barely heard him.

I scoured my brain, trying to think of a topic of conversation that would lessen the obvious tension between us.

"Um, what was Emmett laughing about?"

Edward shook his head as if confused, then replied in a soft voice. "It's something we just realized...a weakness I have regarding you that he thought was hilarious for some strange reason. You know Emmett." He looked at me, his eyes tight. "I'm sorry, I can't tell you more than that. I only realized it just now when Jasper..." His voice trailed off, and he became still again, his eyes cast downward.

Edward stood there at the end of my bed, staring down at his shoes, arms still folded across his chest, unmoving, for a very long time...several minutes at least.

The longer he stood there, the more panicked I began feeling. My rate began to quicken, my breathing becoming more rapid and shallow.

"Edward?" I whispered faintly.

At last he looked up at me, and his expression was agonized - as if he were on that medieval torture device I had imagined earlier. Despite the pain on his face, Edward was inhumanly beautiful. My breath caught in my throat with shock of his severe beauty.

And then I began to understand just a little.

Just enough...

"I need to leave, don't I?" I asked in a broken voice, hating the idea.

"Yes, you do," he answered quietly. His black eyes burned into mine as he spoke, and our eyes were unable to break away, the odd, connection thrumming between us.

"You...you and your family...are not human?" I stammered.

"No, we're not." His voice was firm but gentle.

Our eyes remained energized, our glances fused as a long, silent moment passed between us. Tears began to gather in my eyes, spilling down my cheeks soundlessly.

"I don't want to leave," I murmured, letting my tears fall unabated.

"I don't want you to leave," he replied gently. "But you need to go, Isabella." He swallowed hard, as if he had a lump in his throat, then repeated in the merest of whispers, "You need to go."

"I-I-I can't know what you are?"

"No. It's dangerous for you and for us if we told you anything; we've already crossed some lines that will be difficult to explain and may lead to complications in the future..." his voice trailed off, too choked with emotion to continue.

But our eyes remained glued to one another, inseparable even though we were several feet apart.

"I understand," I said, although I really didn't. I only understood that I needed to leave the one place I had felt love since the death of my parents, and the thought was heart-wrenching; tears continued to flow silently down my face.

We continued to stare at one another, almost as if we were memorizing each other...the silent intensity finally broken by a sob of despair as I finally lost control.

Edward stepped toward me, one arm outstretched as if to touch me. He leaned over me, still standing, and slowly, tentatively reached toward me until he touched one of the tears rolling wetly down my face.

He lifted his finger to the light, examining the drop of moisture curiously, then, in a movement so quick I wasn't sure it really happened, he put his finger in his mouth, tasting my tear.

It was such an innocently erotic thing to do that I gasped in shock, and that sound was enough to interrupt our short-lived solitude.

In the proverbial blink of an eye, Carlisle and Esme reentered my room, their faces set in stoic lines. One after the other, they crossed the room quickly to stand next to my bed, looking first at Edward, then at me, their expressions unreadable.

"I'll be going," Edward said quietly. He leaned over me, pressing his lips to the top of my head — an intimate gesture that evoked another soft gasp from me – then he walked slowly to the doorway. Pausing, Edward looked back over his shoulder, agony rippling through his beautiful features, his black eyes burning into mine once again. "Goodbye." He swallowed convulsively, then choked out, "I am so sorry, Isabella," then he disappeared down the hallway.

Carlisle and Esme watched Edward leave, then turned toward me, Carlisle seating himself on the edge of my bed while Esme stood behind him, her hands on his shoulders. Both looked at me impassively.

They must have heard what Edward told me, but it was as if they were hiding behind masks. I didn't like these new masks; they raised a barrier between us, a barrier I hated.

I felt horrible, but I had to ask...

"Is Edward right?" I asked quietly, watching them through eyes still swimming with tears. "Is it really dangerous for me to stay here?"

Carlisle looked down for a moment as if he were gathering his thoughts, then focused his dark eyes on me again. "I wouldn't say it is 'dangerous,' per se,_" _he replied. He sighed, and I noticed Esme squeezing his shoulders in a comforting gesture.

He swallowed hard, and then the mask was gone; Carlisle's face revealed the pain of my distrust, his anger at Edward's betrayal, and a deep sadness.

I wanted to take his hand to reassure him, but something held me back...

Anger flamed within me for a moment, then a strange emptiness took its place.

"Then you lied to me?" I whispered, looking down at my hands, no longer able to look at the obvious distress in Carlisle's eyes.

"No, sweetie, of course not," Esme interjected. "We wouldn't do anything to harm you. We think the world of you, my dear."

"Then what?" I asked, looking at them both again. "Either I'm safe here, or I'm not. Isn't it that simple?"

Carlisle looked at me earnestly. "Isabella, when we took you into our home, we did so knowing that while our home life has its..._challenges_...we were bringing you out of a far more dangerous situation. Staying with the Blacks seemed far more detrimental for you than staying here with us. Although Rosalie and Edward disagreed, the rest of the family voted for you to come live with us."

"But if Rosalie and Edward didn't want me-"

Esme interrupted me smoothly, "It wasn't that they didn't want you to stay, sweetheart; they just thought that it wasn't safe enough for you here. That's all."

Carlisle picked up where Esme had left off. "They thought that foster care was the best option for you, but I couldn't bear to let you go to complete strangers after all you've been through." He paused for a moment as if remembering something, then continued. "I remember you as a little girl, Isabella, and I just couldn't allow you to become involved in another potentially difficult situation when I could possibly prevent it."

I had felt unwanted for so long now...I had always been a burden and an all-around pain-in-the-ass to the Blacks.

It was weird but nice to bewanted by someone, at least, but several questions remained in my mind...questions that had to be answered to my satisfaction if I were to stay here.

"Why isn't it safe for me here?" I asked tentatively, wiping my eyes at Carlisle's obvious sincerity.

Carlisle sighed. "I can't tell you that, sweetheart. I'm sorry."

"But I do something to you all...I don't know what it is, though. But somehow I make you stop breathing, and your eyes change color, and you turn into statues." I took a deep breath, trying to slow my rapid-fire words. "And why do I affect Edward the most? It's as if he's afraid that he'll hurt me, and that's why he wants me to leave."

Both Carlisle's and Esme's eyes widened for a split second; I wasn't positive I saw it, but I was pretty sure that I had just surprised them greatly...and that I was right.

Carlisle paused for a moment, then answered me slowly, as if weighing each word. "Edward seems to be...extraordinarily sensitive to you, Isabella. He has never been affected by anyone in this way before, and, yes, he is afraid of injuring you. I've tried to persuade him to stay away from you, but he has been...resistant."

Tears came to my eyes once again. I wiped at them impatiently; I had to make myself very clear, and tears were only going to muddle everything.

"It's not fair that Edward may be forced to go away if I stay here," I stated quietly, trying not to sniffle like a child. "I think it's better if I leave instead."

Esme's eyes sparkled, as if tears were rising in them, and Carlisle sighed, resigned and obviously unhappy.

I hated seeing their reactions; Carlisle and Esme were just the loveliest "people" - I guess, for lack of a better word - I had ever met. I hated hurting them by leaving; I could tell that they both really, really wanted me to remain in their home.

But how could I chase Edward away from his own home? I couldn't do that, either; it just wasn't right.

_Why was life never easy?_

Then a horrifying thought occurred to me, and, suppressing the sob attempting to rise from my chest, I felt the blood leave my face; I was cold and clammy with absolute terror.

"Bella, darling, what is it?" Esme asked, moving around Carlisle to wrap me in her cool embrace.

I felt my body trembling uncontrollably in her arms, and I burrowed my face into her shoulder as sob after sobwracked my body.

Tears flowed uncontrolled, dampening Esme's silk blouse.

I raised my head quickly as soon as I noticed. "Esme," I choked, "I will ruin your shirt if I-"

"Nonsense," she stated gently, pulling me back against her. "I don't care about clothing; I care about _you_."

Her kind words provoked a new round of sobs. Carlisle and Esme waited patiently as it took several minutes for me to calm down enough to breathe more easily, hiccuping from time to time. _That was embarrassing..._

After my sobs subsided, Esme asked, "Will you tell us now what has you so upset, sweetheart?" I glanced up from my position, nestled in Esme's arms, to see Carlisle's face, tense with stress, as he waited for my answer.

Over Carlisle's shoulder I noticed a strange streak of bronze color, as if something were moving at incredible speed down the hallway, too fast for me to focus on.

But I had a sneaking suspicion that Edward had been standing in the doorway for most of my crying jag. Why would he...

Carlisle interrupted my thoughts. "Isabella?" he prompted gently.

The mere thought caused me to tremble with fear again, but I held in my sobs as I choked out my question: "I don't have to go back to the Blacks' if I leave here, do I?"

Carlisle's jaw tightened in anger, and I felt Esme's arms tighten around me.

"Definitely not," Carlisle stated emphatically. "Legally you are a ward of the court until you turn eighteen, then you will be an adult and free to live wherever you wish. Until your birthday, the county court granted us temporary custody."

He swallowed hard, looking out my window rather than at me, then his voice continued with a slight quaver, "If you decided to leave us, then we would need to return you to Mrs. Fairfield who would then locate a foster family to care for you in our place."

I wriggled a bit, pulling out of Esme's embrace. I knew what I had to do...for several reasons. I had lived in fear and distrust for too many years to be comfortable in the Cullen house with so many secrets floating about...secrets they wouldn't and apparently couldn't divulge. Such an arrangement was not acceptable to me now, not after what I had been through...

I looked into their expectant faces, hating myself for what I was going to do – to Carlisle and Esme, my first parents since mine died, and to Alice and Emmett, my first siblings ever. And Edward - confusing, beautiful, intense Edward...

But it had to be done.

I didn't know what would happen to me, but I knew that I couldn't do anything else...not now.

"C-C-Could you take me to Mrs. Jane now, please?" I asked, my voice trembling with repressed tears. Slumping back against my pillows and closing my eyes, I refused to look at the damage I had done, refused to see Carlisle's and Esme's stricken expressions...

_**I think that this chapter is now the longest chapter yet! :)**_

**_Thanks so much for reading this story! The next week will be extremely busy for me, with my daughter's birthday, lots of final essays to grade for multiple classes, and a new class to prepare to teach (teaching _The Merchant of Venice_ online to homeschoolers across the globe!), so I doubt I'll have the next chapter up until next Sunday. I appreciate your patience and understanding. _**

_**Please do let me know what you think of this chapter. I'll try to respond to all reviews, but with my busy week, it may not be possible this time around. But I shall try as I love chatting with you! :)**_

_**To those of you who are Christians, I wish you a blessed Easter as we celebrate the Resurrection of our Risen Lord! I wish the rest of you a lovely Spring! My daffodils have already bloomed, but the purple irises are next, and they're lovely. :) **_

_**Much love to you all,**_

_**Cassandra :)**_


	34. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32**

**_All things _Twilight_still__ belong to Stephenie Meyer (sigh). I'm just twisting her story and characters into knots. Shall we see if I can untie them now...or at least loosen the knots a bit? ;)_**

His eyes sad, Carlisle looked at me steadily while Esme turned away, busying herself with tidying my already well-organized dresser so that I couldn't see her face. But I guessed that she was crying...or close to it.

After searching my eyes for a long moment, Carlisle sighed and nodded reluctantly. "I'll go call her now," he said quietly.

I couldn't help it. Tears streamed down my face. How I hated hurting him! But until I knew what secrets I was dealing with, how could I stay? I had lived with secrets before, and they had nearly killed me. I couldn't go through that kind of uncertainty and pain again...

It was the proverbial "catch-22" all over again. The Cullens insisted that I couldn't know what they were for my own safety, but I had to know for my own peace of mind.

I bent my head, avoiding Carlisle's too-sympathetic gaze, my shoulders shaking with the force of my tears. I ignored the pain that crying was causing to my tender ribs. Physical discomfort was nothing at all compared to this never-ending emotional pain...

Carlisle pulled me against his cool chest, and I clung to him unashamedly. "Don't cry, Isabella," he whispered soothingly as I cried silently, my body wracked with sobs.

Man, that hurt...

After a few moments, my tears began to slow, and Carlisle tucked a cotton handkerchief into my hand. I wiped my eyes and blew my nose indelicately, watching his face carefully.

I worried about both Carlisle and Esme; they had welcomed me wholeheartedly into their home, not counting the cost but desiring to help me above all else...even above the well-being of their present children. I couldn't agree with them for taking me in.

I simply wasn't worth it.

I wasn't worth it.

Carlisle pulled me away from him so that he could look into my eyes, his hands on my shoulders. "I do not want to hear you ever say that again, Isabella," he insisted, quietly but firmly.

_Oh, shit. I must have spoken aloud... _

But Carlisle was still talking to me, and I tried to pull my attention back on him as his soft voice continued.

"You are indeed worth it—so very worth it, my dear. We love you as one of our own already. We only want you to be happy, Isabella. And we don't want you to be worrying about us; we'll be fine. You need to do what is best for you."

He paused, swallowing hard and taking a deep breath, then he continued in a whisper, "I shouldn't have brought you here. I...we just wanted to help you..." His voice trailed off, and I noticed Esme's hands rested on his shoulders as she stood behind him, comforting and supporting him with her quiet strength.

Esme smiled bravely, but I could tell that she had been crying earlier by the redness of her eyes although I saw no trace of tears. H"We will never regret bringing you here, Bella," Esme insisted in a fierce voice. "You have brightened our lives so much. It's been a..._joy_ having you stay here with us." Her voice broke before she pushed on, and now she took a deep breath before she said slowly, "But now that you're so much stronger, perhaps Edward is right and you will be safer...elsewhere."

A frightening thought struck me at that point, stealing my breath away as if I had been punched in the stomach. I gasped, feeling my face drain of blood; I must have been deathly pale by the shocked and concerned looks on Carlisle's and Esme's faces. Carlisle reached for my wrist, to take my pulse I guess, as I forced out the words that terrified me to my core.

"But what if..._he_...comes for me wherever I am?" I whispered in a barely audible voice, my hands trembling in my lap.

Carlisle exchanged a knowing look with Esme, and I gathered that my thought was one that had already occurred to them.

_Of course it had. _

"Don't worry about that, Isabella," Carlisle assured me. "We'll make sure that you remain safe, sweetheart. You have nothing to worry about." He patted my shaking hands reassuringly, and I felt my breathing ease a bit.

But still...

"How?" I asked. "How will you keep me safe?"

"Don't worry about that, dear one. We have it all taken care of," Esme said, sitting beside Carlisle on the edge of my bed. "You'll be perfectly safe, wherever you are."

How could they make such a promise? Alice had mentioned something about premonitions, but Carlisle and Esme sounded so certain that it didn't seem possible for their sureness to be based on a mere premonition...

I felt dizzy as the emotions of the day took their toll, exhausting me, and I sagged back weakly into my pillows. Esme placed a soothing hand on my cheek, and smiled at me...a sad smile, but still, it comforted me.

Carlisle exchanged one more significant look with his wife, then looked back at me again. "Isabella," he spoke gently and hesitantly, "May I ask a favor of you?"

I nodded, curious now. The Cullens have been the ones bestowing favors galore upon me, so how could I refuse to do anything for them?

"May I continue to monitor your healing process as your personal physician?" he asked tentatively, almost as if expecting me to decline.

But this request was easy. I knew Carlisle, and even though I didn't feel safe under his roof, I trusted him implicitly as a doctor. Plus, even if I couldn't live with the Cullens, I wasn't prepared to break my ties with Carlisle. After all, I had known him since childhood, and he represented one of the few links to my real parents...especially as that link was forged during the darkest days of my life.

"I'd like that," I responded shyly, and both Carlisle and Esme beamed at me.

"Rest for now," he ordered gently. "I'll call Mrs. Jane and let you know what the plan is as soon as possible."

He got to his feet in one of those singularly graceful movements, Esme joining him. They each leaned over to press a kiss to my forehead, then left my room, closing the door quietly behind them.

I was so tired by the drama of the day that I was asleep within seconds...

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

It was dark, much too dark to see anything. But I knew something was wrong, terribly wrong, as I ran away from the light of the bonfire further into the black of night, praying that he couldn't see me, that he couldn't find me.

But his hot arms were suddenly around my waist, tackling me roughly into a mixture of rocks and sand. The fall knocked the air out of my lungs, and my face throbbed from both the impact of his tackle and from the hard slap he gave me across my cheekbones.

I screamed for help, but he muffled my cry with his huge hands roughly pushing my face into the sand and rocks. I tried to spit out the sand, but it was gritty and gross in my mouth. Then I heard a distant voice yelling at Jacob, telling him to stop, but Jacob had bounded to his feet now, kicking me over and over with his sharp-toed boots, my ribs throbbing, burning, cracking, splitting with each impact.

Everything faded away...then slowly came back into blurry focus.

Sam was holding me, his warmth so very welcome as I was so, so cold, pain moving through me in waves with each breath I took.

Sam and Jake argued in loud voices...Jacob yelling that I belonged to him...Sam trying to protect me...

Then Jacob did the unthinkable...the thing I had been burying deep in my mind, in denial since it happened...because it could NOT have happened...because it was fucking impossible...

_Jacob exploded into the form of a ginormous wolf. _

_ Growling at me, poised to attack Sam and me..._

_ Jacob just turned into a wolf...right before my eyes._

_ Jacob was a werewolf. A fucking werewolf..._

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

I screamed, panicked by the dream...by the _memory_...of what happened that awful night, the events that I had not allowed myself to think about since...

Someone's cold hands were on me, gently shaking me, calling my name in a familiar, soothing voice.

"Isabella? Wake up, sweetheart. It's only a dream; it's just a dream. Isabella..."

I screamed again, sitting bolt upright in my bed, ignoring the ripping pain in my side.

My eyes flew open to see Carlisle sitting on my bed, trying to awaken me, his hands gently holding my upper arms as he tried to awaken me from my nightmare, from my memories.

_From fucking reality..._

My chest heaved with my rapid breaths, pain radiating from my broken ribs outward, waves of pain...like the pain of that night...

One of my hands flew to my healing ribs while silent tears ran down my face.

_Oh, God...the memories..._

Carlisle gathered me into his arms, one hand rubbing my back soothingly as I stared over his shoulder, trying to assimilate this repressed memory...

Then I noticed that Carlisle was not the only one in my room. Esme stood next to him, reaching around her husband to place a reassuring hand on the top of my head. Alice stood in the doorway, her eyes strangely unfocused, as if she were seeing something completely different than my room. And constant movement from the doorway to the end of my bed and back again, a movement too quick to be completely human...Edward, tugging on his hair with one hand, was obviously upset. But by what?

He was making me dizzy with blurred pacing or whatever he was doing...

I sank, exhausted, into Carlisle's embrace, whispering, "How could I forget something like that?"

Carlisle pulled back, settling me gently onto my pillows as Esme fussed over my bed which had been torn apart by my thrashing during the nightmare. She smoothed the sheets, blankets, and quilt, then gave me a small, grim smile.

I winced as I tried to get comfortable, Carlisle noticing immediately, of course.

He insisted on examining me, Esme shooing a frantic Edward and a distracted Alice from my room.

But I couldn't think about them. The pain was distracting, but not distracting enough, unfortunately...

Carlisle palpated my ribs gently, noting when a sharp intake of breath signaled the source of my pain. His brows furrowed in concern.

"Hmmm. I think you may have refractured these ribs, Isabella," he said quietly, indicating my left side. "I doubt it's a problem, but I would like to take you to the hospital for an x-ray to be certain that there aren't any shards from the new breaks."

"Noooo," I moaned. "Not the hospital. Please, Carlisle?" I implored with my eyes, my hands reaching desperately for his.

Esme smoothed damp strands of hair back from my forehead. "Carlisle, could you go to the hospital and bring back one of the portable x-ray machines? Then Bella won't have to go to the hospital. I'm sure that she will be much more comfortable resting here," she suggested.

Carlisle considered her idea, then nodded. "Excellent idea," he approved, then turned to me. "Sound like a plan?" he asked.

I nodded, wiping my tears with the handkerchief he had given me earlier.

He smiled, but the smile didn't reach his eyes. "Very well. I'll be back within an hour, and we'll check out those ribs."

"Thank you," I whispered, looking first at Esme, then at Carlisle.

He placed his cold hand atop mine. "Whatever you need, Isabella. Always." Carlisle looked away for a moment, sighing softly, then touched my cheek in a silent but affectionate farewell gesture before he left the room.

His sadness was palpable.

Why was he sad?

That's right...

I was leaving. Soon.

Today.

Tonight.

Esme seated herself gingerly on the edge of my bed, careful not to jostle me. "Bella," she began quietly, "You said something earlier about forgetting something. What were you talking about?"

I felt my face hardening into lines of fear. I didn't want to think about what I had dreamed...or remembered, not now that I was back safe in the Cullens' lovely home being cared for with such loving compassion.

And they probably wouldn't believe me anyway...

But wait...the Cullens weren't human by their own admission. Were they werewolves, too?

I felt my heart rate pick up.

_Was I staying with monsters?_

I drew my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around my legs, ignoring the throbbing in my left side as I curled into a defensive ball in my bed.

Esme bent over me, concern in her eyes. "What is it, sweetheart?"

Edward was suddenly at the foot of my bed although I hadn't seen him enter my room. I must really be out of it if I didn't notice people coming in and out of my room...

His expression was tense, his now golden eyes burning into mine. But as our eyes met, I watched his eyes darken slowly, morphing from golden brown to black again.

"Y-y-your eyes..." I stammered, shocked.

"But that's not what frightened you," spoke a gentle voice from the doorway. Jasper had joined us, standing just inside my room next to a silent Alice whose golden eyes were huge in her pixie-like face.

I don't think Alice had ever been so quiet for so long in her entire life...

"Tell us, Bella," Esme insisted quietly. "What did you remember?"

I caught Jasper's eye again, and he was staring at me with a strange intensity. But as he fixed his eyes on me, I felt my body loosening out of its tense ball, and my breathing came a lot easier as my panic subsided significantly.

I didn't think I could speak of what had happened, but suddenly, I knew that I needed to share with these people who cared.

"I...I remembered that night," I began haltingly. "I...hadn't let myself remember it...although I have dreamed about it...sometimes..." I looked up at Edward then, recalling waking in his arms from one such nightmare.

At my glance, Edward stepped closer and nodded in encouragement as he stood silently behind Esme.

His eyes fused to mine, I continued telling them my nightmare, but it was as if I were speaking only to Edward.

As if we were the only two people in the room.

I had to stop often to sniffle or blow my nose as my tears flowed unchecked. But for once I didn't mind crying; these hot tears were cleansing, a baptism of sorts, as if they were sucking the poisonous fear of that night from my soul as I spoke.

My voice sounded clinical to me, as if I were telling someone else's story, but the occasional winces from Edward (and from Esme in my peripheral vision) demonstrated how brutal the attack had been.

Just as Jacob did not pull his punches when he struck and kicked me, I didn't pull mine, either, as I described walking off with my brother-figure, my mistake in welcoming his kiss (I thought I heard Edward growling under his breath as I related this information), then of my pulling back, and Jacob's violent reaction to my rejection. Then the beating...the kicking...

It was as if I was watching a movie in my head as I gave the details in a flat, emotionless tone, tallying each strike, each kick. Then I told of Sam's heroic rescue and Jacob's anger. I still refused to speak his name, but I couldn't help thinking it...

And then I stopped, pausing for breath and also to consider the best way to tell this most strange, nightmarish portion of that night.

"This is the scariest part, the weirdest part," I began, speaking slowly and deliberately. I wanted to sound rational and reasonable so that they wouldn't doubt my sanity. I took a deep breath, then continued, my eyes still fixed on Edward's beautiful face, his eyes brimming with anger and pain.

"I think I shut it out of my mind, blocked it somehow, because I didn't remember this part until today, until my dream," I said softly, almost in a whisper. "I still am not sure it was real, but I also know what I saw..."

I stopped again, swallowing hard. _Shit, this was difficult._

"Go on, Isabella," encouraged a gentle voice from across the room. I looked away from Edward's gaze for the first time since I started relating the story, almost jumping in surprise to see all of the Cullens now in my room, Carlisle included. He was standing in the middle of the room, Emmett and Rosalie at one side, Alice and Jasper on the other. Everyone was listening to me, spellbound.

Esme reached forward and took my hand, holding it gently in both of her icy ones. Her temperature should have frightened me, but I was past being scared by mere cold right now; I squeezed her hands back, and she smiled sadly.

Attempting to ignore my audience so that I could concentrate, I focused my gaze back on Edward's black eyes, and he nodded at me to continue.

But I was shaking from head to toe as I watched Jacob's transformation in my mind. It was impossible...but it had happened, nevertheless. My quick breathing hurt my ribs, but I couldn't calm myself any further. I felt tongue-tied, and they all waited patiently for me to be able to speak. Even Rosalie.

Finally I forced out the unbelievable words, "H-h-he j-just exploded...h-he...there was fur...and...huge teeth...and...," I stuttered. Taking a deep breath, I gazed deeply into Edward's eyes which were large in his pale face. Somehow I felt calmer, and I was able to speak a coherent sentence.

"H-he turned into a wolf...a gigantic wolf...the size of a horse. And he was growling at Sam and me. And he had huge sharp teeth and claws... I...I thought he was going to attack us..." My voice dropped, as did my eyes, which I focused on my hand in Esme's. "I was so scared."

_**Thank you for waiting so patiently for this chapter. It's a little shorter than the other ones I've been writing lately, but for putting it together in three days while working on two online classes and homeschooling the three barbarians, it's not too bad, I hope...**_

_**Someone asked about the length for this story; it's about halfway done now, perhaps a bit more. I'm thinking about 60 chapters...we shall see. **_

_**Thank you for all of your wonderful reviews—I so enjoy hearing from you...even those of you who didn't appreciate the last chapter. I do promise a HEA for E&B, so just be patient... ;)**_

_**For those of you who follow this story only, I posted a new one-shot called "On Our Way Home" which describes the trip home from Italy from Edward's POV. You know how I adore writing from Edward's POV...**_

_**Love to you all,**_

_**Cassandra :)**_


	35. Chapter 33: An Interlude

**Chapter 33 ~ Interlude**

He knew that she was the one. He knew this fact not with his mind - which was lightning quick in apprehending anything logical and reasonable and information-based. He knew this truth in the pit of his stomach, in the recesses of his heart. If he had a soul — a fact that he seriously doubted — he would be forced to admit that he knew she was his to the very depths of his soul.

But he didn't believe that he possessed a soul.

However, if he were not a soulless monster who had preyed upon countless human lives, he might be worthy of her...some day. Yes, the lives he had ended were those of the very dregs of society, the evil monsters who did not possess souls either, the ones who raped and tortured and murdered at will. After hearing the vile desires and plans passing through their unspeakably evil minds, he became judge, jury, and executioner. For the several years he spent on his own, he had convinced himself, albeit weakly, that he was saving more lives than he was taking.

But, deep down in that soul he didn't believe he possessed, he knew that he was no better than the monstrous lives he had ended because he murdered not for the altruistic reasons he clung to. No, he did not murder to protect...although protection provided a satisfyingly exculpatory perk. No, he murdered first and foremost to taste their sweet, hot blood, feebly justifying his actions until he could bear the guilt and shame no longer.

Welcomed home by an ecstatic Carlisle and Esme like the Prodigal, he rejoined his family and their "vegetarian" lifestyle, but those years on his own had done their damage. He could only see himself as a monster, the most dreaded kind: soulless, evil at heart, unworthy of the kind of love he witnessed daily under the roof he shared with his family. To quiet his conscience and to give the other couples privacy, he frequently took himself on solitary runs, finding his only comfort in speed, not realizing that he was trying to outrun himself.

Silently and enviously, he watched the perfectly-matched couples he lived with, awestruck by the love and pure connection they shared, how their minds and hearts melded effortlessly into one. When they craved physical intimacy with their mates, he thoughtfully slipped from their minds, allowing them what little privacy was possible in a home with three wedded vampire couples who could hear every whisper of love.

But no matter how deeply he ached for that connection with another, it never seemed to be within his reach. Many women, vampire and human, wanted him because of his physical beauty, but none seemed intrigued by the man behind the facade. Even Tanya, the most persistent of those who had pursued him, desired him mostly because of his indifference; she sought him not as a man, but as a challenge. Simply because he seemed unattainable, she wanted him all the more.

But it wasn't enough. He wanted — no, _needed_ – something more than mere physical release. He viewed love as essential to the experience, and because of his early 20th century upbringing, intimacy must be preceded by courtship and marriage. But he found himself dreadfully out of step with the current generation of both humans and vampires who took no issue with casual "hooking up," a practice that appalled him.

So he remained alone...and lonely. Patiently (and sometimes not so patiently) he waited, not knowing for what (or for whom) he waited.

And then after decades of being the loner, the solitary one, his black eyes met hers, warmed to the hue of melting milk chocolate. Blushing, awkward, modest, and quietly beautiful, she was everything he had ever dreamed of, everything he had imagined. He was entranced from the moment his eyes took her in, her silent mind a frustrating albeit a peaceful exception to the puerile thoughts of the rest of the students at Forks High.

Because of his damnable past, it seemed to be a simple case of divine justice that the one mind he longed to hear above all others was closed to him. Yet her silence, peaceful though it was, was unwelcome to him as he immediately wanted to know her every thought, her every dream, and even the most insignificant details of her human life. He wanted – no,_ needed_ – to know her utterly and completely.

Then her fragrance struck him with a unnatural power that he, in the arrogance borne of his century of existence, had never experienced first-hand, nor in the mind of another — not like this. He nearly fell to his knees in the middle of their English class as her scent overwhelmed him, ensnaring his senses completely. He had nothing to compare this experience to — nothing had ever reached into his depths and tied him in knots like the fragile strength of this human girl.

Holding his breath almost made it bearable, but he wanted to drink of her the way he had never wanted human blood in his entire existence. It took all of his immortal strength to remain in his seat and resist scooping her into his arms, ripping into her delicate throat, and devouring her hot blood in great, satisfying gulps under the shocked eyes of their entire class. Despite his sister's quick intake of breath beside him as the scene undoubtedly played out in her mind as a possible (or, in this case, probable) future path, he really couldn't find the wherewithal to care that there would be impossible repercussions from his despicable action; the few moments it would take him to completely drain her small body, her heart fluttering like a caged bird until it quieted forever, would be entirely worth kneeling before the Volturi, prepared for his utter immolation.

Yes, he decided, tasting her would be worth the hefty price: the price of her precious life, the price of being sought by the Volturi, even the price of bringing his miserable existence to an abrupt and violent end. Yes, definitely worthwhile.

The only way he managed to resist draining her dry right then and there was to vacate the classroom in the middle of the lecture...and he could barely force himself to do that much. In the remaining twenty minutes before classes finished, he had considered and discarded hundreds of ways to lure her away from the school and consume her blood in private, savoring every warm, wet swallow until her heart was silenced forever.

He was really, truly an evil creature to desire to kill a defenseless human girl simply because her blood more delectable than anything he had ever tasted; in fact, he despised himself all the more for the images hammering his brain again and again of consuming her sweetly floral blood, even if it meant killing a beautiful, innocent girl.

Then he learned her as a person, learned her fragility, her kindness, her compassion, her beauty, her incredible strength despite the years of abuse she had somehow survived, bending but not breaking under the evil she had experienced. And despite the horrors of her past, she did not seem withdrawn or bitter; no, instead she embraced life with a captivating _joie de vivre _and a beguiling innocence.

And he wanted her all the more now that he knew her. Now he no longer desired to drain her but instead to worship her. He wanted to kneel before her altar and become fully hers...hers to command as he adored her, protected her, followed her anywhere and everywhere.

For he desired to protect her delicate, beautiful humanity with a determination that stole his (unnecessary) breath away.

He was no longer his own, but somehow he did not mind in the least. He had always been independent, had always been a loner. He had answered to no one but himself...and but occasionally to Carlisle. But now he no longer belonged to himself.

He belonged to her. And he rejoiced in the truth that she owned him now – body, mind, and (if he had one) soul.

He finally accepted this truth with a joy that stunned him.

But now he had to force her to leave him...for her own well-being, for her own safety.

For even if he could somehow sublimate his thirst for her freesia-scented blood: the searing pain in his throat, the sudden rush of venom into his mouth, the aching hollowness of his belly no matter how recently he had fed, and the sheer NEED to take her and made her his and his alone as he drained her fragile body of its life-sustaining nectar, each moment so uncertain, her life always hanging in the balance, his family also struggled with the call of her sweetly-fragrant blood.

It was simple: she had to leave – before things turned ugly.

Before he could hurt her...or, worse, kill her.

She was destined to be his, yet she could not be his.

He lowered his head into his hands as with each of her heartbeats, their future was decided, nailed home with each thrum of her fragile, loving heart.

This future without her would leave him broken forever, not that he cared much about what happened to him despite the fact that separating her tender heart from his silent one would annihilate him. After all, this sacrifice, by far the most difficult one of his century-long existence, was all about her; he must to protect her at all costs, come what will.

And he was resolved to do exactly that: to protect her with all of his considerable, eternal strength.

He just hoped that it would be enough...

_**My apologies for the hiatus and for this short chapter. It came to me out of the blue several days ago, and I had to jot it down on my new smart phone...where I promptly lost it as I didn't know how to save a document. So I waited a day or so then attempted to recreate it here. It's not the same, but in some ways it's better this way. **_

**_And my apologies for the hiatus. Work has been slamming me with teaching an online course on _The Merchant of Venice, _homeschooling my own three boybarians, and teaching the MLA research essay to my high schoolers in our home school group. I've often been up working until 2:00-3:00 AM, and the overwork brought about a pretty bad flare-up of my rheumatoid arthritis and other autoimmune disorders. _**

_**My special thanks to all of you who so kindly reviewed the last two chapters. As much as I want to respond to each of you, I simply can't. But I read every one of them and save many to my special file of Fan Fic Comments. **_

_**Oh, and guess what? I'll be teaching a fan fiction writing class this summer at Brave Writer! It's supposedly for homeschooling kids ages 12-18, but anyone within that age group is very welcome. Just check out www(dot)BraveWriter(dot)com, then scroll down the Online Classes to the Fan Fiction class. It's not an inexpensive class, but it's a wonderful way to get reluctant writing students interested and involved in composition, even during their summer break from school.**_

_**Thank you all for your kind comments and delightful reviews! I cherish each one! And the next chapter will be full-kength and will be up next weekend, most likely Sunday. **_

_**Take care, my friends!**_

_**Love,**_

_**Cassandra :) **_


	36. Chapter 34

**From Chapter 32:**

_Finally I forced out the unbelievable words, "H-h-he j-just exploded...h-he...there was fur...and...huge teeth...and...," I stuttered. Taking a deep breath, I gazed deeply into Edward's eyes which were large in his pale face. Somehow I felt calmer, and I was able to speak a coherent sentence. _

_ "H-he turned into a wolf...a gigantic wolf...the size of a horse. And he was growling at Sam and me. And he had huge sharp teeth and claws... I...I thought he was going to attack us..." My voice dropped, as did my eyes, which I focused on my hand in Esme's. "I was so scared."_

**Chapter 34**

My words were met by complete silence. Every one of the Cullens were frozen...as if they were fixed in place by a magic spell or something.

Tears welled up in my eyes against my will, and despite trying to blink them into submission, they trickled down my cheek. Slowly I raised my head, my glance first focusing on the purple-ringed eyes of Edward Cullen.

He was utterly still, his hands gripping the top of the carved end of my bed; his eyes, though starkly black, were somehow aflame with something that looked like fury.

Edward had never looked so terrifying...or so beautiful. I couldn't take my eyes off him as his gaze burned into mine.

The silence was broken by a sharp cracking sound as the wooden bed frame under Edward's hands crumbled into shards and splinters.

But the sound seemed to reanimate the Cullens. Carlisle and Esme exchanged panicked glances while I heard Emmett mutter, "Fuck, man," under his breath. Rosalie looked nearly as upset as Edward, and Jasper made a hissing sound as he flinched backward, almost as if he were being bombarded with something.

Alice's voice was the first to ring out after the destruction of part of my bed. "What the hell is going on?" she screeched. "I can't _see_ _anything_ this afternoon!"

What did she mean, she "can't see anything"? Was she going blind? Or did she just have a lash in her eye?

But wait—how could she know that she wouldn't be able to see _this afternoon_?

Okay, I was getting confused...or at least more confused than usual. I felt that funny wrinkle pop up on my forehead as I tried to make some sort of sense out of Alice's exclamation.

Then I pushed aside my interior questions as Alice's panicked voice morphed into controlled annoyance for a moment. She spoke quickly, almost too quickly to be easily understood as she imperiously pointed at the floor at her brother's feet. "The only thing I know for certain is that Edward had better clean up his little mess there as Mrs. Jane will be arriving in twenty minutes."

Okay, but how did Alice know _that_?

But Alice's fear returned as she finished, "But later this afternoon, everything just disappears..." Her face took on a far away expression, as if she were daydreaming, or was at least trying to. Then she shook her head sadly, moaning, "Nothing! After four-seventeen this afternoon—nothing!"

How did she know this? And down to such a specific time?

The Cullens were already pretty damn weird, but Alice was getting stranger by the second...

Carlisle ghosted toward Alice so quickly that I gasped quietly; fortunately, no one but Edward turned toward me as their attention was riveted on the tiny brunette. Carlisle took Alice's hands in an apparent attempt to calm her. "Do you think someone is coming?" he questioned cryptically.

Alice shrugged, but her eyes looked worried. "After what happened before, it's my best guess."

Edward made a strangled sound, then turned away from me as if he didn't want me to see his expression. His evasion sent a shiver of fear up my spine as questions and thoughts continued to bombard my mind.

Who is coming? Not a stranger, as he or she or they had been here before. So who? And why were they hiding it from me? Was this whole thing something about me?

Carlisle's reaction, Alice's worry, Edward's panic...I shook my head, hoping that someone in this wacky family would make sense, but no such luck. Damn.

Once again Edward started pacing between Alice and the end of my bed, back and forth, one of his hands pulling nervously at his mess of auburn hair. "They can't come here, not after all she's been through," he muttered angrily. Was he talking about me? He stopped for a moment, narrowing his dark eyes at his father. "You can't allow it, Carlisle; it isn't safe. I don't care who it is—we can't let them near her!"

Carlisle sighed. "Well, let's deal with Mrs. Fairfield first, then we'll move on from there," he stated firmly, then disappeared down the hall.

Esme was still sitting beside me, and she patted my hand absently, smiling at me weakly. "I'll go prepare some tea for Mrs. Fairfield. I'm sure she'll want to chat with you, dear." She swallowed hard, then looked me in the eye. "Bella, you need to do whatever is best for YOU. Don't worry about us. We'd love to have you stay, of course, but we want whatever is best for you. All right?"

Her motherly arms surrounded me in a gentle hug, and I leaned into her embrace for a moment as I felt her kiss the top of my head. My eyes filled with tears again at her loving gesture. God, it felt wonderful to have parents—parents who love me and want what's best for me.

What a foreign concept.

"I'm sorry," I gulped, ashamed both of making a decision that would take me away from the Cullens...and embarrassed by my constant waterworks. I had gone for years at a time at the Blacks' without allowing myself to cry, and here at the Cullens' I cried at every blinking opportunity. Literally.

It was frustrating...and somehow freeing...to finally be able to let down my guard a little and not stuff my emotions down deep to fester like I usually did.

Then it struck me.

Despite their secrets, I actually felt _safe_ here in the Cullens' mansion.

_Safe._

_ Protected. _

_ Loved. _

Could their secret be as monumental as Jacob's? After all, I had lived under the same roof as a fricking _wolf _for who knows how long?

Of course, look where THAT got me...

No, I couldn't live with secrets.

But part of me wanted to try to stay here anyway, secrets and all.

The whole thing was really confusing.

Esme let go of me and rapidly left the room, not looking back, but I noticed that her shoulders were shaking the way mine did when I cried.

Jeez, now I was making the gentlest person I know cry, too.

I sighed, my shoulders slumping dispiritedly into my pillows.

My room was not empty yet. Rosalie had followed Esme from the room, so now I was left with Alice and Jasper, Emmett and Edward. Jasper moved to the center of my room as he approached my bed. Another strange hissing sound split the silence, and I noticed Edward's black eyes fixed malevolently on his brother.

"Sheesh, Edward," complained Emmett. "Hold it together, will you? He's just gonna talk to Bella."

But Jasper moved no closer to me; he peered at me curiously, as if I were an interesting specimen he wished to examine. "Don't worry, darlin'," he said with a soft but definite Southern drawl. "Esme and Carlisle will be fine, whatever you choose to do. You just do the best thing for you, and we'll all be fine."

"Speak for yourself," interrupted Emmett with a frown. "You can't leave us, Bella. Who else would I watch movies with and bother all day? You know I need ya."

Alice snorted in a definitely unladylike manner. "Yes, you need to tease her and make her life miserable," she grinned, winking at me, lightening the mood of the room for a moment.

I cracked a smile at long last, and Alice looked inordinately pleased with herself.

Emmett was immediately on the defensive. "Bella, you know how I love to tease you, but really." His smile faded, and the jovial note in his voice faded. "You gotta stay, chickie."

I felt tears welling in my eyes..._again_. God, I hated all this crying! Maybe it was because of my weakness while getting better after what happened. But I really hated crybabies...and here I was becoming the Queen of the Waterworks.

Ew.

I sniffled noisily as Emmett stepped forward and gave me a gentle hug, ignoring what sounded like a growl from Edward and quite possibly some muttered threats. With a kind of choking sound, big and burly Emmett turned on his heel and disappeared much faster from my room than I thought possible, Jasper on his heels.

I tried to surreptitiously wipe my eyes, hoping that Edward and Alice wouldn't notice my tears...although nothing seemed to escape their sharp eyes. However, they seemed to be locked in a silent debate. Staring hard at each other, Alice kept shaking her head at Edward whose face was stricken with something that appeared to be panic or fear. Then as Edward sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers, Alice began jumping up and down like a pogo stick, clapping her hands excitedly.

"That's it," she crowed. "You've got it, Edward!"

Edward's beautiful mouth was agape in shock, and he somehow seemed even paler than before...which I wasn't sure was even possible.

The rest of the family was back in my room in a split second in response to Alice's excited call and applause. One minute Edward and Alice were the only Cullens in my room, and a blink of an eye later, my room was packed full.

Sometimes this family seriously creeped me out.

"What is it, Alice?" Carlisle asked, his eyes hopeful.

She turned to him, her eyes glowing. "It's simple, really. We just tell Bella the truth."

Edward was still frozen in consternation, shaking his head in the negative. He swallowed hard, tried to speak, and couldn't. Closing his eyes, he swallowed again. "No," he managed to whisper roughly. "She can't know. It's too dangerous."

Emmett jumped in at this point. "Dude, she already knows about the wolves. What's so different about us?"

Now _that_ was interesting... Did the Cullens change into some kind of animal, too?

Edward glared at his larger brother with such ferocity that Emmett took an automatic step back. Whoa. I didn't think much could intimidate huge, burly Emmett, but apparently Edward could...at least now. Edward was really wound tightly, and I felt a deep sorrow in watching his extreme worry. My chest seemed to ache with how much I hated to see him this upset.

Esme was shaking her head slowly, obviously not agreeing, and Rosalie was stony-faced as she whirled to address Alice.

"You're going way too far, Alice!" Rosalie hissed, her arms folded tightly across her chest. "We are not endangering our family on _her_ behalf."

It was my turn to glare...at Rosalie; I didn't like her sneering tone at all, especially as I was positive I was the "her" she referred to.

Emmett saw my pique and laughed, amused as if I were a mere child angry at a tiger while Edward gave a low hiss...I assume at Rosalie since he was glaring at her, his hands fisted at his sides.

By simply raising his hand, Carlisle called all of the tumult produced by Alice's announcement to a sudden halt. "Let's listen to Alice for a moment," he advised quietly once the room calmed.

Alice stepped toward me, smiled benignly first at her family...and then at me. "I've seen it. Everything works out for the best if we just tell her."

I sat up in bed, eager to finally be told the truth and still curious about Alice "seeing" things. What did she "see"?

I really had to know.

Carlisle gazed into Alice's eyes calmly for a moment, then nodded briefly, ignoring hisses from Rosalie and Edward and a muffled cheer from Emmett. Esme frowned, clearly worried.

I glanced around the room, feeling instinctively that Alice was right. "Tell me, Carlisle," I begged. "I can handle it. I promise."

Edward began his frantic pacing again, rudely pushing Emmett out of his way as he ghosted between my door and the pile of debris at end of my bed (which he still needed to clean up), murmuring what sounded like low curses under his breath.

Gosh, Edward certainly was an emotional teenager. He was either up or down; there didn't seem to be anything in between. Not only did I feel sorry for him, but it also truly disturbed me to see him so distraught. I wanted to take his hand and try to calm him, but he wasn't looking at me as he pulled at his beautiful hair with one hand and continued pinching the bridge of his nose with the other, clearly at his wits' end.

But why?

My concerned watching of Edward's pacing was blocked my Carlisle as he sat on my bed, Esme standing behind him again, her hands resting on his broad shoulders. Carlisle took my hand in his, squeezing it gently as he smiled calmly at me.

"I have hated hiding who we are from you, Isabella. We love you as our own, and you have been quite justified in your wish to know the truth about us before deciding to stay in our home permanently."

Rosalie huffed, then left the room in a snit, muttering some choice curse words loudly enough that I heard her quite clearly. Despite my pique at Rosalie's rudeness earlier, I was worried about her now. "Is she okay?" I asked timidly, feeling at fault for Rosalie's outburst.

Jasper stepped forward, smiling slightly. "She's just concerned, Bella. We have never told a human what we are before, and there will be consequences to telling you the truth. But despite my misgivings, I trust Alice. So if she says that this is the best course, then we go forward."

Edward stopped for a moment in front of Carlisle. "Are you certain about this?" he hissed, his black eyes glowing with anger and...fear?

"Yes," Carlisle responded calmly. "Telling Isabella everything has always been my wish, and as Alice has also seen doing so as being our best course, then Isabella should know what we are."

"But-" he started, but Alice cut across him. "Edward, trust me. You will be extremely happy _very soon_ if we proceed with this plan of action." Alice was grinning smugly at him, but her lips moved in a strange way, as if she were speaking a foreign language or something.

Edward threw his hands in the air. "Stop blocking me, Alice," he complained bitterly, then calmed slightly as he continued, "I don't care how I will feel 'very soon'; I am concerned about the future. About the Volturi. About Isabella being further endangered. I'm looking at long-term consequences, Alice. Are you?" he challenged, his arms folded across his chest.

"As far as I can see, this is the safest and best choice," Alice said firmly, her smile fading as she looked seriously into her brother's coal-black eyes.

I sucked in a deep breath, then winced, my hand flying to my side where my injured rib throbbed.

"Did you bring the portable x-ray, Carlisle?" Edward asked, his eyes on me as he frowned with concern.

"Yes, and you're quite right. We should take care of Isabella first, then tell her," Carlisle agreed, and Edward sighed, obviously relieved.

"Nooooo," I objected. "Truth first, x-ray later." There was no way of God's green earth that I was letting anything or anyone, even Edward, get between me and the truth, especially when Carlisle is obviously moments from revealing all.

"Truly, Isabella, the x-ray will take five minutes, and then both Edward and I will rest easier."

Alice rolled her eyes. "You know, I can just tell you the results, you idiots."

Carlisle chuckled. "And I could have saved myself a trip to the hospital," he teased gently.

Alice sighed, then stated, "Slight fissure on the right ninth rib, but it's just a hairline fracture. No splinters or any other danger."

Edward relaxed his pose ever-so-slightly by unfolding his arms and leaning back against my dresser; he definitely looked a little (a very little) less on edge.

I lay back on my pillows, hoping that if I lay very still, nothing else would interfere with getting to the truth at long last.

Carlisle cleared his throat, something I wasn't sure he even needed to do, and I noticed Esme squeezing his shoulders slightly in encouragement. "Isabella, you've noticed how different we are. Your...I mean, the Quileutes are also different. They are descended from a long line of shape-shifters which in their tribe become wolves. They change back and forth between their human and wolf forms at will."

I frowned, concentrating. "You mean like werewolves?"

Carlisle shook his head, and I noticed Edward tensing in my peripheral vision. "True werewolves have no control over their change; the moon cycles produce their change from man to animal whether the werewolf wishes to change form or not. The Quileutes, once they change into their form once in adolescence, can with practice control their form and change at will."

"So do your family change into animals, too?" I asked, grimacing as Emmett guffawed wildly at my question.

"Emmett, hush," Esme corrected over her shoulder. "Let Bella and Carlisle talk. This is a lot for Bella to take in."

"No, we do not change form like the Quileutes," Carlisle said gently, smiling a little at Emmett's antics. "Our family is more similar to the werewolves of yore."

I frowned, not understanding.

Out of the corner of my eye, I watched Edward lowering his eyes, almost as if he were ashamed of what was coming...or was afraid of my reaction.

Carlisle squeezed my hand gently, smiling at me as he said quietly, "Isabella, our family are vampires."

_**Yes, I'm afraid that I'm leaving you there. I apologize for roughness as I have not edited this chapter as thoroughly as I usually do, nor have I taken the time to double-check some of my facts. **_

_**Many thanks for sticking with me anyway. I have one more "weekend from hell" ahead of me this weekend as I have to grade all of my incoming research papers and compute final grades for my high school expository writing class for our last day of classes on May 31. **_

_**So I'm afraid that I won't have time to write another chapter until after June 1. I'm so sorry! I hate waiting ten days between chapters, but I just won't have time to even think about writing—and I may not be able to respond to reviews, either. Grading research essays is all-consuming. Sigh... **_

_**But after May, my weeks and weekends will be much more open, and I'll be able to post longer and better chapters and some of the one-shots wandering around in my leaky imagination. **_

_**Thanks for all the kind reviews for last week's unusual point-of-view; we'll be back to Bella for now, despite how much I adore writing EPOV. ;) **_

_**Much love, as always,**_

_**Cassandra :) **_


	37. Chapter 35

**Chapter 35**

"_Isabella, our family are vampires."_

I lay back limply in my bed, stunned by Carlisle's words. My glance flew from one unearthly beautiful face to another, and between the serious expressions I met in each set of identical golden eyes and the agony in his dark eyes, I knew immediately that Carlisle was telling me the truth.

Finally, I had the truth.

But, my god—what a truth!

My hand, trembling like the proverbial leaf, rose to my mouth in shock as my eyes widened.

_Vampires. _

_ No fricking way._

My eyes went round the room again, and each Cullen was unnaturally still, watching me warily. Each familiar figure looked strangely foreign at the moment, more like a gorgeous Greek sculpture of ideal beauty than my friends.

The shock of Carlisle's revelation was so great that I felt as frozen as they were, absolutely incapable of movement except for the continued trembling of my hand over my mouth as a wave of nausea washed over me; I swallowed back the burning bile and tried to gather my scattered thoughts.

_Vampires._

_ Werewolves._

_ Vampires!_

_ Oh god. _

What kind of world did I live in? A world of supernatural creatures? A world of werewolves and vampires, right here in tiny, boring Forks and miniscule, po-dunk La Push where I had lived my entire life?

_Impossible! _

My gaze rested again on each Cullen in turn, lingering just a moment longer on Edward whose agonized eyes bored into mine, making my heart leap strangely.

_ Impossible._

My eyes returned to Edward's incredible features, tracing his chiseled jawline, his Grecian nose, his wide forehead, his full lips. His was a beauty too intense to be merely human.

Impossible?

No.

It was oh-so-possible...

My chest ached, and unconsciously I lifted my other hand to press against the dull pain.

Carlisle patted my hand firmly to get my attention; I had forgotten that he was holding my hand in his icy fingers. "Breathe, Isabella," he advised quietly, his usual comforting smile absent now.

I sucked in a deep breath and the ache in my chest dissipated; I had not realizing that I had been holding my breath while my mind spun out of control.

Unfortunately, not only my mind was spinning. The walls were spinning, too, and the seven sets of eyes fixed on me whirled sickeningly. Another wave of nausea crashed over me, and I swallowed bile again as my sight narrowed into a weird blackness, pressing my chest and stealing my breath.

"Isabella?" I heard Carlisle's voice as if from a distance although he was sitting beside me; I still felt my hand in his cold grasp...which tightened as he called my name again, his voice worried and sharp.

But the blackness was whisking me away, and I couldn't fight it; I didn't want to fight it. I let the darkness steal me away, and I was strangely grateful for the welcome oblivion.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

My limbs felt oddly heavy, as if I had walked for miles. In the distance I heard a humming sound that slowly morphed into voices. But it took a while before the words made sense to my confused mind.

"Carlisle, are you certain she's all right?" a familiar, panic-stricken voice asked urgently.

"Edward, she's only been unconscious for three minutes. Give her some time; her mind needs to adjust-"

"But she's so pale. Are you certain—" Edward interrupted, ignoring his father's experienced reason.

Carlisle's calm, patient voice interrupted Edward's panic. "Yes, I am certain she's fine, Edward. All of you, back away and give Isabella some air, please."

I felt cold fingers on my wrist, taking my pulse. My other hand was held tightly, almost too tightly, in another cold hand.

"Emmett, Rose, Jasper, Alice, could you leave the room? I want to keep Isabella as calm as possible when she awakens...which should be momentarily, according to her rising heart rate."

"She will open her eyes in ninety-three seconds," I heard Alice's excited voice.

"Thank you, Alice," Carlisle replied patiently. "Now, please, could we clear the room except for Esme, Edward, and myself?"

I heard what sounded like a groan of complaint that must have come from Emmett, then Alice's heels stamping a staccato rhythm of protest across the floor. My bedroom door closed, but not quietly.

What had happened? I felt as if I were being held underwater, as if I could not move. As if I were paralyzed.

Is that what happened?

Was I hurt worse than I had thought? Had Ja-

No, that was before.

But what was going on now? Why were my limbs so heavy? Why couldn't I move?

"Bella, love, please wake up," Edward's beautiful voice begged me as he squeezed my hand gently in both of his.

Good, at least I could feel my hands.

I tried to do as Edward asked and open my eyes, but I couldn't; they were too heavy still.

Then I remembered.

_Werewolves._

_ Vampires. _

My chest tightened as my heart sped, beating a panicked tattoo beneath my already-sore ribs.

Vampires. The Cullens...vampires.

"Esme, please pour a glass of water. She will need fluids when she comes around." Carlisle's calm voice helped to center my wild response.

But how could evil vampires take such tender care of me? Carlisle and Esme treated me like a daughter. Alice and Emmett treated me like a little sister. And Edward...

"Bella, please, wake up," whispered Edward's agonized voice, breaking through my ponderings.

"She'll be fine, Edward," soothed Esme's voice. "This has all been such a shock to her, poor dear."

The motherly tone in Esme's voice made me want to cry. It had been so long since I had been mothered. Not since Sarah Black died...not since my mother died. Esme was a wonderful, loving mother...who happened to be a vampire.

I couldn't wrap my mind around the two polar opposites: vampire and mother.

I was so dreadfully tired. I just wanted to curl up in Esme's lap and sob all the heaviness and pain away.

"Carlisle, is that a tear? Why is Bella crying? Is she in pain?" Edward's voice rose in fear as I felt his cold fingers gently wiping away the evidence of my sorrow.

But the tears didn't stop. I couldn't stop.

"Edward, you're going to terrify the poor girl," Esme chastised gently. "Here, let me take her."

"No, I have her. I need to-"

"Edward, let you mother..." Carlisle's voice broke off just as I was finally able to pry my heavy eyelids open.

Bewildered, I looked from Edward's anxious eyes, to Carlisle's calm ones, to Esme's loving ones. "Esme," I choked out in a faint whisper, trying to raise my arms to hug her.

Before I knew it, I was in Esme's arms, being rocked gently in her lap as I sobbed uncontrollably. All the physical pain from my injuries, all the exhaustion of my long rehabilitation, all the fears of the supernatural truths Carlisle had informed me of, all of it tumbled out in scorching tears as I wrapped my arms weakly around Esme's neck, buried my face in her cool shoulder, and allowed her motherly love to comfort me.

Vampire or not, I needed her. I needed all of them.

Carlisle's voice interrupted my cleansing tears, and I raised my swollen eyes to look at him as he spoke gently, but with an urgent warning just below the surface, "Mrs. Jane will be here momentarily, Isabella. I don't think I have to tell you that humans are not supposed to know our secret, or the wolves' secret, either."

I nodded meaningfully as Carlisle pressed a cold kiss to my forehead, smiling sadly at me as he pulled away. My sobs quieting now, I rested my tired head on Esme's shoulder as she held me close, murmuring so low that I couldn't make out the exact words. I nestled closer, finding comfort in her musical murmurings.

A knock at my door roused me, and I lifted my head groggily. Over Esme's shoulder I saw Carlisle opening my bedroom door and quietly inviting Mrs. Jane into my purple sanctuary.

Esme pulled away from me a little, just enough to look me in the eyes. "How are you feeling, sweetheart?" she asked, her golden eyes warm and loving. "Do you feel up to talking to Mrs. Jane?"

I nodded, and Esme helped to settle me back into my pillows, efficiently tidying my rumpled bedclothes with a few strategic tugs.

Once I was comfortably situated, Carlisle handed me a glass of water without my having to ask for it; I was dreadfully thirsty. I smiled up at him a little weakly, and Carlisle rested his hand atop my head in an affectionate gesture as I drained half the glass. Meanwhile, Esme pulled up a chair beside my bed for Mrs. Jane.

Only then did I notice that Edward was not in my room; I felt strangely bereft without him there, watching over me with his alert dark eyes that seemed to miss nothing where I was concerned.

As I opened my mouth to ask after Edward, Esme leaned over to kiss my forehead. "We'll let you chat with Mrs. Jane, dear. But don't overdo; you've had a difficult day," she said.

"Thank you," I whispered to both Carlisle and Esme as they gave me a final worried look, then left, closing the door behind them.

Mrs. Jane's visits had always been pleasant up until now. She had stopped by once a week to pick up a written report from Carlisle detailing my physical and psychological condition, reports that would be used in court against Jacob and Billy, eventually...we hoped. There had been some legal entanglements due to the Quileute reservation being a sovereign nation, legalities that Billy and Jacob had been attempting to hide behind; thus, they remained free as long as they remained on the reservation.

However, the state attorneys' office had been slowly working their way through the reams of red tape as they sought arrest warrants for both of the Blacks. It wasn't going to be easy, but it was possible, Mrs. Jane reassured me each week as she gave me an update of the progress concerning my case.

Now Mrs. Jane seated herself in the chair beside my bed, smiling, then looked at me more closely with concern.

"Bella? What's wrong? You look as though you've seen a ghost, sweetie," she asked, her brows coming together in a worried frown.

Ghost? Great. That's all we needed to add to the mix. The next thing I'd know, witches and wizards would be real, too. Hey, maybe Harry Potter would fly by, scoop me onto his Firebolt, and whisk me off to Hogwarts. I choked back a laugh, wondering at my swift shift in mood.

Oh well, as Esme had said, I'd been through a lot today.

I couldn't help a little smile at the thought of the beloved book series that Jacob had sneaked from the library for me, teasing me mercilessly over my Potter addiction. I remembered his willingness to patiently wait in line all evening in Port Angeles to snag me the seventh and final installment of Harry's adventures available at midnight, and his pleased grin at my "eternal thanks."

But my smile faded as more recent memories supplanted the rare happy ones—Jacob attacking me, trying to rape me, exploding into a wolf right before my eyes...

I swallowed hard, closing my eyes against the terrifying images bombarding me, barely noticing that Mrs. Jane had taken my hand and was squeezing it in a motherly manner.

"Bella? What is it?" she asked, leaning toward me. "You've obviously been crying, and you look so pale and upset." She continued in an even gentler voice, almost cajoling, "You know that you can tell me anything, right? We'll keep you safe—the Cullens and I will make sure that he never touches you again."

Opening my eyes, I stared, dumbfounded, at Mrs. Jane.

_She was right. _

_ So damn right. _

For weeksI had been terrified of Jacob coming back for me and hurting the Cullens, knowing that it would be all my fault if their kindness in caring for me resulted in injuries (or worse) to any member of the Cullen family.

But now I knew that I was surrounded by a whole family of vampires. And I had the feeling that Jacob, wolf though he may be, was no match for seven vampires.

Unwittingly, I had ended up in the safest place possible for me with Jacob still on the loose.

I was safe here...safe from Jacob and any other wolves in La Push. I breathed a sigh of relief.

_But..._

But the Cullens were vampires...vampires who had not hurt me, true. _Not yet..._

But by definition, vampires drank blood, after all.

That could present a problem.

Could I live in a houseful of murderers in order to protect myself from Jacob and/or from any other wolves who may wish to harm me?

But _murderers_?

Somehow I couldn't see the Cullens taking human life after human life, especially with Carlisle being a doctor; he worked tirelessly in order to save lives. Many lives, mine included.

No, the Cullens could not be cold-blooded murderers. Not compassionate Carlisle nor gentle Esme nor rollicking Emmett nor ice-princess Rosalie nor enthusiastic Alice nor...

Well, okay, Jasper and Edward both scared me a little sometimes; they seemed less..._under control_ than the other Cullens. But still, even Jasper and Edward treated me with the utmost respect and kindness.

So how did the Cullens obtain the blood they needed? Did they buy it from bloodbanks? Did they deal with black market suppliers? I could much more easily believe those scenarios than the Cullens committing hundreds of heinous murders.

Besides, if they went around murdering people right and left, they couldn't very well stay here in Forks for an extended time, being pillars of the community and all that. There would be too many unsolved homicides, especially with seven of them to feed. It would raise too many suspicions...

Okay, so I could agree that the Cullens weren't murderers. And that I was probably safer here than I could be anywhere, especially with Jacob not yet behind bars.

And thus I made my decision: I would stay with the Cullens.

I heard a cry of sheer joy echoing across the house that could only have come from Alice. But how could she know what I had just decided?

Must be a coincidence...

Sighing contentedly now that my decision was made, I opened my eyes to meet Mrs. Jane's worried stare.

"Bella, what is it? Dr. Cullen said that you wanted to talk with me about something very important. He sounded quite upset on the phone."

I had to think fast. "I-I-I'm just scared that Jacob will find me. I, um, I've been having nightmares: Jacob finds me and takes me away from here, and he and Billy lock me in my room again, and I'm right back where I was." I wasn't _really_ lying; I had awakened from such dreams several times since coming to live with the Cullens, and somehow Edward was always right there to calm me.

The sensation of Mrs. Jane patting my hand returned me to the present. "Don't you worry, dearie. I've talked to the state attorneys' office just this morning, and they are within a few days of issuing arrest warrants for the Blacks. They'll be in jail soon, and you'll be safe. Plus, Dr. Cullen assures me that he's installed the latest in security here, so you should be just as safe as if you were guarded by an army."

_Yeah, an army of vampires_, I thought to myself, then shook my head at my loopiness.

The stress is obviously getting to me...

"Was that all you were worried about, Bella?"

Quickly thinking up a few other questions, I asked her about when I could begin schoolwork at home, and Mrs. Jane assured me that Alice could start bringing my class assignments next week. I grinned to myself, hoping that perhaps Edward would perhaps tutor me in the afternoons after school.

The pull I felt toward him seemed to only strengthen with time, and I wasn't sure why I felt this way toward him. Something in his eyes made me want to erase the sadness hidden in their depths, and I wondered at his story. After all, the five Cullen kids were all "adopted," but...

Of course, now that I knew the truth, I wanted to learn more about what brought each of them into Carlisle's family. I had a feeling that Edward's tale would be especially sad, and it didn't help that he was the only Cullen not paired up. I hated seeing the way his loneliness haunted him.

As our conversation wound down, Carlisle returned to my room, smiling widely, as he handed Mrs. Jane his weekly report on my progress. I lay back into my pillows, smiling slightly as they discussed my progress and Dr. Cullen's plans for my rehabilitation with a personal trainer that would start next week. I didn't catch any details; I was just too glad to know that I would be remaining with the Cullens where I was loved like a daughter and a sister and perhaps...

Carlisle politely offered to walk Mrs. Jane out to her car, and after we said our goodbyes, he escorted the social worker from my room.

Almost before Mrs. Jane's voice faded away, my door was practically torn from its hinges as a flash of color and movement streaked across my room. By the time my eyes had focused properly, Edward was sitting on my bed, both of my hands clasped gently in both of his. His black eyes sparkled with something akin to excitement and/or joy; I had never seen him look this way...this _happy_. He was so beautiful that it almost hurt to look at him as his lips curled into a stunning smile of triumph.

"Is it true? Is Alice correct? Have you decided to stay with us?" he asked in a rush, speaking so quickly that I could barely understand his questions at all.

I was so choked up by his incredible beauty and heartfelt joy that I could not speak; instead, I nodded, smiling back at him.

"Really?" Edward asked again in disbelief, shaking his head as if he couldn't believe his good fortune.

"Really truly," I managed to whisper, my smile widening at his ecstatic expression.

Edward's joy became my joy as he looked deeply into my eyes and I gazed into his beautiful dark eyes, alight with happiness and joy and something more, something deeper...

His cold hands were suddenly cupping my face with the utmost gentleness, and somehow I was not startled by his rapid and surprising movement. I held my breath in expectation as his face came closer to mine, our eyes still locked in an intense, soul-deep gaze. I felt a longing...something I had never felt so strongly in my life. But what was I longing for?

My question was answered as his lips tentatively brushed against mine once, twice, three times. Edward pulled back for a moment to gauge my response. Somehow my hands were atop his without conscious thought as he cradled my face. I smiled serenely, feeling as if I were home at last, and he smiled back before pressing his lips carefully against mine.

While part of me wanted to clasp him to me, I instinctively felt his tentative fears...that every movement he made was a test to be certain I was perfectly safe. Gently his lips began to move against mine, and I held my breath in joyous surprise.

Edward was kissing me, adoringly and reverently, as if I were the most precious being in his world.

And I returned his kiss, just as carefully, in awe that such a beautiful creature-someone more angel than man-could feel this tenderly toward me.

At last he pulled back, and although our lips reluctantly parted, the restrained joy shining from his face took my breath away. I was incapable of speech as Edward leaned his forehead against mine, sighing in contentment, his sweet, cold breath washing over me.

I could not remember ever being happier...or ever seeing Edward look so ecstatic.

Then, our foreheads still touching, his beautifully molded red lips parting and smiling down on me, Edward Cullen whispered the words that would shift my entire universe:

"Isabella Swan, I love you more than life itself."

_**So there it is! I hope that you found this chapter worth the wait.**_

_**Thank you so much for your kind patience while I dealt with grading final essays for my online and co-op classes. I still have two weeks of homeschooling and two weeks of my final online class left to go, but the vast majority of my work is behind me now, and I'll be back to updating weekly, probably on Sundays. **_

_**Thank you also for your lovely comments; I apologize for being unable to respond to many of them, but I should have time to reply now that summer's nearly here.**_

_**Have a wonderful week, my friends, and thank you for your patience! **_

_**xxxooo,**_

_**Cassandra :) **_


	38. Chapter 36

**Chapter 36**

_ Edward Cullen whispered the words that would shift my entire universe:_

_ "Isabella Swan, I love you more than life itself."_

I felt my eyes widen with shock at Edward's passionate words. I wasn't sure that I had heard him right.

_Love_? He actually _loves_ me? _Me_?

_No_, I shook my head. _No way. He couldn't love me. He shouldn't love me. _

_ Why? Why would he love me?_

_ It simply made no sense whatsoever. _

I was sure that my jaw was agape, my mouth sagging open in utter shock and disbelief

_Such an attractive look,_I scolded myself, forcing my mouth closed with an audible snap.

While my mind scrambled to make sense of his words, Edward's dark eyes were scanning mine intently, obviously waiting for a response.

I was shocked into silence...into complete immobility.

_But what should I say?_

_ What could I say? _

_ "I'm not worth it"-would that work? _

As Edward continued to stare at me, his otherworldly face serene, his eyes filled with hopeful expectation, I blushed, casting my eyes down to my lap, but not before I noticed disappointment begin to cloud his beautiful eyes.

Rather than leaning toward me, as he had been doing, he sat up straight, putting space between us.

"I apologize, Isabella," Edward said quietly, avoiding my eyes now. The hope that had illuminated this man was now completely absent, his voice low, quick, and nervous as he continued, "I shouldn't have said anything. I was just overcome by the moment, and..." His velvet voice trailed off, but I could hear the pain behind his apologetic words.

Tears once again began to fill my eyes and dribble down my cheeks; I swiped at my face impatiently. God, all I did was cry lately! I was getting so annoyed with myself, so I'm sure that the Cullens, and Edward especially, were getting sick of me, too.

I felt so stunned by his shocking revelations, and somehow, so weak. I hated myself for the pain I was causing Edward. I wasn't sure what I felt about him. Without question I was drawn toward him, and I often seemed to feel the same emotions that he felt, as if a special line of communication existed between only the two of us, enabling us to know one another at a strangely deep level ever since our first glances at Forks High.

But I couldn't put any of these thoughts into words.

As I struggled with what to say, Edward's calm mask reappeared quickly, blocking his true feelings from me, almost as if he were protecting himself from something (or someone) who could truly injure him.

"I'm sorry, Isabella," he stated quietly and without emotion, his face oddly neutral despite the fierce burning of his eyes. I hated that he felt he had to conceal himself, protect himself, from me. He continued in the same flat voice, "You still aren't well, and I shouldn't have put more stress on you. I apologize," he repeated stiffly.

"I...I..." I tried to say something. _Anything_. Seeing him so obviously in pain seared my heart, speeding the silent flow of tears down my face.

"Edward, you idiot!" hissed Alice from the doorway. "That's quite enough from you. Out!" she ordered, her finger pointing imperiously out my bedroom door.

Edward slowly rose to his feet with his usual inhuman grace and moved silently to the doorway. He paused for a moment beside Alice, then looked at me once more, his eyes tight with pain. He opened his mouth to say something, but his sister held up her palm to stop him before he could make a sound.

"Out!" she repeated. And with once last sorrowful glance at me, he obeyed.

Alice was instantly at my side, holding me in her arms. And then the dam burst, and I sobbed like a small child.

It was all too much. The long years of isolation and abuse. Jacob's attack and the realization that he was something not human. The pain of this long, excruciating recovery. The love and acceptance of the Cullens. Carlisle's fatherly care, and Esme's lovely mothering. The secrets...and the revelations. The decision to stay anyway. And then the kiss and Edward's declaration.

It was all too much to bear, and I sobbed out my fear, my frustration, my feelings for Edward (whatever they may be), his kiss, his love for me.

Ignoring the searing pain in my chest and side from my broken ribs, I cried and cried in Alice's embrace, releasing all my pent-up feelings. Alice said nothing; she just held me, kissing the top of my head from time to time and rubbing my back comfortingly.

Finally my sobs began to quiet, and Alice let go of me and leaning over toward the bedside table, she snagged the box of tissues and placed it in front of me. I pulled out a couple, blowing my nose and trying to take deep breaths to calm myself and quiet the nagging pain in my ribs caused by my cleansing cry.

"I am going to wring that boy's neck," declared Alice, her golden eyes sparkling with an odd mixture of amusement and ire. "He has the most awful timing imaginable. I can't believe he just sprung that on you with no warning. I swear..." Her voice trailed off as she shook her head sadly. "He makes life so difficult for himself."

I sat up fully in bed, wiping my eyes and blowing my nose indelicately again. "It was all my fault, Alice," I whispered. "I just couldn't think-"

"Well, of course you couldn't," she empathized. "Edward tends to either overthink everything to the tenth degree or else he acts without thinking at all. This...whatever it is...is obviously a case of the latter," she finished wryly.

I just shook my head, not wanting to argue with Alice but feeling an irresistible need to defend Edward.

"I hurt him so badly," I said mournfully. "I hated not being able to say something...anything."

"He'll recover," Alice said cheerfully, giving my bed a little bounce in her recovered excitement. "Trust me on this one."

"You didn't see his face," I tried to explain, but she cut me off.

"I did see it...several times, in fact."

I looked at her in amazement. "How did...?" I couldn't frame the question.

Alice looked at me carefully, tapping her chin thoughtfully as if she were considering the next move in a chess game. Then she made up her mind as a blinding grin lit her lovely face, and she called without raising her voice, "Carlisle? Everyone?"

Before I could blink, my room was filled with the entire Cullen family as they gathered near my bed. Edward alone remained near the door, leaning stiffly against the doorjamb, his gaze fixed on his shoes as he refused to meet my eyes. I hated seeing him so despondent after his beautiful, ecstatic joy of mere moments ago. I sighed, but continued watching him closely from under my eyelashes.

"What is it, Alice?" Carlisle inquired as Esme seated herself on the edge of my bed, leaning forward to touch my tear-swollen face lovingly.

"I think it's high time that Bella learn more about vampires and the Cullen Family in particular. You know, a sort of 'Vampire 101' crash course," Alice said decidedly.

"Cool!" Emmett grinned at me. "It's about time you learn about our awesomeness, little sis." His smile was so infectious that I couldn't help returning a tentative smile.

And so I listened as each of the Cullens, starting with Carlisle, shared their stories, my eyes darting to Edward throughout the telling of their histories.

I was shocked to hear how old Carlisle was, yet in a way, it made perfect sense. He was so wise and compassionate, and it must have taken years for him to inure himself to the scent of human blood in order to practice medicine. His story of being attacked by an ancient vampire in London was harrowing. His self-hatred as a son of an Anglican priest once he realized what he had become, plus his realization that he could survive on the blood of animals and avoid murdering innocent humans led him into his current compassionate existence and opened the door for the gradual increasing of his family.

Although groups of vampires were indeed called _covens_, I quickly realized that Carlisle was right in calling the Cullens a family. They truly were a family, squabbles and all.

I loved the story of how Carlisle met Esme when she was only sixteen, falling in love with her when she was a girl. But I shivered at the horror of his discovering Esme in the morgue of the hospital where he worked as a doctor, her heart scarcely beating after her fall from a cliff.

Carlisle "saved" her; in fact, he had "saved" all of the Cullens except for Alice and Jasper, and even those two he saved in a different way by offering them a peaceful life, so removed from the ugliness and thoughtless murders of "normal" vampire existence. But Carlisle had saved Esme differently; he knew before he changed her that she would be his mate for all eternity.

Esme gently entered the story at that point, telling me about the small baby she had loved with all her heart but how he had only lived just over a week before dying. She related a few details about her husband, but enough for my eyes to grow huge with understanding: Esme had suffered physical and psychological abuse, too. So it was no wonder that she reached out to me so completely. I was surprised to learn that Carlisle had found Esme after she had leapt, not fallen, from a cliff in an attempt to end her own life, for she was crazed with grief at losing her tiny son.

Alice chimed in next, although she had few details to share of her life before becoming a vampire as she knew nothing about her human life. But somehow she knew where to find Jasper who quietly shared his tale of being a young Confederate officer during the Civil War and then a leader under an ambitious vampire named Maria who utilized his "gifts" to raise armies of vampires to conquer more territories and thus ensure a consistent supply of blood. Although Jasper provided only sketchy details, I could sense how violent his life had been before he met Alice and how they together had sought out a more peaceful way of life with the Cullens.

The only ones reluctant to relate their tales were Edward, who passed on Carlisle's invitation with a wave, and Rosalie, who actually growled at Carlisle when he mentioned her. Carlisle provided a quick summary of when and how each of them joined the family. I was surprised that Edward was Carlisle's first "child"-how ill he was and how the Spanish Influenza epidemic orphaned him in 1918 Chicago. Edward didn't interrupt Carlisle's tale, but he didn't look up at me or add anything to his father's rather vague descriptions.

Carlisle didn't share much at all about Rosalie, only stating the year he found her injured in the streets of Rochester, New York, and that he simply couldn't allow "such a waste." With a toss of her beautiful blonde hair, Rosalie gracefully exited my room after directing a violent glare at Carlisle, apparently no longer wishing to participate in my Cullen history lesson.

Carlisle only looked at me somewhat abashedly and shrugged at Rosalie's reaction as Emmett jumped in with his story of a bear-mauling gone wrong and waking to see Rosalie's face, convinced that she was an angel. Emmett enthusiastically shared his history of joining the family only a few years after Rosalie.

After the stories were told, Carlisle turned to me. "Do you have any questions, Isabella?" he asked kindly.

I couldn't suppress a rather indelicate snort as I rolled my eyes dramatically. "Only a few hundred," I teased, and all but Edward broke into smiles and amused chuckles of varying degrees.

Jasper looked at me intently as the soft laughter died away. "You are taking this all in remarkably well," he observed quietly.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "How do you-" I started accusingly.

Carlisle smoothly interrupted. "Isabella, it is rather uncommon, but some vampires have been granted certain 'gifts'-abilities beyond the norm for even our kind."

I nodded in understanding, and Carlisle continued, "Several members of our family possess such gifts."

"Like what? Who?" I asked as he paused.

"I can often see future events," Alice trilled, dancing nearer to me. "Of course, the future is always subject to change as people change their minds, but I 'see' the path they are on at a certain time, as well as other possibilities and often ways to prevent or cause a certain result."

"Wow, a real-life fortune-teller," I breathed in awe, and everyone except for Edward and the absent Rosalie laughed softly.

I sat up straighter in bed, my eyes focused on Alice as she smiled softly back at me. "Yes, Bella," she answered my unasked question demurely.

The others looked quizzically between myself and Alice who replied, "Bella had asked a question earlier about how I knew something that I shouldn't, and now she realizes that I could see everything because of my gift."

I rolled my eyes. "You know, this not being able to even ask questions before they get answered could get a little frustrating, you know?"

Emmett let out a roaring guffaw at my annoyance. "Welcome to the Cullen family, Bella!" he crowed as Alice narrowed her eyes at him.

Jasper took a step forward and explained his rather subtle gift of emotional recognition and control.

I nodded, saying, "So that's how you knew that I was handling everything you all were telling me so well? You could 'read' my emotions?"

"Yes, ma'am," he drawled, tipping an imaginary hat in my direction; I smiled a little.

I considered Jasper for a long moment. "But you can also change how I'm feeling about something, right?"

He nodded, seeming more serious now.

"So how will I know which emotions are mine and which ones you are making me feel?" I asked skeptically.

"And there's the rub," claimed Emmett, grinning. "You don't. None of us do for sure unless Jasper tells us or we figure it out."

I stared at Jasper again, feeling worried, biting my lip as I considered how to politely phrase what I needed to say.

Jasper gave a short laugh, but it lacked amusement; it was more rueful. "How about if I don't alter your mood unless you ask me to do so or unless it's a very serious situation?" he asked.

"What qualifies as 'a very serious situation'?" I asked solemnly.

"A situation in which you or someone else could be injured or killed," he returned seriously.

I nodded briskly. "Okay, I can agree to that one," I decided, smiling slightly.

Jasper reached forward to shake hands on our agreement, but a malevolent hiss from Edward stopped both us from sealing the bargain with the customary handshake as we froze in place, our eyes moving to Edward who looked absolutely livid.

Alice interrupted, her eyes sparkling with barely-suppressed anger. "So, Edward, why don't you tell Bella about your talent," she sneered.

My eyes were focused on Edward's angry face, his jaw clenched as he continued to glare at Jasper. It was almost as if they were carrying on a conversation...without words.

His eyes still fixed on Jasper as if he didn't trust his brother in the least around me, Edward blurted out, "I can read minds."

I paused for a moment, shocked, then I fully understood what what Edward said, and my mind reeled with dizziness. I dropped my head in my hands, trying to keep the swirling blackness at bay. Carlisle's hand was on my shoulder in a silent question as to my well-being.

Taking a few deep breaths, I blinked rapidly, trying to clear my head. "Y-you can read minds?" I whispered, my eyes huge with fear. _Oh, god, what if he knew how I felt about him...or how I __might__ feel about him? What if he read my mind while we kissed? He must have! _

Edward straightened and looked me in the eye for the first time since he had entered my room. "I can read every mind I have come across in over ninety years...except for yours, Isabella," he said quietly, but there was an unspoken plea beneath his words.

I shook my head for a moment. "You can't read my mind?"

He shook his head, his eyes still focused on mine as he responded gently, "No, I cannot read your mind."

"Not at _all_?" I questioned insistently.

"Not at all," he repeated.

"Thank god!" I exclaimed, and a light chuckle of amusement ran around the room again.

"You see, Isabella," Carlisle continued, "I believe that each of us brings the best of our human qualities into this life, and if our human attribute is unusually strong, then it becomes a gift when we enter immortality."

I nodded. "So Jasper was kind of charismatic as a soldier?" I asked softly.

Carlisle's eyes lit up, glad I had caught on so quickly. "Exactly!" he exclaimed. "Jasper's natural charisma became helped him to become a reader of feelings and even enables him to alter moods as a vampire, just as Edward's sensitivity to people's thoughts increased to the level of mind-reading, and Alice's precognition developed into 'seeing' future paths and events."

"What about the rest of you?" I asked.

Carlisle smiled serenely, moving behind Esme and placing his hands on her shoulders. "Having only one gifted vampire in a family of our size would be extraordinary, but having three is nearly beyond belief. However, I think we all bring the best of ourselves into this family. Emmett brings his brute strength into his vampire life, Rosalie her tenaciousness," I heard a few snorts at Carlisle's attempt to turn Rosalie's pigheadedness into a positive quality; he smiled slightly himself then continued, "and Esme brought her ability to love deeply."

Esme smiled as she added, "And Carlisle brought his compassion," she finished as she reached up to pat his hand on her shoulder.

I smiled quietly at each of the beautifully-inhuman faces, each one beloved to me in a different way. Best of all, Edward was looking at me again, a shy smile playing around the corners of his mouth.

Then several things happened in quick succession to burst our happy little family bubble.

Alice froze in place, a perfect statue as she gasped, "Oh, no!" All eyes flew to her, mine included, as her eyes glazed over; she seemed to be seeing something we could not...and I realized that was exactly what was happening.

Then Edward shot to the center of the room from his place near my door, a panicked expression crossing his face for the merest moment, replaced almost instantaneously with a terrifying fury as his white hands fisted at his sides and a deep growl burst from his chest through his formerly-smiling lips.

Rosalie was back in the room in a flash just as Alice pulled her gaze from whatever future she had been seeing. Alice's panicked eyes met Edward's and I could tell immediately that they were on the same page.

Carlisle spun on the spot toward the door as Esme leapt to her feet; Jasper and Emmett were half-crouched, glaring out my bedroom windows and ready to attack.

Alice cried out, "The future just vanished...I see nothing. _Nothing_!" Almost simultaneously, Edward growled, "They're here. The whole pack. They're surrounding the house as I speak."

Panicked, my eyes flew to each beautiful face now frozen in horror, and for some reason, I noticed the clock on my bedside table.

It read precisely seventeen minutes past four in the afternoon, exactly the time that Alice had predicted that our futures would completely disappear...

_**Thank you all for reading and reviewing! I love hearing from each of you! I'm pretty sure that I responded to all reviews this week, and I thoroughly enjoyed chatting a bit with each of you!**_

_**I apologize for posting twelve hours later than planned; some unforeseen family things came up, but at least it's up now. **_

_**Until next weekend, my friends~**_

_**Warmly,**_

_**Cassandra :) **_

_**xxxooo**_


	39. Chapter 37

**Chapter 37**

_**My apologies for the lateness of this chapter. I've been ill and am still recovering from the very-much-too-busy semester I'm just finishing...**_

I tore my eyes away from my clock, glancing up at Carlisle's tense face, then quickly at the other Cullens, one after the other.

"Jasper?" Carlisle asked tersely in a near whisper as Jasper straightened from his defensive crouching position.

Ah, yes. Jasper would be the one they'd look to for strategy after all his military experience – he must be the family tactician.

While a small part of my mind focused on the strategic conversation swirling around me, I tried to quell the galloping fear that grasped my heart and muddled my mind: "the pack" – whom I guessed must mean the Quileutes – being here meant one thing...

_He_ would be here, too.

_He_ was _here. _

_ Now. _

Closing my eyes, I concentrated as hard as my weakened state allowed on not losing myself in the vicious memories. Through sheer willpower I forced my mind to focus on the present, not on the past and not on the fear that tried to swallow me whole.

Opening my eyes to the present scene, I saw Jasper looking meaningfully at Edward. "How many voices are you picking up?" Jasper asked him, his words low and quick.

Edward's beautiful brow furrowed as he concentrated. "It's difficult to tell; it seems that the Quileute shape-shifters communicate telepathically while in their wolf forms. Their minds are not truly independent in that form; their thoughts almost meld into a single collective thinking process. It's almost impossible to separate the thoughts of individuals from the group as a whole" he said slowly, his attention clearly divided between talking to us and listening intently to the Quileutes. "But I'd say at least eight of them, perhaps more."

"Shit," murmured Rosalie. She spun, facing Jasper. "What's the best plan?" she demanded.

"Kill 'em! Kill 'em all!" growled Emmett, keeping his voice low while remaining in his half-crouch, his eyes shifting between me and the window. He seemed more than ready to defend me to the bitter end, and I couldn't help smiling just a little at his older-brother protectiveness. Emmett was truly amazing.

The whole family was incredible, actually, in the way they were strategizing in order to protect me from my former friends and...family. If I could ever really call _him_ "family," that is...

"Wait," Carlisle's quiet but firm voice interrupted my wayward thoughts. He spoke to his family, but his eyes darted among Emmett, Edward, and Jasper, as if he were warning them in particular. "We need to plan our approach to this situation with the utmost care. We must keep this confrontation from becoming violent, or lives could be lost on both sides."

My gasp was almost silent, but every Cullen turned to face me as my hands flew to my mouth in shock. Carlisle just warned, _"Lives could be lost on both sides."_

The panic I was trying to keep at bay was returning. I knew that I could not allow the Cullens to be injured or killed for me. And Carlisle's warning illustrated something I had not considered to be even possible: these wolves could injure or even destroy vampires, something I did not think was possible...until now.

My glance flickered to each Cullen in turn. Rosalie, haughtily beautiful as she waited for the plans to be finalized. Emmett, still growling and ready for action at a moment's notice. Jasper, the careful tactician, considering the pros and cons of each approach. Alice, seemingly delicate but wearing a ferocious expression so unlike her pixie-self. Esme, protective and motherly, yet emitting a faint but steady growl of anger. Carlisle, obviously torn between his hatred of violence and his desire to defend me at any cost, even if it meant a loss to his family.

And Edward, his dark eyes resting on me with a mixture of agonized longing and abiding love.

How could we lose any of them?

And it would be all my fault. If I weren't here, none of this would be happening. The Cullens' home would not be surrounded by a pack of wolves.

Yes, this was all on me.

I hadn't noticed my breaths quickening until I was nearly gasping, my heart pounding painfully in my chest. My vision blurred, both with the effort of breathing and with tears.

Carlisle was at my side before I knew it, his cool fingers on my wrist, his voice deliberately calming. "Isabella, calm down. Take slow breaths, my dear. Slow breaths." His presence was soothing, but it wasn't the one I needed.

Edward was suddenly in front of me as he knelt beside my bed.

Gently taking my hand in his, his eyes were liquid onyx as he gazed into mine.

"It would not be your fault, Isabella, if something happens today. You cannot blame yourself for their decisions," Edward murmured, his gaze holding mine captive.

Had I spoken aloud? Or had Jasper alerted Edward to my guilty feelings?

No matter how he knew, what I saw in those dark eyes quieted my wild gasping for air, quieted my racing heart, quieted my panicking mind. I could almost think again, albeit not normally.

I took slow, deep breaths, and Carlisle, his fingers still on the wrist of the hand not held in Edward's, nodded approvingly at my new-found calm. He released my hand, and Edward took it, holding both of my hands within his large, cool ones. I sighed, drawing strength from his presence.

But I also wondered if Jasper were helping me calm down with his gift. It was difficult to trust my own feelings when I knew how easily they could be manipulated.

But one concern in my muddled mind remained clear.

"Can you tell if..._he_...is here?" I whispered to Edward.

His jaw tightened, but he nodded once, his eyes searching mine anxiously.

I returned his stare impassively, somehow not overly upset at the presence Edward had detected; I figured that _he_ would indeed be present since this "meeting" seemed to concern me. I wasn't sure what Edward was looking for as his eyes bore into mine, but a moment later, a dangerous spark entered his dark gaze.

"What are you hearing, Edward?" Carlisle asked quietly.

Edward's glance seemed to look right through me, and I could tell that his mind was elsewhere – outside, with the Quileutes.

"They want to speak with us...the leader does, anyway," Edward whispered tersely. "He's in his human form and is waiting in the clearing facing the front of the house...with," he paused, glancing at me quickly to measure my response as he continued slowly, "with _him_."

The muttered curses that were spat out by every Cullen except Carlisle and Esme didn't really surprise me; if I hadn't been so distracted, I probably would have joined them.

"Can they hear us?" Rosalie asked, worried.

Edward shook his head. "They aren't approaching the house too closely because our scent bothers them, so as long as we keep out voices low, they can only make out murmurs, but not words."

"Good," Alice breathed.

"What do you mean, 'our scent bothers them'?" asked Esme.

"Our scent burns their noses...like concentrated bleach," Edward replied quietly.

Rosalie and Alice exchanged smug smiles; this news apparently pleased them.

Carlisle turned again to Jasper. "What approach do you recommend? We need to minimize the chances of violence-"

Edward interrupted, "That's going to be difficult. The majority of the Quileutes are spoiling for a fight; the leader is already struggling to keep control of the pack, especially..._him_."

I couldn't avoid cringing, and Edward glanced at me, his eyes full of gentle concern as his thumbs ghosted across the backs of my hands. That slight but soothing motion quieted my panic before it started.

Nodding his acknowledgment to Edward, Jasper turned to Carlisle, his expression grim. "Here's the plan. Esme needs to stay with Bella," he said quietly. He caught Esme's eyes and stated in a low but commanding voice, "If any one of them enters this room without one of us with him, you protect Bella at all costs, even if it means finishing him."

Esme nodded, her face set, her golden eyes snapping with fury as she seated herself on my bed beside the kneeling Edward. She ducked her head a little so that we were face-to-face. "We won't let anything happen to you, sweetie," she assured me in a firm whisper. Her words were more than merely a calming statement; they were a promise. Esme may look motherly and gentle, but something told me that if her family were at stake, she could kick some serious ass.

I managed a wobbly smile for her, and she leaned forward to kiss me on the forehead, sealing her promise.

Jasper quickly mobilized the rest of the family to locations around the exterior of the house, with himself, Edward, and Carlisle approaching the leader via the front door and onto the porch.

"I'm worried about this," Edward said, pointing to the windowed wall of my room that was faced the front porch.

"I don't like it either, but Bella can't really be moved from this room, can she?" Jasper answered, looking to Carlisle.

"It's not a good idea...unless it is unavoidable," the doctor replied firmly, glancing at Esme who nodded almost imperceptibly as Edward sighed, obviously frustrated.

His beautiful eyes stared off into space for a moment; then he whispered, "They're getting restless, and it's becoming more and more difficult for the leader to keep them focused." His eyes returned to me, worried.

"All right then, let's get moving. Stations, everyone," Jasper ordered in a terse murmur.

Carlisle approached me, kissed me on the forehead, and murmured, "We'll take care of this, Isabella. Don't worry about a thing."

I tried to smile but failed, which happened again and again as Emmett and Jasper gave me encouraging grins and Alice ran forward to hug me. Rosalie avoided my eyes and sniffed haughtily as she left my room, but she apparently went to her assigned post without complaint.

Edward gently squeezed my cold hands in both of his icy ones; his beautiful black eyes were aflame as he whispered, "We will protect you, Isabella. We will!"

In his eyes I saw the devotion I had glimpsed earlier; these words, too, were a promise, a vow. Even without an assurance of my feelings toward him, Edward was willing to meet these monsters head-on in order to keep me safe.

I wasn't worth it. But the intensity of his gaze spoke to my heart more clearly than his words and actions. In his searing eyes I saw a deep, otherworldly love burning for me, a love that was timeless and eternal. In addition to his love shone a determination to protect me and a pure devotion that took my breath away.

I didn't understand how I recognized his feelings so clearly, but in that moment, I began to accept them...and began to accept Edward.

My hand seemed to rise of its own volition, lifting from his gentle grasp to cup the side of his perfect face. "Be safe," I whispered, my eyes filling with tears.

He leaned his head into my touch, and the answering flame in his eyes brought a new warmth to my entire body; I felt my face flush beneath the eternal love shimmering through his inhuman beauty.

To me, Edward Cullen looked like an avenging angel, and I almost felt sorry for the Quileutes, especially _him_, when they faced this vampire.

_ My_ vampire.

"Edward?" murmured Jasper from the doorway.

Edward slowly raised my other hand, brought it to his lips, and kissed it gently while my other hand continued tracing the beautiful shape of his cheekbones; he covered my hand with his for a moment, and time seemed to stand still for a moment under the sheer weight of our emotions.

Sighing quietly but never breaking our glance, he gently lowered my hand from his face and laid both my small hands atop the quilt, then covered them protectively with his large ones for a moment, his searing gaze never leaving mine.

A rush of movement and air swirled around me, and he was gone; only Esme and I remained in my room.

Despite the serious situation we were facing, she could not repress a momentary victorious smile which I caught in my peripheral vision.

Barely able to suppress my tears, I turned to Esme. "Will you be able to hear everything that happens?" I asked, keeping my voice low.

Her smile gone, Esme nodded solemnly, adding, "Everything that is spoken, anyway."

I thought for a moment as Esme absently ran her fingers through my hair; her cool touch was soothing, and I felt myself relaxing back into my pillows a little. "Is there a reason why Carlisle took Edward and Jasper with him to meet the Quileutes? Can their gifts make a difference?" I asked softly.

Esme sighed, then nodded. "Yes. Hopefully Jasper can keep everyone's emotions calm, and Edward can track their thoughts, seeing if we are being told the truth, if there's an attack planned, etc."

I sighed and relaxed a little more. "So there's a good chance that no one will be hurt, right?" I whispered eagerly.

It was Esme's turn to sigh. "That's our hope. It all depends on the Quileutes' reasons for coming here." She paused, listening.

"They are greeting one another," Esme reported. "Someone named Sam is apparently the leader, and..." She looked at me, then continued in the merest whisper, "Jacob is with him."

Involuntarily I winced at the name that I had not spoken, nor had the Cullens in my presence, since my attack.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart," Esme apologized softly.

"No, it's okay," I assured her. "Just report what happens; don't worry about...Jacob."

I felt proud that I didn't react this time.

Internally, however, I smiled.

I had done it.

I had spoken his name.

And it didn't tear me to pieces.

I felt as if I had taken some of the power back that he had stolen from me.

But my smile was wiped away as I noticed that Esme's features were frozen as she listened to the conversation outside.

"What's happening?" I asked quickly, my hands tightening around her hard, cold fingers.

"The Quileutes want assurances that you are safe," she answered. "Only they didn't phrase it as politely as that...or at least Jacob didn't."

I sighed, imagining very easily how rude Jacob was when angered.

"Apparently the Quileutes have better-than-human hearing. So Carlisle is requesting that you call out to Sam and tell him that you're all right. Jacob wants to see you, but obviously Carlisle won't allow that."

"Do I need to yell?" I asked, sitting up straight, ignoring the stab of pain in my ribs and the inevitable stab of fear.

"No, just call as if you were calling for one of us as usual," she said, patting my hands reassuringly.

"Sam," I called, my voice slightly hoarse. "I'm fine, okay?"

"You sure, Bella?" I heard his familiar voice boom from the front yard and through my closed window.

"Yes, I'm getting better. The Cullens are taking great care of me," I added, then slumped back into my pillows, exhausted by the effort.

Then I heard a growl, followed by a too-familiar voice bellowing, "Bella! You get your ass out here!"

Hearing his voice raised in anger immediately brought back visions of that night. Vaguely I was aware of my hands shaking within Esme's as she pulled me protectively into her arms.

Even I, with my mere human hearing, could clearly detect the shouts emanating from the front of the house. I couldn't concentrate on the words being yelled; everything in my mind blurred except for the arms holding me, rocking me comfortingly as if I were a small child.

But I was vaguely aware of Esme's tenseness; she must be hearing what was being said — or shouted — in the front yard. I heard growls of various kinds, but I couldn't tell if they were wolf-growls or vampire-growls.

Perhaps both.

Finally the growls lessened, then quieted, and I felt Esme sigh, apparently in relief, so I relaxed a little too. I felt her kiss the top of my head as she continued her soothing rocking motion.

_It is so nice to be mothered, _I thought. _So nice to be part of a family...even if the family was not, well, normal. _

But our peace was not long-lived. A commotion froze both Esme and me in place...a loud commotion, a close commotion. Too close. Deafening growls and shouts melded into terrifying crashes, and I covered my ears.

Then a loud BOOM! shook the house to its very foundation.

Suddenly I was gently gently lifted from my bed with blinding speed, my head supported against Esme's shoulder. I closed my eyes just as a resounding CRASH! exploded into my room.

And we were no longer alone.

Opening my eyes in shock, from the protection of Esme's arms I saw that my bedroom wall with the window facing the porch was...GONE. Or at least it had been burst through, the cloudy afternoon light filtering in through the dust and debris.

And before us stood a huge red wolf, the size of a Clydesdale, growling menacingly as it approached us...

_**I apologize for the lateness of this chapter and its rather short length...and for yet another cliffhanger. It just seemed like a good place to stop, you know? ;) **_

_**But I hope to redeem myself by posting the next chapter by Sunday, Monday at the latest, so you'll only have to wait a few days to read what happens next. Deal? **_

_**(But I'm still ducking in self-defense...)**_

_**Thank you for all your lovely reviews of the last chapter; I haven't had time to respond yet, but I still hope to do so if at all possible.**_

_**I don't often offer recommendations, but I have four authors whom I highly recommend your reading **everything** they've written:**_

_**Lady Gwynedd**_

_**pattyrose** _

_**SparklingWand**_

_**catharticone**_

_**They are simply brilliant, so I hope that you enjoy reading their amazing work! **_

_**And if you aren't following the beautiful ladylibre's "Serenity's Prayer," you ought to! She's incredible! And it seems that the story is nearing its conclusion.**_

_**Until Sunday/Monday, my friends,**_

_**Cassandra**_


	40. Chapter 38

**Chapter 38**

The horse-sized wolf in the middle of my bedroom bared his long white canines and growled menacingly. From where I sat in bed, I shrank into Esme's protective arms, throwing my hands over my head to minimize the damage this monster would do to me. I only wish that there could be some way that I could help Esme fight him off.

But I knew that I was utterly helpless.

_However, Esme was not. _

I felt a dizzying whirl of motion. So rapidly that I almost didn't understand her, Esme whispered, "Stay here, sweetheart. I'll keep you safe." Before I could respond, I was deposited on the floor with extreme gentleness as Esme pressed a quick kiss onto my forehead.

Afraid of what I would see, I raised my head slightly to peep from below my arms at the scene before me. I sucked in a shocked breath, then coughed violently as dust burned my throat and choked my lungs.

Despite the coughing fit, I was soooo not ready to see the events unfolding only ten feet away from me.

White dust, pieces of torn and destroyed drywall, and glass shards from my shattered window littered my room, making it nearly unrecognizable. Thick white dust continued to swirl heavily through the air, distorting my sight, and the dust was landing heavily on my arms, my head, the back of my neck, forming a chalky coating that I could taste on my tongue.

Shocking as the utter destruction of my beautiful bedroom was, it was nothing compared to the fight scene occurring in the ruins of my former room.

Esme had placed me carefully on the floor in the corner farthest from the windowed wall Jacob had burst through, and now she crouched protectively, her back to me, shifting back and forth on the balls of her feet, ready to leap to my defensive as needed.

And I was surprised that the guttural growls ripping in my ears were not emanating from the huge russet wolf facing me, but from gentle, motherly Esme.

Despite the complete shock of having a gargantuan monster tearing down my bedroom walls and now apparently wanting to attack me, I almost smiled at this totally inappropriate moment.

_I had always known that Esme was kick-ass._

My amusement, however, was short-lived. In the distance I heard growls, yells, crashes, and general destruction, so we weren't the only ones battling wolves, it seemed.

How did this happen? How were they all doing?

_Was this attack upon the Cullens' home really all about me?_

My thoughts were interrupted by movement in what was left of my room. The growling monster took several more steps toward Esme, and then there was a melee of color, sound, and motion too quick for me to comprehend. The noise was terrifying, and I threw my hands over my ears to muffle the growls and crashes only feet away from me. Every few seconds I saw a flash of white teeth in a fur-covered muzzle, then it was pulled back into the twisting, tumbling confusion.

Esme's goal was to keep the wolf away from my corner, and at first she was successful; the wall that housed my door was the next one to crumble beneath the wolf as Esme threw him through it, then followed him into the hallway in a violent swirl of motion.

I could see almost nothing. Occasionally both Esme and the wolf would stop for a second, Esme always between me and the wolf, then they would go at each other again. Whenever they paused, my eyes raked over Esme, trying to make sure she was all right, but before my eyes could truly focus, the fight would be back on again, and I could discern nothing except growls and crashes as the wolf tried trick after trick to get past Esme and reach me.

I was frightened beyond belief, so much more than when Jacob had attacked me on the beach. There it was just him and I involved. But here people I loved were fighting for me, _perhaps dying for me_, and the thought that I had dragged them into this battle, this _war_, sickened me.

And as I prayed that more Cullens would appear to help Esme fight this beast, I swallowed down the bile burning my throat. The other Cullens must also be fighting fiercely if no one could come here to help Esme.

I mean, they all had to hear this deafening noise and the crashes that was flattening my room. So they had to all be fighting wolves, too, right?

I forced the bile down my throat again, the release of adrenaline forcing me to tremble violently. I was surprised that I could even think coherently at this point; I shouldn't be able to. But I was. And a particularly loud scream from somewhere outside the house brought my cringing shoulders up near my ears as I tried to avoid hearing frightening sounds as the Cullens fought for me.

My concern right now was definitely much more focused on the Cullens than on myself. After all, I was merely human. Mortal. Disposable. There were plenty more humans where I came from, right? But the Cullens were vampires, rare and beautiful and special. And virtually indestructible...but the wolves seem almost as strong as the Cullens and well-able to destroy them.

I wasn't sure how much time had passed since the Jacob-wolf burst through my room, but not one member of the Cullen family had arrived yet to assist Esme. The sound of ripping metal outside the house was punctuated by an excruciating scream, and I felt an excruciating sob rise in my throat.

But I did not have the luxury of tears right now. Too much was at stake.

My life was at stake.

And the lives of the Cullens, too-

My scattered thoughts were interrupted by yet another deafening crash, but this sound was different than the previous noise. There was a thud of finality that startled me, and I looked up to see what had happened.

Esme was gone.

She was nowhere in sight.

And that realization terrified me...especially since I was now facing a snarling wolf the size of a huge horse.

As the animal limped toward me, I realized proudly that Esme must have injured it somewhat. But its ears were alert and erect, its long white teeth bared, its fur bristled along its massive shoulders and back. Curved black claws disappeared into the now-frayed carpet as the towering creature approached me, a low growl reverberating from its wide chest.

I was frozen in place in the corner of my room, curled into a ball of trembling fear. Again in the distance I could hear crashes, snarls, and yells; the other Cullens were still fighting. I could not have escaped if I wanted to; I was hopelessly cornered. Tears of sheer panic filled my eyes, plus my injuries from Jacob's first attack still immobilized me.

_Jacob's first attack._

I had run away from him that first time...when Jacob had unaccountably beaten and kicked and thrashed me.

All for no apparent reason.

I still could see no reason for this attack.

_ Why was Jacob doing this to me?_

As I faced down the beast, his hackles raised, his razor-sharp teeth almost close enough for me to touch, I felt anger course through me, the fear fading quickly.

And my anger gave me strength; my panic-induced tears became tears of determined anger. I always hated that I cried when I was angry, but now my tears, which I usually despised, empowered me.

Somehow I pushed my trembling hands against the floor and pulled myself up to a standing position. I now stood unsteadily on my feet for the first time since that night on the beach, supporting myself with one hand thrown against the flowered wallpaper, the other arm wrapped protectively around my injured ribs.

I now was looking the russet wolf straight in the eye, and I felt no fear.

In fact, I was completely and utterly _pissed_.

"Haven't you done enough damage, Jacob Black?" I asked, my voice clear and strong. "You and your father," I spat the word, for Billy Black did not deserve to be called by that title, "made my life hell and I did nothing, NOTHING to deserve it! You kept me locked in that hell-hole of a room 24/7, and then, even when _you_ could have helped me, you never did beyond a little food, maybe a book now and then. You could have saved me, but you never did. Then you joined him...you fucking JOINED him and abused me even worse than he did!

"You and Billy are both _pathetic_! How does hurting a little girl make you more like a man, huh? You aren't men...not real men!"

I saw surprise pass quickly through his eyes, and I laughed derisively, ignoring the pulling sensation in my re-injured ribs.

"Obviously, you're NOT a man; you're a beast. Kind of ironic, isn't it? You and Billy are less than men...in every fucking way."

I saw the anger beginning to build in the huge eyes trained on me, but I ignored it. Yelling at Jacob was healing, cathartic.

It felt damn good to get all anger OUT of me.

"I blamed myself for years. For years, Jacob! I blamed myself for my mother's death, for my father's death, and for YOUR mother's death! I believed all the bullshit Billy told me, how it was all MY fault that your mom died, MY fault that Billy was crippled, MY fault that he became a fucking animal.

"But I guess I'm not to blame for the beasts both of you are! You can't blame me for some freaky supernatural transformation. That's all on YOU TWO!"

I took a deep breath and hissed the final words, leaning fearlessly and triumphantly toward the apparently stunned wolf whose eyes were darkening with building anger.

"So do your worst, Jacob Black, you animal! At least your appearance finally matches the monster within!"

I had to stop, gasping, winded by my tirade.

But I smiled grimly at the wolf.

I had finally had my say while accomplishing my goal: I had hoped that one of the Cullens would have appeared to help me while I distracted the beast.

But no one appeared, not even Esme.

Were they dead?

Had the wolves somehow killed them?

As I stared into the angry, dark eyes of the wolf, I saw a flash of uncertainty...as if what I had said made a bizarre kind of sense.

However, I think it was my smile that pushed Jacob over the edge. I watched his eyes focus on me, a thin, emaciated girl who could hardly stand but who had just verbally ripped him to pieces and then had the gall to smile in her weak triumph.

Jacob's russet his fur bristled again, and I saw the change, the humanity fading from his brown eyes, the animal taking over. He tensed, preparing to spring. No trace of the Jacob I had known remained in his wild eyes, and a growl rumbled deeply in his broad chest.

I didn't even have the common sense to close my eyes; I watched death approach me as if every movement was in slow motion...

And then the huge wolf lunged at me.

Automatically I threw my arms up to protect my face, but immediately I felt a ripping sensation in my arms, and I screamed in agony. I felt myself flying through the air before my body hit the wall, the wind was knocked out of me. My lower back felt like it exploded, then I tumbled to the floor like a rag doll, stunned and still.

I opened my eyes in time to see the russet wolf stalking toward me, his muzzle leering as he seemed intent on the most lethal attack strategy.

He moved so quickly that I didn't see him leap, my head striking the wall with stunning force, and I gasped as excruciating pain shot through my side, the previously-injured ribs shattering again.

I couldn't see anything but narrowing blackness; I must have been starting to lose consciousness. But I wasn't so far gone that I didn't feel the lethal teeth tearing into my shoulder and the side of my neck.

I screamed, but all I could manage was a bloody gurgle, then everything went blessedly black.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

I felt as though I were underwater, the excruciating pain submerging my body. At least the lower half of my body was blessedly numb. I had no strength to move at all, but I could almost focus my mind enough to hear the murmurings of urgent voices speaking above me, muffled by the water.

"Edward, put pressure on that head wound; I can't have her losing any more blood," Carlisle ordered tersely.

"What else can I do?" Edward's voice was high-pitched, panicked.

"Damn, she has severe internal injuries; I'm pretty sure that at least one rib perforated her lungs."

"Pneumothorax?" Edward whispered.

"Yes. She needs surgery. Now."

"Oh, god, Carlisle—all that blood!" Rosalie's usually haughty voice was a concerned whisper.

"Rosalie, Alice, get them out of here! Now!" Carlisle's voice was panicked now.

A shuffling took place somewhere.

"How's Emmett doing?" Carlisle asked.

"Jasper's taking care of him. Carlisle, I can't stay...I wish I could..." Esme's voice was soft but tortured.

"Go then. We need to protect Isabella from any chance of our losing control," Carlisle's answer was low and rushed.

The pain continued building, my lungs burning as I gasped for air, the rest of my upper body throbbing with pain.

"Is there any hope?" Edward whispered, agonized.

"I don't know...I think that she may be paralyzed. The injury to her spine is very serious. That may be a blessing right now—at least she can't feel some of her injuries," Carlisle answered.

"Oh god," Edward gasped, then he pleaded, "What else can I do?"

"Pray," Carlisle answered, his voice breaking.

I felt myself choking on hot liquid in my throat; I couldn't breathe. The blackness descended again, bearing me away on waves of pain, and the beloved voices disappeared as I sank further below the surface of consciousness...

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

I don't know if it was mere seconds or several hours later when I became aware of urgent voices, then a loud gasp.

A voice that I remembered as calm and professional was now an agonized cry: "We're losing her!"

Hands pushed repeatedly against my chest, and icy air was forced into my lungs. But somehow I felt peaceful, as if I were floating above my body.

Up, up, I went, lighter than the surrounding air, and then I looked down on the sad scene below me.

In the ruins of a room, a girl's thin body lay, her legs at odd angles. Blood was everywhere, pooling under her body, matting her dark hair with its wetness, staining her pale skin.

Two men worked over her, one blonde, the other auburn-haired. I could only see the tops of their heads as I looked down.

The blonde man was stitching a wound in the girl's neck while the red-haired man pushed on her chest, then breathed into her mouth before resuming compressions on her chest.

That poor girl! She looked as if she were dead...or nearly so.

I felt so sorry for her.

And my heart went out to the two men working feverishly over her.

They must love her so much...

"Do something!" The beautiful voice was rough with fear as he begged, "Please, Carlisle! Please!" Then he continued in a low, broken whisper, "I love her. I can't live without her."

I wanted to reach out and touch the auburn-haired man's beautiful face. His expression was agonized as he looked up, seeming to pray, but for some reason he wasn't able to see me.

"God, please, help us!" the beautiful man prayed before lowering his head and breathing into the girl's mouth again. Then he continued pressing her chest in a quick rhythm, five compressions to every one breath.

Somehow his actions seemed familiar, as if I had seen them before.

The blonde man raised his head, then whispered urgently, "You know what you need to do, Edward. You need to do it now!"

"Carlisle, I can't! You know I can't! I don't have your control. I'll kill her!"

"I've got to stop this bleeding, Edward. You have to do it, Son. Now."

There was a moment of silence, then the auburn man leaned over and sunk his teeth into the opposite side of the girl's throat from where the blonde man was stitching.

I gasped at the excruciating flash of burning pain in the side of my neck.

I tried to scream, but I couldn't. The shooting agony froze me in place, stifling and silencing me.

I felt myself hovering lower and lower,coming closer and closer to the girl's body which seemed slightly familiar to me.

Was she someone I had seen before?

Before the answer came to me, I floated no more.

His teeth blazed into my wrists, the pain flaming, burning, but I couldn't move. I couldn't call out.

As if from a distance, I heard his agonized whispers, "I'm so sorry, Isabella, so sorry. I love you. I love you so much. I'm sorry, my love..."

Then the burning pain consumed me, and I could hear nothing. The flames were everywhere above my waist, licking at me, enfolding me.

The burning went on and on, as did my silent screams for help.

But no one could hear me.

No one could save me.

The flames consumed me.

And there was no escape...

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Slowly, through the flickering flames that must be turning my body to brittle ashes, I began to hear sound again, as if someone were incrementally turning up the volume of a radio or television.

The low murmurings became voices, and finally the voices became clear enough for me to hear individual words.

"Carlisle, are you sure she is all right? She's so still and quiet. It isn't normal." I recognized that worried velvet voice, but I couldn't place the name of whom it belonged to. But the sound of the man's voice brought a painless warmth to my chest, the only painless action that had happened over the past hours, days, months, years, millennia...

"Everything is proceeding as usual, Edward. Listen to her heart; besides her lack of consciousness, this is a textbook change." I knew this voice too, somehow; it was calming. Safe.

The worried voice..._Edward_. I liked the sound of his voice; it was quiet, soothing, even in its obvious concern.

"Edward, everything will be fine; I've seen it," stated a confident voice, high-pitched and female. "But please, please, please let me change her into this outfit? She'll look so lovely in blue..." The lilting voice increased in volume with excitement.

"No! Leave her be, Alice! Don't touch her; you could make her suffer even more," the Edward-voice growled.

"Edward, we do need to bathe her; she's still covered in blood and who-knows-what from that...creature," stated a soft, motherly voice.

I knew this voice, too. So loving, so...HOME.

"Son, let's allow Esme and Alice to clean and dress her," encouraged the calming voice. "We can step out for just a moment."

"No, I won't leave her," the Edward-voice was stubborn.

The female sounded irritated. "So you're going to stay and watch while I give Bella a sponge bath?"

I heard a gasp, then a wry laugh from the female as she stated, "I didn't think so."

"Alice," warned both the "safe" voice and the "home" voice together.

I heard the whisper of footsteps across carpeting and the gentle closing of a door.

The bathing process was excruciating; every touch increased the burning pain. Water should be putting out the fire, right? But it was making it so much worse. The deadness below my waist was no more; I felt every painful touch on my legs, my ankles, my feet.

"Esme, no, the blue dress! She'll look fabulous," stated the victorious high-pitched voice.

A voice spoke through the closed door, the Southern drawl was marked, "Alice, hon, Edward says to use the clothes Esme brought in; he's worried about Bella being uncomfortable."

_Who is this Bella person? Is she someone I know?_

Muttering under her breath, the high-pitched voice complained about the soft clothing I felt being pulled over me. "He would choose knit pants and a blah top. That boy has no fashion sense, Esme."

"Edward is worried about her comfort. You can dress Bella up later, Alice," sighed the soft female voice that reminded me of home.

I felt someone washing then drying my hair; the process should have been soothing, but everything hurt now, even the simple act of brushing my damp hair.

"I wish I had time to style her hair properly," grumbled the Alice-voice.

The door whispered open again, and the footsteps of two people approached. A hand clasped my wrist, apparently taking my pulse, and internally I cringed at the light but painful pressure, but the voice didn't indicate that he noticed my discomfort.

"Give me the brush, Alice," requested the worried, velvet voice. There was a pause in the brushing of my hair, then the motion was resumed even more gently, almost reverently. It didn't hurt now; it felt soothing, relaxing.

"She is so lovely," sighed the high-pitched voice...Alice, I think.

"She has _always_ been lovely," corrected the worried voice, annoyed.

"Look at those auburn highlights in her hair," continued Alice, as if the Edward-voice had not spoken.

"Yes, I see. She's the most beautiful woman in the world...and she always has been," he said softly, continuing to brush my hair with the utmost gentleness.

I tried to wonder about the beautiful woman whom they were talking about, but the pain was too much, and I lost the voices in the swirl of agony and time.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

After a long silence, the brushing stopped, and low conversation started again.

"How is Emmett doing?" asked the Edward-voice.

"He is healing nicely; it's taking a bit longer than I had hoped, but he should be as good as new shortly," assured the other man, the "safe" voice that seemed very familiar.

"And Esme is fine, Carlisle?"

_That was his name. Carlisle._

"Yes, she's perfectly restored now."

"I wasn't expecting so many of them," murmured Edward. "I thought perhaps eight; I was not ready for twelve—nearly two apiece for each of us."

"Their strategy was brilliant; Jacob must not have let Sam know the plan. With Sam in his human form, Jacob was able to rally the rest of the wolves to attack when we were not expecting it," Carlisle stated sadly.

I wondered who these other people were: Emmett, Esme, Sam, Jacob..._Jacob._ I flinched internally; I didn't like that last name.

"I missed it completely," Edward said ruefully. "Jacob thought of other things while within my range; I had no idea he was planning an all-out offensive until he called the other wolves to action. And then we were all fighting multiple wolves while Jacob went after Bella." I detected anger simmered below the surface of his words.

Carlisle picked up on Edward's feelings. "Esme did well in holding Jacob off for as long as she did alone," he said, pride lacing his voice.

"She saved Isabella's life...or at least made saving her possible," Edward agreed.

_Who was this Isabella? I don't think I know her..._

Edward's voice continued, "I wonder what her reaction will be. Do you think she'll hate me? Be angry? I never had the chance to ask her what she wanted."

"I don't know," replied Carlisle thoughtfully. "Isabella always surprises me."

I heard a wry chuckle. "Indeed," Edward agreed dryly. But he still sounded worried.

As they spoke, I noticed the pain beginning to recede, first leaving my fingers and toes, then cooling in my arms and legs. My heart began beating painfully, and as the flames focusing their power in my chest, I stifled a cry of agony.

"Carlisle?" Edward's voice was worried again, rising in near-panic.

"It's almost over," Carlisle answered quietly.

_**So I hope that you enjoyed this chapter. I was going to stop it right when Jacob attacked, but I couldn't leave you with another cruel cliffhanger. So I pushed on, writing more than I had planned (yay – 4,000+ words) and thus taking an extra day to post.**_

_**Thanks so much for your kind support; I truly enjoyed all of your lovely reviews and comments! Your encouragement means everything* to me! Thank you! :)**_

_**BTW, I just started working on a new EPOV one-shot tentatively titled "Resurrected." A teaser is up on my blog at cassandra lowery . blogspot . com (remove spaces when you paste it into your browser). **_

_**The next chapter of PbF should be up this weekend. Have a wonderful week, and see you then!**_

_**Many thanks,**_

_**Cassandra :)**_


	41. Chapter 39

**Chapter 39**

_**IMPORTANT A/N: The two chapters I posted over the last two weeks can be found under "Pinned but Fluttering Outtakes" (Chapters 5 & 6 in the outtakes parallel Chapters 37 & 38 of PbF) and offer further explanation of what happened outside of Bella's knowledge during the vampire/wolf battle. **_

_**I suggest putting the "Pinned but Fluttering Outtakes" on alert because I have written different POVs of certain chapters at times, and you'll be much more up-to-speed with the overall story line if you've read the outtakes. Thanks! :)**_

_**Back to Bella's POV now...**_

_**From Chapter 38, as Bella nears the end of her transformation:**_

"It's almost over," Carlisle answered quietly.

**Chapter 39**

I heard a faint gasp very near me, and I felt the hand holding mine tighten for a sixteenth of a second. _Who was holding my hand? _I was afraid to take a chance looking; if I allowed one movement, I would lose the perfect control I had assumed during this raging fire within me.

During these last moments of semi-awareness, I had sussed out some of the voices around me.

Carlisle, whose quiet voice made me feel safe and sheltered. I couldn't help but feel reassured by his words and calming tone. I could trust this voice...always.

Alice, whose high-pitched bossiness was annoying, but I couldn't help recognizing that beneath her princess-attitude, she cared for those around her...me included.

Esme, whose soothing musical tones almost brought me to tears. I didn't remember her, but somehow I _knew_ her...and that I was dear to her. There was something special between us that I haven't been able to piece together yet...

And Edward. His voice called to me even more strongly than the rest. He seemed so on edge, so anxious. The other voices reassured him continually, but he never seemed to calm down. Yet despite his edginess, his voice calmed me, making me feel like I was _home_. Like I belonged_...to him. _I think he must be the one holding my hand. But why? Not that I didn't like it; in fact, I enjoyed his gentle touch very much. But I didn't understand what was behind it.

Every time my mind rose above the searing pain to semi-coherency, Edward's voice and touch were there. And despite not understanding this frightening, agonizing burning-alive I was experiencing, I relied on Edward's voice to keep me tethered to...me.

During the eternity I burned, a few other names and voices wandered in and out of my semi-aware state: Isabella. Jasper. Emmett. Rosalie. Bella. Sam. Jacob.

_Jacob_.

I felt a searing anger toward that name. I didn't know why, but every time I heard that name discussed in low voices around me, I wanted to tear, to rip, to utterly destroy.

But the other names were only that: names. I had no idea to whom they belonged; they were only murmurs of conversation that swirled in and out of my awareness through the fiery agony that bound me, utterly helpless and still.

Yes, I could have screamed and thrashed and fought the blistering internal flames, but somehow I knew that it wouldn't help, that in doing so, I would injure others.

And I couldn't do that. My own suffering was bad enough; I felt no need to drag anyone else down into the pits of hell with me.

But ever so slowly, the pain was receding from my limbs, and I welcomed the momentary relief...that is, until all the heat and agony gathered in one place: in my heart. It was beating so fast, too fast, every thrum an exploding taser of anguish. I wanted it to stop, but with every second it raced further out of control, each beat elongating into the next until only the barest pause came between them.

The pain shot to its apex. There was no way it could actually hurt even more, could it?

_Yes. _

_ It could. _

_ And it did. _

While the pain from every other part of my body was dissipating, bringing a welcome coolness in its place, the burning agony focused in this one organ as it thrummed with life. The beats quickened yet again until the crescendo of beats became one long, seemingly unending beat, the searing agony forcing my chest to rise, my back no longer touching whatever surface I was lying on.

I heard gasps around me as I moved at last.

As the one torturing beat faded, my body returned to its original position, motionless once again.

Then, three seconds later came another beat, not as painful as the last; I was able to force my body to remain still this time.

Five seconds later, another...less painful again; I could almost breathe easy during this one.

Seventeen seconds later...the final beat, almost muted. And the last vestige of the searing agony, too dreadful to express in mere words, left me.

Except for a dry, parched feeling in my throat.

I really needed some water...

I could hear the gentle breathing of six people around me at a bit of a distance, and the harsher breathing of the one who had held my hand throughout the fiery pain.

For a moment, I let myself glory in the absence of heat and agony, welcoming the coolness that settled throughout me. It was blissful, this coolness. I loved it. I wanted to remain in this delightful coolness forever.

Then I felt the hand around mine tighten again, and I realized that I didn't really know who these people in this room with me were. I knew names and voices, but who were they, really? One of them had possession of my hand already. Even though I didn't feel especially threatened by the one holding my hand, the unfamiliarity of the situation dawned on me.

_I was surrounded._

_ And I did not like it._

Before I realized that I had moved, I was crouched in a corner of a small, windowless room, the "v" of the walls behind me protecting my back. In front of me stood a stunningly beautiful young man with wild auburn hair, his black eyes wide and his face stunned. Behind him, lining the opposite walls of the room and blocking the doorway, were six more beings, all eyes watching me with various degrees of wariness.

They were strangely, inhumanly beautiful. With utterly pale skin that looked marble-like in texture, bright red lips, tawny eyes, and perfect forms, they all possessed the dimensions and attributes of humanity.

But I recognized immediately that they were not human.

Not at all.

I heard my own gasp at that realization, then another as I gathered how quickly my mind was processing all that was in front of me. I also noticed how clear my eyesight was, how acute my hearing, even how intense was my sense of touch as my fingertips brushed the softness of the simple knit pants I wore.

My first question wasn't "_Who was I?" but rather "What was I?"_

_ And, just as important, what were they? _

I opened my mouth to speak, and all of them unconsciously leaned toward me as if eager to hear what I was about to say. The beautiful young "man" (for lack of a better word for the one who appeared to be the youngest of the group) who stood closest to me next to the metal table-top that I must have been lying on during the burning agony, began to take an almost unconscious step toward me.

I hissed at him defensively, and he stopped, his eyes widening again. I was rather shocked at myself for hissing. _Hissing,_ of all things?

_Things were getting weirder and weirder..._

But I had not missed the look of hurt that crossed his face when I made that strange, instinctively defensive sound, and for a moment, sympathy for him surged through me.

But then I remembered two things:

_I was surrounded._

_ I was outnumbered._

Ignoring the persistent and burning dryness in my throat, I deepened my crouch, ready to defend myself should they attack.

"Jasper?" the youngest man whispered, his voice low and pained.

"I can't read her," a tall man with longish blonde hair replied.

"Alice?" the youngest man asked, his voice practically vibrating with something akin to...fear?

"I can't see her," the smallest woman answered, apparently frustrated. But I recognized the voice: she was the bossy one. I stifled a grin at the memories of her high-pitched voice ordering everyone around, but now was not the time to start bonding. Not until I determined how much danger I was in.

"I..." she paused, with a pleading glance at the youngest one. "I haven't been able to see her since the battle started," she admitted in a low voice, as if confessing a major crime.

I was confused by their words—were they supposed to "read me"? How? And was the smallest one blind? She seemed to be looking at people normally, though.

I was confused.

While I processed their words, I could hear the beautiful young man grinding his teeth in frustration as he glared back at the little dark-haired girl.

"Edward..." warned the long-haired blonde man, putting his arm around the short girl's shoulders as if to comfort her.

_Ahhhh. So this was Edward... _I should have been able to recognize him just from his voice, from the aeons he spent with me during the eternity of flames...

But Edward was livid. And in his anger he was even more beautiful.

He was utter perfection.

"You've been concealing this from me?" growled Edward, running a hand through his wild coppery hair.

Then I remembered that voice. That "home" voice. That anxious voice that made me feel safe and...beloved?

_What was I to this auburn-haired "man"? _

Edward's eyes turned back to me, so dark and hungry-looking, very different from the six who stood behind him.

This interchange only took three seconds...although time seemed to be quite a very flexible force now.

_As if I didn't have enough to worry about..._

The other blonde-haired man stepped forward. He looked slightly older than the rest, perhaps in his mid-twenties. But it wasn't his appearance that made him look older; it was the compassion in his eyes and the serious expression on his face. Responsibility. This one shouldered the responsibility of the others. He was the leader.

"Isabella," he said soothingly.

I looked at him, panicked.

Who was Isabella?

_Was that...me?_

I placed my hand over my now-silent heart as questions filled my mind, bubbling through my lips.

I addressed the leader.

"I'm Isabella?" I asked in a whisper, then I nearly lost it. That wasn't my voice! My voice wasn't musical at all! But this voice was low and sweet and _so not mine_.

Unfortunately, just whispering softly caused the painful dryness in my throat to flame forth; I felt like a medieval dragon or something, ready to breathe fire over a small village. My hand seemed to rise of its own accord to cup my seared throat, and I couldn't help noticing how smooth and hard my skin was. Marble-like. Like theirs...

I felt eyes upon me. Looking up, I saw the one called Jasper scrutinizing me and shaking his head in apparent disbelief. "I don't know how she's doing it," he murmured to the others. "She obviously needs to hunt, but...wow," he finished in an awed whisper.

What was that about "hunting"? Was something lost? And why was he looking at me like that?

I quirked my eyebrow, annoyed at Jasper speaking about me as if I were not able to hear them, and he shot me an apologetic glance.

I nodded in acknowledgment, and his eyes widened. He looked absolutely gobsmacked, and if I weren't in this serious situation, I probably would have laughed; as it was, I couldn't resist a smirk in his direction, causing little Alice to giggle.

When the leader spoke again, I refocused my attention as he answered my question. "Yes," he said, nodding and smiling, but a tight expression lurked behind his friendliness.

But his beautiful smile disarmed me, and I straightened a little from my crouch, mostly because his voice made me feel safe and protected. I somehow knew that I could talk to him, ask him anything, and he would only tell me the truth...every time.

"Who are you all?" I asked, my new voice trembling. Edward glanced at the leader, and I couldn't miss the panic in his eyes. Jasper shot Edward a significant look, and I was glad to see the fear in his dark eyes fade a little.

Still, they seemed to be communicating without words, and that annoyed me a little.

Okay, more than a little annoyed...

"I'm Carlisle," the leader with the kind eyes answered, interrupting my thoughts and bringing my obviously distractable attention back to himself. His smile was warm, but his eyes were worried, too. I remembered Carlisle's voice from my burning time; I think that he was present with me almost as much as Edward had been.

Pulling me from my uncomfortable memories of the searing pain, Carlisle gestured behind him to a lovely woman with caramel hair and exquisite, warm eyes. "This is Esme, my wife." Esme looked as if she were holding herself sternly in check to keep herself from hugging me; her eyes looked at me with longing...as if she missed me.

I gave Esme my first hint of a smile. It was nice to match the voices I had heard during the agonizing flames with the people around me, and I remember Esme's motherly care of me. Esme's face warmed at my expression, and she smiled beautifully at me.

"This," Carlisle indicated the long-haired blonde man, "is Jasper and his wife, Alice." Jasper nodded, his eyes alert and tight with concern; he seemed to be measuring my every movement, my every facial expression as if he were expecting me to do something truly dreadful without warning.

He made me extremely nervous, so I tried to ignore him.

The complete opposite of her husband, Alice was practically vibrating with excitement as my eyes turned to her, and recalling her bossiness while I burned, I tried to step back, but the walls behind me prevented my escape.

A scary mountain of a man standing next to Alice snickered in amusement at my attempt to flee pixie-like Alice, a grin spreading across his handsome face. "This is Emmett," Carlisle introduced, then gestured to the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. Her long blonde hair swirled nearly to her waist, and her features were absolutely, heartbreakingly perfect, if somewhat cool and stand-offish. "And his wife, Rosalie."

These two were the least familiar of the voices and names from my burning time. Emmett waved enthusiastically while Rosalie nodded, her arms folded, her eyes uncertain.

Carlisle nodded then toward the youngest, the auburn-haired young man whom Jasper had called _Edward_. What a lovely name..._Edward_. I felt a strange warmth around my silent heart at the thought of his name. "And this is Edward," Carlisle concluded.

I let my eyes focus on Edward again, and his black eyes, so different from the tawny ones of the rest of the group, were filled with deep anxiety and fear.

_Why was he afraid of me? _

Although I couldn't explain it, his obvious emotions troubled me deeply. I straightened fully out of my crouch in my concern for him; the fear and pain in his dark eyes were oddly troubling to me. 

"What's wrong?" I asked Edward, taking a small step toward him.

He shook his head and tried to smile weakly; however, his attempt was an epic fail.

My eyes remained focused on his, and he continued to gaze into mine. It was as if time had come to a full and complete stop. In this moment, nothing else mattered except for this strange and wonderful energy that somehow connected Edward and me.

Carlisle cleared his voice gently, and Edward and I broke eye contact as I turned my distracted attention back to Carlisle. My mind seemed to go everywhere at once; it was a strange sensation.

I ignored Emmett's smothered snicker as Carlisle regained my and Edward's focus, especially after Rosalie elbowed him and he muttered in pain.

"Do you not remember anything, Isabella?" Carlisle asked, his eyes anxious but kind.

"Remember what?" I asked, confused.

"Do you remember anything before your transformation?" he queried.

I frowned. "Do you mean before the fire?" I clarified.

He nodded.

My frown deepened as I searched my mind...which seemed a great deal faster and more roomy than it was before. But before _what_?

"I have a feeling that I've changed. That I'm different now than I was before," I stated tentatively.

Carlisle nodded in encouragement, so I continued.

"I heard some of you now and then during the burning, and I recognize your voices a little," I said slowly, my eyes turning back to Edward's black ones, surprising a look of hopelessness in their dark depths as he swallowed convulsively and attempted another smile.

Sympathy bloomed within me again. I felt so, so sorry for Edward. He was obviously suffering, and I wanted nothing more than to wrap him in my arms and comfort him a little, anything to rid him of this pained cheerfulness he has trying (and failing) to hide behind.

"But nothing else before the 'fire'?" Carlisle persisted.

I tried to remember again, then shook my head in the negative. "Nothing clear."

Carlisle smiled at me, but he looked nearly as pained as Edward.

But I had more questions bubbling over for them.

"So, what are you? What am I? How am I still alive without my heart beating? Why am I here? Which-"

With a smile, Carlisle raised his hand to stop my barrage of questions, and I halted the tumble of words...with difficulty.

"You are very controlled, Isabella," he remarked. "Much more so than I've ever seen in a newborn." I noticed that Jasper nodded emphatically in agreement.

"Newborn?" I asked, my voice rising. "A newborn _what_?" My voice had risen on the last word, and they all exchanged nervous glances.

Carlisle gave Jasper a subtle nod, then looked puzzled when Jasper shook his head. Carlisle then looked at me, suggesting quietly, "Why don't we adjourn to the living room and discuss the details?"

Carlisle took another step toward me, reaching a hand out with a calm smile.

Feeling a little trepidation that my back would not be protected, I swallowed once, then stepped forward, accepting his outstretched hand in my own. His hand was not warm and not cold; it felt smooth and marble-like, just like mine.

Following the others, Carlisle led me down a flight of stairs into a light, airy room with one wall consisting completely of a huge glass window. The transparent wall looked out on a gorgeous cacophony of green: a smooth lawn sloping down to a river, gray-green in the clouded light beyond which rose evergreen trees, large, spreading cedars, and ancient oaks.

But it was nearly dark, twilight in fact, as was indicated by the faint glow in the western clouds. So how was I able to see in such detail despite the dim light of dusk?

The six people (or whatever they were) ahead of Carlisle and me seated themselves gracefully in the white chairs and sofas scattered around the room. Carlisle led me to a vacant sofa and seated himself beside me. Esme stopped to switch on a few lamps around the room, but I found that the dim twilight impeded my new and improved vision very little.

After Esme seated herself on the other side of Carlisle, all eyes focused upon me as if they expected me to go on a killing spree without warning or something equally dreadful and appalling. Jasper and Emmett were tense and appeared prepared to leap from their seats to protect the rest of the family from deadly danger or something.

Was _I_ the danger they seemed to fear?

The idea seemed utterly ridiculous.

Leaning forward with his elbows on his knees and his hands folded thoughtfully beneath his chin, Edward watched me closely from the opposite sofa with a sad, faraway glimmer in his eyes; however, each time I glanced his way, he directed his gaze down at the floor instead. Alice was again vibrating with excitement while Esme seemed concerned and Rosalie detached, although she was watching me from beneath her long lashes just as carefully as the guys were.

Carlisle took my hand as if to reassure me as he began speaking.

"Isabella, you are like us now. We, and now you, are vampires."

I looked at him, my eyes practically bugging out of my head. "Vampires?" I asked, choking on a laugh which ended up as a very unrefined snort. I swallowed my mirth and continued with a grin, "You've got to be joking."

Carlisle smiled but his eyes were utterly serious as he replied, "No, Isabella." He sighed, then continued, "I wish I were."

With a gasp, I jumped to my feet in shock, and all seven of them shot to their feet also, eyes alarmed at my sudden movement. But as I began to pace back and forth in front of Carlisle, they reseated themselves, remaining vigilant as they monitored my movements carefully. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that Edward couldn't sit still like the other ones; he was constantly shifting position with a nervousness that put me further on edge.

Then I noticed how fast I was moving. And I mean _FAST_. All of the objects and people around me should have been a blur at my speed, but I could see everything. And I mean _everything_. I could count the number of dust motes floating through the diffused lamplight. I could see every thread in the pale linen curtains, every dimple in the white leather furniture, every irregularity in the glass-topped side tables, every grimace on Edward's face...

Abruptly I stopped pacing to rub my eyes. "How can I see this stuff?" I asked, bewildered. "How can I move this quickly? How can I think this fast and about so many things at once?" I asked rhetorically, lowering my hands from my face and clasping them to either side of my head in confusion.

No one answered; they just watched me grapple with the idea of...vampires.

_"How can this be?"_ I continued in a whisper, half in shock, half in wonder.

Then Carlisle was at my side; as he came toward me, I noted every flex of muscle, every movement of his clothing. He ducked his head a little so that he could see my face clearly. "It's all part of who we are, Isabella," he responded, all sympathy and compassion.

I was forced to acknowledge the truth shining in his kind eyes. Overwhelmed, I walked away from the group slowly so that I wouldn't alarm them and stood, arms folded across my chest, staring out the window-wall. My new eyes took in every detail of the beauty of nature spread out before me: every needle in the nearest spruce, the number of acorns underneath a primordial oak, the squirrel perched in the towering cedar a mile to the south. As I watched an owl slice the charcoal-gray skies five miles to the southeast, I acknowledged the truth of Carlisle's explanation.

These "people" were vampires.

And so was I.

_**There we are, with Bella as a vampire. We'll see how it goes from here for her. She may not remember her human life now, but her connection with Edward remains intact. And we know that's the important thing, right? **_

_**Thanks for reading and reviewing; I was only able to answer some of the reviews for the two PbF Outtakes, but I read and saved every review. Thank you! :D **_

_**And you know how much I'd love to hear from you this time, too, right? ;)**_

**_Also, I wrote a blog post a couple of days ago comparing _Jane Eyre_ and _Twilight _(Edward vs. Edward, you know); if you're interested, you may find it at CassandraLowery . blogspot. com _**

_**I'll "see" you all next Sunday (give or take), so have a GREAT week! Love to you all! **_

_**xxxooo,**_

_**Cassandra :) **_


	42. Chapter 40

**Chapter 40**

_ Okay, _I tried to calm myself. _I am a vampire. This is so freaking weird, though...unbelievable! _It was nearly impossible to wrap my mind around the concept of what I had become.

And it was so strange that I knew what a vampire was, that I knew so much about everyday things: the names of objects, the definition of "vampire," the best words to express how I felt, but I somehow didn't know these seven "people" who apparently knew me so well and loved me like a member of their family.

Although I hadn't known my name, I recognized it immediately once they informed me. If they had tried to call me by another name, I would have immediately known it wasn't right.

And I knew _me_. I realized who I was at my core: my values, my likes and dislikes, my personality.

So I was only blocking my human life. My past.

_But why? What had happened to me that would make me block out this family who obviously cared for me? And what caused me to block out what appears to be my entire human past? _

Slowly I turned toward Carlisle. While his facial expression was a mask of calm, his eyes were troubled.

_There was a lot of stuff going on here. And I had a lot of questions. A heck of a lot of questions..._

"Carlisle? How did I become a vampire?" I asked, the first of the many questions darting in and out of my new and roomy mind.

Carlisle's eyes tightened, his jaw flexing. This question was obviously not welcome. He smiled at me, but there was something hidden that lurked beneath his smile that made me anxious.

"How about we take you hunting first, and then once you're not as thirsty, we can talk about what happened," he offered quietly... and with hope.

Of its own volition, my hand moved to my burning throat again. Yes, it was searing, this dryness, this parched feeling...and it became more painful with each passing moment.

But the need to know what had happened to me was somehow even more agonizing at the moment.

"No, I'd rather talk first," I stated stubbornly.

"Bella, that's really not a good idea," Alice interjected.

I spun to face her. "And why not?" I growled, quirking my brow in annoyance.

Alice sighed. "Because you'll be in much better control if we hunt first," she explained quietly, but with the air of someone explaining two-plus-two to a toddler. "You'll be more reasonable and better able to cope with everything that's happened."

My eyebrows rushed together in annoyance. "I don't care about being reasonable and controlled and coping. I can tell that you all are hiding something—or a lot of somethings—from me, and I deserve to know. I deserve the truth!" My voice had started out slow and determined, but by the end, it had risen to a strangely musical screech.

"No one is saying anything different, Bella," soothed Esme. "It's just a matter of prioritizing your needs. You'll be able to concentrate better on all that we have to tell you if you aren't thirsty. That's all, dear."

_Okay, that makes sense_, I grudgingly admitted to myself, taking a few deep breaths to calm myself.

I saw Carlisle and Esme shoot Jasper a curious look. "I don't know how she's doing it," Jasper shrugged, his eyes on me as he spoke. "In all my experience, I've never seen a newborn show this level of control."

"I'm not controlled, believe me," I admitted, frowning; I certainly didn't deserve his praise or their admiration. "I feel as though I'm being pulled in eighteen different directions at once. Believe me, this is so _not_ controlled."

Everyone backed off when they saw I was getting upset again. So I took a few more deep breaths, trying to center my unstable feelings and locate the elusive calm I sought.

Then another couple of questions popped into my head, and I turned to Esme. "Why do you and Alice call me 'Bella' while they," I indicated Carlisle and Edward, "call me 'Isabella?'"

"Carlisle knew you when you were a young girl," Esme answered, "and was in the habit of calling you by your full name...which Edward apparently picked up. But everyone else calls you 'Bella.'"

Of course, her statement raised about twelve more questions. But the burning in my throat was intensifying, and I recognized that they had been right: I needed to drink whatever would help put out the fire in my throat.

I swallowed hard, causing the flames to sear my throat even more violently. But I had to ask. "And when you all say 'hunt,' do you mean that you hunt..."

I couldn't say it.

I couldn't say it, and I wouldn't do it.

_ It was revolting. _

_ Horrible. _

How could I possibly commit murder, just to extinguish the forest fire in my throat?

_I would not kill a sentient human being just to slake my thirst, _I resolved stubbornly.

My hands fisted at my sides, I shut my eyes tightly as I sought control a third time, slowly shaking my head from side to side as I tried to ignore the insistent flames searing my throat.

I felt hands taking my fists, and I relaxed at the gentle touch, opening my eyes...which I knew were filled with confusion as the battle raged within me, the battle between need and ethics...to see Carlisle standing before me. But the battle continued still: _Apparently I needed blood. Yet I refused to kill a human to get what I needed._

_What could I do?_

_ How did these people, who seemed so loving and kind, murder human beings, people with families and friends and jobs and lives, for sustenance? _My mind continued to whirl as the battle between right and wrong, thirst and need, fought within me.

"Isabella, Isabella, it's all right," soothed Carlisle, his eyes warm yet worried, his comforting hands on mine.

But his attempt at calming me backfired. I threw his hands off me and glared at him, my anger and frustration rising so quickly to a crescendo of emotion.

"Of course it's NOT 'all right'!" I spat at him. "In fact, it's so opposite of 'all right' that I-"

"Stop it." Rosalie's cool voice interrupted the beginnings of my tirade. This was the first time she had spoken to me, and the terseness of her tone did indeed halt my fit of temper before I could really get going. I stared at her, but she ignored me, studying her perfect manicure with detachment.

"We don't kill humans, Bella," Esme stated softly, eying Rosalie with a silent warning. "We hunt and drink the blood of animals. Wild animals. Humans do the same, only they consume the meat while we consume the blood. In fact, some of us have never tasted human blood at all."

"_Some_ of you?" I asked bluntly. "Why not _all_ of you?"

Carlisle approached me again. "Some of us started our lives very differently. Some of us have 'slipped' and killed by accident. Others have elected to live differently for a while before returning to this way of life," he said quietly.

I took in this revelation for a moment. "We'll talk about all this after the hunt?" I asked.

Carlisle smiled. "Of course we will. We'll answer every question you have."

"And we'll talk about how _I _got this way?" I asked tersely.

His smile faded, but he looked me squarely in the eye and agreed, and I was satisfied. For now.

I thought for a moment. Animals. Drinking the blood of animals. While the thought grossed me out, I guess if it wasn't that different from humans hunting animals for sustenance, I could handle it.

I sighed and nodded my acquiescence.

"Let's all go, Carlisle encouraged, taking my hand and leading me through the room to the sliding glass door that led to a wide deck in back of the house. Rosalie, who had looked slightly annoyed at the suggestion, reluctantly followed the rest to the door, and, as one, we raced down the lawn, leaped over the wide river, and disappeared into the trees.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Several hours later, I returned with the Cullens, as they called themselves, exhilarated and burn-free. Despite downing the blood of a bull moose and a deer, a faint tight sensation remained in the back of my throat, but it was nothing compared to the searing pain of earlier.

Once we arrived back at the house, I had to change as I had done a real number on my clothing. Standing on the back deck and frowning down at the rips and blood smears that ruined my knit pants and cashmere sweater, I felt ashamed. "I guess I could have done that more neatly," I grumbled.

"Really, Bella, you did great for a first time," Esme consoled me. Before she had finished speaking, Alice appeared in front of me, thrusting fresh clothing into my hands until she noticed that even my hands were blood-stained and dirty. She wrinkled her delicate nose, then said decidedly, "Shower first, then fresh clothing."

"But I don't want to enter the house and get everything all gory," I complained, contrasting my filthy self with their perfection after our hunting trip.

_I guess I'll get better with practice,_ I sighed to myself.

Emmett was in front of me then, bowing deeply. "At your service, milady," he smiled mischievously. Before I could fathom what he was up to, Emmett had scooped me, bridal-style, into his huge arms and absconded with me through the house and upstairs, halting at what seemed to be a door to a bathroom. Nudging open the door with his wide shoulder, he set me down on the tile floor. _At least it looked easy to clean,_ I thought.

"There," he said, pleased with himself. "No harm done." He winked, then disappeared down the hallway. I hadn't seen Alice behind him until he left, but she waltzed into the sizable bathroom and laid fresh clothing on the marble counter top.

"Have a good shower," she said cheerfully. "When you're done, come downstairs, and we'll chat."

"Okay," I shrugged. Alice smiled brilliantly at me, and I couldn't help but to return her smile. "Thanks, Alice."

She waved her hand unconcernedly as she exited the bathroom. "See you in a few, Bella," she called over her shoulder, shutting the door behind her.

Starting the shower, I quickly undressed and hopped in, eager to remove the blood and dirt. The Cullens were well-practiced in the art of hunting; not one of them tore their clothing, became blood-spattered, or ended up covered in forest dirt from wrestling a bull moose to the ground.

"Stupid, perfect vampires," I muttered beneath my breath, then laughed to myself at Emmett's guffaw from downstairs. Everyone could hear everything in this house...which could be either extremely helpful or a major source of embarrassment and/or annoyance.

As I washed my hair, I cringed a little, remembering my response to watching Edward hunt.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

I mean, all of the Cullens were inhumanly beautiful, and Carlisle had insisted that I watch one of them hunt first before trying it myself. Edward had bounded after a small herd of deer, easily plucking the weakest one from the bunch.

"We try to help keep the herds at their healthiest by thinning the least strong animals," Carlisle had explained to me as we watched Edward from a distance.

But I barely heard him. Edward was utterly beautiful and sensuous as he gripped the neck of the doe, breaking her spinal cord mercifully first, then baring his gleaming teeth as he sliced into her jugular.

With each swallow, I had become more agitated, both with keeping myself from not wrestling his hunt away from him and...I would only admit this to myself and then only barely...from not wrestling him away from his hunt to have him for myself.

With his full lips pressed to the doe's neck, his throat moving sensuously with each swallow, Edward Cullen was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen.

I barely noticed Carlisle quietly leaving us alone.

Then, mid-mouthful, his eyes, rapidly turning from black to dark gold, met mine, and he froze in place, a statue of finest marble. I don't know what my expression was like, but it seemed to mesmerize him.

Slowly he removed his lips from the doe's neck and silently held the animal toward me.

"For me?" I whispered.

He nodded.

Warily I stepped forward until only the deer's body remained between us.

"Fit your teeth where mine were," Edward directed softly. "The blood has cooled a little, but it should be all right."

"Thank you," I murmured, not able to tear my eyes from his.

He smiled, his eyes glowing a dark honey-color, and again he was so beautiful. Behind the beauty of his smile was a sweetness, a tenderness, that warmed me even before I began drinking.

I wasn't sure how long we stood there smiling at one another, but a faint noise behind us startled Edward out of our mutual haze.

"Here, before it gets cold," he said quietly, pushing the deer toward me.

I took the deer into my arms without touching Edward, lowered my mouth to the warm neck, and sunk my teeth in. Blood gushed into my mouth, and it was warm and tangy...not the best-tasting stuff, but it cooled my raging thirst as I drew mouthful after soothing mouthful down my burning throat.

Long before my thirst was quenched, the deer was empty. I looked up, bemused, to see Edward standing only a foot away from me, his eyes fixed on me, wide with wonder and something else. A lovely brightness, almost like...hope?

Then I looked down at the lovely doe in my arms.

Dead.

Her deep brown eyes were glazed with death, her body rapidly cooling in my grasp.

Edward had killed her, and we both had drawn sustenance from her.

I felt a strong feeling of respect building inside me, and I gently laid the animal down at our feet, kneeling beside it reverently. I let my hand stroke the rough coat of the doe's neck, much coarser than I had imagined.

Yes, as a human I had probably eaten meat all my life, but I doubt that I had met the animals which I had consumed.

But now I was face-to-face with the death of a beautiful, wild animal, and I mourned for a moment. "Thank you," I whispered to the doe, my hand atop her head, between her soft ears, in a grateful benediction.

I peered up at Edward, asking quietly, "What should we do with her?" His face seemed utterly gobsmacked...as if I had done something completely shocking and unexpected.

His eyes soft, Edward was stared at me as if I were the most wondrous thing he had seen ever seen. Our eyes met and somehow communicated silently; I felt a quiver of something warm and welcome pass through me as I watched him react in the same way...until I broke out of the strange yet unspeakably magical moment.

"What?" I asked softly as he continued to stare at me.

"Uh...nothing," Edward answered, as if coming out of a trance.

"What should we do with her?' I repeated, and Edward moved quickly to scoop a hole in the rain-softened earth. Gently he laid the doe's body into the hollow then covered her, returning her to the natural world from whence she came.

A simmering flame remained in my throat, but at a much more bearable level, yet my hand rose to soothe it again.

Edward smiled, but there was something different in his eyes, something that seemed like admiration. That was weird.

"Still thirsty?" he asked.

I nodded.

He took in a deep breath, and, smiling over his shoulder, took off running to the west; I followed, rejoicing in the speed, in the wind blowing through my hair, in the strength and suppleness of my new body.

It was so new to me: being outside, being strong and able to do whatever I wanted physically. I wondered if I had been ill or something before I was changed; this feeling was glorious and so very different...

Taking down an aging bull moose by myself was tricky, yet I managed it...not without getting myself filthy and blood-spattered, though. When I complained after we finished, contrasting the mess that I was to Edward's unwrinkled and perfect appearance, he gently encouraged me that it took a great deal of practice to hunt cleanly. After all, he'd been doing it for eighty-some years; I just had to be patient.

"I hate being patient," I muttered darkly.

He laughed, then told me that Emmett still returned with ripped and dirtied shirts in the spring when his favorite Grizzlies emerged from hibernation in the most irritable of moods.

Laughing together, we rejoined the rest of the family, all of them as unruffled and neat as Edward.

Yes, even Emmett this time, to my disappointment.

It was pretty darn annoying, that was for certain...

All of this went through my mind as I showered quickly, toweled myself dry, and donned panties, black skinny jeans, and a midnight-blue button-down shirt which Alice had provided.

I turned to the mirror to wipe away the steam as I prepared to run a comb through my damp hair.

But the sight that greeted me was both frightening and entrancing; I gasped in surprise.

When I started to shower, I had neglected to notice my reflection in the mirror in my eagerness to clean up after my hunting expedition; now I was shocked by the beautiful woman staring back at me.

She was a reflection.

_My reflection_.

I mean, I had noticed the Cullens' beauty immediately; they were exceptionally and inhumanly attractive. Although all memories of my life before today were clouded by a deep gray fog, I knew that I hadn't looked anything like _this _when I was human.

My face was pale with the same marble-like, perfect beauty of the Cullens, but heart-shaped with high cheekbones, full reddish-pink lips, and, when my mouth fell open in shock, gleaming white teeth. Falling nearly to my waist, my hair, though damp and uncombed after the shower, was a beautiful mahogany-brown, the bright bathroom lighting capturing auburn and golden highlights.

I stepped back to better view my body, and I gasped a second time, astounded by how nicely I filled the slim jeans and the simple cotton shirt. Apparently I would never need a bra again... a welcome development indeed.

But my wide eyes shocked me the most.

They were bright red.

Scarlet, in fact.

They were definitely not the color of regular human eyes, but certainly not the soft golden color of the Cullens', either.

My hands were shaking a little as observations, questions, and more questions raced through my insanely speedy mind.

But I knew where to get the answers I needed. Barefoot, I spun on my heel and marched downstairs to join the Cullens for our "little chat."

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

I found them gathered downstairs, all seated except for Edward and Carlisle, the latter leaning thoughtfully against the mantel of the modern fireplace. Meanwhile, Edward paced back and forth behind the closest sofa, his forehead creased with concern.

As I stomped downstairs and made my not-so-quiet entrance, Edward halted just inches away from me.

"Are you all right?" he asked anxiously, his eyes scanning mine, apparently to determine my mood.

I looked at him, quirking an eyebrow in a silent question.

"We heard you gasp. Twice. I was worried," he answered, his voice tight.

I shrugged. "I saw my reflection. It kind of freaked me out."

Turning to Carlisle, I asked, "I look different now than I did before, don't I?"

He nodded. "Your appearance is enhanced as a vampire. Your hair color has deepened, your features have become perfected, as has your form. But you don't look that different, really. Just a better version of you," he smiled.

"But my eyes?" I asked. "They're really..." I didn't have words to express my hideous scarlet eyes.

"Your eyes will not remain red...although if you were to follow the normal vampire diet of human blood, they would remain red, darkening to burgundy over the years. But consuming animal blood will eventually change your iris color to orange, then to golden over the next few months."

My eyes widened. "_Months_?" I squeaked. "How can I possibly walk around with bright red eyes for _months_?"

"We'll talk about all of this, Isabella. Why don't you take a seat?" invited Carlisle, obviously trying to calm me.

But I was too upset to sit still. "I'll stand, thanks," I replied a little coolly, narrowing my eyes and folding my arms across my chest.

I did not miss Rosalie rolling her eyes at what she probably perceived as my "drama," but _tough_. I used to be human, and now I was a supernatural being who drank blood. I think a little drama was not misplaced after this huge life change.

Carlisle took a deep breath and began. In a quiet voice that made his tale of terror even more believable, he related his own human story and transformation. He described his horror of killing a human after he became a vampire, and how he had tried to destroy himself in every way he could think of to avoid taking a human life. He told me of how he had weakened in the countryside as far from humans as possible in his determination to not succumb to his vampiric nature until he had happened upon the possibility of consuming the blood of animals.

But something puzzled me.

"How long have you been a vampire, Carlisle?" I asked curiously.

"Although we didn't keep track of dates back then the way we do now, I believe that I was turned roughly around 1664," he responded quietly.

My jaw dropped. "So...so...you're..." Utterly gobsmacked, I couldn't get the words out.

He smiled, but there was tension in his jaw as he did so. "Yes, I have been a vampire for nearly three hundred and fifty years."

"Yikes," I breathed, and the other Cullens laughed softly at my reaction. Well, except for Emmett as I don't think it was possible for him to do _anything_ softly; his loud bark of laughter scared a flock of birds in the pines the across the river into flight.

Carlisle cleared his throat, then continued, describing his decision to conquer his bloodlust so that he could be of service to humankind as a doctor. He also told of his utter loneliness, for humans must be kept ignorant of the existence of "our kind," as he delicately phrased it. He described finding Edward just before the end of the Great War ("As they called World War I at the time," Jasper added), orphaned and dying from the Spanish influenza, and his quick decision to "create" a companion.

My eyes slid sideways to study Edward as Carlisle related his story. Edward had stopped pacing and was now leaning against the stair banister, arms folded, looking at his shoes. His shoulders were tense, and he remained so absolutely still that I doubted he was breathing.

(Yeah, the whole "breathing is optional" thing freaked me out, too...)

But Edward relaxed a little when Carlisle continued with Esme's story, but now I alternately watched Carlisle and Esme as he described finding her in a morgue after her suicide attempt following the death of her infant son.

As she sat on the sofa, anxiously watching my reactions to the horror stories Carlisle was calmly relating, Esme's eyes shined oddly, as if she were trying to cry but couldn't. (Yeah, the "not crying" thing was both a positive and a negative in my book.) But the deep sadness in Esme's gentle eyes echoed in my own heart, and before I realized what I was doing, I was on my knees before her, wrapping my arms carefully around her waist. (Had to watch my own "newborn strength," you know...)

"I'm so sorry, Esme," I whispered, my voice thick with emotion.

"Sssssh, it's all right, Bella, dear. My baby died, and I miss him every single day. But look at the lovely family I've been given now—a family that will remain with me for eternity. I have been blessed with a loving husband and six beautiful children to care for. This existence has been good to me," she reassured me gently.

I noticed that she had said "_six_ beautiful children," but only five Cullen children were gathered around her. _Weird._ But now wasn't the time to ask...

"Shall I continue, Isabella?" Carlisle asked gently, smiling down on us.

I nodded, and Esme pulled me up to sit beside her on the sofa, squeezing me in between herself and Alice, each of whom took one of my hands as Carlisle prepared to pick up the tale where he had left off.

And then I had a funny feeling of _deja vu_ – as if I had heard these stories before. There was a strange ring of familiarity as Carlisle's too-calm voice continued relating the horrors experienced by each Cullen.

However, I had the feeling that this time, I truly understood the consequence of the tales.

_I was no longer an outsider looking in._

_ Now I knew. _

_ Now I belonged. _

_ I had never belonged before. _At least, I don't think I had; that was my impression, anyhow...

I shook my head slowly in bemusement while listening to Carlisle.

Besides, it was really strange to be able to think of so many things at once. I doubted that my human head would have been able to cope with all that was coming at me right now...

Rosalie had come to Carlisle's family next, but he didn't give many details about her human life or transformation, only saying that he had found her bleeding in the street and couldn't allow her to die.

"You mean that you wanted a mate for Edward," Rosalie stated unemotionally. Her face was a cool mask, but a spark in the back of her eyes could be interpreted as annoyance, or perhaps anger.

My eyes widened while my jaw dropped at this little bombshell. I looked at Rosalie's blank but extraordinarily beautiful face, then at Edward's expression which seemed to be frustrated, bordering on furious.

"I mean, why sugar-coat the truth, right?" Rosalie continued, this time with a subtle challenge underlying her words, as if daring someone to disagree with her.

But gentle Esme was the one who picked up the gauntlet. "You know that wasn't the main reason you were changed, Rose," she said gently, but a hint of steel ran beneath her quiet tone. "Carlisle couldn't bear leaving you to die there in the streets, dear. You know this."

Rose shook her head and looked down at her hands in her lap but didn't add anything else.

Carlisle continued with the addition of Emmett to the family shortly thereafter and Rosalie's "rescue" after he was mauled by a bear (no wonder he preferred irritable Grizzlies!), then related Alice and Jasper finding them and asking to become part of the Cullen family as well.

Again, that feeling of familiarity came over me. And this time I decided to act on it.

"Carlisle, have I heard these stories before?" I asked, my back straight and my neck muscles tense.

His face brightened. "Do you remember hearing them before?" he asked eagerly.

I answered slowly, not wanting to get his (or my) hopes up. "They seem familiar to me, somehow. I don't know if I remember them, exactly, but it's as if they don't seem completely new or foreign to me."

Carlisle's smile was ecstatic. "I believe that this is a good sign, Isabella. A very good sign," he repeated animatedly.

Another question popped into my mind. "Are there a lot of vampires? And do many of them keep an animal-only diet?" I asked, extremely curious about my new life (or "existence," since "life" was kind of difficult to sustain without a pulse...).

Carlisle sighed. "There are some vampires, not many but some. Occasionally we run across them, or, rather, they run across us. But we know of only one other family who sustains themselves solely on animals; they live near Denali, Alaska. We regard them as family... as cousins, if you will."

"Yeah, our three Russian 'cousins' are something else...more like 'kissing cousins,' you know. Especially Tanya," teased Emmett, wolf-whistling, then dodging Rosalie's head slap. "Right, Edward?" he added with a sly wink.

Even with my new vampire senses, the resounding crash that immediately followed Emmett's words startled me.

Grasping the nearest object, a solid glass paperweight from an end table, Edward had hurled it at Emmett's head with such speed and force that the bell-like clang as it struck Emmett's hard head, followed a split-second later by the unmistakeable shattering of glass, reverberated throughout the room. All of us, except for Carlisle and Edward who were standing on opposite ends of the room, were blanketed by a thin sheen of glittering shards.

The entire family, including me, was shocked into silence for a long moment, our eyes fixed on Edward in utter surprise; wide-eyed, he seemed just as appalled as we were by his action.

His mouth agape in amazement, Emmett himself was completely speechless.

_Well, there had to be a first time for everything... _

"I'm sorry, Emmett," apologized Alice, recovering first and starting to nonchalantly pluck glass shards from her cashmere sweater. "Edward decided too quickly for me to see what he'd do."

"That's okay," said Emmett to Alice, but he wasn't smiling; his eyes were huge as he watched Edward warily. "No harm done."

"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen!" hissed Esme in a low, scary voice, her eyes hard and furious. "After we're done here, you will locate and pick up every single sliver of glass in this room. Do you hear me?"

Edward nodded mutely, apparently ashamed.

"And you will apologize to your brother," Esme demanded.

Quickly Edward looked at his mother, his eyes shocked and pleading, but she shook her head at him, refusing his silent request.

After a long pause, Edward turned to his brother. "Fine," Edward huffed. "Sorry, Emmett."

I thought that Emmett would call Edward on his obviously insincere apology, but Emmett seemed nearly as ashamed as Edward was.

"No, I'm sorry, bro. That was a low blow." Emmett seemed sincere, but his eyes twinkled mischievously at the last word.

Edward rolled his eyes in supreme annoyance, then shot me a panicked glance.

I stared back at him, totally confused by his violent reaction to Emmett's teasing. But as soon as our eyes met, Edward broke our connection by looking down, studying his shoes once again as he folded his arms across his chest.

Curious as all-get-out, yet not wanting to embarrass Edward further, I turned to Carlisle. "Who's Tanya?" I asked meekly, watching Edward from the corner of my eye.

Not looking up, Edward sighed in a resigned way, but my question evoked no other visible reaction.

Carlisle was also watching his son surreptitiously as he answered me. "The Denali Family consists of five vampires: a mated pair, Eleazar and Carmen, and three sisters: Kate, Irina, and Tanya. Tanya is the leader of the Denali Family."

Emmett opened his mouth to add something, but one glance at his brother stopped him cold; he wisely thought better of saying anything (for once).

But I resolved to ask Emmett or Alice privately about Tanya at a later moment...

However, I recalled that my very first question had never been answered, so I returned to it, remembering how reluctant Carlisle had seemed when I asked the first time...

"But how did I become a vampire?" I asked, an inexplicable sadness seeping into my voice.

Carlisle tensed, and, from the corner of my eye, I saw Edward do the same as an oddly unsettled yet expectant feeling permeated the room.

"Is my story _that_ bad, Carlisle?" I asked quietly, trying to prepare myself to hear the worst.

"Well, it's long and complicated," he started, but I had the suspicion that he was being diplomatic. He paused, as if searching for the words that would make this news easier to bear.

But I didn't want to be coddled; I deserved the truth, so I asked rather bluntly, "Did one of you make me into a vampire?"

Silence greeted me as the Cullens exchanged nervous glances.

After thirty seconds of awkward silence, Edward pushed off from the stair banister at the far side of the room and walked toward me, deliberately not meeting my eyes until he stood directly in front of me.

Slowly he raised his gaze from his shoes until his beautiful golden eyes met mine.

"I did it, Isabella," Edward confessed solemnly, his musical voice almost trembling with suppressed emotion. "I was the one who turned you into a vampire."

* * *

><p><p>

_**A/N: Thanks for reading! I'm sorry for the delay in posting this chapter, but, as you can see, it's twice as long as some of my chapters, so I hope the length makes up for the delay. **_

_**Thank you also for all your kind reviews! I wish I could respond to them all, but my autoimmune illness has been kicked into high gear with the hot weather, and I'm struggling more than usual with chronic pain and fatigue. **_

_**I still hope to get the next chapter out by Sunday or Monday; we'll see. I can't wait for Bella's reaction to Edward's bombshell. Do you think she'll react positively or negatively? Let me know! **_

_**Thanks soooo much for reading, following, favoriting,and reviewing! You all are amazing! **_

_**Stay cool! ;)**_

_**Much love,**_

_**Cassandra :D**_

_**xxxooo**_


	43. Chapter 41

_**From Chapter 40:**_

_But I didn't want to be coddled; I deserved the truth, so I asked rather bluntly, "Did one of you make me into a vampire?"_

_ Silence greeted me as the Cullens exchanged nervous glances. _

_ After thirty seconds of awkward silence, Edward pushed off from the stair banister at the far side of the room and walked toward me, deliberately not meeting my eyes until he stood directly in front of me. _

_ Slowly he raised his gaze from his shoes until his beautiful golden eyes met mine. _

_ "I did it, Isabella," Edward confessed solemnly, his musical voice almost trembling with suppressed emotion. "I was the one who turned you into a vampire."_

**Chapter 41**

Although he stood mere inches away as his newly-golden eyes bored into mine, Edward did not touch me consolingly as I expected. Yet his quiet confession, so full of barely-controlled feeling, stunned me.

My new, roomy mind seemed to spin, then somehow collapse in upon itself with shock. After all I had felt from Edward and for him in the short time since I had awakened as a vampire...

* * *

><em><strong>He<strong>__ was the one who did this to me? _

* * *

><em><strong>He<strong>__ was the one who made me into a horrific, blood-drinking monster? _

I couldn't believe it.

"How could you?" I choked out, my hands trembling as I stepped away from him.

Taking a step back as well, Edward appeared astounded, as if my whispered words were a slap across his face. Shock filled his eyes; he could not avoid the accusation in my words and in my eyes.

Carlisle stepped forward to speak, but I put up my palm to halt him. "I need to hear this from Edward, please," I stated in a hard voice. Carlisle nodded sadly but kept his place as if he feared for Edward's safety.

_Oh, right. _

_ I was a dangerous, out-of-control newborn vampire. _

_ They didn't trust me._

And, perhaps irrationally, that thought angered me all the more.

The beautiful warmth in Edward's eyes, which had so drawn me to him since my burning time had ended, flickered like a candle in a draft, then was extinguished completely as he gazed at me without hope.

Even though it was apparently impossible for a vampire to feel physical exhaustion, Edward looked tired, worn, empty.

And so, so very sad.

It was his seeming exhaustion and deep sorrow that quenched my anger and plucked at my compassion.

_Perhaps there was a good reason behind his action?_

I barely noticed Carlisle and Esmé subtly herding everyone from the room, leaving Edward and me alone.

I swallowed hard, then asked him one word in a low voice.

"Why?"

Too agitated to remain still, Edward ran a hand through his hair and began pacing back and forth in front of me.

After a few moments, he stopped, his eyes fixed on the floor. "Because I couldn't bear to lose you, Isabella," he replied, his voice barely audible even with my enhanced vampire hearing.

Puzzled, I stared at him, and he responded to my confusion by slowly approaching me, stopping close enough that I could sense a physical connection between us even though we weren't actually touching; in fact, I remembered that Edward and I hadn't touched since I leaped to my feet after my transformation was complete.

My new vampire mind was certainly easily distractable; I turned away from thinking about how much I liked the idea of Edward holding my hand as I awakened from my change. No, now I needed to devote my full (and obviously random) attention to his words.

"You were dying. It was the only way," Edward whispered, his voice tight with emotion as he refused to look at me, his jaw set and taut.

Taking one step closer to me, he stood so near that I could definitely feel that attraction...rather like a hum of power between us, like magnets being drawn inexorably toward one another by invisible yet very real forces.

But Edward's answer had only raised another dozen questions in my mind. I looked up at him, still confused, as he continued to avert his gaze; it was almost as if he feared that I would see too much in his eyes.

Pulling my attention back to the conversation yet again, I chose the most pressing question to pursue.

"I was dying?" I asked quietly.

Finally he turned his eyes back to mine; they were profound with sorrow and regret.

"Yes," he replied, his voice barely above a whisper. "Carlisle and I had worked on you for so long, trying to save you. But it wasn't enough. _We_ weren't enough. And then your heart stopped..."

Edward paused, taking a deep breath as his careful composure began to crack; it was with the utmost effort that he continued, his voice raw with emotion and his eyes tortured.

"Your heart stopped," he repeated, "and I did CPR while Carlisle kept working on you. But you were too horribly injured; you had lost so much blood...too much blood." He stopped again, trying to compose himself, then continued in a barely audible whisper, "God, it was everywhere..." He covered his face with his hands, and his shoulders shook with a silent sob...then another.

After a long moment, Edward whispered brokenly, "You were dead, Isabella. And my heart...my heart was breaking each time I forced yours to beat under my hands..."

With a heavy sigh, he lowered his hands from his face, allowing them to fall limply at his sides. Again his gaze met mine, and the deep sorrow and profound regret etched on his beautiful face nearly broke my own silent heart...the one he had forced to beat over and over as he attempted to save my life.

"Please believe me, Isabella," he pleaded, "there was no other way to save you but to change you. I had only seconds to decide whether to bring you into this existence, this monstrous eternity, knowing that you would probably hate me for condemning you as a creature of the night...or to let you die and never again admire your bravery or see your smile or hear your laughter or..."

He broke our gaze and looked down again, as if thoroughly ashamed. "I chose selfishly because I couldn't bear the thought of going through eternity without you. My only hope is that you can forgive me some day, Isabella."

My heart broke with his, and again I was conscious of that electric humming, always drawing me toward him. Tentatively I raised his hand and cupped my small palm against his jawline, desiring to reassure and comfort this beautiful man with whom I shared this incredible connection.

Touching Edward was breathtaking.

And shocking.

_And utterly, utterly right. _

As my palm came in contact with his face, the warmth I had seen in his eyes every time he had looked at me became utter reality, racing from his face to my hand, suffusing my new coolness with an amazing warmth.

The moment I touched him, his head snapped up, our gaze melting, scarlet into gold and gold into scarlet, as his warmth continued to flow tangibly through our contact and visually through his eyes which widened first with complete surprise, and then with depth of feeling.

I trembled in response to the overwhelming sensation of my now-glacial body warming from the inside out.

I couldn't name this sensation, this emotion, but I knew that it was everything I had ever dreamed of and hoped for...

Because the warmth of Edward's love was melting and unlocking my human memories.

Gasping, I couldn't speak as image after image poured into my mind:

My mother and father, happy and laughing, as I, a small child, jumped on their bed, our Sunday morning ritual as they read the newspaper together...

My mother, her face drawn with pain, her thin hand cupping my chin as she told me that she would always love me, even when I couldn't see her any longer...

Carlisle lifting me from my mother's cold, final embrace as my father's sobs echoed from their bedroom...

Sarah Black kindly welcoming me into their modest home, introducing a shy young girl who had lost everything to her family...

Billy, cold and cruel after Sarah's death, the click of the lock on my bedroom door as he shut me in...

Jacob, smiling bashfully as he sneaked me food and books, releasing me from my room when Billy was away...

Billy slapping me across the face for no reason...

Mrs. Jane standing up to Billy, insisting on my attending Forks High...

Mrs. Jane helping me buy new school clothes at the thrift store...

Jacob, maliciously slamming me against the hall doorway with his shoulder...

My first day at Forks High, Edward's glittering eyes angry as he stalked from the classroom...

Carlisle treating me so kindly in the hospital after my anxiety attacks...

Jacob, large and hulking, shattering the lightbulb above my bed, leaving me locked and shaking in the darkness of my room...

Jacob chasing me on the beach, throwing me down and trying to rape me, then morphing into a huge wolf in his fury...

Sam and Emily panicking in their van as they took me to the hospital...

Waking up to see Carlisle's face and feeling safe at last...

My new room in the Cullens' home, so cheerful in purples and greens...

Esmé's smiling face, bringing me soup and grilled cheese sandwiches...

Emmett teasing me while Rosalie remained cool and detached...

Alice insisting on braiding my hair, and Jasper laughing at my eye-rolling...

Carlisle's compassionate eyes as he cared for me...

Edward always in the background, his eyes anxiously following me...

Then Edward's cool lips brushing against mine...

And the attack. My fear for the Cullens as they prepared to defend their home from the wolves...

My wall exploding in a shower of dust and debris...

Esmé fighting to protect me from a giant wolf..._Jacob_...

And the huge Jacob-wolf springing at me as I looked death in the face-

The power of the memories, fuzzy and indistinct though they were, overwhelmed me. A quiet moan escaped my lips as my legs gave out; Edward caught me and lowered us to sit on the floor with me curled in his lap.

"Bella?" His eyes glued to mine, Edward placed his hand on the side of my face as he called quietly but urgently for Carlisle.

Carlisle was bending over us within five-sixteeths of a second.

"What happened?" he asked, frowning.

Incapable of speech, I stared at Edward whose eyes were as wide and shocked as mine.

"I saw it," he whispered, his eyes focused on me. "I saw everything."

"What do you mean, Edward? Isabella, what's wrong?" Carlisle's usual calm was gone; his voice was low and urgent.

"She remembers it all, Carlisle," Edward stated, his face aglow with wonder. "I saw all her memories come back to her."

I blinked, then shook my head, trying to regain some sense of equilibrium. Today was simply too confusing; my brain and body moved way too fast, and even the most familiar things seemed oddly foreign to me.

"Isabella?" Carlisle asked, concerned.

Closing my eyes for a moment, I tried to calm my mind enough to be able to respond.

"When Edward touched me, I-" _How could I explain the connection between us, forged by his touch? The warmth that I hunger for? _

_ I'd better stick to what I could explain, no matter how mysterious..._

"When Edward touched me," I began again, "it all came rushing back...all these images from my childhood, my time with the Blacks, what Jacob did to me, coming here, the attack..." My voice trailed off.

I heard gasps over Carlisle's shoulder and became aware that the rest of the family had returned to the living room. Then I became aware that I was sitting on Edward's lap, in Edward's arms, on the floor.

If I could have blushed, I would have.

But we had more important aspects to consider.

"What is the last thing you remember?" Carlisle asked me eagerly.

I paused, combing through the images in my mind, images that were rather fuzzy and indistinct, as if I was looking at them through one of those weird binocular machines that eye doctors used to test sight..._Which is clearer, 1 or 2?_ But my new and improved mind quickly categorized the images into a time line of sorts, making it simple to answer Carlisle's question.

"Jacob, in his wolf form, attacking me in my room," I replied confidently.

Carlisle nodded, then asked, "Do you want to know what happened after that, Isabella?"

I sighed as I considered his question before answering truthfully. "Yes and no, if that makes any sense."

I felt Esmé kneeling beside me then, placing her arms around my shoulders a bit awkwardly as she had to reach around Edward who seemed loathe to release me. "It makes perfect sense, Bella dear," she said encouragingly.

I looked first at Carlisle, whose expression was concerned, then at Edward, his eyes darkened with pain and guilt.

For Edward's sake, I needed to know what had occurred so that I wouldn't blame him. I knew enough of the Cullens...or, remembered enough of the Cullens now...to realize that not one of them would transform me into a vampire if there were any other choice available.

"I don't _want_ to know, but I _need_ to know," I whispered.

Carlisle's concerned face warmed with compassion. "I know, my dear. But I believe that you're making the wisest decision."

"Tell me," I sighed softly, and Edward's hold on me tightened slightly in support.

So Carlisle told me, his voice breaking a few times, of his seeing Jacob attacking me. He described the attack in detached, clinical terms that somehow made the violence all the more powerful and frightening. Carlisle told of running to the living room, of Edward's help as they tried to put me back together in a futile battle against death. Then came the stopping of my heart...and Carlisle's whispered directions to Edward to bite me, to transform me, as the only hope, and how close it came to not working.

"...I believe that the trauma of your final human minutes, of the violence of the attack on you and the fact that we almost didn't succeed, caused this temporary amnesia, Isabella," Carlisle concluded quietly. "Alice also seems to have had a difficult transition from her human life to this, and she remembers nothing of her human life, either." He paused, looking at me cautiously. "Does that make sense to you?"

I nodded. "Yes," I breathed.

Emmett's voice interrupted at this point. "But how did Edward see her memories if he can't read her mind?"

"Can you see her thoughts now, Edward?" Carlisle asked.

Edward shook his head sorrowfully. "No, I can't." He paused for a moment, then continued in a low voice, "I think it was like a short but powerful moment of insight—when I touched her, I felt warm, as if I were human again for a moment, and all her memories poured into my mind, one after another in quick succession. But when she collapsed, it all disappeared, and I've seen nothing since."

"This development is intriguing," stated Jasper thoughtfully.

"Bella is the only one whom Edward cannot read, yet as her memory came back, he saw it all. I believe that this short-lived ability means that with some training, Bella may be able to learn how to raise and lower her 'shield,' for lack of a better word."

"Shield?" I asked, confused.

Jasper turned to me, excited, but I couldn't see him well in the position I was in. As I started to scramble up off the floor, Edward rose with me, keeping a tight grip on my hand as he led me to the sofa. He seated himself, then pulled me down to sit close beside him, our jean-clad thighs touching.

"Yes, shield," Jasper answered. "As in a defensive something that protects the person behind it. I've heard of some shields that are purely defensive, and some that are offensive as well as defensive. The intriguing part is that although you were only a human, Edward could never read your mind, but once you became a vampire, you started shielding both Alice and my own gifts, gifts that are purely physical in nature. So apparently your shield increased in strength when you transformed—which makes sense as you've developed vampire strength both physically and mentally. But the fact that Edward just saw into your mind shows us that you should be able to learn how to lower your shield. It will take time and practice to control it, but it's a formidable gift and could possibly become offensive as well as defensive, with training."

"What does all that mean?" I asked, bewildered.

"It means that you are a powerfully gifted vampire, Isabella," Carlisle replied. "Just as gifted as Edward, Alice, and Jasper. It will take some time to learn to control your shield, but it seems quite...impressive."

As if this news wasn't enough, another thought crossed my mind, and I froze in place as fear gripped me.

"Isabella, what is it?" Edward asked, his musical voice rough with worry.

"Jacob. Is he..." my voice trailed off.

"He's dead." Rosalie had spoken at last, her voice hard.

Sighing in relief, I relaxed against Edward, thankful for his reassuring arm around his shoulder. Jacob wouldn't ever come after me again. All too clearly now I remember the hatred in his eyes...under his roof...on the beach...and especially in his wolf form. He may have claimed to love me, but his idea of love was all about control and possession, and nothing to do with kindness, respect, regard, or unselfishness. Although his affection for me was shy and kind when we were younger, his "love" had become a twisted, evil thing, warped and dangerous after he transformed. I had been so naively hopeful when I returned to him after Carlisle's and Mrs. Jane's warnings, remembering the boy he had been rather than the monster he had become.

"Isabella?" Edward was cupping my chin in his hand, gently pulling my face away from him so that he could see me. His warm eyes searched mine with concern. "What are you thinking?" he asked after a long moment during which every Cullen faded away and I saw only Edward.

I sighed again, this time with a huff of frustration. "I should have listened to Carlisle and Mrs. Jane. I never should have gone back to the Blacks. I had the foolish thought that I could save him, that my Jacob was still there somewhere beneath the meanness and hatred and..._twistedness_." I heard a mournful tone in my voice and sighed again.

But Edward wasn't going to allow me to dwell on my regrets. "You did what you thought best, Isabella, with the purest of motives. If anything, your decision was entirely selfless, and I admire you for your willingness to reach out to him." His eyes grew sad as he continued. "Do I wish that we had been able to take you into our home at that point, before you were injured? Definitely. We would have been happy to do anything that would spare you pain. But I am proud of you for going back, for refusing to give up on someone you regarded as a brother. It was a very loving thing to do." His voice finished in a warm whisper, his forehead touching mine.

Being this close to Edward was balm to my hurting soul. While my first reaction to the knowledge that Jacob was dead had been pure relief, I would mourn the boy I had known before he changed into a monster...in more ways than one. I would miss my Jacob, the one who had so often braved his father's wrath to help me, who had brightened my starved, dreary days of imprisonment.

The subtle throat-clearing reminded me that Edward and I were not alone, and we reluctantly turned toward Carlisle...a smiling Carlisle who looked very cat-who-ate-the-canary-ish as he surveyed Edward and me...especially as we were still gripped both of each others' hands.

"Dude, save the making out for later! You have to tell Bella what Rosie did!" Emmett's booming voice definitely brought me out of my walking daydream starring Edward Cullen and back to reality.

I wondered how Edward would take his brother's good-natured reminder as they had seemed quite at-odds during my long recovery in the Cullens' home. But Edward threw back his head and laughed the most glorious laugh; pealing church bells were the closest comparison that I could think of, but this laugh was even more: full of life, humor, and...pure joy. I stared at Edward, mouth agape, taking in this new Edward, so different from the sad and brooding young man I had known.

Edward's laughter stopped abruptly when he caught sight of my expression which, if it reflected my true feelings, was a mixture of awestruck, overjoyed, and more than a little lust-ridden. His eyes darkened as he understood my emotions, and I had the unaccountable compulsion, which I fortunately subdued with effort, to jump into Edward's lap, straddle him, and kiss him senseless...

But another "Hey, Dude!" from an impatient Emmett recalled both of us to our surroundings...and to our very present family.

"Let Rosalie tell the story," Edward said, smiling at the lovely blonde.

"I'd rather not," she replied with distaste. "It's something I wish I could wipe from my memory forever, so I'd certainly not appreciate retelling it."

"Okay, okay, I'll tell you what happened, Bella," Emmett rubbed his hands together with glee. "You see, I jumped in and attacked Jacob after he had attacked you. I diverted him so that Carlisle could get you our of your room...or what was left of your room, anyway. But man, those wolf claws are damn sharp, and they can do serious damage, even to vampires. Anywhoo, I went crashing with him right through one of your bedroom walls and into your bathroom, right into the marble-tiled wall. I thought that stuff might damage even a hard head like his, but nothing doing. It barely even stunned him. I was getting in some punches, he was getting in some swipes, then he twisted back and clawed my leg right off!"

Emmett paused here, obviously for dramatic effect, and his smirk of satisfaction indicated that my gasp of shock and awestruck expression were the proper responses.

"I admit, I was in a bad way, thanks to that fucking mutt. Then Rosie comes running in, sees me without my leg and completely cornered by that brute, and she just jumped him and ripped his fucking head right off. Man, it was sooooo hot!"

While Rosalie slapped the back of Emmett's head over his last comment, I couldn't help mourning for MY Jacob again. Yes, I was glad that Jacob-the-monster was dead and would never come after me again. Yes, I was glad that Rosalie had saved Emmett. But to be brutally beheaded... I shook my head a little in confusion over my conflicting emotions.

"Emmett, think what you're saying! First, watch your language! And second, remember that no matter how bad Jacob had become, he was still Bella's adopted brother, and she loved him. You could have been a little more tactful," Esmé pointed out gently but firmly.

Emmett turned back to me. "Sorry, Bella. I didn't mean to get so, um..." His voice trailed off as he pondered which word to use.

"Animated?" supplied Rosalie dryly, and Emmett leaned over to kiss her cheek.

"Exactly," he agreed. Then Emmett's face grew serious. "I mean it, Bella. Not that I wasn't thankful that Rosie saved me, but I could have told you better."

"It's okay, Emmett; I'm fine," I replied soberly, then turned to Rosalie. "Thank you, Rosalie, for..." I was at a loss for words, but struggled on. "...for doing what you had to do to rescue Emmett and me." I looked around the room at all of the Cullens, now MY family. "Thank you, all of you, for being willing to fight to protect me. I was nobody to you, but you all willingly put your lives on the line to protect me from danger and to save me from Jacob. I truly appreciate it."

Esmé looked as if she would cry if she could, but it was Carlisle who finally spoke up. "Isabella, you are family. You have been family since you entered our home. We are extremely grateful that all is well now; however, we are sorry indeed that your humanity had to be lost in the process of protecting you." His expression was mournful as well. Alice also looked to be on the verge of tears as Jasper quietly comforted her, and even Emmett looked serious as he earnestly nodded in agreement with Carlisle's words.

All I could do was whisper "Thank you" once more before Edward pulled me into his arms; I laid my head against his silent chest, feeling as if I were truly _home_ for the first time in a decade.

* * *

><p><p>

3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3

* * *

><p><p>

* * *

><em><strong>AN: I hope that you all enjoyed this chapter. I really loved writing about Edward and Bella being on the same page at last. But there is more to come. I'd say that the story should end up around 50-60 chapters, but it may end earlier as Edward and Bella decided to get along better with one another than I had planned, LOL! Their love cannot be denied, I suppose... ;)**_

* * *

><p><p>

* * *

><em><strong>I'm so sorry that I've been unable to respond to all of your lovely comments and reviews. It's been a very hot summer, and such heat drains my strength. I've been in a lot more pain than usual from my autoimmune conditions, and I've also been unable to sleep more than 3-4 hours a night. <strong>_

* * *

><p><p>

* * *

><em><strong>Plus, I'm working at my new job of writing home school curriculum as well as teaching online classes to home schoolers. In a week we'll begin our 16th year of home schooling with my boys in grades 7, 10, and 12. I'll have new classes to teach, both online and with our home school group, plus my own editingessay grading business will start back up with the new school year. **_

* * *

><p><p>

* * *

><em><strong>I'll try to post a new chapter each weekend, but I can't guarantee I'll be able to do so every single week. Thank you for your patience and understanding of my physical limitations and extreme busyness; I wish I had more time and strength to write for you all and to be able to respond to all your wonderful comments; I read and save every one of them! Truly, your encouragement is what keeps me writing, so THANK YOU for all of your kind and awe-inspiring words. :D<strong>_

* * *

><p><p>

* * *

><em><strong>Until next Sunday, my friends!<strong>_

* * *

><p><p>

* * *

><em><strong>xxxooo,<strong>_

* * *

><em><strong>Cassandra :)<strong>_


	44. Chapter 42

**Chapter 42**

Feeling perfectly at home in Edward's embrace was a new but very welcome development. As I mentally thumbed through my human memories, fogged as they were, I remembered the tension between us over the last few weeks—from the very first day I saw him at Forks High, really. The constant draw I felt toward him had always been there.

And his kiss...our kiss: tender, restrained, joyous.

And his declaration.

_Edward loved me. _

I looked up at him, certain that the wonder I felt was plain in my expression. He smiled down at me, his eyes warm and tender.

"Shall we go for a walk?" he asked quietly.

A walk? I felt confused for a moment, then I cottoned on. Got it. A walk..._away from the prying eyes and too-sensitive ears of his family._ A walk seemed like an excellent idea indeed.

I nodded, smiling timidly; if I were still human, I would definitely have been blushing.

He gave my hands a knowing squeeze before releasing me, then turned his back on the crowded room and ushered me out through the kitchen. Always the gentleman, Edward opened the back door of the house for me, stepping aside to allow me to precede him.

An ear-splitting sound caused me to cover my ears in shock while Edward grimaced. Exchanging glances of amused annoyance, we both ignored Emmett's loud wolf-whistle. But I did catch Edward rolling his eyes as he closed the door behind us and grinned to myself.

As we went down the redwood deck stairs onto the wide lawn, he reached for my hand. Somehow it seemed perfectly natural to allow his long fingers to fold around my much smaller ones. Still feeling a little awkward, we exchanged shy smiles.

Following a narrow but well-worn path, Edward led me along the riverbank. The scenery was lovely; we were shaded by majestic Douglas Firs, spreading cedars, ancient oaks. As we walked hand-in-hand in comfortable silence, the music of the gently running river soothing and peaceful, my eyes drank in the amazing detail of our natural surroundings now afforded by my new vampiric vision.

_I could get used to this._

After strolling along even slower than human speed, Edward pulled me to a cluster of rounded boulders jutting over the river bank. We seated ourselves side-by-side atop a rather flat gray-brown rock, our feet dangling several feet above the surface of the gently-moving water. He took my hand again, and with a smug grin I noticed that we were both the same temperature now.

It wasn't actually sunny (this is Forks, after all) but the pale sunlight sifted through the trees, warming us despite our natural coldness. I peered up at Edward bashfully through my eyelashes and was astounded to see his face aglow in the late-afternoon light. Twisting toward him, I lifted my hands to his face, marveling at the radiance of his visage between my palms. And my hands were luminous as well.

I think my mouth popped open with surprise at the brilliance of his skin...our skin. Between my palms, Edward smiled...no, _smirked _at me.

"Haven't you seen a vampire in the sun before?" he teased lightly.

"As a matter of fact, I haven't," I returned nonchalantly, trying to mask how awestruck I really was at how we glimmered in the weak sunshine. I tried to speak lightly. "It's a good thing that we don't burn to a crisp or something in the sun, right?" I smirked, taking my turn at gentle teasing.

"Myth," he said softly, and his expression shifted slowly from amused to desirous under my watchful gaze.

As his expression changed, my mood did as well. His face still in my hands, I leaned forward and pressed my cool lips chastely to his. It was bliss...sheer bliss...kissing Edward like this.

But I was in no way expecting what happened next.

With a sudden movement, Edward pulled me firmly against his side, my head resting against his shoulder as his lips attacked mine with a passion that I hadn't anticipated.

What happened to gentlemanly Edward?

But I had to admit that I liked this out-of-control Edward perhaps even more than his turn-of-the-century politeness as I surrendered to the strong emotions evoked by his kiss.

Obviously I was fairly innocent. Being locked up for all of my teen years made me basically a hermit or a nun; my only romantic "action" had been Jacob's near-rape, and I definitely wasn't counting _that _as romance_, thankyouverymuch_.

But with Edward's lips moving persuasively on mine, I wanted him with everything I had and everything I was.

His tongue sought permission from my closed lips, and I tentatively opened my mouth to him.

_And then I discovered all that I had been missing while locked in that tiny, filthy dump of a room at the Blacks'... _

His hands on my waist, Edward lifted me into his lap, astride him. My hands slid from his face into the hair at the nape of his neck as my thighs gripped his waist.

I felt him tremble beneath me as he thrust his tongue into my mouth; I melted into his embrace further, surrendering to the passion I had never experienced...or even read about.

My reading had been confined to the classics, after all, and they had never come close to expressing the utterly out-of-control feelings that Edward's kisses brought forth in me. I couldn't think; I could only feel, and every movement Edward made drove me further to the brink...of what, I wasn't sure.

His tongue teased mine, and I tentatively teased his back in a dance as old as time itself.

Thankfully we never had to worry about oxygen deprivation, so it was who-knows-how-long before I pulled back slightly from Edward's lips. Both of us were panting heavily, and I peeked up at his face, wondering what expression I would see there. Would he feel guilty? Ashamed? Embarrassed?

Edward was looking down at me, his eyes warm and admiring; really, he looked almost as awestruck as I felt. His hands remained at my waist, mine buried in the soft hair at the back of his neck.

If I were still human, I would have been blushing twelve shades of scarlet right now, so there's another advantage to becoming a vampire...

Edward smiled at me tenderly, his eyes alight with feeling, and he pulled me gently against his chest, embracing me.

I could have stayed in his arms forever, my ear against his silent heart, his cheek nestled against the top of my head. Every once in a while I felt him press a kiss on the top of my head.

I would have felt perfectly at peace in Edward's arms except for the increasingly uncomfortable burning in my throat. I shifted slightly, trying to ignore the pain and focus on the quiet contentment so foreign to me. But the third time I fidgeted, Edward pulled back and searched my expression with concern.

It took him only a moment to ferret out the cause of my discomfort.

"Shall we hunt, Isabella?" he asked, smiling encouragingly.

I nodded, feeling a little ashamed at having to interrupt our idyllic time together. My feelings must have been easy to read in my expression, for Edward captured my chin in his hand to gain my full attention.

"Please hear me, Isabella. Yes, our time here has been perfect. But we have an eternity of perfect time alone ahead of us. _An eternity._ I promise that we will return here often, and I also have a very special place I wish to show you on another day. But young vampires" (he must have caught my annoyance with the term "newborn") "need to hunt more frequently. It's nothing to be ashamed of, and I love being with you, no matter what we are doing. And hunting with you is and always will be a pleasure. Do you understand?"

I nodded, smiling a little now.

"Good," he said quietly, his smile radiant. He was on his feet in a sixteenth of a second and extended a hand to help me to my feet, not because I needed help (which I obviously did not), but because he was gallant and, I think, because like me, it was almost painful to NOT be touching each other in some way.

_Was that the definition of "true love"? That being without the others' touch was physically painful? _

I would have to ponder this question for a millennium or three. And that thought...having thousands of years ahead of me with Edward at my side...brought such a wave of emotion over me that I laughed for sheer joy.

Edward looked down at me from his great height (really, he was nearly twelve inches taller than myself!) and grinned. "Care to share the joke?" he asked, his eyes warm with admiration.

"Nope," I refused cheekily and started walking down the path ahead of him.

In a split second, Edward scooped me into his arms and took off down the path so speedily that we startled a good number of small wild creatures which were too shocked to run away until we were far beyond them.

I laughed in his arms as he ran, amused by his playfulness; Edward always seemed so serious, often _too_ serious, in fact. So seeing him grinning boyishly down at me brought elated laughter to my lips again.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

_What a confusing day_, I thought a few hours later as Edward and I walked up the back steps to the Cullens' home after hunting deer. We were both silent on the trip back, running side-by-side through the forest until we reached the river which we leaped one after the other.

During our hunt and the run back to the house, we had not spoken; Edward had refused to even look at me on the trip home, and I did my fair share at peeking questioningly at him...which if he noticed, he ignored completely.

Apparently neither one of us wanted to bring up the subject of what had occurred after we finished hunting. Thus the decidedly awkward silence.

The crickets were deafening for sure.

As I mulled over what had happened, I surmised that my best chance for figuring out what had happened between Edward and myself was talking to Alice.

Wordlessly, Edward politely opened the door for me, allowing me into the house ahead of him. We rounded the corner and found Emmett and Jasper playing _Call of Duty: Black Ops_ and happily killing zombies. Jasper turned quickly, giving Edward a penetrating look while Emmett took the opportunity to kill Jasper's character.

"Hey, not fair!" objected Jasper.

"S'not my fault you're easily distracted," gloated Emmett.

I noticed Edward discreetly nodding toward the front door, and Jasper got to his feet immediately.

"Emmett, come on. I think we need to get some fresh air," Jasper recommended out of the blue.

"Aw, come on! Don't be a sore loser! The game's just getting good!" Emmett groaned.

"Come on, Em. Now." Jasper was intractable. While Emmett reluctantly got to his feet, Edward was already striding toward the front door and slammed it open, the doorknob seriously denting the plaster wall. Not looking back or saying anything to me, he was gone.

Emmett and I exchanged confused looks, shrugging at each other. But Jasper looked at me with compassion.

"Alice and Rose are upstairs. I'm sure that you have a lot to catch up on," he said quietly, giving me a meaningful wink.

Understanding dawned on me. _Duh. _"Thanks, Jasper," I said, moving to the staircase and leaving a still-confused Emmett behind me. As I climbed the stairs, I heard the front door close quietly behind them.

I stopped halfway up and looked over my shoulder at the gauged-out plaster on the ivory wall. Esme and Carlisle must not be at home or she would have been on Edward's case about the damage he had just inflicted on her entry wall. When she got home, she would definitely make him repair the mess...after scolding him soundly first, of course.

Shaking my head, I turned back to climbing the stairs. Approaching Alice's room, I knocked gently on the door. (Somehow I never had to adjust to being gentle with objects the way the other Cullens had to...and Emmett still needed to be careful when excited.) Alice bade me enter, and I opened the door to find her lying across the bed on her stomach, painting her nails in perfect purple-and-black diagonal stripes. Near the window, Rosalie was lounging in a comfortable-looking armchair reading _Car and Driver_, but she didn't bother with greeting me or even glancing up.

Alice leaped to her feet and gave me a careful hug so as to avoid ruining her manicure. "I'm so glad you're here, Bella. But it just sucks that I never know when you're coming; I hate not being able to see you anymore," she grumbled affectionately.

"Um, sorry?" I tried awkwardly, not really sure what I should say after her mini-diatribe.

Alice waved her hand airily, dismissing my apology, and motioned for me to take a seat on the bed.

Glancing warily at Rosalie, I seated myself uncomfortably on the corner of the king-sized bed that dominated the bedroom while Alice resumed her manicure and Rosalie turned a page of her magazine.

_Crickets again._

"So, Bella, what's up?" Alice asked curiously as she capped her black polish and blew on her nails. "Want a manicure?"

Politely refusing her kind offer, I shrugged in answer to her first question. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Rosalie's eyes narrow as she watched me.

_ Okay, this was a bad idea..._

"Spill," Alice advised. "We'll try to help if we can. Gosh, I just HATE not being able to 'see' what's wrong! This is ridiculous."

"Tell me about it," I grumbled.

"Is this about Edward?" she asked.

"Duh," I groaned.

"What happened? Did he say something? Do something? Come on, spill, girl!" Alice could be annoying, especially when she approached the truth so unerringly. She was like an intercontinental ballistic missile honing in on its target.

It was more than a little intimidating, to tell the truth.

Before I replied, I listened downstairs and was pleased to note that we were alone in the house. There was no way I wanted the boys, Edward especially, to hear what I was going to say.

"So we walked down to that pile of boulders alongside the river," I started slowly.

"Yes," Alice encouraged, rolling her hand in a "hurry up" motion.

IF I had been human, I would have been seven shades of scarlet at this point, so chalk up another point for being a vampire and thus unable to blush. "Well, so, we, um, kissed for a while..." my voice trailed off, embarrassed.

Alice grinned widely. "And..." she suggested, wiggling her eyebrows.

I would have laughed if I hadn't been so upset.

"And after a while my throat was burning so we decided to go hunting." At least this part wasn't nearly as embarrassing. "So he carried me-"

"He carried you?" Alice interrupted. "That's soooooo romantic."

"Um, yeah," I agreed quietly, looking nervously down at my fingers in my lap.

"Come on, Bella. Trying to get information out of you is like pulling teeth," Alice grumbled as Rosalie ignored both of us, apparently engrossed in her car magazine.

"Okay, okay," I sighed. "So we found a small herd to the north, and he put me down so we could both hunt. We charged the herd, and we each took down a couple of deer and fed. But afterward..." My voice trailed off, and I wasn't sure how to express what had happened. I still couldn't believe it...

But Alice was grinning like the proverbial Cheshire Cat, and I caught Rosalie smirking briefly behind her magazine.

"Aaaah, I love being with Jazz after we hunt," Alice said dreamily.

"You wouldn't believe how many trees Emmett and I have leveled after hunting," Rosalie stated to the room at large with a smirk.

"Yes, I would," Alice retorted. "Because I know how many Jasper and I-"

I had to interrupt at this point. "So you all have felt it, too?" I asked, trying to let go of my embarrassment and assuage my burning curiosity.

"Of course," Rosalie rolled her eyes dramatically. "Why else do you think we usually hunt in mated pairs and take so long getting back to the house?"

"So what did Edward do?" Alice asked eagerly. "Come on, you can give us the scoop. We won't tease you."

"Much," muttered Rosalie in a low voice from behind her magazine, and Alice glared at her.

Once again, I would be blushing tomato-red at this point. I sighed, trying to gather enough courage to describe what had happened.

"Um, he was staring at me like I was something to eat, too. He growled really deeply and loudly, dropped the deer he had just finished drinking from, and walked toward me, like I was prey and he was going in for the kill. I was still kneeling, finishing my second deer. Edward knelt beside me, watching me swallow as I drained the deer. He looked...fascinated. But when I was done feeding, he practically tackled me without any warning. I was flat on my back in the dirt with him on top. He kissed me really hard and wildly...like he was out-of-control, and he kept mumbling stuff under his breath. I-I couldn't make out much of it, but there were _a lot_ of curse words. I've never heard him curse like that. Then he, um..." I stopped, unable to continue.

"Did he scare you?" Rosalie asked quietly, her eyes strangely gentle when she looked at me.

"Noooo," I answered slowly. "He surprised me more than scared me. I just wasn't expecting it."

"How did you react?" Rosalie continued.

"Um, I kind of froze in place, and I was too shocked to kiss him back. But he didn't notice for a while. And...and he was..." How could I say it? It was way too embarrassing.

"Aroused?" Rosalie asked gently...gently for Rosalie, anyway.

"Yeah," I admitted, not looking at either of them.

"So what did he do then?" Alice asked in a low voice.

"He...he jumped up from on top of me and started pacing around, running his hands through his hair and muttering to himself. I just sat there in the dirt and watched him; I was so confused." I swallowed hard. "Then he stopped pacing and muttering and seemed to make a decision. He quickly buried the carcasses and we walked home, but we didn't say anything."

"He didn't say _anything _to you?" Rosalie asked in a hard voice.

I shook my head sadly.

"Did I make him mad? I didn't mean to," I whispered. "Maybe...maybe I need to apologize to him."

Rosalie rose to her feet gracefully as usual, her voice terse. "You will do no such thing, Isabella Swan. Alice, fill her in on what happens to us after feeding. I am going to have quite a chat with our _darling_ brother." Her voice was thick with sarcasm.

"He took a walk with Emmett and Jasper right after we came back," I informed her.

"Well, I hope that they have straightened him out sufficiently," Rosalie growled. "If they haven't, you can bet that _**I**_ will. There's no excuse for treating you like that."

I was shocked yet again this day.

_Was Rosalie actually taking __**my**__ side? _

_**I offer my sincerest apologies for the lateness of this chapter. We started homeschooling this past week, and it always takes a few weeks to settle into our routines and to figure out how to make everything run efficiently. This year I'm teaching our three boybarians in grades 7, 10, and 12, plus I start teaching my co-op writing class for high schoolers next week along with starting a new online class on the 10th. I've also been writing a new grammar book for my job as well as rewriting and revamping old curriculum. Add to that a severe flare-up of my rheumatoid arthritis, chronic fatigue syndrome, and fibromyalgia, and it's a perfect storm of acute busy-ness. I'm just glad that the holiday weekend gave me an extra day to write as I try to return to posting on Sundays. I'm slowly getting closer! **_

_**Thanks for your patience and your kind support of my work. I truly appreciate all of your wonderful reviews; I save every one of them in a special file. **_

_**Have a wonderful week, everyone, and do take care!**_

_**Warmly,**_

_**Cassandra :D **_


	45. Chapter 43

_**Thank you for being so patient in waiting for this chapter which starts in EPOV then shifts back to BPOV. Enjoy!**_

**Chapter 43**

**Edward's POV**

Emmett and Jasper followed me out the front door which I had thrown open behind me in a fit of temper, ignoring the sound of crumbling of plaster as I strode down the porch steps.

"Esme's gonna make you fix that, bro," Emmett stated, not quite hiding his smirk. Esme rarely was angry with me, but Emmett was continuously angering her with his thoughtlessness, so my brother was pretty darn smug that it was my turn to receive a full-blown chewing-out from our mother.

I sighed._ Having Esme angry at me was really the last thing I needed right now..._

Of course I had noted Jasper's words to Isabella before we left about the girls waiting upstairs for her. _Good. Maybe Alice can explain what had happened between us in the forest. I really wanted to completely wipe the whole thing utterly from my mind; even now I was still so angry and disgusted with myself..._

"So..." Jasper's voice was quiet yet demanding. I looked back over my shoulder toward the house; we were now well-hidden from prying eyes, even with vampire sight. We had walked far enough away from the house that the girls could not hear our conversation, and Jasper was ready to make me talk.

"Can't we just talk about something else...anything else?" I begged my brothers.

While Emmett looked bewildered, Jasper spun on his heel and confronted me, his nose a bare inch from mine as he lambasted me.

"Bella doesn't deserve your burying your head in the sand... again. She was hurt and confused back there when you two came into the house, and it's your responsibility to talk to her when we get back," Jasper growled, then continued in a quieter voice. "If you don't set things straight with her, you don't deserve her."

"I don't deserve her anyway," I muttered, backing away from Jasper's stare which was setting me on edge.

"So what the hell happened?" Emmett asked, watching the both of us in confusion.

"Edward's being an ass," Jasper stated succinctly.

"That's what I'm trying NOT to be," I retorted.

"Then explain it to Isabella. She'll understand."

"There is no way that I'm going to talk about something so...so..." my voice trailed off as I struggled to find a word horrible enough for what I had done.

"Will someone PLEASE CLUE ME IN?" Emmett yelled, his patience obviously at its end.

"I don't know what happened for certain, but I have an idea," Jasper stated quietly. "Let's hear it, Edward. You'll feel much better when you get it off your chest."

"I seriously doubt that," I muttered, folding my arms in a huff.

"What? Did things get hot-and-heavy between you two?" Emmett asked.

My disgusted glance was answer enough.

Emmett slapped me on the back and congratulated me, "You sly dog! Who knew you had it in you?"

"I could handle if that were all...well, maybe," I hemmed, trying to find a way out of this conversation without one or both of my brothers getting angry enough with me to consider tearing off my arms or legs in the process.

But I had the feeling that they weren't going to let me go until I told them everything.

I looked at them warily; Emmett stood there, grinning from ear to ear, obviously amused by anything that would embarrass me to this extent. But Jasper looked angry. He, too, had folded his arms across his chest and quirked an eyebrow, waiting for me to speak.

_No, there was no way I was escaping this conversation, _I sighed wearily, somehow mentally exhausted by all that had happened this afternoon. Especially that long, silent walk home with Isabella, a silence both of us seemed terrified to interrupt.

"So how was your walk along the river?" Jasper asked, and I was surprised by the gentleness in his voice. Then I realized what he was doing: Jasper meant to cajole the story from me rather than forcing it. He was master of the "catching more flies with honey than vinegar" approach, and it usually worked.

"How long before you guys were at it?" Emmett asked, trying to appear serious, but he couldn't hide his amused thoughts. He thought that it was hilarious that I was inexperienced in physical love...despite how many times Tanya had attempted to "educate" me. But that was a topic I also wanted to avoid. Especially around Isabella...

I sighed and continued, ignoring Emmett. "We sat on the boulders and yes, we kissed. It was..." I tried to find the right word, "...nice."

"Only 'nice'? Dude, you weren't doing it right if it was only 'nice'!" Emmett exclaimed, horrified.

"I think Edward was trying to be a gentleman and not 'kiss and tell,'" Jasper interjected wryly.

"Thank you," I nodded to Jasper, grateful for his understanding.

"Even 'gentlemen' have sex, Dude," Emmett reminded me crassly.

"That may be so, but they definitely do not discuss it with other men afterward," I retorted.

"So you and Bella..." Emmett made a disgusting gesture with his fingers; Jasper slapped Emmett's hands away in irritation.

"No, we most certainly did not!" I exclaimed defensively while Jasper bopped Emmett on the head, shaki his head in exasperation.

"And you wonder why we don't want to talk to you about sex, Emmett," muttered Jasper. "You're worse than a hormonal human teenager."

Emmett made a flamboyant mock bow at Jasper's "compliment," but Jasper noted his hurt beneath the mockery. I caught Jasper's thoughts as he considered how best to approach Emmett's injured feelings. Emmett really did want us to confide in him, but his rude gestures, crass words, and flippant attitude certainly didn't make baring one's soul easy.

Deciding to speak one-on-one with Emmett later, Jasper turned to me. "So what's the problem, Edward?"

Understanding dawned on Emmett's face at this point. "Is Bella afraid of being intimate with you after all she went through with the dog?" he asked, and the gentleness and respect in his voice surprised me.

As did his question.

_Damn, I didn't even think of THAT. What kind of a horrible mate am I to practically attack the poor girl, then apparently frighten her out of her wits as well? She had been nearly raped by that animal, and here I was, treating her in the same way..._

"I should be drawn, quartered, and burned to ash," I muttered, beginning to pace frantically, my hands yanking through my hair.

"You're gonna make yourself bald there, Dude," Emmett advised. "What's Bella going to hang onto when she..."

"Do NOT even go there," I hissed, and Jasper slapped Emmett on the back of the head in irritation.

"What?" Emmett asked innocently, but Jazz and I knew better.

Jasper leveled his gaze on me then demanded quietly, "Tell us what happened, Edward. We may be able to help."

My pacing continued as I growled, "You can't help. No one can help. I've ruined everything. Damn, I am a monster. How could she even walk home next to me? She must have been terrified..." I fell to my knees, my grief and anger at my actions robbing me of what strength I had.

_This was it. I had lost her before I ever had the chance to win her. I would have nothing now...my existence would be empty, meaningless, utterly futile without her. And it was completely my fault. How could I do such a heinous thing to an innocent girl, much less to one who had been brutally attacked in the recent past? _

"You are an idiot, Edward Cullen." Rosalie's voice shocked me; I had been so wrapped up in my turmoil that I hadn't heard her mind or her footsteps approaching us.

_ "_I am far worse than that," I groaned.

_ "_What the hell did you do?" Emmett asked, completely serious for once.

_ "_Edward, I think you're blowing this incident way out of proportion," Jasperstated calmly. "Bella wasn't frightened in the least when you two entered the house tonight. She was confused and upset with herself, but she certainly wasn't panicked or scared."

I looked up at Jasper, my mouth agape with shock. "Isabella was 'upset with herself'? Why in the world-"

"Because she's a good person who happens to be in love with a complete imbecile and freaking drama queen," Rosalie interrupted smoothly, staring at me with a wooden expression. "She actually wanted to apologize to _you_."

"To me?" I was gobsmacked by Rosalie's statement. "If anyone is to apologize tonight, it should be me."

"That's what I told her," Rosalie stated smugly. "And, by the way, Alice and I explained what happens when we hunt with our mates to Bella. She understands now."

Comprehension also dawned on Jasper's and Emmett's faces with Rosalie's words.

"That's all that happened?" Emmett asked, aghast. "All this fucking drama is over you getting it on after feeding?"

"While feeding," I corrected self-consciously. I wasn't sure if I wanted to thank Rosalie for explaining the mate connection to Isabella or if I wanted to kick her behind into the next county for interfering.

"The next time something happens to surprise or upset you, Edward, will you please just TALK to the girl? She's been beating herself up ever since you two got home," Rosalie said irritably.

"This one has been tearing his pretty hair out," Emmett told her, indicating me with a nod.

Relief was beginning to fill me. _Isabella understood. She wanted to apologize to me? I needed to talk to her._

I turned my back on my three siblings and started to run back to the house, ignoring their amused laughter.

I could handle their ridicule if only Isabella would talk to me.

**Bella's Point of View**

I sat on the freshly repaired steps of the Cullens' porch. Only vampire eyes could see the joins where the new planks were attached to the old, the new windows had been installed, the new walls erected, etc., after the recent wolf attack.

Alice had told me to wait here on the porch, so I assumed that Edward would return soon.

And I couldn't wait to talk with him.

The poor guy! I felt so sorry for him. Alice and Rosalie had set me straight about the vampire "connection" between feeding and sex—how _stimulating _the act of feeding together is, and how often this depth of sensual connection led to unbridled and uninhibited coupling.

_If I were still human, I would be blushing fourteen shades of scarlet right now, just thinking about Edward's eyes alone—his beautiful, feral, intense eyes roaming my body..._

_ Okay I need a fan...a cold shower...**something**. **Anything**._

And just as his body had responded to mine, mine had reacted to his as well.

_I was going to have to invest in more panties if Edward and I make a habit of hunting together..._

I couldn't help grinning slyly to myself despite my embarrassment.

But what was Edward going through? Knowing him, he was frustrated...and probably castigating himself for supposedly "scaring" me.

Rosalie had explained that Edward was most likely afraid that I would react negatively to any sexual advance because of what I had been through with Jacob.

So his silence on the way home and his venting his frustration with himself on Esme's door and wall (I would NOT want to be him when Esme sees _that_!) was understandable, if not totally blown out of proportion.

Edward had a tendency to do that, after all. I had laughed a little when Rosalie called him a "drama king" during our discussion upstairs, yet I also understood his rather exaggerated reactions, thanks again to Alice's patient explanations.

Here he was, over a century old, and love had finally found him...finally found us. And with the way his time and culture had repressed all things sexual, Edward was in completely new territory.

I would have to reach out, help him to communicate, and be patient. He loved me, and I realized from my own sadness during our silent walk home that I was well on my way to loving him as well.

A faint rustling combined with a familiar cadence of footfalls signaled Edward's return through the nearby forest. He was walking very slowly for a vampire...what I would have termed a "stroll" at human speed. The poor guy must be dreading the idea of facing me...

I waited quietly, not moving from my seat on the porch steps until he appeared on the forest path leading to the meadow in front of the house. Head down, fists balled in pants pockets, Edward was a picture of tense and ashamed thoughtfulness.

Another pulse of sympathy raced through me; he was obviously tying himself in proverbial knots over what had happened today...and, knowing him, he was most likely still angry at himself for every supposed misdeed since our eyes first met at Forks High.

So deeply engrossed in his thoughts, Edward had not yet noticed me sitting on the porch. I watched him run a hand through his tousled hair, a sure sign of turmoil.

It was time to put the poor guy out of his misery.

"Edward?" I asked softly.

Stopping in his tracks about fifty feet from me, Edward's head shot up, his eyes meeting mine, and I almost groaned when I saw the conflicting emotions in their golden depths: fear, self-loathing, excitement, yearning, passion, confusion, frustration, and a few more I didn't catch.

"Bella?" he asked nervously, obviously caught off-guard.

I patted the porch step beside me. "Could we talk, please?" I asked with a small smile.

Running his hand through his hair again, he searched my eyes, and, seemingly satisfied, strode toward the house and seated himself about a foot away from me on the same wide porch step.

Glancing at him curiously for sitting so far away from me, I was overwhelmed by the depth of emotion in his eyes, the love and desire that Alice and Rosalie had assured me that Edward possessed for me.

I think my jaw was agape...again.

Edward was always doing this to me: overwhelming me with his beauty, grace, bravery, and now with his love for me.

So I allowed my feelings to show in my expression as well.

Our glance remained connected as if magnetized; neither of us could possibly look away from the emotions we saw in the eyes of our beloved one.

It took the return of Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper to bring our gazing marathon to an abrupt end. Both Edward and I tried to ignore the smug grins and barely-concealed laughter as our siblings strolled up the stairs between us and into the house.

Edward cringed as the front door closed behind them; he looked as if he would gladly hide anywhere else for the next decade. If he were able to turn scarlet, I think he could have given me a run for my money in the blushing department...

"I don't want to know what they're thinking, do I? I asked softly.

Edward shook his head ruefully. "Definitely not," he agreed with an embarrassed smile.

I tilted my head slightly in curiosity. "Can you tell me what you are thinking?" I asked in a whisper.

Sighing, he rubbed a hand against the back of his neck, then shrugged.

_This was going to be like pulling teeth..._

"Alice and Rosalie shared with me what happens when vampires feed together," I started tentatively.

Edward fidgeted on the step, his elbows on his knees, his eyes lowered to his loosely clasped hands.

But he said nothing.

He wouldn't even look at me.

_Edward was not making this awkward situation any easier..._

Frustrated, I growled low in my throat, and Edward's head bobbed up immediately; his eyes met mine again, curious, sparkling with powerful emotion, and darkening to a deep topaz despite feeding today.

"Do you want to stop feeding together?" he asked quietly, hopelessness quashing the gleam of fire from his eyes.

Surprised and a little shocked, I asked tersely, "Why would I want to do that?"

"Because I obviously cannot control my..._baser proclivities_," he admitted, his eyes sorrowful. "The last thing I want to do is subject you to anything that reminds you of...what happened...with _him_..."

I sat back, stunned. And a little angry. Edward seemed to think he knew what I thought and felt, but he couldn't be farther from the truth. If only he had talked with me instead of assuming the worst...

I moved directly in front of Edward, kneeling between his feet yet not touching him. "Please do not assume that you know what I'm thinking, Edward Cullen," I stated acerbically. "You may be accustomed to reading everyone else's minds, but right now your track record with reading my thoughts is rather abysmal."

I smiled a little, and Edward sighed softly in relief as I continued. "I can tell you now that Jacob Black is the last person on my mind when I am in your presence; in fact, if anything, your presence makes me forget everything Jacob has done to me...forget everything I've experienced in my rather sad human life...even forget my own name..." I allowed my voice to trail off suggestively, glorying in Edward's answering smile.

The expression in his eyes was peaceful now...content...even happy; his golden eyes shone tenderly.

"If only you had spoken to me," I whispered. "I thought that you could read my mind when we touch."

He shook his head sadly. "I saw your memories when they came back to you, but that's all I've seen." His expression became thoughtful as he continued. "Unfortunately, I think that my reading your mind only occurred in that moment of high emotion, and I don't know if it will happen again. Perhaps Eleazar will know."

I frowned. "Who is Eleazar?"

"He is part of another family of 'vegetarian' vampires who live in Alaska, near Denali. I believe that Carlisle is planning to ask him and the rest of the family to come down to meet you, and then we can discuss your talents with him."

"Is he some kind of vampire expert or something?" I asked.

"His gifting is in reading and understanding the talents of other immortals," Edward replied. "He was of great use to the Romanians and other large covens who strove for power against one another. But once he found his mate, Carmen, he retired from official consultations; he'd much rather dwell in peace than deal with the constant struggle of vampire covens for power and supremacy."

"I think I'll like him," I smiled, appreciating the romance of Eleazar and Carmen's story. Then more seriously, I asked, "How many vampires will come with him?"

Edward shrugged. "The Denali family is rather large. While most covens are two, occasionally three vampires at most, there are five of them. Eleazar and his Carmen joined three sisters: Kate, Irina, and Tanya."

I froze at the final name, and Edward's hands were on my shoulders as I grasped his knees to steady myself.

"Isn't Tanya the one Emmett mentioned and you...reacted to her name. Strongly," I said quietly through numb lips.

Edward pulled me against his chest, and of their own accord, my arms reached around his waist. I felt calmer in his arms, especially when he pressed a kiss to the top of my head.

"Tanya," he started slowly, "has been interested in me for a long while, but I have never returned her attentions. Being the only man-human or vampire-to rebuff her, I became a challenge to Tanya. She doesn't want me for myself; she only wants to win the 'game.'"

"Will she be coming with Eleazar?"

Edward shrugged. "I don't know. Once Carlisle calls and Eleazar decides whether to come, then Alice will probably see who will be attending." He laughed quietly, but without humor. "It will depend on how bored Tanya and her sisters are as to whether they'll come along...if they're not reeling in prey, that is."

"Prey?" I asked. "I thought you said-"

"They respect human life," Edward interrupted, his voice wry. "Perhaps too much so..."

I pulled back a little in his arms, raising a questioning eyebrow, and Edward threw back his head, laughing beautifully; a symphony of silver church bells couldn't match the loveliness of Edward's unbridled laughter.

"You're so adorable when you quirk your brow at me like that," he chuckled, pulling me close for another embrace

"What do you mean, 'perhaps too much so'?" I asked, pulling away again and folding my arms over my chest.

Edward looked away uncomfortably. His recent humor had vanished; now he reminded me of a schoolboy who didn't want to confess to his mother that he just threw a baseball through a neighbor's window.

"Come on, what's their story?" I persisted, feeling a little concerned about Tanya and her sisters. Perhaps if our relationship (or whatever this was) wasn't so new, I would feel more confident, but right now Edward was scaring me a bit.

Clearing his throat awkwardly, Edward started to speak in a rush, explaining the sisters' proclivities all in one breath.

"Tanya, Irina, and Kate love humans...human _males_, that is. And when I say 'love,' I don't mean that they fall in love with them. I mean that they...um, _physically love_ them. A lot of them. We call vampire women who have sexual relations with men _succubi, _and the Denali sisters have been 'loving' human men for centuries. So..." he paused to finally take a breath, "that's what I meant."

"You've got to be kidding," I gasped, more shocked than I thought I would be.

"I wish," he groaned, burying his face in his hands.

"Why do you wish I were kidding?" I asked, grasping his wrists. I was more curious about his reaction than I was about the three gorgeous vampire women who lured human men to their beds apparently coming for a visit.

Edward sighed, rubbing his eyes with his hands as if to erase certain images and memories.

"Aaaaah," I whispered, cottoning on. "You've seen their thoughts. Their, um, _private_ thoughts."

"Ugh. Yes. In far too much detail," he groaned.

I laughed...he was just so adorable when he was embarrassed; I just couldn't help myself. Poor Edward. Being bombarded by such images when his human time period had been one of sexual repression must have been torture for Edward.

He huffed in annoyance, then gave a shiver as apparently more memories of their thoughts surfaced.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I shouldn't be teasing you. I'm sure that it wasn't pleasant," I said quietly, cupping his face between my palms.

His voice was soft, his eyes troubled, as he answered me. "No, it's not pleasant; it's hideous." He sighed, closing his eyes as he continued. "And Tanya is the worst. She likes to remember her most intimate moments in detail, thinking that such images will attract me to her when all it does is make me want to run in the other direction."

"I'm sorry," I repeated in the merest whisper.

Opening his eyes, his eyes met mine with warmth and tenderness. Wrapping an arm around my waist, he pulled me against his chest and kissed me briefly. "Thank you for understanding," he breathed.

Edward's touch, especially when his lips were involved, was utterly addicting. _If my heart could still beat, it would be in danger of arresting right now... _No wonder Tanya wanted him; he was magical and handsome and sexy...and totally unconscious of the fact. He was so amazing. So...

I froze in his embrace as unfamiliar feelings and images cascaded through my mind.

I felt like a schoolgirl; I had no idea about vampire relationships. After all, Rosalie and Alice had to fill me in on the whole hunting/sensuality connection tonight. Even as a vampire, I was awkward, unsure of myself, and far too innocent when compared to Tanya's vast experience with males.

_How could he ever want me?_

"What's wrong?" Edward asked quietly, tipping my chin up so that he could look into my eyes.

I shook my head, pulling away from him and getting to my feet. He could tell me more about Tanya later; I was sure that she was far more beautiful than I was, and if she had wanted Edward for so many decades, she wouldn't give up just because I was joining their family.

Edward was on his feet in a flash, grasping my wrist to turn me back to face him.

But I dropped my eyes to the porch floor, not allowing him to see what I'm sure was plain in my expression...

_Jealousy._

_ Fear._

_ Embarrassment._

_ Hopelessness._

I was most likely no match for Tanya in beauty. Here I was, an uncontrolled young vampire, someone whom Edward had to take care of instead of spending his time with someone far more worthy.

Just as Edward tipped my chin up again, Alice came dancing out onto the porch. "Isn't it lovely? The whole Denali clan is coming tomorrow evening; I just saw it. Carlisle is on the phone with Eleazar right now."

Edward growled low in his chest while I slipped from his grasp and went into the house.

Alone.

_**Thanks for your patience in waiting for this chapter. The beginning of the school year is always crazy. This past week I started teaching two classes in addition to homeschooling our three teen boys (collectively known as "the boybarians") and doing editorial assignments for work and for a few organizations. I was up until 3:00-4:00AM every night for the past week. **_

_**But I hope to return to posting each weekend now that I'm getting settled into my classes and school schedule. Thanks for understanding! **_

_**I value every lovely review I receive; I save them all in a special file on my computer to brighten my days when writing doesn't come as easily as usual. I apologize for responding to so few, but I thought you'd prefer me to spend my few spare moments writing rather than responding to your wonderful reviews and messages. But I do treasure them-thank you sooooo very much! You're all simply amazing!**_

_**Next update: next Sunday, I hope! **_

_**Thanks for reading and reviewing!**_

_**Warmly and with xxxooo,**_

_**Cassandra :) **_


	46. Chapter 44

**Chapter 44**

All too soon the Denali coven was scheduled to descend upon us. I felt a little ashamed of avoiding Edward during the 24 hours or so between Alice's vision and their arrival. I had actually stooped to hiding out with Alice and Rosalie in their bedrooms whenever I could, and when I couldn't avoid going downstairs, I made sure that I stuck close to Esme and/or Carlisle.

I was afraid to find myself alone…for fear that he would corner me and coax my secrets from me.

And there was no way I was letting _that_ happen.

Edward's too-knowing eyes alerted me to the fact that he was onto me, and I tried to stem my guilt at the sadness I saw in his amber depths. After several hours of my avoidance tactics, Edward abruptly grabbed the other males and insisted on an all-guy hunting trip.

Noting their still-golden eyes, we all knew that they didn't need to hunt, but we let them go anyway. I felt even more guilty at the thankfulness I felt as he turned away to stride down the deck steps to the wide back lawn; I tried to ignore a definite twinge in my chest as he left.

And I refused to consider what these odd feelings meant. I told myself that I was relieved to see him go, but even I had problems believing myself; Rosalie's dramatic eyeroll as she went back upstairs didn't help.

But my faux-relief was definitely short-lived. Almost the moment that the guys' backs disappeared into the trees across the river, Esme took me in hand, pulling me outside to her gorgeous flower garden.

During my stay with the Cullens, I had quickly come to realize the joy and pride that Esme took in her garden. As I stepped onto the perfectly-groomed gravel paths along the south side of the house where the weak Forks sunshine was the brightest, I couldn't help admiring the results of her efforts.

Really, the whole area was a near-perfect replica of an English country garden. When I was convalescing after my injuries, Carlisle, Emmett, or even tiny Alice often carried me here to enjoy the pale sunshine and the beauty of Esme's handiwork. Esme had proudly pointed out the types of blooms, and even though my human memories were faded and blurry, I can still recall and now identify every flower in the garden by sight and smell.

Hollyhocks reigned supreme along the fence line with the blue and violet delphiniums, larkspur, Canterbury bells, and cornflowers scattered between bursts of contrasting yellow daisies and miniature roses, orange poppies, white sweet alyssum, and other wildflowers. Queen Anne's lace and several types of lavender lined the pathways, along with rosemary, mint, thyme, and other aromatic herbs that provided the garden with a delightful scent.

In the back corner of the garden, a gazebo was surrounded by more varieties of perfectly-tended roses than I had thought possible. Old-fashioned floribundas overflowed the staid hybrid teas while formal tree roses bloomed above wilder, low-lying landscape and shrub roses, with grandifloras of mid-height scattered about, all a complete riot of pink, white, red, yellow, and even pale lavender blooms, scenting the air with their spicy sweetness.

It was here in the gazebo that I had spent hours upon hours recovering from my injuries on non-rainy afternoon, chatting quietly with Esme as she worked nearby. I would settle into the comfortable wicker furniture…sometimes the cushioned wicker rocker, other times the well-pillowed sofa, the dark evergreen and purple floral patterns of the pillows seeming right at home in the natural redwood gazebo. I had enjoyed the hanging baskets of flowers that Esme nurtured along the eaves of the little octagonal gazebo: delicate bleeding hearts, raucous petunias, green ivy with pointed leaves. The ledge that ran around seven of the eight sides of the gazebo (the eighth side without railings to provide entrance) was covered with a variety of terra cotta pots filled with delightful blooms spilling over one another in delightful profusion.

All in all, Esme's garden was my favorite place of all in the Cullens' home and environs… except for my purple-and-white bedroom. I had asked Esme not to rebuild and refurnish the bedroom in which I had spent many hours each day recovering from my injuries; despite the loveliness of the room that I still remembered dimly, I couldn't stand the thought of being in that room again after the terror I had felt that day…that last day I had been human.

Esme had decided to convert my old room into a solarium since it was located directly off the front porch, but she had not yet started the project. For now plywood protected the demolished room, keeping the incessant rain out, and Esme often spent her evenings sketching different possibilities for the solarium. So with my room gone and what was recovered of my things moved to an impersonal guest room on the third floor, the gazebo had become my favorite spot now, and it was here that Esme led me after the men had left on their unnecessary hunt.

Seating herself amongst the pillows of the white wicker sofa, Esme tugged on my hand, wordlessly requesting me to sit beside her. For several moments, we both enjoyed the beauty of the spot this fine afternoon; the buzzing of bees hovering over the nearby wildflowers and the scent of the wisteria which climbed the south side of the gazebo were pleasant, and we breathed in the peace and loveliness of the moment.

But I knew that I had been brought here for a reason, and I was not surprised when Esme squeezed my hand gently. "Bella, may I speak candidly with you?"

I sighed, then nodded. I had a feeling that I wasn't going to like what I heard, but I also knew that things with Edward couldn't go on the way they had been.

In her soft voice, Esme quietly explained how the Denali clan was a second family to the Cullens, how they had all lived together for quite a while until their numbers began to draw undue attention from the few humans in the area. She described each member of the clan: Eleazar with his quiet strength and keen insight; gentle Carmen whose bright eyes saw into one's soul and nestled there; caustic and funny Kate; the quieter and somewhat morose Irina, and emotional, flamboyant Tanya, the leader of the coven. As Esme described each member of the Denali family, I could picture them in my head. But I couldn't quite smother the faint growl I emitted when Tanya's name came up.

Esme smiled gently but sadly. "Bella sweetheart, you are so new to this life…which is easy to forget because it feels as though you've been a member of this family for such a long time. Plus, you are wonderfully controlled for being so young (she knew how I hated being called a "newborn"—I did not take a bottle nor need diapering, thankyouverymuch!) that again it's difficult to remember that becoming like us is only a very recent development for you. However, I feel the need to ask you a favor: a favor for Carlisle, for me, and for Edward."

She certainly had my attention now; my eyes were fixed on my mother-figure…my mother now. Esme reached out to push back a rogue strand of hair behind my ear, and I felt that familiar tightness in the back of my throat that was akin to tears…or the vampire equivalent of tears. I swallowed hard, touched by her absent gesture that spoke of our relationship…of mother and daughter. I knew that I was welcomed into this family completely, even by Rosalie now, and I felt more at home here with the Cullens than I have since my mother died when I was eight years old. Although those happy days of my childhood were fuzzy and indistinct in my vampiric brain, Rosalie had encouraged me to keep trying to remember them in order to impress my old memories into my new photographic brain.

I realized that Esme was speaking to me again, so I redirected my main focus to my current mother, who had taken both of my hands in both of hers. She squeezed my hands gently, and I returned the squeeze, and we smiled at each other warmly as Esme continued.

"Yes, in the past Tanya has tried to capture Edward's attention, but all she managed to do was deepen his disgust of her wanton ways. While Tanya is very knowledgeable in the art of pleasing men in general, she has never understood Edward…not the way that you do."

I felt my eyes widen in surprise at Esme's words, and she smiled at my response. "And beyond that," she continued, still smiling sweetly, "I have never seen my son as happy as he is with you, Bella. I have worried over him for decades; Edward has always been the odd man out, the one alone while being surrounded by three perfectly mated couples, especially with his talents; he has often been morose, brooding, wrapped up in his music and his books but never truly happy. Until now. Until you, Bella."

If I had still been human, I would have been blushing terribly. Despite knowing that my face could no longer flush with embarrassment, my hands still flew to my cheeks; their coolness felt very strange when I was used to such warmth in response to any sort of praise.

Esme brushed my hands aside and replaced my hands with hers, cupping my face between her palms and smiling at me with motherly pride…a look I remembered seeing in my mother's eyes, in Sarah Black's eyes. I smiled at Esme through the tightness in my throat.

"Bella," Esme said softly, "you are one of us now, and I think you know as well as I do that you and Edward are meant for one another. You two are meant to be mates. Carlisle and I could see the connection between you and Edward even when you were human, despite both of you fighting against it, you from disbelief, Edward from the need to keep you safe. You were human; he is a vampire, plus you were his singer as well. From the beginning, your relationship was volatile and dangerous.

"But you are one of us, and now no barrier exists to your mutual happiness. And nothing would make Carlisle and me happier than seeing both of you together and happy as well." Her hands still on my face, she pulled me forward to press her lips to my forehead before folding me into her arms. Slowly I wrapped my arms around her waist, and we sat there on the sofa in the gazebo, hugging each other close. I drew strength from Esme's motherly embrace, and I was surprised to find myself sobbing tearlessly against her chest, mostly from sheer relief.

I had family now…

I was family.

And I was his.

I quieted after a few moments, then pulled back, feeling embarrassed by my display of emotion.

"I'm so sorry, Esme," I said softly. "I don't know what's come over me. My emotions are here one minute and there the next, and I can't keep up with how I'm feeling." I laughed ruefully, definitely embarrassed by the bizarre emotions coursing through me.

"It's all part of being young to this life," spoke a quiet voice from the doorway of the gazebo. Esme's joyous smile confirmed Carlisle's presence; I was surprised that I hadn't heard his approach, but then I'd been a sobbing mess at that moment.

"I don't like feeling so out-of-control," I growled as Carlisle joined us on the sofa, seating himself on the other side of me.

"Really, Isabella, you are remarkably controlled for only being a few days old. I am so proud of you, my dear." Carlisle put his arm around my shoulders in a half-hug, and I leaned my head on his shoulder, enjoying the peace flowing through me in this moment.

For once I felt safe, happy, and at home. For now I was truly home. I had parents to care for me; siblings to tease me and from whom I could learn, and…

Edward.

Edward…my _mate_.

Just as I nestled into the thought of Edward, still feeling some uncertainty and confusion regarding him yet also feeling something amazing, warm, and joyous, the focus of my thoughts appeared, leaning against the entrance to the gazebo, his eyes soft as he looked on the family tableau: Carlisle with his arm around my shoulders, my head resting on his shoulder, Esme holding my hand while half-hugging me from the other side, all three of us awash in deep emotion.

"I hate to disturb you, but the Denalis are nearly here; I just heard their thoughts a moment ago," Edward said quietly. His eyes were now focused on me, and if I were human, I would be blushing bright scarlet at his pointed attention.

Chalk up one of the best perks of becoming a vampire: no blushing.

Carlisle nodded in response to Edward's words, and we got to our feet. Esme gave me a full hug, holding me close and whispering in my ear, "You have a family now, Bella, and you always will. We love you, sweetheart." Pressing a kiss to my cheek, she let me go, smiling warmly; if she had been human, I think she would have been teary. I know that I would have been.

I turned away and found myself in Carlisle's arms; he hugged me also for a long moment, then kissed my forehead before pulling back to look me straight in the eye. "You are our daughter, Isabella. We love you, and we're very proud of you. You are a Cullen through and through, my dear."

Esme and Carlisle hooked arms around the others' waists and led the way to the house, leaving Edward and me to follow them. But I stood there, absorbing the emotion in his light topaz eyes which overflowed with surprise, pride, and love. His gentle smile simply melted me. Again I saw the tell-tale signs in his eyes of the vampire equivalent of human tears.

I hated myself for avoiding this man, this _good_ man, who obviously loved me, even adored me. His eyes spoke this truth even more clearly than his words could have; his soul spoke to mine, and mine responded. A new warmth rose in my chest as our gazes burned into each other's minds, hearts, and souls. His smile gradually became exultant, and he slowly opened his arms in invitation

Was I ever grateful for vampire speed as I flew into his embrace, wrapping my arms around his neck and pressing my lips to his. Apparently in shock, Edward remained perfectly still for a split second, then with a groan he kissed me back, his lips hungrily taking mine. His tongue moved against my closed lips, and I opened to him as he deepened the kiss.

_Wesley and Buttercup had nothing on this kiss. _

I almost laughed to myself at my errant thought, and then I sobered immediately as I remembered watching _The Princess Bride_ over and over with Jacob as we grew up. It had been my favorite movie, and Jacob had sneaked me out of my room while Billy was away at council meetings, and he had played the movie for me almost every week. But I pushed away the anger that accompanied the memory, forcing myself to only remember the sweet boy who was a brother to me, not the animal that he had become in recent months.

Edward shifted, pulling me more snugly against his chest, and all thoughts except those centered upon him fled my spacious mind as our lips molded together, tongues tangling, our breathing heavy even though we didn't need the air. My fingers dug deeply into the hair at the nape of his neck while his hands ran soothingly up and down my back, pressing me against his firm chest. This was no chaste kiss; this was wildfire, consuming us in a blaze of passion until I didn't know where I ended and he began.

It was sublime. It was bliss.

That is, until we heard a throat clearing not so subtly on the garden path leading to the gazebo where we were sheltered.

Neither Edward nor I broke our kiss at the sound of whoever was trying to interrupt us. We ignored a few huffs of annoyance and subsequent throat clearings as well. If anything, the rude reminders only pushed our shared passion to new heights.

"Do we need a garden hose to separate you two?" growled an unfamiliar and impatient voice.

At the female voice, Edward's head came up, breaking our kiss, but ignoring the interloper, he gazed down at me tenderly, his hands gently brushing my hair back from my face. It was as if we were alone.

But I could feel animosity rolling off the woman who had dared to interrupt us, and it was taking all my effort plus the tenderness in Edward's eyes to keep me from turning to her and clawing her eyes out.

Reading the struggle in my eyes, Edward laid his hands on my forearms and spoke quietly. "Tanya, we'd like some privacy please. We'll return to the house shortly."

Of course, from the first throat-clearing (something vampires do _not_ have to do) I had known that the woman who tried to curb our make-out session was Tanya.

Edward's soothing words and touch calmed me greatly as the rapid click of high heels against gravel sped toward the house.

His eyes still fixed to mine, Edward tilted his head so that our foreheads were touching. "I am so proud of you, Isabella. Your control is incredible, love," he whispered. "If I wanted to tear her head off, I can only imagine what you were considering…."

I shushed his words with my lips against his as we joined in a sweet, sweet kiss that caused Edward to groan softly. I pressed myself against his body with enthusiasm, but he broke the kiss a moment later.

"We need to return to the house, love," Edward said, his voice rough. I looked at him questioningly, and his eyes burned into mine. "Not only because the Denalis are waiting for us, but also because if we don't stop now, I will be taking you on that sofa," he nodded toward the fragile wicker furniture. "I doubt Esme would be pleased if we destroyed her lovely furniture arrangement out here…or the gazebo as a whole." He smiled tightly, and I nodded reluctantly in agreement.

His arm around my shoulder, mine around his waist, we strolled back toward the house…and I didn't notice the beauty of a single flower on our way. All my attention was focused on the amazing man beside me.

The man who loves me.

_**Thank you for your patience in waiting for this chapter. Between getting a new laptop and having to transfer files and upload everything and my online class discussion of **_**Jane Eyre**_**, my favorite novel, I've been sooooo freaking busy! I worked all night Friday until 6:00 AM Saturday morning, finishing up the responses to my students' discussions of the novel, and I don't think I made it to bed before 3:00 AM over the last two weeks! It's been wild! **_

_**But that class is over, and I don't start online teaching again until October 8, and it's the MLA Research Essay, so until the final papers come in, I shouldn't be too busy. I'll still be working 20 hours/week doing other stuff for work, like putting together a grammar book, writing schedules for subscriptions, etc., but no more all-nighters. And then homeschooling our three boys (grades 7, 10, and 12) and teaching the expository writing class for high schoolers at our co-op Class Days. But I hope to have time to get you a chapter a week, at least until mid-November when I'll be teaching two online classes at once, the end of the MLA Essay and a discussion class on **_**A Tree Grows in Brooklyn**_** (which I also need to read this week)**_**.**

_**I hope that you enjoy this chapter, and I apologize for not having time to respond to your wonderful reviews. I read them all, and you encourage me sooooo much! I wouldn't be writing without your lovely support, so THANK YOU!**_

_**With much love,**_

_**Cassandra **_____

_**xxxooo**___


	47. Chapter 45

**Chapter 45**

As Edward and I approached the house, I had a sudden attack of shyness. While part of me wanted to hide my face in Edward's chest and never leave his embrace again, the other part of me wanted to distance myself from him a little; I wasn't sure why. I just had a bad feeling about this meeting. Tanya's impolite presence put me on edge, and I felt distinctly uncomfortable.

Trying to be casual, I dropped my arm from around Edward's waist and pulled away slightly. I tried to ignore the confused look he shot at me before he, too, dropped his arm from around me, but he captured my hand in his just as we reached the back door, turning me to face him.

"Are you all right?" he asked, tipping my chin up with his hand and examining my expression.

Looking away, I shrugged. "Sure. Why wouldn't I be?" I asked, trying to keep my voice steady as I twisted my hand from his and stepped toward the back door.

Ever the gentlemen, Edward opened the door for me and led me through the kitchen into the now-crowded living room as five unfamiliar vampires milled about the large room, chatting with various members of the Cullen family. Sensing my trepidation, Edward took my hand again, and this time I let him; I needed his support as I faced these strangers.

"Ah, Isabella," Carlisle greeted me, a thread of enthusiasm in his usually quiet, gentle voice. "We'd like you to meet our 'cousins' from Denali, Alaska."

I took a deep breath to calm myself, and Edward, ever vigilant, noted my stress and gave my hand a reassuring squeeze. I stepped a little closer to Edward, and he dropped my hand to place a comforting arm around my shoulders and pull me against his side. I took another deep breath, and the strength of Edward's scent calmed me to the point that I could venture small smiles of welcome as Carlisle prepared to introduce me to the "cousins."

The five vampires were very much as Esme had described them. Despite the normal paleness of our kind, both Eleazar and Carmen appeared to have had olive complexions in their human lives; their skin had a slightly warmer cast than the rest of us. Carmen was gracious and affectionate as she leaned in to embrace me, her smile genuine and welcoming. Yet Eleazar, despite his warm response to Carlisle's introduction, sized me up with a penetrating stare. I felt Edward stiffen at my side and give a low warning hiss; apparently he didn't care for Eleazar's thoughts for some reason. But Eleazar refused to back down in his assessment of me. In fact, when Carlisle led us past the couple to the three sisters, I felt Eleazar's eyes continue to follow me, as if he were trying to figure out a very challenging (and perhaps frustrating) puzzle.

I felt like a science experiment gone wrong.

Of the three Denali sisters, Carlisle introduced me to Irina first. While all three were lovely with their blonde tresses, amber eyes, and supermodel figures, Irina seemed moody, almost morose. She nodded at me without smiling, and I sensed wariness in her eyes, perhaps even judgment…as if I had failed some sort of test. I glanced down, embarrassed, and Edward's arm around my shoulders hugged me affectionately to his side as I felt rather than heard a subtle growl reverberate in Edward's chest at her cool reception. Perhaps her thoughts offered the reason for her apparent dislike; whatever the reason, Edward's displeasure with Irina was clear.

Fortunately, Kate's greeting was warmer; her eyes were sharp and alight with sarcastic humor. I sighed in relief at her somewhat expected reaction to me. I had the feeling I was going to like Kate the best of the three sisters, and I relaxed a little…as did Edward whose pale amber eyes had darkened with suspicion after our encounters with Eleazar and Irina. Kate rolled her eyes in response to his frustrated glance over his shoulder at Eleazar whose eyes had not left me; I smiled briefly as she and Edward shared a moment of camaraderie.

Of course, one was forced to admit that Tanya was the loveliest of the five vampires. Yet she regarded me with cold eyes and a false smile which barely masked her antipathy toward me. But the moment her eyes shifted to Edward's face, she was all flirtatious smiles and warm, beckoning glances. I stiffened at her lack of subtlety as Edward greeted her with a smile that seemed only slightly strained. The small circles his fingers massaged into my shoulder did little to comfort me.

I had to admit that vampires were indeed more volatile and possessive than humans; I sensed the strength of emotions in the room, and of course, I was well-aware of my own possessive feelings toward Edward, especially as Carlisle, his brow furrowed with worry at the strange reactions of the Denali family to me, finished introducing me to Tanya.

After Carlisle completed his introductions, Tanya continued to stare (or, more accurately, glare) at me as if she were completely confused by Edward's attraction to me. But seemingly out of respect for Carlisle, she attempted to restrain herself from asking outright about our relationship.

"How lovely it is to see all of the Cullens paired up at last," said Kate, shifting her amused gaze to Tanya. "It gives the rest of us hope for the future, does it not?"

Eleazar shot Kate a warning glance as she needled her sister, but Kate just smirked as Tanya sent her a filthy look.

As Tanya, the leader of the coven, did not seem to be keeping up the pleasantries as would apparently be the norm in such a situation, Eleazar stepped in to do the honors in her place. "It's truly wonderful to see you all again," he said quietly, then continued, "and to see that you've added a new family member."

"Yes," Carlisle agreed politely, "Isabella is indeed a treasured member of our family." His tone, though, was one of warning, and his eyes darted to Tanya and Irina before focusing on Eleazar for a beat longer than necessary.

I loved Carlisle more than ever in that moment; with a few polite words, he had made my position within the Cullen family perfectly clear. I relaxed slightly against Edward, and he pressed a kiss onto the top of my head.

"But of course, you realize that in changing a human and expanding your already large family, you have or soon will come under additional scrutiny by those in power," warned Eleazar, his eyes still focused on me.

His continued assessment was making me uncomfortable, even nervous. I wanted to hide my face against Edward but didn't want to increase the stress in the room.

Then Eleazar's words registered on me, and I froze in panic. Could my becoming a vampire endanger the Cullens in some way?

"We had no choice, Eleazar," Edward spoke up at last, breaking the awkward silence that had followed Eleazar's announcement. "Isabella would have died if we had not changed her; in fact, it took great effort to preserve her life as it was."

"Yes, it was a close call," agreed Carlisle quietly.

"The problem comes not just from the Romanians," Eleazar said. "With Isabella's substantial gifts, you will most likely draw nomads looking for a challenge into this area."

"What do you mean?" asked Esme, her eyes large.

"There have been rumors, Carlisle," Eleazar said flatly. "We all know how eternity can weigh heavily upon us immortals and boredom can easily become our worst enemy. But when a coven of talented vampires adds a new member, and a very talented member at that, there are those who will track you down just for the opportunity to challenge you."

"Just for fun?" Esme breathed.

"Exactly," Eleazar confirmed grimly.

"Who are the Romanians?" I asked in a whisper, barely noticing that my fingers were clutching Edward's shirt as he wrapped both arms around me, trying to calm my growing panic.

"Vladimir and Stefan. Brothers. The most powerful vampires on the face of the earth and the peacekeepers of the vampire world. Our one rule is, of course, keep the secret. Vampires who endanger us all by living in such a way as to draw undue attention—as you all may be doing with this new addition—will be dealt with by the Romanians." Eleazar paused, then added for my benefit, "And they are not known to be merciful."

"When you say 'dealt with'…" I began, but the answer was all too obvious in the expressions of fear on the faces of our family.

"Dealt with" apparently meant…destruction.

Death.

As I leaned my forehead against Edward's chest, trying to quell the feeling that my life was spinning horribly out of control, Tanya spoke up. I could trace a slight Slavic or Russian accent in her words, much more pronounced than Kate's. "You have done a foolish and dangerous thing, Carlisle," she hissed. "And because of the ties between our families, you are putting us in danger as well as yourselves. We will be honor-bound to defend your family now as covens flock here to test their mettle against you and yours. You should have thought out the repercussions of your actions before making such a foolhardy decision." But while her tongue lashed Carlisle, her eyes were focused on Edward.

"I was the one who changed her, Tanya," Edward stated, his voice taut. "So please address your criticism regarding the decision to change Isabella to me, not to Carlisle."

Tanya looked surprised. "_You_ changed her?"

Edward nodded grimly, his eyes hard. I don't know what he was reading from her mind, but it must not be very pleasant. Again I felt him stiffen against my side; as I slipped my arm around his waist, he relaxed slightly at my touch.

But Edward's eyes remained fixed on Tanya as hers remained focused on his as they continued their conversation wordlessly, he reading her thoughts and responding subtly via nods and facial expressions.

Edward and Tanya seemed quite accustomed to this mode of communication, and I didn't like it.

Not at all.

Eleazar interrupted Tanya and Edward's silent conversation (or argument) at this point. "Well, let's consider your options."

Carlisle nodded at him to continue.

"Firstly, Edward and Isabella could separate themselves from the rest of you and live on their own; that choice would reduce the power your family has gathered by separating two of your most gifted members from the rest of the family."

"Out of the question," Carlisle responded flatly, his eyes snapping. "Our family remains together." The grim smiles and nods from all the Cullens, even Rosalie, agreed wholeheartedly with Carlisle…which warmed my heart.

"Of course," Eleazar acquiesced, with a nod of understanding.

"Or just Isabella could leave," Tanya suggested. "Then _our_ family would be just like it was before she screwed it all up for us." Her flirtatious smile at Edward evoked a dramatic eyeroll from him, with Rosalie, Alice, and Esme following suit.

Of course I noticed her not-so-delicate emphasis on "our," as if I did not belong to the Cullen/Denali family at all.

Carlisle frowned at Tanya as he stated slowly, as if speaking to a recalcitrant child, "Tanya, Isabella is a member of our family by choice and by venom which makes her more closely associated to us than you yourself are. I request that you treat her as such," he finished firmly.

Tanya merely shot Carlisle a glare, but Edward froze in place for a moment, his eyes narrowing at Tanya in extreme annoyance. He pulled me close, pressing a kiss to the top of my head, then let me go, moving swiftly toward Tanya, grabbing her wrist, and dragging her unceremoniously from the room.

"Time for a chat," he said grimly over his shoulder to us as he pulled her outside into the backyard.

"You tell her, Edward!" cheered Emmett, but the rest of us shifted uncomfortably. Obviously this meeting between old friends who considered themselves as close as family was not going as planned.

And the fault seemed to be mine.

After an extremely awkward silence, Carlisle broke the quiet and turned toward Eleazar. "You said that Isabella is talented? As this is your area of expertise, Eleazar, we'd love to learn more about your theories. If Isabella is indeed gifted, we need to know how we can help her develop this talent."

Seeming relieved at the change of topic, Eleazar nodded, then turned to me. "Carlisle told me that Edward has never been able to read your mind, even when you were human?"

I nodded, but then remembered the one exception: when my human memories had come flooding back after my temporary amnesia, Edward had seen those memories with me although he hasn't been able to read my mind since. I quietly informed Eleazar of what had happened with Edward, and then Carlisle filled him in about Jasper and Alice's gifts working while I was human but not since my change to a vampire.

During this conversation, I was trying to ignore the low hum of conversation between Tanya and Edward in the backyard. I wanted to give him privacy to talk over his change in status from "available" to "taken," but part of me wondered how he could possibly refuse her.

After all, with her wide, up-tilted amber eyes, her strawberry-blond curls that reached to her waist, her perfect face and lush body, Tanya was absolutely stunning. She was far more beautiful than I, plus she and Edward had a history…a confusing and strange history, yes, but a history all the same.

And she wanted him. Only a simpleton could ignore her obvious yearning for Edward. He may think that she continued the chase merely because she loved a challenge, but I recognized a true longing in those beautiful amber eyes, so unlike my blazing scarlet ones. As I knew all too well, I was a monster still, so new to this life and so uncontrolled; it would take a great deal of effort to train me to be a good vampire, to not hurt people, and to develop this so-called "gift."

I was not worth the effort.

Plus, Eleazar and Tanya had informed us that my "gift" could very well endanger the Cullen family—the family whom I loved. How could I possibly avoid putting them in danger from those European vampires as well as those who would wish to try their mettle against seemingly impossible odds?

There was one way and one way only, but I shuddered to think of it…to think of leaving them, especially given how my feelings for Edward had deepened so remarkably.

But if I brought danger and trouble to this family's doorstep, danger to Alice, to Emmett and Rosalie, to Esme and Carlisle, to …_Edward_, how could I refuse to consider protecting them by leaving?

Closing my eyes, I wished to heaven that I did not have this "gift" that Eleazar and Carlisle continued discussing so calmly while I let my spacious mind wander.

"Isabella? Isabella?" Carlisle's voice pulled me out of my unhappy thoughts.

"Yes?" I asked quietly.

"Eleazar thinks that he can help you develop your shield into a defensive weapon at least. What do you think?" Carlisle's eyes were sparkling with enthusiasm; he was always eager to add new information to his vast store of learning, and my training might provide just that.

But at this point, with Edward outside the house and involved in his discussion with Tanya, I really couldn't care less about possible training. "Sure, whatever," I mumbled.

Carlisle looked at me with concern, then glanced at Esme who sat tense and angry on the sofa; he seemed surprised by the barely-restrained fury he saw on the face of every member of his family except for my face and his own. Even Carmen appeared unusually angered by the situation.

Before Carlisle could ask, the back door flew open, ripped violently off its hinges. Tanya strode into the house, her tight-lipped expression a combination of fury and embarrassment.

"I'm leaving. And I demand that the remainder of this coven accompany me back to Alaska," she said tersely. Without another word, she flashed to the front door, wrenched it open and off its hinges as well, and sped across the meadow, disappearing into the forest.

We all stood there in silence, positively gobsmacked by Tanya's words and actions. A few moments later, Edward walked in slowly, rubbing the back of his neck with his palm and looking extremely uncomfortable.

"What did you say to Tanya, Edward?" Carlisle asked quietly.

Edward stood next to me but didn't touch me or glance at me as he turned to Carlisle. "I had to tell her, in no uncertain terms, that whatever Tanya imagined was between us was over. Obviously she didn't take it well." His voice was cold and detached, as if he had just completed a particularly distasteful task.

I peered down at my shoes, torn and confused by Edward's words and tone. While his words should have thrilled me, his refusal to acknowledge me caused a chill settle into my silent heart.

"You have used my sister, Edward," Irina accused, her eyes narrowed in malice. "You have always led her to believe that you cared. I wouldn't have believed this of you."

Edward recoiled as if Irina had slapped him; he did not respond to her but looked down at the floor, refusing to meet anyone's eyes. Mine especially.

Then Irina spun to face Carlisle. "What are you going to do about this…situation?" she spat.

Carlisle looked shocked and confused for a moment, and Irina took advantage of his bemused silence. "Well, it seems that you have a choice to make, Carlisle Cullen. Either you rid our family of this interloper," I gasped softly at the malicious glare she directed at me, "or you consider our family estranged from you…permanently."

In a flash, Esme was at my side, hugging me to her; I buried my face in her shoulder and tried to let her motherly comfort fill me. But I just felt so cold, so removed from this messed-up situation. Once again I cursed this perfect vampire body that refused me the solace of tears.

These vampires were Carlisle's "family"; he called them that, and everyone here, Cullens and Denalis, tossed around the term freely. _Family._

They were family and had been so for years…decades. And that made me exactly what Irina called me: an "interloper."

Edward had not corrected her.

And I couldn't let Carlisle lose such a large part of his family.

Plus I couldn't allow danger to descend upon them all because of me and my supposed "gift."

They would be better off without me.

Meanwhile, Edward, in his seemingly cool indifference right now, couldn't look me, or anyone, in the eyes.

Perhaps he agreed with Tanya and Irina.

Perhaps if I left, he could chase after the lovely Tanya, catch up, and make things right with her…the way things had been before I had forced my way into their lives.

"Excuse me," I said quietly. I gently extricated myself from Esme's arms and walked to the doorway.

I looked over my shoulder at the people whom I had considered to be my family, impressing their faces into my permanent scrapbook of memories: Carlisle's and Esme's shock, Rosalie's anger, Alice's sorrow, Jasper's sympathy, Emmett's annoyance, and Edward's averted eyes…which I took for cool distance.

And I turned, ghosting through the opening in the back of the house, the mangled door on the other side of the river where Tanya had thrown it. Not allowing myself to look back, I leaped the river and raced into the forest, away from my family.

My family no longer.

_**I think I need to hide now…don't I? ;)**_

_**Vampires are such drama kings/queens! There's just no being reasonable with them! I had no plans for Bella to leave…until she left. I'll probably not be able to finish the story in 5-6 chapters now, but I'm sure you aren't complaining too loudly, right? **_

_**I actually had time to respond to your wonderful reviews this week, and I loved hearing from each and every one of you! **_

_**I saw Florence + the Machine on Thursday here in San Diego. Such a wonderful concert! My daughter is a devoted fan, so I drove (she can't drive at night) and she bought my ticket. And because I needed my wheelchair, we got **amazing** seats: the first row behind the mosh pit. So there is a bright side to being handicapped! ;) **_

_**I plan to update by next Monday at the latest. If I have time (which is a big "if" as I'm starting to teach a new writing class online today), I may slip in a short EPOV of this chapter and perhaps part of the previous chapter mid-week. We'll see. No promises. ;) **_

_**Thank you for reading—this story just reached (exactly) 1,000 reviews, and I couldn't be happier! Thank you! You're all the BEST!**_

_**Much love,**_

_**Cassandra **___

_**xxxooo**_


	48. Author's Note

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

The newest portion of _Pinned but Fluttering_ is posted in the **_Pinned but Fluttering_**** Outtakes **story. It covers part of Chapter 44 (starting with that delicious kiss!) and goes to the end of Chapter 45 when Bella leaves, and it is written in Edward's POV. (Yay! Can we say "answers"? I know that many of you were frustrated when Edward let Bella leave at the end of Chapter 45, and this looong outtake should provide answers to those questions. Or at least some explanations for his weird behavior.)

I highly recommend following the **_Pinned but Fluttering_**** Outtakes** story if you're already following _**Pinned but Fluttering**_ so that you don't miss anything. I'm trying to keep _Pinned but Fluttering _all in Bella's POV while posting alternative POV's in the **_Pinned but Fluttering_**** Outtakes** story.

This addition to the **_Pinned but Fluttering_**** Outtakes **brings the total to seven outtake chapters. I am not sure how many, if any, further outtakes I'll be posting, but you will probably want to keep track there as I hate writing author notes only without a story to accompany them.

I am also planning to complete the first drafts of the rest of _Pinned but Fluttering_ during NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month), and I plan to also complete several one-shots I've started, too. I'll keep to weekly posting, but my goal is to finish drafting all the remaining chapters during November. If anyone is doing NaNoWriMo and wants a Writing Buddy, you'll find me under **Cassandra Lowery**.

Have a lovely weekend, everyone!

Warmly,

~Cassandra :)

xxxooo


	49. Chapter 46

**Chapter 46**

**Edward's Point of View**

I was not sure for how long I remained insensible, but gradually I became aware of a gentle touch smoothing the hair back from my forehead. The gesture was inexpressibly soothing.

As conscious thought slowly returned, again very gradually, something began nagging at me. It was as if I knew something was wrong, _very_ wrong indeed, yet my mind refused to acknowledge it.

Slowly I became aware of words being spoken above and around me, but it was as if the voices spoke a foreign language. My mind was too exhausted to speculate as to which language, but in a few moments I recognized my name being softly spoken.

"Edward? Edward? Please come back to us. Please. Please…."

Esme. She was the one speaking to me and stroking my forehead.

Esme was comfort. Esme was … home.

But … _wait_.

Someone else was home, too. My true home.

Her name nudged its way into my consciousness.

_Isabella._

She was my true home.

As her name registered, every thought, memory, and emotion flooded back into my mind in a nauseating rush.

_Isabella had left. _

And the pain of her absence was excruciating.

Groaning loudly, I tried to escape the torture that the memory of Isabella's leaving brought me. The agonized sound must have alerted my family of my return to consciousness … or whatever had happened to shield me from the pain of Isabella's desertion for a short, blissful time.

"Edward? Open your eyes, son." This time it was Carlisle's voice, taut with concern, as he gave me a rare direct order.

Slowly I blinked, finally opening my eyes. The faces of my family surrounded me as I laid on one of the sofas in the living room. Esme was kneeling beside me, her hand still resting comfortingly on my forehead while Carlisle leaned over the back of the sofa to observe me closely.

The rest of the family, plus Kate, Eleazar, and Carmen, were gathered around the sofa, staring down on me as if I were a strange science experiment.

I probably was just that: a phenomenon that had never been observed: the only vampire to faint.

Almost as soon as I opened my eyes, Jasper stumbled backward, reeling into Alice who moved with him almost in tandem, supporting his weight.

"I-I can't," muttered Jasper. "It's too much. T-too much." He was holding his head in his hands as if a searing pain were splitting it in two.

_I knew exactly how he felt._

"Come, Jasper," Alice murmured. Glancing at me sorrowfully, she placed one of his arms over her shoulder and, supporting him carefully, she helped him from the room and out the back door.

"What happened?" I asked weakly, scrubbing one hand over my eyes and trying to ignore the way the walls seemed to spin as a result.

Eleazar and Carlisle exchanged significant glances. "Don't you remember, Edward?" my father asked quietly.

But the memories were too painful to scroll through; I couldn't do it. But I knew the one all-important truth though, as much as I wished it weren't so.

"She's gone," I whispered bleakly.

Esme laid her hand on my cheek, her eyes sad. "Yes," she whispered.

"And apparently your pain just now was too much for Jasper to handle," Carlisle stated, his voice soft though his eyes were pained.

At Esme's confirmation, my agony doubled in strength, strangling my breath and forcing a sob from my chest.

"Oh, sweetie," crooned my mother, stroking my cheek soothingly. "I'm so sorry. I wish—"

Interrupting rudely, Rosalie growled, "You need to get your ass off that sofa and go after her, you idiot!"

"Rose, that's quite enough," remonstrated Esme. "Can't you see he's suffering—"

"No, it's not enough," my sister interrupted again. "I'm barely getting started on him!"

But she backed down after _Carlisle_ shot her a pointed look.

My father returned his attention to me. "How are you doing, Edward?"

It was at that point that I realized what was missing … besides my Isabella. Despite feeling somewhat thankful for its disappearance, the fact that it was gone was extremely troubling … for several reasons.

_I could not read a single mind in the room. _

Closing my eyes for a moment, I gathered what little strength I could and concentrated with all my might on the silent minds around me.

Nothing.

Panicked, my eyes flashed open, and my gaze sought two sets of golden eyes, Carlisle's showing concern and Eleazar's curiosity.

If anyone would know why my gift had stopped working, it would be one of these two extraordinary vampires.

"I can't read anyone's thoughts," I whispered, watching both of their expressions for a clue as to the seriousness of this hopefully temporary lapse.

Carlisle's eyes widened in surprise, but Eleazar's gaze remained unchanged.

"I've never heard of such a thing," Carlisle stated, then turned to Eleazar. "Have you?"

Slowly Eleazar nodded. "After Edward's collapse, I was rather expecting him to be unable to access his gift."

"You speak as if his ability is still there," remarked Carlisle.

"Yes," Eleazar responded shortly. "Edward's talent is blocked by his extreme emotional turmoil resulting from the deliberate separation of mates. Mates can be apart if they know that their separation is not a result of disharmony in their relationship or has the potential to be a long or permanent parting. Even then, though, mates feel a definite discomfort in being separated, as I'm sure all of you have experienced in the past," he stated, sighing slightly as his eyes seemed far away for a moment, perhaps remembering such experiences himself.

Eleazar shook his head sadly as he continued. "However, when one mate leaves the other behind as just occurred between Bella and Edward, then the results—for both of them—can be … catastrophic."

Groaning, my worry for Isabella and for her well-being choked me. Feeling almost nauseated, my mind spun immediately to worst-case scenarios involving Isabella. Perhaps she was out there in the woods somewhere, just as torn apart as I was. Perhaps weakened, as she was likely to be, the wolf pack could locate, chase, and attack her, and she would be unable to defend herself. After all, we still were not on good terms with the pack after all that had occurred.

In no way did I fault Isabella for leaving me, and I definitely did not want her to be suffering as I was. She needed to escape the monster that was unmasked tonight, thanks to Tanya and Irina. The agony of acknowledging Isabella's reasons for leaving me only deepened my despair, and the pain became blinding in intensity once again.

Eleazar continued in a soft, almost comforting voice. "Once Bella returns, I'm sure that Edward's gift will be restored."

"Why did he collapse? I thought vampires couldn't lose consciousness," inquired Esme.

"Again, it comes back to extreme emotional turmoil. There is little that can physically harm a vampire, but emotionally it is possible under dire circumstances for our minds to simply shut down, especially in the case of mates. Sometimes it is very temporary, as in Edward's case just now; at other times, if a mate is destroyed, the 'shut down' may be permanent."

"Could it happen again?" Carlisle asked.

Eleazar's nod confirmed what I already felt I knew. I recognized that I was barely holding on at the moment. Only as I actively fought the darkness attempting to suck me into the abyss of pain was I able to retain awareness although the quality of my sight seemed to brighten or dim according to my emotions.

But knowing that Isabella had to be suffering nearly as badly as I was, plus the possibility that she could be in danger, compelled me to attempt to take action even in my weakened condition.

"I have to find her," I gasped, my hand clutching at my chest where the pain was the most excruciating. I felt as though my heart had been ripped from my body. Actually, I wouldn't have been surprised if it had been removed as the agony was so deep and so dark.

"Edward, you're not well. Stay here and rest," insisted Esme.

Everyone seemed shocked when Eleazar extended his hand, offering to help me to my feet.

Gingerly I took his proffered help, and Carlisle rounded the sofa quickly to assist in bringing me to an upright position.

Wobbly as a newborn kitten, at last I was upright with slight assistance despite the crushing pain. But how to catch up with a quick-as-lightning newborn when I could barely stand … and only with assistance?

The back door opened, and tentative footsteps sounded across the kitchen floor and to the threshold of the living room. Along with the rest of the family, I looked up, expecting to see Alice and/or Jasper returning.

But I could only stumble forward with a cry of combined pain and joy. Isabella caught me in her sturdy arms before I fell flat, her arms wrapping around me to help me remain upright.

The debilitating pain fled as quickly as it had come once we were touching, and the joy-filled thoughts of my family inundated my mind once again as I embraced the one I loved more than life itself.

**Bella's Point of View**

After quietly slipping from the Cullens' house, I had raced through the woods for only ten minutes before the pain started. At first my chest felt tight, and I wondered about the odd sensation; weren't vampires immune to physical pain?

But I pushed myself to keep running, knowing that my leaving was the only way to save my family … and my Edward.

As his name passed through my thoughts, I stumbled over my own feet and fell flat on my face.

Now, this occurrence was nothing new to me. As a human, I had been the worst klutz ever; when I was little, my parents had worried over me incessantly and Jacob had teased me mercilessly. After all, I was the only person they knew who could trip over absolutely nothing … and did so on a frequent basis.

But when Edward transformed me into a vampire, my infamous klutziness left the building and a very welcome otherworldly grace took its place. Being graceful and fleet-footed was almost worth those three days of burning agony.

Okay … not really. But almost.

So why was I sprawled face down on the forest floor, having scattered pine needles every which-way?

As I slowly pulled myself into a sitting position, the pain that had been centered in my chest started radiating outward. Wrapped in an agony that I had not felt since my burning transformation, I could do nothing but curl into a ball, clasping my arms around my knees and rocking slowly back and forth, trying to soothe the searing pain.

But there was no escape from this agonizing burning.

And my mind would not allow me to think of anything or anyone except Edward. Right now I wanted him here, holding me close and comforting me as he had done so many times before.

I wanted him to take this pain away.

With every time that his name passed through my mind, my chest throbbed agonizingly. As I imagined him holding me, soothing me, kissing my forehead, his eyes bright with love, the pain deepened, searing its way into my already-throbbing head while spreading down my arms and into the pit of my stomach.

Doubled over into a fetal position amongst the dried pine needles, I felt nothing like a powerful, immortal vampire.

Finally it occurred to me to stop breathing, and the pain lessened slightly with the absence of the unnecessary movement…but then knowing that I would never inhale his wonderful scent again ratcheted the agony up again until I was swallowing back scream after scream of despair and torment.

My brain felt scattered, as if thinking became more of a futile effort with each moment that passed.

I'm not sure how long it took me to finally connect the dots and realize what was going on.

This pain in my chest was my heart…my heart without Edward.

_I needed him._

_I could not be parted from him._

_ Not like this. _

I remembered Alice telling me of when Jasper had insisted on leaving the family for a short while several decades ago. His sometimes tenuous control had slipped, and he had killed a teenaged girl and consumed her blood in an absolute frenzy. He had been devastated, both from causing the death of a beautiful and innocent girl with her whole life ahead of her, and in the disappointment he caused the family, Carlisle especially. Within hours of the incident, the Cullens had to leave in the middle of the night, relocating to one of their emergency locations.

This time they retreated to an island off the Brazilian coastline that Carlisle had given to Esme as an anniversary gift. But Jasper had refused to go with them, fearing that if he stayed with the family, he would ruin their lives again and again. And he refused to allow Alice to accompany him, citing her need for her family. So deep in his own despair that he couldn't deal with her depression and fear or the rest of the family's varied emotions, Jasper had disappeared, slipping into the mainland jungles while Alice and the rest of the family journeyed on to Isle Esme.

Alice was trembling with the effort of telling me the story as she related her complete shutdown once she was separated from Jasper. And he had only been able to remain on the mainland for three hours before the physical, mental, and emotional pain he experienced, worsening the longer he remained separated from Alice, forced him to swim to Isle Esme to be reunited with his mate. He arrived to find a quietly sobbing Alice, wracked by similar suffering, in Carlisle's arms, and only hearing Jasper's voice and feeling his touch brought Alice out of her sorrow. They had not been separated since.

That was the power of the bond between true mates, Alice had told me, smiling significantly.

As I acknowledged that my separation from Edward was the source of my agony, my fuzzy mind began to slightly clear and the pain backed off a little, definitely enough for me to realize that I had indeed found my solution.

Tanya didn't matter.

We'll deal with the Romanians if and when we needed to.

And face every problem coming at us … _together._

As I leaned on a nearby log to pull my weakened self to my feet, strange images passed across my mind. _Pain. Dizziness. Darkness. Silence._

It was as if all of my senses were being shut off, one by one, by excruciating pain … pain that wasn't mine.

I gasped as another realization hit me.

_Edward._

_ It was Edward's pain that I was somehow experiencing._

He must be suffering as I was … or even more so. Just as Alice had broken down in sorrow because of the agony of Jasper leaving, experiencing far more intense suffering because she was the one left behind, Edward must also be in even worse shape than I was now.

I knew what I had to do.

Too weak to run, I began retracing my steps back to the Cullens' home. Part of my mind remained draped by the sensations I knew belonged to Edward while part was distracted by my own suffering. And the rest of my conscious thought zeroed in on one goal.

_I had to return to Edward as soon as possible._

Oh, for vampire speed when I really needed it.

Fortunately, the closer I came to the Cullens' home, the less I felt the agony of both my own and Edward's pain, and within a short while, I was able to jog along at a human pace, then as I drew nearer to home and to Edward, I could run at a slow vampire speed.

I heard the murmuring of low voices as I approached the house, and joy filled my limbs with strength as I raced soundlessly through the woods and leapt the wide Sol Duc River with ease. On silent feet I ghosted across the lawn and up the stairs to the redwood deck outside the back door.

I paused for a moment, almost smiling. The pain was nearly gone; I could only feel that strange tightness in my chest, and my newborn vampire strength seemed to be nearly restored.

But an alarming thought stopped me in my tracks: What if my leaving had angered the Edward and/or the Cullens?

If I was right, Edward had experienced agonizing pain, inexplicable darkness, and the loss of all sensory input.

And I was totally to blame.

Nevertheless, I was glad that the pain had turned me around before I had travelled too far from my beloved … and from my family.

Although I was still afraid of what could happen to my family as a result of the nomadic vampires and the powerful Romanians, I learned an important lesson after being on my own for so long.

_Families face challenges together. _

Making not a smidge of a sound, I opened the backdoor and practically tiptoed across the kitchen tiles to the threshold of the living room.

Seven sets of golden and one pair of dead black eyes glanced up at my entrance.

Standing in front of a sofa, Edward was being supported by Eleazar and Carlisle, each holding one of Edward's arms. His dark-as-midnight eyes took a moment to focus on me as he swayed weakly on his feet.

Edward's eyes rounded with shock, and a split-second later he was lunging toward me, almost falling, with an inarticulate cry.

I moved forward quickly to catch him as he collapsed in my arms, a dead weight against my body. Bracing myself, I supported him, and his arms encircled me as he buried his face in my neck.

"Isabella," he gasped, over and over. "Isabella." A dry sob shook both of us as we embraced. Then his lips were on mine, hungrily consuming me, and I responded with enthusiasm to his kiss.

And I was home.

The longer we remained in one another's arms, the stronger we both became. Within a few moments, Edward was standing upright without my support, and the tightness in my chest was gone.

After ignoring a number of throat clearings, finally a ribald joke from Emmett forced us to break our kiss and come up for air.

"Edward?" Carlisle asked meaningfully as we turned, arms around each other's waists, to face our family.

Edward's smile was blinding in its intensity. "It's back," he responded simply.

"What's back?" I asked … but I thought I knew.

"I can read minds again … all except yours, of course," he said, looking down on me with such warmth in his expression that I wanted to drag him upstairs to his room and….

I smiled. "Good."

Eleazar, however, was watching me closely. "Bella," he started, halting when I raised a palm to him.

"Let's sit down," I suggested gently. "I think we have a lot to talk about."

_**A/N: Thanks for being patient with me and my slow posting. I've had quite a flare-up of my autoimmune illnesses, and my doctor wants me to come in for more testing because the pain has been so intense.**_

_**I hope that you enjoyed this chapter and that our Bella and Edward are back together again. We still have some loose ends to tie up with Eleazar and with the wolves, so we have more chapters coming. **_

_**I'm planning to complete this story during National Novel Writing Month .org although I'll still be posting only once a week still. If anyone wants to be a Writing Buddy during NaNoWriMo, I'm there under "Cassandra Lowery" and would love to have lots of company during the 50,000 word journey. **_

_**Thank you for all of your wonderful reviews—I wish I had the strength and time to respond to them all, but I treasure each and every one of them. Thank you!**_

_**See you next weekend, I hope! **_

_**Much love,**_

_**Cassandra ;) **_

_**xxxooo**_


	50. Chapter 47

**Chapter 47**

As we seated ourselves to begin what would probably be a long and probably difficult conversation, Edward led me to an armchair, seated himself, then pulled me onto his lap. Normally I would have been embarrassed-as- all-get-out to be placed in such an intimate position in front of his family, but I was too happy to care right now.

Just as we all settled in, the backdoor opened again, and we were joined by Alice and Jasper.

"Good timing," Emmett stated playfully. But I was watching Jasper's expression which morphed from incredibly tense, to tentatively pleased, to outright grinning.

I was glad to see Jasper sigh and visibly relax as a result of the emotional climate of the room. It had not taken me long to watch my empathic brother carefully to gain insight into the family's overall mood. Alice's quick smiles attested to the fact that all was well with them…now.

"I'm sorry that we had to run," Alice stated calmly. "But Edward's emotions were just too much for Jasper to handle. It seems that all is back to normal," she enthused, skipping forward to kiss my cheek and hug Edward.

"We're just settling in to hear the details," Carlisle assured her with a smile as Esme reached across the coffee table to pat Jasper's arm reassuringly.

"Who wants to go first?" asked Emmett, rubbing his hands together in anticipation, but Edward and I exchanged rather nervous glances.

I doubted that either one of us wanted to fully share what we had just experienced. I noticed, too, that Jasper's grin had faded, and he seemed tense again. Either our emotions were robbing him of his recent calm, or he was remembering being responsible for similar suffering he had caused his mate in the past.

"I'll start," I volunteered. "But I have to ask you all for a favor." They all looked at me expectantly as I continued, my voice soft. "Please let me get through this without interruptions, and then I'll answer questions." Nods from our family responded, and I took in a deep breath as Edward squeezed my hand reassuringly.

In a somber tone, I explained why I had run away, stopping Edward from interrupting me twice with a quick kiss and significant glance. I tried not to look at him, knowing that the likely stress on his beautiful face would upset me enough that I would never be able to explain my thoughts and actions fully.

Then I related how the pain had started and then worsened the further I ran away, and why I had returned, the pain diminishing the closer I came to the Cullens' home. After I finished, I turned to Edward.

"So you lost your gift after I left? And what else happened?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"What do you mean, 'and what else'?" queried Eleazar while Edward stared at me, nonplussed.

I told them about the part of my mind that had been shut off from all stimuli and how I had gathered that Edward had been in that state.

Carlisle looked utterly shocked … as did the rest of the vampires in the room—except for Eleazar who appeared extremely thoughtful.

"This is all quite remarkable," mused Eleazar. "I've only heard of such 'attachments,' for lack of a better word, occurring once or twice before."

I shot Jasper a significant look, and my brother seemed pained as he shifted in his seat. With obvious reluctance despite my silent prodding, Jasper told the family of the very similar "pull" he and Alice had experienced decades before when separated.

If the emotions in the room hadn't been so tense, I would have laughed at Carlisle's bemused expression.

After Jasper finished his tale, with Alice clarifying a few points, the room was absolutely silent as all absorbed the magnitude of this latest information.

Deep in thought, Eleazar glanced from Jasper and Alice to myself and Edward, trying to make a connection. Then it came to me…just a split second before Eleazar added it all up.

"It's our diet," I whispered, and Eleazar nodded.

"What about our diet?" demanded Carlisle, obviously concerned.

"Our mated couples feel this extraordinary pull when separated from each other in what could be a permanent manner because we do not consume human blood," stated Eleazar slowly. "We remain more 'human,' for lack of a better term, because of our more compassionate diet. We know that we have deeper emotional ties and have more sympathy for humans and for those of our own kind, all as a result of our diet. And I believe that our diet also unearths this agony when mates are faced with the possibility of a long term or permanent separation."

The room remained quiet for several long minutes following Eleazar's pronouncement as we each considered the reasons and repercussions of this possibility.

Carlisle spoke first. "It makes sense to me," he stated quietly.

Esme nodded, curling herself into his arms, and everyone else murmured in agreement.

"Well, I envision both positive and negative aspects of this issue," Edward said slowly. "Our family will be quite powerful as long as our mated pairs remain together. But just as easily, if a mated pair is separated in a way that holds the potential for a long-term or possibly permanent parting, then our family could be weakened considerably."

I felt Edward embracing me even more tightly as he continued in a soft voice. "We must keep this aspect of our diet secret. Other covens seeking our destruction could use this weakness against us and may consider kidnapping one mate, thus rendering the other mate practically useless while being tortured by this agony...which would weaken our family considerably…especially if the separated mates are gifted." Edward glanced at Jasper and Alice before he hugged me even closer.

I closed my eyes, the importance of Edward's statement hitting me. Yes, while this aspect of our diet and behavior made us more 'human,' more compassionate, than the vast majority of our kind, it also rendered us susceptible to attack should anyone else, especially rival nomads or covens, especially the Romanians, should wish to weaken our family.

Then I felt a strong feeling of guilt fill me, and I lowered my gaze, unwilling to look any of my family members in the eye. Now I felt like the weakest link in our family: a newborn with so much to learn, plus I was now linked so strongly to Edward and he to me that separating us would negate his gift and possibly mine as well, leaving our family susceptible to attack.

Especially since Edward's gift of mindreading was so vital to our family's safety.

Quietly groaning, I buried my face in Edward's neck.

"It's simple. We must keep this connection among us only and never speak of it unless we are absolutely positive that no one can overhear," Carmen stated. Her warm eyes met mine as I lifted my head to give her my full attention while she spoke. I had the feeling that while Carmen was quiet and didn't speak up often, what she did say was of the utmost importance.

We all nodded, agreeing then and there to not breathe a word regarding this weakness, even among those in our family, after today, for fear that someone might overhear us. It was a long shot, but we had to guard our family's safety vigorously.

"Now let's discuss Isabella's gifting," Carlisle directed quietly.

Eleazar smiled at me, but I tensed in Edward's lap and couldn't return his smile. I felt Edward also stiffen, sitting up straighter as Eleazar's attention turned to me.

"Bella, there is no question that you are a powerful shield. The fact that Edward could not read your mind when you were human attests to the strength of your talent," he stated firmly.

I nodded tentatively, feeling that the proverbial "other shoe" was going to drop at any moment.

"Then the fact that once you became a vampire had the effect of closing you off to both Jasper's and Alice's gifts demonstrates that not only is your shield mental, which is usual for shields, but it is also physical which is far, far more rare."

I felt rather than heard Edward's sharp intake of breath as I remained ensconced on his lap.

"Thus," stated Eleazar impressively, "your shield, Bella, is the strongest one I have ever seen…including during my time with the Romanian guard."

My jaw dropped open in shock while Edward squeezed me in a joyful hug, his smile alight with happiness.

"You need training, of course," Eleazar continued, "but within a week of training with me, you should be well on your way to having a formidable defensive and offensive gift."

Eleazar's pronouncement broke the tense mood in the room, and everyone except for Edward and me got to their feet, discussing different aspects of Eleazar's news in small groups and preparing to separate to do other activities while I started my "training."

Yay me.

"You, Kate, and Carmen are of course welcome to stay while Bella trains with you," invited Esme smilingly as she addressed Eleazar. Carmen thanked Esme and Carlisle as they briefly discussed logistics.

Kate and Rosalie headed upstairs, Alice trailing behind them, apparently with fashion on their minds. Jasper and Emmett scooped up X-Box controllers and prepared to play the new _Assassin's Creed III_ that had been released recently, but Emmett had somehow finagled an advanced copy, just to annoy Jasper with the historical inaccuracies that only a vampire with friends who had existed during the American Revolution would notice.

Carlisle decided to retire to his office while Esme and Carmen, the best of friends, seated themselves in a corner to talk quietly.

But Eleazar turned on us with a raised eyebrow. "Are you ready to start, Bella?"

"Now?" I questioned, surprised. Glancing quickly at Edward, I noted his shock as well.

"Do you have something better to do?" Eleazar asked.

I didn't dare look at Edward at this point because, yes, as a matter of fact, I did have something…or, rather, _someone_, "better to do." Or at least kiss senseless.

Edward sighed, then nudged me to my feet. Reluctantly I stood, reaching back to grasp Edward's hand and drag him also to a standing position.

"Where do you want to do this?" I asked Eleazar, trying to hide my dismay at not having Edward to myself right now.

But Edward, bless him, read my tense stance and vague anxiety; he quietly requested an hour's break for us before starting my training as we tried to ignore Eleazar's reluctance to wait even an hour to start training me.

After our separation, we truly _needed_ this time together.

Taking my hand in his, Edward pressed his lips into the smooth back on my hand before escorting me out the back door. Hand in hand, we leaped the river and disappeared into the forest.

However, Edward led me in a new direction, and, as we ran side by side with hands clasped, I began to notice scents that had no business being in the middle of the Olympic National Forest: freshly sawn pine and redwood, recently unearthed rock, still-drying paint, water-based wood finish, metal nails, drywall, and other smells associated with a trip to Home Depot. Then I caught the more subtle fragrances of flowers in full bloom: roses, honeysuckle, freesia, and at least three different species of lavender.

The familiar but extremely-out-of-place scents brought me to an abrupt halt. My eyes honed in on a very excited Edward as he grinned unrepentantly, his eyes ablaze with happiness.

"Where are you taking me?" I asked suspiciously.

His crooked smile somehow widened as he returned to my side. Gently he took my hand, still glowing with unadulterated joy.

"Will you do something for me?" he asked, unable to curb his happiness.

I nodded, extremely curious now.

"Will you please close your eyes and stop breathing for a moment?"

"Why?" I felt my brows furrow in confusion and not a little annoyance. What in the world was he up to?

"Please, Isabella? Humor me?" he asked, pouting just slightly. Oh—that man and his puppy-dog eyes! I swear he was worse than Alice when it came pulling out all of the stops in order to get his way.

I huffed. "Fine." With poor grace and not a little drama, I shut my eyes and held my breath.

"It's not much further. You've probably already smelled enough to give it away, though," Edward assured me.

"Hmph." I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of a response.

Gently he tugged me forward, and I followed him trustingly. I guess I didn't have to worry about colliding with a tree or a rock or anything; I would win any contest here in the forest…except against Edward, of course.

_But trying would be fun…._

I stifled a giggle at the thought, and I heard Edward's low laugh as my lips curved into a smile.

I'd never experienced Edward like this before—so happy, carefree, and joyful. He was almost boyish in his adorable enthusiasm. After all, I was rather used to the slightly awkward, shy, and morose Edward of my human days and the remorseful and agonized Edward immediately following my transformation.

But this Edward…_wow_.

There was no doubt in my mind that I was now in love with him more than ever.

These thoughts occupied me for the very few seconds it took him to lead me forward, the previous scents becoming more powerful with every step we took.

When I sensed Edward stopping, I did the same, hearing the familiar click of metal-on-metal, then the swing of new hinges from about waist-high. Without a word, Edward led me forward about half a dozen steps, and I realized that my feet were walking on smooth rocks, rather like pavement stones, not the bare earth and pine needles on the forest floor as before.

"Where are we?" I asked, even more curious.

The hinges creaked again, and the gate (for I assumed that these sounds indicated our going through a gate) clicked shut behind us.

Slipping his hand into mine again, Edward gently turned me to face him.

"May I open my eyes now?" I asked impatiently.

"In a moment."

I heard Edward's clothes whispering as he shifted position. Gathering both of my hands in his, he took in a deep breath. In fact, Edward was fairly humming with excitement and…anxiety?

Why was Edward anxious?

Immediately I was on my guard, my vampiric senses checking for danger through every medium except scent and sight…although I almost broke my word to Edward regarding not looking or breathing because in such a state of heightened anxiety, I hated being without two of my most necessary senses.

"What is it, Edward?" I asked quickly. "What's wrong?"

He sighed. I couldn't tell if he was exasperated or amused. I hoped to heaven it was the latter.

"Nothing is wrong, Isabella. Calm down," he advised…but his voice was not calm in the least; instead, it held a note of repressed emotion that was really worrying me.

"Tell you what," I said acerbically. "I will calm down when you do. Is that fair, Edward?"

Even with my excellent vampiric hearing, I barely caught his muttered expletive. I sensed his taking several deep, calming breaths which shot my concern into full-fledged anxiety. What in the world could make Edward this…_nervous_?

_**Sorry about this chapter being a little short. I am working on NaNoWriMo and the chapter was waaaaay long, so I had to break it in half. **_

_**This coming week I'll be posting on Friday as I will be grading the first drafts of the essays due for my online research essay course all weekend. So you will get a chapter much sooner than usual, and it's quite a chapter! (I already have it in first draft form, thanks to NaNoWriMo.) I'll also have photos to accompany Chapter 48 on my blog, too—it'll be soooo much fun! **_

_**I'm still struggling physically, so if any of you are praying people, I would appreciate your prayers for strength and productivity. **_

_**Thanks for your kind reviews—you all inspire me to keep on writing—thank you! :D**_

_**Have a great week—love to you all!**_

_**xxxooo,**_

_**Cassandra :D**_


	51. Chapter 48

**Chapter 48**

"Open your eyes, Isabella," he murmured softly, but still with that strange timbre of repressed feeling.

Immediately I opened my eyes and gasped, both hands flying up to cover my mouth in surprise.

On a winding stone pathway lined with stunning roses, fragrant lavender and freesia, with sweet honeysuckle climbing over a trellis arcing over a white-picket gate of the low white fence surrounding the lovely garden in which we stood, Edward knelt before me on one knee.

As soon as I had released his hands, he reached into his pocket and withdrew a small box.

My eyes widened with shock; I knew what had to be coming next, but somehow I still couldn't wrap even this amazing vampire brain around the fact that this beautiful, perfect-for-me man was kneeling, smiling tremulously with nerves, a ring box in his hand.

Edward's soothing voice was strong and sure despite the uncertainty lurking behind his beautiful eyes. Wrapping one of my hands in his large, free hand, he held it tightly as he spoke the words that would bring us truly together…forever.

"Isabella, I have loved you since the very moment I laid eyes upon you. Although you were human and incredibly fragile that first day at school, I admired your strength and fortitude more than I can express. My love for you has only grown since then, both while you were human and since you've become one of us. Nothing in the world would bring me more happiness than having you by my side for all eternity. Isabella, will you marry me?"

I couldn't speak. If I were still human, I would have been a tearful mess. Looking into his earnest, hope-filled eyes, I knew that I wanted nothing and nobody else in this existence more than I wanted, needed, and loved Edward Cullen.

I nodded, my shy smile spreading across my face until it felt radiant.

"Really? You will become my wife, Isabella?" he asked again, almost as if he couldn't believe his good fortune.

Still unable to speak, I nodded more emphatically.

Smiling tenderly at me, he gently opened the box to reveal a ring that could be either an engagement ring or a wedding band. It was deceptively simple: a rounded diamond set squarely in white gold, with two small square-set diamonds on each side, also in white gold. A yellow gold heart, the rounded edges touching the square diamonds, narrowed to a delicate yellow gold band. The diamonds were not large, but they were perfectly set into this modest, lovely design that seemed antique in design.

"This was my mother's ring," Edward said quietly. "It dates to the 1890s. If you don't like it…if you would prefer something more modern or with bigger stones, we can go to Tiffany's—"

"No," I interrupted, finally willing myself to speak. "No, Edward. It's perfect just as it is. I love it." I smiled at him, my eyes misting for just a moment with the ghost of happy tears. "I love you."

"As I love you," Edward replied in a soft voice, his black eyes burning into mine with utter contentment as he slid the ring onto my finger, then pressed a kiss to the back of my hand.

My silent heart did a flip.

I swear it did. _Seriously._

Gracefully Edward got to his feet, opening his arms wide as I flew into them. Laughing with sheer joy as we embraced, he spun me around in two perfect circles before gently setting me on my feet again.

Our eyes met, and it was as if someone had lit a fire of passion in us at exactly the same moment. Before the thought could even pass through my quick-as-lightning mind, Edward's lips were hungrily moving against mine, and we both moaned softly as I opened my lips to his silent questing.

My hands were buried in the soft hair at the nape of his neck while he gathered me so close that if I were still human, I doubt I would have survived. But now I gloried in his joyfully fierce embrace as we kissed each other shamelessly.

And of course, the kiss was perfect. The heat rising from the friction of our cold lips could not compare to the fire blazing within us both.

A moment later, Edward backed me against something and made of stone that was even colder than he was, his lips continuing to devour mine and mine his. Only the sound of a quiet cracking noise broke the kiss…on Edward's part at least.

At the sound, sanity seemed to return to him, and he straightened up slowly, kissing gently up my jawbone, along my hairline, and across my forehead, giving us both a chance to calm a little and re-engage speech.

"I'll have to fix that," Edward murmured, nodding toward the cracked river rock edifice between kisses.

"Fix what?" I asked dreamily, not really caring.

"The chimney."

Puzzled, I pulled back from his gentle kisses. "Chimney?" I asked, confused.

Edward took me by both hands and pulled me back toward the little garden gate we had entered by. "Look," he said, gesturing toward the small building in front of us.

A perfect little stone cottage, right out of a fairy tale, was somehow nestled here, right in the middle of the forest. Surrounded by a traditional white picket fence covered with clambering Cecil Bruner roses in the palest pink, with fragrant honeysuckle blooming white and golden over the arched entry, the garden surrounding the cottage was magical by itself. Foxgloves waved under the windows and against the stone walls, and ivy trailed up one side of the cottage and over part of the roof. In the center of the old-fashioned, English-style garden, the stone cottage looked as if it, too, had risen from the ground as part of the garden, growing there over the years.

"Whose house is this?" I breathed, continuing before he could reply. "You couldn't have brought me to a more romantic spot if you had planned for months, Edward. It's perfect."

Edward reached into his pocket again and pulled out something that flashed in the pale moonlight. Dangling it in front of me for a moment, he pressed it into my palm. "It's yours," he whispered, his eyes bright with emotion.

"Mine? How?" I gasped.

"While you were…changing," Edward's voice choked a little over the last word, the memory of my suffering still difficult for him, "Esme, Alice, Rose, Emmett, Jasper, and even Carlisle from time to time, worked on this abandoned cottage for you…for us, really," he finished shyly.

Edward stepped to the side, motioning me down the path toward the front door. "Would you like to explore, my love?" he invited.

With Edward on my heels, I slowly moved down the stone walkway, stepping up the three low stairs onto the narrow stone-flagged porch. Carefully I inserted the old-fashioned brass key into the lock of the dark red wooden door, noting the graceful arched top set with a half-moon of lacy glass.

Before I turned the lock, I smiled mischievously at the beautiful man by my side, his eyes alight with anticipation. "It looks like a hobbit-house," I whispered with a smirk.

Throwing back his head, Edward laughed, and I joined in the joyous sound that echoed through the garden and around the little cottage. "Emmett said that you'd say that," he managed to gasp as our laughter subsided.

Turning the lock and hearing the satisfying "click" that meant we could enter, I pushed gently against the antiqued brass door handle which seemed Victorian in design. As the door swung open almost silently, I was glad that, as a vampire, I needed no light to view every detail of the lovely little cottage.

A quick movement at my side surprised me as Edward scooped me into his arms before stepping over the threshold. "We're not married yet," I giggled at him, and his joyful eyes met mine.

"But we will be. Soon."

"Soon?" I asked quietly, perfectly serious for the moment.

He nodded. "Soon," he assured me as he set me down on the polished oak floors of the cottage.

_Our cottage._

Although the great room wasn't large, it possessed a homey, cozy feel that I recognized as Esme's esthetic in décor. A padded leather chair and a faded red-and-white flowered chintz armchair sat at angles to each other in front of the river rock fireplace; the rough-hewn mantel above was scattered with hurricane lamps, pale candles in a three-tiered iron candelabra, china teapots, and in the center, an antique Seth Thomas mantel clock that chimed the hour as we entered the room. Above the mantel on the natural pine walls hung an assortment of mismatched antique china plates in various shades of green, blue, and red.

Small tables stacked with books and candles were tucked into various nooks, two tall oak bookcases filled with lovely old volumes that Alice and Jasper had apparently sneaked from Edward's room when we were away hunting. An antique freestanding globe on a brass pedestal stood in the corner, and the three windows of old-fashioned mullioned glass graced the far wall.

The center window contained stained glass in a lovely Tiffany-inspired pattern of a grape arbor at sunset with hollyhocks and red roses in the foreground and rolling Tuscan hills in the background. The red, greens, and golds of the stained glass added a sense of warmth and classical beauty to the room.

A few paintings of natural subjects hung on the walls, but they were small and simple enough not to detract from the masterpiece of the stained glass window. One larger painting even matched the window thematically—a bunch of grapes that looked too real to be merely painted on canvas. Antique maps were framed beside the door, and a hand-embroidered sampler that was obviously quite old, the formerly white material yellowed to a pale cream by the years, the red stitching perfect as the alphabet and numerals one through ten were embroidered in almost-perfectly upright printing below the stunningly-stitched calligraphy of a verse of Scripture, followed by a name and date:

"'_Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning. Of his own will begat he us with the word of truth, that we should be a kind of firstfruits of his creatures.' _

_The First Chapter of the General Epistle of Saint James, verses seventeen and eighteen._

_Elizabeth Anne Bentley March 2, 1888" _

I was speechless. My eyes flew to Edward, and he nodded minutely. Finally I forced out the two words: "You mother's?"

Smiling slightly but with pain behind his eyes, he nodded again.

"Wow," I breathed. Words couldn't express how amazing it was to not only see a sampler stitched by Edward's mother when she was a girl but to have it framed in antique brass and hung on the wall of our cottage.

I continued through the room, touching a china teacup here, a beeswax candle there. Smiling gently, Edward watched me discover it all, one element at a time, as my fingers brushed an old Singer treadle sewing machine which doubled as a table between the two bookcases, a painting of an English castle hanging above it. In the back corner, an overstuffed loveseat upholstered in red velvet and decorated with throw pillows of contrasting colors would make a lovely place to read…if one didn't automatically gravitate to the two cozy chairs in front of the fireplace.

"Electricity"? I asked quietly.

Edward looked uncomfortable for the first time. "No. I-I thought that we would prefer roughing it out here; we can always return to the house to watch TV or use the computers." He peered down at me nervously. "Did I make the right decision? We can always add—"

"Yes," I interrupted him smoothly. "It's perfect. I've always wanted a place away from technology, with a fireplace for heat and candles for light."

"So, do you like it?" Edward asked, excitement bright in his eyes.

"I adore it," I smiled, reaching up on my tiptoes to kiss his nose. "It's really, truly, perfect, Edward. I can't believe what you all have done."

Smiling in relief, Edward led me back to the other room behind the front one: a bedroom. The walls here were painted a sky-blue with white crown molding lining the ceiling which was a deeper shade of blue. Angled from the corner, the antique white iron four-poster bed was topped with a blue-and-white quilt, a deep blue hand-crocheted afghan folded across the end and white eyelet pillows piled in decadence against the headboard. Several white-painted armoires contained our clothing…which surprised me a little.

Edward immediately caught the drift of my thoughts from my bemused expression. "Alice wanted to add a closet larger than the entire house, but Esme and I conspired against her with the promise to convert one of our bedrooms in the big house to a walk-in closet for us there; we can have just the essentials here."

Grinning, I asked, "How did you manage to convince Alice to be so…practical?"

Edward shook his head in mock horror. "It wasn't easy. I had to promise her just about everything but our firstborn," he joked. But then his expression changed from humor to sadness in an instant.

"What is it?" I whispered, immediately concerned. Gently I took Edward's hand and led him to a lovely pale pine chest at the end of the bed where we seated ourselves.

Cupping my face in his large hands, he looked down on me, the emotions flitting through his eyes a mixture of sorrow, joy, and regret.

"Edward?" I prodded gently.

Closing his eyes, he pressed a chaste kiss to my forehead, then pulled back to watch my eyes. "I hate that I've taken that away from you as well," he whispered with a rawness that showed the depth of his pain.

I didn't get it. What had Edward "taken away" from me? My perfect memory rapidly replayed our conversation, and then the light dawned.

Edward almost cringed away from me when my expression revealed that I finally understood the source of his worry.

"Did you want children?" I asked him quietly, my eyes fixed on his as we tried to read one anothers' expression as well as words and tone.

"I never thought about it," he sighed. "When I was still human, I was too wrapped up in becoming a soldier, serving my country with distinction and valor. I was incredibly shy around girls; most of them probably thought I was not worth the trouble to get to know." His words were not bitter, just matter-of-fact, resigned.

"The thought of children never occurred to me until a lovely brunette, who did not—and still does not—understand the extent of her beauty, entered my existence. But by that point, I was what I am, and children are not possible among our kind."

Edward paused, then I caught the regret in his tone as he continued in a slightly harder voice, "I am so sorry, Isabella. I should have considered the repercussions of your change more deeply at the time. I should have found out before the attack about your wishes regarding becoming one of us. I've now condemned you to a childless existence, and you had no choice. I am…so sorry," he choked out the last words. Gently he nudged me aside to stride to a large open window graced with sheer white drapes, averting his face from the scrutiny of my gaze.

Considering the best way to approach him for a moment, I slowly got to my feet and joined him at the window, enjoying the fragrant breeze on my face and as it fluttered the delicate window dressings. Clasping his hands in mine, I brought them to my lips and kissed his clenched fists, my eyes fixed on his anguished expression.

Edward needed to know the truth.

_My_ truth.

"I am not sorry, Edward. Not in the least. First of all, you saved my life…or my _existence_, if you want to be technical. No, there wasn't time to ask me about my preferences, but if there had been time to discuss my change, I would have begged you to go ahead and change me."

His relieved sigh brought a slight smile to my face as I continued. "And having children? After all I've been through, I have no desire to have children. Yes, my childhood was lovely until the death of my mother. But then the death of my father left me alone in the world—no grandparents living, and with both of my parents being only children, too, I had no aunts, uncles, or cousins, either. The Blacks were the closest thing to a family I had, and they took me in gladly…at first. But with Sarah's death, everything went to hell very quickly. In good conscience, I couldn't bring a child into a world like this, Edward."

My voice dropped to a whisper as I continued, "In this world, hatred and evil seem to triumph far too often. You and I—we love one another absolutely and completely, yes—but even if we were both human and we had that possibility, I would struggle with the idea of having kids. So, to tell the truth, as much as I adore you, I can't see myself having a child."

A long moment passed while he fully comprehended my words. Then a tiny smile graced his full lips. "Really?" he asked, his expression hopeful but tentative.

"Really," I whispered, bringing his hands to my lips again and kissing his palms this time, one then the other, my eyes not leaving his. I could feel passion thrumming between us deliciously.

Apparently to gauge the truth of my words, Edward gazed into my eyes for a long moment, and then, so quickly that even my vampiric senses couldn't keep up, he yanked me against his long body and lowered his head to kiss me passionately.

My arms reached around his neck as I pulled myself against his hard form, even harder in some intriguing places. The energy between us built as we hungrily consumed each others' lips, and without protest I parted my lips to welcome his questing tongue.

Low growls emanated from both of our chests as we kissed, his large hands ghosting gently down my back, pressing my body even more intimately against his. My hands moved across his broad shoulders beneath his button-down shirt, then down his powerful upper arms to his bare forearms where he had rolled back his long sleeves. The electricity between us hummed as the kiss continued.

Conscious thought was far from my mind as his lips consumed mine, and I began to edge him toward the beautiful bed so near us. When the backs of his legs touched the mattress, I gave Edward a gentle push, landing him on his back, crosswise across the bed. Propping himself on his elbows, he grinned at me sexily, and I returned his smile as I stepped between his open legs and crawled up his delicious form like a predator, kissing him teasingly.

A fraction of a second later, I was lying on my back, my head resting on the white eyelet pillows with Edward's body atop mine, his weight balanced on his forearms, our lips extremely busy, my arms twined around his neck, holding him snugly against me.

Then Edward groaned loudly. We both broke the kiss, myself in curiosity, he in frustration.

"What is it?" I asked, concerned.

"Eleazar," he hissed. "We were supposed to return within an hour, remember?"

I smiled seductively. "Somehow this supposedly perfect vampire memory becomes short-circuited when you kiss me," I teased.

He laughed softly, leaning down to press one last kiss to my lips before gracefully standing beside the bed, offering me a gentlemanly but unnecessary hand to assist me to my feet. Sighing, I allowed Edward to help me up. Together we looked around the lovely bedroom before reluctantly leaving our perfect cottage behind and returned, hand in hand, to what we now called "the big house."

Eleazar was waiting for us on the back deck. When he saw us leaping the river holding hands, he smiled, apparently amused by our rather long "break"…which I couldn't help wishing had been just a little (or a lot) longer, for several reasons….

As one, we whisked up the back stairs and joined Eleazar just as the rest of the Cullens—the rest of my family—streamed out of the back door, shooting questions at Edward and me.

"So, how did you like the cottage?"

"Did you like the river rock? We used a local supplier when we designed the fireplace."

"Do you like the bedroom colors? You do like blue, don't you? Alice insisted on purple, but I didn't think—"

"Is the place still standing?"

This last question from Emmett stunned the whole group for a split second before everyone except Edward and I broke into raucous laughter. Edward squeezed my hand as we exchanged a rueful glance.

"Shall we tell them?" Edward asked me, more to tease his family members than to truly inquire regarding our news.

All eyes were on us immediately. "News?" asked Alice excitedly, and I smiled smugly. Anything related to me was off limits to our resident psychic, so Edward had been able to keep his proposal plans a complete secret.

Edward wrapped an arm around my shoulders, holding me close and whispering in my ear, "Show them."

Without a word I extended my left hand, my ring glittering in the well-lit room.

Alice's squeal of delight was nearly deafening; Emmett and Jasper covered their ears while the rest of us laughed. Then Edward and I were passed around the circle of family members to be congratulated, kissed, hugged, and generally made a fuss over.

While I was being hugged by Rosalie, I glanced back at Edward; he was smiling at me, his eyes alight with joy. His obvious happiness warmed my heart—seeing him so different from the melancholy, brooding boy he was when I first met him made me just as happy as he looked.

"I hate to break up the celebration," Eleazar finally said, "but I really need to work with Bella for a while." He sighed. "I don't usually get strong impulses regarding something, but I am feeling that training Bella is urgent and needs to be done as soon as possible."

It was amazing how quickly the joyous emotions in the room could dissipate. Edward was frowning at Eleazar, and Carlisle looked worried. Jasper's eyes were wary as he took in the emotional climate of the family.

"Certainly," I said quietly, moving toward Eleazar. I was not surprised when Edward shadowed me, taking my hand as we followed Eleazar outside, the rest of the family apparently backing off to let us get to it…whatever "it" might be.

_**A/N: Thanks for reading! I had planned to update this story on Friday—had it ready to go with everything but the author's note, but Thursday night we had a power outage which fried our wifi modem. And it won't be fixed until Monday at 5:00 PM. So I had to drive 15 miles to Starbucks to be able to update this story for you all.**_

_**With my weird grading schedule and NaNoWriMo (I'm drafting Chapter 51 now), I'm planning to update next Friday…after seeing **_**Breaking Dawn Part 2**_** with my daughter at the Friday early matinee. I have final research papers coming in Friday and a week to grade and return them to the students, so I'll be busy. **_

_**Thank you for all of your wonderful reviews! I loved them all! Your relief over Bella's return was lovely to behold. ;) Thank you! :D**_

_**However, I was more foolish than usual in attempting NaNoWriMo with so many essays to grade this month, but I guess that anything I write is to the good, even if I don't completely finish all 50,000 words. My real goal is to complete a first draft of all of PbF. **_

_**Also, I posted photos of the stained glass window, the painting of the grapes, the cottage, and the stone fireplace on my blog: **_

_** cassandralowery . blogspot 2012/11/ photos-to-accompany-pbf-chapter-48 . html –just remove spaces. **_

_**Have a wonderful week, everyone! **_

_**~Cassandra xxxooo**_


	52. Chapter 49

**Chapter 49**

_**A/N: Warning: A very intimate scene take place in this chapter; a warning will alert those of you under 18 or who don't wish to read such a scene when to skip forward and when to pick the story back up again.**_

Groaning in complaint, I gave Eleazar my best "puppy-dog eyes" as I silently begged him to let me stop. Now. Please.

_Please?_

But Eleazar grimly shook his head. "Let's try it again, Bella."

Huffing in frustration, I closed my eyes, and, gathering all the forces of my mind, concentrated again with all I had. Perfectly still, my fiancé stood beside me, his own eyes closed, as he had been for the vast majority of the past week.

Again, as I had for the past seven days, I tried to lift the veil of my shield away from my mind as Edward tried to "read" my thoughts.

We had yet to be successful.

Although it was impossible for me as a vampire to become physically exhausted, mentally I was worn to a frazzle. If only Eleazar would let up…for just a few moments.

_Please. _

After concentrating for forty minutes straight, I opened my eyes as I moaned in disappointment. A split-second later, Edward was enfolding me in his arms; I buried my face in his chest as he comforted me.

"Eleazar, I think she's done in," Edward murmured as I nodded silently against his chest in agreement.

Eleazar huffed this time. "Fine. Let's get back to work in fifteen minutes."

"You've got to be joking," I complained, glaring at my sensei, guru, master, or whatever Emmett was calling Eleazar today; I swear that my wonderful brother came up with a new daily epithet just to annoy Eleazar and amuse me. Lately, Emmett had been the only one in the family to get me to crack a hint of a smile, and I thought the world of him.

Actually, I thought the world of my family…except for Alice at the moment. Well, except for _"wedding-planner-zilla"_ Alice, that is. Edward and Jasper had attempted to contain her, but it seemed as though every moment that Eleazar gave me a rare break from training, Alice was right there, thrusting bridal magazines and wedding gown catalogs under my nose and chattering a mile a millisecond about a lot of stuff I didn't give a hoot about.

I was seriously thinking of refusing to speak to her unless the conversation was non-wedding related. _Really. _

Still wrapped in Edward's embrace with my cheek pillowed against his silent, broad chest, I heard her light step approaching and moaned softly, "Nooooooo. Please. No. I can't."

"But Bella, I just had a Skype session with Christian Siriano about your gown, and he loved my additions to his sketch. Just take one look, Bella—"

Lightning quick, I spun out of my fiancé's comforting arms and found myself crouching in front of my tiny wedding-planner-gone-wild, her eyes huge with shock at my unexpected rebellion.

"Listen, Alice. I said _NO_. As in _Not. Now._ And do not keep bothering me every blessed moment I am not being tortured by Eleazar. _GOT IT_?" Practically before the last word was out of my mouth, I had flown up the two flights of stairs into my third-story room beside Edward's, slamming my bedroom door shut. My lack of self-control caused a hairline crack in the thick oak door as I plopped myself (with slightly more care this time) onto the dormer window seat with an impressive growl.

_Great. Esme was going to scold me now for destroying my door._

The scene below my window was lovely, with Esme's beautiful garden and the gazebo spread out twenty feet below me. But I took in little of my favorite view from the house as I dropped my head in my hands.

I wanted to cry. I was frustrated beyond belief at my inability to wrap my head around this supposed "talent" that seemed to be much more of a nuisance than a gift at the moment. And Eleazar's unending patience—not to mention Edward's—made me feel even more guilty…if such a thing were possible.

I even felt guilty for blowing up at Alice just now.

Well, _almost_.

Then I heard a sound that was both welcome and unwelcome at the moment. With unseeing eyes I looked out the window, my back to the door as he walked down the hallway and paused at my closed bedroom door.

Of course I would know the cadence of his footsteps anywhere. Closing my eyes, I tried to calm myself so that I wouldn't upset my mate… my fiancé… my Edward. Swallowing hard, I kept my face averted as he quietly opened the door and entered, shutting the damaged door behind him.

Wordlessly he approached, coming to a stop behind me. "Do you want company?" he asked tentatively.

I must have really shocked him for Edward to be so unsure of his welcome.

"Only yours," I said stiffly…and it wasn't much of an exaggeration. Yes, I really wanted to be alone for a few moments, something that hadn't happened since my "great escape" from the family a week ago. But if I had to have someone with me, Edward was definitely my choice.

Resting his hands on my shoulders as I continued staring out the window, he silently started massaging gently but firmly along the back of my neck, between my shoulder blades, along my upper arms, returning to rub my shoulders again. Even though massages were quite different for vampires than for humans, Edward's touch calmed me, and I felt my tense body relaxing beneath his gentle, skilled hands.

Not realizing that I had been so stressed that I had been holding my breath since I had left Alice behind downstairs, I exhaled slowly.

"Better?" Edward asked, and turning to him, I nodded slightly.

"May I sit?" Edward asked, indicating the small window seat which had become my favorite perch inside the house. Scooting aside to make room for him, I nodded and he sat down, drawing me into his lap. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I laid my head on his shoulder and enjoyed the silence that Edward seemed intuitively to know I needed above all else right now.

I am not sure how long we stayed there, but the sun had set on yet another day with my making no progress in controlling my talent. Sighing again in frustration, I raised my head slightly, pressing a kiss into the side of Edward's neck. I loved the strength of his scent there—right below his ear. Inhaling again, I let his presence and scent anchor my mind back into my duty: learning how my gift worked so that I could perhaps help protect my family from several possible threats currently hanging over our heads.

"I suppose we need to get back to work," I whispered into his hair, trying to force myself from the comfort of his soothing presence and get back to work, useless though it seemed most of the time.

I felt him shrug beneath me.

Pulling back, I looked at Edward. "Do you think this is a waste of time?" I asked him quietly, curious about his noncommittal response.

He sighed, then looked down at me, his eyes strangely distant as he replied, "I don't know. Perhaps we're going about this wrong." His expression was turbulent, the stress of our situation showing through his usually tranquil mask.

Placing a hand on his cheek, I asked, "What's wrong?"

He turned away from me, and his avoidance was beginning to frighten me. Perhaps he was just trying to let me down easily.

Of course I jumped to conclusions as usual.

"I'm just not talented, right?" Fear colored my voice as I tried to calm despite the suspicions running through my head; with effort I lowered my tone but heard the despair in my words as I sighed, "You don't have to hide the truth from me, Edward. Eleazar must have read me wrong."

Edward took my face in his hands; his expression was stern as he took in my frustration and defeat. "No, you _are_ talented, Isabella. Extremely so. Please don't start doubting yourself, love. As I just said, I think we may be going about this 'training' all wrong." He paused, deep in thought, then muttered, "I wish that Alice could 'see' what would work instead of our having to figure it out via trial and error."

My nerves were at their breaking point, and Edward's innocent comment pushed me right over the edge. In a flash I was on my feet. "I'm sorry, Edward, that I have to make this so hard for you," I said bitingly. "I'm sure that there are much better things you'd rather be doing with your time than stand around watching me fail at trying the impossible." I felt my expression become a sneer. "You may leave. I wouldn't want to continue boring you." I started walking away from him, but Edward caught one of my hands in his.

"Isabella, I didn't mean it like that. I just think that perhaps we're going about this backward," Edward said slowly, massaging my hands in his to calm me. But I petulantly snatched them out of his reach.

"Yes, we're going about this backward because I'm useless. My 'gift' is more of a curse since I block you, I block Jasper, and I block Alice especially. All I am is a liability to this family."

My emotions seemed to be pinging all over the place; I was mentally exhausted by the long sessions and beyond frustrated by our lack of progress. And next Alice annoyed me; after that I felt guilty and upset; next I was biting and sneering at my beloved fiancé, and now I felt utterly hopeless and at the end of my proverbial rope… and at all times about ready to break down.

Tears would be such a welcome release right now.

Before I could raise my head to apologize to Edward, his arms were wrapped around me, nestling me into his chest as my shoulders shook with tearless sobs. He cooed softly in my ear, his hands moving soothingly through my hair.

_What in the world was wrong with me?_

I didn't realize that I had spoken aloud until Edward responded quietly, the furrowing of his brow alerting me to his stress. Seeing me like this could not be easy for him.

"Nothing is 'wrong' with you, love. You're just young to this life and thus a little erratic—although you are far calmer than the rest of us during our first year. None of us, at your present 'age' as a vampire, would have been able to stand there and concentrate for hours at a time for Eleazar as you do day and night. You're allowed to be a little emotional from time to time."

He brushed my hair away from my face, cradling my cheekbones between his palms. "You are amazing, my love, and I am so proud of you."

"But I haven't found out how this stupid gift thing works. If I even have a talent…which I'm beginning to doubt. But one way or the other, we need to know…and soon. I can't be the reason that this family is annihilated by the Romanians. I have to do this somehow, but it's not working. _I'm_ not working. Damn, I'm so screwed up. I'm sorry, Edward…."

Kissing my forehead, Edward murmured, "It's not you, Isabella. I think—as I've tried to say a few times now," he said teasingly "—that we're going about this wrong. Let's go talk with Eleazar and see what we can figure out."

My incredibly handsome fiancé lifted my hand and kissed the antique ring gracing my left hand. And the feel and significance of his lips upon me switched on my passion for him as if he had flipped a switch. Without conscious thought, I pushed him onto the bed, crawling on top of his body to straddle him, my lips consuming his in a burning kiss. He paused for a moment in utter shock; as my lips teased his apart, my tongue plundering his cool mouth, tangling with his tongue, he slowly began responding, albeit a bit bemusedly. Within a few moments, Edward sighed softly in surrender and wrapped his arms around me, pulling my body down on his.

_****Stop reading here to avoid reading an extremely intimate scene; readers under 18 years of age are requested to skip this section and pick the story back up where indicated.****_

As my lips moved along his jaw, my teeth tugging gently on his ear, Edward groaned, pulling me completely flush against his hardening form. I moaned softly in response as my kisses progressed down the side of his neck, tasting his sweet-salty skin as I stopped to lick his collarbone just above the "v" formed by the three unfastened buttons of his shirt. As Edward began to move beneath me, slowly grinding his hardness into my warmth, we both sighed in satisfaction and want.

Sitting up slightly, I reached to unbutton his dark shirt, glad for vampire nimbleness and speed. Edward watched me with hot, black eyes, his expression hungry, almost feral. When I unfastened the final button, I pulled his shirt open, revealing his incredible chest, so well-defined and simply…beautiful. I bent to continue kissing his delectable skin, so unyielding and strong and perfect. My fingers teased the scattering of auburn hair on his pale, broad chest as my lips found one of his nipples, beckoning it into a small peak with my icy tongue. He groaned and quickened his delicious movements below me, deepening the maddening friction of hardness and heat that we both sought.

A lovely warmth began unfolding deep in my stomach, moving down and centering where his hardness stroked me tantalizingly despite the layers of clothing between us. As I flicked my tongue against his other nipple, my fiancé shifted, recapturing my lips with his and plundering my mouth exquisitely. His hands ghosted from my back along my sides, brushing ever so close to the outer curves of my breasts, evoking my own groans of pleasure.

I felt bereft when his fingers vanished from their quest, but the welcome ripping sound of my t-shirt provided a satisfactory explanation. His exploring fingers returned, seeking the valley between my breasts, next cupping their weight through the lace of my navy blue bra, his thumbs teasing my nipples to hard points. As we continued the deliberate friction of our lower parts, Edward unhooked my bra and released me, breaking our kiss to explore my breasts with his lips and tongue while his hands slid down my back and grasped my hips, quickening our movements. The warmth deep in my stomach and below continued to build in force as my hands supported my weight by gripping his shoulders.

As Edward's lips laved and lightly bit my nipples, the warm feeling exploded, and I gasped with its power. Waves of sheer pleasure washed over me, and I could scarcely breathe due to its force. My eyes closed of their own volition as my lips parted in a long moan that Edward smothered with his own lips as he, too, groaned in delighted pleasure as his movements against my lower body became erratic then stilled as the welcome warmth began to subside.

Brushing my rumpled hair back from my face, Edward kissed me again with a lazy surety. Leaving my mouth, he kissed down my neck and groaned softly into my shoulder before bringing my forehead to touch his, smiling shyly.

"Was that…?" my voice trailed off in wonder.

"Was that what you thought it was?" Edward finished my question for me before continuing, "That, my love, was our mutual release…or, the more technical term, orgasm." The bashful expression on his face belied the certainty of the words he spoke.

I looked at him, puzzled. "What's wrong?" I asked softly.

Edward's eyes rested on me, searching my features for something he apparently didn't see. "Do you regret it?" he asked softly.

"What do you mean?" I inquired, even more befuddled.

My fiancé appeared uncomfortable as he replied, "I had wanted to save all such…intimate…expressions of our love for our wedding night. I don't like that I lost all sense of control and allowed us to progress so far. I apologize, love."

Aaaah. His old-fashioned sensibilities were provoking this guilt-trip.

"Well, I'm not sorry in the least," I said with spirit, tossing my head and allowing my hair to spill across his bare chest; he growled softly at the sensation as I grinned at him. "And if you truly are sorry, Edward, then I guess you'll just have to marry me."

"I think I can live with that consequence," he whispered. His bemused look was met with my soft laughter as I bent to rub my nose against his in an Eskimo kiss.

"Didn't you enjoy it?" I asked in a whisper accompanied by a sexy wink.

His own laughter caused a return of the delightful friction that brought us the pleasurable release of tension that both of us seemed to have needed. "Of course I enjoyed it, you silly girl," he stated, emphasizing his words with his own Eskimo kiss. "Who wouldn't? Although…" his voice trailed off for a moment before continuing in a whisper, "a change of underwear and jeans seem to be in order as these have become rather uncomfortable."

Obediently I scrambled off of him as we both stood up, one of his hands wrapped around one of mine. His eyes immediately drawn to my bare breasts, he reached out to tease my still-erect nipples with his free hand; I shivered at the amazing sensation of his hand moving so intimately upon my body.

"You are so beautiful, my Isabella," he whispered as if awe-struck by the view before him. "So incredibly lovely."

Ducking my head in embarrassment, I stepped into his arms, embracing him gently, simply enjoying the closeness of my fiancé, our bare upper halves fitting together in perfect unity. We simply belonged together.

"I think we needed that," I said, my voice muffled by Edward's shoulder.

"We needed that release?" he asked, confused, stepping back to peer into my face.

"Yes. Don't you feel better? Lighter and freer, somehow?" I asked. "I know I do."

Edward seemed to consider my question seriously. "I think you may be correct," he murmured in my ear, sending a shiver down my back.

"However, I still need to change," he reminded me, and I dropped my arms, searching the floor for my favorite bra and seeking a new t-shirt to replace the one Edward had ripped off me as he ducked quickly next door to change his jeans.

_****Readers may begin reading here again after the intimate scene.****_

A few moments later, Edward escorted me downstairs, his arm wrapped firmly around my waist.

Not quite successfully disguising his impatience, Eleazar was waiting for us near the kitchen. Obviously he had overheard our conversation…and then our…_activities_.

I was so embarrassed that I could not look Eleazar in the eye.

"What's your idea, Edward?" he asked, referring back to our conversation before we became, uh, _carried away._

Giving my shoulders a comforting squeeze, Edward turned his attention to Eleazar as he attempted to answer my trainer's question. "Well, I've been trying to invade Isabella's mind while she tries to let me, and obviously we haven't yet been successful. We've been trying to get her to consciously lift her defenses. What about if we try to stretch her more as an automatic, unconscious reaction and see what happens?"

Eleazar nodded. "That may work. Having Bella respond unconsciously may be less controllable, but I think we have little choice now. Time is running short."

"My thoughts exactly," Edward agreed.

"So how do you plan to do this?" I asked, more than a little concerned about their possible "attempts" to get me to react. And who knows how strong my reactions could be? I was a newborn, after all….

Eleazar was looking at me speculatively while Edward watched him curiously, obviously following his thoughts. After just a few seconds, Edward's eyes lit up. "Yes, that's it!" he exclaimed, motioning excitedly to Eleazar.

"Jasper, we need your help," Edward called, and Jasper flashed down the stairway and into the living room. As he passed me, Jasper gave me a significant look accompanied by a quirked eyebrow…as if he recognized the more "relaxed" atmosphere in the room since my and Edward's "activities." I felt a strange warming sensation on my cheeks—as if they would be blushing if such a thing were possible for vampires.

Edward grabbed Jasper's upper arm in one hand, Eleazar's in his other, and marched them toward the back door. "Be back in a moment," he called over his shoulder with a wink.

Ah, they must need to discuss their idea outside of my hearing so that they could get a genuine reaction from me. _Great._

I was left alone, standing in the kitchen and wondering what Edward was up to and what I could do with absolutely nothing to do.

Fortunately, Alice's slow descent down the stairs reminded me that I owed a certain manic pixie an apology. With a sigh, I met her at the bottom of the stairs. I wasn't looking forward to making things right because I truly was frustrated beyond measure with my new almost-sister, but I also hated being at odds with her, especially since my own impatience and petulance was at the root of our argument.

Alice stopped three steps from the bottom, her eyes downcast; I had obviously hurt her feelings quite severely. I stepped up one step so that I was two below her, thus at her height. Quietly taking both of her tiny hands in mine, I looked her directly in the eyes as I spoke.

"I'm so sorry, Alice. I was frustrated with all this 'training' or whatever it is we're trying to do here, and I took it out on you. I apologize," I said contritely.

Almost before the final word left my mouth, I was wrapped in a fierce bear hug that indicated her forgiveness. For such a little thing, Alice really could hug the stuffing out of a fellow vampire.

"Of course I understand!" she trilled. "I'm sorry that I picked a bad time to get your opinion. But believe me, you are going to wear that gorgeous Christian Siriano gown, and you're going to look amazing! Come see!"

So I allowed the pint-sized wedding-planner-from-the-netherworld to drag me upstairs to her room and push into my hands sketches for my wedding gown, her complementary dress as my matron-of-honor, the tuxedos for Edward, his best man Jasper, and Carlisle (who would walk me down the aisle), plus other plans for the wedding. Despite my expansive vampire mind, it was too confusing to keep up with Alice's too quick one-sided "discussion" about our wedding… which was even more mind-bending because my fiancé and I hadn't had the opportunity to discuss and set a date yet.

Part of me really didn't want anything to do with a formal wedding. The muss and fuss certainly wasn't ME. I just wanted to speak my vows with Edward in front of our family and keep it as simple as possible. Whom else could I possibly invite anyway? The only human I would want to come would be Mrs. Jane…perhaps Angela from school. That was about it, really.

But I kept my concerns to myself and tried to enjoy Alice's obvious happiness in arranging all of the details of an elaborate wedding I'm not sure I even wanted…. Okay, I had to admit that I really wanted to wear the Christian Siriano gown because Alice had indeed nailed it. The dress was simple and classic, just the way I wanted it. It was perfection.

However, the rest I could definitely do without. Except for Edward in a tux—_that_ I had to see. I had a strong feeling that he would be _mouthwatering_ in black formalwear.

My thoughts drifted to Edward, as they so often did. I very much appreciated my new vampire mind that allowed me to daydream about my fiancé and still follow Alice's extended monologue about the wedding, nodding or murmuring in agreement as needed.

An hour later I was glad to detect the quiet approach of three, no four familiar vampires through the forest. As they leaped the river, I interrupted Alice and indicated that our guys were home, plus someone else. Both of us flashed down the stairs, welcoming Edward and Jasper, with Eleazar, and, surprise of surprises, Kate also on their heels.

"So how did it go?" I asked eagerly…anything to stop this futile "training" of the past week.

"We'll see," Eleazar replied mysteriously as Kate followed him silently into the living room, a frown marring her lovely face.

Jasper and Alice seated themselves in the living room to watch, but their presence made me a little nervous. When Eleazar had first started my "training," the whole family had gathered around to watch what might happen. But each one gradually floated away, bored—first Rosalie and Kate, then Emmett. Esme and Carmen, always chatting together, retreated next, followed by Jasper and Alice. Carlisle was the last one to give up—at least temporarily—but couldn't resist returning from time to time to observe my non-progress, his furrowed brow belying his calm expression.

Time was of the essence, and the lack of progress thus far had frustrated me to no end. I knew I was putting too much pressure on myself, but I couldn't let up; I HAD to find out how this supposed gift worked and then develop methods of controlling it.

I could only hope that Edward's idea would work….

_**A/N: I hope you enjoyed this chapter; it's the closest I've come to writing a "lemon"—it wasn't originally in this chapter but I went back to add a "little something" to the scene and well, this is what happened. blush**_

_**I'll be seeing Breaking Dawn Part 2 tomorrow morning with my daughter at the first matinee—one of the perks of home education, right? Cinema 101 Field Trip! So instead of attending the midnight showing, I'm posting my new chapter for you all. Early even. ;)**_

_**I'll plan to post Chapter 50 next Friday, the day after Thanksgiving here in the States. I'm behind in NaNoWriMo, but I am working on Chapter 51 right now, so if I complete a first draft of Pinned but Fluttering during NaNoWriMo, I'll be thrilled.**_

_**Thanks for all of your wonderful reviews—I've read and saved every one of them and responded to a couple here and there, but I'm being KILLED with grading essays—two sets for my high school writing class with our home school co-op plus a first draft and then a final draft of MLA research essays for the online classes I teach. So I apologize for not always responding to your lovely reviews—but please keep leaving them for me as you all inspire me to keep on writing through the exhaustion and pain. Thank you! **_

_**xxxooo,**_

_**Cassandra :D**_


	53. Chapter 50

**Chapter 50**

"Before we get started," Edward stated quietly, "I need to talk to Isabella." He paused, his lips folded into a thin line, obviously upset about something. "In private," he added in a tight voice.

"Of course," I replied, placing my hand in his and squeezing it comfortingly.

But he didn't squeeze it back as usual. And he was not looking at me; in fact, he seemed to deliberately avoid my eyes.

Jasper looked at us knowingly; he must be quite aware of Edward's emotions. "Why don't you take Bella for a short walk, Edward?"

Yes, privacy would be a good idea, given how upset Edward seemed.

Edward nodded stiffly. "We'll be back soon." He began to turn away but was stopped by Eleazar's restraining hand on his chest.

Looking at my fiancé oddly, Eleazar addressed him quietly but firmly. "Please return quickly, Edward. As you know, we have much to accomplish."

Edward nodded again, his lips folding into an even thinner line as he led me toward the door. His set jaw, unemotional expression, and refusal to look at me provided a huge red flag warning that something serious was brewing beneath his apparently calm exterior.

As we left, I glanced over my shoulder at Jasper in confusion; he gave me a nod of encouragement accompanied by a small smile, both of which helped to calm me down a little as Edward escorted me out the back door.

Still holding hands, we reached the pathway beside the river. Edward's eyes seemed transfixed by the rushing water as he asked, "May we run? I would prefer to have this discussion out of earshot of the family, and we haven't much time to spare." His strained formality and his cold demeanor were beginning to frighten me.

Then a possible reason for Edward's apparent coolness struck me so hard that I could barely take in a breath.

_Perhaps he had decided that he wants to be with Tanya instead of me after all? _As much as I hated to think it, unfortunately that supposition seemed to explain his refusal to even look at me, along with his formal yet awkward mood.

"Sure," I choked out, obviously upset by this thought.

Giving me a quizzical look but averting his eyes as soon as I looked back, Edward began to run, and my newborn strength helped me to keep up with him as we flashed down the path, still holding hands. Mere seconds later, we passed the rock formation where we had held our previous conversation. As I had thought that this spot would be his destination, I asked in confusion, "Where are we going?"

"To a place that I happened upon when we first came here," he answered, not looking at me, his words still stiff and awkward.

We continued running through the darkness that was not really "dark" to us; the shading of purples, midnight blues, and violets made the forest truly a place of beauty and mystery at night—but I filed my poetic observations away in the back of my mind as my main concern remained whatever Edward was so tense about…whatever he had to discuss with me.

Convulsively I swallowed, trying to control my emotions and assume the vampiric poker face that seemed so useful to my new family members. Although I had yet to practice it much yet, I knew that now was the time to employ it.

Obviously I did not want Edward to feel guilty for whatever he had to tell me…especially if it was regarding his preference for the gorgeous vampire with strawberry blonde curls and tawny eyes—eyes so unlike my disgusting scarlet irises, an unfortunate result of my own blood still in my system (apparently remaining so for the first year after the change) but also providing Edward with a constant reminder of what I had become.

Perhaps Edward wished to tell me that he no longer loved me as a vampire. Perhaps it was my humanity that he had truly loved about me, and now he may just as well return to Tanya since I no longer was warm and fragrant and delicious, no longer a delectable temptation in so many ways.

My thoughts overwhelmed me so completely that I did not pay much attention to my surroundings as Edward led me deeper and deeper into the forest. As we raced past majestic cedars and towering pines, my eyes burned with unshed tears while I prepared myself to say goodbye to him.

Finally Edward stopped running, pulling me to a rather abrupt halt beside him. Dropping my hand, he stepped from the tree line into a perfectly circular clearing. In the deep violet hues of the night resulting from the complete absence of moonlight, the low grasses and wildflowers waving in the breezes were especially lovely. But I could not appreciate the beauty of this place…not when I feared so greatly what Edward needed to say to me.

Especially so far away, out of the hearing of his family.

Realizing that I was not following him into the meadow, he turned around, glancing at me with expressionless eyes. "Come, Isabella," he ordered roughly.

But I stood there as if paralyzed in the fringe of pines, cedars, and oaks surrounding this elfin place—a glade in which fairies danced and magic was real.

_But not for me. _

With a huff of impatience, Edward strode back to me, grabbed my hand, and led me rather unceremoniously into the center of the meadow.

"Sit, please," he ordered, his voice somehow both charged and distant.

This cold man seemed so removed from the tender lover of earlier today that the memory of our intimacy mere hours ago seared my heart—and with the pain came an underlying anger, born of frustration and agony.

Stubbornly folding my arms across my chest, "I'd rather stand here, thanks," I replied bitingly.

Edward didn't sit, either; he began pacing back and forth, tugging on his hair, and still refusing to meet my eyes.

I easily recognized these "tells" of his—he only did these actions when he was truly upset.

No matter what he was planning to say to me, I hated seeing my beloved one like this. Even if I lost him today, I would always love him; I would never be able to be cruel or distant with him. Ever.

"Edward, what is it?" I asked, stepping forward to grasp his arm, halting his frantic movements as he paced past me.

Still avoiding my gaze, he stopped, breathing hard and pinching the bridge of his nose.

Yes, that pinching thing was yet another "tell" of his, indicating severe stress.

"Please tell me, Edward! I'm going crazy here!" I demanded, my voice sharp as I spun him to face me.

Closing his eyes, his brow furrowed as if he were in pain.

"Edward?" I asked more gently this time. "You're scaring me. Please, please tell me what's wrong. I can't stand seeing you like this." Grasping both of his hands in mine, I waited, looking up into his face and inwardly cringing at his tortured expression.

He groaned then sank to the ground, pulling me down with him. Facing each other, we sat Indian-style, our knees nearly touching, his hands still grasped firmly in mine.

I was willing to wait patiently for Edward to speak…for as long as it took.

And it was ten minutes of sheer agony before he opened his eyes. The obvious pain in his eyes stabbed my heart as surely as any knife would slice through my formerly fragile human body. When he hurt; I hurt—it was the way we were.

Attached at the soul.

Releasing one of my hands, he reached up, tracing my cheek ever so tenderly with the back of his index finger. His agonized expression did not fade, but a wry smile twisted his lips.

And at last he spoke.

"I seem to be always doing you wrong, Isabella. Always apologizing. And, indeed, I am so sorry. So sorry, my love."

Confused, I held his free hand in both of mine as he cupped my face with his other hand.

"I don't understand," I said slowly, feeling my own brow furrow as I tried to think of any time that he had done something wrong to me.

But nothing came to mind.

"I completely understand if you wish to break our engagement," he whispered brokenly, ducking his head in apparent shame.

Even more confused, I just stared at him, mouth agape. After several silent moments, I managed to ask, "What did you do, Edward?" My mind immediately went to Tanya. Had he met up with her somehow while he and the others were planning strategy? No one had mentioned running into her or Irina while they were away.

"Is it Tanya?" I asked, my voice trembling despite my attempts to keep it steady. "Do you prefer her over me? I totally understand if you—"

"No!" Edward interrupted brusquely. "This has nothing to do with Tanya."

I sighed in relief. "Thank goodness," I breathed, smiling.

He stared at me, now the confused one. "Why would you think that?"

I shrugged, replying in a low voice, "She's so beautiful, and you've known her for decades. She obviously still cares for you. I wouldn't blame you if…." I let my words trail off, unable to speak my greatest fear.

Edward cupped my face between his palms, his eyes fervent as he spoke emphatically. "I want you to put every thought of Tanya out of your mind, Isabella. I love you, my love, _only you_, and I have never loved another woman romantically…_ever_. I never loved Tanya; hell, I never even _liked _her. But what I've done…done to _you_…is unforgivable."

"What do you mean?" I whispered, placing my hands over his hands as they cupped my face.

I was completely confused; I had no idea what he was talking about.

"I…I…defiled you, Isabella. I got carried away by your beauty, our connection, the passion so strong, so…persuasive…in your beautiful voice. I totally understand if you do not wish to marry someone with so little control. I should have…I could have…."

Staring at him in utter confusion for a long moment, what was upsetting him so severely finally dawned on me.

_ Aaaah, my lovely Edward with his near-Victorian scruples._

"Edward, did you not enjoy what we did together this evening?" I asked softly.

"Of course I enjoyed it!" he exclaimed roughly. "Far too much! I thought that was…more than obvious. But we aren't married. Something Emmett said tonight…."

"What did Emmett say?" I asked, wondering how the shyly pleased man I had enjoyed quite intimate activities with earlier this evening had done a complete 180 and was now punishing himself for what we had done.

"Emmett was just being Emmett," he answered sadly. "But he made a rather…ribald joke about what we did tonight, and I realized how badly I had wronged you. The more I thought about it…." Sliding his hands from beneath mine, he dropped his head in his hands, once again raking his hands through his already tousled locks.

"I have a question for you," I stated softly.

Reluctantly he raised his head, his still-agonized eyes fixed on me.

"Were you the only person in that room?" I asked quietly.

He shook his head, but before I could respond, he cut me off. "But I am the responsible one—I should have stopped us. I shouldn't have let it go, let _us_ go, as far as we did. I let us go too far; I shouldn't—"

Interrupting him, I interjected acerbically, "So you were the only 'responsible one' in my room tonight?"

He shook his head again, whispering, "That wasn't what I meant."

"But that was what you said."

Dejectedly, he dropped his head into his hands again.

Taking a deep breath, I cupped his face in my hands, tipping his head up so that we were eye-to-eye. "Look, Edward," I stated firmly, smiling slightly. "I very much enjoyed our time together tonight. _Very much. _Yes, we went a little far in our physical relationship, but we both technically remained virgins. And if doing what we did tonight makes you uncomfortable, we can wait until we're married to do anything like this again. Although when we're married, I think we'll discover that what we did tonight will be considered quite tame…because _I want you,_ Edward Cullen, body and soul. Can you live with that?"

"You would do that?" he breathed, hope lighting his eyes for the first time since we left the house.

"Of course I would. I would do anything for you. And while we both obviously enjoyed our closeness tonight, I hate seeing you regretting our actions so much. So we'll both practice more self-control in the future." I grinned at him somewhat teasingly, "See? Simple solution. There was no need for you to be so upset, Edward."

He chuckled softly under his breath, looking slightly abashed. "I guess I got carried away," he admitted. "Well, both times."

"Just a little," I teased, and we both laughed.

But he sobered quickly. "I want you to know something, Isabella."

"Yes?"

The repressed passion in his eyes scorched me as his eyes raked down my body before focusing again on my face. "Once you are mine," he stated softly but meaningfully, "truly, _legally_ mine, Isabella, pledged to me before both God and witnesses, I will have you in each and every way in which I have dreamed and imagined taking you. Repeatedly."

If I had still been human, I would have been bright scarlet with embarrassment…and passion. As it was, we exchanged a long, meaningful glance in which we vowed his promise wordlessly to each other.

But then something occurred to me…something I needed to address—something that _we _needed to discuss.

"Edward, I need you to promise something for me," I said seriously, pushing away the warmth that had risen up in me at his words in order to talk to him seriously.

"Anything," he vowed, his expression quickly becoming as serious as mine.

"Please, please talk to me when you get upset about something," I requested, my expression sincere and earnest. "You became so wrapped up in your thoughts and feelings that you shut me out. And we need good communication to have a successful relationship…and a strong marriage. Especially since we'll be together for all eternity," I teased at the end.

Edward had the grace to look a little ashamed as he agreed. "Of course you're right, Isabella. I'm sorry for letting my mind spin out of control without talking to you about it first. I promise to discuss whatever may trouble me, especially if it affects you as well," he pledged with a wry smile, but his eyes were as earnest as mine.

"Thank you," I whispered, leaning forward and pressing my lips chastely to his. He returned the pressure for a moment before groaning in protest. "Carlisle knows that I come here when I'm upset, so he just sent Eleazar to fetch us. And Eleazar knows my approximate range for reading thoughts." He kissed sweetly me once more, then sighed, "And he tells us that we are needed. So it's back to work for us, my love."

"All right. Back to work," I agreed reluctantly.

Always the gentleman, Edward helped me to my feet. Although his assistance was unnecessary, it was still a sweet gesture, one which I appreciated.

"Thank you," I whispered.

We stood there in the center of the meadow, admiring the peace and beauty surrounding us for a few moments from the shelter of each other's arms. The dim violet starlight shimmering on the white wildflowers, their fragrance rising sweetly on the soft breezes, was simply enchanting.

Nestling my head on his chest, his arms around me, I asked, "May we come back here when the sun is shining, Edward? I'd love to see the wildflowers in daylight."

"Certainly, my love," he agreed softly. Leaning, he pressed one additional chaste kiss to my lips before offering me his hand. As I grasped it, we turned to run back to the main house, leaving behind the fear and regret that had led us to this lovely spot.

-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-

"First of all," stated Eleazar. "Kate, please step forward."

We were back in the main room, Jasper and Alice watching our "practice session" as we would be doing something different—what that might be, I had no idea.

Beautiful blonde Kate approached us, taking her place unsmilingly at my side. Her absence of expression worried me as Kate had been the unofficial "life of the party" since her arrival in our home, teasing Carlisle and Esme, hanging out with Rose and Alice, needling the guys, and always laughing and chatting warmly with everyone, all of whom obviously regarded her as part of the family.

However, Kate had been a little distant with me but friendly enough all the same; I figured that our relationship would warm considerably as we got to know each other better. Besides, I was more than a little curious as to Kate's part in my "training."

"Bella, let's see if you are as immune to Kate's 'gift' as you are to the rest of us," Eleazar said, his eyes alight with curiosity.

Glancing at Kate quickly, I noted a slight smugness to the set of her jaw. "What is your talent, Kate?" I asked. Edward had informed me that giftedness among our kind was quite rare, but it seemed that several of the Cullen and Denali family members were among the elite group of vampires with special talents.

Kate held up her hand, palm up. "Touch me," she offered, a sly gleam in her eye.

Edward stiffened next to me, releasing my hand and stepping away from me slightly, breathing erratically. His caution was causing my own breath to hitch with fear; Edward seemed to be expecting something horrible to happen to me as a result of touching Kate. His wide-eyed concern certainly didn't help to bolster my confidence, but after a nod from Eleazar to do as Kate asked, I took a deep breath to calm myself.

Extending a tentative index finger, I touched it to the center of Kate's palm, not sure what to expect.

Nothing happened.

I looked at Edward curiously, wondering what everyone seemed to be waiting to happen…but didn't. His obvious relief was odd—he really had been expecting something to happen to me—something definitely unwelcome and unpleasant.

"Place your palm fully against mine," ordered Kate, her smugness vanishing quickly.

Frowning, I did as I was asked.

Nothing happened again.

"Was something supposed to happen?" I asked, pulling my hand away as I tried to ignore Edward's rather satisfied smile as he pulled me into his side and pressed a kiss to the top of my head; Jasper and Alice also seemed quite surprised.

In fact, everyone did. Their awestruck expressions would have been amusing if I had the slightest clue as to what was going on.

What had I done that was so shocking?

Speaking with repressed excitement to me as he approached Kate, Eleazar answered, "Yes, Bella. Kate had quite a powerful offensive gift, one she has been honing for over ten centuries. Allow me."

With these words, Eleazar reached out and touched his index finger gingerly to Kate's palm. Immediately he stiffened, shaking violently as if he were being electrocuted as fell to his knees, trying to pull away from her hand.

"Aw, you're no fun, Eleazar," grinned Kate, her satisfaction returning. "You never scream like everyone else."

Eleazar turned back to me, his voice trembling slightly as he explained. "Kate's talent has strengthened over time; at first it was only concentrated in her palms, but now with training we've done together over the years, Kate can leave a vampire totally immobilized while feeling as if he or she was undergoing an electric shock by touching them with any part of her body, or if they touch her anywhere."

Utterly gobsmacked, I stared at my palm—on which nothing had unexpected had happened—then at Kate's smug expression.

Eleazar continued his explanation, "The fact that you, Bella, cannot be floored by Kate's gift reveals the type of your shield; it's definitely defensive. That is, your shield will protect you. But now we have to see if you can do anything else with it."

"Such as?" I asked.

"All right, Bella," Eleazar spoke in his usual "training" voice—calm, without emotion, steady, slightly expectant, as he bypassed my pointed question. "Close your eyes and this time I want you to concentrate on protecting yourself rather than lifting your protection as you've been trying to do."

"Don't I do that already with this 'shield'? Automatically?" I asked, confused.

"Yes, you do. But I want you to protect yourself deliberately now. Concentrate on your shield. Draw it tightly around you. Protect your mind and your body at all costs."

Obediently I closed my eyes and tried to do what Eleazar asked. It felt odd to be trying to marshal my protection around me after a full week of trying to lift it off. But I imagined my shield and gathered it around me tightly.

As I concentrated, I heard Eleazar's softy-spoken question. "Bella, what does your shield look like to you?" He paused for a moment before directing me further. "Don't open your eyes and don't overthink it—give me the first answer that comes to your mind."

"A cloak," I whispered, and just then I could imagine my shield—a filmy cloak, almost like the invisibility cloak in Harry Potter, which I drew tightly around me, covering me from head to foot, my head far back in the capacious hood.

"Excellent," praised Eleazar. "That's perfect, Bella. Now continue to gather it around you. Good. Now try to thicken your cloak—make it absolutely impenetrable."

I felt my brow furrow as I concentrated, imagining my cloak becoming more woolen than flimsy, growing thicker, more tightly woven, more dense.

But my shield most certainly did not muffle Kate's exclamation, and I felt my shield loosen and become thinner as her whispered hisses reached my ears.

"You've got to be joking, Edward!" Kate exclaimed. "You know that you led Tanya on. And I don't appreciate being separated from both of my sisters…just because of you and Miss 'I Have a Talent But Can't Do Anything With It.' You angered Irina on purpose, and then you deliberately insulted Tanya. My sister has always loved you, Edward—for decades. And this is how you treat her?"

"You know that isn't so, Kate," Edward hissed back, his tone frustrated and angry. "I never encouraged Tanya. Not once. And I can't help it if Irina took her side—it was wrong of her to do so when the family should be staying together during these troubled times."

"These times are only 'troubled' because of your little 'gifted one,' Edward. Just look at yourself in the mirror. You are all stressed out over nothing. You need to relax, to get away from it all. Tanya knows of this little private beach in the Mediterranean Sea, and she'd love to have you join her. Alone, of course—you'll have to leave your new 'toy' at home."

Edward laughed—but in a way that I had never heard him laugh before—ugly, cruel, with the intent to injure. "You have GOT to be joking, Kate. There is no way that I want anything more to do with Tanya—who obviously cannot understand the simple two-letter word, 'NO.' And you and Irina are just as bad—always matchmaking for Tanya and me while all three of you sleep with just about any human male you see…."

That ugly, derisive laughter echoed through the room as Edward went in for the proverbial "kill"; I felt my eyes widen at his unaccustomed language. "Tanya will fuck any man, vampire or human, who looks at her admiringly…and you and your sister aren't any better. You always criticize the 'vamp sluts' who fuck any guy in a cape just for the thrill of perhaps finding a real vampire behind the makeup and fake fangs. But Tanya, Irina, and yourself—what's the difference?" Edward's voice was hard and scathing, and I found myself stepping toward him to attempt to calm him. These ugly words and attitude were something I had never seen from Edward before.

And I didn't like it; I didn't know that he was capable of such wrong words. Kate must really know how to push his buttons.

The house was absolutely and completely silent as the rude jest from Edward hit home with everyone.

And his hissed insults provided the last straw for Kate.

Palms outstretched and with a loud screech on her lips, Kate rushed at Edward, obviously intending to shock him severely.

Without thinking, I ran toward Edward, wrapping my arms around his waist at the same moment that I spun my shield outward like a cloak, covering Edward as well as myself just before Kate's palms contacted him.

With Kate's shocking forces obviously on full strength, Edward should have been on the ground, screaming in pain. But he stood there, stunned to silence, as Kate grabbed each of us roughly by the arm.

And we felt nothing except for the grip of Kate's fingers.

_No shock. _

My eyes must have been huge, but Edward did not look surprised in the least; he looked exultant and…proud.

Then I was being embraced in Edward's arms as his joyful laugh, like celebratory church bells, rang through the house. I peeped at the others from beneath Edward's arm to see Eleazar hugging Kate and spinning her around, and Jasper and Alice were also in each other's arms.

"It worked!" Eleazar practically shouted. "By god, it worked!"

I peered up at Edward with narrowed eyes, and he had the grace to seem abashed.

"I apologize, love, for the pretend argument between myself and Kate," he said contritely. "But it was necessary. We had to see if you would react automatically if you thought one of us was in danger. And, as you saw, it worked."

My narrowed eyes didn't release Edward although in my heart I was already in the process of forgiving him.

Remaining in the circle of his arms, I asked quietly, "So you planned this? You and Jasper and Eleazar and Kate? You all planned and plotted how to scare me into reacting?"

The celebratory mood of the room had dissipated during my quiet questions; I saw Eleazar and Jasper exchange worried glances.

_Good._ I was feeling a little vindictive now…and quite foolish to boot. While my head understood the necessity for their subterfuge, my heart felt a combination of sadness, embarrassment, and anger at their theatrics, necessary though they may have been.

Trying to mend fences, Eleazar stepped toward me, one arm outstretched in supplication. "Bella, we had to test the extent of your gift. We wouldn't have tried to fool you otherwise. If we had informed you of what we were planning, the ploy would not have worked; you would have tried to control your responses, and we wouldn't have seen what you are truly capable of doing."

I knew he was right.

But that didn't mean that I was going to make this easy on him.

Or on the rest of them.

Except for Edward, of course. Chagrin shone from his eyes, and he looked absolutely miserable.

Clandestinely I squeezed his hand; he squeezed back, and I felt him relax slightly as he realized that I wasn't too upset with him.

Okay, okay, I wasn't really that upset with the rest of them, either. I understood why they had to keep me in the dark.

But it didn't mean that I had to like it.

Or that I wouldn't wreak my revenge.

Or at least play a trick on them.

My attention moved to Jasper standing only two feet away from me, Alice at his side. Frowning, he appeared rather concerned as the emotional climate of the room remained tense. Because he couldn't read me, he didn't know—except through Edward's palpable relief—that I had forgiven my fiancé already.

But I also knew that this kind of plan required a mastermind and that Jasper was most likely the one behind it all.

However, I had a little plan of my own.

And Jasper was _not_ going to like it.

Closing my eyes, I gathered my shield around me, thickening it, giving it a swirl around me just as a heavy woolen cloak would.

And with all of my mental strength, I swirled my shield outward, enveloping Jasper in it as well.

Panicking, Jasper stiffened, his eyes flicking to each of us, wondering why he could detect no emotions from anyone. Meanwhile, the quiet conversation between Kate and Eleazar continued uninterrupted which freaked Jasper out even further.

"What's going on?" he asked the room at large, panic in his eyes.

While everyone's attention turned to Jasper who was obviously on edge (to say the least) I buried my face in Edward's broad chest, trying to disguise my rather vindictive smile. I squeezed his hand again, letting him know not to worry.

"What is it?" Eleazar asked, obviously concerned, as Carlisle, Esme, and the rest of the Cullens plus Carmen entered the room on high alert.

Now we had the whole family involved.

Perfect.

"I cannot detect anyone's emotions. I feel…nothing," Jasper explained, growing visibly more anxious.

"When did this begin?" Carlisle demanded, his brow furrowing.

Okay, I knew my little trick had gone far enough; I didn't want the entire family panicking.

Just Jasper.

After all, he deserved it for making me think that Edward was in danger from Kate's shocking little talent.

I couldn't help it. A snort of laughter, muffled by Edward's chest, broke the tense silence following Carlisle's question.

Lifting my face from its very comfortable and highly desirable spot, I glared playfully at Jasper, growling, "That's what you get for plotting against me, Mr. Whitlock."

His eyes almost bugged right out of his head as he realized what I had done.

"I've had my fun, so I'll let you go now," I stated magnanimously, and then swirled my shield from around him to back around myself only.

Jasper's relief at the return of his emotional empathy was almost cute, but then I noted the thoughtful stares I was receiving from every single vampire in the room.

Feeling defensive, I said, "It was all in fun, everyone. I just wanted to get back at him a little because I knew he was probably the one behind the plan to make me defend Edward."

My fiancé had the grace to look abashed as he addressed me in a soft voice. "Actually, love, it was my plan to begin with; Jasper and Eleazar merely helped to iron out the details." From the concern in his eyes, I knew that he was worried about my response to this news.

To tell the truth, it actually didn't surprise me that Edward was behind the plan; it made perfect sense. After all, he knew me better than anyone else here, so he also recognized the most effective way to evoke a response from me.

Wrapping my arms around him, I whispered, knowing our family would hear every word anyway, "You're already forgiven." Reaching up on my tiptoes, I pressed my lips to his for a quick kiss.

But Edward captured my body against his, lifting me so that he could deepen the kiss. The other people in the room faded from my consciousness; only Edward existed…Edward and his passionate kisses. I sighed as he parted my lips to explore my mouth oh-so-thoroughly, and we both surrendered to the overwhelming feeling of being loved, adored, and together.

Somehow Alice's annoyed voice reached through the haze of passion that enveloped us. "Jasper, that's enough!"

Then I realized that Jasper was amping up our loving response to one another, thus wreaking his own brand of revenge.

Edward allowed me to slide down his hard (and very hard, indeed!) body, and, embarrassed, we hid our faces in each other's shoulders.

"All right—no more taking revenge. Everyone is declared 'even.' Understood?" Carlisle stated with quiet authority. As I turned my attention to him, though, I noted the smallest quirk of amusement at the corner of his mouth.

Meanwhile, Edward was glaring as Jasper for piling on the passion; after all, I had intended only a chaste kiss, but Jasper had increased our emotions to get me back for robbing him of his empathic abilities.

Technically, we were _not _even; I still deserved one more turn, but I was willing to leave the situation as it was.

_For now._

Eleazar stepped forward to speak to all of us, Cullens and Denalis alike. "We've made some vital discoveries today, some planned and some not," he winked at me. "Bella may not be able at this time to lift her shield, but she can extend it both consciously and unconsciously to envelop others. She protected herself and Edward from Kate's gift, then she purposefully blocked Jasper's gift."

Wow. I hadn't even thought about what I was doing when I had plotted my little revenge upon my brother. Somehow I just knew that I could indeed do it, but I didn't realize how significant a development it was.

Eleazar continued with quiet decision, "I will continue to train Bella for a few more days, and then I think I can turn her training over to Jasper and Edward while Kate, Carmen, and I return to Denali. Obviously we have some fences to mend with Irina and Tanya, and I don't like being separated from them for as long as we have been. But, as I stated before, I've felt that training Bella is of the utmost importance. I—"

Eleazar was interrupted by a soft cry from Alice; as we turned toward the unfamiliar sound of her distress, her eyes were unfocused, her face tight with panic. "I-I can't see anything past the next five minutes," she whispered urgently. "Nothing. Our futures all simply…disappear."

-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-

_**A/N: This may be the longest chapter to date—almost 6000 words! **_

_**Thanks for all of your lovely reviews—I was able to respond to some of them—I hope to be able to respond to more this week once I get all my essays graded. **_

_**My next update will be probably next Thursday or Friday at the latest. We'll see. ;) **_

_**Thanks to NaNoWriMo, I'm now drafting Chapter 54; it looks like we'll finish up with Chapter 55, not counting all the outtakes and extras. **_

_**Wishing you all a Happy Thanksgiving!**_

_**Much love,**_

_**Cassandra :)**_

_**xxxooo **_


	54. Chapter 51

**Chapter 51**

_"I-I can't see anything past the next five minutes," Alice whispered urgently. "Nothing. Our futures all simply…disappear._

**-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-**

It took a mere moment before mates were clutching mates, preparing for the worst. The males automatically stepped in front of their females, all vampires lowering themselves into defensive crouches, eyes warily scanning our surroundings from every angle.

The level of alertness to possible danger was unreal among our family of vampires. Jasper was perhaps the most attuned to being at this level of awareness from his past in the Southern vampire wars, but everyone was on high alert as I had never seen them before.

And I found myself instinctively behaving in precisely the same manner as the rest of my family. A low growl rumbled from my chest as all of my senses were at the height of possible acuteness. My hearing stretched outward, my mind alert for any sound that was not natural to our usual surroundings. My breathing was quick as I used my sense of smell to locate any strange scent as my eyes scanned our locale. My sense of touch was very aware of Edward in front of me, his back moving under my fingers as he, too, sniffed the air for foreign scents.

From the way that Edward suddenly tensed in front of me, emitting a warning hiss through tightly-clenched jaws, I had a feeling that the worst had indeed arrived.

"They're back," he ground out, exchanging a significant look with Jasper and Emmett.

"Who is back?" Carlisle questioned tersely, his glance at Edward sharp and demanding, so unlike him.

"Who do you think?" Jasper snapped. "Shit, I can feel their thirst for revenge even from here. I can tell you that they are coming with no hint of mercy—except for one of them. But the vast majority? They plan to destroy every one of us."

"Every one of us, except me, you mean," corrected Edward in a low, tight voice.

"The wolves," Rosalie whispered. "But why do they want to save Edward?"

"They are trying to hide something," Edward reported. "They suddenly divert their thoughts to thinking of their surroundings when their minds start to go a certain direction. They're trying to concentrate only of their plan tonight and how they can't wait to kill each of us…but spare me."

"To make you suffer more?" Carlisle asked bleakly. Already unbelievably tense, I somehow stiffened at Carlisle's question.

Did the wolves want revenge _that_ badly on the man I love, in order to punish me for Jacob's death?

Or is it because Edward changed me?

After all, I've learned that vampires are the mortal enemies of the Quileute shape-shifters, and the Cullens adding me—even though they barely knew me—to the stock of vampires on the Olympic Peninsula may be something that the pack would seek revenge over.

But why Edward? After all, there was no way they could know. No one outside of our family knew that Edward was the one who changed me into Cullen…in every way.

"I don't know," Edward answered, his voice scattering my thoughts. "But if any of them come after Isabella, they are going to have to kill me first, no matter what they're trying to hide from us, from me."

Shivering in fear at his words, I tried to keep my mind clear…to not allow myself to sink into the dread and fear of the last wolf attack….

_The attack which I had not technically survived. _

Silently I slipped my trembling fingers into Edward's welcoming hand, and his comforting pressure in return helped me to breathe more easily.

For a split-second, anyway.

At the identical moment, both Jasper and Eleazar turned to me, their expressions deadly serious. "Bella," Eleazar said, "you are our secret weapon. We ourselves are only beginning to discover the extent of your gifting, so obviously the pack cannot know what you are capable of doing—and how you may be capable of protecting those you love."

For the tiniest moment, I panicked at the pressure Eleazar just loaded on me, but then I let their confidence in me buoy my spirits, increase my own vengeful feelings toward the pack. Closing my eyes, I let myself remember what I wanted so badly to forget.

The pack had done nothing to protect me from Billy and Jacob—finally one person from the tribe had dared to cross Billy, calling CPS after I had endured years of isolation and abuse, but I seriously doubted that the whistleblower was a member of the pack. Only Sam had protected me that horrible night on the beach when Jacob had tried to rape me. And I remembered what had happened just recently: how they had allowed Jacob to come here to challenge the Cullens once before….

On the night Jacob killed me.

So I let the anger and the thirst for revenge fill me. When I was ready, truly ready, I opened my eyes and met Edward's concerned gaze.

Slowly I nodded meaningfully, and Edward's pained eyes hardened, becoming like mine.

Angry.

Determined.

Resolved.

Ready to fight…and triumph.

The wolf pack's intent to kill me obviously disturbed my fiancé, but a hint of pride in me also gleamed deep in his fury-blackened eyes.

"Bella," Jasper continued as if nothing had happened between my mate and myself. "Remain hidden behind Edward as much as possible. It is imperative that you not fight."

"Why not?" I challenged, more than ready to kick some serious wolf ass.

Edward answered my question instead of Jasper, his tone even. "We have not yet trained you in battle, and the wolves' main reason for existing is to kill vampires. They are strong enough, lethal enough, to destroy a fully-fledged vampire, much less an untrained newborn—despite your strength and incredible control. Just stay behind me and, no matter what happens, Isabella, do _not_ go off on your own." Edward's tone was detached, but his eyes were full of pain and…yes, fear.

_Fear for me. _

"I can fight," I objected loudly, more than willing to help defend our family.

"Isabella," Carlisle said gently, "you will most likely be far more valuable in using your shield from a protected position than most of us will be in fighting. This entire battle may depend upon you…and your gifting."

Okay then….

No pressure.

But I nodded in understanding. It was good to know that I wasn't going to be completely useless in this fight, even if I wasn't able to rip and tear into the Quileutes the way I wanted to.

Except for Sam.

I couldn't believe that Sam was out to kill me after all he had done to save my life the night that Jacob had attacked me, even taking me to Carlisle, his mortal enemy, to save my life. Sam had been tricked by Jacob the day of the battle here, too, the day on which I had lost my human life. Jacob had gone behind his back to rally the other pack members to attack the Cullens; Sam had gone along reluctantly with the plan, acquiescing to the majority, but he had held back, prepared to defend himself but refusing to attack our family.

But there was no way that the Quileutes would be fighting today without Sam's approval; after all, he was the boss, the "alpha."

Especially with no Jacob to pull another trick on him.

"They are coming into hearing range now," warned Edward. "No one can discuss what we just planned, especially about our 'secret weapon.'"

Wow. Secret weapon?

That was kind of flattering, you know? 

All of us remained silent as Edward tracked to the minds of out attackers. Once he could ferret out their strategy, Jasper would plot our strategy.

Despite all of the mayhem the Quileutes had caused our family, I was impressed that all of the Cullens, even gung-ho Emmett, did not seem to relish this fight. The grim set of the faces around me indicated that this was a necessary but repugnant task, one that each Cullen approached reluctantly.

"I can't believe it," breathed Edward a few moments later, his expression becoming anxious, then furious.

"What is it?" Carlisle asked, tensing even more at Edward's words and manner.

"They killed Sam this morning," Edward replied, his tone shocked and angry.

"Oh my," I breathed. Sam was the humane one, the only one who could keep those wild boys in line.

"I know," agreed Edward sadly. "Apparently the younger pack members have been spoiling to avenge Jacob's death, but Sam held them back. Until today."

The room was silent and still as we all tried to absorb the news that Edward had just revealed.

"Who's the new alpha, then?" Jasper asked.

Holding his hand palm outward, Edward wordlessly asked Jasper to wait as he continued to listen to the minds of the pack. "They're hiding something. Every time one of them starts to think in a certain direction, they steer their minds toward their immediate surroundings."

We waited again as Edward tracked the pack's thoughts. With each passing minute, Edward and Jasper became more serious, with significant glances exchanged between them every few moments. The mood in the room was incredibly tense as we waited for more news that would alert us regarding the pack's plans to act against us so that we could counter that attack.

Then Edward straightened suddenly, a deep, menacing growl rising from his chest. "Paul is the alpha now," he hissed.

The mood among us became even more serious. Paul was, by far, the most volatile pack member, surpassing even Jacob in his thirst for violence and revenge. With Paul in charge, we had no chance of talking our way out of this battle; we would be fighting for our very existence, and we could expect no mercy whatsoever from the pack.

Carlisle was aghast. "I can't believe that the pack is doing this," he said quietly. As always, Carlisle was one to seek a peaceful solution. But I also knew Paul—and the last thing on his mind would be a peaceful solution.

Not when he could be ripping vampires to shreds and burning their remains to ashes.

Jasper shot Carlisle a meaningful look. "Carlisle, the tone of their thoughts is violent and bent on revenge; they mean to kill us and to show no mercy."

Carlisle nodded reluctantly, his eyes saddened. Fighting—defending ourselves—truly was our only option in this situation. But any potential loss of life—even the lives of our enemies—was grievous to Carlisle. And it was one of the reasons I loved and respected him so.

Edward picked up Jasper's point, relaying their thoughts. "They know that I turned Bella, and even though they didn't claim much affection or loyalty toward her, the fact that we created another vampire is their secondary reason for attacking, after our killing Jacob."

Shocked, I asked, "How did they learn that I became a vampire?"

Edward shook his head. "I don't know. Even if they had seen you in your present form—which would be next to impossible as I would have detected their thoughts if they were close enough to see you—they would not know that I was the one who changed you. Obviously they could make an educated guess, but they aren't guessing; they _know_. And they are acting on that knowledge."

"Then what the hell are we waiting for?" exclaimed Emmett. He had been quietly waiting, anticipating orders—quite a change from his usual restlessness. I had never seen Emmett so still and so focused, but he seemed to be rapidly approaching the end of his patience.

"We're waiting for an indication of their plans as I track their thoughts. Right now we're best off here in the house rather than heading outside where we are more of a target," Edward responded.

Silence reigned for several long moments as we watched Edward's impassive face as he listened to the thoughts of our enemy creeping toward us, bent on attack. Vampires were so still while waiting—not a twitch of muscle, not a shift of expression. Stone-still—waiting, waiting, waiting.

Out of nowhere, Edward suddenly bounded upward from his tense half-crouch. "They're gathering outside the house. And they have a human with them. A hostage."

"Whom do they have?" Esme asked tersely.

My fiancé glanced down at me for a moment, his eyes sorrowful as he answered, "Jane Fairfield."

Emmett cursed and Carlisle's eyes grew huge with shock. Mrs. Jane—my first rescuer, my friend—the only one who had stood up to Billy and Jacob on my behalf—the one who bought me school supplies and a purple backpack when I had nothing. Mrs. Jane—so kind and forthright and indomitable.

Until now.

A weak human, just as I used to be, Mrs. Jane was now a pawn in a deadly chess match between two groups of immortal monsters.

It would take a miracle of epic proportions to save her life today.

"Is she all right?" I asked my fiancé, my voice barely audible.

Edward nodded. "She is panicky but unharmed thus far. Although from the scattered glimpses I've been getting of their plans, they do not plan for her to remain unhurt for much longer, however."

Carlisle, Esme, and I exchanged panicked glances; we were the ones who knew and loved my tough but compassionate social worker the most.

_Please God, _I prayed, _please keep Mrs. Jane safe…and all of us safe. We need you. Protect us, please. _I don't remember the last time I prayed, but now seemed a great time to pick the childhood habit up again.

"What's their plan, Edward?" Jasper inquired, interrupting my prayer, his voice low enough as to not alert the keen hearing of the wolf pack.

Edward's jaw fell agape as he somehow caught onto the pack's plans; we all noticed my fiancé's panic…and anger.

Whatever the pack was planning, it had enraged Edward.

And a furious Edward was dangerous…for he didn't always stop to think through the consequences of his actions when anger got the best of him…as it obviously was doing now.

"We don't have time for explanations," Edward practically shouted at us all. "Everyone outside—NOW!"

Immediately we were on Edward's heels as he raced out the backdoor and across the sloping lawn. As he halted on the riverbank, we spread out along the edge of the river as it provided a clear boundary line for us to defend the property.

As I stood beside Edward, with Carlisle on his other side, we crouched into position. Through the forest straight ahead of us, we could hear the approach of wolf paws, plus the shuffling steps of two humans and the addition of two human heart beats, one racing with panic and the other fairly calm. One of the wolves must be in his human form in order to bring Mrs. Jane here.

Slipping from the woods on the other side of the river appeared wolf after wolf—gray, sandy blonde, chocolate brown, ashy-brown, blue-black, charcoal gray with black spots, auburn, a slightly lighter brown, another blonde, a grayish white, salt and pepper, dark brown, a light gray. And they kept coming and coming.

They lined up exactly as we were along the opposite river bank, half-crouched and growling.

Twenty-three of them in all.

More than double our numbers.

Then Edward released an expletive I rarely heard from his lips as the sound of footsteps-one person walking and another being partially dragged—emanated from the forest. Carlisle and I shot Edward concerned glances, but he indicated that we should focus our full attention on the wolves and whomever was accompanying them.

From among the trees stepped a triumphant Paul, pulling Mrs. Jane along behind him as she continued to struggle against him the best she could.

Even though I had expected to see her, the very idea that a wolf had her in his possession evoked a deadly combination of rage and resolve—rage at the audacity of the pack for attacking us for any reason whatsoever, and the resolve to bring Mrs. Jane through this crisis, alive and fully human.

Paul's eyes were alight with malice as he yanked Mrs. Jane forward, forcing her to her knees in front of him. She, of course, possessed sufficient spirit to glare up at him balefully.

_ Yeah. Go Mrs. Jane. _

Quickly I ascertained the reasoning behind Mrs. Jane's balance of fight and submission; she was smart enough not to rile Paul up unnecessarily, but she was also letting him know that she wasn't scared of him, either. As her eyes noticed, then scanned across our family in our line along the opposite river bank, she seemed confused, her glance returning to me over and over.

After all, I was supposed to be still recovering from my Jacob-induced injuries and here I was, standing straight and tall, and looking quite a bit more like Miss America than either of us had anticipated.

But that wasn't important now.

I nodded to her in silent greeting, and Mrs. Jane relaxed a bit.

But I knew that the crisis was really just beginning….

Grinning insolently, Paul's eyes roamed our line, sizing us up. His gaze rested on me with some surprise; I glared back at him, repressing a threatening growl.

"Well, well," Paul said softly, not breaking our gaze. "Bella Swan is a weak human no longer. No longer a punching bag for a cripple or…" his eyes clouded for a moment as he brought up Jacob's name, "a sex toy for the pack alpha."

I growled at his untruths. "Lies," I spat.

Paul pretended to be surprised, placing a hand innocently over his heart (which was definitely "two sizes too small"). "So Billy didn't leave you bruised and covering his handiwork heavily in makeup? And Jacob didn't enjoy your…assets? He told us some quite entertaining details about you, Bella Swan."

"Jacob wasn't the alpha," I shot back, pulling away from Edward's restraining hand as he tried to calm me.

"Oh, actually, Jacob was the alpha," Paul stated, smiling with satisfaction. "He turned it down, though, because he wanted to be 'more human' for the girl he loved—you, of course." Paul's voice became increasingly bitter as he continued, "Stupid move on Jake's part—leaving us with 'Sam the Bleeding-Heart' who takes you to the leeches and then refuses to attack them. But Jacob was willing to do anything for you, even refuse his birthright. Once upon a time, you were all that Jacob wanted, but now you've become everything he hated most. A bloodsucker…just like them." He spat at the ground in disgust.

Mrs. Jane's eyes swiveled from Paul to me in some confusion; obviously his words about my no longer being human were confusing and troubling to her. Yet once he started taunting me about Billy and Jacob, her own anger was provoked—I saw it flashing in her eyes. But she wisely kept her feelings hidden from the volatile Paul.

Swallowing my rage as I worked to gain control of my anger, I replied to Paul as coolly as I could, "Jacob was a liar and a monster. Your 'sex toy' remark is a fucking joke. The one and only time he tried to 'have his way with me' was on his birthday at the beach—right there in front of you all." I ignored Paul's first taunt about Billy; that fact did approach the truth far too closely, but I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of admitting it and hoped instead that Paul wouldn't return to the topic.

But my anger was nearly a physical force around me, pulsating with the desire to damage, to maim, to kill the new alpha of the pack as he mocked me and the Blacks' inhumane treatment of me…and tried to make me feel guilty for Jacob's rotten choices.

Once upon a time, I would have crumpled in guilt. But no more.

In fact, I was completely and utterly pissed at Paul…and at Jacob and Billy and everyone who had hurt me or allowed me to be hurt. Trembling with the effort of containing my building wrath, I concentrated on not endangering my family by reacting…which I was sure was what Paul wanted me to do.

My deduction as to Paul's motivations was almost immediately strengthened by Edward. "Easy, love," he warned me in a low voice as he squeezed my hand comfortingly. "He's trying to rile you up and get you to attack first. Don't fall for it."

Giving Edward a quick nod to indicate I had heard him, I decided to turn the tables a bit on Paul, perhaps take his smugness down a notch or two.

"So where's Sam?" I asked quietly, knowing the answer but wanting him to admit what he and the pack had done himself.

Visibly uncomfortable with my question, Paul stepped forward to grab Mrs. Jane's arm and haul her to her feet, holding her close to his side as if preparing for our attack as he answered.

"Sam isn't here," he growled.

"That wasn't the question she asked, dog," Emmett hissed. "Where is your alpha?"

Paul sneered, "I am the alpha of this pack. Sam was…holding us back from avenging the life of our brother and thus had to be…dealt with."

"But in order for you to be alpha, Sam would have to be dead, wouldn't he?" Rosalie shot out, her hard eyes glittering.

_Yeah, try answering that question diplomatically, Paul…. _

"Sometimes there is a price to pay to make things right," Paul replied, his eyes curiously devoid of emotion.

"So Sam paid the ultimate price, did he now?" Jasper asked pointedly.

A few of the smaller (thus probably the younger) members of the pack growled unhappily at Jasper's question, but with a quick hand motion and order from Paul, all was silent once again.

"Sam was an obstacle to our returning honor to our pack. He refused to avenge Jacob's death—the true alpha of the pack—at the hands of your coven, and then he refused to attack when we found out that Bella became…" he paused, looking completely disgusted, "what she is."

While the other wolves shifted their feet in apparent distress over my "vampirization," a low growl emanated from my chest.

_How dare they judge me!_

_Especially when my change was a direct result of the actions of this pack!_

But then I felt Edward's restraining hand on my wrist. Glancing to the side at him, I frowned but obeyed when his eyes warned me to be silent.

Edward returned Paul's icy stare with interest. "And how exactly did you find out about Isabella?"

Paul straightened defiantly. "From a source that not even you would dispute," he stated, his eyes narrowing.

Edward merely raised an eyebrow in challenge.

Paul flipped open a cell phone, hit a few buttons, and the phone started ringing. With our vampiric hearing allowing us to hear both sides of any phone conversation, we were all leaning forward, waiting to listen to whomever Paul was calling. But the person who answered did not speak; there was only the "click" of the connection. Paul lazily ordered, "Now," before closing the phone and grinning at us.

"The witnesses will arrive momentarily," he informed us.

_Witnesses? _

I felt rather than heard the stirrings in our line as our family shifted uncomfortably, sensing, as I did, that something was horribly, dreadfully wrong.

My sense of foreboding deepened as Edward's head yanked up toward the woods from which the pack had appeared. The sounds of two vampires approaching at a full run from the west heading straight east toward the river where we were now congregated put us all on high alert as we lowered ourselves to half-crouches, ready to fight if needed.

Only now must these two "witnesses" have entered the range of Edward's gift. From the expression of fury on his face, I could tell that not only did he recognize the two vampires, but he was beyond livid with anger at them.

I exchanged puzzled and worried glances with the rest of my family as we waited mere seconds for the vampires to enter the clearing.

Edward muttered an expletive as two familiar and unwelcome figures stepped daintily from the cover of the trees.

I'm sure that the eyes of my family members widened as mine did with the appearance of a very smug Tanya, Irina right on her Prada heels.

Paul glanced over his shoulder at the approaching vampires, then turned back to Edward, grinning insolently. "I suppose that introductions are not necessary," he gloated.

Tanya stepped around Mrs. Jane where she remained standing next to Paul, looking down at the human woman as if she were a pile of garbage. Mrs. Jane's panicked eyes continued taking in every bizarre detail of the unfolding scene.

I pushed my considerable worry for Mrs. Jane's future from my mind; I needed all of my attention fixed on the pack for, as they had just demonstrated, they were more than willing to do anything and everything to destroy us.

_Including allying themselves with other vampires. _

"But Edward should have been able to hear their thoughts and know they were here," Carlisle stated, glancing between Edward and the two Denali members on the opposite river bank.

Tanya laughed self-deprecatingly. "Oh, Carlisle, I know very well the extent of Edward's gift, so Irina and I waited just out of range. Plus, I have been practicing for years how to block my thoughts from Edward. Obviously I could only let him hear what I wanted for him to hear during our recent visit, especially since the arrival of the newest 'Cullen.'" Her last words were spoken resentfully, with a sneer directed at me.

Carlisle again took up the mantle of leadership. "So what is it that you want, Tanya? I don't see why this issue could not have been dealt with as a family, thus sparing us these dramatics?" he asked coldly.

"What none of you seem to understand," Tanya stated, her eyes moving along the line of our family but skipping over me as though I didn't exist, "is that Edward and I are mates—true mates. I've waited decades for him to finally admit his feelings for me, but he is stubborn, as you all know." Her laughter reminded me of wind chimes, but a shiver ran down my back at the same time as a manic tone was discernible behind her laughter.

Something was definitely "off" with Tanya. Even Irina was looking at Tanya with poorly-masked concern.

"Tanya, when did Edward ever indicate to you that you were his mate?" Carlisle asked softly.

"Every time he came to see me. Every time he invited me here. Every time his eyes meet mine I feel the strength of our connection," Tanya's voice purred sensually as her eyes raked over Edward's body lustfully.

Of course I was seeing red. But a quick glance from Carlisle calmed me, his eyes warning me to remain quiet, but it was only with great effort that I managed to refrain from once and for all removing all doubt from Tanya's unbalanced mind regarding who was truly Edward's mate.

Poor Edward looked completely stunned. "But your thoughts contained little of this subject whenever I was near you," he protested. "I knew that you liked me, certainly, and that you wanted a more intimate relationship, but I assumed that I was only one in a long line of conquests, one that was made more attractive only by refusing your advances."

Tanya tossed her head flirtatiously then winked at him. "No, Edward," she purred in that low, sexy voice that was the equivalent of nails down a chalkboard for me. "You've been the only one. The others," she waved her hand dismissively, "were merely there to pass the time until you came to your senses." She smiled warmly at my fiancé. "As you have now. The warmth in your eyes tells me that you want me to be yours always. You were just passing time with _her_," she indicated me with a jerk of her chin, "as I was with my human lovers until we could be together. Always."

Her eyes narrowed in hatred at me for a moment before Tanya's gaze fixed lovingly upon my mate, my fiancé. "As soon as my furry friends here tear _her_ to pieces, along with any members of your family who try to protect her, we will be together, Edward…forever."

**-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8- **

_**A/N: I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I'd love to know what you think about these latest developments. **_

_**Thanks to National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) 2012, I am ready to draft the final chapter of **_**Pinned but Fluttering **_**on the final day, TODAY, November 30, so all of the chapters remaining chapters are drafted but not yet revised**_**. **_**It looks like the final chapter will be Chapter 55, with a possible epilogue. I don't want to say more to give anything away…. **_

_**Thank you for all of your wonderful comments and reviews—I love hearing from each and every one of you. You're the reason I keep on writing! Thank you!**_

_**Much love to you all,**_

_**Cassandra :) **_


	55. Chapter 52

**Chapter 52**

_"As soon as my furry friends here tear __**her**__ to pieces, along with any members of your family who try to protect her, we will be together, Edward…forever." _

Aha. So this was the reason why Edward was to be spared by the wolves. In exchange for Tanya's information about me, the wolves pledged to leave Edward unharmed while they murdered the rest of our family.

Only Tanya could come up with a plan so…twisted…and, not to mention, ridiculous. As if Edward would just sit by and watch his family be slaughtered by the wolves in order to leave with Tanya.

She was even more insane than I had first thought.

Poor Edward seemed completely gobsmacked by Tanya's words; her thoughts must have matched what she had just spoken as he seemed absolutely horror-struck by her plan.

I wasn't surprised by Tanya's apparent delusions; I was growing angrier by the second, but I somehow managed to obey Carlisle's wordless request to stay where I was and let the events unfold…for everyone's sake. Starting the violence by attacking Tanya would only endanger all of us.

I really wished that Jasper's gift worked on me better. He had influenced my mood that one time when he had increased my and Edward's passionate feelings, but that was the only time it had been effective, and I didn't have time to wonder why. I just wished for him to fill me with calm before I came totally unglued in the face of Tanya's twisted and evil delusions.

It definitely took all of my control, plus some additional praying, for me to remain where I was, my jaws clenched in fury as I stared at Tanya, wishing that I could sink my nails into her, rip her to shreds, and burn every piece in a roaring bonfire.

I only wanted a little justice.

_Really. _

"But Tanya," Irina said, stepping toward her sister, her expression a little confused. "That is not what you said when we discussed Edward's transgressions before. You said that you wanted revenge for Edward's taking another mate instead of you after he had pledged his loyalty, his love, and his life to you. Are you saying that Edward made you no such promises? I would not have acted against our family for anything less than a broken pledge between sworn mates."

"Tanya, be reasonable," Carlisle spoke soothingly. "If Edward said that he made no such promises, then he is not pledged to you as a mate. As you have seen, Edward is spoken for; he and Isabella are engaged to be married."

"NO!" Tanya screeched. "Edward is mine, and all of you are keeping him from me! He wants to be with me—don't you, Edward? You are mine as I am yours, are you not?"

Her wild eyes were truly frightening. I was beginning to believe that the news of my and Edward's engagement had pushed her over the edge. She seemed completely unbalanced.

But Paul was obviously tired of Tanya's histrionics and wanted the attention back on himself and his agenda.

"No matter the reasons," he stated smoothly, "we obviously have an impeccable source regarding Bella's change. Tanya and her sister are witnesses to Bella's present state. Plus, they were witnesses to your discussions of Bella's change: you admitted to them that you were the one who bit her, Edward Cullen. And since you changed her, you Cullens have broken the treaty of peace between the Cullen Coven and the Quileute Tribe…which now permits us to declare war on you and fight to the death. And so we're here to claim our right to attack."

"You could not care less about Isabella's change. You never cared for her, never stepped in when Billy locked her away for years, abused her, let Jacob abuse her— " sneered Edward, but Carlisle motioned him to stop, and he reluctantly obeyed.

Paul didn't respond to Edward's challenge except to grin smugly, his arms folded across his chest.

"Before you attack," Carlisle addressed Paul calmly, "you need to be aware of the conditions of Isabella's change."

Paul remained silently impassive, so Carlisle continued.

"Edward and I had no choice but to change Isabella because Jacob attacked her. You accuse us of biting Isabella, Paul, and we admit to doing so, but only because Jacob bit her first, severing her carotid artery. The result of Jacob's unprovoked attack against an innocent girl caused life-threatening injuries. Despite our best efforts to save her, Isabella was on the point of bleeding to death. Only when there was no hope of preserving her human life did Edward transform her into our kind. Truly we had no choice; she nearly didn't survive as it was. Even her transformation to a vampire form was touch-and-go for a while. And the fault was not ours. Had Jacob not attacked, we would not have transformed Isabella." Carlisle's detached, clinical tone should have convinced Paul and the members of the tribe, but he gave no sign that he was convinced of anything.

I shivered for a moment at the thought of where I would be if the Cullens had not changed me, if Jacob had not attacked me. I would still be a weak invalid, perhaps just now starting physical therapy to learn to walk again. I would have been a fragile human, beloved by the Cullens but not their equal—as I now was.

Come to think of it, I could almost thank Jacob for the results of his unprovoked attack. I loved this "existence"—I couldn't imagine being happier than I was with Edward.

Unfortunately, Carlisle's clear, logical reasoning seemed to make no impact upon Paul.

"It would have been better for Bella if you had let her die rather than changing her into a soulless monster," Paul growled low in his chest.

His response sparked my temper. "Better in your opinion, maybe, Paul, but not in my opinion. I am so grateful for the Cullens who helped me to recover from Jacob's attack on the beach, then fought to protect me from all of you when Jacob and the rest of you decided to attack me and my family here. When Jacob tried to rip my throat out, the Cullens defended me. And when I was dying after Jacob ripped open my throat, the Cullens saved my life by changing me." I laughed derisively. "But I suppose that my opinion as the victim here means nothing to you."

Paul looked me evenly in the eyes. "Damn straight," he sneered.

Growling, I crouched lower in preparation to leap the river and wipe that smug sneer right off Paul's face…and perhaps decapitate him while I was at it.

However, Edward stepped in to prevent my launching over the river and taking out the annoying werewolf by grabbing both of my arms and wrenching them behind my back as I growled in frustration.

"It's not safe for Mrs. Jane," he whispered in my ear, and I dropped my attack posture reluctantly, recognizing the truth to his words.

_But how to get Mrs. Jane away from these beasts safely? _

A silent witness to this verbal swordplay between mythical monsters, Mrs. Jane's eyes remained huge with shock and wonder at the conversation between vampires and the giant wolves that constantly paced behind Paul. But if anyone could handle a glimpse into the supernatural beings that roamed this planet, Mrs. Jane could.

"So, Paul," Carlisle started, and it seemed as though he was trying to keep the agitated werewolf (or shape-shifter or whatever he was) talking…because keeping him talking was preventing him from doing anything violent to his hostage or to us. "Allow me to restate your position to be certain that I understand you correctly: You and your pack wish to attack my family because we changed Isabella into one of our kind in order to save her life, a life that was nearly lost because of the actions of one of your pack—"

Paul interjected quickly, "A member of our pack that you leeches murdered in cold blood. Yeah," he spat rudely.

Rosalie stepped forward, her eyes snapping with unconcealed rage. "I am the one who killed Jacob Black, so I would appreciate your directing your rudeness to me," she stated with a kind of majesty that was truly awe-inspiring.

The row of wolves on the other side of the river growled viciously at Rosalie; only Paul's quick hand motion settled them back into their impatient waiting mode.

Paul turned his eyes on Rosalie who stood there, her golden eyes snapping defiantly. "So you're the one I'll be killing first," he said softly.

I stepped forward to explain. "Rosalie was protecting her mate whom Jacob was attacking. And Emmett was being attacked because he was protecting me." I took a deep breath and leveled my glare on the cold-eyed alpha across the river from me. "Jacob came after me, Paul, a defenseless human. His plan was obviously to kill me. He ripped into my throat. And not only was I a mere human, I was still recovering from Jacob's first attack—the one that you yourself witnessed. The one that Sam and Emily rescued me from."

To my surprise, Paul laughed. "Yes, that was Sam. He'd rather take you to the leech" he nodded toward Carlisle, "than let you die. The rest of us had no such qualms. You would have been better off dead, then as well as now."

He took a step closer, his eyes no longer cold but alight with malice. "You, Bella Swan, will be the first to die tonight…well, after Blondie here. It will be my pleasure to rip your head from your body and burn you to ashes."

"You will have to get through the rest of our family first," Edward stated, his voice low yet filled with repressed emotion.

"That was what I was hoping you'd say," replied Paul smugly. The other wolves crouched further, ready to leap the river and attack at the merest signal from their new alpha. Only one wolf was not spoiling for a fight—a smaller sandy-brown wolf whose eyes shone at me with a trace of…compassion?

But I could not recall any of Jacob's La Push friends who had been kind to me at all, except for Sam at times.

Yet the expression in those great brown eyes, the only pair not vindictively narrowed at me, seemed familiar.

Wait…could that lone wolf possibly be…Seth?

Little Seth Clearwater who had hero-worshipped at the shrine of Jacob, who never missed the opportunity of hanging out at the Blacks' hovel. I remember his eyes clouding with confusion when Billy would say or do something hurtful to me, always turning to Jacob with questions in his clear eyes…questions that remained unanswered.

Seth could be on our side. But I didn't know how the alpha-thing worked; perhaps Seth would have no choice and would be forced to fight against us.

_ Fight and be killed. _

My heart wept for the sweet, young boy I had known a little—not that Billy had let me out to see him much, but he was forced to let some people see me from time to time in order to stave off rumors regarding his treatment of me. And the Clearwaters, with Harry being Billy's best friend, were the ones I saw the most. Leah didn't care two figs about me; Sam was the only thing on her mind back then…before Emily came along.

But my memories of Seth were suddenly clear and very sweet, for he reminded me of another young Quileute boy who also used to have clear, earnest brown eyes.

_ My Jacob._

But I steeled myself against my memories, against Jacob, against the pack of wolves the boys I had known had become. All my powers of concentration were needed now to defend my new family from my old one.

My musings about Seth had taken only a split-second; Paul still glowered at us, obviously ready to start what could be a decimating battle, one which I knew our family would win.

_But at what cost_?

Paul turned his eyes back to me. "Billy asked me to kill you first, Bella, and to make your death as long and as painful as possible. He said that you deserve pain and suffering, Bella Swan. First you robbed Billy of his wife and his ability to walk. Then you robbed him of his only son, the real alpha of the pack. So let's see what happens now."

Before I had a chance to refute Billy's accusation, Paul, grinning maliciously yet with alert eyes, pulled Mrs. Jane closer against his side. Her eyes were huge with fear, yet her lips were folded in a line of determination.

"Before we get started," Paul drawled, "our witnesses are welcome to leave. In gratitude for their invaluable assistance, I suggest that they leave now to _avoid any…errors in judgment_…that could occur in the midst of battle. I'd hate for one of us to kill one of you by mistake."

Tanya tossed her strawberry blond curls, her eyes resting on Edward with such heat that he looked down, embarrassed.

"Very well, Paul," she agreed smoothly. "Just remember our deal. Kill the new girl—kill them all—but save Edward for me. If you harm him, I will bring the Romanians down upon your little pack, and they will not be forgiving of you for killing vampires. You're lucky to have escaped their notice thus far."

Paul gave Tanya a curt nod of agreement. "We will do our best to keep him out of the battle."

Edward's low growl did not bode well for that promise being kept. It was my turn to restrain him with my newborn strength to keep him from leaping the river and attacking Tanya and Paul at that point.

Tanya gave Edward one parting glance over her shoulder, winked at him flirtatiously, then ghosted into the trees, leaving her family behind without a thought.

Eleazar cursed under his breath. "I had no idea that her mind had unhinged thus," he muttered, shaking his head. "I knew that Tanya thought of herself as attached to you, Edward, but I never foresaw her doing anything like this. To abandon her own family so heartlessly to fight a battle without her aid—it seems impossible."

Kate rolled her eyes as she replied, "I, too, knew that she was very attached to Edward, but I think seeing him with Bella and then seeing the proof of his regard for her with their engagement put her over the edge. Literally." Sadness as well as anger and frustration colored her tone as Kate gazed into the trees through which Tanya had vanished.

Still on the side of the river opposite us, Irina stepped forward. "I refuse to fight against the rest of my family," she told Paul in firm tones. "I was led here under false pretenses by my sister Tanya, and so I will not fight Kate, Eleazar, or Carmen…or Carlisle and his family, either. They've done nothing wrong as far as I can see, and I refuse to be party to your scheme to destroy them."

"Are you finished?" Paul asked in even tones, glaring at Irina.

"Yes, I am. I will return to my family now." But as Irina prepared to leap the river, Paul made a quick hand motion, and the dark brown wolf standing closest to Irina jumped her, neatly decapitated her, and then stepped back.

The whole incident had taken place in a split-second.

Paul's malicious grin took in the various shocked expressions of our family as we watched the wolf drag Irina's body, then her head, back toward a small campfire that had been burning in a narrow glade behind their line.

"Noooo!" Kate screamed, preparing to cross the river herself to save her sister.

"Stop her!" Edward cried. "We need to keep her on this side if we hope to avert a battle!"

Emmett grabbed onto Kate, but she shocked him as she attempted to free herself from his grip. Emmett, so strong and invincible, crumpled to the ground like a rag doll, his large body jerking in response to her electrocution.

Neatly dodging Edward's restraining hand, I raced toward Kate, knowing that I was the only one who could possibly stop her. As I ran, I saw Kate preparing to leap the river to fight the wolves. But as she leapt, her feet leaving the ground and her body arcing gracefully over the river, I, too, jumped after her, wrapping my arms around her waist and bringing both of us down into the middle of the raging river.

With my newborn strength and my shield protecting me from her talent, I was able to wrestle Kate back to our side of the river within a few seconds, too quickly for the wolves to do anything about it.

But as Kate and I gained the river bank and flopped onto the grass only a few feet past Rosalie's position in the line, Kate kept fighting me, struggling against me as she tried to attack those who were so brutally finishing her sister's existence.

My arms wrapped securely around Kate, we both watched helplessly as first Irina's body, then her head, were tossed into the fire. Plumes of lavender-gray smoke rose in graceful curls as Irina burned.

Kate stopped struggling in my arms, her flailing arms going limp as sobs began to shake her slim body pinned to the ground by my stronger grip.

"Kate, she's gone," I managed to whisper, my sympathy for Kate's loss profound. "If we fight now, we could lose more of us. Do you want that?"

Somehow Kate heard my words and, I think, felt my sympathy. No longer fighting me, she lay flat on her back, me sitting on her middle with her arms pinned to the ground on either side of her head, and started choking out great, tearless sobs.

As soon as I got to my feet, Esme was beside us, taking a crying Kate into her arms to comfort her.

After all, in a way, Kate had lost both of her sisters this day.

My wet clothes dripping, I glanced across the river and gave Paul a withering glare, surprising a look of shock and disappointment on his face.

"Your little ploy didn't work," I growled at him in satisfaction. "You thought we'd all come flying across the river to avenge Irina's death, didn't you?"

Carlisle stood beside my dripping form, placing an arm around my shoulders and whispering, "Thank you, Isabella."

I nodded in acknowledgement before glancing down our line to Edward whose eyes were alight with pride in how I had saved the tenuous situation.

Carlisle turned to Paul. "Shall we both just walk away now? There is no reason to allow additional lives to be lost this day, Paul. Please consider what is best for your pack, for your tribe."

Paul was obviously incensed at this turn of events and at Carlisle's offer of peace. His whole body was shaking, his large hands fisted in an attempt to retain his human form and not morph into a giant wolf.

"Time for Plan B," he managed to grind out between clenched teeth.

**-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-**

_**Thanks for reading, everyone! The popularity of this story continues to astound me. You wonderful reviews simply make my day! **_

_**I've completed a first draft of the rest of the story except for the Epilogue. Here's my plan for posting: **_

_** Chapter 53: Thursday, December 13**_

_** Chapter 54: Thursday, December 20**_

_** Chapter 55: Christmas Eve**_

_** Chapter 56: Thursday, December 27**_

_** Epilogue: New Year's Eve**_

_**The "last" chapter took an unexpected twist, so I had to add an additional chapter in order to tidy it all up. I hope I haven't left any huge gaps; I don't have a beta or a pre-reader, so I'm flying completely solo. Be kind. ;)**_

_**I can't believe that I'm this close to completing this journey. Thank you for your kind support. I wish I had time to respond to all of your amazing reviews, but I only have time to write in the wee small hours with my current schedule (I was up writing until 4:00 AM this morning), so I don't have time to respond to reviews at this time. But I save each one in a special file. You all inspire me! **_

_**Thank you for **__**everything**__**! **_

_**Much love,**_

_**Cassandra :D**_

_**xxxooo**_


	56. Chapter 53

**Chapter 53**

I exchanged worried glances with Edward and Carlisle, wondering what Paul's "Plan B" might entail and hoping against hope that violence would not result from whatever he was plotting.

As we watched with great concern, Paul slowly gained control over himself; his shaking slowed minutely, his eyes gradually became less wild until at last we could see sense returning. Finally he stood before us, breathing hard but at last in control of his monstrous side.

Unfortunately for us, though, Paul's "monstrous" wolf side was not much different from his monstrous plans in his human form.

As Paul grinned at us insolently, Edward tensed as he read the thoughts racing through Paul's mind. When Paul glanced down at Mrs. Jane who remained nearby, her eyes still huge as she took in all that had occurred between these supposedly mythical creatures, Edward cursed under his breath.

Frantically glancing down our line, Edward hissed so softly that Paul's enhanced hearing couldn't detect his warning. "Hold your breath, everyone! And look away from Mrs. Jane if you can't control yourself at the sight of blood!"

Edward's warning was perfectly timed as Paul reached into his pocket, pulled out a silver knife that he casually flipped open, and, grabbing Mrs. Jane's arm, sliced into her pale skin, creating a vertical gash from elbow to wrist. Mrs. Jane let out a cry of pain as the knife cut her flesh, but somehow she remained almost abnormally calm, probably thanks to Jasper who was sending out waves of calm over us all, to Mrs. Jane to ease her pain, to Paul and the wolves to prevent further violence, and to our family to keep us from falling into Paul's wily trap.

Paul's "Plan B" was now obvious: force the vampires to lose control over the scent and sight of Mrs. Jane's warm, pulsating blood, and when we leaped the river to drink from her, the wolves would kill us, one by one.

From the way they shifted in preparation, eyes fixed on certain targets apparently assigned to each of them, the wolves were more than ready—actually quite eager—to take us out. Only one wolf was hanging back, a sandy one with agony in his eyes who whined in protest before Paul glared at him, nodding toward us in unmistakable command.

But Edward's caution was perfectly timed. Jasper and Emmett not only held their breath but looked away from Mrs. Jane so that they wouldn't be tempted by the blood flowing down her arm and puddling on the river bank. The rest of us watched Paul warily, worried that he would injure Mrs. Jane further if we did not react to his bloodletting.

When I saw the blood dripping from Mrs. Jane's fingers, I had to swallow back the venom pooling in my own mouth and decided to look away also, just to be safe. Instead, I fixed my eyes on the beautiful man beside me; Edward gave me a small smile of approval, his glance warm with the love he felt for me despite the dire circumstanced confronting us.

I let the love in Edward's golden eyes fill me, empowering me to level a glare at Paul, a low growl rumbling in my chest in protest to his stooping to use a human as bait in order to lure and then kill my family.

My desire for the blood flowing from Mrs. Jane completely dissipated as I concentrated instead on Paul's crimes this day and the many ways that the Quileutes had acted against me since Sarah Black's death. After all, it was far easier to blame a non-tribe member, an outsider like me, than to place the responsibility on the tribal elder who was driving drunk and actually caused the accident….

Paul would pay…as would any wolf who tried to harm my family. My back straightened with my resolve, my fingers flexing as I prepared to finish the creatures across the river from us who were far more monstrous than the supposed "monsters" who made up my family. The Quileutes had dared to kidnap a human, treated her abominably, then injured her deliberately in the hope that we would attack, apparently not caring if she lost her life in the process.

Yeah, some "protectors" they were.

The only pack member who had actually been a protector of any sort was Sam Uley.

And now he was dead…murdered by the very ones whom he had sought to lead in protecting their tribe.

My thoughts flitted to Emily, the one who had championed me on that horrible night when Jacob tried to rape me…it seemed so long ago now. She had begged Sam to make sure I was taken care of that night, despite the compromises they had to make…such as approaching a vampire doctor to treat me.

I felt a pang of deepest pity for Emily…now having to go forward in life without her beloved Sam.

And my pity for Emily quickly shifted into renewed anger against Paul and the pack so willing to follow their new leader, so willing to kill their alpha as well as to kidnap and injure an innocent human in order to wreak their revenge upon my family.

Paul and his fellow canines were worse than monsters; they were evil incarnate, and I would not allow them to prevail this day, nor would I allow them to injure Mrs. Jane further.

Naturally, Paul was extremely disappointed that not a single vampire had moved…or had even twitched toward the bleeding woman. His eyes worriedly scanned the line of eleven vampires gathered against him and his pack, the shock obvious on his face as not one of us shifted position.

Carlisle, the only one of us breathing normally thanks to his centuries of treating bleeding humans in hospitals, was appointed our spokesman by default; the rest of us didn't want to lose any breath due to unnecessary talking. Besides, Carlisle's eloquence and righteous anger would be more than adequate in dealing with these evil creatures.

"What you have attempted to do here, injuring a human woman and using her as bait to try to make almost a dozen vampires attack you, is utterly despicable," Carlisle stated flatly, his golden eyes flashing in anger.

"My apologies," snarled Paul sarcastically.

Carlisle closed his eyes for a moment, apparently trying to regain his usual calm demeanor. Opening his eyes, he gazed evenly at Paul. "If you wish to truly make amends, I would hope that your apology would come from your heart, not from a place of sarcasm and bitterness," remonstrated Carlisle gently, the fire in his eyes fading as he stepped forward. "We mean you and your pack no harm, Paul, and if you are willing to release Mrs. Fairfield so that I can treat her injuries, my family will walk away from here, leaving your pack untouched, with the hope that if we cannot be friends, at least we can avoid further violence and retaliation. It would be in the best interest of your pack and your people to make a wise decision now to keep the peace." Carlisle's tone was earnest and hopeful as he offered a pact of nonviolence, if not peace, to Paul and the wolves.

Paul stared back at him, shocked by the non-violent attitude of this vampire, this mortal enemy, who was extending grace and peace to him and his people. Unfortunately, his suspicious nature returned immediately, and his mask of anger and burning glare quickly dissipated any hope of bringing this confrontation to a peaceful conclusion.

"I don't think so," Paul snarled in reply. "Our one purpose is to protect our people from monsters like you, so this opportunity to remove a major threat, as well as to get payback for the murder of Jacob Black, is just too important to walk away from. So thanks but no thanks," he grinned insolently, but I detected something deeper in his eyes: underlying his bravado were uncertainty and, yes, even fear.

"Very well," sighed Carlisle, obviously disappointed.

"So, how long can you all hold your breaths?" Paul asked with feigned nonchalance, the fire in his eyes alerting us to the importance of the information he sought.

Amused by the question, Carlisle replied, "Indefinitely."

Growls of annoyance and protest rose from the rest of the pack as they exchanged glances and shifted position until Paul motioned them furiously to be still.

"Indefinitely?" Paul confirmed, his mask slipping for a moment, revealing his despair.

"Of course, we can feel slightly uncomfortable without our sense of smell, but some vampires have remained at the bottom of the ocean for months, and even longer, at a time."

Paul paled noticeably at Carlisle's words.

Edward turned to me and winked; Paul's Plan B was obviously a failure. But I repressed a shiver as I considered the strong probability that Paul may be plotting additional strategies.

Would he become desperate enough when cornered, as he was now, to hurt Mrs. Jane further? Or even kill her?

I wouldn't put it past him. At this point, I believed Paul capable of almost any horror.

"So," Paul said slowly, "I suppose that we'll just have to take our chances."

Edward tensed again as he saw Paul's thoughts. "They're planning to simply jump the river and attack us," he informed our family tersely.

Defending ourselves from a full-on attack by the pack was the last scenario I wanted to happen, but I could easily imagine Paul summarily ordering his pack to their deaths, Mrs. Jane becoming a casualty of the battle.

_And who knew how many of my family they might take with them? _

I had to stop their attack.

_But how?_

Through eyes huge with shock, I watched Paul fling the still-bleeding Mrs. Jane to the ground at the foot of a towering oak as he began trembling again…shaking faster and faster until he became a blur, even to our sharp vampiric eyesight.

And then he exploded into a dark silver wolf, by far the largest in the pack. Immediately upon completing his transformation, Paul snarled, baring his teeth at us in fury.

Fortunately, Edward could still hear the thoughts of the pack, but his gift was not really necessary now as the growling wolves gathered into a group a little farther back from the river, preparing to jump the wide Sol Duc and attack our family.

"Everybody together!" Jasper called, and we broke from our line and gathered into a group, the males insistently protecting their mates, and Kate, the only non-mated vampire as well as the only one of us sporting an offensive weapon, standing slightly in front of the group to try to stun the incoming hoard of wolves.

But I could see nothing from behind Edward's tall form. Every time I shifted to peer around him, he adjusted, keeping me firmly behind him.

Frustrated, I nudged him aside with my elbow, stepping beside him despite his growl of protest. "I need to see what's going on!" I hissed, frowning at him.

"No, you don't! Stay safe behind me!" Edward directed, his musical voice panicked as he grasped my arm and pulled me behind him again.

I growled back at him, surprising him enough that I was able to step up to his side again. "I can't do anything if I can't see!" I snapped.

"Let her stay there, Edward," Jasper affirmed. "She may be able to do what the rest of us can't, and she'll need to see what's happening in order to act."

"NO! Jazz, I can't let her do that!" Edward was adamant in his refusal. He turned golden eyes burning with anger on me, but then his face crumpled in pain as he repeated in a broken whisper, "I can't do that."

I raised my hand to cup his cheek in my palm. "Edward, I can do this. You must let me help. Let's work side by side and finish this."

I allowed all the love and passion I felt for this extraordinary man, my fiancé, shine through my eyes as I gazed up at him. His agonized expression relaxed, and he placed his hand over mine against his face.

"Together," he whispered.

"Together," I affirmed, taking his hand in mine.

For a brief moment, he pulled me into his arms, kissing me with a combination of love, desperation, passion, fear, and resolve.

Around me I could hear the other couples embracing quickly and passionately as well. We all wanted to affirm our love for our mates, just in case any one of us were lost in battle: a circumstance that was all-too-likely as we were outnumbered two-to-one by giant wolves whose only reason for existence was to destroy our kind.

A wild growling sound echoing from across the river indicated that the wolves were preparing to leap the wide expanse of roaring rapids to attack us.

Coming at a full run, they were obviously planning to jump the river in groups of three, two wolves of each group aiming for each of our flanks and one for the center where Kate crouched, shifting her weight from one foot to the other, ready for battle but understandably nervous about the outcome.

From where I stood, I could see that it would require only one wolf, perhaps two, to take Kate out before our only offensive weapon against the wolves would be our own hand-to-hand combat skills…which were formidable, yes, but not infallible when faced with more than twice the number of hulking wolves facing us.

And I would need Edward to protect me as I knew almost nothing of fighting at such close quarters.

As my eyes took in the scene, I realized that the wolves would cross the river almost simultaneously in their groups of three, coming at us from slightly different angles so that they wouldn't collide with each other as they jumped, acting in tandem so perfectly that we would be hard-pressed to defend ourselves against such an instantaneous attack.

At an unspoken command from Paul that Edward obviously detected from the way he tensed, dropping into a crouch which alerted the rest of our family to do the same, the wolves raced toward the river and leaped gracefully and lethally into the air, arcing across the river toward us with perfect timing.

"Look out!" I cried unnecessarily in warning to our family—as if every one of us were not transfixed by the sight of the wolves' deadly onslaught.

Fear shook me as I watched the entire pack rise as one in midair toward us, leaving Mrs. Jane lying in a heap on the other side of the river.

In sheer panic and desperation at the oncoming attack, I threw my shield out from me as far and as hard as I could, hoping against hope that I could at least slow the wolves before they reached our side of the river.

_But my shield was far more solid and impermeable than I had realized. _

As the hulking wolves collided against my invisible shield halfway across the river, the echoing reverberations of impact after impact after impact of their gigantic forms striking my shield were deafening. Their simultaneous onslaught was such that even the wolves leaping slightly behind the others did not have sufficient time to stop themselves or even slow down before they, too, were propelling themselves right into my shield at full speed.

The incredible force with which they launched themselves into the brick wall of my shield was more than sufficient to knock every wolf unconscious, some of them killed instantly upon impact.

The gigantic forms of the unconscious wolves tumbled into the raging rapids, their bodies swept immediately down river. My eyes widened with shock as the wolves not killed by the impact quickly drowned beneath the white peaks of the rapids.

As we gazed down river, occasionally we could see a body break the surface, tumbling in the strong currents.

Aghast at this turn of events, my jaw dropped in horror as the bodies we glimpsed down river were no longer those of hulking wolves as each dead Quileute returned to his human form after life left his body.

Each time a limb or head broke the surface, one of us gasped as we kept our wordless vigil, our eyes fixed on the river until the last bodies finally vanished around the bend of the Sol Duc over a mile in the distance.

My family had remained as immobilized by complete shock as I was as the pack drowned and died before our eyes.

_Could we have acted to save them? We would never know. _

However, they were just as appalled as I was by this turn of events which protected every member of our family from harm yet destroyed the entire wolf pack in a single moment.

Then it hit me.

_I had just killed twenty-some young men, some of whom I had known all of my life. _

_**What kind of monster was I?**_

Shaking from head to toe with shock and shame at the utter destruction I had caused, I buried my face in Edward's chest, sobs wracking my body as he held me close, his large hand cradling the back of my head against him as I cried.

"Hey," Jasper called in surprise. "One of them is still there!"

Pulling my face abruptly from Edward's chest, I looked across the river to see the human form of Seth Clearwater bending over Mrs. Jane, wrapping her injured arm with strips of blue cloth he was tearing from his own t-shirt.

Hearing Jasper's alert, Seth spun, facing us.

"I mean no harm!" he called, backing away from Mrs. Jane and from us, his hands held up, palms forward, as if we had him at gunpoint. "I promise! I would never hurt Bella, and I refused to obey Billy's orders to hurt her, either."

Everyone except me looked to Edward as he scanned the thoughts of the last remaining Quileute shape-shifter. I could sense the questions in my family's minds: _Was Seth telling the truth? Or was this another trick? _

However, I didn't need to know what Edward read in Seth's mind; I knew this boy, this young Quileute who so closely resembled the Jacob I used to know and love, the Jacob who protected me. I smiled just a little at Seth, and he smiled back, his eyes sad.

"He is telling the truth," Edward murmured.

"Seth, I am going to cross the river and fetch Mrs. Jane so that I can stitch her wounds properly," Carlisle stated, his hands mirroring Seth's, held up in front of him in surrender. "I pledge not to hurt you."

Seth nodded, and Esme, who had ghosted back to the house to procure Carlisle's medical bag, handed it to him. Placing the black bag on the ground, Carlisle leapt the river gracefully, gathered a bemused Mrs. Jane into his arms, and leapt back.

"Um, I need to tell the elders what happened," Seth said sadly, looking distinctly awkward as he glanced over his shoulder toward La Push.

As soon as Carlisle laid Mrs. Jane down on the grass on our side of the river, he stood up to face Seth, grief for loss of life in his expression and words. "Despite what happened, Seth, please tell the elders, Billy Black included, that we offer our heartfelt condolences for the many lives lost this day. We wished that these young men had not felt it necessary to attack our family and bring an innocent human into our problems. However, if the tribe will allow us to remain here in peace, we are willing to do the same and to sign a new treaty to that effect."

Seth nodded, but his eyes looked hopeless. "I doubt they'll agree," he said sadly. "The loss is too great…" his voice trailed off brokenly.

"Seth," I stepped forward, my hands reaching toward him and my voice quickening in panic as I spoke. "I'm so sorry. I had no idea that I could even throw my shield out like that or that they would all die. I promise, I didn't know!"

My tortured expression softened Seth's eyes. "I know, Bella. We both did things that we regret today. Against my will, I was forced to follow the alpha's orders to attack you. Luckily, I was in the last group to jump, and Paul was already unconscious by then, so I was able to pull back at the last moment instead of jumping."

I nodded, figuring that something like that had happened.

Seth continued, "I didn't want to attack you, Bella. You've been through so much. I didn't want to attack your family, either, and I also objected to Paul's plan to kidnap the CPS worker."

"Thank you, Seth," I croaked, my voice breaking with emotion.

"Um," Seth said, looking bashful, "I don't know if you knew it, but I was the one who called CPS. We just never saw you, then once or twice Jacob bragged about stuff he had done to you. It seemed to me that something was really wrong. Mrs. Fairfield was really nice, and she kept Billy from finding out who called so that he couldn't do anything to me or my family. My mom always liked you, so she supported me when I wanted to call the authorities…even if my sister Leah didn't."

From his sorrowful glance down the river, I realized that Leah must have been one of the shape-shifters who drowned.

"I'm sorry, Seth," I whispered again. "So sorry."

"I know," he replied softly. "You were just protecting your family the only way you could. I don't blame you, Bella."

"Thanks," I managed to choke out.

"Thank you, Seth," Carlisle said, and several of the rest of our family echoed our thanks and good wishes for the young Quileute as he waved awkwardly, then turned away and slipped into the forest behind him.

At that point the vampires all turned to me, patting me on the back and congratulating me, Emmett crowing with our "victory" as we followed Carlisle carrying Mrs. Jane into the house.

I didn't say much, mostly because I was still in shock over what had happened. Yes, I was only trying to protect my family, as Seth had said; I did not intend to cause so many deaths.

_Nevertheless, the memory of what I had done sickened me. _

After all, I had inadvertently killed twenty-two wolves today. Yes, they had wanted to kill my family, too, but, no matter how justified my protective action was, I still felt sick at heart over so many young lives ended.

As we reached the house and Carlisle laid the injured Mrs. Jane on the sofa and prepared to stitch her arm and otherwise care for the poor woman who had seen far too much this day, I separated myself from the rest of the family and headed upstairs.

"Isabella?" Edward's soft whisper from the bottom of the stairs stopped me as I paused on the second floor landing, glancing down at him over my shoulder.

"I just need a little time," I replied quietly, and he nodded in agreement. "Thanks," I added, trying to smile in return.

I felt unaccountably weary as I climbed the second set of stairs and entered my room which now adjoined Edward's since our engagement. I hadn't felt this exhausted since well before my transformation. Although I knew that my weariness was merely mental, I flopped onto the bed and closed my eyes, shutting out the celebratory conversations of my family downstairs as much as I could and rested my body, trying not to think about the events of today.

This "rest" was the closest thing to sleep that I had experienced since becoming a vampire.

And I truly needed it.

**-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-**

_**A/N: Yes, this chapter is a little short, but the wolves are gone! (Except for Seth—I just couldn't kill him!)**_

_**Sorry for posting a couple of days late—I have been away from home the last couple of days and had no time to write, plus this chapter was *very* rough and needed * a lot* of work to get it readable. **_

_**Thanks for reading and for all of your lovely reviews; I responded to about half of them, but just haven't had much time with the Holy Days approaching. And thanks for being understanding about any holes in this story as I have no beta and no pre-readers. I'm just glad to see that so many readers are enjoying this story! Thank you! **_

_**The next chapter will be posted on Thursday, December 20 (I hope!). Obviously there will be repercussions to Bella's actions, and the Cullens have a lot to deal with after decimating the pack. **_

_**Wishing you all a blessed Advent season!**_

_**xxxooo,**_

_**Cassandra :D **_


	57. Chapter 54

**Chapter 54**

Several hours later the adjoining door between my and Edward's bedrooms in the big house opened. We had decided to keep using our rooms in the house until we were married, rather than living together at the cottage…for Edward's sake.

And, yes, for my sake, too, I finally admitted to myself…and to him.

As badly as I wanted Edward physically, I understood and agreed with his wish to hold off on our intimate relationship until we legally and morally belonged to each other. Despite my desire to be a "modern woman," I was a little surprised to discover that I possessed a definite old-fashioned streak, one which truly appreciated the idea of making love with my husband for the first time on our wedding night.

Plus waiting for our physical union was increasing the hunger of anticipation deliciously—something which my generation, so devoted to the need for "instant gratification," was certainly missing out on.

_Big time. _

However, I knew that this tentative opening of my door had nothing to do with romance.

_Unfortunately._

I knew that Edward was checking on me, making sure that I was all right after all that had happened earlier today at the river.

"Hey," I greeted him quietly from the bed, shifting onto my side to face him.

"Hey there," he smiled gently, walking around to the other side of the bed, lying down, curling up behind me, and spooning my back against his broad chest.

We just lay there together, his arm slung over my waist, his hand clutched in both of mine against my silent heart as we listened to the rain pattering on the roof. Content in our own little world, we basked in the bliss of relative peace and quiet after so much violent upheaval recently.

I'm not sure how long we lay there, drawing strength from one another's presence and serenity from one another's touch, before the announcement sounded throughout the house, reaching everyone's sense of hearing despite the fact that the words were spoken at a normal conversational level.

"Family meeting," Carlisle stated quietly but in a tone that brooked no opposition. Within a second, I could hear the muted conversations between couples as we moved to congregate in the rarely-used dining room, obviously to discuss the occurrences of early this morning at the river and their ramifications.

As we gathered, the rain continued its gentle descent outside as Edward, his arm nonchalantly wrapped around my waist, escorted me into the rather grand formal dining room, its eight armchairs upholstered in cream-on-cream stripes which matched the wallpaper perfectly, the pattern striking yet classical against the dark cherry of the deceptively simple antique dining table. A matching cherry china cabinet graced one wall and a long serving table of the same wood was topped with an ornate silver tea service against the far wall. A few armchairs from the living room flanked Carlisle's chair at the head of the table—seats for Eleazar and Carmen.

Surprised, I looked around for Kate, but she didn't seem to be present as we took our places.

"Where's Kate?" I asked Edward quietly, but he motioned toward Carlisle who apparently was going to answer my question for the benefit of the whole family.

"Kate left several hours ago," Carlisle said slowly. "Between Irina's death and Tanya's…delusions, she felt it best to locate Tanya to ensure that she plans nothing else…untoward."

I noticed the sorrow in Carlisle's eyes as he spoke, and both Eleazar and Carmen were understandably somber, their lips folded in thin lines. Their family would never be the same with the loss of Irina and the unstable condition of their leader.

"What will happen to Tanya?" I whispered, concerned for her well-being but much more so for the repressed anger and sadness in Edward's expression; I squeezed his hand comfortingly, and he returned the gesture gratefully.

"We are not sure—" Carlisle started to speak, but Eleazar stepped in to answer my question.

"When Kate locates Tanya and speaks with her, we'll have a better idea regarding which plans to consider. If Tanya remains delusional and professes the desire to harm _anyone_ in this family, then," Eleazar's voice, which had been coolly detached up to this point, trembled slightly, "we will have to decide whether to escort her to the Romanians for their verdict against her 'crimes,' or we will have to destroy her ourselves."

I gasped, glancing around quickly at each member of our family, all of whose faces revealed sorrow and grief over the possibility of losing yet another extended family member. Avoiding our glances, Carmen's eyes were fixed on her tightly clasped hands in her lap.

Turning to Eleazar and Carlisle, I asked, "Is there no other way?"

After exchanging meaningful looks with each other, both men shook their heads in negation, their expressions grieved indeed.

"What if Tanya has no plans to harm anyone?" Rosalie asked quietly, her face equally grim after the pronouncements from Carlisle and Eleazar.

"Then we shall return to Alaska and seek to rebuild our family life without Irina," Eleazar replied simply.

Rosalie nodded as if satisfied, but I wasn't quite as hopeful that Tanya would return with her family as if nothing had happened. Her delusions regarding my fiancé had been rather frightening, and it seemed as if she would stop at nothing to work her way back into his life.

I didn't realize that I had sighed until I felt Edward's comforting arm around my shoulders as he pulled me into a one-armed embrace, kissing my cheek as he did so.

"All will be well, my love," he whispered in my ear.

I tried to smile at him, but it was a tremulous effort at best. He pressed another kiss to my cheek then released me, grasping my hand on top of the table. As I glanced around the table, I noticed other couples offering the same type of reassurance, the women doubting Tanya's desire for rehabilitation while the men comforted them.

The only exception was Jasper and Alice whose roles were switched; Alice reassured her husband while Jasper, who had sensed the depth of Tanya's deluded devotion to Edward, remained unconvinced that we had seen the last of her…despite Alice's hope regarding the restoration of Tanya's sanity.

Jasper and I shared a significant glance which communicated our deep concern: we knew that our family had not seen the last of Tanya or her deluded plans to keep Edward to herself despite our engagement.

Tanya was the final impediment to my and Edward's complete happiness, a happiness that I couldn't help but feel that we deserved after all we have been through during the last few months.

Carlisle interrupted my thoughts as he called us all back to order.

"We have some other issues to discuss as well before Eleazar and Carmen leave for Alaska," he stated quietly.

"How is Mrs. Jane doing?" I asked, knowing that she was one of the "issues."

Carlisle glanced at me, smiling slightly. "Physically she's doing fairly well." He became more serious as he discussed her injuries. "It took thirty-five stitches to close the wound on her arm. Other than that, she experienced no serious injuries. She was somewhat dehydrated and weak from hunger, plus a little sleep-deprived. I spoke with her while I was doing her stitches, and she told me what happened when Paul kidnapped her from her home last night. Fortunately, he did not disturb the rest of her family."

Several of us breathed a little easier with this last news, relieved that Mrs. Jane's husband and children were safe in their home although they must be understandably upset by her disappearance.

"Obviously," Carlisle continued, "Jane knows the truth of what we and the Quileutes area. I've spoken to her about developing a story to explain her kidnapping and injuries. Currently, we've alerted no one as to her whereabouts. Letting her family know that she is safe is paramount, of course, but we need to tread carefully."

We nodded in agreement. We couldn't let the Romanians know that Mrs. Jane was "in" on the secret—that mythical creatures inhabited Forks and La Push. It helped that she lived and worked in Port Angeles, some distance from Forks and La Push, but we would have to take action of some kind to protect Mrs. Jane and her family as well as ourselves from the Romanians.

"I've explained the situation to Jane, and I believe that she will keep our secret. She is willing to shield us, not only for the safety of herself and her family but also for our benefit, especially for Isabella's sake." Carlisle turned to me. "Jane wants to talk with you briefly before she leaves us to go home."

I nodded, knowing that our conversation would border on the bizarre but was necessary to reassure her as to my well-being. Mrs. Jane cared for me, and I for her—she was the first person who defended me against Billy and Jacob's abuse.

Glancing from Eleazar to Carlisle, Rosalie groaned in dismay. "We're leaving, aren't we?" The resigned expression on Carlisle's face alerted us to the accuracy of Rose's guess.

Carlisle glanced around the table, but slowly he nodded in assent. "I know how disappointed you are about moving, Rosalie, but as we've been here for four years already, we would have been forced to relocate in another year anyway. We're just advancing the date a bit."

Eleazar turned to us, "You can see how this all will look once we call the authorities and let them know that we 'found' Mrs. Jane. Her disappearance has been covered by the local news in Port Angeles and was picked up by a few Seattle news stations. Such a high-profile story will doubtlessly bring far too much attention to our family, and—"

The sounds of bare feet running at a quick human pace and a rapidly-beating heart interrupted Eleazar, alerting us to the fact that someone was approaching the house.

We all turned to Edward who obviously could read the mind of the runner.

"Seth," he stated briefly, his brow furrowing in concern.

"What is it?" Carlisle asked quickly, his worried expression mirroring Edward's.

"I'll let him explain," Edward replied shortly as the pace slowed and a knock was heard on the front door.

Carlisle ghosted to the door to greet Seth and invite him in. They both entered the dining room a moment later, Seth looking extremely uncomfortable, whether from being in a house full of vampires or because of whatever he was here to tell us. He politely refused Esme's offers of a glass of water and a chair, preferring to stand near the doorway to the living room.

Perhaps staying close to the exit of a room filled with vampires made him feel slightly more at ease?

"Welcome, Seth," Eleazar greeted him, and the rest of us murmured our greetings as well. Seth replied with an awkward nod, his eyes settling on Carlisle, then on me.

"We are very interested in your reason for returning, Seth. Do you have a message for us from the Quileute elders?" Carlisle guessed, concern returning to his golden eyes.

"Yeah…I mean, yes," Seth stammered a bit before taking a deep breath and speaking more clearly. "As the only surviving pack member and the only remaining Quileute witness to the events of this afternoon, I have been named alpha by the elders."

"We are glad to hear this news, Seth, although we are aware that such distinction has come at a very heavy price," Carlisle stated, his eyes warm with pride as he gazed at the young man before us. It was just like Carlisle to treat Seth Clearwater as a father would his son….

"I have explained to the elders what happened, and they all agree, with one exception, that the pack under Paul as alpha broke the longstanding treaty between our tribe and your family." I noticed that Seth didn't call us a "coven," as the other Quileutes had…and even as blood-drinking vampires referred to groups of our kind; instead, he referred to us as a "family," and my silent heart warmed to him even further.

Seth was so young, probably not even sixteen, and to shoulder the burden of alpha, even as the only surviving pack member, was remarkable and commendable. He had come here as his first duty as alpha and chief of the tribe, approaching a very large gathering of vampires while seeming only vaguely uneasy; I admired his bravery and his strength after the happenings of earlier today.

Seth looked at me and stated wryly, "I'm sure you can guess who the exception was to agreeing that the pack had broken the treaty."

"Billy?" I stated flatly.

Seth nodded in affirmation and continued, "Although our tribe broke the treaty, which therefore allows you to attack our tribe in retaliation, the elders asked me to approach you to request that you refrain from avenging yourselves on our people even though the treaty allows you to do so—"

Carlisle started to speak, obviously to tell Seth that we would never take our revenge against innocent humans, but Seth raised his hand to stop Carlisle's objection. "I know," he said, "but please let me finish." He took a deep breath that seemed to calm him. "We are defenseless with only one wolf, namely me, to defend our land and our people against almost a dozen vampires. Plus, we have lost over twenty of our young people and also request that we are allowed to mourn them in peace, despite their attempts to attack your family and their kidnapping of an innocent human."

Seth looked each of us squarely in the eyes as he continued in a soft voice. "I told the elders that I very much doubted that you would want to attack the tribe even though the treaty gives you every right to do so, but that I would ask for your mercy on behalf of the tribe anyway."

"You have not only our mercy, but our forgiveness," Carlisle replied gently, "and our condolences. Despite the actions of Paul and the majority of the pack, we would never attack humans in revenge—or for any reason—despite their so-called 'crimes.' You have our full assurance that we will not retaliate against your people, Seth."

Carlisle rose and approached Seth, holding out his hand for Seth to shake in agreement. Seth gripped Carlisle's hand, his voice trembling with emotion despite the formality of his words, "I thank you, Carlisle Cullen, and your family on behalf of the Quileute nation for your generosity and forgiveness."

After Seth released Carlisle's hand, our father placed it on Seth's shoulder in a gesture of comfort. "You may mourn your dead in peace," Carlisle assured him quietly. "God be with you, and may He have mercy on their souls."

Seth nodded, too emotional to answer Carlisle for a moment.

A quick movement beside me drew my attention to my fiancé as Edward suddenly leaned forward, squeezing his eyes shut as he pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers and cursed softly under his breath. We all turned to him in amazement.

"Seth has something else to say," Edward said tersely, as if biting back a growl.

Seth swallowed noisily, looking definitely uncomfortable now, but he plowed ahead despite his obvious reluctance. "While the elders sent me to ask of you this act of mercy, one elder," his eyes flew back to me again, "sends an individual message to your family and specifically to Bella."

Obviously Billy wasn't taking the events of today well. Although I could understand his sorrow at the loss of so many young people from their tribe, I also knew that he would find a way to blame me for what happened to the pack. He always blamed me in order to deflect the responsibility from himself, something I had figured out during those long weeks in bed as a human, recuperating from the violent attack by his son.

Seth turned back to Carlisle, his eyes agonized. "Billy Black told me to tell you that since the treaty is now null and void, he plans to inform the entire tribe as well as the authorities in Forks, Port Angeles, and even in Seattle of who…or rather _what_…you all are."

Immediate chaos resulted as my family members started talking over one another in their attempts to make their opinion of this latest turn of events heard. Somehow over the mayhem, I could barely hear Edward growling low in his throat; his grip on my hand would have been extremely painful if I were not stronger than he was, thanks to my crazy newborn strength.

Seth cleared his voice with the obvious intent to continue speaking, and everyone quieted down in order to hear him. "That's not all," he said, his eyes still worried. "He also plans to tell the authorities how the pack died. He…" Seth swallowed hard again, as if the words were choking him, "He said that he hopes that all of you are taken into captivity by the government and studied for the 'freaks that they are' or that your vampire high council destroys you for this revelation."

Again the table erupted in mayhem as Emmett swore to kill Billy himself, and the rest of the family made threats against Billy loudly with very creative methods of torture before destroying him.

Seth stood there, patiently listening to everyone rail against Billy except for Carlisle, Edward, and myself. The four of us remained silent, waiting for our family to finish expressing their anger. I knew they wouldn't actually do anything they discussed, but plotting without intent provided them all with a safe way to vent their powerful emotions.

But Emmett did have a gleam in his eye that conveyed to me that his plans for destroying Billy were not _all_ talk….

"Seth," Carlisle interrupted Emmett's impressive use of curse words to describe precisely what he planned to do to Billy in gruesome detail, "we have plans to leave the area immediately."

"Really?" Seth brightened a little. "That may solve all of our problems. But how soon is 'immediately'?"

"By tomorrow morning," Carlisle replied. "We will be under scrutiny because of Mrs. Fairfield's kidnapping, and we weren't sure what your elders had planned, so leaving right away seems like the best solution."

"I agree," confirmed Seth, then his face twisted with grief. "With all of the arrangements ahead for the guys who died, I doubt Billy will be able to start anything before he realizes that you're long gone."

"That's our plan exactly," agreed Carlisle.

Seth smiled grimly, his eyes settled on me. "Billy is angry with you, Bella," he said slowly, as if reluctant to speak further.

"Of course he is," I spat. When I saw regret in Seth's eyes, I reigned in my temper. "I'm not angry at you, Seth, but at him. Billy has always supported the tribe at my expense. My father's death, Sarah's death and his own accident—he has blamed me for it all." I laughed bitterly as I continued, "I'm sure that he blames me for Jacob's death, too, and now for this mess."

Seth gave me one nod in the affirmative, agreeing with my assessment of Billy.

"Well, we'll be out of here very soon," I sighed, "long before he can blab to the tribe or to the press."

"That's the best decision, I think," Seth affirmed. He looked around at us all as if memorizing our faces. "I-I need to get back. I hope you all are happy and safe, wherever you go."

"Thanks, Seth," I said, and I rose from my seat and approached him slowly but with a shy smile to keep him from thinking I was going to attack him. Very carefully, I wrapped my arms around him in a sisterly embrace, and he hugged me back for a long moment. I tried…and failed…to keep my emotions completely shut down.

"You take care of yourself," I admonished Seth gently, my voice trembling with emotion as we released each other.

"You too, Bella. I'm sorry for everything that happened to you. You sure got a raw deal in life…until now," Seth stated, smiling a little.

"Yes, until now. And I'm really happy with Edward and my new family, Seth. Thanks for everything," I smiled at him affectionately.

Seth walked over to Edward and gave him a hard, assessing glare. "You take good care of Bella," Seth ordered.

I couldn't help thinking that Seth was one brave shape-shifter to challenge a vampire face-to-face like that, but Edward seemed to understand the young Quileute's protectiveness.

His expression one of determination to live up to the new alpha's expectations, Edward rose to his feet and shook Seth's hand as he replied, "I will care for Isabella always. And be safe yourself." Both smiled at each other in agreement before Seth shook Carlisle's hand once more, wished us all safe travels, and left.

Carlisle turned back to us just as Esme asked him quietly, "So moving is the only way for us to be safe?"

Carlisle squeezed her hand as he replied, "Moving is the only way. We need to be gone before the funerals, and preferably long before that." Glancing at us all again, his expression strained, he spoke with quiet desperation, "I don't need to tell you how dangerous it would be for us if Billy went public with this information. The Romanians would be upon us immediately, ready to assimilate any of us with gifts and destroy the rest of our family without a second thought."

I couldn't repress a shudder at his words. Although I knew practically nothing about the Romanians who wielded so much power over our kind, I could very easily imagine how tempting they would find breaking up our family. After all, we were quite a powerful force of talent as a group. The Romanians would keep me for my shield, Edward for his mind-reading abilities, and Alice for her visions of the future…and then they'd slaughter the rest of our family, probably right before our eyes. Their triumph of vanquishing such a large coven plus gaining three members who were so distinctively talented would be immense…almost too great for their own egos to fully grasp. The thought was terrifying, and I knew that we had to avoid such an occurrence at all costs.

"Can't we discuss moving a little more? Reconsider our options?" Rosalie begged, her eyes worried by what Carlisle just stated yet also hopeful that an alternative plan could be worked out.

"There isn't time, Rosalie. I'm sorry," Alice stated firmly. "Relocating immediately is the only scenario in which I see us remaining safe for the long term."

"How soon do we need to leave?" Edward asked, his brow furrowing with concern.

"Once we call the authorities and let them know that Jane is all right, the spotlight will be on us," Carlisle started, but Jasper interjected.

"Why do _'we'_ need to call the authorities?" he asked.

"What are you thinking, Jazz?" Edward asked, his expression curious but still quite serious.

"I'm thinking that if we get an unattached cell phone, a 'burn phone' from WalMart or something, we can say that Mrs. Jane got away from Paul after obtaining his phone and made her way here. We're on the outskirts of town—it's quite believable that someone could stumble through the woods and end up here. Then we wouldn't be implicated at all in the bigger picture of her kidnapping."

"What about her stitches?" Carlisle asked. "My stitching pattern is unique, and any doctor at the hospital would recognize that I did those stitches."

"Okay, what about this?" Alice jumped into the discussion. "What if Mrs. Jane just happened across our house while trying to escape the pack…I mean, the Quileute boys, and Carlisle offered his first aid services and stitched her up while we called the authorities. Then we would only have to answer a few questions from the police and could get out of here more quickly."

"None of these plans will delay our leaving, though, will they?" Esme asked quietly.

"I'm afraid not," Carlisle answered. "But I like Alice's plan as it keeps us on the fringe of the inquiry. Once we state that she happened across our yard and we helped her, we can explain that we'll be leaving. They won't be having a trial since Paul is dead, so they won't need us to testify. What do you all think?"

Slow nods answered Carlisle's question satisfactorily. And Alice nodded, too, so we must still have a future ahead of us; in fact, she closed her eyes, her face going slack as she tried to search the future. After several moments, she opened her eyes and smiled, giving Edward a mischievous wink. "We'll be okay, but we're going to have to take some evasive action."

Before we could ask Alice what she meant by "evasive action," Rose muttered, "Moving again? Grrr. I _hate_ moving. Change is bad."

I laughed wryly. "I used to think that change was bad, too, Rose. But look at how much my life has changed for the better over the past few months. Now I see change as an excellent thing—an opportunity to experience so much more than we ever hoped and dreamed—"

I was quite rudely interrupted by a loud moan from tiny Alice as she glanced at me then at Edward from the depths of utter despair. "But what about the wedding?" she practically screeched. "We've been planning Edward and Bella's wedding for next month! Can't we wait around that long before moving?" she asked Carlisle hopefully.

"Not with Billy on the warpath…no pun intended," Carlisle answered, looking slightly abashed at his bad play-on-words. Then his expression became more serious as he stated with quiet authority, "Billy Black is not trustworthy. The sooner we leave, the safer we will be."

"Where will we go?" I asked. I couldn't help feeling badly that Billy's instability was partially my fault—with the loss of his wife years ago, the loss of Jacob more recently, and now the loss of the entire Quileute pack except for Seth, we had no assurances that he wouldn't talk to a reporter at any time and "out" us for what we truly were.

"It may not be a bad idea if we split up into couples for a few weeks, even for a couple of months," Carlisle mused. "Then we can join up at a pre-determined location later."

Alice clapped her hands in excitement; apparently this separating as couples was the "evasive action" she mentioned previously. All of the mated pairs were excited by the idea of taking time together after all of the stress of the past weeks.

But Edward and I exchanged semi-panicked glances; there was no way that we could possibly travel together unmarried and keep our pledge of purity.

Then Edward's eyes lit up. "We can get married today, Isabella," he suggested. "In our meadow right before we leave. What do you think?"

"Perfect!" It was my turn to be excited. By the end of the day, I could be Mrs. Edward Cullen—what a shockingly wonderful concept; I was nearly dizzy with delight. "Let's do it!"

Edward rose from his chair, grabbing me around the waist and twirling me in an ecstatic circle, his bell-like laughter ringing through the room as the rest of the family sat there at the table, stunned by our wildly unexpected plans. After allowing Edward's insane idea sink in for a moment, they were joining in our joyful celebration, hugging us after Edward finally set me down.

But not everyone was thrilled with this idea of a romantically impromptu wedding.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" cried our wedding-planner-pixie. "Your dress isn't ready, Bella—nothing is! You can't get married _today_!"

"Who would marry us? What about a license and all that?" I asked Edward whose smile was not dampened in the least by Alice's shriek of despair or my questions.

Edward shrugged. "Anyone can marry us since Jasper will end up forging a marriage license for us later on anyway."

"True," I mused.

"You can't be seriously considering this!" Alice looked as if she would burst into tears (despite the impossibility) at any moment. "What in the world will you wear?"

As if my dress were the most important thing…sigh.

_I just wanted to belong to Edward—body and soul. _

Esme spoke up, "I have that lovely white sundress from last spring. It might work for an informal wedding gown."

While this news should have brightened Alice's outlook considerably, it did no such thing. "I suppose it might do," she conceded reluctantly. "But I still think it's ridiculous to even consider—"

"We're doing it," Edward interrupted insistently. Glancing at his wristwatch, he thought for a moment. "Let's get Mrs. Jane back to her family then meet in the meadow at sunset for the wedding."

"That's only five hours!" Alice exclaimed, her eyes the size of dinner plates and her mouth falling agape.

"All I need is my bride-to-be and our rings…which I happen to already have," Edward replied coolly. "If you want to add anything else within our time frame, Alice, go for it."

She frowned, then after stamping her feet in a fit of temper, she finally gave in—with little grace—to the inevitable. "Fine. Let's get to work," she sighed, rolling her eyes. Beckoning to Rosalie and Esme, she said, "Take her upstairs and have her bathe while we round up clothes and jewelry for her and for us…and for the guys, too."

Before I blinked, the pixie was gone.

"Wait!" I stopped Esme and Rose who had each grasped one of my elbows to escort me upstairs, per Alice's orders. "I need to see Mrs. Jane first."

After Esme and Rosalie paused to look at each other (probably deciding if my conversation with Mrs. Jane was worth the Wrath of Alice for disobeying a direct order), Esme acquiesced. "She's resting in Carlisle's library. But you only have a few moments since Carlisle is on the phone, calling the authorities as we speak."

Nodding, I threw a "Thanks!" over my shoulder to them as I flew upstairs to the library door. Pausing to rejoice over my escape from the Wedding Planner from Hades, I knocked gently on the door to Carlisle's library.

"Come in," bade a familiar voice.

Opening the door, I found Mrs. Jane lying on Carlisle's leather sofa near the glass wall that overlooks the Sol Duc River—the place where we had our standoff with the wolves mere hours ago. Her expression was thoughtful as her eyes remained fixed on the river banks of the white-tipped river.

Mrs. Jane turned toward me as I entered the room and seated myself at her feet on the sofa.

"How are you feeling?" I asked, settling the afghan that Esme had crocheted more firmly around her feet.

Of course, Mrs. Jane waved away my concern. "I'm fine; Dr. Cullen sure can sew a person up quickly." Amusement glinted in her eyes for a moment, and I smiled in response.

"I seem to remember that about him," I replied with a wink.

But the momentary lightness left the conversation as a frown marred Mrs. Jane's features; she dropped her cheerful façade and spoke seriously. "It's hard to wrap my mind around all that's happened in the past twenty-four hours," she mused before he sense of humor was somewhat restored. "It's one thing to be taken from home, kidnapped by a bunch of teenaged boys with incredible 'abs of steel' who insist upon wearing very little clothing."

I joined her in smirking—she had nailed those Quileute boys and their pride in their physiques with her usual snarkiness. But our smiled faded quickly as we remembered that those boys were no longer alive except for Seth.

She sighed. "But it is quite another to be used as a pawn in a battle between fictional monsters."

"We aren't quite as fictional as everyone believes, I'm afraid."

She laughed wryly. "I noticed." Her expression grew more serious. "Did you know what you were getting into, Bella? Did you know what the Quileutes were, or what the Cullens were, before the Cullens offered to take you home?" she asked, her sharp eyes piercing mine.

It was my turn to sigh. "I knew what Jacob was—he transformed into a wolf the night he attacked me on the beach, almost killing me." Mrs. Jane's eyes became huge as she put two and two together; I hurried to add, "But I blocked his change from my memory for a while until I'd been with the Cullens for several weeks."

She nodded. "And the Cullens?" she prodded.

"They told me what they were the day I called you to come to get me."

"Ah." Mrs. Jane's penetrating gaze softened in understanding. "You obviously panicked a bit at their revelation?"

"Oh, yeah—just a bit," I smiled but then spoke more seriously. "After I called you to come get me, I realized that they had taken such good care of me and that they truly were a family who loved each other and loved me as a part of their family. And I decided to stay despite what they were." I paused for a moment, remembering my paralyzing fear after hearing the revelation that the Cullens were vampires. "And it was a good thing I did stay. The Cullens have saved my life more than once, and they also helped to heal me emotionally in addition to physically, simply by loving me and making me part of a truly amazing family again…something I hadn't experienced since I was eight years old."

I looked at Mrs. Jane, my own gaze penetrating. "Did you know that Carlisle was there in our home the day my mother died? He was the main hospice doctor, and he became very attached to me and I to him when I was a child."

Mrs. Jane smiled. "No, I didn't know, but the fact that he knew you when you were little explains his seemingly 'sudden' attachment to you in the ER when I took you there after your panic attack. It explains a lot, actually."

She examined my expression carefully as she asked, "Are you happy now, Bella? I would like to know how you are doing after all that's happened to you."

I laughed softly, smiling at her. "I don't know if I have ever been happier than I am right now. My family is safe. You are safe. And although we're having to leave tonight, I'm marrying Edward in our meadow before we go."

Mrs. Jane smiled, her eyes misting with tears. "I will miss you, Bella. And I am very happy that you've found a new life with someone worthy of your love."

"Thank you," I whispered. "Thank you for everything."

The library door opened, and Carlisle poked his head inside. "Alice says the police and ambulance will be here in two minutes."

I nodded at him, and he shut the door to allow us a final private moment.

"God bless you, Bella Swan," Mrs. Jane said, reaching for me. I moved over to the sofa, sat down beside her, and hugged her back.

"Thank you for all that you've done for me, Mrs. Jane. And I know that our secret is safe with you. You're the only human I trust, after all."

She laughed, and we exchanged one last warm smile, the smile of kindred spirits.

I heard the emergency vehicles turning in the driveway. "They're almost here," I said. "You take care of that husband and those great kids, okay?"

"I will," she promised. "Goodbye, Bella."

I took one last look into Mrs. Jane's kind eyes. "Goodbye," I said softly.

_**A/N: Sorry this story is being posted a day late. I ended up tossing out almost half of this chapter and rewriting it, adding Seth's visit to the Cullens, so that took a little extra time. Plus I was stuck all day in the city on both Wednesday and Thursday, so I had very little time to write despite staying up until 2:30 AM this morning rewriting this chapter. It's one of my longest chapters at over 6,000 words. Enjoy!**_

_**Chapter 55 will be posted on Christmas Eve, Chapter 56 on December 28, and the Epilogue on New Year's Eve. And then this story will be done. Whew!**_

_**Thank you again for reading and for reviewing; I responded to the majority of reviews this time around—the advantages of being off from homeschooling for three weeks, LOL! :) **_

_**Take care, everyone! And I'll "see" you again on Monday if all goes well…. ;) **_

_**Advent blessings,**_

_**Cassandra :D**_

_**xxxooo**_


	58. Chapter 55

**Merry Christmas Eve, everyone!**

**Chapter 55**

After I left Mrs. Jane, Esme and Rosalie escorted me upstairs to the huge bathroom adjoining my room, filling the claw-footed tub with hot water and lavender-scented bubble bath. I soaked contently while my two soon-to-be sisters-in-law and future mother-in-law ghosted in and out of my room, making decisions, laying out clothing, shoes, and jewelry "options" as Alice called it all, then racing down to lay out appropriate suits for the guys and dresses for themselves.

Alice was bemoaning the lack of flowers at this late notice. At least with an all-vampire wedding guest list of just our immediate family plus Carmen and Eleazar, Alice could skip the food and cake. We had thought about inviting Seth, but we decided that a wedding celebration on the same day as the deaths of so many of his pack could be considered insensitive.

I tried to ignore Alice's plans as she kept running commentary going under her breath that every vampire in the house could easily hear, thus laying a monster guilt trip on Edward and a martyr-complex on the rest of us as she "slaved" to make our wedding "memorable."

To tell the truth, I really didn't care. As long as Edward and I were married somehow after all of Alice's machinations, I was happy.

Lazily I trailed a sea sponge dripping with lavender body wash over my skin and washed my hair with the hand-held shower attachment, something I never would have been able to manage when I was human without soaking the entire bathroom and most likely slipping on the wet tile, giving myself yet another concussion.

_That was another cool thing about being a vampire: no more concussions or trips to the ER. Yay me._

As I bathed, I heard Carlisle and Eleazar in the living room supervising Mrs. Jane's reunion with the authorities after her kidnapping nearly twenty-four hours before. Carlisle spun quite a detailed story of Mrs. Jane stumbling up onto our back deck, rapping on our back door, and begging for help after she had escaped from her captors.

Mrs. Jane, after being coached carefully by Carlisle, was suitably vague about where and how she had escaped from Paul but gave truthful details of her kidnapping and the treatment she received at the hands of the Quileute young men who apparently wanted a ready-made hostage for a robbery attempt. Mrs. Jane's story was appropriately vague and muddled in some places, but she told it convincingly enough that, according to Edward who was tracking the authorities' thoughts, the police believed her story without question as she was taken away in the back of an ambulance to be checked out at the hospital before being reunited with her very worried family.

Of course, Carlisle mentioned to the police chief the important job offer from the Mayo Clinic that he had just decided to take, forcing our family to relocate immediately. And thus the Cullens' disappearance would be explained as the news of Carlisle's big time job offer trickled from one small-town gossip to another.

I sighed, pleased by the way that every detail seemed to be coming together. I was marrying Edward this evening at sunset in the meadow, and we would soon be rid of most of our major problems, notably Mrs. Jane's knowledge of us and Billy's chance of taking vindictive revenge on us.

The only problem still gnawing at me was Tanya's unresolved desire for Edward as her mate. I sighed again, knowing that it would be difficult for me to relax as Tanya was so darn unpredictable right now…and was running free.

Who knew what evil plot she could be devising at this very moment?

-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-

"There! You are officially perfect!" squealed Alice, backing away from me and clapping her hands with glee, an extremely self-satisfied smile stretching from ear to ear.

I had to admit it: Alice had done wonders. Even with only five hours to pull together our small, family-only wedding, Alice was pleased with the execution of her "vision" for our wedding.

And I was thrilled to be done with the wedding-planner-from-heck that Alice had become.

Esme came up beside me, placed a gentle arm around my shoulders, and hugged me against her side. "You are breathtaking, Bella. Edward is going to be absolutely speechless when he sees you in all your bridal beauty."

I hugged her back, careful to avoid wrinkling the cotton dress. "Thank you, Esme, for the dress. I love it," I whispered in her ear.

"Well, it's no Christian Siriano, but it will have to do," griped Alice as she tied a white ribbon around the wildflowers that Edward himself had gathered for me from the meadow within the last half-hour so that they would remain fresh.

Rosalie stepped to my other side. "You look beautiful, Bella," she said, almost shyly. "I'm glad that you'll be my sister."

"Me, too, Rose," I said, trying to not allow my voice to tremble with emotion at her kind and welcoming words as I returned her hug as well. "Me, too."

"Oh, Bella, Edward sent you this," Rosalie continued, handing me a small oblong wooden box. It looked quite old but was very well-kept with pale wood inlaid into darker wood, the sheen of many years of use making it glow in the afternoon sunlight.

Gingerly I opened the box and gasped, nearly dropping the box and its contents. Esme's eyes sparkled as if with tears as she, Alice, and Rose ooohed and aaawed over the contents of the antique box.

"There's a note, too," Rose added, handing me a simple piece of thick cream paper covered with Edward's copperplate penmanship.

Dearest Isabella,

I cannot wait to pledge my eternity to you this evening. It seems that every dream I've ever had, both as a human and as what I am now, is coming true this day. I look forward with the greatest anticipation to kissing my wife for the first time after we pledge our hearts and souls to one another's safekeeping.

You would honor me beyond all belief if you would wear this locket and chain tonight. It belonged to my mother, and it is part of one of the few truly clear memories I have of her. I was seven or eight, and she was tucking me into bed after prayers. As she leaned over to kiss my forehead, this locket dangled before my face, catching the light just so. I remember reaching for the locket, taking it in my hand, and watching the illumination of the setting sun glint off its shining surface. My mother then told me that as my father had given it to her on her wedding day, so she would give it to me to present to my own bride to wear on the day I married. As my parents did, we shall also fill it with an image from our own wedding. Although my father chose the engraving over a century ago, these words are truly the expression of my heart this evening.

Until we wed, my bride, my Isabella.

All my love,

Edward"

Setting down the note, I reverently touched the heart-shaped locket, its golden sheen also glinting in the light of the setting sun. With extreme care, I pried the locket open. On the right side was a small, heart-shaped golden frame suitable for a small photo of our wedding. On the left in beautiful calligraphy was engraved the following words:

I am yours, as you are mine,

for now and always.

All my love,

-Edward

The words of Edward Masen, Senior, to his Elizabeth were true enough, but these words, over a century old, possessed even more significance to Edward Masen Cullen and myself.

With extreme care, I snapped the locket shut and handed it to Esme. "Will you please fasten this?" I asked softly.

"With pleasure," she answered with a tremulous smile.

"Now you are completely and utterly perfect!" Alice declared, and as I looked into the floor-length mirror before which I stood, I had to agree with the sometimes-annoying pixie.

Rosalie had quickly altered Esme's dress to fit me like a glove. The simple white eyelet dress with a plain cotton lining had a slightly vintage look to it despite being practically new. The halter top fastened at the back of my neck with three pearl buttons, leaving my back half-bare. The sweetheart neckline accentuated my form perfectly, the gold locket nestling perfectly between my breasts. The waistline was fitted, but then the skirt flared out into a full, tea-length skirt. Rosalie lent me some classic white peep-toe pumps to complete the effect.

Alice and Rosalie had styled my hair to continue the feel of the early 1950s, parting it on the side curling it smoothly under, making my hair bob at my shoulders rather than its normal almost waist-length. They had added a gentle Veronica Lake-style wave to the front, pulling my hair back toward my ear with a small spray of wildflowers matching the ones Edward had picked for my bouquet, the only colors in my ensemble.

"We're ready! It's time!" Alice squeaked, clapping her hands excitedly as Rosalie and I exchanged mutual eye rolls of exaggerated annoyance at Alice's enthusiasm.

"Don't you two think I didn't see that," growled Alice…who then laughed at our fearful glances at her.

Rosalie handed me my bouquet of white Queen Anne's Lace, deep blue cornflowers, pale lavender pincushion flowers, fragrant white and pale pink stocks, and sprigs of lavender and rosemary bound with wide white satin ribbons which cascaded down the front of my dress. The unstudied beauty of the bouquet was just what I wanted—the lovely and spicy-scented wildflowers I loved most from our meadow delighting me with their simplicity and perfection.

Grateful that I could now negotiate the stairs in Rosalie's four-inch heels without fear of a clumsy moment, I followed Esme, Alice, and Rose down into the living room, through the kitchen, and to the back door. We went out onto the back deck where only Carlisle waited.

"Carlisle, I asked you to walk me down the aisle, not all the way to the meadow," I joked.

He smiled at me as the other three went ahead, running slowly (for vampires) so as to not ruin their own perfect hairstyles, lovely summer dresses, and decidedly designer shoes.

Without warning, Carlisle scooped me into his arms, bridal style…which was actually appropriate for once. But it was mostly because of my extreme shock that I allowed him to do so.

He smiled gently as he walked down the stairs and started toward the meadow. "Alice's orders to keep anything from happening to your white dress and shoes. Because she can't 'see' you, she doesn't want to take any chances of harm coming to your 'utter perfection,' as I believe her exact words were."

If I had been human, I would have been blushing a deep scarlet. As it was, Carlisle guessed my feelings from my averted eyes and stiffness in his arms. It was humiliating to be carried like a child to my own wedding.

"I could have walked in other shoes and carried these," I noted weakly.

"Isabella," Carlisle spoke softly. "Look at me."

After a deep breath, I managed to look at Carlisle directly, our eyes mere inches apart as he carried me through the woods.

He was smiling at me with such fatherly love and pride in his golden eyes that I relaxed almost immediately, his words comforting me. "Isabella, I've long known that you are special. When I first started caring for your mother ten years ago, you were the life and light of your household. Your mother would smile this beautiful, sad smile every time you left the room; I could tell from her wistful expression that she was sorry to miss this day, your wedding day. And your father looked at you with such pride—both of your parents delighted in telling me stories about you. You were their world, my dear."

My eyes burned as I blinked rapidly, the tear-like sensation the closest that our kind can come to actually crying. Hugging him closer, I laid my head on Carlisle's shoulder just as if I were that little girl…before it all went so very wrong. Carlisle continued through the woods as he spoke softly.

"And I know that you are missing them today. But, Isabella, your parents are with you today and will be with you always. I can almost imagine them watching you this very moment with their love for you shining from their eyes. Can't you?" he inquired solemnly.

My throat was too tight to reply to Carlisle's question, but I nodded in response.

"You've become an admirable young woman, Isabella. You are loved by every person in this family. You were strong and beautiful before your change, and you are even more so now. But it is not your physical attributes that make you so amazing. It is your spirit—strong yet gentle, independent yet compassionate, beautiful yet humble. You and Edward share the inability to see yourselves the way that others see you. Edward was my first 'child,' the first one I shared this life with, and he holds a very special place in my heart."

Carlisle paused, clearing his throat unnecessarily while attempting to regain his composure before lowering his voice to a near whisper.

"You are the only woman worthy of my beloved son, Isabella, for you are my equally-beloved daughter. I could not be happier to welcome you officially into our family and our home as a true Cullen."

I buried my face in Carlisle's neck, so overcome with emotion that I could barely whisper, "Thank you, Carlisle."

A moment later we came out of the trees and Carlisle set me on my feet with the utmost gentleness. Taking my face between his palms, my new father kissed me on both cheeks, his eyes a little glassy from his emotions, before he gallantly offered me his arm.

Then to the mellow strains of a cello played by Rosalie, Carlisle escorted me down the "aisle," a slender mown pathway through the wildflowers of our beloved meadow. Alice had scattered the aisle with white rose and daisy petals along with petals of fragrant white gardenias and orange blossoms, the white flowers colored pink and orange and lavender by the setting sun that shimmered gorgeously on our vampire skin. The scent of the flowers was heavenly as Carlisle walked me the short way to the wisteria-covered arch where Edward waited for me, Jasper standing solemnly where a priest would usually officiate.

Our family lined the short aisle: Eleazar and his Carmen, arm in arm, their beautiful faces wreathed in smiles as Carmen reached out to pat my arm as we passed them. Large, lumbering Emmett was grinning from ear to ear as he bent down to kiss my cheek as we went by. Unable to contain her excitement, Alice was practically dancing in place, her expression one of utter joyfulness; she reached out for a quick hug as she whispered in my ear, "Now we will be really and truly sisters!" We paused when we reached Esme near the end of the aisle; leaning in, she kissed my cheek and held me for a moment, whispering, "Welcome to the family, dearest Bella!"

Despite the loving embraces and joyous smiles of my new family, I truly had eyes only for the copper-haired man standing at the end of the short aisle. Edward's golden eyes glowed with complete and utter joy as his red lips curved into a dazzling smile. He wore a pale gray suit with a crisp white shirt open at the throat, giving him the perfect balance of dressy and casual which was reflected in my white eyelet sundress.

His skin sparkling diamond-bright in the sunshine, Edward had never looked at stunningly beautiful as he did in the moment in which our eyes met at long last. His eyes were filled with love and longing for me, and I felt the familiar dry burn of non-existent tears behind my eyes as my heart overflowed with a joy so profound that I could never begin to contain it. I felt my lips curve into a bright smile that answered Edward's in joy and awe.

Jasper smiled down on both of us, his gentle eyes also joy-filled as Carlisle and I stopped in front of him. The meadow area in which our small wedding was taking place was without chairs, our family gathering informally behind us to witness our vows as we became one before God and our beloved ones.

I do not think I have ever seen Edward look as happy as he was when Carlisle placed my hand in Edward's, giving our clasped hands a slight squeeze as he surrendered me into Edward's keeping. Edward leaned forward briefly, kissing my cheek in greeting and saying in a low voice, "You are the most beautiful sight I have seen in my one hundred ten years, Isabella."

His eyes focused for a moment on the golden locket gleaming in the sunlight against the sparkle of my own skin, and he reached out a finger to touch the golden heart, the source of one of his few memories of his mother. "Thank you," Edward breathed, his eyes meeting mine almost shyly as he refocused on my face as I smiled with complete happiness.

During the wedding itself, I could remember little of what Jasper said and how we responded during our brief ceremony. Later, my perfect vampire memory recalled every dust mote shimmering in the sunset and every breath we took as Edward and I smiled at one another, joy suffusing our expressions as we made our solemn vows, exchanged rings, and did everything that every bride and groom do, yet our wedding was anything but "normal." After all, we were pledging our eternities to one another, our words solemn yet joy-filled.

And when Jasper pronounced us "husband and wife" and gave Edward permission to kiss me, time came to an utter standstill.

His lips brushed mine with the barest pressure, then I leaned forward minutely, my lips touching his with a little more contact, and suddenly I was quite literally swept off my feet as Edward took me in his strong arms and lifted me to his height; my arms slid securely around his neck as our lips met with greater passion.

Okay, we were kissing with probably a bit too much passion for a wedding, but we were among family and friends now—family and friends who loved us and hooted with laughter when our kiss got away with us…just a smidge.

Precisely as the sun slipped below the horizon, Jasper gave us a significant look and, using his gift, calmed Edward's passion a bit before grinning widely and completing the ceremony by introducing us to our family:

"May I present to you: Mr. and Mrs. Edward Cullen!"

There was no huge party or reception following the wedding. Edward and I were passed around, accepting and giving warm embraces and welcoming kisses as we all celebrated joyfully, chatting and laughing and sharing story after story. I can't believe I actually embarrassed Emmett; it was priceless.

But an air of seriousness surrounded us, a feeling we all shared: we could not forget the lives lost today: Irina's life and the lives of so many misguided Quileute young men. Our celebration was joyful, yes, and our thanks were offered to the God who loves us all, but a huge wedding with all the fru-fru details would have been impossible for us in more than one way.

Edward and I had exchanged a meaningful look—one that spoke of our mutual desire to escape our family and begin our honeymoon—and as Edward took in a breath to announce our pending departure, he suddenly froze and pushed me behind him protectively with a low, feral growl as he dropped into a defensive half-crouch.

"What is it?" Carlisle asked, his eyes huge as he whisked to Edward's side while tucking Esme behind his body as Edward had done with me. All the couples had done the same, forming a circle facing outward with the females in the center and the males protecting them so that they could see in all directions and watch for approaching danger.

"Edward!" Eleazar hissed when my husband had not yet answered Carlisle. "What's wrong?"

"Tanya," Edward spat. "I caught a glimpse of her thoughts—just the quickest flicker of her mind. She's here and…" he swallowed convulsively, "and she means business."

I stifled a groan of despair. Today had been so happy—the happiest day of my existence—but still the specter of Tanya brought a dark shadow over my joyous wedding day, once bright with sunshine yet now dimmed with foreboding gray clouds.

Unfortunately, Edward was proved correct as Tanya emerged from the tree line and stepped confidently into the meadow. Her face was alight with a strange combination of joy and fury: joy when her glance took in Edward and fury when she noticed me behind him.

As Tanya approached our group, we remained huddled. I couldn't see well where I was, trapped once again behind Edward.

When would he learn that I could protect our family more easily than he could?

My growl of frustration was ignored by my new husband.

Then I realized what Tanya was wearing, and it took Emmett and Jasper holding me back to keep me from ripping Tanya to miniscule shreds.

She was wearing a wedding gown.

Unlike my simple white sundress, Tanya wore a formal, full-length bridal gown that clung to her perfect body like a glove to her knees then flared out, mermaid-style; her look was complete with a veil and a bouquet of white roses.

I was seething with frustration and anger as I continued to struggle against the restraints of both Jasper and Emmett who were definitely hard-put to keep me from flying at Tanya.

_How dare she? _

_ I would end her now, once and for all…._

I really didn't give a rat's rear-end that she was delusional. I'd be more than happy to un-delusion her…_permanently._

It didn't help my rising temper that Edward had risen from his crouch and just stood there, his eyes glazed over and his mouth agape.

I could only hope that he was struck speechless by her brand of crazy rather than the vision she made in that wedding gown, the upper two-thirds of her boobs exposed by the deep "v" of what seemed to pass for a neckline.

I didn't think that any white wedding gown could make a woman look like a tramp…until Tanya appeared, that is.

"Edward!" she cried, flashing to his side and taking both of his hands in one of hers…while he remained frozen in place. She tittered annoyingly (to me, anyway), peeking at him through her free hand as if bashful. "I know that it's bad luck for you to see me before we marry, but I just couldn't resist. You look so…." Tanya's high-pitched voice trailed off suggestively as her eyes took in my husband hungrily.

Turning to Emmett, I asked pointedly, "May I destroy her NOW?"

But he and Jasper, lips folded into tight lines, continued to hold me back from shredding Tanya.

Glancing around at our family, I was glad to see Rose and Alice also angered by Tanya's wanton display…at least at first.

But Carlisle, Esme, Eleazar, and Carmen all looked at her with pity.

Yes, Tanya was deranged, but I was also at the end of my proverbial rope.

And Edward's big-eyed silence was certainly not helping matters.

Carlisle stepped forward at long last, gently taking Tanya's hands and stepping between Edward and Tanya while I continued to struggle against my restraints. When I started growling out of sheer frustration, Carlisle glanced over his shoulder at me meaningfully, and I reluctantly quieted down and stopped trying to escape Emmett and Jasper's grip on my upper arms.

"Tanya, why are you here?" Carlisle asked gently.

"To marry Edward, of course. We've been promised for ages. Isn't my ring lovely?" Tanya thrust a garish diamond solitaire engagement ring under Carlisle's nose for his inspection.

"Yes, Tanya," Carlisle cajoled her in a falsely happy voice, his eyes worried by the depths of her delusion. "Why don't you go back to the house with Esme and finish getting ready?" he asked, obviously trying to remove her from the scene.

Tanya agreed happily, and Esme glided forward with a confused expression, took Tanya's arm, and led her toward the house, throwing me a concerned look as she passed me.

Finally Edward stepped back as Tanya turned her back and left, his eyes wide with shock.

Carlisle spun to address Edward as Tanya vanished down the path.

"Son, what is she thinking?" he asked Edward, but Edward just shook his head, apparently unable to grasp the depths of Tanya's delusion.

A sorrow so overwhelming that it would have killed a human flowed through me, and I lowered my gaze from my new husband as despair filled me.

"Excuse me," I whispered, and Jasper let go of me, indicating to Emmett to do the same.

On fleet feet I ran to our cottage, my despair growing as I heard no one following me.

Once I reached the porch I dropped like a stone, dry sobs wracking my body. _How could he?_

_ What was it about Tanya that turned Edward into a complete and utter idiot?_

Our wedding day was ruined.

And as much as I wanted to blame the crazy chick, it was Edward's response to her that wounded my soul and was tearing me apart.

At last I heard someone approaching at human speed, but I recognized that stride.

It wasn't Edward.

My sobs continued as Carlisle lifted me into his arms then sat in a rocking chair by the front window, cradling me in his arms.

"Ssssshhh, Isabella. Sssssshhh. It will be all right. Sssshhhhh," he whispered in my ear. But his attempts to calm me only dragged me further into the depths of despair.

Finally I managed to gasp out one word between sobs: "Why?"

Carlisle rocked me as if I were a small child—as if I were the small child I had been when my mother died. I remember him comforting me in almost exactly the same way on that other day a decade ago when my heart shattered into pieces, just like today.

"Tanya is ill, Isabella. I know you are angry and sad, but her mind truly is broken. She has done some evil acts under the guise of wanting Edward, and we aren't in agreement yet on how to approach her. Kate will be here in a few hours, and we'll discuss the best way to approach the problem when she arrives. Until then, it seems best to keep Tanya content and play into her delusions."

I stopped sobbing, staring at Carlisle in amazement. "What happens to our wedding night?" I asked in a small voice. "Does Edward want to marry Tanya? I mean, our wedding tonight was not legally binding anyway, and until now we've been so excited to spend our wedding night here in our cottage. This was to be our first night here in our home, our only night here during our honeymoon, and now this?"

Frowning and obviously worried, Carlisle began, "You need to understand, Isabella—"

His conciliatory tone snapped something in me. In a split second, I went from a downward spiral of despair to searing anger.

"Yes, I understand," I sneered, leaping to my feet. "You all would rather have Tanya in your family rather than me." Without staying to see how Carlisle reacted to my accusation, I fled into the cottage and started tearing off my wedding gown, ripping the eyelet as I struggled to remove the dress that I had loved just moments before. Darting into our room but avoiding looking at the bed where Edward and I had anticipated giving ourselves to each other this night, I quickly donned jeans and a long-sleeved shirt, threw on a pair of trainers, and strode back out to the porch.

Carlisle was waiting for me on the porch, pacing back and forth…like Edward did when he was anxious. Once I appeared, he flashed in front of me, gripping my upper arms firmly as he pleaded, "Isabella, please. Don't do this. If you leave again, you'll only be back in a few hours—your bond to Edward is too strong to allow you to be separated."

Shit. I had forgotten about that damn bond. "Well, perhaps I won't feel it this time," I said hopefully. "Tanya has come between us too many times, and you all just let her do it. Edward is _mine_, but no one seems to care how I feel about my wedding day being in ruins. You all, and especially Edward, drop everything to help her. I'm sorry I'm being selfish, that I'm not being more compassionate toward Tanya. But I think there's something much deeper going on here than any of you are seeing."

Carlisle tightened his grasp on my arm. "Please don't go, Isabella. Come back to the house. Edward is not detecting any sort of subterfuge in her thoughts, and Jasper claims that her emotions are real. We'll figure something out."

I threw off his hold on me, becoming increasingly angrier with every word he spoke. Were they really so blind to Tanya's trickery? She was fooling them all somehow; I just knew it. Swallowing hard, I tried to force my voice into a more conciliatory tone. "Carlisle, Tanya is a bitch, and she's trying to steal Edward away from me in any way she can. I just know it. She's tried to take him before, and she's trying to do it again. For goodness sake, she tried to _kill_ all of us in order to get him earlier today! You don't think that she has layers and layers of strategies plotted out to try to take him away from me?"

Carlisle shook his head sadly. "I'm sorry. We're just not seeing it, Isabella. Tanya is ill, and we owe it to her to try to help her. We have a history with Tanya that you haven't been privy to, but I've known Tanya for centuries, Isabella." He tried to take my hand, and I reluctantly let him as he pleaded, "Please be patient, Isabella, I beg you. Just wait until Kate returns tonight. Tanya is insisting on waiting for her before the ceremony anyway."

"Ceremony?" I screeched, snatching my hand out of his. "What ceremony?

Carlisle looked uncomfortable. "Well, it seems best to play along with her delusion for now."

Aghast at his admission, my jaw dropped. "You are planning a wedding between Tanya and Edward?" I asked, my voice barely controlled.

"Well, we decided to let her think we are," Carlisle confessed.

"And Edward agreed?" I asked, my anger fading and despair returning as I saw the answer on Carlisle's honest face.

"It was Edward's idea in the first place," he admitted.

Anger filled me—my vision became scarlet with rage. "Leave!" I ordered Carlisle, spinning on my heel, stomping into the house and slamming the front door shut behind me, cracking the glass in the door's fan window. Leaning against the still-shaking door, I waited in silence, my arms folded across my chest as Carlisle seemed to debate with himself, then finally left, racing back toward the main house.

Ignoring the shredded remains of the dress I had worn when we were married, I walked back into our lovely blue-and-white bedroom and stood next to our quilted bed, the bed I had hoped to share tonight with Edward on our last night in Forks before leaving tomorrow for our honeymoon. I fingered the handsewn quilt, anger fading while despair took its place, swallowing me whole until I collapsed onto the wooden floor, my head leaning back against the bed where I had dreamed about giving myself completely to my husband….

Something that would not happen tonight….

And perhaps never would.

_**A/N: Don't despair! I promise a Happily-Ever-After, so don't be too upset with this cliffie. Besides, I'm posting the final regular chapter in three more days, so you won't have to wait too terribly long for the next installment. **_

_**Thank you again for your lovely support! I think I responded to all of the reviews for Chapter 54 (it's amazing what I can get done when I'm not homeschooling my beloved boybarians!), and I loved having the time to do so! You all are incredibly wonderful—you inspire me!**_

_**Chapter 56 will be up on Thursday ("Lord willin' and the crick don't rise," as one of my friends says), then the Epilogue on New Year's Eve. Wow, we're really nearing the end, aren't we? **_

_**I wish you a joyous Christmastide and a blessed Epiphany! **_

_**Much love,**_

_**Cassandra :D**_

_**xxxooo **_


	59. Chapter 56

**Okay, here's the longest chapter in PbF as well as the last regular chapter! Enjoy! **

**Chapter 56**

I'm not sure how long I sat there on the floor, feeling quite sorry for myself. Here it was my wedding night, and I was alone.

And my brand new husband was planning to marry another woman—a rather demented one at that—in a very short time.

Well, Tanya was either completely and utterly delusional…or she was incredibly devious and somehow had every single vampire in our family wrapped around her little finger.

But how could she fool Edward? And Jasper? And even Alice?

I mean, they were not only vampires but extremely gifted vampires. So how could Tanya pull the proverbial wool over the eyes of a mind-reader, an empath, and a seer of the future?

_ Wait a minute…._

I combed my perfect memory for the tiny details that might shed some light on all of the frickin' weirdness going on in my family at the moment….

When Tanya appeared, Alice and Rosalie had both looked angry…at least at first, so why did they change their reactions to Tanya's arrival so quickly and absolutely?

_Hmmmmmm…._

Something was not right with this Tanya situation…something besides the fact that I was alone on my wedding night, throwing myself a spectacular pity party. If I were still human, I would be downing chocolate by the pound and wine by the bottle….

Sighing, I got to my feet and, stepping over the shredded remains of my wedding gown scattered across the wooden floor, entered the main room of our cottage. My eyes took in the beautiful stained glass, the stone fireplace, the cases full of books—all the cozy ingredients of a perfect little love nest.

No matter what happened tonight, we would be leaving all this behind shortly in order to avoid Billy's and the Quileutes' revenge for taking out all of the pack, except for Seth of course. But Billy and the Quileutes would doubtlessly start spreading rumors of some kind about us, so leaving was undoubtedly the best solution.

I sighed again, saddened at the thought of leaving the only place I had ever lived. Edward had plans for us in the morning—secret plans for a honeymoon that he, grinning with suppressed excitement, had refused to divulge.

_Secret plans that probably did not include me any longer. _

I sighed again, wishing that I could wave a magic wand and return us all to the wedding before Tanya appeared—to the complete and utter joy of Edward and I, pledging our hearts, souls, and lives to one another.

It was as if Tanya had entered our meadow yesterday and had waved a magic wand over my entire family as well….

My eyes widened as the thought dawned on me.

_Of course._

It _had_ to be what happened.

Really, it was the only explanation that made any sort of sense whatsoever.

Grinning from ear to ear, I knew exactly how to prove my theory.

I took off running for the main house, my vampire mind quickly developing the perfect situation that would reveal to everyone what Tanya was up to.

_Then I was going to destroy that bitch. _

**-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-**

I stopped my wild race toward the house as I approached the raging Sol Duc River, halting for a moment to gather my thoughts…and my courage. It wasn't going to be easy to handle what I thought was happening inside this home…_my_ home. I felt as though I was being relegated to a guest, an outsider, at this point, and that feeling made me uneasy.

But I was fairly sure now that I knew who was at fault, that my family was not acting against me; they were mere pawns in Tanya's twisted game. But it still wasn't going to be easy to see them in the midst of it all, especially Edward. I sighed, preparing myself for what I would find inside.

After leaping the river, I slowly approached the house, ghosting up the back steps to the deck, then slipping into the unlit kitchen as the familiar strains of piano music reached my ears.

Good, I had caught them in time. Edward would have been beside himself with self-disgust if he had proceeded any further with Tanya's charade.

As I had figured, most of the family was gathered in the living room.

The lovely wooden archway from my and Edward's wedding earlier tonight was set up in the living room, and everyone was dressed as they were earlier with the exception of Edward who was now in a dark formal Italian suit with a gray-and-black striped cravat pierced by a diamond tiepin. Seated at Edward's beloved piano, Rosalie was softly playing Wagner's traditional wedding march as Edward and Jasper stood near the archway which was still covered with wisteria from our wedding.

I ground my teeth silently in anger over Tanya's machinations before forcing myself to be calm so that I could unmask this charade for what it really was.

As I regained control of my temper, Kate, dressed in a dark silver gown and carrying a bouquet of white roses, gracefully stepped down the Cullens' staircase, followed by a happily smiling Tanya on Eleazar's arm as he walked her down the aisle.

Although I had stepped into the living room in plain sight of everyone, not a single member of my family noticed my entrance.

And even though everyone was smiling, I noted immediately that their smiles did not reach their eyes, except for Tanya's; only her smile was genuine.

And triumphant.

_I was right. _

And now to prove it.

I stood quietly aside, watching Eleazar walk Tanya down the remainder of the stairs and up the short aisle to Edward. He smiled down at his new bride, but his smile was wrong.

_So wrong._

His smile was beautiful, as always, but his eyes were strangely empty.

It was nothing like the way he smiled at me, sheer joy lighting up his entire face at my presence.

Eleazar kissed Tanya's cheek, shook Edward's hand, and seated himself in one of the white chairs gathered before the archway. Hands clasped, the couple stood before Jasper who once again was officiating a wedding…tonight.

If I hadn't been so angry—a deep, fiery, destructive anger that I forced myself to control in order to unmask this charade of a wedding—the whole scene would have been decidedly creepy.

This time Jasper held a prayer book in his hand from which he read formally yet in an oddly emotionless voice, "Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God, and in the face of this company, to join together this Man and this Woman in holy Matrimony…."

Quietly I bided my time until the words I was waiting for were spoken in Jasper's soft Texan drawl: "If any man can show just cause, why they may not lawfully be joined together, let him now speak, or else hereafter forever hold his peace."

As was the custom in traditional ceremonies, Jasper paused for a moment before taking a breath to continue.

But I stepped forward. "I can show just cause," I said, my voice even, my arms folded across my chest, my anger reigned in tightly as my jaw flexed with the effort of not tearing Tanya limb from limb.

Heads turned, and the eyes of all of my family members were upon me, but they seemed to barely recognize me.

Edward included.

_Aha…more proof. I was definitely on the right track._

Tanya was shocked at my sudden appearance…and for a split-second, I saw hatred, profound and violent, burn in her golden eyes as she glanced at me.

Tanya's perfect facade had slipped.

_It wasn't much, but it was enough for me._

I knew now what was the truth of this situation, and what was deception.

"How did you think you were going to get away with this?" I asked her coldly.

Tanya's mask was back in place, and I was sure that her "delusions" filling her mind and emotions enough to continue fooling my family and hers.

But her charade of delusion wasn't the only way that Tanya was manipulating my family…and Edward especially.

"I am marrying Edward," Tanya stated firmly, but I could see the fear behind her eyes as she tried to continue her little scene, stating, "We are mates, truly made for each other. And you need to leave. You have disturbed my wedding enough for today."

I grinned at her maliciously. "Just as you disturbed my wedding day?" I asked, smiling sweetly. "Well, I think it's time for the truth to be revealed, don't you, Tanya?" Continuing to smile, I released my shield, wrapping it completely around Tanya.

And I waited….

The effect of my shield blocking Tanya's heretofore unrecognized gift was truly like magic.

My family blinked, surprised to find themselves at yet another wedding mere hours after Edward and I had been married. Horrorstruck, Edward noticed that he and Tanya were arm-in-arm, standing before Jasper as a bride and groom, and with a muttered expletive, he withdrew his arm from her as if he had been scorched.

Carlisle, Eleazar, and the rest of the family were shaking their heads as if they were waking from a long sleep. Even Kate looked bemused.

But Tanya…her expression was completely different from the rest of the family.

She was confused at the sudden failure of her talent, but she was also furious…and calculating.

Apparently she wasn't ready to give up yet.

And, of course, neither was I.

"Isabella!" Edward called, turning his back on Tanya to race up the aisle and embrace me. As he held me to his silent heart, I rejoiced in his loving touch.

"Nooooo! Edward, you belong to me! We are getting married!" Tanya demanded, swishing the mermaid-style skirt of her wedding gown as she strode toward us as rapidly as her tight dress allowed. She placed her hand on his arm, but he snatched his arm away from her, frowning.

"Tanya, what the hell is going on?" Edward asked as he released me and spun to confront Tanya, his expression livid.

"Isabella, what has happened?" asked a very confused Carlisle.

"Yes, please explain," demanded Eleazar, the truth beginning to dawn in his eyes; his quick mind was apparently putting two-and-two together more rapidly than the rest of the family.

"Gladly," I exclaimed. "She," I pointed rudely to Tanya, "came to the meadow this evening after Edward and I were married. She was wearing this wedding gown and said that she was marrying Edward." The family gasped as one.

"Because Edward belongs to me," Tanya asserted, trying to take Edward's arm a second time, but again he easily escaped her clutching hands; Edward drew me back against his chest, his arms wrapped around my waist from behind as he pressed a kiss to the side of my neck.

_There! I had my Edward back at last._ I breathed a little easier now as I continued to relate my theories regarding what happened.

"After everyone, especially Edward, seemed to go along with Tanya's apparent 'delusions,' I ran to the cottage. Carlisle talked to me there, but something just wasn't right. He left me to return to the house, and I sat there, alone in our bedroom on our wedding night, thinking."

Edward groaned into my neck at the thought of my spending a good deal of our wedding night alone and pulled me more tightly against his chest, dropping his head to my shoulder.

I didn't add anything about how heartbroken I had been to spend our wedding night alone in the cottage. After all, Edward had no control over what had happened to him and to the rest of the family, and there was no reason to make him feel more guilt than he already would when he heard the whole story.

I continued, "And then it came to me. Tanya must have a talent she has kept carefully hidden, a talent that doesn't affect me because of my shield. I'm now purposefully blocking it from affecting all of you right now by surrounding her with my shield—"

"No! You can't do that!" Tanya shrieked, her beautiful face contorted with rage. "Is that why no one is doing what I want them to? It's you and your damn shield, isn't it?"

"Yes," I answered her crisply. "My shield is blocking your little talent, and I will continue doing so until we get to the bottom of this situation."

Ignoring Tanya's gasp of outrage, I turned back to the family and explained, "Apparently Tanya can persuade others, against their wills, to do whatever she wants. She overpowers their own wishes and desires and forces them to do her will, rather like a puppet master with marionettes."

Tanya growled at the comparison, but I ignored her as I continued my explanation, "She must have been extremely cautious in using this talent in the past since no one noticed her doing it, not even Eleazar. I guess that's the advantage of being over a thousand years old: one has the time to perfect one's gifts," I tried to not sound bitchy as I mentioned Tanya's age, but she glowered at me all the same.

Placing my hands atop Edward's around my waist, I added, "Tanya has also learned how to make her mind and emotions seem confused and delusional so that Edward and Jasper would not be able to detect her real thoughts and feelings as she manipulated everyone."

I turned to Edward, saying softly, "That's why Tanya was able to persuade you to not speak or react to me the first night I met her; it also explains your inability to shake off her influence that night."

As Tanya watched both the Cullens and the members of her own family start to nod in comprehension of her talent, she dropped all pretense at last.

"You bitch!" she screamed at me. "You dare to come waltzing into this family, not even knowing Edward while I've known and loved him for decades, and then you try to steal him from me! I should have killed you when I first came here!"

Ignoring Tanya's outburst, I stated evenly, "In addition, I would guess that Tanya also manipulated the Quileutes—Paul at the minimum, if not more of them—to kill Sam and to do her bidding in killing the Cullens and Denalis, except Edward," I surmised smugly. "Obviously she wanted to keep him for herself."

"How dare you!" Carlisle growled at Tanya, his eyes black with fury; I had never seen him so incensed. "You wanted to kill me and my entire family—and yours as well—not to mention causing the deaths of twenty-some young men simply so that you could manipulate us and separate Edward from his soulmate?"

"It was worth it," Tanya laughed derisively. "I have wanted Edward from the first time we met, and I'll still get him. A stupid piece of forged paper doesn't make a marriage. I still have time—"

But losing control at last, Edward flew at Tanya before she could finish her sentence. If Emmett and Jasper had not restrained him, he would have undoubtedly torn her to pieces.

"Edward, calm down!" ordered Carlisle roughly.

"I will NOT!" Edward roared. "This fucking bitch tried to kill my wife and my entire family! And she was responsible for killing over twenty people today! If anyone deserves to be torn limb from limb and burned to ashes, it's Tanya!" He continued struggling against his brothers' restraints, growling loudly in uncontrolled fury. I had never seen Edward so animalistic in his anger, nor had I ever heard him curse like this.

"You know, part of me really wants to let him at her," mused Emmett in a quiet voice, but we all discerned the fury underlying his seemingly joking words.

"I know what you mean," muttered Jasper, glaring at Tanya as he tried to calm Edward, but Edward was far too angry for Jasper's calming vibes to have any effect.

"What do you have to say for yourself, Tanya?" Carlisle inquired, folding his arms across his chest, his eyes as cold as his voice.

"I only wanted Edward. It's all his fault! If he had just loved me in return, none of this would ever have happened!" Tanya accused wildly. Then she glared at me. "Remove this shield at once!" she ordered.

"Do not even consider it, Bella," warned Eleazar.

"No way," I agreed coolly.

Carlisle sighed heavily. "What do we do with her?" he asked all of us.

Jasper spoke first. "Obviously she can't be trusted. As soon as Bella removes the protection of her shield, Tanya can manipulate us again."

"Unless I shield all of you instead," I suggested.

"But you can't shield us all forever," noted Edward bitterly, his eyes still burning with rage as his brothers continued restraining him from attacking Tanya.

"Why didn't you use your talent before now, Tanya?" asked Rosalie, her lip curling into a sneer.

"Oh, I have," Tanya boasted. "Never to this extent because there was no need, and if I used it too often or too openly, Eleazar probably would have sensed it. It hasn't been easy, working around him since he joined us; I've had to be extremely judicious in using my talent. Over the centuries I've learned to layer it behind my thoughts and emotions to keep others," she glared at Edward and Jasper in particular, "from seeing what I could really do. And since being introduced to the Cullens, I had to be careful to make no decisions that would alert Alice the fortune teller."

Jasper growled at her slight against Alice, but Tanya ignored him. "But when Edward and Bella got engaged, it was time to start making plans and playing my insane role because if you all saw me as harmless as well as deluded, it would allow me to do what needed to be done to make Edward mine…and he is MINE!" she finished, her eyes flashing angrily at me.

"I think," Eleazar said slowly, "that the best thing to do would to take her to the Romanians and let them deal with her."

"You can't!" Tanya begged, her eyes wild with fear as she tried to once again employ the charms that had rarely failed her in the past. But my shield blocked her talent once again as she panicked further. "Please don't—"

"But how do we get her there?" interrupted Jasper, always the tactician. "Bella would have to go with Eleazar and Tanya in order to keep Tanya's talent shielded as we can't prevent her from manipulating us. And then what?"

While the others discussed logistics for turning Tanya over to the Romanians, an action that would result in either her destruction or in her addition to the Romanian guard who did the direct bidding of Stefan and Vladimir, I was watching Tanya closely. She was nearly shaking with fear—or was it anger? I glanced at Jasper to try to ascertain Tanya's emotions, but he was deeply involved in the logistics discussion and wasn't paying close attention to Tanya.

Besides, she was an expert at hiding her emotions, thoughts, and plans. And I did not trust her in the least. I was fairly certain that her plotting and planning were not finished for the night….

Suddenly, with no warning, Tanya leaped across the room toward me, hands outstretched toward my throat.

As I prepared for her attack, my expansive vampire mind was intensely grateful that Tanya had left before I used my gift this morning against the attacking Quileutes. She truly had no idea of what my shield was capable of doing...and of preventing.

With one jerk of my shield, I completely halted Tanya's momentum toward me, her outstretched claws mere inches from my neck. My shield froze her in place like a statue, but everyone in the room could clearly see what Tanya had attempted to do.

She had tried to kill me.

Again.

"That's it," Edward stated in a deadly cold voice. "I think it is obvious that Tanya will stop at nothing to destroy anyone in her way. I suggest a family vote whether we avoid the long trip to Europe and destroy Tanya right here, right now."

Carlisle sighed heavily again. "I see no other way," he admitted. "Eleazar?"

Eleazar shook his head. "As much as the idea of destroying the head of our family is repugnant, I also think we have no other option."

Kate spoke at last, her expression showing her deep shock over losing one sister today and possibly losing her other one tonight. "Couldn't I just take her back to Denali and guard her there? I'll never let her get close to anyone else ever again," she suggested sadly…and without hope. She knew that her suggestion wouldn't work, but she also had to do everything to save her sister. I totally understood, but I shook my head sadly, knowing that saving Tanya now was a moot point.

Eleazar walked over to Kate and wrapped his arms around her comfortingly. "I wish it would work, Kate, but we can't trust her not to use her gift on you and escape."

"I know," Kate whispered brokenly, "but I had to try."

"No one blames you, Kate," Carlisle assured her. "You were under her control just as much as the rest of us were." Kate just nodded sadly, glancing reproachfully at her defiant sister.

"Shall we vote?" Edward asked, his face still an emotionless mask.

The family was silent as they each mulled over Tanya's fate.

"All those in favor of sparing Tanya and finding some way to control her gift so that she cannot exercise it at will?" Carlisle asked, his voice firm.

Kate raised her hand slowly. But she was the only one.

"All those in favor of destroying Tanya immediately?" Carlisle continued, and every other hand in the room was raised.

Carlisle turned to Tanya. "Our families have voted and have decided your fate. How do you wish to be ended?"

"Try!" dared Tanya, hissing, but I still held her tightly immobile by my shield. "Just try to end me!"

Jasper stepped forward. "I volunteer to do the task," he stated. "I am quick and efficient; Tanya will feel nothing."

"Any objections?" Carlisle asked.

"I'll need to be there to remove my shield at the proper time," I reminded them.

"No, Isabella," Edward objected, turning me into his embrace. "I do not want you anywhere near that monster, not after what she just tried to do."

"Come with me, then," I suggested softly, and he nodded.

We all stood on the porch, grim-faced and tight-lipped, as Jasper, Emmett, and Eleazar built a fire in the corner of the front meadow. Once it was blazing, I guided Tanya, within the force field of my shield, toward the fire, bringing her to a stop about six feet in front of the roaring bonfire, its flames leaping twelve feet into the dawning skies.

Carlisle stood on one side of Tanya, Eleazar on the other, and Jasper beside the fire, all of them facing us on the porch with their backs to the fire.

"Any final words, Tanya?" Carlisle asked. I could tell from his expression that he hoped she would apologize, confess, repent, or something along those lines so that she could meet her Maker in peace.

Tanya's wild eyes were filled with fear, but her expression changed when she looked at me. "You are a bitch," she spat, "and I curse you. Your eternity will be nothing but misery and anguish."

Edward stepped in front of me, speaking with a quiet conviction that made his words even more terrible, "If anyone is cursed here, Tanya, it's you. You have allowed envy to ruin you. But I have no sympathy for your plight, and _your_ eternity will be spent rotting in hell; this fire is only the beginning. But Isabella's eternity will be spent at my side as my wife, lover, and soulmate. Let that thought remain with you through your eternity in hellfire."

Tanya looked at his incredulously, as if she couldn't believe what Edward had just said to her. Her eyes glanced over the rest of us, returning to and lingering upon Edward the longest, and I did not miss the sadness in her eyes in that moment before she straightened her shoulders and returned her gaze to me, furious and hate-filled.

Tanya glanced at Carlisle. "That's all," she said in a flat voice.

Carlisle stood before Tanya, then blessed her with the sign of the cross as he quoted the prayer book of his youth: "Remember that thou art dust, and to dust thou shalt return."

Carlisle and Eleazar stepped back as Jasper stepped forward, standing just behind Tanya so that she could not see him, but he could see me from where I stood on the porch steps, Edward's arm around my shoulders. With a quick nod, Jasper signaled me, and I dropped my shield a split-second before he neatly beheaded Tanya with a single graceful motion. I turned my face into Edward's shoulder as Jasper prepared to place Tanya's decapitated body on the fire. The rest of the family was doing the same, refusing to watch Tanya's ending and finding solace with their mates as the horrible action proceeded.

Slightly apart from the rest of us, Kate stood alone, her expression sorrowful as she tried to maintain a calm exterior during her sister's destruction. She was the only one, besides Jasper, who watched Tanya burn.

The distinctive sickly-sweet scent rose from the bonfire as we turned our backs on the scene to enter the house, leaving Kate to keep her silent and solitary vigil beside the fire as it slowly burned itself out.

**-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-**

We packed quickly that morning, taking minimal clothing with us and only a few mementos. Esme and Carlisle had arranged to have the house packed by professionals and planned to move our personal things wherever we decided to live after spending some time apart as couples first.

With careful eyes, Edward watched me as I finished packing and zipped my bag shut. I sighed, glancing around our bedroom in the cottage, and he noticed my expression. Taking my bag and his from the bed, he placed them beside the front door then returned to our bedroom.

"Talk to me," he insisted softly as I walked around the room, touching a picture here, a pillow there.

"I wish we could have lived here," I said sadly, straightening a watercolor mountain scene that hung over a small desk in the corner of the room.

"I wish we could have broken in the bed," Edward replied quietly.

My eyes flew to his after that rather outrageous statement, and he smiled back at me rather cheekily, but I noticed the sadness in his eyes as he spoke.

"Well…" I started to say uncomfortably, not sure how to respond.

In a flash Edward had me pressed against the closet door, his lips consuming mine. I returned his kiss with all the pent-up emotion that had built up since our wedding the evening before. The early morning sunshine streamed in the window, highlighting the coppery tints in Edward's tousled hair and making the skin on his neck and arms sparkle brilliantly.

He was so beautiful that I couldn't close my eyes while we made out…like the teenagers we were.

Just as I started to imagine his taking me to our bed, timetable or no timetable, Edward pulled back, his expression reluctant and not a little frustrated.

"You have no idea how badly I want to finish this, Isabella," he practically growled at me. Closing his eyes, he dropped his head to my shoulder as he tried to calm his erratic breathing. I held him, trying to bring my own body under control as well.

Raising his head, Edward touched his forehead to mine, his face taut and his golden eyes scorching with repressed need. "As much as I want to have you here and now, Isabella, we will wait until we have an entire night to devote to exploring one another. I don't want our first time together to be rushed. I want to savor every moment, every kiss, every touch…." His voice trailed off suggestively, and a shiver of delight raced down my spine and settled deep within me.

Our eyes continued to express all that our words and bodies could not at this moment; our love and need for each other were beyond words.

However, our moment of silent communication was broken by the ringing of Edward's phone, and I cracked up, almost immediately breathless with laughter as Edward grumpily answered the phone.

"Did you reprogram my ringtone?" he accused whoever was calling.

I heard Alice's tinkling laugh. "No, but guess who did?" she giggled.

Edward groaned. "Only Emmett would change my ringtone to 'Let's Get It On' for our wedding night."

"Got it in one," trilled Alice. "But I'm calling because we're leaving in twenty minutes. Come meet us on the porch, okay?"

"Very well. We'll be there." He fiddled with the phone for a moment, and I laughed again.

"Deleting Emmett's ringtone?" I asked amid my giggles. Edward responded with a wry glance as he switched off the screen and pocketed the phone.

"Do you have everything?" he asked, and I saw regret in his eyes.

I walked up to him, slipping my arms around his waist. "What is it?" I asked softly.

Sighing, he pinched the bridge of his nose for a long moment before encircling me with his arms.

"Edward?" I prompted.

Sighing again, he looked away at something over my shoulder, not meeting my eyes as he replied slowly in a voice so low that I would not have heard him with human ears. "I am so sorry that we didn't have a wedding night, Isabella. It seems as though your life with me is one catastrophe after another. I should have left you alone. Then you would still be human and not be set upon by every monster ever imagined." His voice wavered precariously, preventing him from continuing to flagellate himself.

I stared at him in shock before my capricious newborn temper took over. "I never want to hear those words—or anything like them—EVER leave your mouth again, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen!" I growled impressively. "So you would have preferred me to remain in that hovel, locked in my room and wondering when my next morsel of food would be delivered to me? I fought depression, starvation, and paralyzing fear on a daily basis. And you think you're so much worse? You, who have given me your family, your love, and now your name? I don't think so!" Seething, I tried to calm myself down, but I wasn't succeeding.

Edward took my chin in his fingers, forcing me to look him in the eye…which was burning with a mixture of shame, love, and regret.

"It seems as if I am always apologizing to you. You're right," he sighed. "I wouldn't want to be without you, selfish as I may be. My life was not one of abuse and fear, as yours was. But before you came into my life, I was so completely empty, without anything to look forward to, without anything worth living for. Just as I helped to save you from the Blacks, you, Isabella Marie Swan Cullen, have saved me from an eternity of aching loneliness and aimless wandering. You have touched my heart and my soul, changing me from a selfish creature to a man capable of more love than I ever thought possible. I adore you, my love, and I never want to be without you for a single moment of our forever," he finished softly.

Of course, his words changed my emotions from anger and frustration to a happiness so powerful that it was with great effort that I held back sobs of joy.

_Damn newborn mood swings…. _

"I love you, too, you frustrating, eloquent man, Edward Cullen," I replied, reaching up to kiss him.

This kiss was different than the others we shared previously. It was a pledge to not look back at the "might-have-beens," but to look forward to our new future, an eternity that we would experience. Together.

A chirp from Edward's phone reminded us that it was time to leave our cottage, most likely forever. With Billy here and the threat of his revealing our existence which he would undoubtedly pass down to following generations through Quileute lore, it would be impossible for us to return to Forks for a long time, if ever.

Edward took my hand and we moved to the front door, both of us taking in our first home for the last time…a home that we would never live in now.

Despite my objections, Edward shouldered our bags, and without stopping to look back at our little cottage nestled in the woods, we ghosted through the woods and leaped the Sol Duc as we returned to the main house. The rest of the family stood on the porch waiting with the extreme patience that only vampires possessed, except for Emmett and Alice who were both bouncing on the balls of their feet in barely-contained excitement.

_Typical. _

I moved to start our goodbyes to our family as Edward loaded our bags in the car, ignoring Alice's objections that we were taking far too little with us. Only Edward, reminding her that with so few clothes to our name, she would be forced to shop for us when we reunited with the family, managed to quell the excitable pixie.

The plan was for the couples to separate for about two months, then meet back up when Carlisle and Esme had decided where we would stay. I didn't really care where we ended up, as long as we were all together. We all hugged and kissed, laughing and joking with one another before heading to each of our cars.

Edward escorted me to his silver Volvo, seating me with the utmost gentleness as if I were still a fragile human, before sliding into the driver's seat. We followed Emmett's red jeep down the driveway, with Carlisle's Mercedes behind us; as usual, the powerful engine of Alice's yellow Porsche roared impatiently at the head of the little caravan.

As we proceeded down the driveway, I glanced over my shoulder as the white house disappeared around the first curve, saying my silent goodbye to the house where I finally learned what "home" truly was.

As I faced forward again, Edward took my hand in his. "Are you all right, love?" he asked, concerned.

I took a deep breath. "Yes, I'm fine." I paused then asked, "Could we please make one stop before leaving Forks?"

Edward glanced at his watch. "It will have to be quick. We shouldn't stay here any longer than necessary."

I nodded. "Could we please stop by the cemetery?" I asked softly.

Squeezing my hand comfortingly, he replied, "Of course, my love." Taking his phone from his pocket, he phoned Alice, informing her of our plans.

A short while later, Edward parked his Volvo under an ancient cedar on the grounds of Forks Memorial Park. Because I hadn't been here since my dad's funeral eight years earlier, we had stopped at the gatehouse to locate the graves. I waited as Edward rounded the front of the car to open my door, taking his offered hand as I stepped from the car.

It took us a few moments to locate the simple memorial marker of white marble set flat in the grass on a small hill overlooking the man-made lily pond. The lilies were in bloom, yellow and pink and white against the green leaves and rippling water, surrounded by the paler green of the lawn and trees.

I stood there for a moment before dropping to my knees before the oblong white and gray stone, the words engraved in stark black standing out. "SWAN" was engraved across the top, and in each of the upper corners was carved a small black image of a swan. Beneath our family name were the names of my parents, followed by their dates: Charles Geoffrey Swan, 1964-1997 and Renée Marie Higginbotham Swan, 1968-1995. As I brushed my fingers over their names reverently, I felt a lump rise in my throat.

I hadn't realized that Edward had returned to the car until I heard him re-approaching the marker; looking up, I saw that he carried a bouquet of Esme's finest flowers. Handing them to me, he murmured, "Esme thought that you would probably want to stop here before we left, so she gathered these for you early this morning."

The thoughtfulness of my new mother both astounded and pleased me. I arranged the flowers in the brass urn hollowed into the ground above their stone, Edward's hands resting comfortingly on my shoulders.

"There," I whispered when I was satisfied with the arrangement. I touched my parents' names again and found myself speaking aloud to them.

"Mom, Dad, I've missed you so much over the years. Going on without you has been the hardest thing I've ever had to do. And once Sarah Black was gone, too, it was so hard not to just give up and let myself join you. But I knew that I had to fight, to somehow get through each day until someone could help me. Now I finally have a family who loves me, and I love them so much, too. I have the love of an amazing man who made me his wife yesterday. I missed you so much on my wedding day, but I felt that you were there with us somehow, giving us your blessing."

I took a deep breath. "I love you both, and I just wanted to let you know that I'm fine. More than fine, actually. Edward and I have eternity ahead of us, and we have so much to see and do together. I'll still miss you every single day, but know that I am safe and loved with Edward." Edward's hands squeezed my shoulders in silent agreement as I whispered, "I love you. Goodbye, Daddy, Goodbye, Mom."

I brushed my fingers across their names one last time before Edward helped me to my feet. Not that his assistance was necessary; it was merely part of the chivalry he was accustomed to offering, and it showed his love for me in a tangible way.

His arms wrapped around me, and I laid my cheek against his silent heart, overwhelmed by the power of love: my love for my parents who no longer walked this earth; my love for my new family, my new parents and my brothers and sisters; and, most of all, my love for this incredible man who loved me as I loved him: with everything I was and everything I will be.

"Ready to go, love?" Edward asked, his voice soft and deep and comforting.

"Ready," I agreed.

And, holding hands as Edward drove, we left Forks behind us as we looked forward to our future.

Together.

Forever.

~The End~

_**A/N: Well, that's it. I started this story in August 2011, and your response has been overwhelmingly amazing. Thank you! **_

_**I'll post the Epilogue on New Year's Eve for you all. I haven't started it yet, so I have no idea where it's going. I guess we'll find out together. ;)**_

_**Thank you SO MUCH for reading! I've written this story without a plan or outline, just letting each word, each character, each event, come to me as I type. I've also written without the benefit of pre-readers or betas, so all mistakes, plot gaps, etc., are totally mine. **_

_**Writing this story has been a complete joy: the joy of letting imagination flow, the joy of riding the waves of the written word with no idea if I was going to wipe out or ride in, "hanging ten" all the way to shore. I think more of the latter than the former occurred over the course of these 16 months—I hope so, anyway. **_

_**Thank you again for reading and for reviewing—your reviews kept me inspired and writing, even when the pain was too much and I had to write late into the night in order to post my weekly chapters. You all are the BEST! I want to thank sherryola and TwiloverSue especially for their wonderful support and love.**_

_**With love to you all,**_

_**Cassandra :)**_

_**xxxooo **_


	60. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

**365 Days Later….**

Both of us were breathing unnecessarily heavily as I rolled atop my husband, dragging my tongue suggestively across his delectable lips.

"Again, my love?" Edward asked me, grinning cheekily, his eyes darkening.

"Of course," I murmured, tossing my hair over my shoulder as I leaned down to kiss his Adam's apple, and then lick the delicious hollow at the base of his throat. "Is there another way that you would like to celebrate our first anniversary?"

"Mmmmm," was his only response as he flipped me onto my back and proceeded to make love with me for the sixth time since nightfall, the clouded dawn illuminating the eastern windows of our cottage.

An hour later I curled against his side, burrowing my face against his chest as he kissed the top of my head. "Insatiable," I commented as he ran his fingers through my long tresses.

The vibrations of his deep chuckle against my cheek made me smile. "I'm not the only insatiable one, love," he reminded me slyly.

I turned my head so that I could see his face, my chin digging into his chest. "And you love it."

"Oh, I do," Edward agreed, leaning forward to kiss me. "Believe me, I do."

I sighed happily. "I felt such a thrill when you spoke those same words to me exactly a year ago last night."

"You mean 'I do?'" he asked.

"Yes. Those two simple words changed my life and brought us this amazing year."

"I remember the look in your eyes when you vowed the same words to me," he said softly, kissing my nose, then my forehead. "At the time, I thought that moment was the pinnacle of my happiness."

"And was it?" I asked curiously.

"Actually, no. Every day I've spent with you since our wedding has been the happiest day of my life," he stated quietly.

"Really?" I asked, wanting to hear him affirm once again what I already knew.

"Really."

"Well, I think that calls for more celebrating," I murmured as I kissed him, our passion growing again as hands began to wander and explore and our bodies melded gracefully into one again…and again….

Several hours later as we curled into each other's arms, sated for a few moments, our romantic anniversary interlude was interrupted by the chirp of Edward's cell…which he blatantly ignored.

"Are you going to check that?" I asked languidly, kissing the back of his hand as I clasped it in my own.

"No. Ten to one it's my pixie of a sister, wanting to celebrate our anniversary," he groaned, flipping me over quickly so that he was atop me in the most delicious of ways. "I'd rather continue celebrating _our_ way."

I couldn't help laughing. Despite the way that our family complained about Rosalie and Emmett being difficult to live with during their first decade of married bliss, I knew that they considered Edward and me as far worse, a feat that brought a grin of pride to Edward's beautiful face despite all the teasing his brothers (and even Carlisle, from time to time) subjected him to.

Edward bent over me, his lips on mine once more as I hummed with pleasure. For all of Edward's Victorian sensibilities, since we became husband and wife our most pressing problem had been how to stop making love long enough to spend time with our family.

Our honeymoon had been incredible. After our emotional visit to the Forks cemetery to bid my parents goodbye, Edward spirited me away to a private Lear jet which took the quicker polar route to Great Britain. As much as we both wanted to consummate our vows during the flight—the inclusion on the jet of a bedroom with a rather comfortable-looking bed certainly did not help matters—we reluctantly decided that we didn't want our first time together to be in a fairly public place with a pilot, co-pilot, and two flight attendants all too aware of our activities.

So we settled onto a leather sofa in the luxury jet, talking, reading, holding hands, and kissing chastely on occasion, but our passion-darkened eyes belied the innocence of these seemingly-normal activities. Both of us had been extremely impatient to be alone, but somehow we managed to survive the long flight without spontaneously combusting. Quite the impressive feat, that.

The Lear jet landed on a private strip in Oxfordshire, north of London, where a black Rolls Royce with a uniformed driver waited to drive us through the charming university town of Oxford and then into the countryside. Taking a literary tour of England had long been a dream of mine, one that I had told Edward about when I was still human during those long days I spent recovering from Jacob's attack.

When Edward finally shared his secret honeymoon plans once we landed in Britain, I had jumped up and down in joyous anticipation, Edward laughing at my very Alice-worthy reaction. After a short drive through the green rolling hills of the Cotswolds, the car came to a stop before a picket gate set into a three-foot stone wall surrounding a small stone cottage, very similar to the place that Esme had refurbished for us in Forks.

Edward grinned, his eyes soft, as I clapped my hands with excitement, especially when I popped out of the Rolls before the driver had time to open my door. My eyes huge as saucers, hands clasped together with joy, I stood before the gate, not sure if I were dreaming despite the fact that vampires cannot sleep. Edward's arms slid around my waist as he pulled me back against his broad chest. "Do you like it?" he asked shyly.

I couldn't take my eyes off the perfect stone cottage. Two stories tall with a multitude of windows looking out on the riotous country garden within the stone walls, the cottage was my every dream come true. Still speechless with delight, I nodded in response to his question. With a low chuckle, Edward bent forward, and with his index finger, he gently pushed my chin back into place so that my mouth was no longer gaping wide open with surprise.

"We are in Chipping Campden in the Cotswolds," he remarked offhandedly. "I tried to find some place similar to what we were leaving behind so that we wouldn't be too homesick. I've rented this place for two months with the option of a third if we'd like to stay longer."

_Two or three months HERE? Wow. _Ecstatic didn't begin to express the emotions coursing through me. But my brilliant smile was all response Edward needed as he bent forward to kiss my neck.

"Sir, shall I take in your bags?" asked the driver…whose presence I had already forgotten. With a kiss on the top of my head, Edward handed me a large, old-fashioned key to unlock the front door before turning away to help the driver carry our bags into the cottage.

I practically skipped forward to open the green picket gate upon which was affixed the name "Twine Cottage." Stepping up the stone walkway to the off-white front door with four panes of glass, I inserted the key and opened the door, gingerly stepping inside. Edward and the driver followed me into the small lounge decorated in cream, brown, and deep rose; the drapes were off-white with dusky pink roses matching the area rug. The furnishings were simple but warm and welcoming; a fire burned in the small wood stove set into the painted brick fireplace while candles graced the narrow mantel. The white ceilings were striped by dark wooden beams in both the lounge and the kitchen which was long, narrow, and modern, with light oaken countertops and white walls, a table with two chairs at the foreground and a window in the back. It was definitely cozy…not that we'd be using it the kitchen much, if at all.

After Edward paid the driver, he took our bags from the lounge through the kitchen and up the narrow, winding staircase to the second floor which housed the bedroom and bath. The ceilings here were vaulted and were decorated in soft whites. I couldn't resist a quick peek into the bath which contained a huge claw-footed tub; fluffy white towels were hung on warming racks beneath the window. Beside a white pedestal sink, the wide window brightened the white-painted walls and tile floors. A very small glassed-in shower, definitely made for one (unfortunately), concealed the toilet in the corner, a convenience I no longer needed, thankfully.

Ducking out of the bathroom, I joined Edward in the cozy bedroom which was dominated by a white-covered bed tucked beneath the sloping ceiling. The white iron bedstead was situated in front of the paned window; the bedside table, dresser, and wardrobe were all painted off-white, as was the small fireplace against the right wall. Although it was a small room, it was definitely cozy and delightfully romantic.

"It isn't very roomy," Edward remarked, frowning as he set down our luggage. "I wanted something warm and intimate, but I don't want you to feel crowded. We can find another place if you like, Isabella; I—"

My index finger pressed to his lips interrupted Edward's anxiety-driven babbling as I reassured him. "It's perfect, Edward, really. We don't need much room, and this is just the kind of place I was hoping to stay; you know how luxury makes me uncomfortable." Leaning forward to kiss him gently, I murmured, "I love it."

"And I love you," he replied, his voice warm, his eyes darkening. Then his eyes flashed to the windows. "We'll have to draw the curtains during the day if it's sunny," he said, his brow creasing in concern. "We aren't completely isolated here, unfortunately."

"That's fine. We don't want the neighbors to see what we'll be up to anyway," I winked suggestively, causing Edward to swallow hard and his eyes to turn from dark gold to shimmering black in an instant.

Before I could move toward him, Edward scooped me into his arms and laid me on the bed. Reaching over my head, he twitched the curtains shut before lowering himself upon me, his lips gently teasing mine as he kissed me almost shyly.

Edward raised his head for a moment to gaze into my eyes; his were warm pools of shining onyx, as if melted by the passion we shared. "Would you like to wait until tonight, Mrs. Cullen?" he asked me. "We could sightsee a bit since it's cloudy today. There's a church around the corner—"

With a knowing smile, I slid my arms around his neck and pulled him more firmly against me as I interrupted his rather adorable nervous babbling. "Mr. Cullen, in my non-expert opinion, we have waited entirely too long to consummate this marriage." I paused significantly to make my meaning perfectly clear. "I want to be yours. Now." It was both a growl and an order, bringing a smirk to Edward's beautiful face.

"As you wish," he quoted as he dipped his head down to capture my lips again. Edward's passionate kiss erased all thoughts of quotations from _The Princess Bride._ With our virtuous engagement, Tanya's drama on our wedding night, and then the long flight here, we had waited so long to become man and wife physically as well as in every other way that we just couldn't help ourselves….

My memories of our first time together brought a wicked smile to my face, and Edward smiled, too, as he bent over me to kiss me. "What has you smiling, my love?" he asked, scooping me onto his lap and holding me against his broad chest.

"I was just remembering our first time together on our honeymoon. I loved Twine Cottage, and the Cotswolds are so lovely."

Edward snickered, kissing down my throat as he commented, "What little we saw of the Cotswolds during our honeymoon, love. I'm not sure we left that bedroom for the first month." He laughed quietly. "Poor Alice had planned quite the literary itinerary for us…."

"Which we completely ignored," I added, grinning in remembrance. "Well, for the first month at least. We did make it to Haworth to see the home of the Brontës, to Stratford for all of the Shakespeare sites, to the Lake District to look up Wordsworth, Coleridge, Ruskin, and Beatrix Potter, to Newstead Abbey for Byron, and Chawton for Jane Austen, plus Poets' Corner in Westminster Abbey…eventually."

"Only because we stayed an extra month," teased Edward, "and with nearly a week back in the bedroom between outings to continue our 'private activities.'"

"Of course," I murmured in a low voice, with a wink and a smirk.

"So is that how you wish to spend our anniversary, love? Just staying here in our cottage, swept up in our 'private activities'?" Edward asked, nuzzling my neck.

"Definitely."

For the remainder of the day and the following night, we deliberately ignored the many texts and calls emanating from our iPhones which we had set with the chorus of Ne-Yo's "She's a Monster" ringtone for Alice. We finally emerged from our love cocoon the following morning, and under typical English gray skies, sped the three miles to the impressive manor which now housed the Cullens.

After my love for England had become known to the family, Esme and Carlisle had decided to relocate all of us to Kent in southern England. The frequent fogs and typical gloomy British weather was ideal for our family, and Carlisle was delighted to return to his homeland. While he kept his medical license current with occasional shifts in the nearby ER, Carlisle decided to make a career change in this new location: pursuing his heritage as the son of an Anglican pastor, along with his love of faith and Britain itself, by being ordained an Anglican priest. Fortunately, Anglican priests, unlike the Catholic equivalent, could be married and have families. Thus, Carlisle pursued his pastoral studies in Canterbury, the seat of the Anglican Church. His avid study of human nature, his innate faithfulness and devotion, and his loving compassion made Carlisle an ideal candidate for the ministry, and after completing his studies in a few months, he was immediately offered a vicarage not far from Canterbury.

In addition to being the vicar's wife and all that position entailed, Esme had located a lovely manor home, Preston Court, that was begging for complete restoration, so she and Alice worked diligently, designing and restoring the large home to its former glory. The two of them enjoyed the process so much that they decided to start their own historical restoration business. Jasper's love of historical research and his financial acumen made him an invaluable silent partner in their firm.

Once relocated to Kent, Rosalie and Emmett had both fallen in love with the old Morgan cars manufactured in Britain, keeping themselves busy rebuilding and restoring older models. After all, the first Morgan three-wheeled prototype had been produced in England in 1909, and the whole process fascinated both Rose and Emmett who enjoyed working in the huge garage workshop that Esme and Alice designed for them on the manor grounds.

And of course, Esme had found us a stone cottage, slightly larger than Twine Cottage where we honeymooned, but within an easy three-mile run from the manor house. Named "Little Woodlands," the thatched cottage was edged by forest lands through which we could reach the manor house within a couple of minutes…as we were doing now. There was an extra bedroom that Edward and I used as a combination library/study.

And what were Edward and I doing? While the rest of the family was busy with restoration projects and/or ministry, Edward and I were attending The University of Kent at Canterbury where I focused on Medieval Literature and Edward decided to major in Theology. I frequently teased him about becoming Carlisle's curate, but Edward only smiled serenely; I had a feeling that Edward might indeed find himself assisting Carlisle in ministry within a year or two.

Edward's biggest regret about changing me when we did was that he had "stolen" my chance of motherhood. It took many, many long, somewhat angst-ridden conversations before Edward finally became convinced that motherhood simply wasn't that important to me. It may sound selfish, but after all I had been through during my own childhood, I couldn't stand the idea of deliberately bringing a child into this world. Actually, it had taken all year, but Edward was finally convinced that I meant what I said about motherhood and that I wasn't just trying to make him feel better with my views of having children.

And I was convinced, too…until three weeks ago.

On that day, Carlisle came home from an infrequent ER shift with an abashed look on his face…and a babyseat, including a baby, buckled securely into the backseat of his Mercedes.

Yes, he had brought home a human baby—a baby girl.

An hour previously, Carlisle had called us to request that the whole family meet at the manor that evening, and as we waited for his arrival in the gorgeously-restored parlor, we heard the rapid heartbeat emanating from the backseat of his car. As one, we raced out of the house and met him as he stopped the car at the front door.

Silent and frozen with anticipation, we all stood there aghast as Carlisle removed the carseat from its bottom half, revealing a sleeping newborn.

Before we could open our mouths to barrage him with questions, Carlisle suggested we all go inside the house and he would tell us everything.

Carlisle set the infant seat on the floor in the center of the room before settling into his usual leather chair. Holding up a hand in defense, he stated quietly, "Before you ask any questions or say anything, please allow me to tell you a story."

It always amazed me how Carlisle could command complete obedience seemingly without effort. So we all gathered curiously around the sleeping child as Carlisle told us the sad story.

_A month ago_, _a young mother-to-be came to the ER with symptoms of a serious pregnancy-related complication: pre-eclampsia: a serious disorder causing very high blood pressure for the young mother that could endanger her life and the life of her child. She was alone in the world; only eighteen years old, her parents had thrown her out when she became pregnant, and the father of the child refused to acknowledge the child as his and rejected the request to take a paternity test. The young mother, Emma, had been living on the streets, occasionally in a homeless shelter from time to time, but the pregnancy was taking its toll on her. She was very thin and malnourished when she was brought into the ER unconscious after fainting in the street. _

_ When I diagnosed pre-eclampsia, _Carlisle continued, _Emma became distraught. Although the baby was small due to malnutrition, the best choice was to deliver the baby immediately to save Emma from life-threatening complications. But Emma was afraid that her baby wouldn't survive if taken by C-section five weeks early, so she chose to postpone delivery for as long as possible in order to give the baby the best chance of survival._

_ Unfortunately, I was forced into releasing her when she insisted upon leaving the hospital against medical advice. I offered Emma medications that might help lower her blood pressure, but their use was controversial during pregnancy, so I doubted that she would take them once I informed her of the risks. _

_ But I listened to her story and offered her several options, all of which she turned down, and then, after my shift was over, I took her to the parish where I gave her food from the kitchen pantry to keep her from starving. I wanted to bring her here, but she refused, but she did allow me to settle her on a sofa in an unused office. However, when I returned the next morning, she was gone. _

_ Last night Emma returned to the ER in active labor, a dangerous development in a patient with high blood pressure. As often happens with eclampsia, her blood pressure spiked dangerously during delivery, causing a stroke. We had to take the baby via emergency C-section to save its life, but Emma didn't survive. The stroke was too severe, and she was declared brain dead this afternoon. _

Carlisle's voice broke as he spoke those horrible words, "brain dead"; Esme silently took his hand and squeezed it sympathetically as he took a deep breath; he seemed strangely nervous and tentative as he spoke.

_ However, Social Services has no foster parents prepared to take a newborn, so I submitted an emergency application for foster care so that I could bring her home tonight and talk to you all about the baby's future._

We all exchanged shocked glances when Carlisle mentioned this last part. How could we be involved in this baby's life? How could we keep this human child safe in a family of vampires?

Carlisle's eyes showed the extent of his heartbreak and guilt as he told us Emma's tragic tale, and none of us missed the way his voice faltered when he spoke of her death. Gazing at each of us significantly in turn, Carlisle stated softly, "I know that it makes no logical sense, but I believe that this baby girl belongs with us."

"With a family of vampires?" Rosalie practically shrieked. "Have you gone insane, Carlisle?"

At this point, Rosalie was pretty much speaking for all of us; the only person not looking at Carlisle as if he were a prime candidate for Bedlam was Esme…who seemed both shocked and…oddly expectant.

"Perhaps I am insane," Carlisle smiled grimly. "What do the rest of you think?"

Edward and I looked at each other, completely gobsmacked by the fact that Carlisle had brought a newborn baby home with him.

"How will we care for her?" Esme asked, bewildered but supportive.

"The hospital sent me home with diapers, formula, and blankets while we decide," he answered quietly. "If we don't take her, she'll be transferred to London and put into the system there."

We all frowned at that option; we knew how overburdened the social services in London were. A tiny, delicate baby who would need round-the-clock care didn't seem to have much of a chance there.

Carlisle turned to Alice. "Can you see anything about her future with us?" he asked, and we all noticed the barely-suppressed hope in his tone.

Alice frowned, closing her eyes and concentrating. "Carlisle, decide that we're not keeping her; I need to see what happens to her if we don't become involved," she ordered in a soft voice.

Carlisle's expression became pained; obviously he had already become attached to the child, just as he had become attached to her mother.

But Alice grimaced, and we all noticed. "What was that, Alice?" Edward asked, his voice taut with concern. "Was that…the baby?"

"Yes," she replied, her voice choked with emotion. "She will be placed with a large family who takes her in just for the money they receive each month from the government. They will ignore her when she's an infant, and they will be unkind to her as she grows up," she stated sadly.

"'Unkind' is far too kind a word for how they will treat her, according to your vision," snapped Edward, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. "Verbal abuse will always be part of her life, and physical abuse from time to time."

Every member of our family exchanged guilty looks; everyone was sickened by Alice's vision.

"What if we keep her?" Esme asked breathlessly, hope in her eyes.

Alice's face suddenly lit up, and Edward turned to stare at her. "Wow," was all he said, a small smile twitching his lips.

Alice clapped her hands. "Yes!" she exclaimed. Turning to the rest of us and grinning from ear to ear, she exclaimed, "In the vision of the baby's future I just saw, she's about thirteen years old, and we're moving to Canada with her. She's definitely a member of our family and is laughing as Rose kisses her on the forehead."

"Is she still human?" Jasper asked tentatively.

"Of course she is!" Alice exclaimed. "We all are raising a human child! I've seen it as clearly as anything!"

Edward spoke up quietly but firmly, "What about her safety? Our bloodlust? The Romanians? There are so many dangers ahead if she remains with us."

I finally spoke up, taking Edward's hand and speaking in a low voice, "That's true, Edward. But there are always dangers no matter what we do: if the baby's in the foster system, or if Emma had lived to raise her daughter, or if we take the baby in to raise ourselves. We know that there are no guarantees in life, especially in childhood." It took all of my concentration to keep the bitterness from my voice as I continued. "But with our abilities and as a loving family, I'm sure that we can give this little one exactly what she needs to grow up happy, well, and strong. After all, you all took me in, and I can't imagine having a happier year than I've had with all of you."

Carlisle gave me a grateful look, "Thank you, Isabella."

"But you had to become a vampire!" Rosalie almost shrieked; Jasper actually covered his ears in response to her piercing voice. "We can't be responsible for the baby becoming one, too!"

I sighed. "My circumstances were bizarre, Rosalie. We were dealing with the Quileutes and other threats at the time."

"Very true," Esme mused, her expression thoughtful; I saw that she was seriously considering keeping the child. "And if she remains human, we won't be guilty of creating an immortal child…which as we know demands the death penalty. If she is human, she will have to know our secret eventually, but if we live quietly, I think we can all be safe."

Carlisle hugged his mate and kissed her. "That's exactly what I think as well," he said.

From her torn expression, I could tell that Rosalie was trying to suppress the hope she was feeling, as was Emmett as he watched his wife's face. Alice was ecstatic, but Jasper was tentative at best since he struggled with bloodlust more than the rest of us.

I glanced at Edward; his jaw was set and he seemed a million miles away, adrift on his thoughts. Gently taking his hand in mine, I kissed his strong fingers, one by one, and he smiled at me, his eyes becoming tranquil as he took in my expression.

I felt…hopeful and excited, too. Despite the fact that I had convinced myself and Edward that motherhood didn't matter to me, with the arrival of this child, I knew that I had been wrong. I wanted this child as part of our family.

I squeezed Edward's hand in silent communication, and he pressed mine in return, smiling beautifully as my decision became clear in my eyes.

Alice jumped up and down like the hyper pixie she was. "We've all made our decisions!" she cried.

"Shall we take a formal vote then?" Carlisle asked, despite the fact that the result was obvious since Alice was grinning like the proverbial cat after eating the canary. "Majority rules or unanimous?"

I spoke up. "I think we need to be unanimous—we can't allow this child to splinter our family."

Carlisle thought quietly for a moment, then smiled. "Unanimous it is," he said.

We all nodded.

"All who do not want the baby to remain with us, raise your hand." My eyes scanned the room, but not a single hand was raised. I couldn't suppress the joy building in my heart at the thought of helping to raise this little one.

"All who wish the baby to remain?" Carlisle continued.

Everyone nodded as hands were raised by all of the rest of the family…except for Rosalie.

"Rose?" Carlisle asked, puzzled.

"I abstain," she replied softly. "I can't vote 'stay,' but I can't vote 'go,' either. I want her to stay, so badly, but I don't know that we are the best choice for a child, especially with the danger that this decision will put our family in."

"Will you agree with the rest of us to keep her, or are your objections strong enough to let her go?" Carlisle asked.

Rosalie shook her head. "No, my objections will not bring discord to the family; I'm okay with her staying unless we feel the need to revisit this decision later on," she stated softly.

"Fair enough," Carlisle replied, wrapping an arm around Rose's shoulders and kissing the top of her head before continuing, "We'll need to be approved as a foster family first thing. Emmett, will you and Jasper unload the baby's things from the trunk of the car? Edward, will you help me with the foster care paperwork while Esme and the girls work on clearing a room for the baby and take care of her for a bit?"

"What about a name?" Esme asked. "What shall we call her?"

"I think we should name her for her mother, Emma," Edward stated, and we all quickly agreed.

"Could we use the middle name Renée? For my mother?" I asked quietly.

Carlisle smiled widely at my suggestion, his eyes warm as he looked at me, both of us remembering the gentle, joyous soul that was Renée Swan.

"Any objections?" he asked. When silence met his question, Carlisle pronounced, "Her name is Emma Renée Cullen."

Everyone got to work. Alice and I whisked upstairs to consider the room situation. Each couple in the manor house had a suite of rooms: a bedroom, a bathroom with Jacuzzi tub, and a sitting room. While Esme and Rose went to tend little Emma, Alice and I cleared the room between Carlisle and Esme's rooms and Emmett and Rosalie's rooms, deciding that its proximity to the others' room made it the best place for the nursery. We quickly moved the few pieces of dusty furniture from the room, and after a quick rummage through the incredible attics of the manor, we found a beautifully carved antique wooden cradle, a matching child's wardrobe and dresser, and a rocking chair. After cleaning the furniture, we arranged the nursery furniture just so while Alice decided to paint the walls a pale lavender with white crown molding and placing deeper purple curtains at the windows.

A few hours later Edward opened the door to the nursery to find me contentedly rocking the baby after feeding her a bottle of foul-smelling formula. I don't know how babies could drink that disgusting stuff, but Emma took it down eagerly, her large blue eyes sleepily fixed on my face as she sucked the bottle dry. After burping her (another disagreeable piece of business), Emma had fallen asleep in my arms, and I was reluctant to place her in the cradle. Holding her brought such serene joy that I didn't want to let her go.

Edward's eyes were soft as he watched me with Emma, a smile curving his lips as he seated himself on a sofa we had brought from another room and placed next to the rocking chair. Alice had plans to start painting and decorating tomorrow; she was on her laptop ordering everything online via overnight delivery so that she could get Emma's nursery in shape as soon as possible.

"What are you thinking?" I asked him, noting his contented expression as he leaned forward to cradle Emma's head in his hand for a moment.

So much closer to me now, Edward gazed into my eyes for another long moment. "Just this morning I was thinking that I couldn't be any happier," Edward replied quietly. "But seeing you with Emma in your arms has made me happier than I could ever imagine."

I smiled back at him. "Here, why don't you hold her?"

We changed places, Edward taking Emma from me and sitting in the rocker, the gentle motion obviously soothing to the infant.

"What are you thinking, Isabella?" he asked with a gentle smile, his golden eyes so beautiful.

"Actually, I was thinking the same as you. I thought I was so happy, that our lives were complete…until Carlisle brought Emma into our lives just a few hours ago. And seeing you with her makes me happier and more content than I ever believed was possible."

Edward reached his free hand toward me, and I grasped it in mine as I sat beside him. As we both bent over to kiss Emma's downy head, Edward's touch and his peaceful expression were all I needed to be absolutely, perfectly, completely happy.

Once I had been pinned down by my life, unable to move, to grow, to thrive; in those dark days, I had yearned for freedom and for love above all else.

And now I could flutter freely; in this moment, joy and light were all I saw in our future as I leaned over Emma to kiss my husband, my heart overflowing with gratitude.

.

~~The End~~

_**A/N: That's it. **_

_**Sorry for the lateness of the epilogue: my husband had surgery Friday out of state, and all three of my teen boys are sick. I've been absolutely exhausted—perhaps I'm getting sick, too. And I have a HUGE editing deadline tomorrow that I need to wrap up for a project (a non-traditional grammar book for homeschooling families) started in July. **_

_**Thank you to ALL of you who have read and reviewed throughout the past 17 months that I've been writing **_**Pinned but Fluttering. **_**I wouldn't have continued without your wonderful commentary and encouragement. Thank you!**_

_**Although I left a few loose threads (Billy, Seth, the Romanians, Emma's future) in case I want to come back to write a sequel, at this point I don't really see myself writing a continuation of **_**PbF**_**. **_

_**I have some ideas for some one-shots and shorter stories, but I'm taking the rest of January off from writing as I have two online classes (a grammar class and a literary analysis class on **_**The Importance of Being Earnest) **_**to teach concurrently, something I've never attempted before, plus my high school writing class is finishing their semester this month (and thus I have a lot of make-up essays to grade!). So I'll be a bit scarce around here for a bit, but as I've been posting weekly or twice-weekly chapters for two years straight, a wee vacation is in order. ;) **_

_**Images to go along with the honeymoon at Twine Cottage, plus images of the Cullen's manor house and B&E's cottage in Kent are posted on my blog (remove spaces): : / / cassandra lowery . blog spot 2013/01/ **_

_**Thank you again for everything—love and a blessed and healthy 2013 to you all!  
><strong>_

_**Much love,**_

_**Cassandra :D**_

_**xxxooo**_


End file.
